When It's True
by piratewench78
Summary: "There's something that happens. There's a magic that happens – still does. There's something really inevitable about this relationship. It just feels like we're inextricably tied." The twists and turns of Deacon and Rayna's life, played out in a slightly different way.
1. 1989

_A/N – This is an AU version of Deacon and Rayna's life, told a year at a time, from 1989 - 2015. While some of the storylines will still play out, others will not, and some storylines will take on a different look. I've created a new initial premise for Deacon and Rayna, which will impact everything that goes forward. Each chapter will include Deacon's POV and Rayna's POV and occasionally others._

 **Rayna**

 _I'm getting married today!_

Rayna Jaymes didn't care what anyone said about being too young or not knowing Deacon Claybourne long enough or that he wasn't 'her type'. She'd known she loved him practically since the moment she met him. Actually even before that. When she first laid eyes on him at the Bluebird, he did things to her insides that she didn't really understand. When she heard him play his guitar on stage, she had this weird feeling in her gut – she later figured out it meant she was _turned on_ by him – and she knew he was meant for her. She heard him laugh as he walked over to where she was sitting with Watty White, and she melted. By the time Watty introduced them and Deacon took her hand, she was in love.

She met him when she was sixteen years old. She'd been sneaking out of the house for months, performing at open mics. Her mom had died when she was twelve, her daddy was never home enough to care about what she did, and her sister had left home for college. Rayna's dream, since the day her mother had given her her old guitar and told her to use it to explore all her feelings, was to be a country music star. She'd grown up on country music. Virginia Jaymes Wyatt loved classic country music and she had raised up Rayna on the artists she loved best.

One of the most meaningful songs Virginia had shared with her was the old classic, 'Wayfaring Stranger', sung by Bill Monroe.

 _Rayna was mesmerized by the song. She had listened carefully to the words, because her mother had told her to, and she was surprised at the knot she felt in her chest. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears, but when she turned to look at her mother, she saw tears in Virginia's eyes too. "Why does the song make you sad, Mom?" she asked._

 _Virginia hugged her daughter close. "It's always spoken to my soul, sweetheart," she said softly. "It pulls me into the music, every time I listen to it. It's about a better place, Rayna, and I'm waiting to go to that better place."_

 _That scared Rayna. "Are you gonna die, Mom?" she asked, worriedly._

 _Virginia smiled. "No, of course not, dear. At least not right now. But that's what the song is about. Leaving behind all the woe of this life and going on to something better." She hugged her daughter close. "But you don't have to worry about any of that right now. And not for a long time."_

Rayna thought about that. It was surely one of the first songs she'd ever _loved_. Unfortunately, it had only been a year later when her mom died in a car accident and Rayna had often wondered if she'd really found that better place, wondered if, somehow, Virginia had _known_. The song took on even more significance for her then. But the song that made her want to become a country artist was 'Rose Colored Glasses' by John Conlee. Another song her mom had introduced her to and one they'd sung together often. So she was doing this as much to honor her mother as she was for herself. Maybe a little more, sometimes.

What she loved most about country music were the stories each song told. And what she wanted to do more than anything was tell those stories on stage. The other thing her mother had told her, when she gave her the guitar, was to write down all her feelings and channel all that through her music. Rayna knew her mother hadn't known what her fate was, but she had taken it to heart and had started keeping a journal, something she continued to do. She wrote down everything, all her thoughts, feelings, wishes and hopes. She used some of it to write poetry and lyrics, most of which she thought wasn't very good. But she knew that, to be a real artist, she would need to write her own music and so she kept at it.

She smiled to herself. It was because of that music, or more accurately, the need to improve that music, that had led to her meeting Deacon. She looked over at Deacon, sleeping next to her. His breathing was even and rhythmic, as he lay there beside her in their bed. Her heart almost hurt with the love she felt for him and she felt tears spring to her eyes. He had rescued her, saved her from herself and from the life she'd left behind. He was everything to her and now she was going to be his wife. He would be her husband. And they would have that life that was good, the one he'd written about, that he said was for and about her.

She couldn't stand it anymore. She rolled towards him and pressed her naked body against his. He made a noise as he started to wake up and she reached over his hip and touched him with her fingers. "Rayna," he groaned softly, and she wrapped her hand around him. He jerked slightly and moaned again, then covered her hand with his. She pressed her lips against his back and caressed him gently, feeling herself getting more aroused. He tightened his hand over hers, forcing her to add more pressure and she smiled. Then he took her hand away and rolled over to face her, his eyes still heavy-lidded with sleep. She smiled some more. "Rayna, you're the devil," he growled.

She laughed softly. "I thought I was your angel," she whispered. He smiled at her and rolled her onto her back, laying heavily on top of her. He kissed her deeply, then nudged her legs apart with his knee and entered her swiftly. She caught her breath as she took him in. "Oh, Deacon," she breathed out, as she started to move her hips in rhythm with his movements. He lowered his head and found the sensitive area behind her ear and placed tiny kisses there. She arched her back, shifting herself against him, her arms around his back. "Oh, yes, yes, yes," she murmured as he loved her the way she loved best.

* * *

She was in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee, and he came up behind her, putting his hands on the counter on either side of her, leaning his head on her shoulder. "Big day today, huh?" he said, teasingly.

She turned to face him, holding her mug in front of her with both hands. "Yes, it is," she said, with a smile. Then she knitted her eyebrows together. "I can count on you not to get drunk today, right?"

He shook his head. "I ain't gonna get drunk, baby," he said. "I promise." He leaned in to kiss her. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then looked back at her. "I do need some of that coffee though. And a couple aspirin."

She ducked under his arm and walked over to her purse. She fished in it for the aspirin bottle and opened it, shaking two pills into her hand. She walked back over and handed them to him, as well as the mug of coffee she'd poured for herself. "You got a hangover then?" she asked, her voice flat.

He held his thumb and index finger slightly apart. "Just a small one," he said. Then he tossed the pills in his mouth and swallowed them down with the hot coffee. "You know how bachelor parties are, baby," he said, as she got down another mug and poured herself a fresh cup of coffee.

She raised her eyebrows at him and walked into the living room, sitting down on the fake leather couch they'd gotten at a thrift store, pulling her legs up under her. "That was no bachelor party, Deacon, and you know it. It was just you and Vince doing what y'all do, going out and getting ridiculously drunk."

He scowled and then followed her, sitting back against the arm of the couch. "This how we're doing it, Ray? You gonna snipe at me on our wedding day?"

She felt her stomach turn over. She really didn't want to do this, today of all days. It had become a recurring theme, though. One of the things she had learned about Deacon, that she didn't care for, was his propensity to drink. A lot. Cheap whiskey, with his friend Vince. Neither one seemed to know how to stop, although she usually could keep him from going too far, when she was with them. But she had let them go out alone the night before. _One last hurrah before he gets shackled to that ball and chain,_ Vince had said, telling her it was just a joke when she got mad at him for inferring Deacon wasn't doing this willingly.

"No, I'm not," she said then. And she wasn't. It was a happy day. She loved this man, more than her own life, really. She put her mug down then and crawled over to him, curling up in his lap. "I love you, Deacon," she murmured into his chest. "You're everything to me."

He put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. "I love you too, Ray. You're the best thing ever happened to me." He kissed her again. "I promise I'll do better. I'm gonna be a married man. I need to be better than that. So I can take care of you."

* * *

 _She had known, in her heart, the moment she met Deacon, that she would love him for the rest of her life. She had also believed she would spend the rest of her life with him. But the day he took her for a drive to a secluded area along the river, right over the border into Cheatham County, she did not expect a proposal._

 _It was a beautiful, sunny, warm early summer day. They had packed a sandwich lunch and driven to the little cove. It was heavily covered with trees and shrubs. Deacon spread the blanket they'd brought over the small patch of grass and they sat down, pulling off their boots. Rayna pulled out the sandwiches and Cokes she'd put in a plastic grocery sack. They ate quickly and then Deacon laid back on the blanket, his hands behind his head. He looked over at Rayna._

" _You like this place, baby?" he asked._

 _She smiled, sitting cross-legged next to him. "I do. This reminds me a little bit of the place my mom used to take Tandy and me sometimes," she said. "There was some land along the river that had been in her family for years and we used to go out there, just to sing and dream about the future." She looked at him. "Did you have a place like that? Somewhere you used to go and think about your dreams?"_

 _He sighed and then rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. He looked up at her. "I never had no dreams, Ray," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "I just wanted out. I don't know that it was a dream, but I wanted out of the nightmare."_

 _She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair. "I can't even imagine," she said. "I don't really remember wanting to get away, except maybe recently. But I surely did feel like my dreams had disappeared when my mom died."_

 _He ran his hand down her calf, then looked up at her again. "You're my dream, Rayna," he said. "I didn't know it would be you, but when I met you, I knew then."_

 _She smiled. "My dream is for us to make music together, for the rest of our lives. And to sit on our porch, looking out over the water, with our family all around us. Holding hands, being happy."_

" _I love that dream."_

 _She looked out towards the river. "I would love to have a house on the river or on a lake or something. With big windows that look out over the water and a big porch, big enough for lots of chairs. Quiet, peaceful, secluded." She looked back at him. "Doesn't that sound perfect?"_

 _He nodded. "I'll get you that place one day, baby." She smiled at him and he sat up, taking her hands in his. "I love you so much, Rayna," he said._

" _I love you too, Deacon."_

 _He leaned towards her. "You're my dream. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, making you happy, loving you." He looked deep into her eyes. "I love you more than anything else in the whole world. Marry me."_

 _Her eyes snapped wide open. "What? Are you serious?"_

 _He smiled. "I am. I mean, I know we're young and we hadn't known each other long, but…."_

 _She breathed in and then smiled, rising up on her legs and throwing her arms around his neck. "Yes!" she cried. "Yes, I'll marry you!"_

 _He got up on his knees and put his arms around her waist, leaning in to kiss her. "I don't got a ring or nothing, but I'll get you one."_

 _She shook her head, still smiling. "I don't need that. Just a plain old wedding band is fine with me." She hugged him and then kissed him. She leaned her forehead against his. "This is the happiest day of my life," she whispered._

* * *

They were getting married at Watty White's house. There weren't going to be a lot of people there, just the other musicians and artists they'd met as they worked the honky tonks and dive bars around Middle Tennessee. Watty had become like a father to her, more of a father than the one she had. Lamar Wyatt didn't know she was getting married, although she had no illusions that he would learn it eventually.

She was sitting in front of a mirror, putting on her makeup. Deacon was in another bedroom, getting dressed. She smiled to herself as she remembered how he'd stood just outside the door to this room and kissed her.

" _Next time I kiss you, we'll be married," he said._

 _She grabbed his hand and looked searchingly into his eyes. "You sure about this?" she asked. "You're sure we should get married?" She knew she wanted to, more than anything, but they were so very young._

 _He frowned. "Course I'm sure. Ain't you?" he asked and then he looked worried. "You ain't having second thoughts, are you?"_

 _She shook her head. "No, not at all." She smiled at him coyly. "But you know, you're giving up all those Samantha Beeswaxes," she said teasingly._

 _He raised his eyebrows. "Ain't nobody holds a candle to you, Ray. Not even Samantha Beasley."_

 _She laughed and pushed at his chest. "Go get ready then. I'll see you in front of the minister." And then she'd walked into the bedroom and shut the door firmly behind her._

The first time he'd kissed her had been in his car after a party they'd gone to. They hadn't gone together, but they well and surely left together. She had wanted him to kiss her for weeks, really ever since she'd met him. She was pretty sure he wanted to kiss her too. But he had a girlfriend then and she could see that he felt some sense of loyalty. That had impressed her about him, but she also thought he could do a lot better than the silly Samantha Beeswax.

He had become her regular guitar player, when she was performing. She still hadn't gotten a paying gig – she was hitting every open mic and new artist spotlight she could, trying to get noticed – but he hung in there with her. The closest they had come to kissing had been after they had performed at the Exit/In. She always rolled her eyes at the irony that she could perform at places she'd never be admitted to as a customer, but she kept at it, hoping that one of these performances would lead to something that paid money.

 _They had finished their set, which actually was a combination of the two of them. Deacon performed some songs, she performed some songs, they did some duets. It had become their thing. She found herself relying on him more and more. He was always there with her, supporting her, and she did the same for him. Something seemed different that night, though. They had done a duet on 'Tennessee Waltz' and it had been almost surreal. She had felt something she'd never felt before with Deacon. It had been like the crowd faded away and it was just the two of them, just singing to each other. It wasn't the words of the song as much as it was just the connection between the two of them. It had left her a little breathless as they came off the stage._

 _She turned to him. "That was amazing," she said._

 _He nodded. "Yes, it was," he replied. His eyes seemed to be pulling her in and she took a step towards him. He touched her arm with his hand and started to lean towards her._

" _Deacon!" The sound of Samantha's voice broke the mood and they stepped away from each other. She looked away for a second and then back, as Samantha brushed against her to throw her arms around Deacon. "Oh, hon, you were fantastic!" she cried, kissing him full on the mouth. Then she turned to look at Rayna. "Oh, and you too, sweetie," she said. She was smiling, but Rayna saw possessiveness in her eyes, and a warning to stay away._

 _Rayna took another step back and lifted her hand. "Thanks, Deacon," she said. "See you tomorrow." And she had hurried off so that neither of them would see the tears in her eyes._

When she let him kiss her in his car, she had thought for a second she might faint from the amazingness of it. But she didn't. She had let him kiss her again, until she was breathless from it. It hadn't been long after that night that he broke things off with Samantha Beasley and the two of them became a duo both on and off stage. Which turned out to be a good thing when, two weeks later Watty got her a paying gig and she came home to find all of her things in suitcases in the front foyer. With nowhere else to go, she had showed up at Deacon's tiny one bedroom apartment.

* * *

 _When she walked into the house, there were suitcases in the foyer. She looked around in confusion, then heard footsteps. Her father walked out of his study and stood looking at her, his arms crossed and an angry look on his face. "I told you not to defy me, Rayna," he said, his voice low and menacing._

 _Her heart was pounding, but she stood her ground, trying not to let him know how scared she was. "I don't know what you mean," she responded._

 _He smiled, a wicked, unpleasant smile that didn't reach his eyes. He walked towards her. "I told you not to pursue this folly of yours," he said. "But you didn't listen and you did it anyway."_

" _I was out…studying," she said, swallowing hard._

 _He got in her face and the look on his face was pure anger. "Don't lie to me, little girl!" he said, shaking his finger at her. She stepped back. "I know exactly where you were tonight. And where you've been every night you've left this house without my permission. How stupid did you think I was, Rayna?"_

 _She breathed in and out, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions," she said, trying to sound more confident than she felt._

 _He raised his eyebrows. "Not when you live in my house, you don't!" he shouted. Then he smiled unkindly and waved his hand towards the suitcases. "But then, you don't live in my house anymore. Since you decided to make your own damn rules, you can just find your own damn way in the world. Without my help!"_

 _Her eyes grew wide. "You're…you're kicking me out?" she said._

" _I'm telling you that you don't live in my house anymore," he said, his voice cold._

 _She gasped and then she squeezed her hands into fists. She refused to be intimidated by him. "That's just fine," she said, through clenched teeth. "I don't need you anyway." She walked to the suitcases and picked up two. Then she turned and scowled at him. "You don't have to worry about me anymore, Daddy," she declared and marched out the door. She threw the suitcases into the trunk and then went back in for the rest. Lamar was nowhere to be seen when she walked back inside. When she had everything in her car, she pulled out of the driveway and then burst into tears._

Just thinking about it now made her sick to her stomach. _What kind of father kicks his sixteen year old daughter out? Just for following her dream?_ She didn't understand it, but had made up her mind to make her own way from that point on. She was just grateful she had Deacon's support. He was her family now. And in just a little while, he would be her husband. She smiled at her reflection. This was truly the happiest day of her life.

* * *

She pulled out her journal to record her thoughts on this big day. _I'm getting married today, to the love of my life. I know I'm young, but I feel old inside. I feel like I've really lived a life in these seventeen years. What I do know is that the feelings I have for Deacon are grown-up feelings. I mean, he_ _knows_ _me, deep in my soul. And I know him the same way. I think, no matter where life takes us, we'll always have that bond, always be this connected, always be each other's family. He's my anchor in a storm, the limb I cling to in the wind, the one who grounds me in a way I never thought was possible. I love him with every inch of my heart, with every fiber of my being, with every piece of my soul._

* * *

Tandy seemed nervous as she helped Rayna into the vintage white wedding dress she'd found at a local consignment store. "You didn't tell Daddy about this, did you?" Rayna asked her sister.

Tandy shook her head. "No, of course not," she said. She put her hands on Rayna's shoulders and leaned in. "But he'll find out. You know he will. Just like he found out that you changed your last name to Jaymes."

Rayna straightened her back. "I don't care. He won't be able to do anything. I don't have to have his permission to get married. You're my guardian and you're here. That's all I need." She reached up to put her hand on Tandy's and softened her face. "Thank you for being here. It means the world to me."

Tandy smiled and kissed Rayna on the cheek. "You're my baby sister, Rayna. Of course I'd be here." She adjusted the sleeves on the dress. Rayna had picked out a tulle tea length gown with a lace overlay bodice, with sheer lace sleeves. Tandy wound some baby's breath in Rayna's hair. "You look beautiful, sweetie."

Rayna stepped into her white strappy sandals and then smoothed her hands over the skirt of the dress. "I feel beautiful," she said, with a smile. She looked at Tandy's reflection in the mirror and frowned. "What?"

Tandy shook her head and averted her eyes. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing," Rayna said firmly.

Tandy looked back at her. "It's just…oh, Rayna, baby, you're just seventeen. How do you know Deacon is the one…?"

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "The one I want to spend my life with? Because he is. I love him. I feel a connection to him that I've never felt with anyone else before. I can't explain it, except to say he's like music is for me. I can't imagine my life without music. Or without him." She breathed in. "He loves me, Tandy. He's part of my soul and I'm part of his." She smiled then. "I'm going to grow old with him. I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

 **Deacon**

When Deacon first met Rayna Wyatt, he already had a girlfriend. Samantha Beasley. He'd been with Samantha for several months. She was a waitress at one of the places he'd played when he first got to Nashville. She was twenty-one and gorgeous, almost like a pin-up girl. She was blonde with green eyes – like a cat, he used to say – and a body that just wouldn't quit. He'd had sex with her in the employee bathroom before he even knew her name. Within a week, he was spending almost every night with her. She'd turned out to be more clingy than he would have liked, but she was great in bed, so he overlooked it. But then he went to an open mic at the Bluebird and his whole world changed.

She wouldn't become Rayna Jaymes until her father kicked her out of the house, so on that night, she was still a nervous sixteen year old, sneaking out to play her songs. She went on stage before he did and he remembered stopping what he was doing and watching her. She was all awkward arms and legs then – actually she still was a little bit, but he didn't mind – but she had a wholesome look about her that mesmerized him. She looked like the ultimate girl next door, although he found out later she was anything but. She had creamy skin, with freckles that danced across her nose, and reddish-gold hair that floated around her head like a halo. She had a sweet smile and, he learned later, a throaty little laugh that made him feel all warm inside.

He watched her perform without really hearing anything other than her sweet voice, the voice of an angel. She looked like the type of girl you'd build a life with and he jotted down his thoughts on a napkin that he would later turn into a song inspired by her. Samantha Beasley's days were numbered at that point, although she didn't know it yet. He had known, the moment his eyes landed on Rayna, that she was the one, his one true love, although he couldn't have fully articulated why at that point. And there were surely days after that when he felt unworthy of someone like her, but he knew, with certainty, that he would never meet anyone else quite like her.

* * *

He got to know her when he gave her guitar lessons. Or tried to give her guitar lessons. He learned two things from that experience – she wasn't probably ever going to be a great guitar player and she had a mouth on her.

 _She walked up to him with her guitar case and sat next to him on the rock wall. She looked over at him briefly, then looked away. "So Mr. White said you could help me," she said. "Am I really that bad?"_

 _He looked over at her, but she still couldn't really look him in the eye. "Honestly?" he said. "You're pretty bad. You ever had lessons?"_

 _She looked at him then, her eyes flashing and her lips pressed together in a thin line. She breathed out. "Yes, I've had lessons. So, you think you're some kind of guitar god then?" she asked angrily._

 _He raised his eyebrows. "Well, I'm better than you." He shifted a little. She was getting under his skin a little bit, and not just in a negative way. She made his chest feel tight. "I thought you wanted to learn. That's what Watty said. I ain't here to blow smoke up your butt."_

 _She gasped. "Why, you're just rude!" she said. "I don't know why Mr. White thinks you're so great."_

 _He laughed then. "Why you keep calling him 'Mr. White'?"_

 _She sat up really straight then and he could have sworn she looked down her nose at him. "Because I have good manners, that's why."_

 _He laughed again. "Well, maybe you got good manners, but you still ain't all that great a guitar player. Do you want me to help or not?"_

 _She sat there for a minute, as though she were thinking about it. Then she looked away. "I guess I have no choice," she said. She turned back to look at him. "Or you could just play guitar for me. Since you're so much better than I am and all."_

 _He considered that. "We could do both," he said finally._

 _She pointed her finger at him. "You have to be nice to me," she said._

 _He laughed. "I don't gotta be nice. I just gotta be good," he said._

He smiled to himself. She never did get much better on the guitar, but he did start playing for her.

* * *

There were two reasons why he didn't make a move on Rayna right away and neither of them had anything to do with Samantha Beasley. The first reason was because she was a Wyatt. Watty had told him about Rayna's family, that her father was one of the most influential businesspeople in Nashville and the state of Tennessee. She lived in a Belle Meade mansion and wanted for nothing. She was so far out of his league that he never dreamed she would look at him as anything other than hired help. And then there was the fact that she was sixteen. He was only three years older than her, but that seemed like a bigger deal when the girl facing him, with her youthful, girl-next-door face, wasn't even out of high school.

He surely wanted to though. Every time he spent time with her, he wanted to kiss her, hold her hand, put his arms around her. When she wasn't being mouthy, she was actually a lot of fun, with an easy laugh. She still seemed skittish around him and he wasn't sure why that was. She was very naïve though, about a lot of things, and he thought that might be why. But one day, after a more productive than usual guitar lesson, they finally talked about each other, and found out they had more in common than they thought.

" _Why are you doing this, Rayna Wyatt?" he asked._

" _Doing what?" she responded._

" _Music."_

 _She sighed. "I feel like I have to. Like I'm just meant to do it." She bit her lip. "Isn't that why you do it?"_

 _He thought about that. "Yeah, I guess. But it also got me out of Mississippi."_

" _That's where you're from?" He nodded. "Don't you miss your family?"_

 _He shook his head. "Ain't nobody to miss," he said, frowning._

 _She looked at him for a long time. "You running away from something?" she asked, her voice filled with compassion._

 _He shrugged. "Maybe."_

 _She leaned her head back against the stone wall. "I'm doing this for my mama," she said quietly. "She encouraged me, but then, you know, she died when I was twelve. And my daddy, well, my daddy doesn't really seem to care about what I do." Her voice got shaky and trailed off. He looked over at her and thought he saw the glint of tears in her eyes. She looked back at him then. "I want to be an artist. I want to sing on stage and tell people my stories. I feel like I have so much to say, but I don't know exactly how to say it."_

" _Just say what you know," he said._

 _She sighed. "What is it you're running from, Deacon?"_

" _I didn't say I was doing that," he said, uncertain about sharing his past with her._

" _I think you are though." She reached out and touched his arm and he felt a shot of electricity run through him._

Later on he would wonder why he told her the sad story of the Claybourne family. He'd never really told anyone before, but it seemed like she cared and so he told her about his abusive alcoholic father, about his timid and beaten down mother, and the life that he and his sister Beverly had endured. He told her about his father giving him alcohol from a very young age and telling him he would be a drunk too. He told her about the fights his parents had and the violence inflicted on his mother, his sister and himself. And then his promise to get out and find a better life for himself.

She didn't recoil from him, just listened. And then she told him about the fights between her parents and the times her mother would leave the house because she was so unhappy. She told him how her mother died and that her father had turned distant and uncommunicative. She talked about how she felt like such an outsider in her own family and that music was the only thing that gave her comfort.

It bonded them, the music and the pain they'd each lived through, connecting them more every day.

* * *

 _He hadn't been home long. Long enough for two juice glasses of cheap whiskey and he was thinking about a third. It had been a good night. It was Rayna's first paying gig, at a place out in Gallatin called Pete's. The place had been a little less than half full, but the crowd had been enthusiastic. She didn't care though, because it felt like she had arrived._

 _As they came off the stage, she threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, my God, Deacon, that was amazing!" she cried. He put a hand around her waist and pulled her in close, kissing her. He was so glad to be able to kiss her now that he did it a lot._

" _You were amazing out there, baby," he said, grinning at her. "You're on your way!"_

 _Her smile faded just a little. "Will you still play guitar for me?"_

" _Course I will," he said. "Why wouldn't I?"_

" _Well, you have your own career," she said._

 _He shrugged. "We'll work it out." He took her home, dropping her off two driveways over from hers, like always. Then he sped away._

 _But now there was a knock on his door and when he went to open it, he found Rayna standing there, in tears. "Rayna?" he said. "What are you doing here?" She just shook her head, unable to speak. He grabbed her hand and pulled her in the door, shutting it behind her. He led her to the couch and they sat down. He put his arm around her and she leaned against his shoulder. "Baby, what happened?" he asked again._

 _She looked up at him. "Daddy…kicked me out." And then she started to cry again._

 _He frowned. "What?"_

" _He…he told me if I kept, you know, doing this…I couldn't stay there. That I had to follow his rules." She rolled her eyes. "He, well, he found out about tonight. When I got home, he had all my stuff in the foyer."_

 _He was stunned. "Really?" he asked._

 _She nodded. "Can I stay here tonight?" she asked. "You're the only family I have."_

 _He swallowed over the lump in his throat, put his arms around her and held her close. "Baby, you can stay as long as you need to."_

He stood in front of the mirror and adjusted the tie Watty had given him. He couldn't ever remember wearing a suit, but he had promised Rayna he'd dress up for this. Rayna had never moved out, once she'd moved in. Not surprisingly, she was a virgin, and it was nearly a month before he had come home from his part-time job to find her naked underneath her robe, asking him to make love to her. He'd been very gentle with her and had taken his time, but it had solidified their connection even more, made them even more entwined with each other.

And now he was going to marry her, the love of his life. He was nervous, but he also couldn't wait. They _were_ each other's family and now it would be official.

* * *

Watty was standing next to him as he watched Rayna's sister walk towards him and then Rayna. He smiled as she approached. She was glowing, he thought. She looked so beautiful. He thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. When she came and stood in front of him, he leaned down to kiss her, even though he knew he was supposed to wait. She took his hand and they turned to face the minister.

He could feel her hand shaking a little in his and he turned to look at her, smiling. "We're okay," he whispered.

She gave him a slight nod. "I know," she whispered back.

They repeated their vows to each other and then he put a silver band on her finger that he'd had engraved with the word 'Forever' and she put a matching band on his finger that said 'For always'. He could see the tears in her eyes and he knew he had tears in his own. He finally could lean down and officially give her their first kiss as husband and wife. When he released her lips, he whispered, "You're my wife."

She grinned back at him. "You're my husband." And he kissed her again, long enough that their guests started to cheer.


	2. 1990

**Rayna**

Rayna came in the bedroom with a mug of coffee and sat down next to Deacon, who was sprawled out on his stomach. She looked at him for a second and then leaned over and set the mug on the bedside table. Then she put her hand on his back and rubbed it gently. "Babe?" she said softly.

"What?" he said, gruffly, then turned his head away from her.

She looked at him a moment, then sighed. "I brought you some coffee."

"Just leave it," he said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

She frowned. "Deacon, it's almost eleven. I don't want you to spend the whole day in bed."

He turned back to look at her, scowling. "Rayna, I feel like shit. I'd rather stay in bed all day."

She clenched her jaw. "Yeah, I'll bet you do." She crossed one leg over the other then. "How much did you and Vince drink last night?"

"Hell if I know," he snarled. "What difference does it make? You gonna be any less pissed?"

"Deacon, I don't want to fight with you. But I've never seen you that drunk. It scared me." She clasped her hands in her lap. "You're my husband and I love you," she said, choking back tears. "I was scared." She had been. Vince had basically dragged him up the stairs and it was all the two of them could do to get him onto the bed. He'd spent half the night in the bathroom, sick. She'd spent it crying in bed. She reached up and wiped her eyes.

He grabbed her hand then. "I'm sorry, baby," he said. She looked at him and saw that there _was_ sorrow in his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I don't wanna scare you." He rolled onto his side then, putting a hand on her waist. "I just, you know, wanted to celebrate with Vince. So I could be with you all day today."

She looked at him and could feel the tears still rolling down her face. "But you're _not_ with me, Deacon, that's the thing. You're hungover and sick and…and it's your _birthday_ and _I_ want to celebrate with you."

He propped himself up then and she could see he was still hurting. "I'm sorry, baby. I wanna be with you too." He looked over at the mug of coffee. "Maybe I could drink that coffee. And you could get me some aspirin?" She nodded and reached for the mug. He forced himself to sit up, wincing as he did. She handed him the mug. She took a deep breath as she took in his nakedness. In spite of how angry she'd been, she could feel herself start to twitch.

She made herself get up and go get aspirin. She brought it back to him and sat next to him. "Is there anything else I can get you?" she asked.

He looked at her and she could see the anguish in his eyes. "You know what would help? A shot of whiskey."

She shook her head. "No, Deacon, not again."

He reached for her hand. "No, baby, just a shot. Maybe two. You know, the hair of the dog. Not enough to get drunk, just to ease the hangover."

She hesitated. But she didn't know much about drinking and drinking to excess, and she knew she was in control of this, so she decided to do it. She got up and went into the kitchen and poured a shot of whiskey. She noticed the bottle was less full than she thought it had been, but she wasn't positive, so she just brought the whiskey back. She watched him throw it back and then squeeze his eyes shut and cough. Then he took a deep breath and let it out. He handed her the glass. "Maybe just one more." She eyed him carefully and he held up one finger. "Just one."

She got up and went to pour another shot. She stood for a second and then got a second shot glass, pouring one for herself. She brought them both back in the bedroom and settled back on the bed, handing one to him. He started to put it to his lips, but she reached for his hand. "Wait," she said, and he stopped and looked at her. She tapped her glass to his. "Happy twenty-first birthday, babe," she said, with a little smile.

He smiled and then leaned over to kiss her. She hated the mixture of the sour taste of his hangover mixed with the metallic flavor of the cheap whiskey, but she loved the feel of his lips on hers and his tongue in her mouth. It was a kiss that made her toes curl, by the time he pulled away. Then he tapped her glass and downed his shot and she did the same. She winced at the taste, but then let herself feel the warmth of the liquor as it slid down her throat and into her stomach. She felt it spread through her body and she felt warm and a little buzzy.

He looked at her breasts and then back into her eyes. She knew her nipples were hard and she knew he could tell. He reached out and tugged at the bottom of her t-shirt. "Baby, you have the best tits," he said, with a slow smile. She breathed in. He leaned towards her. "Take your shirt off, Rayna," he whispered. She did. He reached out and traced his thumb down the skin between her breasts. It made her shiver and she couldn't help but notice his arousal. He nodded at her and she knew he wanted her to take off her bra, so she reached behind her and unhooked it. It sprang forward and she slipped the straps off her shoulders, freeing her breasts. He sucked in his breath, as he let his hand roam over her skin, tweaking her nipples. She let out a little involuntary moan and he grinned broadly.

He pulled her over so that she straddled him. She could feel him pressed against her panties between her legs. He leaned into her ear. "You got too many clothes on, Ray," he whispered roughly. She laughed softly, then got off the bed and removed her skirt and panties.

"Can I be your birthday present, babe?" she asked, smiling at him.

He reached for her, pulling her down on top of him. "It's the only present I want," he said, threading his fingers through her hair and kissing her hungrily.

 _ **~nashville~**_

The sun coming through the crack in the curtains woke Rayna up. She made a little noise and rolled over onto her side. She hated getting up in the morning, always wanting a little more time in bed. It had always been like this. She remembered how her mom would have to come in her bedroom at least twice every morning to wake her up for school. She felt a lump in her throat as she thought about her mom. It had been six years since she died, but Rayna still missed her as much as if it had happened the day before.

She felt Deacon roll over and put his hand on her arm, leaning into her. "Morning, baby," he whispered, his breath hot against her neck.

She pushed out of the bed then. "You smell like a whiskey bottle, babe," she said, a touch of annoyance in her voice. He actually smelled like sour whiskey, a little puke, and some sweat. The way he always smelled after a night out with Vince. And even though she'd been with them as well, she hadn't really been able to keep him from drinking more than he should have. "Take a shower. And brush your teeth," she said, as she walked out of the bedroom.

 _Vince had poured them all another shot of whiskey. Vince was two years older than Deacon, so he had always been the one who could technically buy liquor. It wasn't like Deacon hadn't found his own sources who would sell him beer or whiskey, but now that he was twenty-one, Deacon would be able to buy his own legally and she worried a little about how often he would do that. They were sitting out at the pool at Vince's apartment. Rayna had one shot glass of whiskey to every third one of the guys'. She still wasn't crazy about the taste, but she'd learned to tolerate it._

 _As Vince and Deacon drank more, they got louder, and she eventually got up and walked over to the pool, sitting down on the edge and putting her bare feet in the slightly cool water. Deacon didn't drink all the time – he told her over and over how he didn't want to become a drunk like his father – but when he was around Vince, he drank more than he should. She liked Vince, but, in this one respect, he was a bad influence on Deacon._

" _Hey, baby, come on back!" Deacon called out, his words starting to slur just a little._

 _She turned to look at the two of them. They were both slumped down in their chairs and were beginning to look a little wasted. She gave him a tiny smile. "I'm good," she said. She turned back and scissored her feet in the water, leaning forward just a little, her hands gripping the rim of the pool on either side of her._

" _Come on," he cajoled. "Don't be a party pupper." He snickered and Vince guffawed over his mess up of the word._

 _She sighed. "I'm fine where I am, Deacon," she said._

" _Aw, come on, Rayna, one more round," Vince said. She turned to look at him as he held up the shot glass._

" _Just one more?" she said._

" _Thass all, baby," Deacon slurred. "Then we'll go home." He raised his eyebrow at her in a way she knew meant he was trying to be sexy. But he just looked drunk._

 _She sighed. "One more and we need to go, Deacon," she said. She wanted to get him home before he got too wasted. If he did, he'd have a wicked hangover the next day and be a jerk. Fortunately, he didn't get drunk that often and he certainly wasn't a drunk like his father. She pushed herself up from the pool and walked back over to the table._

 _Deacon grabbed her hand when she sat down and lifted it to his lips for a slightly sloppy kiss. "Juss one more, baby," he said, smiling at her._

 _Vince poured out three more shots of whiskey and handed one to Rayna. "Here you go, girl," he said, with a big grin._

 _Rayna breathed in and then lifted the glass to her lips. She'd already had three shots and was feeling tipsy. She sipped on this one. She watched Deacon down his and then pick up the bottle and lift it to his lips. She set her glass down and grabbed his arm. "Deacon," she said, frowning at him._

 _He scowled back and held up the bottle. "Iss juss a sip, Ray," he said._

 _She didn't let go of his arm. "Please, Deacon," she said. "You've had enough. You're gonna feel like shit tomorrow, you know."_

 _He seemed to think about that and then he slowly put the bottle down. "Alright," he said, looking glum._

 _She stood up then. "We need to go," she said. He looked at her darkly. "Please?"_

 _His face softened then and he stood up, a little unsteadily. "Okay, baby." He leaned in and landed a sloppy kiss on her cheek. He turned to Vince and smirked. "Don't I got the hottest wife?" he said, with a short laugh._

" _Deacon," she said, a warning tone in her voice. Vince shrugged and she pulled Deacon towards her car._

 _When they reached the car, he put his arms around her waist and leaned into her. "Lemme drive, baby," he murmured._

 _She nearly choked from the smell of whiskey and sweat wafting off of him. "No," she said firmly. "I'm driving."_

As she made coffee, she could hear the shower running. She sighed. Even though he didn't drink all the time, he sometimes overdid it. When he was just a little tipsy, he could be sweet, but when he'd had too much, it just annoyed her. At least he only drank when they didn't have a gig. She poured herself a cup of coffee and leaned back against the counter as she sipped on it. She smiled to herself. Overall, life was good though. They were getting a lot of paying gigs, which meant they didn't have to do as much side work to make ends meet. And married life was great. She was happier than she'd ever been and felt like she fell in love with Deacon a little more every day.

She heard the shower cut off and she turned back and reached for another mug, setting it on the counter. When he opened the bathroom door and walked out, his wet hair was combed back and he had a towel wrapped around his waist. His skin was still glistening with moisture. She turned back to pour a mug of coffee for him and he came up behind her, putting his hands on the counter on either side of her.

"I brushed my teeth," he whispered against her neck. She laughed softly. He flicked his tongue at the sensitive skin behind her ear and she made a little noise in the back of her throat, closing her eyes. He moved his hand to cover her right breast, kneading it through her t-shirt.

"Oh, babe," she moaned. He slid his hand down and pushed up her t-shirt and she felt the warm tingle run down to her toes as he moved his hand over her bare flesh, pinching her nipple. "Mmm, mmm," she moaned. She could feel him, hard against her ass. He moved his other hand from the counter and slid it between the two of them, dropping his towel and then pulling at her panties, trying to slide them down. She moved her hands to push them down and then stepped out of them, little arrows of need zinging her core.

"Baby, you feel so good," he murmured, and he slid his hands to her waist and moved her so that he could enter her. She moaned as he filled her up and then she let herself follow his rhythm. His lips trailed up and down her spine as he took her over the edge.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Rayna was pacing in the tiny living room of the apartment. She and Deacon had argued about going to her father's house for Thanksgiving dinner. She was not really any happier about it than he was, but she hoped it meant her father was ready to accept that she was moving on with her dreams. She opened the door to the bathroom. Deacon was standing at the sink and he turned and scowled at her. She sighed as she saw him still standing there, with a towel around his waist and his still damp hair. "Deacon, come on," she said.

"Why don't you just go on without me, Rayna," he said, more than a touch of annoyance in his voice. "Lamar Wyatt don't wanna see me."

"He invited both of us."

He rolled his eyes. "He invited _you_." He reached out and pushed the door closed in her face.

She clenched her fists by her side and fumed. "Deacon, I need you to get ready now!" she shouted and then resumed her pacing.

 _Tandy had not been wrong that Lamar would find out about Rayna and Deacon getting married. In fact, he showed up at their apartment two weeks later. They were sitting on the couch watching bad daytime TV when a knock came at the door. Rayna jumped up and opened the door. Deacon always warned her to look through the peephole first, but she always forgot. This was one time when she wished she hadn't. She caught her breath when she saw Lamar standing there, a dark scowl on his face. "Daddy," she said. "What are you doing here?"_

 _He replaced the scowl with an unpleasant smile. "Aren't you going to invite me in, Rayna?" he asked._

 _Deacon had jumped up from the couch by then and she could see him out of the corner of her eye, his hands on his hips, his jaw set._ Please stay calm _, she begged silently when she glanced at him. She looked back at her father. "What do you want?" she asked, ignoring his question._

 _He pushed past her anyway and she let the door close behind him. He looked around the tiny apartment. She had gotten used to it in the time she'd lived here, but as she looked at it through his eyes, she knew he was thinking it was shabby and_ _beneath_ _her. He looked back at her. "This is hardly as large as your bedroom at home," he said._

" _This is my home, Daddy," she said firmly._

 _Lamar shook his head. "I still can't believe you'd give up what you had for this." He waved his hand around, and Rayna noticed he included Deacon in that._

 _She raised her eyebrows. "I didn't give it up, Daddy. You kicked me out, if you'll remember."_

 _He looked back at her. "Was it worth it then, Rayna? For this? For him?"_

 _Deacon took two steps toward Lamar and she looked at him, giving him a warning glance. She did not want this to turn into a fight. She looked back at her father. "Yes, Daddy, it was. It was worth it for all of this. And especially for him."_

" _Including a marriage that's not even legal?"_

 _Deacon was standing right next to her then, pointing his finger at Lamar. "There ain't nothing illegal about our marriage," he said angrily._

" _Deacon, please," she said, grabbing at his arm, which he jerked away._

 _Lamar raised his eyebrows. "Except for the fact that she's not eighteen and she needs a parent present," he said, his voice lethal. "Which I wasn't."_

 _She frowned at him. "Tandy was there. She was my guardian."_

 _Lamar smiled then, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "We'll just see how that plays in front of judge," he said._

" _You didn't want her!" Deacon shouted then. "You threw her away! We'll see how_ _that_ _plays!" She grabbed his arm again, trying to keep him from doing something he might regret._

 _Lamar leaned towards Deacon, pointing at him. "I was teaching her a lesson, young man," he said. "A lesson she seems not to have learned, about disobeying her father's wishes."_

" _What about mine, Daddy?" she said loudly. "What about my wishes? My dreams? And Deacon loves me. He's taking care of me. Something you didn't want to do." She got between Deacon and Lamar then. "I'm almost eighteen anyway. So just leave us be."_

 _Lamar breathed out, then lifted a finger in front of her face. "When this all falls apart, this marriage, this little folly of yours, don't come running back to me," he said. "That door is closed to you, Rayna."_

 _Deacon stepped around Rayna and leaned towards Lamar. "Get out," he said. "Now!"_

 _Lamar looked menacingly at Deacon for a moment, then turned to Rayna. "Remember what I said," he responded and then turned and walked out the door._

Lamar had not pressed the issue with their marriage again, but Rayna couldn't help but wonder if there was an ulterior motive to his invitation to Thanksgiving lunch. She was past the age where he could threaten anything, but she knew there was never something given without something being expected in return, as far as Lamar Wyatt was concerned.

Just then Deacon walked out of the bedroom. Not that he had a closet full of dress up clothes, but she noticed he at least wore clean jeans and a white shirt, tucked in. She couldn't help but smile. _He's just so gorgeous._ "You look very handsome, babe," she said, walking over to him. She put a hand on his chest and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

She could see him clench his jaw. "I'm only doing this for you, Rayna," he said.

She took his hand and rocked back and forth in her boots. "I know," she said, with a smile. "And I appreciate it." She put her arms around his waist then and arched herself into him. "And I will also show you just how much I appreciate it when we get home." She raised an eyebrow at him.

He couldn't help but smile at her and he pulled her in for a long kiss. "I'm gonna hold you to that, baby," he whispered in her ear, sending quivers of desire up and down her body. "You can be sure you will be well and truly _fucked_."

She made a little involuntary moan and blushed. Her imagination was already driving her wild. "Can't wait," she whispered back.

* * *

When they pulled into the driveway and Deacon stopped the truck, he reached over and grabbed her arm. "Who all is gonna be here?" he asked. She thought he looked a little nervous.

"Just Daddy and Tandy. And maybe Tandy's boyfriend, Charlie. But now that I think about it, I think she said he was going hunting with some friends. So probably just Daddy and Tandy." She looked at him closely. "Are you scared?"

He frowned. "I ain't scared."

She smiled. "Just don't let Daddy get under your skin. Don't take his bait."

"Okay." They both got out of the truck and he hurried around and took her hand. "I don't know nothing about fancy dinners. What if I use the wrong fork?"

She laughed. "It's not quite like that. But you can watch me, if you want." She started for the door, but he let go of her hand and slid it around her waist, pulling her in close.

"I love you, Rayna," he said.

She smiled and kissed him. "I love you, Deacon," she replied. "Now, let's go get this over with." They headed up the steps towards the front door. She didn't want to tell him that she was just as nervous about this as he was. She had no idea what might be waiting for them and, with Deacon's short temper, she was afraid her father would push him into reacting. She hesitated for a moment at the front door, but then looked over at Deacon, linked her fingers with his, and opened it.

"Damn, Rayna," Deacon whispered as they walked into the two-story foyer. She hadn't been in this house since the night her father had kicked her out and she noticed nothing had changed. The large Oriental rug was still on the floor, the same ostentatious art and murals on the wall. She looked at it through Deacon's eyes and realized it was too much.

She gave him a sad smile. "It may be pretty, but there's no soul here," she said softly. He looked at her and squeezed her hand.

"Well, well, well," came Lamar's voice from the stairs. Rayna and Deacon looked up to see him slowly make his way down to the foyer. He looked at Deacon. "Now you get to see what you took my daughter away from," he said.

Deacon nearly crushed her fingers and Rayna winced. "Daddy, he did not take me away from anywhere," she said, angrily. "You were the one who kicked me out, if you recall." She glared at him. "If you can't be cordial, we'll leave right now."

* * *

They left before dessert. Rayna stomped down the steps, Deacon trailing behind her. "Baby, I'm sorry," he said.

She whirled around, furious. "I _told_ you not to let him get under your skin. But you just couldn't keep your mouth shut!" she shouted.

He frowned. "He was _lecturing_ you, Rayna!" he shouted back, getting in her face. "He don't know nothing about your career and you know it. He don't have the right to talk to you that way."

She clenched her fists against her legs. "I know that, Deacon! But you didn't have to tell him to go to hell. I've told you how mean he can be. You don't know what he might do."

He shook his head. "I ain't afraid of him, Ray." He raised his eyebrows. "And I ain't gonna let him talk to you that way."

She breathed in. She'd been so angry, she was shaking. She had to admit she'd been angry at how her father kept picking at her about her career, as though it was beneath her to play at honky tonks and bars. She had tried to tell him it was how everyone started out, but he'd dismissed her dreams so completely that she'd snapped. When Deacon had jumped into it, it had turned into a verbal free-for-all until she'd dragged him out. She looked at him now. She could still see the anger in his eyes and the tension in his jaw. But he had stood up for her, defended her and her choices to her father. She finally breathed out and smiled at him. "Thank you," she said.

He looked confused then. "For what?"

She reached out and took his hand. "Thank you for standing up for me," she said.

He took a deep breath, then he put his arm around her and pulled her into an embrace. "I'll always stand up for you, baby," he said, against her hair. "You're my family." He stepped back then and winked at her. "Now you owe me what you promised."

 **Deacon**

He wanted to make love to her all the time. She was just so damn beautiful and sexy. It didn't hurt that she was game for most anything. But it wasn't all sex. It was also music. It was all wrapped up together for him, and he thought for her as well. He had come to Nashville to make his own way, but once he'd met her, he knew he wanted to do it with her. _Needed_ to do it with her. He picked up the journal she kept by her side of the bed one afternoon and flipped through it. He knew she kept other journals that were tucked under her lingerie in their dresser, and he respected her privacy and left them alone, but the one by the bed was where she kept little song ideas.

Ever since they'd gotten together, she'd been hesitant about writing her own music. The songs she'd performed at places like the Bluebird, where they required you write your own music, were sweet and light, but lyrically immature and the melodies were simplistic. She preferred singing other people's songs and would sometimes even sing his. He wanted to write with her though. The ideas she had in her notebook were surprisingly good, just not fleshed out enough. He thought he could help and that, together, they could do great stuff.

He looked at what she'd written most recently. _It's a long road to being independent / But now I'm leaving to find myself / Everyone is telling me I can't do this and not to go / But I'm already on my way._ It wasn't very lyrical, but it could be fixed, he thought. He liked the idea behind it, because it surely was Rayna's truth. He knew she was out at the pool, since it was a day off for both of them and the sun was out, so he picked up the apartment key and walked out to find her.

* * *

As he approached the pool, he saw that she was the only one there. He smiled as he looked at her in her little white bikini that showed off her full cleavage and her impossibly long legs. She had taken the straps down so she wouldn't get tan lines and her skin was glistening from the suntan lotion she liberally applied to her skin. She had her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her sunglasses on. The little radio beside her was playing classic country music from WSM and her can of Diet Coke was on the cement deck beside her. He could feel himself start to get hard as he looked at her and he concentrated on not feeling that way. He had gotten her to have sex in the pool in the middle of the night, but he knew she would not go for it in the day time.

 _They had just gotten home from playing a gig in Murfreesboro and they were still wound up. As they passed by the pool, Deacon grabbed her hand. "Let's go skinny dipping, baby," he said._

 _She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, I couldn't do that," she said, looking around at the building next to the pool. "What if someone was, you know, watching?"_

 _He shrugged. "We could get in with our clothes on," he said, pulling her in for a hug and nuzzling her neck._

 _She giggled. "Oh, I don't know," she said._

" _Come on, baby," he pleaded. "Just for a minute."_

 _She looked at him and then she smiled. "Okay, just for a minute." They ended up stripping down to their underwear and Rayna paddled a little ways out into the water. He followed and pulled her into an embrace. He started to kiss her and she wound her arms around his neck. He slid his hands down her back and pushed down her panties. "Deacon, no," she said, her voice muffled against his mouth, but he noticed she didn't really try to stop him._

 _He got her panties off and, holding them in his hand, he pushed into her. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He pushed off the bottom of the pool and moved them to the edge, where Rayna leaned back against the side of the pool. He laid her panties on the edge of the pool and then cupped her ass, moving into and out of her._

He shook his head. He _really_ needed to stop. He breathed in and out slowly and then walked over and sat on the lounge chair next to her. "Hey, baby," he said.

She propped herself up on her elbows and lifted her sunglasses. "Hey, babe," she said, with a smile.

He held up her notebook. "I was looking at this," he said. "I like this thing you got about independence."

She bit her lip. "Oh, Deacon, you know that's all so rough." She didn't mind him reading her lyrics, but she was always so sure they were bad.

He raised his eyebrows. "Actually, I think you got a really good idea here," he said. "You could make it more lyrical and I think it could be a really good song." He breathed in. "I could help you." She had resisted working together in the past, feeling like she didn't measure up to him. He thought she just needed to have some encouragement, which he was happy to give her. But he didn't want to force it.

She squinted at him. "Really? You think it might be good?"

He smiled at her. She looked so adorable right then. "I do." He leaned forward. "I think we should try writing together, baby," he said. "We sing together, so we could write songs to sing together."

She seemed to consider that. "I guess we could," she said. "But I'm not as good as you."

He shook his head. "All you gotta do is work at it. That's what I did. I wasn't good in the beginning either. But we can work together. I'll help you get better. If you want, that is."

She smiled at him. "I think maybe it could be fun," she said.

He stood up then and smiled down at her. "Let's go do it," he said. He waved the notebook. "Let's start now."

She hesitated a second, then pushed her arms through the bikini top straps. She got up and pulled the towel she'd been laying on around her waist. He leaned over and picked up her Diet Coke and she grabbed her radio, turning it off. She stretched up on her tip toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Let's do it," she said and then pranced off in front of him.

* * *

They were distracted right away, as Rayna did a provocative strip tease for him when they got back to the apartment. Then she took off his belt and unzipped his jeans, laughing as she did. He was already hard, but when her fingers touched him he thought he was going to explode. "Damn, baby," he murmured into her neck. He pulled her over to one of the kitchen chairs and sat down hard. She straddled him and he grabbed her hips, pulling her down onto him. She moaned deep in her throat as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He slid his hands down to her ass, pulling her in tight as he lightly licked the soft skin of her breast and then took her nipple into his mouth.

"Oh, Deacon," she moaned softly, rocking back and forth on his lap. Then suddenly she threw her head back, shouting out his name, and he felt himself let go as well. She fell against his chest, breathing hard, and he pulled her close. When her breathing finally slowed down, she looked down at him and smiled, then kissed him. "I don't even want to move," she said, her voice soft.

He smiled. "I thought we were gonna write," he said, although he wouldn't mind her staying right where she was.

She scrunched up her nose. "I guess we were." She got up and then stepped back, leaning over to pick up her bikini and the towel. "Let me take a quick shower and I'll be ready." Then she ran off to the bathroom.

Four hours, a pizza, and a quick make-out session later, they had transformed her words about finding her own way into a song they called 'Already Gone'. They celebrated with a half a bottle of cheap whiskey and a steamy lovemaking session, which became the way they almost always wrote songs together.

 _ **~nashville~**_

He was sitting on the couch with his guitar, working on a song, when Rayna came back from the laundry room. He set his guitar aside and jumped up, taking the laundry basket from her. He gave her a quick kiss. "Hey, baby," he said with a smile.

She smiled back and rubbed her hand on his chest. "Hey, yourself. We need to leave in about an hour, right?"

They were playing a short set at Robert's Western World, the afternoon slot. Not the best in terms of traffic or tips, but every time they played somewhere they were working towards something better. They kept reminding themselves of that. "Yeah, we do," he said. He carried the basket into the bedroom and set it on the still unmade bed. "I'll be glad when the holidays are over and things pick up. But I got some extra shifts at the diner."

She nodded. "I have some extra shifts at the Pantry. Plus I have that interview coming up at the Bluebird." She smiled. "Wouldn't it be cool if I got hired to wait tables there?"

He put his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. "They'd be fools not to hire someone cute as you, baby," he said.

She giggled and then pulled him down to sit on the bed with her. "I need a little inspiration, babe," she said, as she started to unbutton his flannel shirt. When she had finished, she pushed it off his shoulders and arms. He slid his hands under her sweatshirt and she held her arms up as he slipped it off over her head. He tweaked her nipples through her bra, feeling them get hard. "Oh," she moaned and then he reached behind her, unhooking her bra and sliding it off.

He groaned himself as he looked at her, naked from the waist up. Rayna had full, womanly breasts and he cupped them in his hands, rubbing her nipples with his thumbs. He drew his breath in through his teeth. "God, baby, you're so beautiful," he murmured.

She bit her lip. Then she leaned forward and unbuttoned his jeans. He knew they didn't have much time, so he quickly took his jeans off as she took off hers. Then he pushed her back on the bed and moved on top of her. He reached down between them and found out how ready for him she was. "Please, babe," she whispered.

He smiled at her. "I'm gonna inspire you, baby," he whispered. And then he did.

* * *

After they finished their set at Robert's, they decided to walk up the street and eat at a favorite meat-and-three. The food was not fancy, but was good and cheap, and the portions were large, so they could share. The temperatures were falling and, since it was already dark, the downtown Christmas lights were on. It had gotten colder since they'd been in Robert's and Deacon put his arm around Rayna, holding her close as they walked.

"It's a week until Christmas, babe," she said. "Can you believe it?"

He smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "First Christmas as married people," he said, with a laugh.

She tightened her arm around his waist. "First of many." She looked up at him. "What are we going to do to celebrate?"

He considered that. "I don't know. What are you thinking?"

She shrugged. "Maybe we could rent some old Christmas movies. And make popcorn. How does that sound?"

He sighed. "I wish I could get you something," he said. They had talked about it and decided they wouldn't buy gifts for each other. Money was tight and they had decided presents just weren't important. He didn't want her to know, though, that he had saved up money and gotten her something anyway. It wasn't expensive and it wasn't as fancy as she probably was used to, but he always felt like he was the lucky one when he found her and he wanted her to know that. He was planning to surprise her Christmas morning.

She looked up at him again and then put her other arm around him. "One day we will." She smiled. "But I'd much rather just have you."

He hugged her tight. "You got me, baby." They had reached the restaurant then and turned to go in.

* * *

On Christmas Eve, they watched 'A Christmas Story' for him and 'It's A Wonderful Life' for her, munching on burnt popcorn, drinking shots of whiskey, and laughing as they got steadily more tipsy. They made out on the couch as the lights twinkled on their fake Christmas tree and then Deacon carried Rayna to bed and made sweet love to her all night.

In the wee hours of the morning, he wrapped his arms around her sheet covered body, kissing the back of her neck and her shoulder. "This is all I needed for Christmas," he murmured.

She made little contented noises. "Me too," she whispered.

He rolled away from her and reached under the mattress, feeling for the small box. When he found it, he rolled back and held it in front of her. "I know we wasn't gonna get presents, but I got you something," he said.

She turned over to face him. In the moonlight coming through the curtains, he could see the surprise on her face. "Deacon, no," she said. She pushed at his hand. "You shouldn't have done that."

He could see a frown developing on her forehead and he shook his head. "It ain't a big deal, baby, and I saved up for a long time, so don't worry." He held it in front of her face. "Just open it, Rayna."

She looked at him and then sighed. She took the box and lifted the top off. "Oh, babe," she said softly, as she looked at the necklace.

He knew she couldn't see the color of the stone in the dark, so he said, "It's a blue stone. Like the color of your eyes." He had told her the truth – it wasn't expensive and the stone was just colored glass – but he wanted to give her something beautiful. Something as beautiful as she was.

She leaned in and kissed him gently. "You should not have done that," she said. "And now I don't have anything for you."

He put his hand on her cheek. "You really are all I need, baby," he said. "I hit the jackpot with you and I don't need nothing else."

She gave him a tiny smile. "Will you put it on me?" she asked. He nodded and she sat up, turning her back to him. He took the necklace out and, feeling his way in the dark, managed to unhook it and then reached around her to lay it on her chest. He struggled just a little with the clasp, but then got it done. She turned around and he could see the shininess of the stone in the moonlight, as the necklace lay just above her breasts. She ran a hand over it. "Thank you," she said softly.

He leaned in and kissed her, putting his hand on the small of her back to pull her towards him. She raised her arms up and wrapped them around his neck, pressing her sweet, soft body into him. When she finally pulled her lips from his, she leaned her forehead to his, her fingers threading the hair on the nape of his neck. "Merry Christmas, Deacon," she whispered. "I love you."

He trailed his hand up and down her back. "Merry Christmas, Rayna. I love you too."

Then she smiled and pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him.


	3. 1991

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews – I'm glad you're enjoying this!_

 **Rayna**

Rayna stood in the bedroom, her suitcases open on the bed, in various stages of fullness. She and Deacon were hitting the road for the first time, doing a series of state and county fairs and festivals, local honky tonks and music spots in between. Watty had hooked them up with a small camper that they could pull behind Deacon's truck. It was cheaper than staying in fleabag motels, which they'd done a time or two, but there still wasn't a lot of space for her clothes and shoes. She was trying to think through the outfits she wanted to wear, matching blouses with skirts and jeans and then choosing shoes or boots to go with each outfit.

Deacon stuck his head in the bedroom. "How much longer, baby?" he asked, taking a long swallow on a beer. It was at least the fourth time he'd asked her.

She made a face. Guys had it so much easier than girls, when it came to packing. Deacon had thrown a bunch of jeans into a duffle, along with a selection of t-shirts, flannel shirts, and Henley shirts. He had one extra set of boots and he was set. "I know I can't take everything, but I just don't know what I'm going to need," she whined.

He shook his head and smiled. "Baby, we can stop at a laundromat if you need to. And, it ain't like we're gonna be gone for months. Three weeks and we'll be back in Nashville for a week."

She sighed. "I know, but I want to have choices, babe," she said.

He laughed. "What, so you can stand in front of that little mirror in that little bathroom and try on a bunch a stuff?"

She picked up a brush and threw it at him, but he ducked and it went clattering across the floor. "You aren't helping!" she cried.

He picked up the brush and brought it to her, kissing her on the cheek. "Just bring it all, baby. My stuff don't take up much room." He tilted the beer bottle and downed the rest of the beer. He raised an eyebrow. "Wanna beer? It might help make the packing go faster."

She smiled. "I sorta doubt that, but sure."

He walked out to the kitchen. She could hear him open the fridge as she turned back to packing. She worked on folding the blouses and t-shirts she'd pulled out and layering them in one of the open suitcases. He came back up behind her and reached around her with the bottle of beer, which she took. Then he put his hand on her breast and kneaded it, pinching and stroking. She breathed out a little and felt the warm fullness between her legs. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I got the sexiest wife there is."

She bumped him with her ass, smiling to herself. "And I've got the sexiest husband," she said. "But…your sexy wife needs to pack." She looked back over her shoulder with a saucy smile. "Without interference."

"Aw, you're no fun," he said, with a smirk, moving his hand. He then smacked her lightly on the butt. "Well, hurry up. We need to hit the road."

"Okay," she said, then turned and looked at him, frowning slightly. "No more beer, though. You have to drive."

He tipped up the bottle and swallowed about half the beer. "Alright, alright," he said, sounding just the slightest bit annoyed. "But hurry up, baby."

* * *

Two days later they were in Oklahoma for a Wild West Festival. Rayna was trying to put her makeup on in the tiny camper before they went over to the fairgrounds. Deacon was sitting at the little two top adjacent to what passed for a kitchen, drinking a beer, as he waited. She looked over at him, her mascara wand in hand. "Babe, I think that's enough beer, don't you?"

He frowned. "I ain't had but a couple, Rayna," he said.

 _More like four, but who's counting?_ Except that she was. She almost always did these days. She turned back to the mirror and rolled her eyes. "Still. I want you to be sharp for our set."

He slammed the bottle down on the Formica table. "Ain't nothing good enough for you," he snarled and walked out of the camper, slamming the door behind him.

She felt tears prick her eyes and she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. She'd finished her eye makeup and didn't want to have to do that all over again. She breathed in deeply. As much pain as she'd felt for Deacon, back when he had told her about his childhood and his father, she found herself wondering these days if he wasn't using it as an excuse to drink. She remembered him telling her that his father had always predicted Deacon would be a drunk. _Just like him._ She sighed. She didn't want things to get out of hand. She'd just have to figure out how to keep him out of harm's way.

She really didn't want to fight with him and she didn't want to spend their time arguing. She was excited for this experience and doing it together with him. They'd been writing together more and she had found she really enjoyed it. She hurried to get dressed and then let herself out of the camper, locking it behind her. She looked around and didn't see Deacon, which worried her. She decided to make a circle around the area where they were parked, seeing if he had stopped off to talk to anyone.

She had been walking for about ten minutes, getting more and more anxious, when she heard her name. "Rayna!" She turned and saw him standing there. She smiled with relief and ran towards him. He lifted her up as she threw her arms around his neck. He breathed in deeply. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured.

He set her down on the ground and she reached up, putting her hands on his cheeks. "I don't want us to fight, Deacon," she said. She searched his face and saw sadness in his eyes. She ran the fingers of her left hand through the hair that crossed his forehead.

He crushed her to him and pressed his lips on hers, exploring her mouth and making her tingly all over. When he let her go, she was breathless, as was he. "Me either, baby," he said. He laughed a little. "I don't wanna mess up your makeup."

She shook her head. "Nobody's gonna notice."

He ran his hand down the back of her head. "We got a little bit 'fore we gotta head on over. Let's go over our set." She nodded and he took her hand, leading her back to the truck, which was parked next to the camper. They were parked under a tree, so the shade made it a little cooler and they sat on the tailgate and Deacon pulled out the list of songs.

She put her hand on his back and leaned into him. "I love you, Deacon," she said, smiling up at him.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her. "I love you too, Ray," he said with a grin. He held out the list. "Anything you wanna change?"

 _ **~nashville~**_

Deacon and Rayna walked down the midway after their set. They were hitting the Midwest for the month of August. The sun was setting and the crowds were increasing. They passed one of the booths where winners received stuffed animals for successfully hitting a target. Rayna grabbed Deacon's arm. "Oh, babe, I want one of those," she cried, bouncing on her toes. "Will you play for me?"

He looked at her. "I don't know, Ray. I ain't all that good at throwing. I don't want to disappoint you." He bit his lip.

She kissed him on the cheek. "I know you can do it. Please?" She leaned in and kissed him again.

He gave her a look. "I'll try," he said, and they walked up to the booth. He handed over five dollars and got three balls. She stood behind him, trying not to make him nervous.

"You can do this, babe," she said encouragingly and he turned to look at her, winking and smiling. She watched as all three balls sailed past the target. She sighed with disappointment and then noticed he was pulling out another five dollars from his pocket. She walked up to him. "You don't have to, Deacon," she said.

He kissed her. "I'm gonna win you a prize, Ray," he said. She watched as the first two balls failed to hit the target, but then on his third try he hit it and she cheered wildly. He grinned at her and beckoned for her to join him. "Come on, baby, and pick out your prize," he said.

She danced up next to him and looked over the selection and finally pointed at a gray elephant with a pink bow around its neck. "That one," she said, with a smile.

The carnie hooked it and brought it down, handing it to her. "Here you are, little lady," he said.

She took the stuffed animal and then hugged Deacon around the neck. "Thank you, babe!" she cried.

He kissed her and then looked into her eyes. "Anything for you, Rayna," he said, and kissed her again. He guided them away from the booth and pointed ahead at the roller coaster. "How 'bout that, Ray? Wanna do the roller coaster?"

"Yes," she said happily, and they headed that way. Just before they got to the midway rides, she saw one of those old photo booths. "Oh, Deacon, let's take our pictures. You know, we don't really have many pictures of us together."

He gave her a look. "Those ain't like portrait pictures, Ray," he said.

"I know, but it'll be fun. Come on!"

He let her pull him over to the photo booth. When they were situated on the bench, she pressed the red button and they took the four pictures. She pulled the strip from the repository and showed them to him. "Look, babe," she said. "These are great!" She tore the strip in half and gave him two pictures – one of them kissing and one of them just smiling at the camera. "You can keep these in your wallet," she said.

"I'll put 'em in right now," he said, and he pulled out his wallet and stuck them in the sleeve with the clear plastic covering. He smiled at her. "Now if anybody wants to see my beautiful wife, I got a great picture to show 'em."

These were the times she treasured, days when they were happy and having fun, not dealing with Deacon drinking too much or them not getting enough paying gigs. She was learning that being married wasn't always easy, but she never once regretted doing it, even when times were tough.

 _ **~nashville~**_

It had been a long, but exhilarating three weeks and now they were headed back to Nashville for ten days. The drive from Baton Rouge to Nashville would be a long one. Deacon had a map spread out on the little table in the camper. He ran his finger along the route he was planning. "We go 10 and pick up 55. That'll take us to Memphis, where we can pick up 40. And then head on in to Nashville," he said. He looked at Rayna.

She screwed up her face as she looked at the map. She then looked at him carefully. "Babe? What if we went up to Natchez? We could meet Scarlett." She bit her lip. She knew she was treading on dangerous ground. Deacon's sister had let him know he was now an uncle a year ago, but he hadn't wanted to go to Natchez to see the new baby. Actually, it wasn't that he didn't want to see Scarlett, but he hadn't wanted to see any of the rest of his family.

He stiffened. "I don't think that's a good idea, Ray," he said, his voice sounding brittle.

She put her hand on his arm. "Don't you want to see your niece?" she asked. She knew she was pressing a little, but she didn't want him to lose complete touch with his family. Beverly had also let him know their father had died, so it wasn't a matter of him potentially running into the man who haunted his dreams. She knew the place held such horrific memories for him, but she hoped he wouldn't feel trapped by that forever.

He looked pained. "I do, but I don't know if I can go there," he said.

"We don't have to stay long. Maybe just stop by for a visit and then head on."

She watched as he worked his lip and seemed to run it over in his mind. He finally sighed. "We could drive by. If they ain't there, then we just head on. You okay with that?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes."

He reached across the table for her hand. "Beverly probably won't be nice to you," he said.

She sighed. She knew Beverly blamed her for Deacon being in Nashville, which she didn't understand. Deacon had told her he and Beverly had been a duo back in Natchez and their plan had been to come to Nashville. He was ready to go and she had backed out at the last minute, claiming she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. "Maybe she's gotten over it," she said.

"I don't know. Beverly don't give up a grudge real easy," he said.

She shrugged. "It's okay. I'm not gonna let her bother me." She looked at him. "You either. If she's not nice, just let it go. Okay?"

He raised up and leaned across the table and kissed her. Then he smiled. "I love you, baby," he said. She smiled back at him.

* * *

As they approached the outskirts of Natchez, Rayna could tell that Deacon was getting tense. She could see his jaw twitch and the hand that was on the steering wheel clenched it tightly. She wondered if she'd made a mistake, asking him to come here. It was possible that just being in Natchez would cause him to want to drink. He'd cut back a lot on his drinking while they were on the road and she hoped this wouldn't cause him to backslide.

Finally they pulled into the driveway of Doug and Beverly O'Connor's home. It was a small frame shotgun house that didn't look well taken care of from the outside. One of the windows was missing a shutter. The screen on the storm door was torn. The yard was mostly dirt, with weeds and a small amount of grass here and there. Concrete blocks and an old tire were off to the side of the front door.

When she walked around the front of the truck, Deacon was just standing there, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at the house. She slid her hand under his arm. "Come on, babe," she said, encouragingly. He uncrossed his arms and took her hand, leading her to the front door of the sad little house.

It took a minute after he knocked for the door to open. A blonde woman looked at the two of them through the screen door. Rayna could see the resemblance to Deacon. Beverly was pretty in a sharp-edged kind of way. Her hair was pulled into a side ponytail and she had on jeans and a t-shirt that Rayna suspected was from a local bar. She narrowed her eyes at Deacon and Rayna. "Well, well, well, look who finally decided to show up," she said, a tight smile on her lips that did not reach her eyes.

Deacon breathed in. "We was driving back to Nashville from Baton Rouge and decided to stop by and see Scarlett," he said. He nodded towards Rayna. "It was Rayna's idea."

Beverly nodded, a smirk on her face. "Rayna's idea," she said. "So y'all are still together then."

Rayna wasn't feeling any warm vibe from Beverly, but she was Deacon's sister and she wanted to try to forge a relationship. "Hey, Beverly," she said, with a smile. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Deacon's told me so much about you."

"Is that right," Beverly said, her voice flat. She still hadn't opened the screen door.

Rayna could tell Deacon was annoyed and his hand tightened on hers. "Bev, we come to see Scarlett. You gonna let us in?" he said.

Beverly put on a smile that still didn't reach her eyes. "Oh, where are my manners," she said, sarcastically, and then she finally opened the door. "Do come in." She stepped back and Deacon put his hand on Rayna's back, letting her walk in first. Rayna could feel his tension and she looked at him, trying to let him know wordlessly to keep his cool.

Rayna glanced around the house. Although the furniture was shabby, it looked clean and relatively neat, although there were clear signs a baby was living here. She smiled at Beverly, trying to rise above the nastiness Deacon's sister was putting out. "So where's Scarlett?" she asked.

Beverly glared at her and Rayna felt her smile fade a little. "She's taking a nap," she snapped.

Deacon looked around, then back at his sister. "Where's Doug?" he asked.

Beverly shrugged. "Off drinking somewhere with his buddies," she said. She looked at Rayna. "I'm sure you know what that's like." She smiled unkindly and Rayna felt a chill run up her spine. She was beginning to wonder about the wisdom of having stopped by. Then Beverly's eyes widened and she grabbed Deacon's left hand. She looked up at him. "You're married?" she asked.

Deacon pulled his hand away and scowled. "Yeah, Beverly, we are," he said.

Beverly looked like she was going to say something else, but then a cry came from the back of the house. She looked at the two of them. "Well, looks like you'll get to see her after all," she said.

When Beverly walked back with the baby, Rayna's eyes lit up. She hurried over to Beverly and held her hands out. "Oh, my gosh, Beverly, she's adorable," she cried. "May I hold her?"

Beverly's eyes narrowed, but then she thrust Scarlett at Rayna. "Sure, go ahead."

Rayna took the little girl and smiled. "Hey there, Miss Scarlett," she cooed. She was enchanted by the tiny little blonde, with her big blue eyes, and her kewpie doll face. Scarlett looked back at her and then put two fingers in her mouth and smiled hesitantly. Rayna ran her fingers through Scarlett's soft curls. "You're just the most beautiful little girl I think I've ever seen," she said. She looked at Beverly. "Beverly, she's just precious."

Beverly shrugged. "Well, she's not always like this."

Rayna looked back at the little girl in her arms and felt immense sadness for her. She didn't really know Beverly at all, but based on what she'd seen, and what Deacon had told her, she thought Scarlett probably wouldn't have a really happy life. And yet she really was the sweetest, most precious little thing Rayna thought she'd ever seen. She looked at Deacon. "You want to hold her?" she asked, with a smile.

Deacon looked hesitant. "I don't know. I ain't really a baby person."

Rayna made a face. "How would you know? You haven't been around babies." She walked over to him. "Take her, Uncle Deacon." She smiled encouragingly. She could see in his face he knew she was going to win this battle and she shifted Scarlett from her arms to his. She ran her fingers over Scarlett's hair. "Scarlett, this is your Uncle Deacon." She watched Scarlett reach out and run her fingers over Deacon's face and she could see Deacon melt.

Beverly walked over then and snatched the little girl out of Deacon's arms. She glared at Deacon and Scarlett started to fuss. "I need to get her cleaned up. We're going over to visit Mama," she said. "She's back at the center, in case you're interested." Deacon said nothing and Rayna just watched the tension between the siblings. Beverly frowned. "Well, I need to get on then." She turned and walked towards the back of the house.

Rayna took Deacon's hand. "Babe," she said softly. Deacon turned and looked at her, then headed for the door, pulling her with him.

When they had walked out of the house, he said, "Get in the truck, Rayna."

"But, babe, don't you want to…."

He turned and glared at her. "Get in the damn truck," he said, his jaw clenched. She frowned back at him, but got into the truck. He started it up and then burned rubber backing out onto the road.

She sat back against the seat with her eyes closed. After a few silent minutes had passed, she opened her eyes and turned to look at him. "Deacon, are you sure you don't want to check on your mother?" she asked.

He glanced at her, looking furious, then back out the windshield at the road. "No, Rayna, I don't," he said angrily, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. She just watched him, waiting him out. He sighed. "I told you, she didn't help us. _Couldn't_ help us. I just can't be around that now." He glanced at her and she saw devastation in his eyes. "Can you let it be?"

She breathed in and then she nodded. "Yeah," she said, reaching out to rub his arm. "Yeah, I can."

 **Deacon**

They drove out to Clarksville, where they'd been booked at the Wagon Wheel. They would be back out on the fair circuit in two weeks and were trying to stay busy during their break. "I'm excited we got into someplace new," Rayna said. "I heard this place really fills up."

He smiled at her. "Probably 'cause it's all the way out in damn Clarksville. Ain't nothing else to do there," he said.

She shrugged, with a laugh. "Hopefully it's a busy night tonight and we get a good take," she said. "That's really all I care about."

He reached over and grabbed her hand. "Me too, baby," he said. "You're gonna be awesome though."

She smiled. " _We_ are," she said.

He smiled and focused back on the road. She was always like that, acting like they were a true duo, instead of him being a sideman for her. He didn't mind doing it, especially for her. He doubted he would ever be as successful as she would be. She was already getting some attention and their bookings were picking up. He thought it wouldn't be long before they could put out a good demo and get her some notice with record labels.

As they got set up, he looked around the bar and frowned a little. This was the kind of place he was always a little wary of. It was one of those places where there was often more drinking going on than listening to music. The clientele was heavily male and young and they could create trouble. He glanced over at Rayna as she looked over the set list. He wished she wasn't wearing that sleeveless blouse she liked so much. She looked sexy as hell in it, which was the problem. She still had that girl-next-door look, but her body was definitely all woman. Her short skirt showed off her long, lean legs and the blouse accentuated her voluptuous breasts.

He noticed the necklace that lay on her chest, the one he'd given her that first Christmas. She always wore it, which made him happy, but right now it was laying right above her cleavage and it made him feel prickly, like it was just going to call attention to her. He leaned his guitar against the amp and walked over to the bar to get a drink, keeping an eye on Rayna while he did. One nice perk about playing in bars was free drinks for the talent. Rayna couldn't drink, so he knew if he had one too many, she could always get them home, so he took advantage.

* * *

He could feel his blood pressure rising as the night progressed. Rayna had cut him a warning look more than once as he continued to drink, but he could see the guys leering at her and it made his blood boil. At song breaks, there was the occasional 'show us your tits!', and he would see Rayna blush. It seemed to him that the guys in the bar were pressing closer to the stage and he didn't like the vibe he was getting. Rayna, at least, didn't let it affect her performance. She was fantastic.

When their set was finally over, she turned to him and said, "I'm gonna go get some water, babe. My throat is so dry."

He didn't really want her to go by herself, so he said, "Just wait, baby, and I'll go." He was unplugging his guitar.

She waved him off. "It's okay," she said, and she was gone. He watched as she headed down the steps from the stage and walked towards the bar. He saw the guy who walked up to her and said something, his eyes, at least from where Deacon stood, appearing to be looking straight down her blouse. Rayna held up her left hand and tried to turn away, but the guy grabbed her arm.

He dropped his guitar in the case and stormed down the steps and over to where Rayna was. He grabbed the guy by his shirt and hissed, "Leave her alone!" and then let his fist land on the guy's cheek.

* * *

The sun was starting to rise in the east as they headed back towards Nashville. Deacon breathed in and then winced. Luckily he hadn't broken any ribs, but he was damn sore, for sure. The knuckles on his right hand were bruised and he could feel the cut on his lip. His head hurt too, but that was from the booze he'd drank. He glanced over at Rayna, in the driver's seat. She was stiff and he could see the tension in her face. She gripped the steering wheel and her eyes were focused ahead.

He sighed. "Baby, I'm sorry…"

She didn't even turn to look at him. "Shut up, Deacon," she said. "Just shut up."

He frowned. "That guy was bothering you, Rayna," he said, feeling angry all over again. "There ain't no telling what he mighta done."

"Deacon, we didn't get paid tonight because of what happened. And I had to bail you out of jail. We won't ever be able to go there again." She glanced at him then and her face was filled with anger. "You just can't do that. I don't care what somebody says." She huffed. "Oh, and I don't _belong_ to you. We may be married, but that doesn't make me your property."

"You're my _wife_ , Rayna! That means I'm supposed to _protect_ you!" he shouted.

"That wasn't protecting, Deacon. That was beating someone up!" she shouted back. "Because you were drunk."

"I wasn't drunk!"

"Well, you'd been drinking. And all that does is set you off." She breathed in and then out. "We can't do this again, Deacon. You are gonna have to keep it under control. Or maybe the next time I'll let you spend the night in jail."

He glared at her, but didn't say another word, just turned and looked out the window as they drove on towards home.

 _ **~nashville~**_

Deacon woke up and the bed was empty. He squinted at the clock and saw that it was just past eight. He frowned. He and Rayna had gotten in late from their gig at the Exit/In and he was surprised she would be up this early. She had been tired when they'd gotten home and had a headache. She had just wanted to go to sleep, hoping she'd feel better when she woke up. He rolled out of bed and slipped on a pair of jeans and walked out of the bedroom.

"Hey, baby," he said. She was sitting at the little kitchen table with a mug in front of her, looking wiped out. She just gave him a wan smile. He walked over to the coffee pot but there was none made. He looked back at her. "You didn't make coffee?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I've got tea," she said. "For some reason, coffee makes me dizzy when I'm tired. I'm sorry I didn't make any for you."

He walked over to the table and slid into the chair across from her, a worried look on his face. "It's okay. You feeling any better this morning?" he asked, reaching for her hand.

She shrugged. "The headache's gone, but I'm just still tired. I just couldn't sleep."

"You wanna go back to bed?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Maybe I'll take a nap later or something."

He reached across the table and took her hand. "What if I make you some breakfast?" He squeezed her hand. "Bacon and eggs?"

She smiled. "You know what? That sounds fantastic."

He got up and walked into the kitchen, opening up the fridge. "Bacon and eggs for my beautiful, sexy wife, coming right up," he said, pulling out a carton of eggs and the package of bacon. He busied himself with making breakfast, along with starting a pot of coffee for himself. When he had finished with the eggs and bacon, he divided them onto plates and took the plates to the table. He came back with forks and a mug of coffee for himself.

She picked up the fork and smiled. "This looks great," she said, taking a bite. After she swallowed, she smiled again. "And tastes great too. You make great breakfasts, babe."

"Anything for you, baby."

She wrinkled her nose and then pointed her fork at him. "You know what I would like to do today?"

He swallowed the food in his mouth. "What's that?"

"I'd like to take you out to my mom's land. It's really not that far out, but it's along the river. She used to take Tandy and me out there and I'd really like to take you." She smiled. "We could take a picnic lunch. What do you think?"

He nodded. "I think it sounds like a great idea."

* * *

It did turn out to be a great idea. Rayna was right, it wasn't far, along the Cumberland near the Bell's Bend area. He was a little surprised that there were no buildings on the land. "So what was it for, Ray?" he asked, as they walked over to a little shaded area down by the water, their fried chicken dinner and a six pack of beer in hand.

She shrugged. "I don't know, really. I always wondered why they left it like this, but it was just always such a pretty, peaceful area that I didn't really care." He spread out the blanket they'd brought on the grassy area and taking her hand, helped her sit down. He plopped down on the blanket next to her and reached for a beer. He popped off the top and handed it to her, then took one for himself. She took a sip of her beer. "Mom used to bring Tandy and me out here and we'd sing and talk." She smiled. "Mom left the land to Tandy and me, so I guess we could do something with it someday. If we want."

He looked around, then smiled at her. "Well, I can see why you like it here."

She looked a little sad. "I haven't been here in a while. It really makes me miss her." Then she reached for the bag with their food. "Let's eat, okay?"

* * *

After they ate, he sat back against one of the trees and she sat between his legs, leaning against his chest. He wrapped one arm around her and finished off the last beer, then put his other arm around her, holding her close. "You okay, baby?" he whispered in her ear.

She nodded, reaching up to grasp his arms with her hands. "I am." She sighed. "I was just thinking about the future. You know I love what we're doing, but I just keep wondering if we're ever going to, well, if somebody's gonna hear us and want to sign us or something."

He breathed in. "I know. But it just takes time, baby. We keep doing this and it'll happen. And you got Watty in your corner. He's a pretty big deal."

She turned her head to look at him, a smile on her face. " _We_ have Watty, Deacon. We're a team, remember?"

He smiled back. "Yeah, but you're the star. You've always been."

She moved away from him, folding her legs underneath her and facing him. "What's your dream, Deacon?" she asked.

He looked at her, her hair gently moving with the breeze, her eyes sparkling, and her face gently touched by the sun. He caught his breath, thinking she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and how lucky he was to be part of her life. "You are, baby," he said, reaching forward to brush her hair away from her face.

She made a face and shook her head. "I mean, what are your hopes and dreams for _us_?" she asked.

He breathed in. "That it would always be like this. That we always make music together. That I can always make you happy and make you proud."

She smiled sweetly. "You do make me happy, Deacon." She bit her lip. "I know some people think we were too young to get married, but I'm glad we did." She reached for his left hand and let her thumb push at his wedding band. "I like knowing we're committed to each other, no matter what." She smiled again. "You know, in good times and bad times, you're mine. Always mine."

His breath hitched as he listened to her. "I promise, Ray, there'll be less bad times," he said solemnly.

She frowned just a little. "We don't really have bad times," she said.

He nodded. "I know I drink too much sometimes. And it bothers you." She looked down. "I'm gonna do better, baby. I promise. I don't never wanna cause you pain."

She looked back at him. "I know." She smiled softly. "And thank you."

He breathed in, feeling better. "What's your dream, baby?"

"Living in that lake house, watching our children on the lawn, singing our songs at night while we watch the fireflies and the moon. There would just always be love and music. That's what I dream." She crawled over and sat next to him.

He hugged her close. "Me too, baby. Me too."

 _ **~nashville~**_

Watty was coming to see them perform at a small place in East Nashville. They had a larger repertoire of original material, some of which they had written together, but much of it written by Deacon. Watty was anxious to move them along, now that they'd had some experience out on the road. Deacon rolled off Rayna and lay on his back, catching his breath. She turned onto her side, facing him. He looked up at her and she was frowning. "What if he still thinks we're not good enough," she said.

"Baby, he thinks you're great," he said.

She bit her lip. "I don't know. I mean, your songs are fantastic and you know you're the best guitar player in Nashville."

He laughed at that last part. "Baby, I can't possibly be the best guitar player in Nashville. I ain't been doing it long enough," he said.

She frowned. "But you are, Deacon. I listen to other people and I know." She ran her fingers over his chest. "Maybe we should just do your songs tonight."

Now it was his turn to frown. "Why? We wrote some good stuff together," he said.

"Well, because we both know you're the better songwriter."

He turned on his side to face her, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. "Baby, stop. Those songs we wrote together are amazing. You know that. 'Already Gone' and 'American Beauty', they already get the biggest applause. Stop worrying." He put his arm around her then and kissed her gently. "It's gonna be good. You're gonna do good. Okay?"

She sighed. "I guess." She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair and then let her index finger trail down his cheek. She sighed again. "Okay, I'm gonna take a shower then." She rolled over and slid out of bed. He let his eyes wander down her naked body and took a deep breath thinking about how sexy she looked. She looked back at him and smiled. "Don't come in there or we'll be late."

"Go on," he said, smirking at her. He watched her walk into the bathroom and listened as she turned on the water. He counted to ten after he heard the shower start and then he jumped out of bed and ran for the shower.

She squealed when he grabbed her around the waist, water pouring down her head and body. "No, no, no!" she cried, but she was laughing.

He fitted himself behind her and leaned in, whispering in her ear, "I'll be fast, baby, I promise."

* * *

Watty was waiting for them after their set. He was smiling. "That was amazing, you two," he said. "I don't know that I've ever heard you sound that good. And those songs you wrote together are just gold. I hope you're planning to do more of that."

Deacon looked at Rayna, then back at Watty. "Yes, sir, we are. Rayna's got a lot of really great ideas that we just need to work on." He ran his hand over her back and down to her ass and he felt her tiny shiver.

"I think we're ready to do a demo," Watty said then. "Can you come to my studio day after tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Deacon and Rayna said together.

"Great. Bring three songs and I'll put it together. Then we'll have something to shop to the labels. I also want to set up a spotlight for you two at the Bluebird and fill the room with A&R guys. I'll let you know when I've got that arranged." He reached out and put one hand on Deacon's arm and one on Rayna's. "I think you're ready."

* * *

They had finally finished the demo. He had loved watching her. She had been so full of joy and excitement and he could tell she was going to be something special. He pulled her off to the side and kissed her, long and hard. When he let her go, she laughed out loud and he couldn't help laughing along with her. She put her hands on either side of his face and she was grinning from ear to ear. "I can't believe it, babe," she cried. "That was so, I don't, unbelievable, wasn't it? This is what we've been waiting for!"

He grinned back at her. "It's all you, Ray. Every bit of that was you."

She shook her head. "No, it was both of us. I can't do this without you, Deacon. I mean, you keep my feet firmly on the ground or I'd be, I don't know, just lifting off." She laughed again and then she slid her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she arched her back and pressed into him. She pulled back and looked at him. "I feel like I should apologize to Watty, for getting so silly in there. But it was just so, I don't know, like I couldn't believe it was really happening to _me_. To _us_."

He shook his head. "You don't gotta apologize for nothing, Ray. You just gotta enjoy it, 'cause it don't come along every day." He kissed her again and she opened her mouth to his, and he kept kissing her hungrily.

He could hear everyone on the other side of the glass calling out to them to open the door, but he didn't want to let her go. She was shaking just a little and he knew it was from excitement and anticipation and just the thrill of doing what she loved. She was born to do this, just like he was, and he let himself melt into her as he thought about how this woman and their music were just one and the same. _She's everything to me. She'll always be everything to me._

When he finally let her go, they were both breathless. "I think we should go celebrate," he said, giving her another peck on the lips. He nodded towards the people on the other side of the glass studio window. "First with them, then by ourselves."

She looked over at the group hovering around the window and laughed, her arms still draped around his neck. Then she looked back at him, deep into his eyes. "Just for a little bit with them, babe. Because you're really the only one I wanna do any of this with, you know?"

He nodded. "I do. 'Cause I feel the same." He gave her a quick kiss. "Let's go make this thing happen!"


	4. 1992

_A/N: In case you missed it, due to the hiccup with the fanfiction site, there is a chapter 3 for 1991._

 **Deacon**

Deacon poked his head in the bathroom. "You ready, baby?" he asked.

Rayna glanced at him and nodded. "Almost. Can you pull out a pair of boots for me, babe?"

"Yeah, I can do that." He walked past her through the bathroom, giving her a little squeeze on the butt and smirking at her in the mirror.

She squealed. "Babe, stop it!" she said, laughing.

He went into the bedroom and opened the door to the closet. He smiled to himself. Almost everything in the closet belonged to Rayna. Slowly but surely, ever since she'd moved in, she had taken over more and more of the closet and he'd moved more and more of his own things into the dresser. He found a pair of boots he knew she liked and pulled them out, setting them by the bed. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed to wait for her.

"Ray, I think we need to look for a bigger place," he said.

She came into the bedroom then and sat down next to him, reaching for the boots to slide them on. She frowned. "I don't know if we can afford a bigger place," she said.

"Well, maybe not just yet, but if you get a deal…."

"If _we_ get a deal."

"Whatever. Anyway, if _we_ get an advance or something, we should look for a house to rent. Something with more space."

She sat back and looked at him. "I kind of like this place. It feels, I don't know, cozy."

He smiled. "It ain't _cozy_ , it's _cramped_." He waved his hand towards the closet. "I can't get none of my stuff in there anymore. Plus we need a place for my guitars."

She got a dreamy look on her face. "It would be nice to have a little more room." She looked at him. "Like one of those cute little bungalows." She smiled. "I think it would be so nice to come home and have a light on in the window of a cute little bungalow. Homey."

He reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers. "Let's do that then," he said. He stood up, pulling her up with him. "But now we gotta get over cross town to the Bluebird."

* * *

There were several artists being spotlighted that night at the Bluebird. The venue was filled with mostly A&R reps and producers, with a few other industry types mixed in. Watty met them in the back.

"You've played here before," he said. "Don't think about anything except what you're performing. Have you decided what your set list is?"

Deacon nodded. "American Beauty, Already Gone, Livin' Our Life, and Home."

Watty nodded his approval. "Good choices." He looked at Rayna, who was rocking back and forth on her feet and twisting her hands together. "You're gonna be fine, my little songbird," he said to her.

She looked at him and smiled nervously. "I hope so," she said.

Watty took her hands in his. "Just go out there and do what you always do," he said. "Sing from your heart, let them hear the truth in your words."

"Thank you, Watty," she said. "For everything."

As Watty walked off, Deacon noticed the guy who'd been standing by the bar straighten up and walk over to them. He held out his hand to Deacon. "Hey, there, Luke Wheeler," he said, with a big smile on his face. "I know I've seen y'all around on the festival and fair circuit, but hadn't gotten a chance to meet y'all."

Deacon took his hand and looked him over. He'd noticed Luke, with his cowboy hat and his mullet. Luke Wheeler had an eye for the ladies, he'd noticed that too. More than once, from afar, he'd noticed Luke trailing his eyes over Rayna. "Nice to meet you, Luke," he said, with a frown, thinking it really wasn't all that nice.

Rayna turned then and flashed her beautiful smile Luke's way. "Hey there," she said. "I'm Rayna Jaymes." She gestured towards Deacon. "And this man with no manners is Deacon Claybourne." She smiled sweetly at Deacon and he smirked.

Luke took one of Rayna's hands in his and leaned towards her, still smiling. Deacon narrowed his eyes, wanting to shove him away from Rayna. "You, ma'am, probably have the prettiest voice on the circuit," he said. "I'm betting all these label guys will be looking to get you on board."

Deacon watched Rayna politely pull her hand free. One of the things all her privilege and upbringing gave her was the ability to deflect without the other person really being aware she was doing it. "Well, thank you, Luke. All I want is one," she said, with a little laugh. "I'm sure you'll have success tonight too."

It was Luke's turn to go on stage, so he left them then. Deacon leaned into Rayna's ear. "I don't like him much," he said, his voice low.

She turned to look at him. "I think he's nice enough," she said. "Maybe a little over the top, but harmless." She looked at him carefully and smiled. "You're not jealous, are you?"

He frowned. "'Course not."

She winked at him. "Because you know you're my man," she said. He had to smile at her then.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was nervous walking up to the stage at the Bluebird. Even though Deacon was with her and Watty was in the audience, she was nervous. Truthfully, she always got a little nervous before a performance. She thought maybe that wasn't a bad thing, because it got her pumped up to sing. Once she was a few notes into her first song, the butterflies vanished and she just enjoyed the ride.

This night was an important night though. There were people in the audience who could make or break her from a career standpoint. She had felt for a while that she was right at the precipice – that she was either going to run away or she was going all in. And she wanted all in so badly she could taste it. Deacon came up behind her and rubbed his knuckles on her back. She turned her head towards him and he smiled at her. "You're gonna be great, baby," he whispered.

He started the intro to their first song and then, almost before she knew it, it was all over. She had found that place, where everything seemed to just fade away except for her and Deacon, and then the applause brought her back to the present. She smiled at the crowd and waved her hands and then she and Deacon headed for the steps.

When they got to the back, he slid the guitar around to his back and he pulled her in with his other hand and kissed her hard. "You killed it, Ray," he whispered, and she was laughing, because it had really felt like she had.

"Hey, y'all were great!" Rayna looked over Deacon's shoulder and saw Luke Wheeler again.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "You were too." She honestly didn't remember hearing him, but there was no sense in saying that.

Luke slapped Deacon on the shoulder and winked at her. "I'm sure I'll see y'all around sometime," he said. He tipped his hat. "Gotta run!"

She could tell Deacon was watching him and so she looked away. "He needs to quit sniffing around you," he said in a low voice.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Deacon," she said.

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but then Watty walked up to them. He was smiling. "That was fantastic," he said, and both Deacon and Rayna smiled back. "I think we'll get a few calls and I'll set up appointments when I do." He took Rayna's hands in his. "Go home and celebrate a little. And then we'll see what we have."

As Watty walked away, Deacon leaned into her ear. "I told you," he said.

She turned to look at him. "Well, until he calls with a meeting, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed."

He kissed her right behind her ear, right where he knew it would drive her crazy. She shivered and he chuckled, low and deep. "I'll take you home and do things to you that will take your mind off this," he murmured in her ear.

She felt hot inside and a tiny moan left her lips involuntarily. She turned her face towards his. "Let's go home then," she whispered.

 _ **~nashville~**_

She kept telling herself she'd gotten a good deal. In fact, at first she was over the moon with the offer from Edgehill Records, a recent spin-off from Sony Nashville. The fact that it was a small label meant she would get more dedicated attention. Within a week of signing, they were already talking about her debut album.

" _It's a really good deal, Rayna," Watty told her. "A five record deal, twelve percent royalties, tour support, and no 360 deal." She knew the no 360 deal was huge, especially for a baby artist like her, because it meant she'd get all the proceeds from tour merchandise. Not that she'd have any of that right away, but eventually it would be important. "I've also got a manager lined up for you. Bucky Dawes. You may have met him. He's been managing Creed's Cove."_

 _She nodded. "We did meet him. I like him."_

" _I know it's not one of the big labels, but really, Rayna, this will work to your advantage. They really want to build their label around you, so you'll get top notch support. And I know Dan Eagle personally, so I know he'll take good care of you."_

 _She smiled. "What about a band?"_

 _Watty steepled his fingers. "They'll help you with that. You'll record the first album with session musicians, like we did with the demo."_

" _But Deacon's my guitar player. He would be my bandleader, so I'd want him to be involved in making those choices."_

 _Watty nodded. "Dan's on board with that. He thought Deacon was a fantastic guitar player, which we knew, and I told him the two of you have been writing your songs, collectively as well as what Deacon's done. He's very impressed. He'll help you two get hooked up with a publishing deal so we can lock down your music."_

 _She clenched the arms of the chair. "This is so awesome, Watty. I appreciate this so much." She stood up, ready to leave._

 _Watty came around his desk and hugged her. "You deserve all this, Rayna. I think you're gonna be the future of country music. Oh, and before I forget. There will be a ten thousand dollar advance on the first album, which I think is strong and which I also think you'll more than cover." He handed her an envelope. "Here's your contract. Read over it and let me know if you or Deacon have any questions." He took her free hand and squeezed it. "Now, go home and celebrate. Bucky will call you about getting in the studio."_

 _She practically flew out of Watty's office. Deacon was waiting for her in the lobby and he stood up, looking at her expectantly. She waved the envelope at him. "I got a contract, babe!" she squealed. "And a manager. And you're my bandleader!"_

 _He grabbed her and picked her up, twirling her around, a huge grin on his face. "Damn, baby, that's the best news ever!" he cried._

At least it was until they heard that Luke Wheeler had gotten a contract with Capitol Records. Bucky had assured them it wasn't the same – Luke's was an artist development deal with none of the guarantees Rayna's had – but it had felt deflating, in the moment. She thought it through, though, and decided that she would resolve to make the most of what she'd gotten. _I'm going to do this. I'm not letting anything stand in the way of my dreams._

 **Deacon**

When Deacon came home, Rayna was in the bedroom putting away laundry. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She giggled. "Guess what I got for you, baby?" he whispered in her ear.

"What?" she said, laughing.

He held up two tickets. "Tickets to the Opry. Tonight."

She whirled around in his arms and looked at him, surprise on her face. "What? Are you kidding?"

He grinned and shook his head. "I ain't kidding, baby. I know you been wanting to go and now you are."

She squealed with excitement and kissed him. "Oh my God, Deacon! Who's performing? Wait, I don't even care. I can't believe I'm actually going to the Opry!"

He picked her up and twirled her around. "I still can't believe you never been before," he said.

She shook her head. "Daddy would never let us go." She rolled her eyes. "He has this crazy thing about country music. I don't even know why. He calls it _hillbilly_ music, like it's crap music." She sighed.

He kissed her on the forehead. "Well, you're gonna go tonight," he said. "And now that you're a recording artist, I bet you'll be on that stage one day soon, singing yourself."

She smiled. "I'm just the luckiest girl in the world. You're so good to me," she said. Then she pressed her lips to his. He loved how sweet she tasted. He could feel himself getting aroused just by kissing her. Then he felt her hands slide down to his belt. He could hear her tiny moans as she continued to kiss him, while she worked his belt free. She unbuttoned the button on his jeans and slid down the zipper.

"Oh, God, Ray," he groaned against her mouth as she slid her hand down inside his boxers. As he felt her fingers on him, he slid his hands down her back and under her t-shirt. He unfastened her bra and then brought his hands around to rest on her ribs as his thumbs played with her nipples. Now she was moaning, as her fingers continued to tantalize him.

He moved her towards the bed and pushed her gently back. She felt onto the covers, knocking the laundry basket onto the floor. He unzipped her jeans and jerked them off, then slid her panties down her long, slender legs. He leaned down and kissed her between her legs and she moaned deep in her throat, reaching her arms out for him. Then he pushed off his jeans and boxers and covered her. He kissed her along her chin and then her neck, nibbling a little on her earlobe. She lifted her legs to wrap them around his back and he took the opportunity to push into her. "Oh, babe," she groaned, low and loud.

* * *

He could smell her hair. She had a nice floral-scented shampoo she used and it made her smell like a meadow filled with flowers. He smiled as he felt her shallow, even breathing as she lay with her head on his chest, her arm across his waist, and one leg draped over his. She either slept like this or with her back to him, hogging all the covers. He chuckled low and deep in his chest and she raised her head up. She turned to look at him and he smiled at the way her hair floated around her head in a messy way. Her eyes were heavy lidded with sleep. "Sorry, baby," he said softly.

She shook her head. "What time is it?"

He glanced over at the clock. "Still early. We don't gotta leave for another hour or so."

She sat up quickly, her legs underneath her. "I need to start getting ready then," she said, her voice still groggy with sleep. She smiled at him then, reaching over to run her fingers over his chest. "That was pretty…hot, before," she said, blushing just a little.

He smiled at her. He loved how she was game for pretty much anything, in bed, the more daring the better. He could feel himself responding to her as he looked at her, sitting naked on the bed. "You better get going, girl," he growled. "Or I'm gonna have to make us be late."

She giggled and jumped off the bed. "I don't have time for a shower, so I'm just going to have to take a whore's bath," she said, as she headed for the bathroom.

He sat up in bed. "A what?" he asked.

She stuck her head out and smiled. "Just a soap and water clean-up of the important areas," she said with a wink. He laughed trying to imagine what that was. So he quickly got out of bed so he could find out.

* * *

Their seats were in the balcony, but it was everything Rayna had hoped it would be. Some of her favorite performers, like John Conlee and Connie Smith and Linda Davis, were on the bill. And a special treat for her was Martina McBride. As the show ended and the red curtain came down, she turned to him, a look of pure joy on her face. "Thank you so much for this!" she cried and she kissed him. She didn't want to leave and so they sat there for a few minutes as everyone around them filed out. When they finally got up, he took her hand and led her down the steps.

When they got to the edge of the balcony, they stood for a minute, looking down at the stage. She turned to look at him, stars still in her eyes and a breathlessness about her. "I want to be on that stage one day," she said. "More than that, one day I hope I get invited to join the Grand Ole Opry. That would just be a dream come true."

He smiled at her and kissed her. "You will, baby. I bet you end up performing on that stage hundreds of times. And if they don't invite you to join? Well, they'd be crazy not to."

She had tears in her eyes. "This has been one of the best nights of my life," she said. "I love you so much for bringing me."

He promised himself then that he'd do everything in his power to make her feel like that every chance he got.

 **Rayna**

"Deacon," Rayna whispered. Deacon didn't open his eyes, just made a noise and frowned. "Deacon," she said again, a little louder. She reached out and ran her fingers over his bare chest, dragging her index finger over one nipple. She watched his face and saw him lift his mouth in a small smile, but he still didn't open his eyes. She smiled to herself and trailed her hand down, sliding it under the sheet, and then let her fingers linger on his inner thigh.

"Mm," he groaned and reached down to move her hand to where he wanted it to be. She stroked him with a feathery touch and he moaned, his body twitching. She started to move her hand and he grabbed it again and held it in place until she wrapped her hand around him. Then he finally opened his eyes, although not all the way, and smiled. "I like how you wake me up, baby," he murmured, his voice thick with desire.

"You do?" she purred. Then she leaned over and kissed him, tugging at his lips until he was kissing her hungrily, pulling at her lips, tangling his tongue with hers. Then suddenly he lifted up and flipped her over onto her stomach, causing her to gasp with surprise. He covered her body with his, sliding his hands underneath her to cup her breasts. She moaned into the pillow, and then he nudged her legs open and she raised her ass slightly in anticipation. "Oh, dear God," she moaned as he thrust himself into her. And then everything flew out of her brain except for the exquisite way he made her feel.

* * *

He slid over and ran his fingers down her arm. She turned to face him. "So what was it you was trying to wake me up for?" he asked, with a smirk.

She grinned and swatted his arm. "That, apparently," she said.

He raised an eyebrow. "You were awfully…enthusiastic about it," he said.

She felt the heat in her core and squirmed just a little. "Stop," she said, with a giggle. "You know what today is? First day in the studio."

He kissed her. "Oh, yeah, that's right," he said, with a wink. "My beautiful, sexy wife is gonna start recording her first album." He turned towards her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so proud of you, baby," he murmured into her ear.

"It feels like a dream," she whispered.

He looked at her. "It's _your_ dream, baby," he said.

She shook her head. " _Our_ dream. There would be no Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne. You know that." She ran her finger down his cheek. "So, I'm gonna get in the shower," she said, giving him a look, and then she rolled over and got out of bed, running for the bathroom. He jumped out of bed and followed her, grabbing her around the waist as she turned the water on in the shower.

* * *

When they got to the studio, Dan introduced them to Randy Roberts, who would be producing Rayna's album. He explained that he wanted to record the instrumental tracks for two songs, then create a scratch track with Rayna's vocals, so they could see how her voice blended.

Rayna frowned. "What's a scratch track?"

Randy smiled. "It's basically a rough track of the song. It lets us see how it might sound once we record the final version. I want to be able to hear how your voice will sound over the instrumental track and then we can make adjustments."

Rayna looked at Deacon, then back at Randy. "So we don't just get in there and, you know, record? Like when we did our demo?"

Randy shook his head. "Not usually. And I wouldn't record a solo artist that way, in most cases." He patted her arm. "Just wait and you'll see how it goes."

* * *

At the end of the day, Rayna was exhausted, not from anything she had done, but from sitting and watching as everything went on around her. But she was also exhilarated by the process and the prospect of actually putting out her own music. She felt like she had arrived.

 **Deacon**

Deacon tapped on his glass as he nodded at the bartender. He kept his eye on the hallway to the ladies room as he downed the shot of whiskey. Then he asked for another. He had mostly stayed away from alcohol while they'd been working on Rayna's album, at her request, but he was craving that warm feeling as the liquor went down his throat and the way it took off the edge.

Recording this album had been more stressful than he'd expected it to be. He was supposed to be Rayna's bandleader, but he felt like he didn't have enough say so over how the arrangements went. He and Randy had had several heated arguments about that, with Rayna screaming at both of them. He shook his head and glanced over at the hallway. He still didn't see Rayna, so he asked for another shot. As the bartender set it in front of him, he saw Rayna making her way out into the bar. They were doing the closing set at a place in Lebanon where they'd performed before.

He could see her smiling, could see her mouthing the words 'thank you' several times. He saw a guy get a little too close, which made his blood boil, but she lifted a hand and stepped aside. Finally she made it over to where they were sitting at the bar. He leaned in. "What did that guy say to you?" he asked, with a frown.

She sighed. "Nothing, babe." She leaned over the bar and told the bartender she wanted a diet Coke. Then she looked back at him and the glass he had in his hand. She frowned. "How many is that?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe three," he lied, looking just off her shoulder.

She looked like she didn't believe him. "Well, maybe no more then, so you're sharp for our set," she said.

He slammed the empty glass onto the bar and she flinched. "I know how much I can handle," he hissed, leaning close to her. "And we got a hour 'fore we go on. I'll be good."

She scowled. "You can drink a lot of those in an hour, Deacon. And that's not a good thing. Maybe we shouldn't have come so early."

"But we did. Because _you_ wanted to." She looked away and he leaned back against the bar. He thought back to how many shots he'd had and he wasn't exactly sure. He was feeling a little buzzed, but nothing that would keep him from being able to play. Sometimes it annoyed him how pissy Rayna got about his drinking and this was one of those times. He didn't drink all the time and he sure didn't drink like his father had. He asked for another.

"Deacon," she said, giving him a warning look. He just looked back at her and threw down the shot, dragging his arm across his mouth. She breathed in sharply and turned back to look at the stage.

* * *

He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder as they walked off the stage and she moved away from him. No one would have realized what she was doing because, like everything else she did, she was classy about the way she did everything in public. But he knew she was angry. He'd known it when they were onstage, the way she looked back at him. He knew he messed up a couple times, but it wasn't like anyone but her would know. When they got backstage, she took his guitar and put it in the case, acting like she was helping him. She took the car keys out of his pocket and then, linking her arm through his, she led him out of the bar.

She got him in the passenger seat and stowed his guitar in the back of the truck, then went around to the driver's side. When she slammed the door shut, she whirled her head around, an angry look on her face. "What the hell is the matter with you?" she shouted. "Why can't you control how much you drink when you _know_ we're performing?"

"I didn't have that much," he said, mulishly, but he knew he sounded thick and he was seriously buzzed.

"Considering the fact that you actually _missed my cues_ – not once, but at least four times – I'd say you _did_ have that much," she said, her voice seeming to bounce off the inside of his head. "Damn it, Deacon, how can you do this? To us?"

He knew he wasn't in the best of shape, but it pissed him off that she was yelling at him. "It ain't like nobody noticed but you," he countered, loudly.

She raised her eyebrows. "And that doesn't matter? It doesn't matter that _I_ want it to be perfect?" She shook her head and put the key in the ignition and started the truck. Then she looked back at him. "I need to be able to count on you," she said, her voice starting to quiver just a little. "I can't do this without you and I can't cover for you all the time." She backed out of the parking space and headed out of the parking lot. "We just can't get a bad reputation, Deacon," she said. "We just can't."

He slumped against the side of the window, looking out into the darkness. He was asleep by the time they hit the highway.

 **Rayna**

Rayna breathed out in a rush. She sat still for a moment, just taking it all in. They had just listened to her record, all the way through, and it had been somewhat overwhelming at first. She had finally gotten used to hearing her own voice. She had told Deacon back at the beginning that she wasn't sure why anyone had really been interested in her at all, that, to her, her voice sounded breathy and nasally and…weird. He had laughed, telling her that everyone had to get used to their voice, that it always sounded different from what they heard in their head. He had always told her she had the voice of an angel, but she had never really believed that. Now, however, six months after they'd started this process, she could hear herself more objectively. And she really liked what she heard.

Deacon was sitting next to her and he looked at her several times while they listened. She hadn't looked back at him, but she could sense his eyes on her, looking to see if there was any reaction. He didn't say anything, letting her just take it all in, and she appreciated that. They knew each other so well now. Sometimes she felt like he was inside her head and she was inside his. _We fit._ He told her that often, in the afterglow of sex, and it was true. But it was more than just that they fit each other in bed, both literally and figuratively. It was that her curves and his edges synced. She gave him what he needed and he did that for her in return.

She knew her father and sister were waiting for them to falter, but, if anything, they'd just grown stronger together. She turned to look at him, now that the record was over. He looked down for a second, taking her hand, threading his fingers through hers, and then he looked back and she could see it in his eyes. He was proud of her, of them, of what they'd just accomplished. _It was really, really good._

She smiled. "Wow," she said. She put her free hand over her heart. "That was exactly what I was hoping to hear."

Dan Eagle breathed out. "This is a very solid first album, Rayna," he said. "I'm thinking 'Already Gone' is our first single. What do you think?"

She looked at Deacon, then back at Dan, and nodded. "That's what we thought too," she said.

He clapped his hands together. "Alright then, we'll get that out to radio now. We'll drop the album in two weeks and then we'll set up your radio tour. Except for the holidays, you can expect to be on the road for ten weeks. A different city every day. Depending on the city, you could be in up to three stations a day. You should plan to perform 'Already Gone' in studio, so you'll take Deacon and one or two other band members with you." He smiled. "The good news is, you're warm and engaging and very personable. DJ's and program directors are going to love you."

She laughed. "Wow. Sounds like we'll be very busy."

Dan smiled a crooked smile. "There will be more radio and programmer conferences after that. And we'll be thinking about your next album as soon as this one drops. Plus we want to get you on a real tour, so we'll be marketing you as an opener."

She took a deep breath and Deacon squeezed her hand. She looked at him. "You're doing this, baby," he said, with a grin.

"Now, y'all should go celebrate!" Dan exclaimed and he stood up, indicating they were done. He walked out of the room then.

Rayna and Deacon had stood up, too, and she laughed out loud and threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, my God, Deacon!" she cried. "Can you believe all this?"

He wrapped her up in his arms and lifted her off the ground, then kissed her. "Hell, yeah, baby!" he shouted. Then he laughed too. "I knew you could do it, Ray," he said. "And you did. That was amazing!"

She grinned. "Well, you heard what Dan said. Let's get everybody together and go out and celebrate!"

* * *

It was late. Rayna came back from the ladies room and found Vince and Carmen gone and Deacon with his head down on the table in the booth. She took a deep breath, feeling her annoyance level rise. As usual, Deacon had had too much to drink. As always, when Vince was around, they seemed to feel compelled to make it a contest. Who could drink the most. She was reminded again of how much she hated this. It worried her, how much Deacon drank and how often. He kept telling her he wasn't like his father, but she was beginning to wonder about that.

She had tried getting him to leave earlier, but he had glared at her and refused. She was learning more about his habits. That just before he was too drunk, he developed a dark and nasty temper. That when things got stressful, he would go off by himself. That it didn't take much for him to doubt himself or lose confidence in himself and, when that happened, he could either get drunk or walk away. He knew she hated it, yet he did it anyway. At first, thinking he was doing it to spite her, it pissed her off, but then she began to realize it was his way of coping. Or of just pushing it away. He would hate disappointing her and yet he continued to do it.

In the beginning, she would shrug it off. But now, little alarm bells were starting to go off in her head. But she didn't know what to do about it. Didn't know who to talk to about it. The few times she'd tried talking to Tandy, her sister would use it as an opportunity to either disparage Deacon or try to get her to walk away from him, so she'd stopped. Deacon was her husband, the love of her life, and she would do anything to support him and help him get past this.

She slid into the booth and tugged at his arm. "Deacon," she said. He made a noise, but didn't move. "Deacon," she said, a little louder. "We need to go."

He raised his head up slightly. "What?" he said, his eyes barely open. Then he looked around. "Where's Vince?" he slurred.

"Gone. Come on, Deacon. Get up." She knew she sounded testy.

He frowned. "Leave me alone."

She raised her eyebrows. "I will not. Now get up so we can go home." She decided to change her tactic. "Let's go, babe," she said, softening her voice. "Let's go home."

He burped loudly and she could smell the cheap whiskey. She turned her head and got out of the booth. Then she leaned over and tugged at his arm. "I'm coming!" he shouted, and then he finally started to slide across the bench seat.

She waited until he was at the edge of the seat and then she reached for his arm, pulling him up. He staggered and she grabbed him, putting an arm around his waist and pulling his arm around her shoulders. He was not very helpful and her knees buckled slightly before she regained control. "Let's go, babe," she said.

They walked slowly out of the bar and into the parking lot. They were about halfway to the truck, when he stopped and turned away from her and puked on the asphalt. She closed her eyes, feeling an unbelievable despair. Then, with tears in her eyes, she took his arm and led him to the truck. When they got home, she undressed him and put him in their bed. Because he'd wiped his mouth on his shirt sleeve, she walked out to the trash dumpster at the apartment and threw the shirt away. Then she walked slowly back up to the apartment.

She checked on Deacon and then went into the living room and laid on the couch. She was angry and she was scared and she didn't really know what to do. She dozed off and on, waking up every time she heard him get up. When the darkness started to lift, she felt his hand on her arm and she opened her eyes to look at him, kneeling on the floor next to her. His eyes were filled with sorrow as he ran his hand over her hair. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered.

Tears were filling her eyes as she looked back at him. "I know," she said, with a sigh.

 **Tandy**

Tandy slipped her shoes off and then changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. She padded back out to her living room and slid a CD of classical music into her stereo system, then turned it down low. Even though it was mid-afternoon, she went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. She had a little bit of a headache and thought the wine probably wouldn't help, but she needed it. She smiled a little to herself, thinking how ironic that was, after she'd just spent time watching her brother-in-law slowly get drunk and then belligerent.

She sat down on the couch and sighed, taking a sip of her wine. She thought back to the Christmas lunch debacle earlier that day at her father's house. Lamar had confided in her that he'd found out Deacon was a pretty serious drinker. She shook her head, no longer wondering how he found out all the information he did. Lamar Wyatt had people everywhere and he was constantly gathering information, waiting to be able to use it when it suited him. That it would extend to members of his own family, even extended family, was just par for the course. She sometimes wondered how high she rated on his list of people to watch.

As always, Lamar had needled Deacon and Rayna, harping on their lack of career success. He also had kept the tumbler of whiskey he'd offered Deacon, when they'd arrived, freshened. During the course of the meal, it was obvious the alcohol was affecting him. He would occasionally slur his words and was quick to respond to Lamar's jabs. Tandy had wondered if he'd been drinking even before they'd arrived. She had to give Rayna credit for pushing back at Lamar. She did her best to protect Deacon from their father.

She did have to admit, though, that she worried about Rayna. Deacon did drink, a lot, according to Lamar, and he was a mean drunk. That was obvious at lunch, as he had charged Lamar at one point. If not for Rayna grabbing his arm and pleading with him, Tandy was sure Deacon would have punched Lamar in the face. Two things crossed her mind at the time – one was that it might have been a good thing if Deacon _had_ punched Lamar and the second was that she was worried for her sister.

Rayna had always followed her heart, been impulsive, even as a little girl. She was always a sweet child, loving and nurturing and mostly happy. She was also incredibly determined, even if it was just to keep someone from taking her toys away from her. At times like those, she could be fierce, and Tandy would see flashes of their father in her. Rayna denied it now, but she had been a daddy's girl growing up. Tandy herself had that role now, but she often thought that what made Lamar so angry at Rayna and yet unable to let her go, was that Rayna was so much like their mother.

Lamar had loved Virginia Jaymes with all his heart. But they had been like oil and water, for as long as Tandy could remember. She and Rayna had adored their mother and Virginia had adored her girls. But Tandy saw what Rayna didn't – that Virginia was miserably unhappy in her marriage. Tandy suspected Virginia was having an affair – she often left the house for hours at a time and came home looking slightly disheveled – and had found proof in the letters and journals she'd discovered when cleaning out Virginia's things several years after her death. She kept that information to herself, not talking to either her father or sister about her discovery.

She sighed. She never judged her mother for what she'd done. She understood, as his daughter, what a difficult man Lamar was to live with. And that took her back to Rayna. Rayna's impulsiveness was what had led her to where she was today. Lamar had kicked her out of the house when she was sixteen. Tandy knew he thought it would just bring her to her senses, that she wouldn't be able to survive on her own at that age and with as little life experience as she'd had. But it just proved how little Lamar really knew Rayna. That she had Deacon, who was willing to take her in and protect her, helped, but Tandy knew Rayna would have figured things out for herself somehow. She would never come back home.

She understood what Rayna saw in Deacon initially. He was breathtakingly handsome and it was obvious that he loved her sister with all his heart. He could have been one of those bad boys, changed by the love of a good woman, but real life wasn't that simple. She'd been worried when Rayna told her she was getting married, more because of how young she was, but Rayna had cried on her shoulder one too many times about Deacon's drinking and she had shared what some of Deacon's demons were. Tandy had become less tolerant over time, which coincided with Rayna being less forthcoming. When she had seen Deacon's rage earlier that day, she had felt grave concern for her sister.

 _Tandy ran after Rayna, as she dragged Deacon out of the house. She watched her sister push him into the passenger seat and slam the door, with obvious anger. She hurried down the steps and caught Rayna right behind the truck. She grabbed Rayna's arm and her sister looked at her with a frown on her face. "Sweetie, I'm worried about you," she said to Rayna._

 _Rayna pulled her arm away. "I'm fine, Tandy. If Daddy hadn't played this little game, we wouldn't be leaving."_

 _Tandy bit her lip. "It's more than Daddy playing a game. Deacon has a real serious problem. I'm worried about you and what he might do."_

 _Rayna raised her eyebrows. "You think he'd hurt me? Are you kidding? He would_ _never_ _do that." She breathed out angrily. "I'm sorry I ever talked to you about this. You don't know him at all."_

 _Tandy took a deep breath. "Sweetheart, I think he might be an alcoholic," she said._

 _Rayna reached out and slapped her. "Shut up! Don't you ever say that again! He might drink too much sometimes, but he's_ _not_ _an alcoholic. He works hard at not going over that line." She scowled at Tandy. "Now leave us alone." She had walked away then and gotten in the truck. Tandy couldn't do anything but just stand there in the driveway and watch._

Tandy took another sip of her wine as she thought about that. She was more sure than ever that Deacon Claybourne was an alcoholic. And that Rayna was enabling him, without realizing she was doing it. She felt a cold chill run down her spine, thinking that her sister was in way over her head and she worried it would destroy her one day.


	5. 1993

_**A/N: Just a reminder, that a couple chapters were posted when the site notifications weren't turned on, if you haven't read those yet. Thanks for reading!**_

 **Rayna**

Rayna groaned when the alarm went off. She'd been doing this radio tour for most of the last three and a half months and she still couldn't get used to getting up as early as four in the morning. She had begged for a break, and the label had given her a week, but they'd been back at it for three weeks and the break seemed like a distant memory.

"Damn, Ray, you steal all the covers," Deacon growled behind her, sounding barely alive.

She smiled to herself. "No, I don't," she said.

He rolled over and threw his arm across her waist, nuzzling into her neck. "You _always_ steal all the covers, baby," he murmured. His warm breath on her skin made her tingle and she giggled. "Ever since I known you, you do it."

"But I'm cold," she protested, laughing.

"You think I'm not?" he persisted, but she could hear the amusement in his voice. He gripped her closely. "I could warm you up," he went on, suggestively.

He could too, she knew that. In her head, she thought quickly about how much time she had. She'd have to shower and then do her own hair and makeup. The label had a bus that would drive everyone to the two radio stations they were going to in whatever town this was. The good news was that they didn't have anything else on the calendar and they would just head straight to the next town. She could feel him, hard against her covered up ass. She smiled to herself. "Warm me up, babe," she purred. "But we can't take too long."

* * *

As she was applying her makeup, she was conscious of the pleasantly sore feeling between her legs. She leaned towards the mirror, noticing a light flush rising on her cheeks. She loved making love in the morning. Sometimes they would take their time, letting it play out languidly and teasingly, drawing out the sensations until they couldn't wait any longer. Other times, it was more like that morning, fast and hard and rough, either because there wasn't much time or because the need was too great.

Sometimes it surprised her that, almost four years married, that they still could be so turned on by each other, crave each other so much, but it also was more than just the sex. They had grown up together, in a way, learning each other and blending themselves. He could read her like a book, like no one else could. He knew her moods, understood what she needed without her having to say a word. He knew what she was thinking, more times than not, and could anticipate her reactions. And the same was true for her. She could sense when he needed space, when he was struggling with the stress, when he just needed her to be there, quietly. He wore his heart on his sleeve and his emotions were always etched across his face or reflected in his eyes, so it wasn't hard to read him, but she and she alone knew how to react to whatever she saw there.

And the music. That was the other part that was magical. She often wondered what it was that Watty had seen in each of them, separately, that had led him to match them up with each other. Whatever it was, it had been lightning in a bottle. He made her better, in that way. He was the one who'd told her writing music was three chords and the truth, and then he proved it to her with every song he wrote. Every song they wrote together.

She put the mascara down and picked up a brush, pulling it slowly through her hair. Marriage was hard sometimes. Being married to someone as sometimes volatile and impulsive as Deacon was could be hard. Watching him fight demons, some of which she knew but many of which she did not, was painful. But there was more good than bad. A lot more. And that made it all worthwhile. She smiled at her reflection. _We're so completely connected. I think sometimes he matters more to me than my own life._

She breathed out and then put the brush in her makeup case. She picked it up and walked around the corner. When she saw Deacon sprawled out on the bed, fast asleep, she grinned. She tapped the sole of his boot with her makeup case. "Wake up, babe, it's time to hit the road again," she called out.

 **Deacon**

Deacon was ready for the radio road show to be over. He wanted to support Rayna, but it was a grind. He and two other session musicians were with her so she could perform at each stop. She was bubbly and energetic and could talk to other people easily, a trait he didn't have. She was polite and engaging and she could win anyone over. He didn't like the way some of the DJ's and programming directors looked at her and he spent most of the time nursing a slow burn. She was pretty, though, and she had a sexy body, with her long, lean legs and her ample cleavage. While he appreciated all that for himself, he sometimes wished it was less appealing to others.

They would always ask her some variation on the question of what it was like to be on the road all the time and she always gestured towards him, mentioning that it helped to be out there with her husband. He also liked how she always subtly emphasized the word husband. _Babe, trust me, I know they're flirting with me. And I flirt right back, because it's gonna get my music on the radio and sell records. But I want them to know, for sure, that the only man flirting counts with is you._ That's what she'd always say and then she'd lean in and give him the kind of kiss that reminded him of how much she loved him.

It was still stressful, though, because many nights he'd be left behind while she went to a dinner with program people. More times than not, he and the other two musicians would sit in the hotel bar in whatever city they were in and would drink. Which then meant he and Rayna would fight when she got back to the hotel and she found him there. Just the night before they'd had a bad fight.

 _Rayna walked up to the bar, where he was sitting with Josh and Brad. "You ready?" she said, her eyes narrowed just slightly._

 _He looked over at her, the glass of whiskey in his hand, and held it up. "Let me finish this one and then I'll be up," he said. She'd been out later than usual and he'd had more to drink than usual. He'd complained a little to the other guys about feeling like he was walking in her shadow sometimes. He probably shouldn't have said it, but once in a while it grated on him a bit that she was his boss._

 _She stood her ground. "I'd really like to go over some things, Deacon. Can you do that?" There was a shrillness to her voice._

 _He huffed. "You know, I don't think there's nothing we need to go over, Rayna," he said. He drained the glass, then got the attention of the bartender to let him know he wanted another. "We're gonna do the same thing tomorrow we did today. So I think I got it." He looked at her and raised an eyebrow._

 _He watched her. She frowned and he could see that she was rolling around in her head whether to say anything right then and, if so, what to say. He could tell her body was stiff, anger rolling off her. She stood a little straighter. "All right then," she said, turning on her heel, and walking off. He knew that wouldn't be the end of it._

 _The bartender set a fresh glass of whiskey in front of him and he picked it up. Josh and Brad were silent and just sat, hovered over their own drinks. He said nothing, just took his time with the drink. When he was done, he took a deep breath and then got up from the bar stool. He glanced at Josh and Brad. "See y'all tomorrow," was all he said._

 _He could feel that he was a little unsteady on his feet and he was seriously buzzed. He walked slowly to the elevator bay and stood there for a minute, trying to remember what floor they were on. He finally remembered to look at his room key and pulled it out of his pocket. 512. He rang for the elevator and waited. When he got on, he leaned forward and pressed five. When the elevator started up, he stumbled against the wall and reached his hand out to steady himself._

 _When he reached the fifth floor, he staggered down the hall until he got to the room. He tried to put the key in the slot, but he couldn't get it to work. He kept fumbling with it until finally Rayna opened the door. She was wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts, what she usually slept in, and he thought she looked incredibly sexy. But he could also tell she was mad. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she was frowning._

 _She pulled him into the room and let the door close. Then she walked away from him. He started to follow. She whirled around then, her eyes flashing. "Don't you ever talk to me like that again, in front of other people. Especially not people who work for me."_

 _He frowned. "Like I work for you? Like I'm just your hired help?" he snarled._

 _She took a step towards him. "Right now, you do work for me. And whatever you do, reflects on me, Deacon. I don't need you acting like you need to put me in my place or something. I know this isn't fun for you. It's not fun for me either. But I thought you supported me and right now, I'm not feeling very supported."_

" _You just treat me like I'm one of your band, Rayna. Like I don't matter."_

 _She gasped. "That's not true and you know it!" Then she stiffened. "But if that's how you feel about it." She gestured towards the other queen bed in the room. "Why don't you sleep there tonight?" She sat down on the other bed and slid her legs under the covers. She looked back at him. "You're gonna feel bad tomorrow, I'm pretty sure." She reached up and turned out the light and pulled the covers over herself._

He breathed in as he watched her now, talking up the DJ. In another minute or so, she'd be ready to sing. She was right about him feeling bad. Not only was he pretty seriously hung over, but he felt bad about the things he'd said to her the night before. At some point, during the night, he'd crawled into the other bed and wrapped his arm around her, whispering _I'm sorry_ in her ear. She had stiffened up at first, but then she relaxed in his arms. _Don't do that again_ , was all she said.

He would be glad when this was over. He did support her and he did want her to succeed. He just wanted to go home.

 **Rayna**

As they slowly drove along the street, Rayna peered out the window. She pointed at a stone bungalow. "That's it," she said.

Deacon pulled the truck over and parked. He met Rayna on the sidewalk. She was looking up at the house. Then she turned and smiled. "This looks just like what I saw in my head." She pointed at the window to the left of the front door. "I would put a lamp right there." She looked back at him. "I hope it's as cute inside as it seems outside."

He nodded. "Let's go see."

She walked up the steps and he followed behind her. They had finished the radio tour, for now anyway, and it seemed like a good time to pursue finding a bigger place. She especially wanted more room, enough so that they weren't on top of each other. Things had been a little strained, as Deacon seemed to struggle with the demands of the radio tour. They had argued, a lot, and she had felt under a lot more stress to be on top of her game, especially after a night of fighting and distance. And Deacon was drinking more, which alarmed her, and she hoped settling back into a different routine would help.

The good news was that the radio tour had worked. It had gotten her great exposure and both her single and her album were rising on the charts. She was getting a lot of attention and the label was shopping her to summer tours. She and Deacon were also continuing to hit local bars and listening rooms and the crowds were larger and more enthusiastic. They both felt confident that moving up to a rental house was the right move.

The rental agent met them on the front porch. "Hey, there, y'all," she said, smiling at the two of them. "I think this is going to be just perfect for y'all. I'll wait out here and let you just wander through."

Rayna smiled. "Thanks, Pam." She reached for the door knob and opened the door. As she stepped into the living room, she caught her breath. It was a nice sized room, with a fireplace, hardwood floors and dark wood trim. She looked at Deacon. "Oh, babe, this is exactly what I wanted. Do you like it?"

He looked around and then he nodded. "Long as it's what you want, Ray, I'm good," he said.

She raised an eyebrow, but decided to let it go. The master bedroom was off the living room and she walked in. There was closet space as she walked into the room, but she saw another closet and a small bathroom as well. She pointed at the window that looked out onto the front lawn. "We could put the bed there," she said. "The sun would wake us up in the morning." She looked into the bathroom. "The bathroom is kinda small, but fine. And I think there's another bathroom, if it gets too cramped." She smiled. "And you'd have your own closet."

He nodded. "I see that."

They looked at the dining room and then the two other bedrooms and a bathroom, before walking into the kitchen. She grinned. "A real kitchen!" she cried.

He smirked. "You gonna cook?"

She made a face and put her arms around his waist. "I can try. Maybe I'll be inspired."

He smiled at her and kissed her on the forehead. "If you like it, we can take it," he said.

"What about you? Do you like it?"

He glanced around and then back at her. He nodded. "Actually, I do. There's a room we can store stuff in and a lot more space, for sure."

She bit her lip and then laid her head against his chest. "I just want a home," she said. "This feels like a home, you know? Someplace where we can, I don't know, really build our life together." She looked up at him. "That's what I want, Deacon. Our lives back."

He looked at her and then finally slid his arms around her, pulling her close. "Me too, baby," he said. He reached his hands up and pushed her hair back. "Let's take it." Then he leaned in and kissed her.

 **Deacon**

"Babe, can you come here a second?"

Deacon was in the back bedroom, tuning the used Gibson acoustic he'd picked up at a ridiculously low price. "Coming!" he called out. He got up and set the guitar gently in its stand and then headed to find Rayna.

"I'm in the kitchen!" she called out, and he smiled, thinking she'd read his mind.

When he got to the kitchen, he found her standing on a stepladder, the top cabinet open. They had been in the house for two weeks and had finally gotten everything unpacked and mostly put away. He stood for just a second, admiring Rayna from behind. She was wearing short shorts and, he knew, a Loveless Café t-shirt, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. He took in her pert little ass and her long shapely legs. _Damn, she's gorgeous._ She was raised up on her bare feet, her hands reaching towards the cabinet.

She turned her head slightly when she heard him walk in. "Can I hand you this bowl, babe?" she asked. "I don't know why I put these up…oh."

He smiled as her voice trailed off. He had walked up to her and kissed the side of her thigh, almost on the inside of it. Then he touched her sensitive skin with the tip of his tongue and she made a moaning noise. Then he stepped back. "Yes, you can hand it to me," he said, with a grin.

She breathed out and then she leaned over and handed it to him. He set the bowl on the counter and then took her hand as she stepped down from the ladder. She looked a little flushed and he smiled again. She raised her eyebrows and then she swatted him on the arm. "I could have lost my balance there, babe," she said.

He put his arms around her waist. "I'd a caught you, baby," he said. He leaned down and kissed her, moving his hands to cup her ass, squeezing as he did. She moaned into his mouth as her tongue sought his and her hands reached up and clasped the back of his neck. Since they'd been back from the radio tour, he'd managed to curtail his drinking substantially. It had become such a sore point between them and he didn't like her disapproval. It was more important to him to be close to her and he considered it worth the effort, even when it was hard.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. She stepped back and smiled at him playfully. "I'll get it. And give you a minute," she said as she turned towards the living room. After a moment, he followed her, and could see, through the sheer curtain covering the glass door, that it was Bucky. She opened the door. "Hey, Buck. What's up?"

It was unusual for Bucky to just stop by, but he looked excited. He had a manila envelope in his hand that he held up. "Great news!" he said, a little breathlessly. "Dan got you the opener's spot on Vince Gill's tour. Thirty-five dates, starting in May."

Rayna put her hands over her mouth. "Are you serious?" she squealed.

Bucky nodded, a big smile on his face. "Vince is rotating several openers over the spring and summer and you'll be in the first wave. This is a very big deal, Rayna," he said, a look of pride on his face.

Rayna turned to Deacon, her eyes glistening. He picked her up and twirled her around. "Baby, you did it!" he shouted and then kissed her hard, setting her back down on the floor. He watched her as tears filled her eyes, in spite of the huge smile on her face.

She looked over at Bucky. "When do we start?" she asked.

"You'll start the first weekend in May, running through mid-July. You'll be the first opener and you'll have a twenty-five minute set, so we'll need to get together in the next week to nail down your set list. The two of you should think about what you want to do and then we'll finalize it and get your band together." He handed the envelope to Deacon and then hugged Rayna. "I'm so very proud of you, Rayna," he said. He looked back and forth between the two them, smiling happily. "I'm going to let y'all celebrate."

He headed for the door and Rayna walked him out, closing the door behind him. Then she turned back to Deacon and started jumping up and down. "Oh my God, babe, we did it!" she squealed.

He had never been more proud of her in his life.

* * *

They were at the bar around the corner, celebrating with whiskey shots. Now that Rayna was twenty-one, she was a little more tolerant of drinking, as long as they were together. She was still on a high from Bucky's big news, though, and she was a little more tipsy than normal. Deacon didn't mind, because it also meant she was more affectionate than she would normally be on a night out. She would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him, snuggling into his side. He tried to hold back a little on his drinking, just so she could enjoy herself a little more.

He ordered her a shot and sat watching as she raised it to her lips. Then she looked at him and frowned. "You don't have one?" she asked, slurring her words just a little.

He smiled. "I want you to have fun, baby," he said.

She leaned in and kissed him. "You're the best hush-band," she said, with a giggle, then threw back the shot. She put the glass down on the bar and leaned in to him. "I think we should go. And have fun at home." He grinned. She was a little loud, as though she thought he couldn't hear her. But when he helped her down from the bar stool, she started pulling at his belt.

He grabbed her hands. "Baby, we ain't home yet," he said.

She snickered and leaned towards his face. "But I'm horny, babe," she said, in a half-whisper. She started to reach for his crotch and he swung her around, pulling her towards the back of the bar. "Where we going?" she said. He just led her into one of the bathrooms, closing and locking the door behind them. He took her in his arms and kissed her. She pulled back and looked around, frowning. "We're in a bathroom, babe," she said. "Somebody could come in."

He showed her the door knob. "It's locked, baby," he said. He turned the knob to show her it was locked. He kissed her again, running his fingers up her leg and under her skirt.

She kissed him back, then looked up at him. "What if someone comes?" she whispered loudly.

He leaned towards her ear. "Then we need to hurry," he said.

She looked a little confused. "We're in a bar, babe," she said.

He smiled. "I know." Then he saw her eyes get wide as she realized he'd just slid his fingers into her panties and then into her. Her mouth opened slightly and her breathing quickened, as she rocked her hips. He leaned towards her ear. "Let's do this, baby," he whispered, and then he turned her around.

 **Rayna**

The alarm went off and Rayna sat up in the bed. She had laid down for a nap before sound check and she felt a little groggy as she woke up. She had given herself enough time to shower and change before heading for the arena. She would take her makeup and stage outfit with her and do her final prep there.

They were a month into the tour and she was still exhilarated by the opportunity. She was getting great response from the crowds at every arena and, as each day passed, she was feeling more and more comfortable on stage. She now had her own band, who Deacon had auditioned and selected, and that made her feel even more like a real country artist.

Each night, before a show, she and Deacon would go up to the nosebleed seats and look down at the stage, reminding themselves that they needed to sing for the people who sat far away from the stage, as well as those up front. It had been Deacon's idea to do it and she had enjoyed those few minutes, just the two of them, holding hands and talking about what a thrill it was to be there. She frowned then, thinking about him. When he'd found out that Luke Wheeler was also on the tour, as the second opener, behind her, he'd been pissed.

" _Why the hell is he after you?" he said, angrily._

" _What difference does it make?" she asked. She was just happy to be on the tour and now he was making her angry._

" _More people will be in their seats when he comes on, Ray. More exposure for him. And he ain't as good as you. He don't deserve it."_

" _I don't think it really matters if…."_

" _It_ _does_ _matter, Rayna!" He got in her face then, glaring at her. "You should be on second."_

 _She had thrown her hands up in the air. "Well, I don't guess there's anything I can do about it now! We'll just have to make the best of it and do our best. Can I count on you for that?"_

 _He had grabbed her arm then. "I ain't never not done my best for you," he said, raising an eyebrow. "You know that. I'm just trying to get you out there, Ray."_

 _She sighed. "I know. I guess I just didn't know it was a big deal." She didn't want to argue with him. "Now we'll know, right?" He hadn't said anything, just went off by himself._

He hadn't gotten any happier about it as time had gone on. He'd started drinking more, which bothered her, and it wasn't unusual for him to brood alone, which she also didn't like. She got up from the bed, wondering where he was now. She looked around the room, but he hadn't left a note. She sighed. If he wasn't back by the time she had to leave for the arena, she was sure he'd find her there. He knew what time sound check was and then they would be on stage at seven-thirty.

* * *

She was pacing the side stage. "Where could he be?" she said out loud. She was both worried and mad. None of the rest of the band knew where he was. Kyle, the bass player, had seen him leave from the lobby earlier in the afternoon, but hadn't talked to him. Bucky had gotten someone to go check the bars near the hotel, just in case he'd headed there, but no one had seen him.

She was feeling sick to her stomach. She was missing her lead guitar player and had no idea what she was going to do. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, when she heard someone walk up behind her. Hoping it was Deacon, she turned, but felt disappointed to see Luke. He had a look of concern on his face. "Can't find him?" he asked.

She closed her eyes for a second, angry that he knew. Then she sighed. "He's probably passed out somewhere," she said, shaking her head. "And I go on in ten minutes." She swallowed hard. _This is a nightmare._

He stood there for a second, then said, "Look, I know your set cold. I can fill in for him if you like."

She looked at him with surprise. "But you go on right after me," she said.

He shrugged. "There's a twenty minute break while they change out the sets. It's no big deal. And I hate for you not to get to do your set." He nodded towards the audience. "You've been a big hit with the crowds so far," he said, with a smile.

She smiled gratefully. "That's really sweet of you, Luke," she said. "Thanks."

* * *

They found him at a bar five blocks from the arena, passed out, as Rayna had feared, hours after the show was over. When they got him back to the hotel, in the middle of the night, she was standing in the lobby, both angry and scared. Bucky and one of the tour security guards brought him in. His eyes were barely open and they were practically carrying him. Rayna followed them into the elevator and then down the hall to their room. She opened the door and let them in. Deacon lurched into the bathroom and got sick.

She was trying not to cry. "It's okay," she said, her hand on Bucky's back. "I can take care of him from here."

Bucky looked worried. "You sure?"

She made a face. "It's not my first time." She shook her head. "I can handle it. Thank you, though." When they left, she shut the door and leaned against it, feeling weary. She heard Deacon get sick again and she closed her eyes, letting the tears trail down her cheeks.

Finally she pushed off the door and went into the bathroom. The smell of stale whiskey and sick and sweat was almost overwhelming. Deacon was sprawled on the bathroom floor on his stomach. She found a washcloth and ran it under the faucet, then sat down on the floor next to him. She wiped his mouth and then his face, silently crying.

He opened his eyes and tried to raise his head up. He struggled to focus on her. "I sorry, Ray," he slurred, his voice so thick she almost couldn't understand him.

She reached out and pushed his hair back off his face. He lifted his hand and laid it on her knee. "I know," she whispered. "I know."

She knew he was sorry, knew he didn't want to do this to her. But there had been too many nights when she'd been awakened by his nightmares, dreaming about his childhood. There had been too many times when he'd cried in her arms, sorry to have hurt her or disappointed her. There had been too many days when she'd held him in her arms and comforted him.

She sat with him, watching over him, as the minutes ticked by. And finally, not long before dawn, she laid down on the bathroom floor next to him, her arm around his back, and slept a fitful sleep.

 _ **~nashville~**_

She had really hoped being back in Nashville, away from the tour and the constant reminder that Luke Wheeler went on stage after her, would settle Deacon down. But it hadn't, not really. They had gotten back into a rhythm – playing small clubs and bars, writing together, working on the songs for her next album – but that rhythm had also included Deacon continuing to drink. He seemed stuck in a dark place and she couldn't figure out how to get him out of it.

So now she was sitting in an office at the label, with Bucky and Watty across the table from her. She knew she looked rough. She hadn't even bothered to put on makeup that morning. Her eyes were swollen from crying, there were dark circles under her eyes from not getting much sleep, her voice was raspy from the screaming match she and Deacon had had the night before, when she found him passed out at a bar with Vince. He'd been too hungover to come to the meeting, which was supposed to be about the album, which they'd just started work on. But it became clear to her almost immediately that the meeting had nothing to do with the album at all.

"Where's Deacon?" Bucky asked, as she sat down.

She shrugged. "He's sick," she said, then waved her hand. "Nothing to worry about though. Just one of those twenty-four hour things, I think." She had never really talked to Bucky about Deacon's drinking, even though he'd witnessed it. It was private, something she and Deacon would work through.

"Hungover, you mean?" Bucky looked at her compassionately, without judgement.

She shook her head. "Why would you say that?" she asked, even though she couldn't quite look him in the eye.

Bucky sighed and leaned forward on the table, clasping his hands together. "Rayna, I think Deacon's an alcoholic. Surely you can see that," he said, his voice filled with concern.

She shook her head harder. "No, he's not, Buck. He doesn't drink all the time. He's not drunk all the time. Just sometimes, when things get really stressful, that's the only time he drinks. And not always a lot." She frowned at him. "He's _not_ an alcoholic. I would know if he was. Yes, sometimes he drinks too much. But he's not an alcoholic."

Bucky breathed in. "He doesn't have to be drunk all the time to be an alcoholic, Rayna. He doesn't even have to drink every day. But it's interfering with the work. He's late or he doesn't show up. He drinks to the point of passing out way too often…."

She stood up then, anger filling her up. "Stop it! Don't talk about him like that, especially when he's not here to defend himself. You don't know what his life was like before he came here. So what if he drinks sometimes to keep the pain away? It doesn't mean he's an alcoholic." She looked back and forth, between Bucky and Watty. "I'm not going to stay here and listen to this," she said, starting for the door.

"Rayna, you know it's true." Watty's calm, measured voice came from behind her and she stopped. "He can't control it. And it's hurting _you_. You know that."

She breathed in, trying to keep the tears at bay, but she couldn't. She was too tired, she was too angry, she was too scared. She put her face in her hands and she sobbed. She heard both men get up and then she was in Watty's arms, as he murmured soothingly, rubbing her back.

"Rayna, we think rehab would be a good idea for him," Bucky said. "Thirty days. There's a place called Riverside, not too far from here. We want him to get help." She looked over at him, stepping out of Watty's embrace. "Do you want us to ask him?"

She shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I need to be the one." She walked to the door, then turned back to look at them. "I'll let you know." And then she walked out.

* * *

Deacon was in the kitchen when she got home. She walked up slowly and dropped her purse on the counter. He turned around, a mug of coffee in his hand. He looked about as bad as she felt. His eyes were bloodshot and there were deep, dark circles under them. There was a pasty look to his skin that she had not paid attention to before. She walked around and stood next to him. "We need to talk," she said.

He got a wary look in his eyes. "You leavin' me?" he asked.

She raised her eyebrows. "Of course not," she said. She took him by the arm and led him to the dining room. She sat and he sat in the chair perpendicular to hers. She leaned towards him and put her hands on his arm. "Babe, I'm worried about you. I'm really scared about the drinking."

He lowered his head. "I know," he said. Then he looked back at her, sorrow in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. I don't mean to scare you. I'll do better, I promise."

She bit her lip, then nodded. "I know you want to, but I think maybe you need some help."

He looked confused. "What do you mean, help?"

She breathed in. "I want you to go to rehab, Deacon."

Tears filled his eyes. "No, baby. Please. I can do this. I swear, I can do this."

She got teary-eyed as well. "But you can't, babe. I know you've tried, but I don't think this is something you can do by yourself. You need people to help you."

He grabbed her hands. "But I got _you_ , Ray," he pleaded.

She shook her head. "I can't do it either. I'm not trained in all this. So, please, I want you to do this for me. For you." She swallowed. "For us."

He looked up at the ceiling, fighting the tears. Then he looked back at her again. "I don't wanna leave you."

"It's just thirty days. And it's close, right near the river. I can come see you on Sundays. And you'll be home before you know it." She squeezed his hands. "Please, Deacon."

He took a deep breath and then he put his hand on her cheek. "If this is what you want me to do, I will," he said. "And I promise I'll make it work."

She put her hand over his and smiled. "I love you, Deacon. I'll be waiting for you."

He nodded, then pulled her over onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist and they cried together. She was glad, though, that he hadn't fought her, that he had agreed to go. _We'll survive this. And then we'll move forward._

 **Bucky**

Rayna was his client, not Deacon. But Deacon was her husband and her band leader and, therefore, was his responsibility by extension. Over the course of the time he'd known her, he'd seen Rayna toughen up. Not that she wasn't a strong woman, because she was, but she was also young and sometimes naïve. As time had gone on, she'd mostly taken off the rose-colored glasses where Deacon was concerned. His drinking was a problem – that had always been true – but finally she was seeing that it was more than just him drinking too much.

He wasn't old enough to be like a father to her, but he did see her as though she were a kid sister. He wanted to protect her, but he needed her to stay focused on moving her career forward. She was on the verge of really making it, he knew that for sure. One more powerhouse album and she'd be able to headline a tour. Not an arena tour like Vince's, but a smaller venue tour. But she needed a clean and sober Deacon.

It had hurt his heart to tell her he thought Deacon was an alcoholic and that he needed help. She'd fought it initially, but, after Watty had talked to her, she conceded they were right. He watched her in the studio, while Deacon was gone, doing scratch tracks for her next album. They used a session guitarist to work on the sound, but Deacon would be back in time to lay down the final tracks. She was lonely, perking up only just before visiting day at the rehab center.

He hoped Deacon could make sobriety work, not just for Rayna's career, but for her heart. He could see the love there and he didn't want her disappointed. He kept his fingers crossed though. Just to be safe.

 **Deacon**

When Deacon pulled the truck up to the cabin, Rayna jumped out and ran up onto the porch. She wrapped her arms around herself, bouncing on her heels. He grinned, running up the steps and putting his arms around her. "You cold, baby?" he asked, with a laugh.

"It's freezing, babe!" she cried and they hurried down to the door. He unlocked it and slid the doors open. When he let her go to close them, she ran to the thermostat and turned on the heat. "Brr!" she said. "I hope it heats up fast."

"I can get some wood and start a fire," he suggested.

She clapped her mitten-covered hands. "Oh, that would be awesome, babe," she said, with a smile. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms then. "I'm so glad we decided to come up here for Christmas," she said.

He smirked. "It does get us out of going to Lamar's for dinner," he said. He headed back for the door. "I chopped some wood last time we was here. I'll bring it in." He walked out to the wood stack and she waited by the door to let him back in. He put some wood in the fireplace and spent some time getting the fire started. When it was lit, he stood up and put his arm around her. "It'll warm up soon, baby," he said.

She looked at him. "Good," she said, with a smile. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. "I love you, babe."

He smiled. "I love you too," he said, and kissed her. "Let me go get our stuff."

As he headed out to the truck to bring in their things, he was glad, again, that he'd made the decision to buy this place. Although Rayna had been concerned at first, since he'd just gotten out of rehab, she had quickly grown to love it. He had bought it for her, after all, the dream house she'd always wanted. It was still pretty empty, but they did have a couch and a table and a bed. All they really needed, for the time being.

Rayna's career was really on the upswing. Her second album was dropping after the first of the year and she was booked as an opener for Garth Brooks, this time as the second opener, with no Luke Wheeler to be found. Everyone was calling her the future of country music and he was proud of her. He still felt bad for the trouble he'd caused her, when he was drinking, and he was determined to keep that part of his life in the past. As much as he hadn't wanted to have to go to rehab, it had helped, and he felt stronger than he ever had.

He pulled out Rayna's suitcase and his duffle. He unzipped the side pocket and felt around to be sure her gift was still in there. His hand wrapped around the box and he smiled. This would be a very good Christmas. When he got back to the house, Rayna had taken off her coat and mittens and was standing by the fire. He left everything by the door and hustled over to her, putting his arms around her and leaning on her shoulder. "You getting warmed up, baby?" he asked.

She crossed her arms over his and nodded. "Mm hm," she murmured.

"What do you want to do now that we're here?"

She turned slightly in his arms so she could look up at him. "I think you know," she said, with a sly smile.

He let her go and took her hand, pulling her across the great room towards the bedroom. "Let's go then," he said, with a laugh, and she giggled as he led her back.

* * *

Later that night, they sat in front of the fire and he had his arms draped around her. She ran her hand along his leg. "You know, babe, I'm so proud of you," she said. She turned so she could look at him. "I know you didn't want to have to go to rehab, but you did it and you're doing great and I'm just so proud of you."

He leaned in and kissed her. "I did it for you, baby," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "And I'm gonna stay sober for you. I want to do this for you."

She ran her hand over his cheek. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

He reached in his pocket then and pulled out the box he'd brought with him. "I told you back when I asked you to marry me that I'd get you a nice ring one day, so I did." He opened the box as she raised her hands to her mouth. She gasped when she saw the diamond ring inside. "It ain't the biggest ring in the world, but I thought you would like it."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Deacon, it's beautiful," she cried. "And it's perfect! I would never want a big old ring anyway." She held her hand out. "Will you put it on me?"

He smiled. "'Course I will," he said. He took the ring and slid it on her finger and she held it up. The firelight made it sparkle and then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Babe, it's beautiful!" she cried. "But I've got something for you too." She got up and ran to the bedroom. A minute later, she came back out with a long, narrow box, which she handed to him. Then she sat back down next to him.

He took the top off and his eyes got wide as he looked down at the beautiful leather guitar strap with his name engraved on it. "Wow, Ray, this is amazing," he said, as he pulled it out.

She smiled. "Well, your old one was kind of fraying, plus it wasn't leather, and I wanted you to have something nice. And everyone either has their name on theirs or their initials. Since you're the best guitar player out there, I just thought you needed the best guitar strap."

He hugged her and then he kissed her. "This is amazing, baby. I love it." He kissed her again. "And I love you."

She stood up and held her hand out for him. "Come on," she said with a wink. "I want to show you how much I love you."

He was definitely ready for that.


	6. 1994

**Rayna**

Bucky was waiting when they broke for lunch at the studio. Work on the second album was going well. It had been an emotional morning, as Deacon and Rayna had laid down the final vocal tracks for 'No One Will Ever Love You', a song Rayna had started writing while Deacon had been in rehab and that they had finished together when he got out. When they were done, she had tears in her eyes, and she turned away for a moment to wipe her eyes.

Deacon put a hand on her back. "You okay, baby?" he asked.

She nodded and then she looked up at him. "Do you think we'll ever not feel something special when we sing that song?" she asked.

He kissed her forehead and sighed. "It's gonna be the closest song to my heart," he said.

She smiled a little. "Even more than 'A Life That's Good'?" she asked.

He smiled. "Just a little," he said. Then he looked thoughtful. "You think any more about recording that one?"

She shrugged. "I think that's _your_ song, babe," she said. "When you get a record deal, _you_ should record it." She put her hand on his arm. "I love it, though. Maybe we should add it to our set list on the tour."

He shook his head. "I ain't the one who's opening. You don't have but thirty minutes, so you need to take it all. Get as much of your stuff out as you can."

Bucky burst in then and they turned to look at him. He looked like the cat who ate the canary. "I couldn't wait any longer," he said, by way of explanation for barging in. He looked at Rayna. "Rayna, the Opry called and invited you to perform in two weeks."

Rayna's eyes flew open and she gasped in surprise. "What?" she cried and then she smiled. "I'm gonna perform at the Opry?"

Bucky nodded, a big grin on his face. "Yeah. In two weeks. I just need to let them know your decision."

She jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "Yes, yes, yes! My answer is yes!" She turned to Deacon, who was smiling too, and grabbed his arm. "Oh, babe, I'm gonna make my Opry debut. _We're_ gonna make our Opry debut!" Then she threw her arms around Bucky's neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she cried.

Bucky laughed. "I'll let you know all the details, but mark down on your calendar two weeks from Friday."

* * *

Rayna could hardly sit still in the truck on the way home. "Oh, babe, this is so exciting!" she cried. "I can't believe I'm actually gonna stand on that stage."

Deacon grinned at her and then reached for her hand. "You deserve this, baby," he said. "Now people everywhere are gonna hear you."

Her eyes got wide. "Oh, you're right. It's on the radio and millions of people will hear. Oh, Deacon, wow!" She swallowed, feeling anxious now. "We need to decide on what songs we do. That'll be so important, you know?"

He nodded. "I do. I got an idea, but I wanna know what you want to do."

"Oh, tell me. You're so good at this."

He glanced at her. "Rayna, you're the one they asked to perform. You should be the one to decide."

She pulled her hand away and frowned. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like you're not a part of this?" She clenched her fists. "We do this together, Deacon. You're my partner in this. You're not just my guitar player, you're my _husband_. The person who is always there with me." She looked at him and saw him clench his jaw. She sighed and turned away.

* * *

When they got home, he headed for the back bedroom and she followed him. He picked up a guitar and sat down, then saw her standing there. "What?" he said.

She put her hands on her hips and breathed out. "I don't understand you, Deacon. You're the most important part of my career and yet sometimes you act like you just don't care."

He frowned. "That ain't true, Rayna. I _do_ care. But it's _your_ career. And _you_ need to make decisions sometimes. I can't always be doing that for you." He set the guitar down. "This Opry thing. Just pick two songs. I don't wanna tell you which ones to do, because I ain't the one standing there with everyone looking. I ain't the one whose label is setting this up for me. It's you."

"But we're a team, Deacon."

He shook his head. "No, we're really not. You're a solo artist, Rayna. I'm your sideman. I'm glad to do it, because you're my wife and I love you and I want to support you. But, make no mistake, you're the one in charge."

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Then she looked at him. "Do you want more?" she asked. "Do you want your own career? Am I holding you back?"

She could see something in his eyes then, something like regret. He shook his head. "Nah, Ray, that ain't it." He waved his hand. "Look, that wasn't fair of me." She sat in the chair next to him and he reached out for her hand. "I know what a big deal this is for you, baby," he said, his voice softening. "I know how much it means to you. So I want you to say what _you_ want to do. This is your big moment and I want you to sing what makes you happy."

She squeezed his hand. "But I trust you, Deacon. Especially when it comes to the music. You know that. So it matters to me what you think. Because I know you're always looking out for me." She lifted herself up from the chair and leaned over to kiss him, then sat back down. "Do you want your own career? Because I wouldn't blame you. You came here for that, I know that. And I would support you, the same way you support me. You know that."

He sighed. "Maybe. But let's get your album finished and then maybe we can talk about it." He smiled then. "And what songs you want to do?"

She smiled. "I was thinking 'Already Gone' and 'No One Will Ever Love You'," she said.

He lifted her hand and kissed it. "I was thinking the same thing," he said.

* * *

Rayna spent two hours trying to decide what to wear. She finally ran out into the living room where Deacon was sitting on the couch, waiting for her. "Ta da!" she exclaimed, lifting her shoulders and holding her arms out, and doing a full turn. "What do you think?" she asked, a big smile on her face. She'd finally decided to wear a denim skirt, a sleeveless cream colored tank with sequin embellishment, and a pink denim jacket, along with her favorite boots.

Deacon stood up and smiled. "I think you look like the prettiest girl on the Opry stage tonight," he said.

She ran over and threw her arms around him and kissed him. "Thank you!" she squealed. Then she looked at him and made a face. "Would you tuck your shirt in, babe?" she asked. "It is the Grand Ole Opry, after all."

He smirked but did what she asked. Then he picked up his guitar and they headed out the door.

* * *

Everything about that first night was special. Entering through the artists' entrance, checking in at the reception desk, then being shown to the special dressing room set aside just for artists making their Opry debut. She felt nervous but excited. And then, almost before she knew it, it was over. She got a chill as she was announced as it being her Opry debut. Getting to mingle with other artists she'd only ever heard on the radio made her feel like she'd woken up in one of her dreams. The applause had been loud and enthusiastic and she had loved being up on that hallowed stage, standing on the circle, where her musical heroes had stood, seeing the encouraging smiles of the people in the front rows.

What made her happiest, though, was being able to experience it all with Deacon and having him be clean and sober. She'd been proud of him, sticking to his program, sober now for over six months. Life was good. Very, very good.

 **Deacon**

They didn't have to play the bars and clubs and listening rooms as much anymore, now that Rayna's career was taking off. But they liked reminding themselves where they came from, liked keeping themselves grounded. _I don't ever want to forget what we went through to get here. I don't want to ever let myself think it's easy._ Deacon thought about Rayna's words, as she got up and headed for the restroom. Douglas Corners was one of their favorite places to perform and they had enjoyed doing the set that night. He'd been sober seven and a half months, but the siren call of whiskey hadn't quite left him completely yet, so he was anxious for her to come back so they could leave.

He was startled, then, when a woman slid into the chair across from him. "Hey, there," she said, smiling. She was attractive, with her long dark hair and eyes that seemed to smile as well. Not that he was interested, but he put his left hand on the table so that she would be sure to see his wedding band. She seemed not to notice. "I was watching you up there," she said, inclining her head towards the stage. "I was quite impressed with your vocals."

He nodded, still wary, wondering how long Rayna would be. "Thanks. She's really good," he said.

She shook her head. "I meant you. I know you're not the primary artist, but you should be. You've got a great sound." She smiled again. "And I know you do most of the writing, so you're the total package."

He frowned. "We write together."

She shrugged, ignoring his comment. "I think I could get you a record deal. If you're interested, that is." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a card, sliding it across the table. "Call me if you'd like to talk more about that." She got up from her chair. "Oh, and just to be clear, I'm talking about _you_ , Deacon Claybourne. If you might be interested in your own solo career." She raised her hand in a wave and walked away.

He watched her for a moment, then pulled the card over. _Marilyn Rhodes, Artist Management._ He flicked his eyes back at her, as she walked out the door. He had to admit, he was intrigued. If she was the real deal. But a record deal. He'd have to seriously consider that. He picked up the card and slid it in his pocket. He looked back towards the restrooms and breathed a sigh of relief, seeing Rayna emerge and head towards him.

* * *

Rayna rolled onto her side and laid her head on Deacon's chest. She moved her leg over his and ran her fingers over his chest. He let his fingers thread through her hair and he kissed the top of her head. He sighed. She looked up at him. "What?" she asked.

"So, while you were in the restroom tonight, this lady stopped at our table and asked if I wanted to do a record."

She moved so that she was practically lying on his chest, her eyes wide. "What? At Douglas Corners?"

He nodded. "Yep. Gave me her card. Said if I was interested to call her."

"She works for a label?"

He frowned. "I don't think so. Her card said 'artist management'. So I think she's like Bucky."

She smiled. "We could ask Bucky if he knows who she is. This could be your big break, babe."

"Maybe.

"Well, we should at least check it out." She grinned. "We could open on the same tours and then we could, you know, co-headline together. And cross over. Do stuff together."

He put his hands on her face. "I like the idea of doing stuff together," he said, with a smirk. She leaned down to kiss him.

* * *

The next day he showed her Marilyn's card. She looked at it pensively. "Do you want me to ask Bucky about her?" she asked. "Not that he knows everybody, but he might have heard of her."

He considered that and then shook his head. "Nah. I don't know what I'm gonna do yet. So let's not."

She shrugged and then went back to washing dishes. "Okay. Let me know if you change your mind."

He chewed on his lip for a moment, thinking about what to do next. Then he put his hand on her arm and she looked up at him. "I'm gonna go to a meeting," he said.

She looked a little surprised, but then smiled. "Okay," she said and leaned in for a kiss.

"See you later, baby," he said and then he pushed away from the counter and, picking up his keys, walked out of the house.

* * *

He leaned against the side of the pay phone, his hand in his pocket. "So you could get me a record deal," he said.

"What I can do is get someone to record your music. Then we market you to a label we can talk about what that distribution looks like," Marilyn said.

He frowned. "Rayna got all that up front," he said.

"Rayna had the advantage of being seen as a solo artist for the past several years, Deacon," she replied. He thought he heard just a touch of annoyance in her voice. "Unfortunately, you're starting from ground zero. But I know a producer who will work with you and we can get studio time at Broken Arrow. With an album in hand, and then a label deal, we can get you marketed to radio, which is where you need to be anyway."

"I can't do that just with a demo?" he asked.

"I'd rather you have something ready to drop."

"So what's this cost me?"

"Nothing right now. Once we have the album, we'll talk numbers."

"Why would you do this, with nothing in it for you?"

"Because I believe in you. I'm willing to front you, show you what I can do, and then we'll make that deal on the back end." She paused. "You in?"

He worked his lip. Somehow this seemed too good to be true, and it sure wasn't like Rayna's deal. But Marilyn was right. He didn't have any name recognition as a solo artist. Maybe this would work. "Sure," he said. "I'm in."

* * *

"Deacon, I can't believe you did this," Rayna cried. "Without talking to me? Without checking her out?" She was standing in the living room with her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Rayna, I don't have the in you did," he said, raising his voice a notch. "Nobody knows who I am, 'cept maybe as your guitar player."

She raised her eyebrows. "So we're back to that again? Come on, babe, this doesn't even sound real. Why would someone cut an album for you?"

He frowned and pointed at her. "So you think you're the only one can get a record deal? And why the hell would anyone cut a record for _me_? You think that little of me, Ray?"

She stomped her foot. "I didn't mean it that way and you know it! But why would someone do that with no skin in the game? No promise to promote you or anything? That's what I meant."

He took two steps back and spread his hands out. "Maybe someone who believes in me?"

"I _do_ believe in you!" she shouted. "You _know_ I believe in you!"

"Well, I didn't see Bucky offering me no deal or encouraging me. And he done heard the same thing she did. So maybe he just don't want me messing up your thing."

She stood, just looking at him, and finally he could see the tension ease. "Look, if this is what you want, I'll support you. If you think this is the person who can do it for you, well, I guess we'll find out." She breathed in. "It just feels like there's something going on we don't know about. I just don't want you to get caught in the middle of it."

* * *

He knew he was being stubborn. But Marilyn had made him want something he hadn't wanted in a while, or at least something he'd pushed down for a long time so that Rayna could have her chance. He'd thought it was really going to be something, at least until he walked into the studio and found out it wasn't anything like what Rayna had available to her, even at a startup label like Edgehill.

He did get a record out of the experience but nothing else. When he found out Marilyn's rules for signing with her – engaging in a sexual relationship – he'd turned her down. Which meant no radio promotion and no distribution deal. And he'd had to pay back the studio for the recording time and the producer's time. He'd been embarrassed to have to tell Rayna he had failed. She covered the cost of what he owed and got the album pressed so he at least could put it in record stores. But his dream of being a solo artist seemed to be dead before it even had a chance.

He tried putting on a brave face for Rayna, but he could feel himself descending into a deep hole. He'd started sneaking drinks here and there, with Vince, careful not to drink too much and to cover up the taste of it on his breath with breath mints. When Rayna's next single hit the top ten on the country charts, he couldn't take it anymore. He told Rayna he was going fishing and then he rounded up Vince and they headed down south of Nashville.

 **Rayna**

Rayna felt sick to her stomach. She was sitting in the living room with all the lights turned out. As the sun sank lower and lower in the sky and the shadows got deeper and darker inside the house, she grew more and more worried. Deacon had left the house that morning to go fishing, 'with the guys', he'd said. She hadn't asked many questions, which she promised herself she would never do again, and now it was long past time when he should have been home. And she had no idea even where to start looking for him.

When the phone rang, she had practically jumped across the room to answer it, banging her foot hard on a chair. "Damn it!" she muttered, under her breath. She picked up the receiver. "Deacon?" she said, her voice shaking.

"No, sweetheart, it's me." She almost started crying when she heard Tandy's voice. "Rayna, is something going on with Deacon?"

She shook her head. "No," she said, struggling to regain her composure. She was tired of Tandy's negativity about Deacon and she wasn't going to get into this with her. She cleared her throat. "I was just waiting for him to call."

"You sound upset," Tandy pressed.

"I'm not upset, Tandy," she said, tightly.

"You sound like you've been crying, not like you were just waiting for him to call," Tandy said, persistently. "Is he drinking again?"

Rayna breathed in. "Tandy, I'm going to hang up. Please don't call me back, because I'm waiting to hear from Deacon." And then she hung up the phone. She couldn't decide what to do next. She had no idea where Deacon would have gone. Tandy had said out loud her biggest fear, forced her to consider it. Finally, she picked up her purse and got in her car, heading for the bars he liked to go to. The record deal had really bothered him and, while she hoped it hadn't led to him falling off the wagon, she didn't know where else to start.

* * *

She didn't find Deacon, but she did find out that 'the guys' he'd gone fishing with was just Vince. She was still scared, because he hadn't been at any of the bars she'd checked and no one there had seen him, but she was also angry, because she was sure he'd failed to mention he was only going off with Vince because he knew she'd know that meant he was drinking.

It was well after midnight when the phone rang. She jumped up from the couch, groggy and unfocused from dozing off. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the cobwebs and then raced for the phone. "Hello?" She nearly shouted into the receiver.

"Is this Mrs. Claybourne?" The woman's voice seemed crisp and professional.

"Yes, yes it is," she said, trying to settle herself. "Who is this?"

"This is Luella McCoy at Stonecrest Hospital emergency room. Your husband is Deacon Claybourne?"

She felt like she was going to hyperventilate, so she forced herself to breath. _He's in the hospital? What the hell happened?_ "Yes, yes, Deacon. Is he okay?" Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in my head.

"Apparently he was in a car accident sometime yesterday and they were just found and brought here."

She cleared her throat. "Is he okay?" she repeated, thinking the woman on the phone hadn't heard her.

"He's very banged up. He has a concussion and a nasty cut on his leg. He's also dehydrated and disoriented."

She kept breathing, trying to stay calm and keep from overreacting. "Wh…where is the hospital?" she whispered.

"We're in Smyrna." She paused. "He's okay to go home," she said, her voice softening. "Do you want to come pick him up?" Rayna nodded, unable to speak. "Ma'am?" the nurse asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry," she said, choking back a sob. "I'll be there as soon as I can." She put her arm around her waist and bent forward slightly, feeling overwhelmed. "Wait, what's the name of the hospital again?" she asked.

"Stonecrest. We're right off 24 East on Stonycrest Boulevard. I'll let him know you're on your way."

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you." She hung up the phone and breathed in slowly, trying to calm herself down. As relieved as she felt to know he was okay, she was still angry as hell.

* * *

She washed her face and changed clothes and drove to a convenience store that was open all night. She bought a map and then sat in the car, figuring out on the map how to get to the hospital. Then she headed for the highway.

When she got to the hospital emergency room, she parked the car. It was a small hospital in a pretty rural area south of Nashville. They had been down in this area before, playing at some local joint, but she couldn't remember the name of the place. She sat in the car for a few minutes, taking some deep breaths to calm her nerves before she went in.

Finally she got out of the car and walked to the emergency room entrance. She walked up to the front desk. A pleasant looking older female nurse looked up and smiled. "Hey there. Can I help you?"

She put on her performance face. "I got a call that Deacon Claybourne was here?" she said, trying to stay calm.

The nurse looked down at the paperwork on her desk, then back up at Rayna. "Yes, ma'am. You're his wife?"

"Yes," she said.

"This way," the nurse said, gesturing for Rayna to follow her. As they walked, the nurse gave her an update. "He was in a lot of pain, but he's conscious now. We gave him a painkiller and got him something to eat and drink and that's helped a lot." Rayna was just nodding as she walked with her. The nurse looked gave her an understanding smile. "He was worried that you were worried about him." _I'll bet he was._ "I know he's ready to go home."

They stopped at a curtained off area and the nurse pulled the curtain aside. Deacon was laying on the bed, his face bruised and cut, a bandage around his right hand and the right leg of his jeans slit up above his knee to reveal a large gauze bandage on the front of his leg under his knee. Rayna swallowed hard, relieved he wasn't any worse off. Deacon opened his eyes then. When he saw Rayna, his eyes were sad and he had that little boy look he got when he felt hurt, physically or emotionally.

The nurse patted Rayna's arm and left. Rayna watched her walk away, then turned back to Deacon. His eyes were filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry, Ray," he started.

She took a deep breath, anger rising like bile in her throat. "What the hell happened, Deacon?" she asked, not moving from where she stood at the end of the bed.

He shook his head a little. "I'm not exactly sure," he said. "Me and Vince were headed back home and we stopped to get something to drink." She rolled her eyes. He frowned. "I'm not sure what happened then, but I guess Vince drove off the road into a ditch."

She walked up to stand next to him. He reached for her hand, but she stepped back one step. "Don't touch me," she hissed.

He dropped his hand and looked like he might cry. "I'm sorry, Ray. I swear."

She clenched her fists. "You're always sorry, Deacon. And yet, here we are." She tried not to raise her voice, which was hard, considering how furious she was. "Look, let's just get you out of here. We'll deal with this later." She turned and walked back towards the front desk. The nurse looked up. "What do I need to do to take him home?" she asked.

The nurse smiled. "We've got his discharge paperwork all ready. You'll just need to go down there" – she gestured down the hall – "to the cashier to settle up." She handed Rayna the paperwork. "There's a prescription in here too, for painkillers, should he need them."

She smiled and nodded, putting the prescription in her purse. "Thank you." She walked back to where Deacon was and he was already out of the bed, just standing there. She looked at him and just shook her head. "Let's go."

* * *

Deacon followed Rayna out to the car, not saying a word. When they had gotten in and closed the doors, the smell of stale whiskey and sweat nearly overwhelmed her. She started the car and let the window down.

"Rayna," he started.

She looked over at him. "Please don't talk to me right now, Deacon," she said. He got that hurt look in his eyes, looking down and then out the passenger window. She shook her head, then headed out of the parking lot.

As they drove back to Nashville, a wave of emotions rushed over her. Relief that he was okay, anger that he'd let this happen, fear that this might happen again, only worse next time. She could feel a headache coming on. This was worse than the fight he'd gotten into in Clarksville or any of the other times he was so drunk she'd had to drag him into the house. This really wasn't how she wanted to live her life. _Something has to change._

When they got back to the apartment, she got out of the car and stormed up to the house, Deacon trailing behind her. She knew he was struggling a little coming up the steps, but she forced herself to keep going and not help him. She just wanted to crawl into bed and cry. She was so afraid for him, for herself, for both of them.

She threw her purse down on the coffee table and then turned to watch him come in. He was limping and he looked miserable. There was a small part of her that wanted to go take care of him, but she was too angry at him. When he shut the door, she let loose. "What the hell were you thinking, Deacon?" she shouted. "How could you let this happen? You'd been sober for so long and now this."

He looked at her pitifully and spread his hands wide. "I don't know, baby. All this business with the record and all that. I let you down, I know. All we did was stop someplace just to get something to drink and, I don't know, I didn't mean to drink…."

"Stop!" she cried, shaking her head. "Just stop!" He took a deep breath as he stared at her. "Don't you get it, Deacon? I was afraid you were _dead_! You've been gone for almost twenty-four hours! I had no idea where you were or even how to find you. I had no idea what to do." She burst into tears, the fear and terror taking over. Deacon walked over, trying to take her in his arms, but she pushed him back. "Don't! I'm so mad at you right now. I can hardly even look at you."

He looked miserable. "I'm so sorry, baby," he murmured.

She raised up her arms and then flung them down again. "I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry' one more time, Deacon. You have to stop this. You have _got_ to be serious about staying sober. Don't you get it?"

He nodded. "I do. I promise, I'll stop. I promise, Ray."

She put her hands over her face, the tears still coming. She wasn't sure, anymore, if he could stop on his own and, if he couldn't, she was afraid of what would happen next. He tried reaching for her again but she stepped back. "Please don't," she sobbed. "I can't do this right now." She looked at him then. "Do you have any idea how scared I was?" she asked. "Do you?" He looked devastated. She sighed. "I'm going to bed. You can sleep out here." He nodded. Then she turned and headed for the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

She changed into a t-shirt and gym shorts and crawled into bed. It was almost dawn but she was exhausted. She could feel her tears soaking the pillow and finally felt some of the anger leave her. She had been terrified, had felt completely out of control. She was angry that he'd started drinking again. And then she realized she'd never asked how he felt or checked out his injuries, and that broke her heart. She was grateful he was okay and alive, but she really didn't know what to do. Nothing in her life so far had really prepared her for this.

When the door opened, she stiffened. "I can't do this right now, Deacon," she said, not turning to look at him.

He was quiet at first. Then he said, "I know. I just wanted to take a shower."

She nodded. "Okay." She heard him shuffle into the bathroom, then shut the door. The light came on and she turned the other way to keep the light under the door from getting in her eyes. She could hear the water turn on and she just lay there, breathing deeply. She heard him groan and assumed it was from his injuries.

 _I just want him to be okay. To be the Deacon he was when I first met him. When he was loving and gentle, not like this. Not angry and hurt and chased by demons._

He was in the bathroom for a long time. When he finally came out, he stood at the open door for a moment. "I'm sorry, Ray," he said, quietly. "I really do promise I won't let that happen again."

She didn't turn to look at him. "I can't do this again, Deacon," she said, with a sigh. "I don't ever want to be that scared again. The thought of losing you… I just can't do it."

He came and sat on the edge of the bed next to her and she moved to face him then. She looked up at him and, as the rising sun started to lighten the darkness in the room, she could see the pain in his eyes. "I don't ever wanna hurt you like that again, baby," he said. "I get that I scared you. And I don't wanna do that again. I promise I'm gonna get back on track. I'm so, so sorry, baby."

She sat up, pulling her knees up to her chest. She looked into his eyes. "I couldn't bear it, Deacon. I just really couldn't." She felt like she couldn't breathe as she stared at him. _I love him. In spite of everything, I love him._ She wanted to believe in him. She wanted him to be strong, for both of them. As though he could hear her thoughts, he dropped the towel he had in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her. At first the kiss was gentle, not much more than a brush across her lips. But he tugged at her lip and he reached for her, his hands at her waist. And then she opened her mouth to his and put her hands on his shoulders and let him kiss away her anger.

He pushed her back against the pillow and moved to stretch out next to her, not taking his lips off hers. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him on top of her, being careful of his injuries. And she let him touch her and promise her with his words and his body that he wouldn't do this again, that he'd be better, that he would always be there to love her. And because she wanted that so badly, she let herself believe it.

 **Deacon**

He hated disappointing her. More than anything, he hated disappointing her. He wished he were stronger, like her. He wished he were able to fight off his demons, stay the course, be the man she wanted, the man she needed. When he was lying in that hospital bed, waiting for her, all he could think about was doing better. Trying harder. Making her proud.

He had wanted that record to be something. He had wanted to be able to stand next to her and be proud of what he'd accomplished. Instead, he felt like he'd just disappointed her all over again. And when that happened, he just wanted the whiskey to take away the memory, take away the pain. It was the only way he knew how to make it go away. Except that when the whiskey wore off, the memories came back. There never seemed to be enough whiskey to make the demons that chased him go away for good.

* * *

He woke up the next morning and his head was pounding. His leg burned from the cut. When he rolled over onto his hand, he yelped in pain. He looked at Rayna's side of the bed and it was empty. He felt a sense of panic race through him. She'd been so angry. She'd hardly spoken to him. And although they'd made love, he knew it didn't change how she felt. He scrambled out of the bed and then grabbed the dresser, as the room seemed to tilt. His head kept pounding. He made his way out of the bedroom and he breathed a sigh of relief when he found her in the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen table.

She looked up when he walked in. "You want some coffee?" she asked, her voice and expression neutral. He nodded and she got up and walked over to the coffeemaker.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said. "I promise I'll get back on track. I'll go to a meeting today, get back on it."

She brought the coffee back and set it on the table, along with some aspirin. "Yeah, I think a meeting is a good start," she said. She sat down across from him. "But, honestly, Deacon? I'm tired of the sorry's. I'm tired of the promises that you don't keep. Rehab was supposed to be the wake-up call and get you on the right track. And now it feels like we're back where we started."

He shook his head. "That ain't true, baby. This was just a slip-up. Just a one-time thing." He knew that wasn't really true, but he didn't want to tell her that. "I just felt bad that record deal didn't work out. I wanted you to be proud of me."

She sighed. "Deacon, you don't have to do that for me to be proud of you. You know, that was a really great record. In spite of everything, it's really good. It's just too bad that the right people weren't involved in that. But it doesn't change how I feel about you."

He looked down at the coffee mug in his hands. "I just wanted to do that," he murmured. He looked back up at her. "I don't want to disappoint you, Rayna. I don't wanna end up losing you."

She looked at him sadly. "Deacon, I'm not walking away. You're my _husband_. I promised to stand by you, for better or worse. But I really need for you to make this sober thing work. You remember how it was, when it got bad, and you missed rehearsals and performances and you messed up on stage. I can't have you doing that. I'll help you get better, but you need to stay that way. Do you understand?"

He worked his lip. "I'm just the person who disappoints you," he said.

"That's not true," she said. "Yes, you've disappointed me, but that's not who I see when I look at you." She reached across the table for his hand. "Babe, I love you. I _need_ you. When I look at you, I see my family, my partner, my true love. I just need you to keep trying."

He felt tears welling up in his eyes. More than anything, he wanted to feel worthy of her. "Baby, I'm the luckiest guy in the world, to have you. I'm done with everything 'cept supporting you. I just wanna be right there, next to you."

She smiled. "That's all I want, Deacon. I want us to do this together. Fight together. I've told you before, I couldn't do this without you. I wouldn't be doing this without you." She got up and walked around the table, sitting in his lap. "I love you, Deacon," she said. "I believe in you."

He put his arms around her and kissed her. He slid his hand up under her t-shirt, feeling the softness of her skin. He could feel her fingers against the back of his neck. When he reached her bare breast, though, she jumped up. "No," she said, shaking her head. "I need you to do what you said. Go to a meeting. In fact, I'm going to take you. So go take a shower and get dressed. I need you to get back on track _today_."

He looked up at her and prayed he could do it. For her. For Rayna.


	7. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

I took a break but the break is over. Thanks.


	8. 1995

_**A/N: I know it's been a while since I've posted, so just a reminder – this is an AU version of Deacon and Rayna's story. A lot of what we know about them will still happen, but in different ways. These next few years will be difficult ones still, but will play out a little differently.**_

 **Rayna**

"Deacon! Deacon!" she cried, as she tried to stop his thrashing. He was mumbling incoherently, rolling back and forth in bed. She knew it was a nightmare, something he'd had for most of the time she'd known him, but they seemed to be getting worse. When his mother had passed away, right after the first of the year, she'd hoped all that would be behind him. But, if anything, it seemed to have made it worse.

His eyes flew open, wild and crazed, seeming to look right past her. He was breathing hard. He finally turned towards her and his expression turned from one of fear to one of defeat. "Deacon," she murmured softly. "It's okay. You're here. With me." He was still struggling to breathe normally, but he buried his head in her chest, holding onto her. She leaned her head against his and rubbed his back. "It's okay," she kept saying. But she knew it probably wasn't okay at all. This time it was a nightmare, but she was afraid the next time it would be something else. It seemed like he was headed back into the cycle and she didn't know how to stop it.

* * *

They were doing a show at one of the nightclubs at the newly opened casino in Tunica. Rayna was nervous. There was too much temptation with liquor available so freely on the casino floor. Since the accident he and Vince had had, Deacon had been working hard at staying sober. He went to meetings regularly, but she knew he sometimes met Vince at one of the bars near their house. She felt like she was walking a fine line between keeping an eye on him and not hovering. They'd had a number of arguments about how closely she monitored him and he chafed at the feeling she was keeping him on a short leash.

She had a meeting with Bucky and some of the local program directors in the afternoon before their gig that evening. She and Deacon were lying in bed. She had been dozing lightly when she felt his hand trail across her hip. She felt him hard against her lower back and was instantly aware of the fullness between her legs. She made a little noise and he leaned into her neck. She first felt the heat of his breath and then the tip of his tongue danced at the little place behind her ear that he knew drove her wild. She shivered and moaned involuntarily.

He pushed against her and she lifted her top leg and looped it back over his, opening herself up. He moved her slightly, then entered her, and she let out a long groan as she felt him start to move inside her. "Oh, babe," she whispered, as his hand drifted up to cup one of her breasts. Her breathing got more ragged and she could hear him panting behind her. Then, suddenly, she exploded inside and she was saying, over and over, "Oh, Deacon. Oh my God, Deacon." His movements became more jerky and frantic and then he cried out as well and then collapsed around her.

When her breathing had returned to normal, she peered at the clock on the bedside table. "Oh, my God!" she cried, pushing away from him and jumping out of the bed. "I've only got forty-five minutes to get ready!" She ran into the bathroom and took a quick shower.

When she was ready to leave, he was sitting in the bed, propped up against the headboard, the sheet pulled up to his waist. He smirked. "Now we know you really can get ready fast," he said.

She stood in front of the mirror and quickly ran a curling iron through her hair. "Shut up," she said, with a smile. He watched as she finished her hair and then she pulled the front back and secured it with a barrette. She reached for her necklace on the counter and reached behind her neck to fasten it.

"You look pretty, baby," he said. She turned to look at him. His eyes were soft and filled with love as he gazed at her.

She ran her hands down over the dress she had on and then smiled. "Thanks, babe," she said. She furrowed her brow just a little. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?" She didn't really like leaving him, but she knew it was boring for him to sit waiting for her at a meeting.

He frowned. "I'll be fine, Rayna," he said, tersely.

She walked over and sat on the bed next to him. "I know you will," she said. She leaned forward and put her hand on his chest, giving him a brief kiss. "Just remember, when I come back we'll need to go to sound check."

His eyes had an angry flash to them. "I _know_ , Rayna," he said. She sighed. They'd had way too many arguments like this, so she decided not to go down that path this time.

She got up from the bed and walked over to the door. She turned back to look at him. "I'll see you later," she said. He didn't say a word and she picked up a door key and walked out.

* * *

The meeting with the program directors went longer than she'd expected and then Bucky insisted on having a conference call with Dan Eagle. She hurried back to the room to get Deacon. When she opened the door, the drapes were still drawn. The light beside the bed was on, but it cast just a low light in the room. Deacon was sprawled on the bed on his stomach. Her own stomach dropped as she saw the bottle of whiskey and the partially filled glass on the bedside table. Deacon was snoring and she knew he was passed out.

She walked over to the bed. "Deacon, hey," she said. She kneeled on the bed and put her hands on his back. "Come on, babe, we gotta go." She shook him gently, hoping he wasn't too drunk. "Come on, babe, we got a gig. Come on. Let's go." She shook him again. Then she leaned over him, reaching for his shoulder. She pulled hard. "Come on, Deacon," she cried. She pulled again, even harder, and as he rolled onto his side, his arm swung back, catching her on the side of her face. "Oh!" she cried out, stepping back, reaching her hand up to cover the side of her face where it stung from the blow. Deacon had flopped back onto his stomach and she knew there was no way she was getting him up.

She wanted to cry. The side of her face hurt. But she needed to get going, especially now that they'd have to figure out a replacement for Deacon. She stood for a minute, breathing in and out, waving her hand in front of her face to keep from crying. She went over to the mirror and leaned in. She gasped as she saw the redness where he'd hit her and she could tell there would be a bruise. She sighed. There wasn't much she could do, so she'd just have to hope it wasn't too noticeable.

She took a last look at Deacon. She hesitated a second, then walked over and picked up the bottle and the glass. She poured out what was left into the bathroom sink and then tossed both the bottle and the glass in the trash. Then she left the room, letting the door slam behind her.

* * *

When she came back, Deacon looked like he hadn't moved. She felt the tears well up. They had scrambled to rework the set list and had pressed the other guitar player into service as lead guitar. She could tell a difference in the way the songs played, but she knew no one in the audience could. She did explain they couldn't perform the new duet, because Deacon was sick, and she'd nearly choked on the words. Bucky had noticed the mark next to her eye and had asked her about it, but she had waved him off. It was tender to the touch though.

She walked over to the bathroom mirror and turned on the light. Deacon made a noise. She glanced over at him in the reflection of the mirror, but he didn't wake up. She sighed and leaned in to look at her face. There would definitely be a bruise and it made her want to cry again. She knew he had not done it on purpose, but it was just one more consequence of his drinking.

She washed her face, being gentle around her left eye, and then changed into a nightgown. She turned out the bathroom light, then walked around the bed and turned off the bedside lamp. She went back to the other side of the bed and slid in gently, so as not to disturb him. She turned on her side, with her back to him, and felt the tears slide silently down her face to dampen the pillow.

She couldn't believe they were back to this again.

 **Deacon**

Deacon met Coleman outside the church where the AA meeting was being held. Cole put his hand out as he approached. "Hey, there, Deacon," he said. "How's it going?"

Deacon sighed. "Not so good, Cole." Then he shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's been tough finding steady ground lately."

"How come?"

Deacon shrugged and looked off to the side. "Things are going great for Rayna, you know? She's opening on big name tours, she's got songs on the radio, albums selling like crazy." He looked at Cole. "Her last album went gold. She's really killing this thing, like I knew she would. She's even getting headliner stuff at smaller venues." He breathed out. "And all I do is disappoint her."

"It's not easy, Deacon. We both know that. But you gotta really want it. Do you want it?"

Deacon turned back and looked at Cole, dead in the eyes. "Yeah, I do. But, you know, there's all kinda stuff going on in the background…." He looked down at his boots. He'd been devastated when he'd seen the bruise beside Rayna's eye. She kept telling him it was an accident, but it felt like he was treading too close to old memories. He had promised her he'd never let that happen again.

Cole put a hand on his shoulder. "Well, come on, let's go in. Maybe get up and talk about it today. That might help."

* * *

Deacon could feel Cole's eyes on him. Every time someone finished talking, he could feel the quiet urging. He hated getting up in front of the room, though. He didn't mind so much the round robin when they were all seated, but standing up front, well, that was usually because you needed to speak some kind of truth and have it matter. For someone who could write a song in no time, he struggled with speaking in public, especially off the cuff. Rayna was so good at that. She could talk to anyone and make them feel like they were friends. It amazed him every time he saw it. It was one of the reasons they were together at all – she had essentially taken the lead on them getting to know each other back in the beginning.

Cole cleared his throat. Deacon gave him a side-eye, then pushed himself up from his chair and walked to the front of the room. Most people just stood in front of the chairs, all arranged in rows, but he needed something to keep his knees from buckling under him and to steady his shaking hands. So he walked behind the podium and stood there for a minute, gripping the sides tightly. He could feel a trickle of sweat down his back. He breathed in and out. He could see Cole's eyes, encouraging him.

Finally he spoke. "I'm on day thirteen. Again. Feels like I been restarting for months. Which I have, actually." He breathed out, trying to steady his voice. "I went to rehab I don't even remember how long ago now. I'm sure my wife knows though." He ducked his head a second, then looked back out over the group in front of him. "She's been nothing but supportive, but I'm having trouble making this stick, and I know I'm disappointing her. It ain't just that I'm doing it for _her_ , but I want to be the man she needs. She deserves that." He breathed out. "It's been a tough few months. My mom died. That was hard in some ways, because she was my mom, but I also can't forget how she didn't protect us, my sister and me. I know it ain't all on her, but when you're little, you expect your mama to keep you safe. And she couldn't. So I got mixed feelings. And my sister, well, she's got her own problems, all because of the way we was raised. We're all kind of screwed up." He bit his lip, as tears welled up in his eyes. "I don't know how I got so lucky to have this angel come into my life, but she believes in me and I keep letting her down. I don't wanna do that no more. So I'm saying it out loud, that I'm gonna be committed to this, to staying sober, so I can be worthy of that." He breathed in. "She's everything to me." His throat closed up then and he knew he wouldn't be able to get any more words out without completely breaking down, so he stopped. He nodded, patting the sides of the podium, and then he walked back to where he was sitting.

* * *

He made it to day seventy-two. He was doing some session guitar work for Vince Gill during a break in Rayna's touring schedule. Maybe it was because they had worked so hard for so long before Rayna got her shot, they didn't know any other way to be than busy. With her touring and the success of her music, as well as the money coming in from their songwriting, they were finally in a position to breathe. They made a decision to buy the house they were renting and they could afford to furnish the cabin. He wanted to continue to work, though, so had taken the session gigs as a way to not only bring income in, but to keep his skills sharp and improve his standing in the music community.

He had packed up his guitar and was walking out of the studio, when he ran into Luke Wheeler. He hadn't thought much about Luke since that time he and Rayna had run into him at the Bluebird. He'd seen him around some, on the fair and festival circuit they were both on, but had not talked to him again. He hoped maybe Luke wouldn't see him, but that turned out not to be the case.

"Hey there, Deacon Claybourne!" Luke called out. Deacon turned to look at him. Luke had a friendly smile on his face, his hand lifted in a wave.

Deacon stopped and waited for Luke to walk over. "Luke Wheeler," he said, taking the hand Luke offered. "It's been a while."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, yeah it has." He looked around. "You and Rayna recording here?"

Deacon shook his head. "Nah. I'm doing some session work for Vince Gill. Rayna's on a tour break."

"She's done really well, hasn't she?" Luke chuckled a little. "We've come a long way from the festival circuit, haven't we?"

Deacon really wanted to leave. "Yep, we have."

"Well, it was cool to see you, buddy," Luke said. Deacon nodded and started to walk away. Then Luke said, "Let Rayna know I'm always available for fill ins if she needs it."

Deacon stopped and turned back, frowning. "What?" he asked.

Luke looked a little embarrassed. "Ah, it was nothing."

Deacon took two steps back towards him. "When were you a fill in?" he asked, his voice tense.

Luke held his hands up and shrugged. "You know, I don't even remember. I think you were kind of under the weather and I offered to help her out. Just the once."

Deacon wanted to punch him, but he kept his cool, breathing in and out. "Just the once," he repeated. He breathed out hard. "Okay then." He turned and walked out of the studio. He wondered just when Luke would have filled in for him and why Rayna had never told him.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was sitting on the couch. The sun was just starting to come up. She wiped at her face, but the tears had long since dried on her cheeks. Her eyes burned, both from the crying and the fact that she'd hardly slept. Her stomach hurt and she felt nauseous. Her head was pounding. She was exhausted – had been exhausted for days, weeks, months – but she couldn't sleep. She wondered sometimes if this was what Lorrie Morgan had gone through. It didn't feel exactly the same, but she knew how it felt to try anything to protect the man you loved. To keep him safe.

She had watched things go downhill, ever since that day he'd come home and asked her about Luke Wheeler.

 _She was sitting on the couch when he came home, working on song ideas in her notebook. When he walked in, she put the notebook aside and smiled. "Hey, babe. How'd it go?" She was pleased he'd been asked to do session guitar work. With his renewed commitment to sobriety, she knew he needed to stay active and engaged, and this had really seemed to work for him. They'd be going back out on the road soon, but she had enjoyed seeing his excitement._

 _He looked at her, his expression odd, which immediately worried her. He set his guitar case down and came to sit on the couch. He sat at the end of the couch, not touching her, just looking at her for a moment. He breathed in and then he put his fingers to his mouth, as though he were thinking about what to say. He raised his eyebrows. "So just when did Luke Wheeler have to fill in for me?" he asked, putting emphasis on 'fill in'._

 _She frowned. "What?" It seemed so random. It had been so long ago and, frankly, she'd forgotten all about it._

 _He raised his eyebrows. "He just happened to mention that he'd filled in for me. When I was 'under the weather'. How come I never heard about that?"_

 _She caught her breath. "It was a long time ago, Deacon. Back before you went to rehab. And it was just the one time."_

 _He just looked at her for a moment. "And he just happened to be there?" he asked then._

 _She felt a cold chill. "Yeah. He was going on after us." She swallowed. "Deacon, I couldn't find you. I was in a bind."_

 _He got up then and walked out of the house. She chased after him, but he shook her off, getting into his truck and taking off. She ran back in the house for her keys and finally tracked him down, but not before he'd already made a dent in a bottle of whiskey. She got him home and they argued, until they'd finally fallen into bed together, the way things often ended between them._

These days, though, he seemed to be spiraling out of control. She'd lost count of all the times she'd pulled him out of a hotel room or a bar, unsure of whether he was just wasted or was dead. She'd had to pick him up from jail twice, once for a DUI and once for a fight he got into. She pulled her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She could feel herself shaking.

She'd protected him. No one but Bucky really knew what was going on with him. When he missed a show, she would say he was sick. When he messed up on stage, she'd cover for him. Over and over he would apologize, promise to do better. And he would, for a while, but then he'd spiral right back down. It was as though he couldn't help himself and she couldn't figure out a way to help him either.

The other thing that scared her was that she was late. Five days late. She told herself it was the stress, but she'd never been late before. As much as she wanted a family, she found herself praying to God that she wasn't pregnant. It was more than she could deal with. Just then the bedroom door opened and she looked up. Deacon walked out, looking rough. He shuffled over to the couch and sat down next to her. She nearly gagged on the smell of stale whiskey, puke, and sweat.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said. She turned to look at him. His skin was pale and dull, his eyes bloodshot and heavy-lidded. "I know I screwed up."

She looked at him for a moment, without saying anything. She missed the Deacon she loved, with the boyish grin and the sparkle in his eyes. She missed the way his eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled and the way it felt to have his arms around her, holding her close. She sighed. "Yeah, you did," she said. He had stood her up at the studio and then she'd found him passed out in a bar with Vince.

He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. "Please, baby," he murmured. "I promise I'll do better. I won't never do that again."

She bit her lip, wanting to cry. "Actually, yeah, you will, Deacon," she said, wearily. "Because you always do. And I just can't deal with this anymore. The promises, the apologies, the mess-ups. We can't keep doing this over and over again."

He pleaded with her. "I promise, baby. I'll do better. I'll go to meetings. I promise."

She hugged her legs tighter and shook her head. "No, you won't." She put her head down on her knees for a moment, then turned to look at him. "I called Riverside. They've got a spot and I can take you tomorrow."

"No, Rayna, please," he begged.

She sat up, sliding her legs down. She put her hands on either side of her hips, pressing down hard on the couch. "Yes, Deacon," she said firmly. "I just can't do this with you anymore."

 **Deacon**

When he woke up, he turned his head. She was lying next to him, on her side, her eyes open. He breathed in and rolled on his side towards her. "You been watching me all night?" he asked. She'd done it before, but he wasn't angry this time, just sad.

She smiled slightly. "No. Just for a little bit." She reached out and laid her hand on his cheek. "Just watching you breathe."

He sighed. "I'm sorry you gotta do that," he said. Tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm such a screw-up, baby. I wish there was some other way."

She scooched over closer to him. "Here's what I think," she said, running her index finger down his cheek. "I think you're gonna go do this and you'll remember where you went wrong this time and figure out how not to do that again. It's a second chance, babe, to get it really right. And I know you can do it. I have _faith_ in you."

He wanted to do this for her. More than anything. "I love you, Rayna," he said.

"I love you, Deacon," she responded. Then she slid over, putting her arm around his waist and leaning in to kiss him. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing her hungrily. She pulled her lips from his and looked into his eyes. "Love me," she whispered. "Love me until we have to leave."

* * *

They stood at the reception desk. Rayna held tight to his hand, tears in her eyes. "Don't leave me here, Ray," he said, suddenly not wanting to walk away from her.

She reached up with her free hand and laid it on his cheek. "I have to," she said, looking into his eyes. "You can do this, babe. I know you can." She rose up on her toes and kissed him. "I'll see you soon."

He breathed in, his chest hurting. He suddenly pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "I promise, baby," he whispered in her ear. "I'm gonna do this."

"I know," she said, her voice muffled. She looked back up at him. "I believe in you, Deacon."

And then he had to leave her. He walked down the hallway with the aide. He turned just before they went through the doors and she was still standing there, watching him. He gave her one final smile, mustering up a confidence he didn't quite feel. And then he walked through the doors and away from her.

 **Rayna**

Rayna walked slowly out of the treatment center and across the parking lot to her car. She narrowed her eyes when she spotted the black Cadillac idling behind it. The back door opened and Lamar got out. She walked up and stood about a foot away from him. "What are you doing here, Daddy?" she asked.

He ignored her question, squinting a little against the sunlight. "It's not too late to admit you've made a mistake, Rayna," he said. "This is the second time you've put him in rehab. What makes you think he'll make it work this time?"

"I believe in him, Daddy," she said, flatly. "I have faith in him. You don't even know him."

He raised his eyebrows. "I know enough, Rayna. I know he's an alcoholic, likely to always struggle with his demons. I know you try to keep that hidden away, to keep it from soiling your reputation. What does that say about him? And about you?"

"It means it's no one's business," she said, raising her voice. "Including yours. It means no one has a right to judge what he's been through."

"You're my daughter, Rayna. I care about your happiness."

She narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you. You threw me out of the house, Daddy. That doesn't seem like someone who cares about my happiness." She held up her keys. "I'm going home. I'm going to wait for my husband and then we'll be fine. We don't need you. _I_ don't need you." She turned back towards her car.

"Don't turn away from me, Rayna," Lamar called out.

But she did. She didn't look back as she opened the door to her car and got in. After a minute, the Cadillac slid off and she breathed out. Then she put the key in the ignition and headed for home.

 **Lamar**

Lamar stared out the window, but wasn't really looking at the scenery sliding by. He thought about Rayna, standing there in that treatment center parking lot, some place where a woman of her upbringing should never have been. But Rayna had always had a mind of her own, much like her mother, and she was not easily swayed when her mind was made up. He closed his eyes for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together.

She had chosen irresponsibly, a man with a dark past and a dark nature. A musician. Lamar's eyes opened, with a look of anger, and his jaw tensed. Just like Virginia had chosen a musician with a past. Rayna wouldn't know that, but he saw her going down the same ill-fated path as Virginia. Making the same bad choices, putting herself in harm's way.

Country music had stolen his wife away and he had tried to curtail its influence over his daughter, but she was too strong-willed. Too strong-willed for her own good, if truth be told. She would regret her choices one day, he was sure of that. This musician his daughter had chosen would be the ruin of her, one way or the other, just as the musician his wife had chosen had been the ruin of her.

He kept thinking that if Rayna could see her musician's true colors, she'd abandon him. And this life she'd chosen. But she had certainly proven to be more strong-willed than he'd expected. She seemed determined to go down this path. He sighed, with irritation. If she persisted, then he supposed he'd have to let it play out. But he would be sure she didn't damage herself in the process.

 **Rayna**

The first night was always the hardest. Looking at the bed, without him in it, broke her heart. She wiped at the tears on her cheeks with the heel of her hand and then she changed into a nightgown. She pulled down the covers and crawled into bed, turning out the bedside lamp. She turned on her side and laid her hand on his pillow.

It was always so hard to sleep without him. She missed hearing him breathe. She missed feeling his arms wrapped around her as they slept. She missed his little kisses on her neck and her shoulder as they wound down together. She missed just knowing he was there.

It would be hard, she knew. The second time meant he was less likely to be successful. It scared her to think he might not be able to make this work. But she was determined to help him. She would be there, be his safe place to land, support him, take care of him. He was a part of her, they were so interconnected, and she couldn't imagine her life without him.

She rolled onto her back and put her hand on her stomach. Knowing he was in a safe place, knowing he would be in a place of healing, had seemed to relieve the stress. She breathed in. When she had gotten home, she had discovered she'd started her period. There would be no baby, and that made her a little sad, but it also meant there would be no challenges other than the one he would face to stay sober. And that was enough.

 **Deacon**

When Deacon walked towards the reception area, his eyes picked her out immediately. His emotions were right at the surface and he breathed in deeply. She looked so fragile, standing there, her hands clasped together in front of her. As he got closer, she smiled, and he saw her eyes light up and he felt his anxieties fading away. He walked up to her and set his guitar and duffle on the floor. She looked up at him and bit her lip. Then she took a deep breath and said, "I've missed you." Her voice was thick with emotion.

He put his hand on her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "I missed you too, Ray," he whispered and then he leaned down to kiss her. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer as she kissed him back. Then she seemed to realize where they were and stepped back, a sheepish smile on her face.

"Um, I thought we could go to the cabin for a few days," she said.

He smiled. "I think that's a great idea," he replied. He picked up his things and she slid her hand around his arm as they walked out together. When the sliding doors opened and they stepped outside, he breathed in deeply, glad to be free of the smell of rehab sweat and desperation. When they got to the car and he had thrown his stuff in the trunk, he put his arms around her. "Thank you for sticking by me, Ray," he said.

She frowned a little, but there was still a smile on her face. "What else would I have done, Deacon?" she asked. "You're my husband."

He breathed in to keep the tears away. "But I know people been telling you I ain't worth it. That you'd be better off without someone like me holding you back."

She had her arms around his waist as she looked up at him. "I don't care what anyone else thinks, babe," she said. "I chose you and I would still choose you." She sighed. "We belong together. That's all that matters. I'm in this _with_ you. I'll fight _with_ you."

He hugged her close, smiling up at the sky. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world," he said.

"Let's go then," she said with a grin. "Before it gets too late."

* * *

It was late. He was having trouble sleeping, so he had gotten up quietly so he didn't wake up Rayna and pulled the clothes back on he'd worn that day. He got his guitar and went out on the porch, sitting on the top step, looking out over the lake. He could see the moon and the stars reflected off the water and heard the gentle lapping of the waves. It was still warm and there was a light breeze, fireflies still buzzing around with their little night lights, as Rayna called them.

He ran his fingers over the strings of the guitar, not really playing anything. He leaned his head against the porch post and closed his eyes. _I'm the luckiest guy in the world._ He was, he knew that. Rayna should never have had to send him back to rehab a second time. He should never have let all those dark places take him over. He was married to the finest woman he knew, who loved him the way he loved her. She deserved the best and he was determined he would give that to her, from now on. He'd been given a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it.

He heard her footsteps and he looked up to see her standing at the door, wearing one of his flannel shirts. He smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you up, baby," he said.

"It's okay." She walked over and sat down two steps below him. "What are you playing?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just playing."

"Did you write while you were there?"

He nodded. "Some." He smiled. "I wrote something about this place…and you."

She smiled back at him. "Really? Will you play it for me?"

He nodded and then started to play.

 _Sometimes it feels like I'm so far away / Like everything I love has lost its place / When life gets the best of me, I just close my eyes and see_

 _Fireflies dancing in the yard under the blanket of stars / The sound of that rusty string guitar playing songs we know / And all that I have to do is think one little thought of you / And I'm back home, I'm right back home_

 _Work so long and hard to chase your dreams / Wind up someplace you don't want to be / It's such a lonely road, especially when you know_

 _There's fireflies dancing in the yard, under the blanket of stars / The sound of that rusty string guitar playing songs we know / And all that I have to do, is think one little thought of you / And I'm back home, I'm right back home / I'm back home, yeah I'm right back home_

Rayna leaned her chin on his knee and smiled up at him. "That was beautiful, babe," she said.

He set aside his guitar and pulled her up on the step beside him, wrapping his arms around her. "I thought about being here with you the whole time I was gone. It was the thing that got me through it." He kissed her. "I promise, baby. This time it's gonna work. I won't let stuff get in my way. I'll fight harder."

"And I'll be right there with you, don't forget," she said.

He stood up then, taking her hand and pulling her up with him. Then he led her into the house and back to the bedroom.

 **Rayna**

Deacon had gone to a meeting, like he did every morning. He'd been home for ten weeks and he hadn't missed a day. Rayna was proud of him, but, having gone through this twice, she was careful not to get too comfortable. It was a lot like the first time he'd gone to rehab. His confidence was high. He worked his program hard. She had cleared out every bottle of liquor she could find while he was gone and it had scared her a little to find as much as she had. Most of the bottles were more than half empty, with only a couple that had never been opened. She had poured every bit of the whiskey out and thrown the bottles away.

But he was back to being the Deacon she loved. He was loving and attentive. He laughed again. He was happy. She had postponed the start of her next album, in part because he wasn't there, but her second album had gone gold and they didn't want to stop that momentum just yet. So she and Deacon had been writing and had several solid songs already. But she wanted another ballad, a duet they could sing together. They hadn't been able to come up with anything so far.

She was putting away laundry and saw his notebook on the dresser. Their individual songwriting notebooks weren't off limits, but she usually waited for him to share. But he'd talked about how much writing he'd done in rehab and she wondered if there might be something he hadn't thought was finished enough that might be a place to start.

She took the notebook into the living room and sat down on the couch. She turned to the back, to the later pages, and started to skim what he'd written. She'd looked over several pages, when something caught her eye. She kept reading, but then went back to it, wondering if it was something they could use.

 _The rivers between us are deep / And dark as the secrets we keep / We stand on the shores / Time runnin' by at our feet / The rivers between us are deep_

 _Love has a way of making you pay with your heart / There are kingdoms to keep us apart_

She looked at it, thinking about the meaning. It seemed to speak to her about the struggles they had faced together and the things that tore them apart. She leaned forward and found a pencil on the coffee table. She doodled on the page, drawing a river. The image in her head was of nighttime, and a full moon rising over the river. She thought about how the moon's light would shimmer across the lake at the cabin and she had commented to Deacon before about how fast the moon seemed to rise in the sky and then it would be gone.

Life and love could be so tenuous. She thought about the times she laid in bed waiting for him or prowled the bars looking for him. Trying to keep him safe, trying to hold on to him. She found herself writing, words just seeming to flow from her brain through the pencil onto the paper.

 _Our love is like the moon / Rising too fast, fading too soon / This night will soon be gone / Help me hold on_

She smiled to herself. She thought it could be the chorus. All they needed was the rest of the second verse. Just then, the door opened and Deacon walked in. She looked up and smiled. "Hey, babe," she said. She stuck her pencil in the notebook and closed it on her lap.

"Hey." He walked over and sat down next to her, leaning in for a kiss.

"How was your meeting?" she asked.

He shrugged and smiled just a little. "Okay." He breathed in. "It does help to hear what other people go through. Me and Cole went out for coffee after."

She had been happy when Cole had stepped up to be Deacon's sponsor. As a family friend, she trusted him, and as someone who'd been in recovery a while himself, she knew he could be a real support to Deacon. She smiled. "I'm glad you have him," she said.

He nodded, then looked over and tapped on the notebook. "What you doing?" he asked.

She opened the notebook back up. "I hope you don't mind, but it was just sitting on the dresser and I looked through it. I was hoping maybe you had something that might work for that duet ballad I wanted to do." She smiled apologetically. "I thought maybe a fresh set of eyes might pick up on something." She pointed at the words in the notebook and her penciled in additions. "And I found something I really liked. I sort of added a chorus, but I think there's an unfinished verse here."

He reached over and plucked the notebook from her, reading through the words. He frowned. "It's kinda dark, don't you think?" he asked.

She leaned her head back on the couch and looked at him. "Would you tell me what you were thinking when you wrote it?"

He closed his eyes and breathed in. "I wrote this early on. I hadn't been there long and I guess I was feeling like there was too much between us, too much water under our bridge." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "You know?"

She put her hand over his and nodded. "Yeah. But, you know, we've been together now for seven years, married almost six. We're still pretty young. And we're artists. And we've lived a lot of life. We're passionate people, Deacon, in our music, and in our lives."

He looked at her, sadness in his eyes. "I got dark places, baby," he said. "Probably always will."

She shrugged. "I know that. But it's part of what makes you who you are." She squeezed his hand and smiled. "And you know how some of the best music comes from those dark places. All those things we try to hide from." She pointed her finger at him playfully. "You're the one who taught me that. Speak your truth. Right?"

He started to say something, then stopped and just smirked at her. "Damn, you sure do know how to take my words and use 'em back on me, don't you?"

She smiled and then leaned over and kissed him. "I learned from the best," she said. She nodded her head towards the notebook. "So, what's another line for that verse?"

He looked down at his words, coupled with hers. She saw his brow knitted together as he thought. He closed his eyes, the pencil at his lips. She loved watching him in the creative process. He surely did dig deep down inside and she was always surprised at the depth of what he would come up with. There had been a time, early in their relationship, when she had complained that her life was too good, too privileged, to come up with meaningful lyrics. He had been the one to remind her that she, like everyone else, had pain in her life, hurt and anguish, and that it was a gift, at least as far as songwriting was concerned. Even if she wasn't sure he was right back then, she certainly had more of it now. Maybe not the pain or hurt she'd have wanted, but she did agree that it was there.

He started to write and she leaned over, trying to read his words. When he was done, he handed the notebook to her, then waited to see what she said.

 _There are kingdoms to keep us apart / So we live out our lives in the dark_

When she read the whole thing together, she looked back at him and breathed out. "I think we need music for this," she said.


	9. 1996

**Rayna**

She sat at the sound board with Randy, watching Deacon and her band lay down the music tracks for her next album. They were in Nashville for ten days before they headed out to open for the summer leg of Alan Jackson's tour, and Randy wanted to get at least a couple more songs completed. They were running a little behind due to the six week headlining tour she'd gotten through the Southeast and Mid-Atlantic regions. It had been her first headlining tour and she'd been pleased at how successful it had been. She'd done twenty shows and sold them all out. They were mid-sized venues, so not quite where she wanted to be one day, but it was a great start and the label had been happy. Now that Edgehill Records had merged with Republic Nashville, she was poised to really take off.

 _Bucky stopped by album rehearsal and was practically giddy, she thought. "Hey there, Buck," she said, looking down at him from the stage. She couldn't help but smile at the look on his face. "You look like you've got some big news."_

 _He grinned. Rayna had often said she didn't know what she'd do without Bucky. Next to Deacon, Bucky was her biggest supporter. When Watty had introduced Bucky to her and recommended she hire him as her manager, she had agreed immediately. Bucky had great instincts and a tremendous knowledge of the music business. She trusted him completely, right from the start. He'd become like a sage older brother to her and she valued his friendship and his guidance. "I've got big news, Rayna," he said. "I just heard from Dan and they want to put you on a headlining tour."_

 _She was stunned. "Me?" she squeaked out._

 _Bucky nodded. "Twenty dates. Up to five thousand seat venues."_

 _She gasped. Before she had a chance to say anything, Deacon had grabbed her up in his arms. "Baby, you did it!" he cried._

 _She had her hands over her mouth and she turned to look at him. He had a huge smile on his face. "Oh, my God," she breathed._

It had been exhausting, but exhilarating. The response from the crowds had been amazing and she'd gotten rave reviews. She knew it was just the beginning for her and she was so grateful to everyone who'd believed in her and helped her along the way. She would still be going out on bigger artists' tours, but she knew that now it was only a matter of time before she'd get one of those big tours of her own.

One of the positives about the back-to-back tours had been that it had kept them busy. Deacon was still struggling to stay sober, but staying busy – and being together – helped. As she watched him, she was, again, blown away by his talent. She sat back in her chair and thought about that part of their lives together. Writing together, his touch when it came to the music, it was heaven. It was magic. She remembered how reluctant she'd been, back in the beginning, to listen to his suggestions about her writing. But when she had finally let him in, a whole new world had opened up for her.

Every time they performed 'Already Gone', she thought about the struggle she'd had with letting him see her lyrics and her angry refusal to let him tinker with her words. But he had eventually won her over – wore her down, she'd said back then – and she was able to see that he'd added something special. The songs they'd written together had turned into some of her most popular and most successful songs. And her own songs had gotten better, because she listened to what he said.

They had a magical partnership, both in life and on stage. Even though she often felt exhausted from trying to balance keeping watch over him with not appearing to hover, she couldn't imagine a life without him. And so, when occasionally he would slip, she would mostly overlook it. He was always so remorseful afterwards, and she had to admit that it usually ended with some of the most tender lovemaking, the kind that took her breath away with its sweetness. She loved him more every day and, in her mind, if that meant being ever-vigilant about keeping his life level, it was a small price to pay for all the rest of what she gained.

 **Deacon**

He was sitting at the outdoor bar. The sun had almost disappeared on the horizon. He was on his second whiskey, but he was using every bit of his self-control to sip it instead of take it down in one long swallow, the way he wanted to. He wasn't trying to kid himself that he could drink in moderation, but he had promised Rayna he wouldn't get drunk, that he would cut himself off at two drinks, three max, if he really had to have something. He'd mostly been successful at that. He was able to go long stretches without a drink. As long as he didn't hang out with Vince, he was able to keep his drinking to a minimum when he did.

He'd talked her into this quick jaunt over the border to Mexico. They'd found a little seaside motel that was dirt cheap. They were only staying two nights, which was a good thing, since there wasn't much to do other than drink and sun on the beach. They'd walked along the edge of the Pacific when they arrived. She looked so pretty, the sun warming her skin, the breeze lifting her hair around her face. They held hands as they walked, letting their feet get wet in the ocean. He would stop periodically and kiss her, letting his hands skim her hips and reach down to cup her ass, pressing her against him. She would laugh softly, winding her arms around his neck and letting her fingers tangle up in the hair on the nape of his neck. Her mouth tasted so sweet and her skin was so soft against his and her curves fit against his edges so perfectly.

He breathed in sharply and took another sip of the whiskey. He looked around and frowned just a bit. _Where is she?_ And then finally, he saw her. She was wearing that white sundress he liked, the one that showed off her cleavage. She'd piled her hair up on top of her head, letting little wisps dance around her ears and neck in that sexy way he liked. She was smiling and every head in the bar turned to look at her. She nodded at people as she made her way towards him. She looked so incredibly sexy and he couldn't help but feel proud that she was his. That no matter who else looked at her, that he was the one who got to take her to bed, who got to kiss her mouth and touch her skin and be inside her.

When she got to where he was sitting, she laid her clutch bag on the bar and stepped just to where his knees where. She put one hand on his leg, sliding it up almost to the top of his thigh. Her lips were curved in a tiny smile, her eyes dark. "Hey, there," she said, her voice low and smooth as caramel. She reached for his glass and lifted it to her lips, making a show of it, and took a sip. Then she set the glass back down and ran her tongue over her lips. He drew in a sharp breath.

"What took you so long?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She shrugged, a lazy movement. She looked away for a second, then back. "I had to take care of something," she said. "You know how that is." She raised an eyebrow. "You've been waiting for me?"

He looked at her. "I knew you'd come."

She took a step forward and leaned into his ear. "You think you know me?"

He grabbed her wrist and smirked. "I know you better than you know yourself," he growled.

She laughed softly. "You _think_ you know me. But you don't know everything."

He raised his eyebrows. "You'll have to show me then."

She smiled. "Maybe later. First, buy me a drink." She turned towards the bar, leaning provocatively against it. He let his index finger lightly slide up her leg. She turned to him. "Drink first."

He ordered her a drink and kept sipping his. She tipped the glass up and let the whiskey slide down her throat. He raised an eyebrow at her, then ordered her another. When she'd finished the second, he leaned over. "Had enough?" he whispered.

She looked at him and breathed in. "You're just too handsome for your own good," she said, taking his hand. She picked up her purse and then led him out of the bar. When they got to the room, she pulled the key out of her purse. He slid his hand up the back of her thigh and under her dress, which is when he discovered she wasn't wearing panties.

He pressed her against the door and leaned into her neck. "You are a very bad girl," he growled. He slid his fingers between her legs and inside her and she gasped. She started to moan softly and he whispered, "Open the door, Ray." She arched her back slightly, pressing her hands against the door, and made a little noise. He pressed more firmly against her. "Open the door."

"Oh, God," she murmured, fumbling with the key. Finally she was able to get it in the door and he let her go, as she stumbled into the room in front of him. When he shut the door behind him, she turned and grabbed his belt and started working on unfastening it.

He grinned at her. "You are a very, very bad girl," he said, as he unbuttoned his shirt. "But this is gonna be a very good song."

 **Watty**

He stood on the side stage in Memphis, watching Rayna's show. He smiled as she finished up an up-tempo version of 'Already Gone'. He liked how it sounded and thought again that Deacon was a master arranger. His smile faded then and he put one arm around his waist and lifted the other hand to his mouth, as he watched the two of them on stage. Deacon looked okay to him, but he knew, based on the little bit that Rayna had told him, appearances could be deceiving where Deacon was concerned.

He thought back to when he'd put the two of them together. He'd seen Deacon perform at an open mic and thought he was an outstanding guitar player. He was, in Watty's opinion, an average singer, but his songs had something special about them. Deacon was young, but the visual imagery he could evoke in his lyrics spoke of someone much older, with a lot more life lived. When he learned more about Deacon's background, he understood. Some of the most beautiful lyrics could come from the darkest places and the toughest pain.

Rayna needed someone like Deacon, professionally, to fill in the places where she needed help. He'd been surprised when he saw her at an open mic, not knowing that Virginia's daughter was interested in music. He knew Virginia filled her life with music and that she had encouraged both her daughters to love it too. But until he saw her daughter up on stage, he hadn't known she'd been able to pass that on.

Watching Rayna on the stage made him think about Virginia. She'd been gone almost thirteen years. Rayna had just turned twelve, he remembered. Virginia had stayed in Nashville long enough for that _. I can't stay here anymore, Watty, I just can't. But I can't have my baby girl sad on her birthday._ He breathed in. He missed her. There had never been anyone else quite like Virginia Jaymes Wyatt. He'd been waiting for her, in that hotel in Knoxville where she was supposed to meet him, but she had never arrived. He had thought she'd decided she couldn't leave her girls after all. And then he'd heard about the car accident. He breathed in sharply. His pain was still close to his heart.

Rayna had something special, though. He'd seen it that night at the open mic and he still saw it. She had learned to be a better songwriter on her own and the songs she wrote with Deacon were amazing. The two of them together, musically, were magic. He saw it every time he watched them perform. But there were times when he felt like he'd set in motion something painful and heartbreaking between the two of them. That they loved each other – deeply – was obvious. But Deacon had demons, dark demons, some of which Watty thought had still not surfaced, that he was afraid would drag Rayna down as well.

He could see it in her eyes. There was a weariness there sometimes. She had gotten good at covering that up these days. She could put on a smile that would fool anyone. When Deacon wasn't drinking, life was good. But when he was – and Watty knew he'd started down that path again – he was a risk. He could see Rayna's struggle, had seen it from the very first time he'd told her Deacon was an alcoholic. He had watched, every time Deacon fell, how it chipped away at Rayna, wore her down a little more. Watty felt an obligation to Virginia's memory to keep an eye out for her daughter, to look out for her, even though Rayna knew nothing of his relationship with her mother.

He watched. And vowed to be there for her.

 **Rayna**

Rayna didn't know what set it off. Deacon had a hard time articulating it. It started with nightmares, the same kind he'd had off and on for as long as she'd known him. All he could seem to tell her was that he felt like he was in a strait jacket, that he felt overwhelmed, and that he felt like she was always watching him. He drank more when they were out on Alan Jackson's tour. She'd lost count of the number of times he was drunk at sound check and the times he'd messed up on stage. They were fighting constantly, it felt like. The good times felt few and far between.

The last night they were on tour, he disappeared after sound check. She was frantic, not even knowing where to look for him. When he showed up, fifteen minutes before they were to go on stage, she could see he'd been drinking. She could smell the alcohol wafting off of him. She turned to him and frowned. "Where were you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "With one of the crew," he said, slurring his words slightly.

"Deacon, you know we're going on stage. How could you do this?" She was furious.

He glared at her. "I'm fine, Rayna," he said, slowly enunciating each word. "Don't worry."

"But I _do_ worry," she said.

He leaned in close, a sneer on his face. " _Don't_ ," he repeated.

She couldn't argue with him this close to show time, so she dropped it. But when they got out on stage, it was clear he was off his game. She could tell the rest of the band was covering for him, as he missed transitions and was off-key several times. She could hear that his harmonizing vocals were a mess. He came in late or couldn't sing the words. She gestured to her sound man off-stage to cut off his mic. And then she dropped 'No One Will Ever Love You' at the end of the set, meaning they walked off stage nearly five minutes early.

She was both embarrassed and angry. It was unprofessional to walk off the stage early, but she had no alternative. She felt Deacon's hand on her shoulder, his hand squeezing her painfully. "What the hell was that? Why'd you cut it off?" he sputtered, as she shook him off. She held up a finger, having no intention of having this argument in the tunnel. "Damn it, Ray," he kept on.

She finally stopped and whirled around, her eyes flashing with fury. "Damn it, Deacon, you were _drunk_ out on that stage. You missed your cues, you messed up the music, you couldn't even remember the damn words to the songs. _Our_ songs. The ones _we_ wrote. You embarrassed me out there." There were tears in her eyes and she turned away from him, continuing on down the hall to her dressing room.

"Rayna!" he called after her. "Rayna!" She kept walking, tears rolling down her cheeks. She got to her dressing room and walked in, with him right on her heels. He slammed the door, then walked up to her and grabbed her arm. "You turned me off!" he shouted, scowling at her.

"Yes, I did," she retorted, pulling away from him. She threw her arms out to the side in frustration. "I can't do this, Deacon! I can't have you stand up there on stage and mess up!"

He stood there fuming. Then he walked over and picked up a glass and hurled it at the wall. When it shattered, she jumped. He turned back towards her. "I'm tired of you watching me every minute!" he shouted. "Like I'm a damn dog!"

"I do _not_ watch you every minute!" she shouted back. "But you know better than to come on stage drunk. You know every time we get out there, people are watching us. And I can't have my bandleader putting us at risk!" As much as she didn't want to, she started to cry. "I can't keep doing this, Deacon," she said. "This is all so important. For both of us. I don't understand how you can't at least remember that." She breathed in. "I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this, you know? Any of this," she said quietly. She looked at him sadly. "I'm going back to the hotel. If you're not on the bus in the morning, we're leaving without you." She turned and walked out of the dressing room.

* * *

She heard him come in. She hadn't been able to sleep, so she was still awake. When she heard his footsteps come through the bedroom door, she closed her eyes. She could sense that he was walking around to her side of the bed and then she smelled the stale whiskey as he kneeled down beside her. He reached his hand out and laid it on her arm. "Rayna, I'm sorry," he said. "So sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, baby."

She felt a lump in her throat. She knew he was sorry. He was always sorry, genuinely sorry. But this had gone on for too many years. And the drinking was getting worse again. He'd gone to rehab twice and, the way things were going, it looked like he might be heading for a third. She hated seeing him like this, didn't know what to do anymore.

"Please, baby," he pleaded. Finally she opened her eyes and looked at him. He tried to smile. "I promise I won't never do it again," he said. "I love you, baby."

She just looked at him and sighed. "You always say that, Deacon," she said, finally. "But you just do it again anyway. What will it take for you to stop? For good?"

She could see the tears in his eyes. "I promise I'll work hard," he said. "I don't know why I do it. I just need to stop."

She squeezed her eyes as the tears came. "I love you so much, Deacon," she whispered. "Why isn't that enough?"

"It _is_ , baby," he said.

She rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling. "But it's _not_. If it was, you'd stop doing it." She sighed. "I'm exhausted, Deacon. I can't do this anymore tonight."

* * *

She closed herself up in her suite on the bus the next day. She could hear Deacon out in the front of the bus, but he didn't try to come in. When they got back to Nashville and headed for the truck, he reached for her hand. She looked at him. "I really am sorry, baby," he said. "Please believe me."

She stopped. "I _do_ believe you, Deacon," she said wearily. "That's not the problem. I don't think you mean to do this. Or that you even want to, really. But you do it anyway. And you've gotta figure out why and how to stop doing it. Or it's going to tear us apart. It's going to destroy us." Then she disengaged her hand and walked the rest of the way to the truck, leaving him to follow behind her.

It was the first time she truly wondered if they could do this for the long haul. Or if _she_ could. _Is this really how I want to live the rest of my life?_

 **Bucky**

Bucky had started keeping a list of lead guitar players. Just in case. Rayna had never said she wanted anyone other than Deacon, but one of these days he was afraid she would run out of patience with her husband. Or the next time he had to go to rehab – and Bucky was confident there would be a next time – it might not be at a convenient time.

He never mentioned the list to Rayna, but he kept it all the same. It was his job to take care of her, professionally, and he could feel that cold wind coming.

 **Deacon**

They had fallen asleep in front of the fire at the cabin. Rayna was burrowed deep under the blanket and, as usual, he barely had enough to cover himself. He smiled as he gazed at the very top of her red-haired head, the only thing he could see. He slid one hand under the blanket and ran it up her abdomen. She shrieked and jerked away from him, pulling most of the blanket with her.

"Your hands are freezing, babe!" she cried.

He laughed. "And now you have _all_ the covers." He rolled towards her, pulling her close. The fire was down to embers and the room had cooled off. "You need to share," he whispered into her ear.

She looked back at him, over her shoulder. "I think you need to build the fire back up," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Me?"

She giggled. "It sure won't be me, babe," she said.

He shook his head, but he reached for his jeans and shirt and slid them on, chuckling to himself. It was still warm in Nashville, but by the lake, it always seemed cooler somehow. He had spent time the day before, after they'd driven to the cabin, chopping wood, so there was plenty to bring in. After he'd filled up the firewood rack, he'd added several logs to the fireplace and then gotten the fire going again. He turned around to see Rayna sitting on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket. He sat down next to her.

"Now you got your fire," he said.

She smiled, a little wistfully. "Thanks, babe." She leaned her head back on the couch. "I think it was good for us to come up here."

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs. "Yeah, I think so too."

She sighed and he turned to look at her. "We've gotta get this right, Deacon," she said. "I'm really worried about us right now."

He looked back towards the fire. He knew coming up here and spending the night in each other's arms didn't fix everything that was wrong, but it hurt to hear her sound so uncertain about their future. He rubbed his face with his hands, then turned back to face her. "I love you, baby," he said. "I wanna do whatever I got to do to prove that to you."

She frowned a little. "Deacon, I don't doubt you love me," she said. "That's not our problem. It's a lot more than just that." She took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sitting here with just a blanket on and that doesn't feel like the right, I don't know, _outfit_ for a discussion. So I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed and then we can talk."

He nodded and watched her get up. She headed for the bedroom and his eyes followed her. He got up and went into the kitchen and got coffee started. Then he walked back out and picked her clothes up and the rest of his and went to the bedroom. He could hear the shower running. He stood there for a second, then shrugged and undressed. Sex wasn't going to fix everything, but it was one of the ways they talked to each other and he felt like they both needed to remind themselves that, underneath all the pain, there was still love.

When he joined her, she didn't say anything, just turned to face him. Water was running over her head and down her back and her eyes were filled with sorrow and hurt. But she took a step towards him and took him in her arms and let him love her.

* * *

When she walked out of the bedroom, he poured her a mug of coffee and then walked over to hand it to her. She gave him a small smile. "Thanks, babe," she said.

"I can make breakfast," he said.

She seemed to consider it, then shook her head. "I'm not really hungry right now. Maybe later?" He just nodded. She walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling one leg up underneath her. He walked over and sat down next to her. She held her mug in both hands and took a sip, then looked at him carefully. "I'm worried about you, Deacon. And I'm worried about us."

He frowned. "Us?"

She nodded. "You have to know this impacts both of us. Because I'm the one making sure you're okay. I'm the one who brings you home or goes looking for you."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, baby, you know that. And I'll do better." Even he knew that was more than likely a hollow promise. He couldn't even begin to tell her why he felt like he needed the whiskey, but he did. It made things easier. It took away the pain, the memories, the things he didn't want to remember.

She looked down. She set her mug on the coffee table and then took his hands in hers, looking back at him. "But you don't. You say you will, but then we're back where we started. Or actually, it's worse than ever. Babe, don't you even realize that things are worse now than they were in the beginning? I can't control you anymore. All I can do is pray and try to be one step behind you."

He tried to pull his hands away, but she kept hold of him tightly. "If it's so hard, why don't you just walk away like you said you was gonna do, Ray?" he asked, angrily.

Her eyes filled with tears. "I _love_ you, Deacon. I don't _want_ to leave you," she said. "But you're an alcoholic…."

He scowled at her. "Stop calling me that!" he said angrily. "I know I got a problem. I know I'm a drunk sometimes, but I can stop. You know I can stop. If I was an alcoholic, I couldn't stop."

She shook her head. "That's not true, Deacon. You know that."

He clenched his jaw and looked away. "Then what am I supposed to do, Rayna?" he asked. "Since you're in charge."

"I'm not in charge, Deacon," she said, angrily. "I'm not at all in charge. This is on you! But if you don't figure it out, it's gonna destroy us."

He looked at her and frowned. "What does that mean?"

She looked down and shrugged. "I don't know." She looked back at him. "It could mean we don't make it. Because I can't keep living like this."

He huffed and then he got up from the couch. He walked over to the kitchen and banged his hand on the island. "You think I _wanna_ live like this, Rayna? You think I _wanna_ keep hurting you? Or hear you threaten to leave me?"

"No, I don't think you want any of that. That's what makes this so hard, Deacon. But you can't keep giving in. Something has to change!"

"And what is that something?" he shouted.

"I don't know!" she shouted back and then she burst into tears.

He watched her for a moment, but he hated to see her cry and he walked over and sat next to her, taking her in his arms. "Baby, I wanna do whatever I have to do," he said.

She grabbed his shirt. "I know you do, but I'm just so scared, Deacon," she said, still crying. "I'm afraid if you don't figure this out that it's gonna destroy us. Or it's gonna kill you."

He breathed in and then he leaned his forehead against hers and he could feel tears in his own eyes. "I don't wanna lose you, Ray. I will do whatever I have to. I promise. I don't want you to leave me."

And so he promised, once again, meaning it, wanting to do it, hoping this would be the time he could make it work. Because the thought of living without her felt like a death sentence.

 **Rayna**

She'd been cautiously optimistic. After the weekend at the cabin, Deacon seemed committed, ready to stay the course. He'd backed away from even occasional drinking, much to her relief, and he went to meetings every day. They were back in rehearsal and in the studio and it felt good. She started to relax.

She was up early, since Deacon was going to an early meeting. They had studio time booked mid-day to work on the album. As always, it seemed like they were still hunting for songs and they'd hit a little bit of a roadblock on writing. She was wiping down the counters in the kitchen when the phone rang.

"Hello?" she said, when she picked up the phone.

"Hey, baby!" Deacon sounded excited. She always got the tiniest bit of queasiness when he was excited, as that had often meant, in the past, that he'd been drinking. But she pushed that feeling down. "Guess what?"

She forced a smile on her face. "What?" Deacon had finally relented and gotten a cell phone. He'd resisted for several years, saying he had no need for 'fancy technology'. But she'd begged, especially since she wanted to make sure she could reach him if she needed to and he had reluctantly gotten one.

"They want us to come play tonight at the Bluebird," he said.

She frowned. "How did that happen?"

He sighed and she could hear the irritation. "Cole and I stopped at the diner cross the street and Amy is here. She asked." His voice was brittle and she instantly felt bad.

"Well, that sounds amazing," she said, trying to recover.

"So, do we have your permission to do it?" He sounded angry.

"Of course, babe. It's been a long time since we've done the Bluebird."

"Okay then." And he hung up, startling her with the abruptness.

She slowly put the phone down and leaned back against the counter. She felt tears pricking her eyes as she realized he could tell she was suspicious. She hated being that way, especially now that he seemed to be working so hard. She wanted to be encouraging, not waiting for the other shoe to drop. She put her hands on her hips and started to pace, breathing in and out, trying not to break down.

* * *

They were driving from the studio to the Bluebird, where they were going on at six. Deacon had been cordial ever since he got home, but the tension was high. Every time she said something, she felt like all she was getting were one or two word answers. And, although it annoyed her, she was trying to stay calm. But she finally was at a breaking point.

"Are we going to talk at all?" she asked, turning in her seat to face him.

He glanced over at her, his eyebrows raised. "We been talking," he said, his voice deceptively neutral.

"No, we haven't," she said, frowning. "I get that I made you mad on the phone this morning, and I didn't mean to, but you're gonna hold it over my head all damn day long? Is that how we're doing this?"

He looked at her and scowled. "I don't know, Rayna. Is it?" He huffed. "'Cause I feel like you don't trust me to do nothing on my own. Like you think I'm gonna mess up every time I walk out the door."

"That's not true," she protested, although she knew it wasn't completely the case.

He shook his head and sighed. A long moment went by before he spoke. "Look, I know I disappointed you. A hundred times. Probably more. I deserve it." He turned to look at her and she could see immense sadness in his eyes. "I wanna be the man you need, Ray. I wanna live up to all your expectations, but sometimes, you know, sometimes, it's a lot to live up to. You're so strong and you got everything together and I'm a mess. I know that."

"Deacon," she said, putting her hand on his arm and interrupting him. "You _are_ the man I need. I love you. You're the love of my life. You have been since I was sixteen years old. You took me in when I had nowhere else to go and you took care of me. You still do. I _need_ you, babe. You know that." She folded her hands in her lap and looked down. "I'm sorry if I make you feel like I don't trust you. That's the absolute last thing I want to do."

He breathed in. "I just wanna do right by you, Ray," he said. "I don't wanna be the guy who disappoints you. I'm just trying not to screw up so bad I lose you." He cleared his throat. "You know, when I was at rehab, I used to think I heard you walking down the hall. Almost every night. I dreamed about you every night. And it was always me standing there knowing I'd screwed up, wanting you to forgive me."

She had tears in her eyes. "Oh, babe," she said, reaching for his hand. "We've had hard times, there's no denying that. But, in the end, this is where I always wanted to be." She sighed. "I don't want us to fight. I just want us to be able to give into it, you know, what was always meant to be." She was still for a moment, then dropped his hand, reaching for her notebook in her purse.

"You got something?" he asked. She waved him off, not wanting to let the words in her head escape before she could jot them down. She wrote for several minutes and then she breathed out, letting her shoulders relax. She turned to him and he was smiling. "You got that last song, don't you?"

She smiled and nodded. "The framework, I think, yeah. We can finish it tonight."

"Can you tell me some of it?"

She looked down at the notebook. "I think this is the chorus. 'We're all we've been missing, if we could just stop resisting, and give in to what's supposed to be. I'll surrender to you, if you surrender to me'." She looked back at him. "What do you think?"

He smiled. "I like it."

"I've got a little more, but just some of what you said. We'll have to flesh it out later."

He sighed. "Makes me wish we were going straight home."

She smiled at him. "I know. But we'll get it."

* * *

He was leaning against the headboard of the bed, with his guitar, and he let his fingers run down the strings as the song ended. She was sitting next to him, the sheet pulled up under her arms, the notebook in her hand, smiling. He grinned at her. "Oh, babe, that was great," she said.

"It did turn out good, didn't it?" he said.

She nodded. She dropped the notebook on the bed and then rose up on her knees, the sheet falling off of her. She reached for his guitar and then leaned over him to set it against the bedside table. She knew he was looking at her and not the guitar and she heard him hitch his breath. She folded her legs under her as she sat back, facing him. She smiled a little shyly and he sat forward, putting his hands on the mattress as he leaned towards her.

He kissed her on the lips, letting his lips linger against hers for a moment. Then he let his tongue trace the outline of her mouth, as he stared deep into her eyes. She heard herself let out a soft moan. As her mouth dropped open slightly, he let his tongue slide between her lips. He put his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer, his tongue chasing hers and she sighed again. Then he leaned closer to her, continuing his lazy kisses. She felt a shiver go up her spine and tingles of anticipation between her legs. Finally he pushed her back and then hovered over her, propping himself on his hands and knees. "This is my favorite part, though," he whispered.

She smiled. "Mine too," she said, as she lifted her arms and laid her hands on his shoulders, pulling him down to her.

 **Deacon**

He thought if they ever stopped writing songs together, it would be the end of them. It was only one of the many things he loved about her, but something about the creative process, digging deep inside and putting something out there that reflected their shared words and music and vision, was intoxicating. It was actually better than drinking, better than the feeling he had when that first glass of whiskey rolled down his throat, warming him up from his tongue all the way to his stomach. Rayna Jaymes filled him up in a completely different way, as she invaded all his nooks and crannies, all the spaces inside him. She inhabited his heart and his mind, and her skin became one with his, and then when he finally entered her, it was as though that were the very last piece of a very intimate puzzle, the one where he and she fit absolutely perfectly together. He knew, instinctively, that he would never have this with another woman. If he had to, he might find something close one day, but it would never be this.

She was beautiful, that mix of woman and child, with her creamy skin and freckled face. She had that gorgeous, throaty, full laugh, filled with joy. Her smile was electric, but it could also be sweetly inviting. She'd grown up a lot in the years he'd known her, but she also still had a naiveté about her that was adorable. She was everything he was not and yet she loved him anyway.

As she sat in front of him, her lush breasts just there for the taking, her sweet mouth ready for his, that most intimate place between her legs, where she would take him in with that long, satisfied moan that turned him on almost more than anything else she did, he knew right then that this was everything. _She_ was everything. That she would _always_ be everything.

He prayed for the strength to not disappoint her again.


	10. 1997

**Rayna**

She found Deacon, at the bar, face down on a table, clearly passed out. She knew that most everyone in the bar who wasn't wasted knew who she was. She was embarrassed. Embarrassed that her husband, and partner, was, yet again, passed out drunk in a bar. It was one of the places he went to frequently. One of the places where they had her number, so they could call her.

She wanted to cry. He'd been doing well, but then it seemed like it was a combination of Thanksgiving and Christmas at the Wyatt house and Vince being between hook-ups that set him back down that all too familiar slide. It was also the demons he carried with him, everywhere he went, every single day. The demons he couldn't seem to hide from. She couldn't cry, though, because, first of all, she would never cry in a bar. Never let these people, even if most of them were drunk, see her as anything less than in control. And secondly, it would do her no good to cry. It didn't change the fact that Deacon was passed out in a bar, that no matter what she said or he promised, he just couldn't stay sober.

She took a deep breath and reached for his arm. "Deacon?" she said. "Deacon!"

He raised his head up and looked at her, his eyes clouded over. At least he wasn't all the way gone. _Thank God for small miracles._ "What?" he said, his voice surly.

She stood there, tapping her foot. She didn't want to make a scene and she hoped he would come with her without giving her a lot of hassle. "Come on," she said. "Let's go home." She reached for his arm and he shook her off, giving her a scowl.

"Don't wanna go," he snarled. "I'm waiting on Vince."

She made a show of looking around. "Vince isn't here, Deacon. He left." She looked back at him.

He looked confused. "He's gone? Why didn't he tell me?"

She shrugged. "Maybe he did and you just don't remember," she said. "Come on. Let's go home."

He sighed and then he tried to push himself up. She reached out again and took his arm, helping him up. She started towards the door and he shuffled, then stumbled, reaching out to catch himself with his hand on the table. He frowned at her. "I'm fine," he said loudly.

She breathed in to keep her anger in check. She put her hand on his back. "Let's go," she repeated. When he managed to stand up straight, she put her arm around his waist. After a moment, he put his arm around her shoulder and she sighed with relief. Then they slowly made their way to the door.

* * *

The next day, she drove out to her mother's land, alone. She'd started going there when she needed time to herself, to think. She had no one to talk to. She would never dare talk to Tandy about all this. Even though her sister, as well as her father, knew about Deacon's struggle, Tandy would never offer any helpful advice. She had no real friends. The girls from high school were nice to her now, when they saw her, and she knew it was because she was famous. Her female artist contemporaries were friendly, but that was as far as it really went. And she was so protective of Deacon that she really didn't want to share his struggle with people she didn't know well.

She sat underneath one of the trees. It was late winter and, although it was an unseasonably warm day, the leaves were gone from the trees. The sky looked almost white and the river beyond was a hard blue-gray. She pulled her journal out of her purse, the private one she used to work out all her feelings. She'd been doing that since she was ten, when her mother had given her her first journal, with the advice to use it to sort through all the complicated emotions she was going through, and would go through, during her adolescence. But she'd kept doing it.

It was different from her writing notebook, although sometimes some of the things she wrote about in her journal got transferred to her writing notebook. When she'd started writing with Deacon, he'd encouraged her to write about her truth. _Music's all about three chords and the truth,_ he'd told her. He'd said every song started from a real story, that it might not always be an exact translation, because not all stories were meant to be shared that way, but it was always the start.

She started to write. _I'm so scared. And I'm so tired. And I don't understand. I wish I knew why it was so hard for Deacon to stay sober. He does well for a while and then he just can't do it. Sometimes it's a slow fall and other times he's just all in from the start. Lately it seems like he falls harder and faster and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to help him, but I don't know how._

 _I hate to say it, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. When I married Deacon, I thought it was forever. It was_ _supposed_ _to be forever. But it was also supposed to be that we were making a life together. Making music, creating a family, raising up our kids together. But I can hardly see a future anymore and I sure can't see bringing kids into this._

 _I want to be a mom. I've always wanted that. But I can't bring a child into this kind of life. It's hard enough for me, but how could I bring a child into this world to live with the kind of pain and disappointment that I feel. And I'm not sure what to do. I love him and don't want to let him go, but I don't know how much longer I can do this._

 _I've always tried to be strong and be there for him, but this is ripping me apart. There are times when I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting for him when he won't fight for himself. I'm tired of worrying and wondering and being terrified and waiting and being scared. And I'm tired of being angry at him all the time._

 _I want to walk away. There, I've said it. Or written it, I guess. I'm 25 years old and I feel twice that age. At least. My career is going well. Why can't my personal life? I don't want this to_ _be_ _my life._

 _I feel like I need to give this one more chance and then I have to walk away. And that hurts more than I can even believe. I love him. More than breathing, I love him. But I can't keep watching this. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep destroying myself this way._

She read over the last paragraph. It felt like she'd just ripped open her heart. The thought had played around the edges of her brain for months, but she had always shut it down as soon as it crept in. She had promised to love and cherish him always, that day at Watty's house when she was just seventeen. Deep in her heart, she knew she would always love and cherish him. That had not changed. But committing herself to a lifetime of disappointment and uncertainty and fear, worried always that one day he just would not come home, that was the part she didn't know if she had the courage for.

She took a deep breath and then she closed the notebook, putting it back into her purse. Then she drew her knees up to her chest, put her head down on them, and she cried.

 **Deacon**

He shouldn't have gotten into that fight. He knew that. Rayna was going to be pissed.

She had a meeting at the label and when Vince had stopped by, he'd said no at first, but not very convincingly. Vince was between girlfriends and itching for some action. Actually Vince never really had a girlfriend, in the pure sense of the word. He'd hang out with a girl for a few weeks, then move on to the next. The only constant was Carmen Gonzalez. She'd floated in and out of Vince's life for years, almost as long as he'd known Vince. He always joked that they were friends with benefits, but he'd get morose whenever Carmen left and that's when he was more likely to go out and hit the bars, trolling for a one night stand. Which is where they were now.

Deacon knew Rayna would be disappointed in him, but he promised himself he'd pace himself. But then that didn't happen, of course. They'd started playing pool and the beers went down fast and easy. When they got challenged to a game, they all switched to whiskey shots. And then when the two other jackasses started accusing them of cheating, it turned into a brawl. Of course, the brawl was primarily Deacon against the other two, with Vince standing off to the side, his arm around a girl, drunkenly shouting encouragement.

He didn't remember what the other guy said to him, but the next thing he knew he was being pulled off of him and hauled off in a police car.

* * *

He stood at the phone and waited. Finally he heard the click that indicated the call had been accepted. "What is it this time, Deacon?" she asked, her voice flat.

"Baby, I'm so sorry…."

"Stop it!" she shouted. "Stop saying you're sorry! I'm so tired of hearing it!" He could hear her breathe in and out. "What did you do, Deacon?" she said, her voice calm.

He breathed in. There was no point in trying to explain at this point. She wasn't going to listen. "I got in a fight," he said.

After a pause, she said, "Terrific." Then she sighed. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Rayna, I…." But she had hung up. He leaned his head against the phone and swallowed hard. He didn't know why he couldn't stop doing this, but he knew she was losing patience with him. Finally he hung up the phone and the guard took him back to the holding cell to wait.

* * *

She at least waited until they were in the car. "Why do you keep doing this, Deacon?" she asked, finally.

He shook his head. "I don't know."

She looked at him and scowled. "Stop saying that!" she shouted. "I'm so tired of hearing 'I don't know' and 'I'm sorry, baby'! If I hear those words again, I, well, I just don't know what I'll do. But you need to figure out why you keep doing this, Deacon. Because I'm at the end of my rope! I just don't know what to do anymore!"

"It ain't on you to do nothing, Ray," he said.

"But _you_ aren't doing anything, Deacon! If I don't do _something_ , you'll just drink yourself to death! Or you'll kill yourself driving home. Or someone else. Is this really how you want your life to go?"

He frowned. "No!" he shouted back. "Course it's not how I want it."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, it's hard to tell." She huffed. "You've been to rehab twice. You might be headed there a third time. Something has got to get through to you, Deacon, or you're gonna die just like your father did. And then you really will fulfill his prophecy for you."

"I ain't like him!" he shouted. "I ain't like him at all!"

"Really? Are you sure?" She looked at him incredulously. "Other than the fact that you don't beat me up, I don't really see how you're much different. You just have more of a reason _not_ to do it, you know? Because you have me." She breathed in sharply. "For now."

He couldn't look at her then, so he turned to look out the window. Thankfully, she didn't say another word to him the rest of the way home.

* * *

When they got home, she walked briskly up the walk and the steps and into the house, leaving him to follow behind. She slammed her purse on the counter in the kitchen and then whirled around to face him, her eyes flashing with anger. "I can't keep doing this, Deacon!" she shouted. "I mean it! If you don't figure this out once and for all, I just, I don't know what to do." She lifted her hand to her forehead and he could see tears in her eyes. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he knew she'd have none of that. He didn't know what to say, so he stood there, his hands jammed in his pockets. She looked back at him, her hands on her hips. "I'm at the end of my rope here, Deacon," she said, and he heard the disappointment in her voice. "I just don't understand what's going through your head."

He breathed in. "I didn't mean to, baby, I swear," he said. "I said no at first…."

She stomped her foot then, balling her hands into fists. "You _know_ the right answers, Deacon! You've gone through this twice and you know what to say, what to do, and yet you keep doing it! And you say you don't want to disappoint me, but you still do it. Why?"

He walked towards her and she stepped back, holding her hands up in front of her, so he stopped. He was so ashamed of his weakness. "I don't know, baby. It's just the demons, chasing me down, and I don't know how to stop it."

"Yes, you do, Deacon. You just reach deep down inside and you just don't do it. You say no. You remember the promises you've made to me. And you honor those. The promises you made to yourself. You don't have to do this. You know you can do it. You _can_ stay sober, because you have. You just have to keep doing it. Wake up every day and tell yourself you're gonna stay sober that day. That's all you have to do!" The tears were rolling down her face then and he couldn't stand it.

He walked over to her and took her in his arms. She just stood there, not responding, but at least not pushing him away. He kissed her forehead. "You're right, baby, you are," he murmured. "I know I can do it. And I will do it. For _you_."

 **Rayna**

Rayna slid into a booth at the diner. The server came by and poured her a mug of coffee. "Thank you," she said, wearily. "I'm waiting for someone." The server nodded and left. She added sugar and a bit of cream to her coffee and stirred it. Then she lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip, closing her eyes. She breathed in, then opened her eyes and looked out the window, not really seeing anything. She rested her elbow on the table top and propped her head on her fist and waited.

"Hey, Rayna."

She looked over as Coleman slid into the booth opposite her. She smiled sadly. "Thanks for coming, Cole," she said.

He nodded. "How's he doing?"

She sighed. "He's okay, I guess. He's staying close to home." She made a face. "He's sorry. Of course. He's _always_ sorry." She felt the tears well up in her eyes and she wiped at them. "Cole, I don't know if I can do this anymore," she whispered. "I can't help him. I want to, but I don't know how anymore."

He rubbed his face. "I'm gonna say this again, Rayna, and I know you don't wanna hear it. But I think I have to." She sighed and nodded. "You have to stop propping him up. He's not gonna get better until he doesn't have you to prop him up."

She frowned. "I'm not propping him up," she said, although knew she was. But she _loved_ him. Even like this, she loved him.

Cole shook his head. "You're enabling him, Rayna. He knows that if he falls off the wagon, no matter how far, you'll be there, to pick him up, to take him back, make it all okay. So he doesn't have to try so hard." He sighed. "I'm afraid for him. I'm afraid he's getting to a point where this is gonna kill him."

The tears were spilling down her cheeks again. He'd confirmed her worst fears. "I'm afraid too, Cole." She breathed in. "I just don't know what the right thing is to do." She wiped the tears from under her eyes. "We're _married_ , Cole. He's my _husband_. It's not like it's that easy to walk away. And what if it just makes it worse?"

Cole's eyes were sad. "I'm not suggesting that you walk away. But what about _you_ , though, Rayna? You're miserable. You're exhausted."

Now she was crying. "You're right." She looked at him. "But I don't want to not be there. I'm _afraid_ to not be there."

"He needs a good long stay in rehab. Some place where he can learn new strategies to cope. But if he comes back and you're there to be his cushion, I see the same thing happening again." He smiled encouragingly. "If you love him, you need to give him a chance to get better. And that means you have to figure out how to manage the back end of this. You can't keep giving him a soft place to land."

She nodded. "I guess. But I don't know what the right thing is. I guess I need to think about it."

He reached for her hand. "No matter what, Rayna, I'm here too. That's my job as his sponsor."

She sighed. "I've told him that I'm worried about _us_. I'm not sure he really believes that. But this is all wearing me down. It eats away at me every day." She felt the tears coming again and she breathed in, trying to keep them at bay. "It's hurting me professionally too and I don't want this to be about my career, but I can't ignore it." She squeezed his hand. "It helps to know you're here. For him. I'm just so very tired, you know?"

 **Deacon**

He sat by himself at the bar. He thought about going home, but there didn't seem to be a reason to. Rayna wasn't there. It had been another one of those fights, over something he now couldn't remember. Only, whatever it was, it had been important to her. Important enough that she threw some things into an overnight bag and had slammed the door on her way out. He remembered opening the door, watching as she stomped down the steps.

"I don't need you anyway!" he'd shouted after her. She didn't stop, but when she got to her car, she had turned to look at him. She shook her head, threw her things into the car and got in, driving off in a hurry. He had thrown the bottle of whiskey he had in his hand into the corner of the porch, the sound of breaking glass echoing through his head. He threw his fist in the air and made an angry noise.

Now he was at the bar. He couldn't remember how he got there, but the taste of the whiskey going down was soothing, calming the anger in his head. As there was in almost every bar or joint in town, there was a band on a small stage. He slowly turned his head to look. He blinked multiple times, trying to bring them into focus. It was the kind of place he and Rayna had started out in.

This band was pretty good, he thought to himself. He couldn't see them clearly, but his ears picked up a guitar, a bass, a fiddle, a mandolin, a banjo. The melodies were crisp and clear, the instruments complementing each other. Their voices too, smooth as the whiskey he was drinking, perfect harmonies. It eventually became background music.

He was working on his third whiskey, trying to slow down a bit so that he'd be able to get home and not end up passed out on the bar. _Rayna will be pissed if she has to come get me._ Then he remembered Rayna wasn't home. He felt both angry and sad at the same time. He missed her already. He wondered how long she'd be gone. That was when a verse from the song the band was playing pierced the fog in his head.

 _Staring at the bottom of your glass / Hoping one day you'll make the dream last / But dreams come slow and they go so fast / You see her when you close your eyes / Maybe one day you'll understand why / Everything you touch, oh it dies_

He breathed in deeply and then realized he was crying. He was scared. Scared of losing Rayna for good, scared he couldn't climb out of this abyss. He wanted to get better. He wanted to be sober, stay sober. For her. _I love her so much._ He hated what this was doing to her, to them. But he couldn't figure out how to stop it. None of the things they tried teaching him in rehab seemed to stick, to work. He kept cycling in and out, never being able to find a steady state.

He pushed back the half-empty glass and waved at the bartender, throwing down a twenty and a five. Then he got up and unsteadily walked out of the bar and, propping himself along the windows out front, headed for his truck.

* * *

When he woke up the next morning, his head pounding and his mouth feeling like the Sahara desert, she was there. He could feel her against his back, her arm draped over his waist. When he moved, she sat up. He struggled to roll over onto his other side to look at her. His head was screaming in protest. "Ray," he croaked.

She was sitting with her arms folded across her chest, her face blank. "You can't keep doing this, Deacon. _We_ can't keep doing this," she said, her voice sounding weary.

He rubbed his face, still not sure why she was there. _Had she ever left, really?_ "Why are you here?" he managed.

"They called me from the bar," she said. "Told me you were pretty wasted. So I came to get you and brought you home." He reached for her and she scrambled off the bed. "Don't," she said, holding up her hand. "I'm here because you can't take care of yourself, Deacon. I'm here because I'm afraid you won't make it home one night. I'll be honest with you. I don't _want_ to be here. But I'm afraid for you."

He scowled at her. "I don't need no babysitter," he fumed.

She raised her eyebrows. "Actually, I think you do. And, unfortunately, as your wife, that responsibility falls on me." She crossed her arms again. "So, you need to sleep this off and then we need to talk about what's next."

 **Rayna**

Deacon was in the bedroom, packing his duffle. As always, the day before he left for rehab, it was a quiet, solemn day. There was little talking, almost a stiffness to the atmosphere. Rayna hated that there was a cadence to a day like this, that it was even happening again. Her emotions were all over the place. She was angry, she was hurt, she was sad, all at the same time. He had finally stopped trying to plead with her to let him stay and it felt like there was a huge divide between the two of them.

She listened as she heard drawers open and close and it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't want him to leave, didn't want them to be at this place, again. She would miss him. It was always these hours before he left that her heart wanted to give in, that she tried to will her strength onto him for the journey ahead so that he didn't have to go after all. And then there was the acceptance that there really was no other way and that all she could do was support him and encourage him. And wait. These were always the most difficult hours of her life. She went into the living room and slid a Keith Whitley CD into the player. She loved his music, but it also was bittersweet. Her fear was that Deacon would be another Keith, unable to conquer his demons and win the battle.

She walked to the bedroom door and looked in. He was standing at the bed, shirts in his hands, listening, his eyes closed. "Dance with me," she whispered, just loud enough to be heard over the music. He opened his eyes and turned to look at her, regret on his face. "Please," she asked.

He walked over to her, taking her hand and leading her out to the living room. He put his arm around her waist and she put hers around his shoulders. Then he took her hand in his and held it close to his heart. She leaned her forehead on his shoulder and they started to sway together, not speaking, just holding each other close. They danced through three songs and then finally he pulled back from her and she looked up at him. With deep sorrow in his eyes, he said, "I'm so sorry, Ray."

She put two fingers on his lips and shook her head slightly. "Don't. Not tonight," she said softly. "Just hold me."

Later, she led him to their bedroom and undressed him, then let him undress her. They made love, first with tenderness and yearning, and then with passion and a franticness borne of the knowledge that it would be many weeks before they would be together again. Then she held him against her, threading her fingers through his hair, kissing him on his forehead.

He looked up at her and ran a calloused finger down her cheek, then rubbed it with the back of his hand. She could see all his regret and sorrow in his eyes. "I love you, Deacon," she said softly. "No matter what happens, no matter where we end up, I will always love you."

He closed his eyes and breathed in, then looked back at her. "I don't wanna disappoint you, Ray. I promise I'll make this work."

She looked at him. _How many times had he promised? How many times had he said he was sorry? How many times had he tried…and failed?_ She wanted to give him every bit of strength she could. She wanted to figure out the key to making him want this, as much as she wanted it for him. She wanted him to keep his promises, never have to say he was sorry again. As she always was, she was hopeful. But it killed her a little to realize that it was tempered with caution. She smiled at him. "I know," she said. "And I'll be there, right by your side, holding onto you, every step of the way."

 **Deacon**

It was sixty days this time. He was a third of the way through and he was trying hard to do everything right. But, as he sat in another group session, his thoughts wandered. It wasn't like he hadn't tried before. He had. He didn't know what made things work one day and then not the next. Or the one after that, as he would slowly start to slide back into the abyss.

"Deacon?" He was startled back to the present. He blinked, not knowing what had been asked. "What specific actions will you take when you get home to help you stay on track?" the group leader asked.

He took a deep breath. He knew the right answers – be sure all the booze is gone, stop hanging out with the wrong friends, go to meetings every day – but none of that had really worked for him before. At least not for good, or else he wouldn't be back here. He shook his head. "I don't know," he said finally. "I ain't been successful with that, which is why I'm here for the third time."

"Well, what have you done that made you fall off the wagon?"

He shrugged, feeling irritated, wishing he could just skip all this crap. "Pretty much everything." He let out a sharp laugh. "I mean, I'm in a band. I write songs and sing on stage with my wife. We travel all over the country. It's hard to not come up against all the things you ain't supposed to have around. There's booze at after parties. It's hard sometimes to find a meeting on the road. When my wife's doing publicity, there ain't many places to hang out to wait. 'Cept a hotel bar."

"What can you change about that?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Music is my life. Doing music with my wife is the only thing that matters. All I can do is the best I can. Try not to screw up too bad."

"Don't you think it would benefit your wife as well, for you to be in control of this part of your life?"

He shrugged. "Probably. But she's still there. She's always been there." He looked at the group leader and raised his eyebrows. "When I stumble, she's there. Always has been. I'm lucky that way."

* * *

Every time Rayna came to visit, he would find himself feeling emotional, with tears in his eyes. This visit was no different. She smiled when she saw him and hugged him close, then took his hand. "Let's go sit," she said. They sat across from each other at a picnic table outside. He liked being able to sit and look at her. He thought she looked so pretty that day. Her eyes sparkled, she looked rested. He breathed in sharply, realizing that she looked better without him. It hurt. She didn't seem to notice. "You look good, Deacon," she said. "How do you feel?"

"Better, now that you're here," he said.

She smiled shyly. "I've missed you," she said.

"I miss you too, baby."

Then her smile faded as she reached for his hands and she looked at him seriously, squinting a little against the sun. "You know, I met with your counselor today," she said, and he frowned. "I need you to be really serious about this, babe."

"I _am_ serious," he said angrily. "What did he tell you?"

She shrugged. "I think he's just concerned you might be depending on me too much. Is that true?"

He looked away. "No, it ain't true," he said. He looked back at her. "But you know, none of this is new."

She sighed. "That may be true, but I need you to really be serious about it, Deacon. _Everything_ depends on that."

"What do you mean, everything?" He didn't like the sound of that.

She frowned. "You know what it means. I need you to step up and do this. I told you before. Get up every day and recommit. I can't do that for you. You've got to figure out how to do this or we're really in some serious trouble."

He pulled his hands away and glared at her, then got up and took a few steps away from her. "So you don't support me?" he asked.

"That's not what I said, Deacon," she said. "But you can't keep expecting me to hold you up." She got up and walked over to him. "I am always there for you, but I need you to make this work."

He looked at her. He didn't want to let her down, disappoint her, but it felt like she was pulling away somehow, and he didn't think he could do this without her. "I need you, baby," he said. "I can't really do this without you."

She bit her lip. "Babe, I love you, you know that," she said. "And I want to help any way I can. To support you. But you _can_ do this. I know you can."

For the first time on this journey, he felt worried. If he didn't have Rayna by his side, he wasn't sure he could succeed. And he couldn't go on if he didn't have Rayna. _I'll just have to figure it out._

* * *

She was there to meet him the day he completed the program. She looked happy to see him and she kissed and hugged him over and over again. She couldn't keep her hands off him. When they got home, she pulled him straight to the bedroom. Lying in her arms, much later, the anxiousness seemed to fade away. He was home. Rayna was here. He could do this. With her supporting him, he could do this.

 **Rayna**

When they finished the second song of the encore, Deacon walked up to Rayna, as the rest of the band made their way off the stage, to walk her off, as he always did. She turned to him, putting her mike behind her back. He frowned just a little. "I want to do something," she said. "By myself." She had told Bucky to have the lighting crew keep the lights down. She could hear the crowd noise and knew they were uncertain as to whether the show was over or not.

"By yourself?" he asked, looking confused.

She nodded. "It's okay. Just wait for me." She gave him an encouraging smile. He shrugged and walked to the side stage. She turned back and watched as a piano was being rolled out onto the stage, with an attached mic stand. She walked over to it and then turned towards the crowd. The lights went down to just one, spotlighting on her. "I have one more song for y'all," she said to the audience. "It's a really special song for a special person in my life."

She turned and sat down at the piano, sliding the mic into the stand, and began to play. She'd written the song while Deacon was in rehab and had spent many days agonizing over both the words and the music. The only person who'd heard it was Watty, because she needed someone to tell her she'd gotten it right. She looked over to the side stage, where she could see Deacon. He still looked confused, but she hoped he would soon understand. She took a deep breath and then she started to sing.

 _Turn the light off, go to bed / Tell me all about the day you had / Lay beside me, it's time to rest / You can close your eyes, you've done your best_

 _Let me be your sanctuary / Let me be your safe place to fall / I can take away your worries / The refuge from it all_

 _All this time / We have together / Is our shelter from the rain / I will share the weight you carry / Let me be your sanctuary_

She looked up then and could see Deacon had stepped back into the shadows a bit, one hand covering his eyes. She could feel tears in her own eyes, but she forced herself to stay present in the song.

 _We have weathered through the storms / Taking comfort in each other's arms / When the dark clouds come again / I will lift you up and take you in_

 _Let me be your sanctuary / Let me be your safe place to fall / I can take away your worries / The refuge from it all_

As hard as these years had been for the two of them, she wanted him to know she would be there for him, that she believed in him. Loved him.

 _All this time / We have together / Is our shelter from the rain / I will share the weight you carry / Let me be your sanctuary_

 _I will share this weight you carry / Let me be your sanctuary_

As she ended the song, she lowered her head. After a beat, there was thunderous applause and cheering from the audience. She looked up and turned to them, acknowledging, with a smile, her gratitude. As she stood up from the piano bench, she saw that Deacon had stepped back forward. In the dim light, she could see his emotions etched across his face. She turned to the crowd and raised her hands and waved, then blowing a kiss. She was overwhelmed, both by the song itself and by the reaction, but what she wanted was to be in Deacon's arms.

She headed for the side stage, her pace quickening as she got closer to him. By the end, she was practically running, as she approached him and he grabbed her up in his arms. He held her close, his face buried in her hair. He was shaking and she knew he was crying and so she held him tightly against her, willing him to be strong, trying to give him some of her own strength.

 **Deacon**

He was starting to feel the pressure again. It felt harder and harder every time, to stay a step ahead of his demons. He still had nightmares, he still had intense cravings. He would look at Rayna and feel so grateful for her. He knew if he couldn't make this work, he risked losing her, but he could feel his resolve weakening. It felt like the hellhounds were on his heels, he could feel their hot breath on his neck, and the only way he knew to quiet them, to keep them at bay, was in a glass of whiskey.

His hand would shake as he held it in his hand, as he looked down at the dark brown liquid. He would raise it to his nose and take a deep breath, the aroma both soothing and harsh. It would taunt him with his weakness and he would make what felt like a trade with the devil – just a sip or one shot, just enough to calm the shakes, ease the demons backwards, shut off the noise in his head.

At first he could hide it from her. That was always the beginning. He never got drunk, never even got tipsy. He covered it up with breath mints. It was just enough to ease the anxiety, let him sleep without dreams. Plus Rayna was there. She'd told him, over and over, that she was with him, no matter what. She loved him. What had she said in her song? She was his sanctuary. He was safe, because she would always be there.

 **Rayna**

The night Vince Jameson was killed, Rayna was frantic. Deacon and Vince had gone to a bar near Five Points. She and Deacon had been arguing all day and he had stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. She knew he was drinking again, even though he was trying to hide it from her. And that's what the fight was about. Her calling him out and him denying it. She'd felt both desperate and angry that he was spiraling out, yet again. She was furious with him and had gone to Tandy's, after he left, letting her sister ply her with wine and a litany of 'I told you so's'. It ultimately hadn't helped her mood and she had left her sister's after arguing with her.

When she got home, she didn't see Deacon's truck on the street and that pissed her off more. She slammed the door as she walked into the house, throwing her purse on the kitchen counter. She fumed for several minutes before she noticed the message light blinking on the answering machine. She thought it was probably Deacon, either calling to drunkenly apologize or to berate her. She didn't want to listen to either, so she went into the bedroom and started to undress. The phone rang. She sighed, but, after the third ring, she picked it up.

"Deacon, is that you?" she barked into the phone.

There was a pause and then a strange woman's voice said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but are you Mrs. Claybourne?"

She had a sick feeling in her stomach then and her blood seemed to turn ice cold in her veins. Alarm bells were going off in her head. She swallowed hard. "Yes, I am," she said.

"I'm sorry, but we had tried calling earlier," the woman said. "This is Nashville General Hospital and your husband is in our emergency room. He's been in a very serious car accident."

Rayna felt her knees give out and she collapsed onto the bed. She couldn't catch her breath. "Is he…oh, my God, is he…?" She couldn't get the words out.

"He's been injured," the woman said. "I think it would be best if you could come to the hospital."

Rayna caught a note in the woman's voice that she didn't like. She was suddenly terrified that there was more to this than she knew. "Yes, yes," she said. "I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and put her clothes back on, then grabbed her purse from the kitchen and raced out to her car.

* * *

She rushed to the hospital, tears streaming down her face and ran into the entrance to the ER. She hurried to the front desk, slamming herself against it. "Can I help you?" the woman at the desk asked.

"My husband…I got a call…my husband is here," her voice trailed off into sobs.

The woman across from her remained calm. Rayna thought later that she probably dealt with hundreds of people just like her, terrified about the status of a loved one. "Of course. What's his name?" she asked.

"Deacon. Deacon Claybourne," she said, and she heard her voice almost rise to a shriek. She felt like throwing up. Something felt very off to her and her instincts were screaming that this was different.

The woman at the desk turned around to another nurse and spoke to her. Rayna's heart was pounding and she just wanted to get to Deacon. The other nurse came around the desk and smiled at Rayna. "Mrs. Claybourne? I'll take you back."

Rayna immediately fell in step with her, still feeling like she wanted to throw up. "Is he okay?" she managed to get out.

The nurse looked at her and smiled encouragingly. "He's pretty banged up. The doctor can tell you more specifically about his injuries," she said.

Rayna tried to breathe. "He was in a car accident? Was he driving?"

The nurse frowned and shook her head. "No, he wasn't the driver." They came to a curtained off area and the nurse pulled back the curtain. Rayna could see Deacon on the bed and it was the first time she felt like she could breathe. The nurse looked at her. "I'll let the doctor know you're here," she said, and walked off.

Rayna hurried over to the side of the bed. "Deacon? Deacon?" she whispered. "I'm here." She looked him over, as tears filled her eyes. He had multiple cuts on his face and a large bruise on one cheek. His left arm was in a sling. She reached out and let the back of her hand trail softly down his face. She put her hand on top of the one with the IV and the oxygen monitor. He didn't respond to her and she leaned closer. "Deacon? Can you hear me?"

Just then the curtain slid open and a man in a white coat, who Rayna assumed was the doctor, stepped in. She stood up. "Are you Mrs. Claybourne?" he asked.

She hurried over to him. "Yes, I am."

He held his hand out and she took it. "I'm Dr. Randolph. I treated your husband when he came in."

"What happened? The nurse said it was a car accident."

"Yes, it was. The vehicle hit a tree with pretty significant force. Luckily your husband had a seatbelt on or his injuries would probably have been much worse." Rayna swallowed hard. "He's sustained a pretty serious concussion from hitting his head on the side of the window. He has cuts and bruises that you can see. He broke his left wrist, probably from trying to brace himself on the dashboard." He looked at her seriously. "He was surprisingly lucky, considering the driver was killed."

Rayna felt her stomach twist into a knot. "What?" she croaked.

"The driver died on the way to the hospital."

"Oh my God." Rayna put a hand over her mouth and tears sprang from her eyes. _Vince._ "Oh my God. No!" She thought she might faint for a second. There was a chair and she sat down in it, wrapping her arms around her waist and rocking back and forth. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no!" She looked up at the doctor. "Does he know?" She inclined her head towards Deacon.

Dr. Randolph shook his head. "Your husband was unconscious when he was brought in. His blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit when he was brought in, which is why he's not responding to you." Rayna nodded. "We're keeping him hydrated and it'll just take some time. We're going to keep him overnight, at least, so we're waiting to get him a room."

"Okay. I'll wait here then," she said. When the doctor left, she started to cry, tears of grief, because she knew the dead driver was Vince, and tears of anger, because she couldn't believe that this was where they were now. That Deacon's drinking was putting him closer and closer to the point where he would probably die from it.

She got up and walked back to the side of the bed, looking down at him. His breathing was even and shallow but she thought he looked like he was in pain. Her heart was breaking and she found herself wondering if they would be able to recover from this.

* * *

She sat in an uncomfortable chair next to the hospital bed until someone came, in the middle of the night, to take him to a room. He still hadn't woken up. The night nurse had seemed mildly concerned about that, but she also reminded Rayna that Deacon had tested at more than twice the legal limit of alcohol, which likely contributed to him not waking up. Rayna was both concerned and angry. And then, when she stopped thinking about Deacon, she had a huge lump in her throat from thinking about Vince. She was nervous about telling Deacon, sure he'd blame himself.

When he was settled in his room, she stretched out on the sleeping chair, glad for a little more room. It still wasn't comfortable, but she finally drifted off. Just before dawn, she was awakened by him muttering. She sat up and listened, but it seemed like he was just making noise. She got up and walked softly to the side of the bed. In the low ambient lighting in the room, she could see that he was frowning. His lips were moving, but he was just making sounds.

"Deacon?" she said softly. "Deacon? Can you hear me?" His eyelids fluttered a little and he frowned some more. She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "Deacon, wake up. Please, babe."

He finally opened his eyes for a second, then closed them again. When he opened them a second time, he tried focusing on her. "Ray," he whispered, his voice gravelly.

In spite of herself, she lifted her hand to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. He was still her husband and she still loved him and she was so grateful he was alive. She had no idea how she would tell him about Vince, but that could wait. She leaned down and pressed her lips against his. Then she put her hand on his cheek. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

He swallowed hard, wincing a little. "Like…shit," he croaked.

She nodded. "You have a concussion," she said. "And a pretty wicked hangover, I'm guessing."

"What…happened?"

She took a deep breath. "You were in an accident, but you're in the hospital." He slowly turned his head enough to look at the sling on his left arm. "You broke your wrist," she said. "And you're banged up, but you'll be okay."

He looked back at her, his eyes filled with a dawning fear. "Vince?" he whispered.

She bit her lip. "I think you need to rest. We'll talk about all that later," she said. She let his hand go. "I'm gonna go get the nurse." She turned and walked out before he could stop her. Then she stood in the hallway and leaned against the wall, her face in her hands, and she sobbed.

 **Deacon**

He didn't remember much. When he woke up in the hospital, his head hurt and his wrist hurt and Rayna was standing there with tears in her eyes. She said he'd been in an accident, but he didn't remember any of it. Actually there was a flash of something. He thought he remembered someone pulling at him and the sound of sirens, but it was just a flash. He remembered her holding his hand, then her hand against his face, her lips on his. Most everything else was a blur.

* * *

He was watching the door and he smiled a little when Rayna showed up. She stood there for a moment, just looking at him, and then she walked in and came to stand beside the hospital bed. "You can get dressed," she said. "There's no reason for you to stay another night, so we're gonna go home."

He nodded. His brain felt a little foggy, but he was sure that was the painkillers they gave him. He tried to sit up, but he felt dizzy. She took his arm and helped him slide off the bed. He breathed in. "Where are my clothes?" he asked, surprised to hear how raspy his voice sounded.

She held up a bag. "I brought something. What you were wearing, well, it was kind of torn up. Do you need me to help you?"

He closed his eyes against the dizziness. "Nah," he said. He let her take out the clean clothes and lay them on the bed. He took a deep breath and slowly got dressed, fighting the dizzy feelings. When he was done, he looked at her. He couldn't really read her expression and that worried him. It felt like there was something she wasn't telling him. He frowned. "What's going on, Ray?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Let's just get you home, okay?" Just then the door opened and a nurse was there with a wheelchair.

He frowned. "I don't need no wheelchair," he said.

The nurse smiled. "It's the rule, Mr. Claybourne," she said cheerily. He walked over and sat down, thankful as he did as another wave of dizziness washed over him. Then the nurse looked at Rayna. "If you'd like to go down and bring your car around, we can meet you out front."

Rayna nodded. "Sounds good." She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you in a minute," she said, and then she walked out of the room.

* * *

He leaned on her more than he wanted to as they walked up the steps to the front porch. He leaned against the porch wall as Rayna unlocked the door. Then she smiled at him briefly and, taking his arm, led him into the house. After she shut the door, she put her purse down. "You hungry?" she asked.

He thought about that. "A little."

She nodded. "Okay. Why don't you sit and rest? I'll get some soup." She started for the kitchen and he grabbed her arm. She turned back to look at him.

"What's going on, Rayna?" he asked. "I feel like there's something you ain't saying."

She frowned briefly, then breathed in. "Let me get you something to eat first, okay?" Her eyes seem to plead with him.

He sighed. "Okay." He sat and waited for her to come back. When she did, he noticed that she just sat and watched him, not eating anything herself. And when he finished, she took the bowl from him and set it on the coffee table. Then she sat back on the couch and pulled him into her arms, holding him protectively as she told him, in quiet tones, about what had happened to Vince. He remembered crying and then feeling numb. She made soothing noises and she rubbed his arms and she kissed his forehead. She held him close for a long time and he felt comforted, but the guilt started as a hard knot inside him and it kept slowly unfolding and taking him over just like a vine crawling up a tree. The weight of it was heavy on his heart and his soul, even though she kept telling him it wasn't his fault.

But that's what he _did_ know, even if he couldn't remember much. It _was_ his fault. He'd let Vince drive. He remembered, with a crystal clear clarity, that he'd let Vince drive that night. And now Vince was dead. And it was all his fault.

* * *

Much later, he let her lead him into the bedroom, where she gently undressed him and helped him into bed. She undressed herself then and slid under the covers next to him. She took him in her arms and she kissed him, gently at first, then more urgently. He let himself run his good right hand over her skin, but she did most of the touching that night. She took the lead, being both a comfort and a balm for his aching heart and soul. Somewhere in the midst of all that, he forgot everything except for the way her skin felt, how gentle her touch was, how good it felt to be nestled deep inside her, and he let her take care of him.

When he woke up in the middle of the night, she was sleeping on her stomach next to him, her breathing deep and even. He slid out of bed gently, careful not to wake her. He padded out of the bedroom and down the hall to the guest bedroom. He got down on his knees, next to the bed, and reached for the overnight case Rayna had stored under the bed and then forgotten about. He opened it and found the bottle of whiskey, half empty. He sat on the floor and opened it, looking at it. He sighed deeply and then tipped the bottle up to his lips and drank. Drank until he had buried the guilt, for that night at least.

 _ **A/N: The song Deacon hears in the bar is called 'Let Her Go' by Passenger. I heard it performed one night at the Opry by The Travelin' McCoury's and was instantly obsessed by it. So that's the version Deacon hears that night.**_

 _ **Thank you so much for your reviews. I love hearing what you think about each chapter.**_


	11. 1998

_**This is a long chapter – a lot happened in 1998.**_

 **Rayna**

She told him twice. The first time was after she'd picked him up from jail, when he was badly hungover and had bruises on his face and knuckles and cuts on his chin and arm. The second time was when he'd sobered up after she'd had to perform at the Opry without him. Both times he cried and begged for another chance, promised her he would make things work, that he would do better. But he'd never been able to keep those promises. She didn't know any more if it was that he didn't want to or he was incapable, but it honestly didn't matter. He'd failed her over and over again and dragged her down into the dark hole with him.

She loved him with all her heart and it was the only thing that had kept her there so long. She didn't want to be there at the end, didn't think she could bear it. She finally realized that no amount of love was going to fix him. And so she told him that, if he couldn't pull himself together, if he couldn't beat this, that they were done. That she would walk away and divorce him.

The two times she told him seemed to have an impact, at least for a little while. She told him the second time that there wouldn't be a third warning. And she meant it.

 **Deacon**

When he came to, he was lying in a truck bed. He squinted against the sunlight and rolled onto his side. He had a wicked headache and his mouth tasted like stale whiskey and puke. His stomach rolled and he threw up, mostly bile. He forced himself to sit up and recognized he was in the bed of his own truck. He felt his pockets and was relieved to find his wallet, keys and phone. But as he looked around, he had no idea where he was. He tried to remember what he'd been doing or where he might have been going, but his mind was a blank. He knew he'd been drinking, because his body told him he had. He felt sore and achy on top of everything else.

He tried to get up, but his head was pounding. He wondered how long he'd been in the truck. When he looked at his clothes, they were wrinkled, with spots of puke, and he could tell he smelled bad. He felt gritty and dirty. When he touched his hair it felt greasy. It was hot and he could tell it would get hotter, so he forced himself to crawl across the truck bed. He managed to lower the tailgate and he slid out. Standing up, holding onto the side of the truck, he felt overwhelmingly dizzy and he puked again. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and dragged himself to the door of the truck. He managed to get himself inside and then he passed out again.

* * *

When he came to the second time, he felt slightly better, but still couldn't remember anything. He started to cry, knowing that whatever had gone on, it wasn't good. _Rayna._ He thought about her and knew she'd be worried. And angry. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, but it was dead. He opened the glove compartment and fumbled inside for the charger. He forced himself to sit up and start the truck, then plugged in the phone. When it lit up, he saw that he had missed calls and messages, from both Rayna and Coleman. He choked on a sob and managed to dial Rayna's number, his hands shaking violently. Then he laid down on the seat.

"Deacon! Deacon!" came Rayna's screaming voice. "Oh, my God, where are you?"

 **Rayna**

Rayna rang the doorbell and waited. When the door opened, she smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry to show up unannounced," she said. She breathed in, a deep, shuddering breath, as tears started to spill over on her cheeks.

Bucky looked concerned and reached for her arm. "It's okay, Rayna," he said. "Come on in." She followed him in and let him lead her into his den. "What's going on?" he asked, as she collapsed onto the loveseat.

She reached up and wiped her face. She started to speak, but the emotions of the past few days overwhelmed her and she started to cry.

Bucky hovered. "Can I get you something?" he asked.

She looked up at him and smiled a little at the concern on his face. She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I finally heard from Deacon," she said, feeling the hysteria rising and she breathed in again.

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. Rayna had been frantic, not knowing where Deacon was. "Where was he?" he asked.

She swallowed hard. Her head was pounding and she still felt sick to her stomach. "Not all that far away, actually," she said, with an ironic laugh. "Near Portland. I don't know if he was on his way to the cabin or on his way back. But he called early this morning." She choked on a sob. "He had no idea where he was or even how long he'd been gone."

Bucky sat down next to her and put his arm around her. "Well, at least you heard from him. Where is he now?"

She sat up, breathing in and out. "At Vanderbilt." His blood-alcohol level was still really high and he was pretty dehydrated. "He was in really bad shape." She rubbed her face and then looked at her manager. She breathed out. "He'll stay overnight and come home tomorrow." She shook her head. "I can't keep doing this, Buck," she said. "I did a lot of thinking over the last few days about what's next."

Bucky looked at her encouragingly. "I'm guessing you made some decisions then," he said.

She nodded. "I did. Hard decisions." She breathed in again. "I'm gonna fire him from my band. I can't depend on him and it's not fair to the rest of the guys. I'll have to find someone new, soon though."

Bucky nodded solemnly. "How do you think he'll take it?"

"Not well. He's gonna be very angry and it could set him off again." She squeezed her hands together. "That's the other part of what I thought about. I really hate to say it, but I don't think I'm strong enough to keep doing this. To keep holding him up." She choked on the last words and then started to cry again. Bucky put his arms around her, comforting her. "I just don't know what to do anymore," she cried. "I'm so tired. And this is all so exhausting. And I know it's hurting me."

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

She sat up and looked at him. "I think that as long as he has me, he's always going to rely on me. To be there, no matter what. He knows he can fall and I'll pick him up. And I can't keep doing that."

Bucky's eyes got wide. "What does that mean?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just really don't know. I mean, I _love_ him, Buck, but this is just wearing me down. It's tearing me up inside." She tried to smile. "I've _got_ to make some decisions. About rehab – again – maybe and what's next. I can't let this keep going on. For his sake." She sighed. "I wonder, if he knew he didn't have me to hold him up, if he'd figure it out? Or is he not strong enough? I'm so scared for him. I really do think, if he doesn't figure this out, he's gonna die of this."

Bucky rubbed her arm. "Rayna, you know I love both you and Deacon, but you're my priority. I think you need to do whatever you have to so that you can keep going. Deacon's problems can sure drag you down and this isn't the time for that." He smiled encouragingly. "You know I'll support whatever you decide."

She smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Buck. I appreciate it."

 **Coleman**

Rayna and Deacon were two people he loved more than almost anyone except his wife. He'd known Rayna since she was a little girl, back when his mother was the housekeeper at the Wyatt home and Lamar Wyatt had taken a young black boy under his wing. He loved Rayna and Tandy both, but Rayna was the one he'd always felt drawn to, with her sweet nature and her genuineness.

He'd liked Deacon from the start, appreciating the way the young man doted on Rayna. The one thing Cole never doubted was Deacon's love for Rayna. It had pained him to see the other man's descent into alcoholism and the pain it had caused Rayna. After Deacon's second try at rehab, Cole had volunteered to be the younger man's sponsor. Cole remembered only too clearly how it felt to get caught in the web of addiction. Being Deacon's sponsor had helped solidify his own commitment to sobriety.

It had saddened him, though, to see Deacon's continuing struggle. What he had come to realize was that his friend was relying too much on his wife to hold him up. And, as much as he loved Rayna, he hated to see how she was always there to catch him when he fell, never really holding him accountable. Deacon didn't think he could do it without Rayna and she never really told him otherwise.

Deep in his heart, he felt like the two of them together were like a firestorm and he truly doubted Deacon would ever get better unless he had to stand on his own. Deacon was Rayna's addiction, in his opinion, and he sadly watched them both fight to stay in control. He only wondered who would take the first step towards conquering that curse.

His heart truly hurt for the two of them.

 **Rayna**

She had been at the small studio down near Franklin all day, listening to guitarists. She hadn't told Deacon where she was going or what she was doing. They'd been arguing all the time since he'd come home from the hospital and she had decided to make her decision on a new bandleader before she gave him the news.

Life since Vince's death had been hard. Deacon had fallen deeply back into his black hole and she was exhausted trying to keep things together. He'd go missing for as long as a day at a time, but the scariest part were the blackouts. He'd had those before, but now they seemed to happen with frightening regularity. There were long stretches of time he just couldn't recall. She tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, but the thought of it still frightened her.

Bucky had lined up five guitarists. They'd been told she was considering adding a guitarist. If any of them thought that was odd, none raised the concern. She and Bucky had allowed an hour per guitarist, so that they had time to hear them and ask questions. At the end of the day, she had surprised both herself and Bucky with her choice.

" _I like Adria, Buck," she said. "She has an ease to her and an edge to her performance that I like. I think she could lead the band. I like her approach."_

 _Bucky smiled. "I like her too. I checked on how she is at arranging and got good feedback. Interestingly, one person even told me she's almost as good as Deacon." He looked at her and she smiled a little sadly._

" _Well, the truth is we can't really replace him a hundred percent. When he's fully present, there's no one better. You know that. But I think she's good enough and I'd like to give her a shot." She breathed in. "What did you tell them?"_

" _That it would be a week or so before we made a decision." He raised his eyebrows as though looking for confirmation._

 _She sighed. "That gives me a week to figure out how I'm gonna tell him, I guess," she said. She looked down and then got up and picked up her purse. "Thanks, Buck. I'll let you know." And she walked out._

As she drove back towards Nashville, she felt incredibly sad that things had gone this way. She knew he'd be angry, furious actually, and she expected a real fight. Beyond that, it was all uncertain. She was afraid of two things – that he would stay in the cycle and that it would get worse, or that it would be the end for them. She had tried to prepare herself for both possibilities, knowing she had to be prepared either way.

Suddenly tears filled her eyes and she found herself crying. _He's the love of my life. I am connected to him at the core. I don't want to let him go, but I don't think I'm helping him anymore._ When she got off the highway, she pulled over and dried her tears, giving herself some time to get her emotions back under control. When she felt like she had, she headed for home.

* * *

When she got home, she walked into the bedroom and saw an empty, unmade bed. He was gone. Again. She sat down on the edge of the bed and wept. Again. And when she was all cried out, she got up and packed her suitcases. She left him a note, telling him she was leaving and that she'd be back for the rest of her things. She drove away from the house they'd shared with a sense of sad resolve.

Three days later, she had moved into a furnished apartment and had filed for divorce.

 **Deacon**

He didn't know how long she'd been gone. Or how long _he'd_ been gone, for that matter. He walked in the door and called for her, but she didn't answer. He looked in the bedroom, but she wasn't there. She wasn't in the kitchen either, but there was an envelope taped to the fridge, with his name on it. He pulled it down and opened it, pulling out the single sheet of paper. He frowned as he read. _Deacon, I can't do this anymore. I've tried and tried to help you, but you just don't seem to want help. I'm leaving and I'll be back in a few days for the rest of my things. I love you, but I can't live this way anymore. Rayna._

He read it over three times. Then he rushed to the bedroom. He opened the closet and her clothes were gone. Everything was gone from the dresser. Her toiletries were gone from the bathroom. At first he started to panic, but then he got angry. He ran to his truck and found his phone under the front seat. When he tried to turn it on, it was dead. Just as he was walking up the steps, he heard a voice call out.

"Mr. Claybourne?"

He turned around and saw an older man, dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. He frowned. "What?" he snarled.

The man handed him an envelope. "You've been served," he said, then turned and walked quickly away.

Deacon waved the envelope. "Hey!" he shouted back. "What the hell?" But the man hurried down the street, jumped in a car and drove off. Deacon looked at the envelope and then walked back into the house. He plugged in the phone first, then picked up the envelope. All it had was his name on the outside. He turned it over and opened it, pulling out the papers inside.

* * *

He woke up and felt disoriented. He was stiff and his head was pounding. When he finally got his eyes opened and focused, he could see he was in a jail cell and was wearing an orange jail jumpsuit. He sat up and nearly passed out, so he laid back down. He looked at his hands and noticed bruises and cuts on them. He rubbed his face, trying to remember what had happened and why he was here, but everything was a blank. The last thing he remembered was going home and Rayna was gone.

* * *

Cole sat across from him. Deacon rubbed his face. "What's going on, Cole?" he asked. His head still hurt and his whole body ached.

"You don't remember?" Deacon shook his head. Cole sighed. "You went over to Rayna's apartment and you basically destroyed it. Does that ring a bell?"

Deacon put his head in his hands and thought. He really couldn't remember the last time he actually saw Rayna. Then he looked up at Cole. "What do you mean, her _apartment_?" He scowled. "Since when does she live in an _apartment_?"

Cole looked at him sadly. "She moved out, Deacon. You don't remember that?" Deacon shook his head. "Do you remember how many days you've been drinking?" Deacon shook his head. Cole sighed. "So, here's where we are. You've been pretty out of control. Rayna finally couldn't do it anymore and she left. She's filed for divorce, Deacon, and she's let you go from her band."

Deacon felt overwhelmed. He felt tears in his eyes. "So I can't go home til I get better?" he asked.

Cole shook his head. "It's not that simple, Deacon. I'm afraid it's over. Rayna's filed for divorce."

Deacon started to cry. "What am I gonna do without her?" he asked.

"I think, first of all, you need to accept that it's over. Then she's agreed to send you to rehab…."

Deacon looked up. "No. No more rehab. I can't do that. Isn't there something else?"

"Well, you haven't done a good job of managing this on your own."

Deacon felt like he couldn't breathe. _If I have to go back to one of those places…I just can't._ "Please, Cole, there's gotta be something else. I promise, I'll go to meetings, I'll work the program, but I can't do rehab again." He rubbed his eyes. "I done lost everything, sounds like. My best friend. My wife." He looked at Cole. "There's gotta be another answer. Another way." He shook his head. "If I get better, will Rayna take me back?"

Cole breathed in. "I don't think so, Deacon, but she's the only one who can answer that."

Cole's words were like a knife to his heart and he felt like he could hardly breathe. "Can I talk to her?"

"Deacon, after what happened, I think she's…."

He put his head in his hands. "She's afraid of me," he whispered.

"I think she's afraid of what you'll do."

Deacon lowered his head, wondering if he'd lost Rayna forever.

 **Rayna**

 _I actually filed for divorce from Deacon. I never thought we'd come to this place. When I said my vows, I meant them, and I meant for it to be forever. But I just couldn't stay and watch him destroy himself._

 _It's the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. Actually I_ _know_ _it is. My heart is shattered into a million little pieces right now. I loved Deacon with my whole heart and I love him still. I think I'll always love him. He knows me so well. Like I know him. Except for this one piece of him. I don't think I can ever know the demons that torture him and why they won't leave him._

 _He's so hurt and devastated. I am too. I don't know if he understands how much this is killing me. He's my heart, my soul, he's everything to me. And walking away from him hurts. I wanted to be there. I told him I'd always be there. But I can't anymore._

 _I can't watch the love of my life destroy himself anymore. And I truly hope one day he understands. And forgives me._

 **Watty**

She came to see him the day the divorce was final. He held her while she cried on his shoulder. He fixed her a cup of tea and then just sat with her as she drank it silently. He'd never seen her look as devastated as she did that day.

He wondered later what would happen. That she would pick herself up, dust herself off, and get back to the business of being Rayna Jaymes, he had no doubt. She was standing at the top of the mountain, as far as her career was concerned, and he knew that would carry her. For now. She'd mine her heartbreak for music, that he already knew. She'd be fierce on stage and that would take her mind off her heartbreak. But would she ever truly get over Deacon? They had been so knitted together for so long, so entwined together in such a way that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. He was afraid there would be an emptiness inside her that she would never truly fully heal from.

 **Rayna**

She didn't cry as much as she did in the beginning. The night Deacon broke every stick of furniture in her apartment had been a wakeup call. She'd stayed busy, working on her album, preparing for her tour. The new lead guitar player was working out well. It felt different to be working with someone other than Deacon, but as the days and weeks went by she was adjusting. As long as she stayed busy, it kept her from thinking about the pain of leaving him. She put all her pain into a little box and pushed it as far into the recesses of her soul as she could manage.

She was also dating someone, which had surprised her. Tandy had introduced her to Teddy Conrad at a party she'd dragged Rayna to. Teddy was nice, polite, handsome. When he'd asked her out, she wanted to say no, but found herself saying yes. It turned out he was exactly the kind of man she needed. He was the opposite of Deacon in almost every way and she found herself enjoying a more low key kind of relationship.

Over time, she told him about her relationship with Deacon. Teddy was a sympathetic ear, listening but not judging, and she found herself liking him more and more. The divorce was complicated, with their joint ownership of the bungalow and publishing contracts they were in together. Teddy listened when she complained or cried or got angry at how long things were taking or how complex they were or how difficult Deacon was making things. As time went on, though, she found herself seeking him out, letting herself relax into the relationship. Life with Deacon had been fireworks and passion, but it had also been the most tumultuous period of her life. This thing with Teddy was what she needed.

Just before the divorce was final, she told Teddy she loved him. It was a very different love than what she'd had with Deacon, but she believed in it. She finally felt some peace in her life.

 **Deacon**

Cole found him a place at a sober house in town. Even though Rayna had left him, he was determined to at least try to stay sober, to show her he could do it. There were a lot of rules at the sober house and he worked hard to follow them. It wasn't easy, but he tried to follow Rayna's advice – _wake up each day and decide you're gonna stay sober_. Luckily Watty was finding him session work, which kept him busy. As each day passed, he felt stronger, but it was still hard.

He kept hoping to hear from Rayna, but she never called. Then he saw a tabloid at a convenience store with a picture of her and her new boyfriend. He picked it up and looked at it. She looked happy. He dropped the magazine and left the store, heading for the first bar he could find. When Coleman finally found him, he told him he'd been kicked out of the sober house. Now he was on his own.

* * *

When he'd woken up in the alley behind a bar, he couldn't remember how he got there or how long he'd been there. What he did remember was that he was all alone and on his own. His hangover was wicked, the thing that always made him wonder why he did this to himself. He looked down at his hands and he saw that he was still wearing his wedding ring. He leaned back and closed his eyes, the raw pain leaving him breathless. That's when he'd decided to take one step at a time and beat this thing.

* * *

He slowly walked up the steps of his house. He stood on the front porch and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He felt a little shaky. His head hurt and his mouth tasted like the Sahara desert. He'd been to a meeting, promising himself he was going to figure this out for himself. He could smell himself and he was surprised that the other meeting attendees hadn't cleared a wide berth around him.

He shuffled his way to the door and fumbled in his pocket for his keys. He dropped them and bent over to pick them up, nearly passing out when he did. But he managed to stand back up and he steadied himself by putting his hand on the stone beside the door. He breathed out and then he put the key in the lock, turning it, and opening the door.

After he closed the door behind him, he stood there and looked around. It felt empty, even though there was furniture. It looked neglected, which didn't surprise him. He'd been gone for weeks. He could see dust trails in the sunbeams and dust on the furniture. There was a coffee mug still on the coffee table and when he walked over and picked it up, it had a film of mold in it.

There was probably no food in the house, at least not anything still edible. But he wasn't really hungry. He wanted a drink, but he reminded himself he couldn't have one. He sighed. Then he walked slowly into the bedroom. As he looked around, he had a lump in his throat. The bed was still unmade. He breathed in and thought he could still smell her there.

He wasn't really sure how he was going to go on without her, but he'd have to figure out a way.

 **Rayna**

All the way to the cabin, Rayna kept rethinking her decision to go at all. It would have been easier to just tell Deacon they didn't need to talk about the cabin. She'd let him keep it – he was the legal owner, after all – knowing she would never go there again. But it had been her dream house and she'd spent a lot of time lovingly creating a place there that would be essentially a love nest for the two of them, some place they could retire to one day. Of course, that wasn't going to happen now. Although it probably would always hold a special place in her heart. But he'd been insistent, told her he was doing better, staying sober, and she surely didn't want a repeat of what had happened after he'd gotten the divorce papers. Coleman had confirmed to her that, after a bump in the road, he was doing the work, going to meetings. So as every mile fell behind her, she kept driving.

* * *

When she got to the house, the sun was starting to get low in the sky, which made her wish she'd come earlier. Deacon's truck was already there. She took a deep breath, not sure what she'd be facing when she walked in the door. She finally got out of her car and walked slowly up the steps and down the porch. When she got to the sliding doors, she hesitated and then opened them. He was standing in the kitchen and she looked at him warily. He didn't say anything as she approached and she walked up to the opposite side of the island and laid her purse down on the countertop.

"Hey," she said, putting a smile on her face. Until that day, she hadn't seen him since the incident at her apartment. They had signed the divorce papers separately and at that point, she considered the relationship over. Seeing him now made it hard to breathe.

"Hey, Ray," he said. "Thanks for coming."

He looked good. His eyes looked clear, he looked clean. It made her heart beat a little faster. _Has he actually cleaned up his act? Is he actually trying to make sober work?_ She hoped so, for his sake, but she didn't want to let that sway her. He'd always been able to make sober work, at least for a while, and she'd learned not to trust it. She didn't want to fall into her old patterns with him. "You look good, Deacon," she said.

He nodded. "I'm doing good, like I told you. Going to my meetings, working the program."

She just smiled. "So, what did we need to talk about here? Are there things you don't want? Because I'm still okay with just leaving it all with you."

He frowned a little. "You sure? 'Cause a lot of this was yours. Stuff you picked out." He walked around the island then and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

" _You_ bought this place," she said, trying to make sure her voice stayed calm. He was standing maybe a foot away from her.

She could see hurt in his eyes. "I bought it for _you_ , Rayna," he said quietly. "It's _your_ dream house."

She lifted her shoulder. "I know you did, but I don't think I'd ever use it. And I know you like to come here and fish and stuff." He stepped a little closer and she felt her heart fluttering.

He reached for her hand. She wanted to snatch it away, but she just took a step back, trying to make sure he knew she wasn't here for anything. "Can we just sit and talk?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know why we need to, Deacon," she said. "The cabin is yours. I haven't changed my mind."

"Please, Rayna," he said, stepping closer to her. "I just wanna talk to you. We never really talked about all this."

She could feel tears in her eyes. "Yes, we did talk…."

He shook his head. "Not when I was sober. And I'm sober now. I wanna talk about this before we, I don't know, really walk away." He stepped closer to her and she felt like she couldn't breathe. "You're still my family, Ray," he said quietly.

She reached up and wiped away a tear that threatened to roll down her cheek. "You're my family too, Deacon," she said. "But we can't… _I_ can't keep doing this."

"Let's sit," he said again and she let him lead her over to the couch. He sat across from her on the coffee table and leaned forward. He took her hands in his. "I been sober since, well, since that night." She knew he meant the night he'd broken every stick of furniture in her apartment. She didn't really think it had been that long, but she also didn't want to argue with him. "I wanna win you back, Ray. I know you been dating that Teddy Conrad, but I don't want you to anymore. I want us to work this out."

She shook her head. "I don't know, Deacon. We've tried so many times and I just can't do this with you anymore."

He looked in her eyes and she could see his sincerity. "Rayna, we love each other. We're _in_ love with each other. I know that's still true." He kissed the top of her hand and then kissed the inside of her wrist. She looked down. "Tell me you don't feel that," he whispered. She could feel the tears building. "Look at me, Rayna."

When she looked into his eyes, she could feel herself being drawn in. She _did_ still love him, she _was_ still in love with him. She didn't think that would ever change. _Maybe this all scared him though. Made him realize everything he risked losing._ She breathed in. And then she smiled, just a little. And he smiled back at her.

He leaned in and kissed her and then she pulled him towards her. All she could think about was that he didn't taste of whiskey and puke, that he didn't smell like sweat, that his arms around her felt so good and she wanted him so bad. He pushed her back on the couch and kissed her the way she loved. She forgot all about divorce decrees and Teddy Conrad and their painful past as she let herself be carried away by the hope that he'd turned it all around.

* * *

She didn't know how late it was when he finally picked her up off the floor and carried her into their bedroom. She didn't care about anything except for the way he had made her feel, the feel of his skin against hers, how he felt inside her. He laid her in the bed and curled himself around her back, kissing the back of her neck, lazily trailing his fingers over her breasts until she started moaning softly. He whispered in her ear all the ways he wanted to love her and she begged him to do them all.

She had never felt quite like this before. Somehow everything he did to her, everything she did to him seemed more… _something_. She couldn't describe it in her head, but it felt different. _She_ felt different. And when her breathing finally returned to normal and she felt his arm close around her waist, she finally fell asleep, feeling like she'd come back home where she belonged.

* * *

She could hardly breathe and she couldn't stop crying. She was shaking, as she drove down the highway back to Nashville. She tried to take deep breaths, but she felt like she was choking. Her hands were gripping the wheel tightly. She kept seeing him, lying on the couch in the great room, that nearly empty bottle of whiskey next to him on the coffee table. That was bad enough. It had made her feel foolish, that she had believed him that he was getting sober. But the fact that he didn't know why she was there, didn't even remember that she had been there the night before, _that_ had devastated her.

He had tried to talk to her, to explain, to beg her to listen, but she had pushed him away. She'd fled to the bedroom and locked the door, hurriedly putting her clothes back on from the night before. He kept banging on the door, begging her to talk to him, and when she finally did come out, she could hardly look at him. She pushed past him and stumbled down the porch to her car. He trailed after her, but she was able to get her door closed and locked.

She could still hear him. _Please, Rayna, baby, please. Talk to me. Please talk to me._ But she couldn't. She could hardly bear to look at him and she felt so stupid. So deceived. She backed out and got onto the road and left him behind. She was done. _They_ were done. It was really over.

 _ **~nashville~**_

When the phone rang, Rayna was jolted out of a deep sleep. She sat up, her heart pounding. For a second, she couldn't remember where she was or what day it was or even what time it was. She heard the answering machine pick up. _Hey, I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message._ She breathed in and out, wondering who would be on the other end. After the beep, she heard _Rayna, it's Teddy. Just checking in on you._ She breathed a sigh of relief that it was only Teddy. But she still felt sick to her stomach. Everything was such an awful mess and she wasn't quite sure what the right next thing to do would be.

She got out of bed. Her head was pounding. She looked at the clock and saw that it was four-thirty in the afternoon. She tried, and failed, to shake the cobwebs out of her head. She walked into the kitchen and put a pot of water on to heat up. Then she walked over to the answering machine. There were three messages. She swallowed hard. She didn't think Deacon had her phone number, but she hadn't thought he knew where she lived either and she had been wrong about that. She pressed the play button.

The first message was from Tandy. _Hey babe, I was hoping I'd catch you. I'm feeling a girls' shopping trip. You up for Saturday at the mall? Let me know._ Rayna erased the message. Right now she had no interest in shopping.

The second message was from Cole. _Rayna, I got him checked in. Did the ninety day program, like we discussed._ There was a pause. _It's gonna be okay._ She put her hand to her eyes, as the tears started to fill her eyes. She felt sick to her stomach. She wasn't sure at all that it was going to be okay. Four times in rehab. She was starting to wonder if he'd ever be able to do this. _Is he just doomed to this life? Is it going to kill him?_ She started to cry and then she breathed in, willing herself to push it down, compartmentalize it, just like she did everything else. She couldn't help him anymore. He wasn't her responsibility anymore. She had to move on.

She erased the message from Teddy without listening to it again. The kettle started to whistle and she went over and put a teabag in a cup and poured the hot water over it. She took the cup and set it on the kitchen table and then picked up her phone and called Teddy.

* * *

When she answered the door, she felt both a sense of relief and a deep sadness. There stood Teddy, smiling, normal, _sober_ Teddy. She didn't feel that same gnawing need for him that she felt for Deacon, but she thought maybe what she'd felt for Deacon all this time was unhealthy. An obsession. What she felt for Teddy felt…healthy. She smiled at him. "Hey, Teddy," she said. "Come on in."

He walked in and kissed her on the cheek, then looked at her carefully. "You look tired," he said. "You okay?"

She shrugged. "Yeah," she said. Then she shook her head. "No, I'm not okay." She took his hand. "I want to talk to you." She led him to the couch and they sat. She noticed he looked worried. "Teddy, I did something I'm not really proud of and I want to talk to you about it. It might change how you feel about me and if it does, I'll understand. I don't want to hurt you but I also don't want to lie to you."

He frowned. "I don't understand."

She breathed in. "Yesterday, when I told you I had studio business, that wasn't true. Well, it was sort of true, because I did actually go over to the studio to listen to some tracks for the album. But when I was there, I ran into Deacon." Teddy stiffened. "You know, I hadn't seen him since we signed the divorce papers and he looked good. I'd heard he was going to meetings, following his program, which is good. Even though we split up, I still want him to be healthy." She swallowed. "Anyway, we talked and he wanted us to go up and talk about the cabin. The place at the lake that we own." There was no sense in going into the whole business of why Deacon had bought the cabin in the first place, or that it was really his, not theirs. "I didn't want to, but it seemed important to him, so I did." She twisted her hands in her lap and looked down at them. "I really didn't mean for anything to happen and I know I should never have gone there…."

"You slept with him." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and Teddy's voice was clipped.

She looked up at him. His jaw was tense and she could see the hurt in his eyes. She nodded. "I did. And it was wrong. I knew it right away." She breathed in. "I found out he's actually not okay at all and he fooled me."

He was silent for a moment. "Would you have gone back to him?" he asked.

She started to cry then. "He wanted me to." She looked down again, knowing she hadn't answered his question. "I should never have gone. It was such a mistake. I was right to keep him out of my life, I know that now. Divorcing him was the right thing to do." She looked up at him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Teddy. I'm happier than I've been in such a long time. I feel at peace when I'm with you and I like that. Actually, I _love_ that." She bit her lip. "And I love you. I know you might be angry with me and not want to see me anymore, but I hope that's not the case. You've really turned my life around and you've given me everything I ever wanted." She breathed out. "The only positive thing that happened from my going up there is that I know it's truly over. I can't go back to that. And I hope you'll forgive me."

He looked at her, the hurt in his eyes tearing her up inside. She had made a terrible choice and now she realized she might lose her chance to have a normal life, a healthy life. He took a deep breath and stood up. She stood up with him. "I need to think about it, Rayna," he said. "I just don't know." And then he turned and walked out of her apartment, closing the door behind him. She slowly collapsed down onto the couch and silently wept.

* * *

He didn't make her wait long. She had let Tandy talk her into lunch at the country club the following Saturday. She had come to the conclusion that things were over with Teddy, but she felt an unexpected sadness about that. She was uncharacteristically quiet and introspective, thinking about the mess she'd made of her life, letting her old feelings for Deacon cloud her judgement. She was picking at her food, responding to Tandy in one or two word answers, when Tandy looked past her and smiled. "Teddy," she said. "What a nice surprise."

Rayna turned to look at Teddy standing there, not looking at Tandy but at her. She realized later that Tandy had gotten her to come at Teddy's request, but at that moment, she felt a sense of relief she wasn't sure she had the right to feel. "Tandy. Rayna," he said, with a tight smile.

Tandy put her napkin down. "You know, I see someone over there I really need to talk to about a project." She stood up. "Have a seat, Teddy, and y'all catch up." She smiled at Rayna, patting her on the shoulder, and then walked away quickly. Rayna and Teddy both watched her walk off and then she followed him with her eyes as he moved to take Tandy's seat.

They just looked at each other for a moment and then Teddy said, with a sigh, "I've thought about everything you said, Rayna. And maybe I'm making a mistake, but I love you and I hope we can build a life together. I know you have a really complicated history with Deacon but I'm willing to move past this."

She smiled. She felt like he was the right person to move forward with, to have that life she'd always wanted. Teddy was solid, the person she wanted to build a future with. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand, feeling a sense of relief.

* * *

That future was tested again, a month later, when she discovered she was pregnant. With Deacon's baby.

 **Deacon**

Deacon stood and watched Rayna drive away. He thought about going after her, but he didn't even know why she'd been there in the first place. He struggled to remember, but everything was a blank until she had smacked him on the arm.

" _Hey!" she said, her voice angry. He jerked up, his brain all fogged up, not even exactly sure for a second where he was. He looked at her, surprised to see her there. "You been drinking?" she asked, her voice shaking._

" _No," he said, still shaking the cobwebs away._

 _She nodded her head towards the coffee table. "You just been drinking? All night?"_

 _He turned and looked. There was an almost empty bottle of whiskey on the table. His head was pounding and his mouth tasted like sandpaper, which meant he probably had been drinking. But he couldn't really remember. "Maybe," he choked out, rubbing a hand over his eyes._

" _Were you drunk last night?" she asked. He got up and walked around the couch towards her. His head felt like an anvil was pounding on it and his stomach rolled. He reached for her. "Don't touch me!" she screamed and backed up, slapping his hands away. She looked devastated. "Were you drunk when you talked to me last night?"_

" _Talked to you about what?" She seemed to choke on a sob and then she turned away. "Rayna!" he shouted, going after her as she ran from him, but she slammed the bedroom door in his face and he heard her lock it. He pounded on the door. "Rayna! Rayna! Please, baby!" But there was nothing he could do but wait. And when she did come out, she pushed past him and took off in her car._

He stood a moment longer, then went back in the house. He stood in the great room and looked around, then went into the kitchen and, stepping up on the small ladder, he opened up one of the upper cabinets. He reached in and wrapped his hand around a bottle, pulling it out. He took it to the couch where he'd been sleeping and opened it. He took a deep breath and then he lifted it to his lips and took a long swallow, squeezing his eyes shut when the burn hit his throat. He breathed in and then wiped his mouth. He sat back against the back of the couch and lifted it up again.

* * *

"Deacon!" A deep voice was calling his name, seeming to come from a faraway place. "Deacon!" A hand shook him, jerked at his arm. He swung his arm, but whoever it was caught it. "Get up right now!" He took a deep breath and then his stomach turned over and he puked on the floor. Everything seemed to fade to black.

The next thing he remembered was being in a car. The motion of the car made his head hurt and his guts clench. "Pull over," he mumbled. The car stopped and he barely got the car door open before he puked on the asphalt. He felt a hand on his back and when he finally pulled himself back to a seated position, he looked over and saw Cole, who handed him a towel. He wiped off his mouth and then closed his eyes and he was gone again.

* * *

He'd been in this hell hole for over a month. When he'd dried out and was told where he was and why, he was furious. He and Rayna were divorced. His best friend was dead. His life was over. He'd lost everything. There was no reason to be here, nothing to get sober for anymore. He packed up his duffle and walked out, heading down the road to the highway. Then he stood with his thumb out, waiting for someone to stop and give him a ride.

 **Rayna**

The last time she'd been late, it was stress. Although she tried to tell herself that's all it was, this time she knew it wasn't stress. She had slept with Deacon at the cabin and now she was pregnant. She and Deacon were divorced, she was moving on with Teddy, and now this. She took a deep breath and then made herself get out of the car and walk into the drugstore. She'd driven west on I-40, getting off the highway near Yellow Springs. She had tucked her hair into a baseball cap and she had no makeup on. But the man behind the counter looked like he was a hundred years old and he hardly looked at her as he rang up the pregnancy test.

When she got back in the car, her hands were shaking and she wanted to throw up. By the time she got back to her apartment, she'd given herself a headache. She went into the bathroom and sat on the side of the tub, clutching the box in her hand. She started to cry, not wanting to do it. But she knew she couldn't just ignore it.

She opened the box, nearly dropping it because her hands were shaking so hard. There were two tests in the box. She pulled one out and read the instructions. She took a deep breath. Then she finally sat on the toilet and pee'd on the stick and laid it on the sink. She got up and pulled up her jeans, then went into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea while she waited.

When she went back into the bathroom and looked at the test, she burst into tears when she saw the pink plus sign.

* * *

 _What were the odds that Deacon would choose now to walk away from rehab?_ The thought kept ricocheting through her head the whole ride up to the cabin. Tandy had agreed to drive her, when she'd realized Deacon had skipped out on rehab and had not returned to the East Nashville bungalow. They found him at the cabin, but he was so wasted that Tandy was able to talk her out of telling him she was pregnant.

She could not believe how screwed up her life was. She had always prided herself on holding things together. She had survived nearly ten years of marriage keeping her private life private. To the world, she was Rayna Jaymes, the Queen of Country Music, with a skyrocketing career and a gorgeous husband, the envy of most everyone. Only she, and a handful of others, knew the hardships she'd faced and the exhaustion of keeping her secrets. And now it was all going to blow up in her face.

She spent the whole drive back to Nashville rolling through all the possible scenarios in her head, as she worked to craft her strategy for this most challenging obstacle yet.

 **Tandy**

Tandy had a regular, full time job. A very demanding job. But her other job, now, was making sure Rayna didn't make another mistake. Making sure she married Teddy Conrad and moved on with her life, without Deacon Claybourne. This was her sister's chance to change the narrative of her life.

 **Rayna**

Rayna felt like she was in a daze as she went through the motions of planning her wedding to Teddy. It was going to be a simple affair, and obviously quickly put together, but Tandy seemed to want to be in charge and she let her. The morning after she'd bought her dress, she woke up and it was like a fog had been lifted from around her. Maybe it was that dress hanging on the outside of the closet door. Or maybe it was that she woke up without feeling nauseous for the first time in weeks. Whatever it was, everything seemed to snap into focus and she knew exactly what she needed to do next.

* * *

"Oh, sweetie, I don't know if that's a good plan at all," Tandy said over breakfast.

Rayna was ravenous, for the first time in weeks, and she finished her eggs before she responded to her sister. Then she set her fork down and looked at Tandy. "I don't care, Tandy," she said. "It's my life and it's my choice how I want to live it. So, yes, I will marry Teddy, because I know he can give me the kind of life I want right now. And because he'll be a good, stable father for my baby. But I am going to tell Deacon. It's his baby and he has a right to know, even if he can't provide that stable life. I have never lied to Deacon about anything and I'm not going to start now."

Tandy sighed. "But you saw how he was…."

Rayna shrugged. "I did. And the only reason I didn't tell him then is because I wasn't going to do that while he was drunk. When he wouldn't even be able to process it. At least now he can do that. He can make decisions about what _he_ wants to do."

"Are you at least going to wait until after the wedding to tell him? So he doesn't have a chance to talk you out of it?"

Rayna nodded. "I am, but no longer than that. The longer I wait, the harder it will be. I can't just show up with my belly out to here" – she held her hand out in front of her – "and say, oh, by the way, we're having a baby. Tandy, I really do want him to make rehab work this time, so I can't wait until the end of that. He needs time to process it and hopefully they can help him figure out how to manage through it. But I don't know if he can do this. I mean, this is his _fifth_ time in rehab. That's just ridiculous. We could be doing this forever. So I need to tell him and be done with it."

"Have you at least talked to Teddy about it?" Tandy screwed up her forehead.

Rayna nodded. "I did. We talked about it last night. He wasn't happy about it, but he agreed." She made it sound easier than it had been. Teddy had been furious and, at one point, she'd thought he was going to walk away. She pointed her finger at Tandy. "And, if it makes you feel any better, the deal will be that Deacon has to stay sober for a year after he gets out of rehab or he can't have a relationship with the baby." She could see that Tandy was unconvinced, but she didn't care. As she'd said, this was her life and she would make the decisions about it.

* * *

 _I'm marrying Teddy Conrad this afternoon. I'm looking at my dress, hanging on the back of the door. When you decide to get married in a month, you don't have a lot of choice about dresses. This one isn't as pretty as my first wedding dress, but it does the job. And while I didn't have a lot of choice about dresses, I did have a choice in grooms. I_ _chose_ _Teddy._

 _I'm thirteen weeks pregnant. I chose to get married because I wanted that white picket fence and the stable family life I knew Teddy could give me and my baby. I wanted my baby to grow up in a stable, loving home, with parents who could provide that home. Teddy's a good man and he loves me. I do love him too – he's kind, generous, caring, and he'll make a wonderful husband and father._

 _Of course, Teddy's not my baby's father, in the biological sense. But he will be a good father, I know that. This baby is Deacon's, though, and I think about that every minute of every day. There's an ache deep in my heart every time I think about it. I thought Deacon and I would be doing this, but instead I'm doing it with someone else. And I know it would just kill Teddy to know how much it hurts and how often I cry about it. But I'm doing the right thing, for me and for my baby._

 _Because I'm just not sure if I could stay away if I didn't._

 **Teddy**

He stood in front of the mirror and adjusted his tie. He and Rayna were getting married at the country club in less than an hour. He breathed in. His best friend, Dashell Brinks, had cautioned him about going through with this.

" _Teddy, you're crazy to do this," Dashell said, concern on his face. "I know you're head over heels in love with her, but she's having a baby with her ex-husband. Who's to say she won't go back to him?"_

 _Teddy shook his head. "She won't. You don't know everything, Dash. I mean, he destroyed her. I don't think she'll ever completely trust him again. I can give her everything she wants. A stable life, a good father for her baby. We'll be happy. It'll be a good marriage, built on trust and respect. She didn't have that with him."_

" _I hope you're right, buddy," Dashell said._

Teddy knew he was right. Rayna had told him so over and over again. She was happy. With him. She told him that too. And she loved him. As soon as she had agreed to marry him, she had moved in with him. He loved her more and more every day. He loved waking up next to her every morning. He had loved getting to know everything about her. The fact that she really preferred tea to coffee, and not just because she was pregnant. That she hated pineapple and broccoli. That she preferred baths to showers. And that she liked making love in the mornings. He tried to be careful with her, even though she told him he didn't have to, but he also loved hearing her little satisfied moans every time. He knew that eventually, when she was more obviously pregnant, it might feel strange to make love to a woman who was pregnant with another man's child, but he was determined not to let it bother him. It made him feel closer to her, like this baby was going to be more theirs than _his_.

He frowned. He didn't like her arrangement, that Deacon would get to see the baby after it was born, be a part of its life, if he could stay sober. But he reminded himself that Rayna was marrying _him_ , not Deacon Claybourne, and that she'd chosen _him_. He smiled to himself. He was going to marry the woman of his dreams today.

 **Deacon**

He'd been back in rehab for nine weeks. He'd survived detox, although he'd been sure he was going to die in the middle of it. He still craved alcohol, wanted pills, but it was getting better. He still had four and a half months to go before he could get out, but he was determined to make it work this time. Coleman had told him, when he brought him here, that Rayna was completely done with him. That if he couldn't make it work this time, he was on his own. As bad as that had felt, it didn't compare with the hammer blow that was the news that she'd married Teddy Conrad. He was still determined though. He would prove to her he could do it. Because he didn't truly believe she would throw him aside completely.

They were still family.

* * *

He could finally have visitors, but hadn't expected any. So when he got word that someone was there to see him, he wasn't sure who it could be. He walked slowly down the hallway to the visitor center and opened the door. He looked around the room, filled with people. He breathed in deeply, his eyes searching out every part of the room. Then he saw a woman, sitting with her back to the door, a woman with red-gold hair, and his breath caught in his throat. _Rayna? Is it Rayna?_ She turned then, as though she'd heard his unspoken words, and his heart started beating out of his chest.

Rayna got up and walked towards him. His feet felt like they were rooted in concrete and he just stood there as she approached. He couldn't read her expression, but when she was just a few steps in front of him, she finally smiled. "You look good, Deacon," she said.

He breathed in. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

Her smile faded a bit. "I wanted to talk to you. _Need_ to talk to you." She looked around. "Is there somewhere private we can go?"

He smiled apologetically. "We could go outside. It ain't really too private, they won't let you go off nowhere. But it wouldn't be as crowded." It was late November, so it was chilly outside, but it was the only other place they could go.

She thought about it and then nodded. "Okay. This won't take long." His heart fell as he led the way. She walked next to him, close but not touching. He had noticed her diamond engagement ring and wedding band and it had broken his heart. When they got outside, it was chillier than he expected and he noticed her shivering, in spite of the coat she had on. He started to put his arm around her, but she put her hand up and backed away. "Don't," she said.

"I'm sorry," he said. Then he started talking, his words coming out in a rush. "I'm so sorry, Ray. I promise I'm gonna do this right this time. I get it now. I ain't gonna mess it…."

"Deacon, stop." She frowned just a little bit and her words were firm and emotionless. She looked away. "Look, I came to tell you something and I just need to do that and then I have to go."

He was confused. What else was there to say, now that she'd moved on and married someone else? "What?"

She looked back at him. "I'm pregnant." His eyes widened at her words. "It happened when you asked me to come to the cabin, to talk about things." He swallowed hard, feeling sick to his stomach. He didn't remember them being there together, much less sleeping together. "I wasn't sleeping with Teddy then, so the baby is definitely yours."

He reached for her, but she stepped back again. "Baby, are you sure?" he asked. He ran his hands through his hair. _How can that be if I don't remember?_

She frowned. "Yes, Deacon. I just told you that. It's yours. I know you don't remember, which is part of why we're in this spot." She breathed in. "But here's the thing. You're an alcoholic and you haven't proven to me, or anyone else, that you can get sober and stay sober. And the only way you're going to have any kind of relationship with this baby is if you can do that."

He reached for her hand and this time she didn't pull away. "I will, baby. I promise. I can do this. And then we can be that family we always talked about."

She shook her head. "No, we're not doing that, Deacon. I'm married. To Teddy. And I'm going to stay married to Teddy. He knows this baby isn't his, but he's going to be a father to him or her."

He frowned then. "No. If this is my baby, he ain't doing that."

She raised her eyebrows. "Deacon, you haven't proven you can even stay sober. How could I let you help raise a baby? Right now, anyway? But the reason I'm here is to offer you a deal. If you can stay sober for a year after the baby is born, then Teddy and I will work out an arrangement where you can be a part of its life. I don't know what that will look like right now, but we can figure it out then. Your name will be on the birth certificate, but that's it for now."

He could feel the tears in his eyes. His chest hurt. His emotions were all over the place. He turned away from her. _I'm gonna have a kid. Me and Rayna. Like we always talked about._ But then the reality that she was going to do this with Teddy Conrad overwhelmed him and he turned back to her. "No," he said.

"No?" She looked surprised. "That's the deal, Deacon. I'm not here to negotiate with you. You're not really in a strong position here. You're an alcoholic who's been to rehab five times. I divorced you because of it and you have a history of volatility. I have to be able to trust you and right now I just can't." She sighed. "I want you to accept this, Deacon. I think it's your best chance to have a relationship with your son or daughter."

He wanted to argue with her, tell her this wasn't right, but he knew she was right – he was not in a good position. _I'm gonna be a dad._ More than anything, he wanted to do that right. "When?" he asked.

"April. Late April, I think. You'll be out of here by then, but you'll have a lot of work to do before you can be a father." She stepped towards him and took his hands in hers. She looked into his eyes searchingly. "I want you to do this, Deacon. I really do." He just nodded. "Think about our baby."

"I want to," he said. "Will you…let me know how you're doing?"

She nodded. "I will."

"I wanna see you again," he pleaded. "Before."

She shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see." She let go of his hands. "I need to go." She breathed in. "Stay strong, Deacon. Please." And then she turned and walked away.

* * *

His head was spinning. Rayna was pregnant. With _his_ baby. But she married someone else. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. He still couldn't remember being with her at the cabin, but he knew she wouldn't lie to him about this. He needed a drink. Craved one, actually. His whole body needed to be numb as he laid on his bed trying to process the fact that he was going to be a father and he couldn't remember any of it.

 **Rayna**

It was three days before Christmas. Rayna was home alone. Teddy would take Christmas Eve through New Year's Day off from work, so this was one of the last days she'd be home all day, alone with her thoughts. It was a cold day, would only get into the mid-thirties, so she was glad not to have to leave the condo. All her Christmas preparation was done, so she could settle in.

She looked around the cozy living room. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday. She and Teddy had gone and found a beautiful tree that was now beautifully decorated. The white lights were twinkling and the turquoise and white ornaments were glowing in that light. There was garland on the mantle and two stockings hung over the fireplace, just for show. She sighed. The baby would be there for the next Christmas. And for every Christmas after that, there would be laughter and joy. But this Christmas felt bittersweet somehow.

She put her hand on her gently swollen belly. She had just started to feel little flutters deep inside. She hadn't told Teddy yet, wanted to keep it for herself for a bit. _Deacon's baby._ She never stopped thinking about that. She wrote him letters, every few weeks, to let him know how she was doing, how the pregnancy was going, as she had promised. She signed every letter _Take Care, Rayna_. She was careful to focus just on the baby, even though the letters she received back from him were filled with his declarations of regret and promises to do better and his love for her. She closed her eyes briefly, thinking about how that always hurt her to her core. She loved him too, always would, just as she'd promised the day they got married, but the love was always cut through by the pain and the loss. She still cried every day, regretting how things had turned out.

But Teddy was so loving and caring. When he had initially proposed the idea of marriage, she had said no. it wasn't that she needed to have his protection and she didn't want him to give up everything for her, but he had convinced her that he loved her and wanted to take care of her and her baby, help her raise the child in a stable, loving home. It hadn't taken long for her to change her mind. She did love him, and that had surprised her. It wasn't the all-consuming love she'd had for Deacon, but she had come to the conclusion that maybe that had been part of the problem. Her love for Deacon had been like an addiction, one that had been as hard to break for her as drinking was for him. She thought of her love for Teddy as a grown-up love, one based on mutual respect and shared values. And although that could sound businesslike, it also felt comforting, safe. She felt safe. She felt loved.

She twisted her hands in front of her as she looked out the window into the courtyard. They had decided to build a house, had met with architects, and would start working on it in the early spring. That made things feel more settled, more permanent. She sighed and walked back to the bedroom. She opened her lingerie drawer and pulled out her journal. She went back to the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table, then opened the journal to a blank page.

 _I'm almost five months pregnant. Hard to believe, although I'm starting to feel little flutters, so it makes it real. The waiting is hard. I'm ready for my baby to be here and to be a mama. At the next visit we'll get an ultrasound to see if we can tell if it's a boy or girl. I go back and forth on whether I want to know or not, but I think I do._

 _Deacon has another couple months in rehab. I hope he really takes this one seriously. I need for him to. Our baby needs for him to. It feels strange to be married to someone else besides Deacon, especially when we're having a baby. It sure wasn't what I'd planned, but here we are. I do want our son or daughter to know him. I think he could be a really good father, at least I hope so._

 _I miss him. It was so hard to let him go, but I do agree with Cole that it's probably the best thing for him. I want him to be well, for himself as well as for our baby. I just never thought things would end up this way._

She stopped, putting her pen down. It felt disrespectful, somehow, to think about Deacon while she was married to someone else. Teddy didn't deserve that. He deserved her full commitment to him. She thought about him, how gentle and attentive he was. He was very careful with her when they made love. She just wished she felt the same excitement for him that she'd always felt for Deacon. But it was the life she'd said she wanted, so she told herself to appreciate it.

She closed the journal. She didn't write in it as often as she used to, because all her feelings these days were too complicated and touched on too many nerves. It just wasn't the solace it used to be.

 **Deacon**

Deacon stood at the window of his room. It was a cold day, just a few days away from Christmas. He leaned against the edge of the window, looking out at the river. It was windy out – he could see the trees swaying in the breeze – and the river was dark gray and choppy. The days went by slowly, looming out long in front of him. Holidays were the worst. Most people tried to time their stays so they weren't in rehab at the holidays, but that hadn't worked for him.

 _At least I ain't having to make a command appearance at Lamar Wyatt's._ He sighed. It was the only part of not being with Rayna that didn't hurt. He felt the burn of unshed tears. He would have suffered a hundred years of holiday dinners at Lamar's, if it meant he could be with Rayna again. It still broke his heart, every day, thinking about her, reminding himself that she was married to someone else. Remembering they wouldn't be together to raise their baby.

He got letters from her every few weeks. Not on a regular schedule, but she would write and let him know how her doctor appointments went, how she was feeling. She would tell him how much weight she'd gained and whether that was normal, what kind of cravings she was having, how she'd started picking things out for the nursery. In her last letter, she'd told him she had started feeling the baby move and how that made it all more real. He tried to imagine what she must look like. He'd asked her once if she'd send him a picture, but she'd said no, she didn't think that was a good idea.

He missed her. He knew all of this was his fault. The fact that she was married to someone else, that he couldn't see her, that he wasn't there to see her pregnant with their baby. She said she still didn't know if it was a boy or girl. He wondered sometimes if that were true, but then he thought it probably was. She hadn't had to tell him the truth in the first place. She could have just married Teddy Conrad and let everyone think the baby was Teddy's. But she hadn't. It had given him hope, in the beginning, but then he knew he was just fooling himself.

He walked over to the mirror above the dresser in his room. He reached for the picture he had taped to the glass. It was from a photo shoot Rayna had done for the 'Postcards from Mexico' album cover. He thought she'd looked so pretty that day, with the off-the-shoulder blouse, her skin sun-kissed, and her hair lifting gently behind her. It looked like she was actually on the beach, but he knew it had all been a set, complete with a fan to simulate the breeze. She'd asked the photographer to take one extra shot and that was the one he held in his hand, the one she'd had taken just for him. He could see the love in her eyes, the sweetness of her smile, just for him.

He breathed in. _I screwed this up, a thousand different ways. I hurt you and caused you pain and I never meant to. I always thought you'd be there but now I gotta live the rest of my life without you._ He sighed. _I'll just wait. I'll always wait. Long as I have to. Even if it's forever._

* * *

He tossed and turned that night, unable to truly rest. His dreams were peppered with her, the good and the bad. And in the end, he sat all alone in a bar, a bottle of whiskey and a half-empty glass on the table in front of him, as he watched her walk away, her skin sun-kissed, her hair floating in the breeze that lifted her skirt just slightly. And the song in the background just echoed his breaking heart.

 _Staring at the ceiling in the dark / Same old empty feeling in your heart / 'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast / Well you see her when you fall asleep / But never to touch and never to keep / 'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep_

 _Well, you only need the light when it's burning low / Only miss the sun when it starts to snow / Only know you love her when you let her go / Only know you've been high when you're feeling low / Only hate the road when you're missing home / Only know you love her when you let her go / And you let her go  
_


	12. 1999

**Coleman**

Coleman walked out of his office to see Rayna waiting for him. She smiled and waved, then pushed up out of her chair. He walked over to her, taking her hand in his and giving her a peck on the cheek. "Hey there, Rayna," he said warmly. "You didn't have to come all the way over here." He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards his office. He hadn't seen her since Christmas.

She waved him off. "I was over at the studio anyway," she said. "It wasn't that far."

When they were in his office, he shut the door. She walked over and sat down in one of the chairs opposite his desk. When he was seated, he smiled. "You're looking good," he said.

She made a face. "I'm looking huge," she said. "But I've only got six weeks to go, so we're in the homestretch, as Teddy keeps reminding me." She smiled then.

He smiled. "Are you working on an album?" he asked.

She looked confused for a second, then shook her head. "Oh, no, just finalizing all the publicity details for the new one since I'm on maternity leave. 'Double Down' drops tomorrow, actually. I'll be doing radio interviews, but by phone, obviously. Not ideal, but I hope it won't hurt sales. We'll start initial work on the next one when the baby's six months old."

"Will you start touring then?"

"No. I'm taking a year off from touring so I can spend time with the baby. But we can start with the album because that can be done here. I'm already listening to some demos that Bucky got and I'm going to do a little writing." She laughed. "At least that's my plan. Maddie may have other plans."

He raised his eyebrows. "Maddie? It's a girl?"

She nodded. "Yeah. We finally got a sonogram that gave us the right view." She smiled dreamily. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm really happy it's a girl. That was what I was hoping for all along."

He smiled. "No worries. My lips are sealed." He cleared his throat. "So Deacon gets out next week. I'll go pick him up." He paused. "He'd like to see you. When he gets back to Nashville."

She looked down, putting her hands on her belly, and nodded. Then she looked back at him. "I'd like to see him too. If you think that's okay, I mean."

He breathed in. "I've got him set up to stay in a sober house for sixty days. I think it would be better for him to do that than go straight home." She nodded. "He'll be able to go to meetings, work, all that. But it will give him some extra support right at first."

She breathed in. "How does he seem?"

"Good, actually. He seems really focused. I do think the baby coming has been a motivator."

She smiled. "Good." She leaned forward slightly. "I do want him to make this work, Cole. I want him to have the chance to be a father to our daughter. So, I do want to see him. I want to make all this as real for him as I can."

He nodded. "Okay then. I'll have him call you when he's back in town."

 **Rayna**

Rayna arranged to meet Deacon at the walk park. He had suggested his house, for privacy, but she wasn't comfortable meeting him there. The smaller walk park would be a less crowded, more impersonal place to meet. When she drove in to the parking lot, she saw him waiting. He was sitting on a park bench and she felt her heart flutter just a little. She reminded herself that, while he had successfully completed the six month rehab program, she still needed to see him seriously commit to his program. She didn't want to let her emotions get in the way.

She sat in her car for a moment, breathing in and out. She rubbed her hands on her jeans. She reached into the console and pulled out the sonogram picture she wanted to give him and then she got out. It was still a little cool so she wore a cape for warmth. She had put her hair up on top of her head and wore a fedora and sunglasses, hoping she would be less recognizable. As she approached, he stood up. Because he was wearing sunglasses too, she couldn't see what was in his eyes. She stopped about a foot away from him.

"Hey, Deacon," she said, with a small smile.

He breathed in. "Hey, Rayna." He took a step towards her as though he wanted to embrace her, but she could see his hesitancy, so she stepped towards him and put her arms around his waist. She felt his arms slowly wrap around her shoulders and then he finally relaxed. He stepped back and smiled a little sheepishly. "Wow."

She made a face. "I guess I look a little different, huh?" she said, with a laugh.

"Uh, yeah," he said. Then he gestured towards the bench. "You want to sit?"

She nodded. "Yeah, that would be great." He took her hand and led her to the bench where she slowly lowered herself. When he sat down next to her, she said, "How are you doing, Deacon?"

He nodded nervously. "Good. I'm good. Working my program, doing everything I'm supposed to. Going to meetings every day." He bit his lip. "I'm gonna do this, Ray. I promise."

She nodded and then she took his hand. He squeezed it. "I hope so. I want you to."

"How are _you_ doing?"

She smiled at him. "I'm good. I'm more tired these days, but that's normal, I'm told."

He breathed in. "How much longer?"

"About a month." He nodded. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the picture. She handed it to him and he looked confused. She smiled and pointed. "That's our baby," she said. "Our daughter."

He looked up at her. "We're having a girl?"

She nodded. "Yeah. She was being secretive about it until this last sonogram." She laughed. "I think she's going to be a handful." He started to hand back the picture and she shook her head. "That's for you."

He held the picture with both hands and seemed to be studying it carefully. Then he put it in his shirt pocket and turned back to her. "Can I see her? When she's born?" he asked.

She bit her lip. "We'll work something out." Then she reached over and touched his arm. "I'd like for you to do a paternity test."

He frowned. "I thought you said she was mine. That you knew for sure."

She nodded. "I _do_ know for sure. But I want it on record since, you know, since your name will be on the birth certificate. Just so there's no dispute later." She breathed in. "Unless you've changed your mind about that."

He shook his head. "No," he said firmly. He turned slightly towards her. "I want to be a real daddy to her, Rayna. Not just the guy who's name is on her birth certificate. I want her to know she's mine."

"Ours, Deacon." He raised his eyebrows. "She's _ours_. And she will always be. Nothing will change that. But I'm her mama and I need to be sure she's safe. So I'm counting on you to work your program, really be committed to that so you can be part of her life."

He looked away. She could see his jaw tense. Finally he breathed out and turned to look at her. "You picked a name yet?"

She nodded. "Madeline Virginia. Maddie."

He raised his eyebrows. "She gonna be a Claybourne?"

She looked past him and shrugged. "I haven't decided about that yet."

"Look, Rayna…."

She looked back at him, her eyes flashing. "I have to do the best I can to protect her, Deacon. I want her to have a normal life and not get caught up in all our…drama. For now, you're just going to have to trust me that I'll make good decisions for her and about her." She breathed out. "Look," she said, softening her tone. "I want you to be part of her life. I want her to know you as her father. I want her to grow up knowing she is so very loved and cherished. I know you want that too, so you're just going to have to trust me."

 **Deacon**

It had been a little overwhelming, seeing Rayna. Seeing her pregnant like that had reminded him, yet again, of everything he'd thrown away. His first thought was that she looked so different and then that she looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Part of it was that he hadn't seen her, but he thought she glowed. It was both hard to look at her and hard to look away. She was pregnant with his child. _His_ child. He'd accepted that he couldn't remember that night at the cabin, even though it was painful to acknowledge, and he'd decided just to focus on what was to come. But seeing her, standing there, her body so changed by the fact that she was carrying their baby – their little girl – inside her, was almost more than he could absorb.

He'd gotten to feel the baby move. Rayna had gasped a little, then grabbed his hand, pressing it against her belly. He felt a thump, then felt it again. He looked at her, unsure of what was happening. She smiled at him. "That's her," she said. "She's kicking." Just thinking back on it made him want to cry. It had felt like such an intimate moment and he'd found himself wanting to pull her into his arms and kiss her, but he knew he couldn't. She was someone else's wife.

He frowned. She was someone else's wife, but she was having _his_ baby. Teddy got to sleep with her, see her naked, make love to her, all while she was having _his_ baby. All of that felt wrong. He pinched his nose, trying not to cry. All he could do was be the best father he could to their daughter.

 _Maddie._ His heart felt so full thinking about his daughter. He promised he would be the best father he could, that he would stay sober so that he could be part of her life. He loved her already and he'd never even met her. _Maddie._

 **Tandy**

Tandy drove into the parking garage. She'd just had lunch with Rayna. She had actually met Rayna at the construction site first, where she and Teddy were building their new home. They had just gotten started, but Rayna wanted to show Tandy where it would be. Then they had headed for Whitfield's for lunch. The baby was due in two weeks, but Tandy thought Rayna looked radiant. She seemed happy and content and that had made Tandy happy too.

" _So, do you have everything ready in the nursery?" she asked her sister._

 _Rayna smiled. "Yes, pretty much. I finally put away everything I got at the shower. Teddy helped me make up the crib." She made a face and rested her hand on her stomach. "It's kind of hard to lean over these days."_

 _Tandy smiled. "You look amazing," she said. "Pregnancy definitely suits you."_

 _Rayna rolled her eyes. "Well, I feel like a whale, but I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I have loved being pregnant." She smiled a little dreamily. "You know I've always wanted to be a mama."_

 _Tandy did know that. This had not been an ordinary pregnancy though. And now that Deacon was back from rehab, she knew it would be challenging going forward. She smiled at her sister. "You're going to be a wonderful mom, sweetie," she said. "This baby is so lucky to have you for her mom."_

" _I think I'm the one who's lucky."_

 _Tandy gave her an encouraging smile. "Oh, sweetheart, you're going to teach her so much. You're so strong. The strongest woman I know."_

 _Rayna shrugged, looking a little sad. "I don't really feel all that strong, though, Tandy." She sighed. "If I were stronger, maybe I wouldn't have quit on Deacon. Maybe I wouldn't have felt like I needed someone to help me do all this. If I were stronger, I could have done this on my own."_

 _Tandy frowned. "You really don't know how strong you are?"_

 _Rayna looked at her. "Tandy, if I hadn't married Teddy, I would have run back to Deacon. You and I both know that. And it wouldn't have been good for any of us. Not for me, not for Deacon, and especially not for the baby. Deacon is my weakness. He's always been. Having Teddy makes me stronger."_

That had surprised her, when Rayna said it. She'd always thought of Rayna as the strongest person she knew. But then she considered the little nugget her sister had hidden in all of that. _Deacon is my weakness. He's always been._ That was true. It had always been true. She had watched Rayna deal with Deacon and his demons for all those years, thinking she had shown strength of character during all those trials. And she had, but she was right – Deacon _was_ her weakness. But she was wrong if she'd thought she wasn't strong. It was because her sister was strong that she had finally been able to close the door on that and give her daughter, and herself, a chance at a better life.

 **Rayna**

Rayna felt like she couldn't catch her breath. The pressure was overwhelming her. Teddy was holding her hand and she gripped it tightly. Finally the doctor said, "Okay, Rayna, one more push." And she did.

Suddenly, she felt empty, but as the doctor held up her baby girl, her heart felt completely full. She was laughing and crying at the same time. She was aware of Teddy kissing her on the forehead, but she only had eyes for the dark-haired little creature who'd just come out of her. _My daughter._ Her daughter, who was screaming at the top of her lungs at that moment. A nurse wiped her off, then wrapped her in a blanket and brought her over to Rayna. She reached for the tiny baby, running a finger down her face. The nurse held her close enough so that Rayna could kiss her tiny forehead. "Welcome to the world, my sweet girl," she murmured.

"We're going to take her to clean her up and get all her statistics and we'll have her right back," the nurse said and then she whisked the baby away. Rayna looked up at Teddy and smiled. She could see the tears in his eyes and she felt such gratitude for everything he'd done for the two of them.

* * *

When everyone had finally left the birthing suite and they were alone with their daughter, Rayna smiled as she watched Teddy hold Maddie. When he leaned down and pressed a kiss on her forehead, she could feel her own tears. She'd chosen a good father for her baby, she could see that. And although she would be forever identified as Deacon Claybourne's daughter, Rayna was happy that Teddy loved her too, and grateful he would be there, by her side, to help raise her.

He turned towards her then and smiled. "So is it still Madeline Virginia?" he asked. That was the name they had settled on. Madeline was for Rayna's grandmother and Virginia, of course, for her mom.

She nodded and then bit her lip. She and Teddy had talked some about what name would go on her birth certificate. As she had promised, Deacon's name would be listed as the baby's father. But she had wrestled with the last name. As soon as she'd laid eyes on her daughter, though, she had known. "Yes," she said. "Maddie. Maddie Jaymes."

Teddy frowned. "Really?"

She nodded, rolling her eyes. "Yes, really. It's the only thing that makes sense to me, Teddy. I'm not planning to shout it from the rooftops that Deacon is her father, but eventually people will find out. I think it would be a slap in the face to you to call her Maddie Claybourne and to Deacon to call her Maddie Conrad. So she's Maddie Jaymes. We can always say that we had decided a girl would take my last name." She held her hands out then. "I'd like to hold her." Teddy brought Maddie over and laid her in Rayna's arms. Rayna grabbed his hand as he started to walk away. "Teddy," she said and her husband turned to look at her. "I appreciate you so much. For everything. For being a father to Maddie and being there for me. And I love you." She smiled. "Maddie's a very lucky girl to have a father like you."

He nodded. "What about Claybourne?" he asked.

She looked down at Maddie then. She looked just like Deacon, with her dark hair and her blue eyes. When Rayna had looked into her daughter's eyes, she'd seen his. It had felt like she was looking into his soul. She felt a little overwhelmed with love for the little baby they had created together. "She's lucky to have him too," she said softly, still not looking at Teddy. She took a deep breath. "I'd like for him to meet her." She could hear Teddy make a noise. "When we get home." She looked up at him then. "I know you would rather he not be involved, but that's not what I want. I hope that, when he sees her, he knows how important it is for him to make this work. He could never do it for me, but I hope he'll do it for her." Her voice trailed off, as the emotions rolled over her.

* * *

After she sent Teddy home for the night, Rayna got out of bed to look at a sleeping Maddie in her crib. She felt such overwhelming love for her baby and she thought about the kind of life she would have. It would be complicated, for sure, but Rayna hoped that Maddie would have only love and joy in her life. She walked back over to the phone on the bedside table. She picked up the receiver and dialed Deacon's cell number. "Hey, Deacon," she said, when he answered.

"What's up, Rayna?" he asked.

"Maddie's here. Our daughter. I had her this morning."

 **Deacon**

When he heard Rayna's words, that their daughter had been born, he breathed in. His chest felt tight and he felt tears in his eyes. He swallowed hard. "You home now?" he asked.

"No," she said. "We won't go home until tomorrow." She paused. "Teddy's gone home. Visiting hours are over, except for fathers."

At first he didn't realize what she was saying. Then it dawned on him that she was inviting him to come see their daughter. "I can come?" he asked.

"Yes. If you'd like to," she said.

He nodded. "Yeah. I would." He frowned. "Won't they know I'm not…him?"

She laughed softly. "I don't think they really notice fathers. Just tell them you're Maddie's father. I'm at Vanderbilt, in the women's center, birthing room four."

"I'll be there," he said. He walked to the closet in his room and reached for his boots. As he sat on the side of the bed, he took a deep breath. _Maddie. My daughter. Our daughter._ He hoped he could be a good father to her. He had no idea how to be a father and he didn't want to screw things up. He wiped away the tears he felt on his face and then pulled on his boots.

* * *

He walked slowly down the hall. The person at the reception desk had pointed the way and then gone back to whatever she was working on. Apparently Rayna was right. No one seemed to pay attention to him. When he got to the room, he breathed in slowly, then walked in. Rayna was sitting in a chair and looked up. "Hey," she said, with a smile. "Come here." He realized she was holding Maddie and he walked over gingerly. She looked up at him. "This is our daughter," she said quietly.

He took a deep breath and looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. His heart felt full as he looked at her. "She's beautiful, Ray," he said softly.

"Would you like to hold her?" she asked.

He took a step back. "I don't know. I ain't no good with babies."

She smiled. "You did great with Scarlett, as I remember." She nodded her head towards another chair. "Bring that over here next to me." He did as he was told and sat down. She scooched forward on her chair and leaned towards him. "Hold your arms out." He did, although he felt awkward. She laid the tiny bundle in his arms, then moved his hands so that he was holding her tightly. "There," she said.

He gently moved Maddie a little closer to his chest and he felt like his heart was exploding inside. Then she opened her eyes and looked up at him, making a little noise. He looked up at Rayna. "Wow," was all he could say.

She reached over and ran a finger over Maddie's hair. "I think she looks just like you," she said.

His chest felt tight and he could feel tears in his eyes. He kept looking at Maddie and his heart just grew with love for her. He'd never felt quite like this before and, right then, he wanted nothing more than to protect his daughter from everything. He wanted to love her and take care of her and be a good father. He knew then he would never do anything that would cause him not to be able to be a daddy to her. "I can't believe she's ours," he said then.

Rayna nodded and he saw tears in her eyes. "She's something special we created," she said. "In spite of all the pain and the hurt, we made this perfect little being. She's the best part of us, Deacon. I'll always believe that."

* * *

He could tell Rayna was tired, so he didn't stay long. He handed Maddie back to her. "Thanks for letting me come see her," he said.

She nodded and smiled. "I want you to be able to see her, Deacon. When I get home, we'll work out a schedule where you can come by and spend time with her."

He frowned a little. "Teddy gonna be okay with that?" he asked, a little mulishly.

She sighed. "I'll take care of Teddy," she said. "But, Deacon, he's going to be Maddie's father too. Because we're married and because, well, because he loves her too." He huffed. "You should be grateful for that," she said then, frowning. "That wasn't a given. But it means she'll have one more person in her life to love her and protect her. It's not a bad thing."

He sighed. "I guess." He didn't like it though. He didn't want Teddy Conrad taking his place. He stood up then. "I should go," he said. "Let you get some rest."

She looked up at him. "Thank you. For her."

He nodded. He leaned down then to kiss her on the forehead, but she lifted her face and looked deep into his eyes. He brushed her lips with a kiss, then stood up, taking in a deep breath. "Thanks, Rayna," he said softly.

She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry things weren't different. But we'll make it all work."

It felt like his throat had closed up, so all he did was nod and then he turned and walked out of the room. He fought tears as he walked back down the hall, thinking that he had well and truly screwed up every single good thing in his life. All he wanted to do was find a bar and start drinking. But then he thought about the tiny baby who had been in his arms. His daughter. Maybe the only good thing to come out of all the hell he'd gone through and put Rayna through, all the pain, all the disappointment, all the broken promises. Nothing about her coming to be made sense to him. He still couldn't remember being with Rayna, he'd lost Rayna to another man, in part because of that, and now he would have to prove he could turn his life around so he could have a bigger part in Maddie's life. But she was his. _Theirs._ Maybe the only right thing he'd ever done.

He was determined to be the best father he could be to Maddie. No matter how hard and no matter what he had to do. She was worth it. _I can't run away from it. As much as I might want to. But I'm gonna give it my best effort. For her._

 **Rayna**

As soon as she closed the door of the condo behind him, she felt the tears. She turned and leaned back against the door and screwed her face up, unable to stop crying. She concentrated on staying quiet, so she didn't wake Maddie and so that he wouldn't hear her from the hall as he headed to the elevator. She wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her other hand to cover her mouth as her body shook with sobs.

She finally pushed away from the door, breathing in and out, trying to regain control. The conflict inside her was painful. It hurt almost as much as living through Deacon's alcoholism had. But these days he was healthy. He had color to his skin, his eyes were clear, he didn't smell like stale whiskey and sweat or puke, unless, of course, Maddie threw up on him. But that was different. This was the Deacon she'd always hoped to see.

He came every week, to see Maddie, to learn how to take care of her. She showed him how to feed her, bathe her, dress her, change a diaper, and put her down for a nap. There were many times when he was standing right behind her or next to her and she thought her knees would give out. Their hands would touch inadvertently or she'd brush against him when she handed Maddie to him and she would feel an electric current run between them that was almost painful. It was hard to breathe sometimes when he was so close to her and she often wondered if he could hear the beating of her heart. Sometimes her hands would shake and she'd have to clench her fists so he wouldn't see. She would catch him looking at her sometimes and she wondered what he thought. _Is he angry at how things are? Does he blame himself? Does he blame me? Does he still love me?_

She knew the answer to that last question. That was what she could see in his face and his eyes, every time he came to see Maddie.

 _He's here to see me._

 **Deacon**

Deacon held the piece of paper in his hand with the directions Rayna had given him to the new house. He'd been surprised she'd agreed to a house in Belle Meade, after all she'd gone through to put that behind her.

" _Why you building a house there?" he asked._

 _She shrugged and looked away. "No reason, really," she said._

 _He let out a short laugh. "Of all the places in the city you coulda built a house, that's an odd place to end up for no real reason," he said._

 _She looked at him with a frown. "Okay, it was Teddy's choice. It's not where I would have picked, obviously, but I'll admit it's secluded. With a gate." She sighed. "And he thought it was, I don't know, the right kind of place for a house."_

 _He shook his head and smirked. "The right kinda house for a brown nosing business guy or for the queen of country music?" He knew he was being a little bit of an ass, but he didn't care._

" _He's not a brown noser," she said and then she shook her head, frowning again. "I'm not doing this with you. It's the house we chose and it's where Maddie will grow up and she'll be safe."_

 _He didn't like the reference to Maddie growing up there. He was prepared to lobby for some sort of custody arrangement so he could have Maddie stay with him part of the time. Every month that went by, he was more determined than ever to be a good, present father to his daughter. "We'll see," is all he said._

He made the turn onto Belle Meade Boulevard and headed down towards Percy Warner Park. He always felt out of his element in this part of town. As he glanced at the mansions that lined the boulevard, he thought about the fact that this was the only part of not being with Rayna anymore that was satisfying. Not having to make appearances at Lamar Wyatt's house or listen to his ex-father-in-law's condescension was something he did not miss. He breathed in. He missed Rayna, though. He only had himself to blame for that and he had to live with that knowledge every day.

He drove past the park entrance and headed down Page Road. It was a narrow road, heavily wooded, and the houses were far off the street. He slowed down and counted to the fifth house. It was set back from the road, a low rock wall surrounding the property. It didn't seem all that protected to him, even with the gate, but he just shrugged. He turned into the drive and up to the gate. He lowered his window and pressed the button on the fob reader, like Rayna had said to do.

"That you, Deacon?" came her voice, after a moment.

"Yeah," he said. The gate slowly opened and he drove through, down the winding driveway to the front of the house. It was massive, way more than he would have thought the three of them would need. He couldn't help but think it didn't seem like Rayna at all. When he got out of his truck, she appeared at the front door. "Hey," he said.

She smiled. "Hey. Come on in." She stood aside so he could enter the house.

He looked around. There was a long hallway that led to a huge curved staircase. He looked up to the ceiling, easily twenty feet tall or more. He looked to the side to what appeared to be a library. He looked back at her. "Pretty Belle Meade, I'd say," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." She sighed. "Maddie's not up yet, but she will be soon. Come on back to the kitchen." He followed her. The kitchen was huge, with a large island. There was a small dining area to the side of it and a den. She turned to look at him. "We pretty much live in this part of the house," she said, as though she felt like she needed to explain herself.

He shrugged. "Okay."

She looked at him for a minute, her hands on her hips, her lips in a tight line. Then she sighed. "Let's not do this, okay? I know you don't understand why I'm living here, but I am. And it's a nice place for Maddie."

He wasn't sure Maddie needed something this grand, but at the same time, there wasn't much he'd want to deny his daughter, so he decided maybe it wasn't the fight he needed to have with Rayna. He shrugged. "Sorry," he said.

"She should be awake soon." She gestured towards the kitchen. "You want some iced tea? Or something else?"

"Tea would be good."

She went to the fridge and pulled out a glass pitcher. She got two glasses from the cabinet and poured tea in both, adding some ice. Then she carried them to the den and he followed her. She sat on the love seat and he sat across from her in one of the chairs. She smiled then. "She's sitting up."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She nodded. "Just started doing it the other day. Just sat right up in her crib." She laughed. "She was so proud of herself too."

He smiled back at her. "I bet. She'll be walking soon enough."

She breathed in. "Yeah, you're right. But not too soon, I hope." Just then the baby monitor came alive with Maddie's babbling. "Well, she's awake. She must sense that you're here." She stood up and he did as well. She ran her hands down her jeans. "I'll go get her." He watched her walk back through the kitchen and up a back set of stairs.

While he waited, he looked around the area of the house he was in. It was certainly high class. She deserved the best, even if it did seem a little over the top. He smiled to himself as he looked over at the large kitchen. He could see that it had all the latest appliances, lots of cabinets, and space to cook and prepare food, even a second refrigerator. He wondered if she was trying to cook these days. He turned when he heard footsteps on the wood floor. She walked in with Maddie, who squealed with excitement when she saw him.

He grinned broadly and held his hands out to her. "Hey there, sweet girl," he said. She reached towards him as Rayna transferred the baby to his arms. Maddie reached up and grabbed at his nose and then he kissed her on the forehead. He looked back at Rayna, who was smiling warmly at the two of them. Every time he spent time with Maddie, he felt grateful to Rayna, for telling him about their daughter and for letting him have a relationship with her. These days, the best part of his life was spending time with Maddie, getting to know her. Every time he held her in his arms, he felt his resolve to stay sober strengthen. And although he wouldn't have thought it possible, he loved her more every time he saw her. He still felt an ache, though, at the knowledge that he and Rayna weren't doing this together. It was the consequence of his disease and it broke his heart a little more each time.

* * *

As he drove home, he felt melancholy. Not from seeing Maddie, because she surely brought sunshine and lightness to his world. But as he thought about that mansion Rayna and Teddy had built, he knew she had drawn a line in the sand. She'd truly made a commitment to Teddy and to her marriage. Not that he hadn't believed her when she'd said she was where she wanted to be, but he had somehow hoped that maybe, after the two of them were able to actually spend time with Maddie together, she would rethink her position.

The fact that they were so intricately connected meant that they both could read each other better than anyone else could read them. They spoke to each other without words, through gestures and looks and things left unsaid. He knew she still loved him, the way he still loved her. Nothing about their divorce had changed that, and he'd known it without her having to say a word. But she clearly wanted something different now and all he could do was wait.

 **Teddy**

Teddy still wasn't sure how this was all going to play out. Everything had been fine before Claybourne had come home. Rayna seemed happy with him and they had been preparing for the baby as though she was their own. He'd expected things to change once Deacon was back, but, surprisingly, very little had. Teddy knew Rayna was letting him see Maddie – supervised – and that bugged him some, but she would refer to Teddy as 'Daddy' when she talked to Maddie and she had not backed down on her condition that Deacon be sober for a year before there would be any change to their arrangement.

He still wondered, sometimes, if Rayna wished she hadn't made the decision to marry him, even though she seemed happy and content. Once her doctor had cleared her for sex, that part of their relationship resumed. She was loving and attentive and made him feel loved. She had told him more than once that she was happy, that she loved their life together.

But still he wondered. She only ever let Deacon come see Maddie when he was not at home, so he didn't know how those interactions went. The fact that they shared a child was a powerful bond. He could feel that bond with Rayna, even though Maddie wasn't his, so he was certain Claybourne felt it as well.

She had started to talk, in very general terms, about what might happen once they hit a year. She had started a conversation with him about the possibility of joint custody, but seemed to be leaning towards something more gradual. She promised him she hadn't talked to Deacon about it, but he wondered.

He loved Maddie. He loved holding her, bathing her, feeding her, all the things a father does with his child. His favorite time was rocking her to sleep, feeling her soft, little body in his arms. He loved her with all his heart, as though she were his own. And he already knew that giving up even a part of her was going to tear him in half.

And so he wondered, even though he didn't want to.

 **Rayna**

She was waiting in the studio, after sending everyone home. She heard footsteps approaching and she knew it was him. She turned to face the door. "Hey," she said.

"Hey." Deacon looked confused.

"Come in, sit down." She sat down at the table and he settled in across from her.

He frowned. "Everything okay with Maddie?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, she's fine." She smiled. "She loves her stuffed elephant. I think it's her favorite. She likes to sleep with it."

He smiled. "I'm glad." He breathed in. "So what's up?"

She steepled her fingers under her chin, her elbows resting on the arms of the chair. "I've been thinking about this for a while. I wasn't sure I was gonna ask you, but I decided I would." He frowned. She breathed in. "I'd like to ask you back to my band."

He raised his eyebrows. "As what?"

"Same as before. Lead guitar, bandleader."

"Don't you got someone?"

"Yeah, but seeing how you're doing, and wanting you to get to spend time with Maddie, well, I thought this made sense." She raised her eyebrows. "Nothing else changes, Deacon. I'm married. This is a professional ask. I want to be sure there's no misunderstanding."

He nodded. "Okay."

"I want you to help me with the next album. And get the band ready for the tour. Bucky's working on finalizing the schedule, but we'll start right after Maddie's first birthday. I think it'll give you ample time to spend with her, on tour, while we figure out what happens after that."

He breathed in. "We gonna write together?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Not right away, I don't think. We'll just have to see. Oh, and you'll ride on the band bus."

He nodded. "I figured." He knitted his brow. "What does Conrad say about this?"

She took a deep breath. "I haven't told him yet. I wanted to make sure you thought you could do this. With boundaries. Can you?"

He looked at her with a mix of gratitude and sadness. "I can do it. Thank you for letting me spend time with Maddie like this."

She smiled. "I want you to do this, Deacon. Maybe things between us came to an end, but we have a daughter together. And we both love her and want the best for her. I want us to raise her up together, even though that's going to look different. It's important to me that she knows we both love her, so much, even though our relationship has changed." She reached for his hand. After a moment, he took it and squeezed it gently.

"Me too, Ray," he said quietly.

She was determined they would be able to do this and respect the boundaries. It wouldn't be easy, she could see that already, but things had changed and they needed to change too.

 **Deacon**

He never thought he'd perform with Rayna again. When she had fired him, back before their divorce, it had seemed so final. He hadn't been sure he could do music without her, but that had turned out not to be the case. He had written songs on his own, done the session work Watty had found for him, and, once he was back in Nashville after the last rehab, he had worked hard to rebuild his reputation. He'd stayed busy in studios, working on other artists' albums and demos, and had started playing around town again. He had a semi-regular gig at the Bluebird, as well as at places like Station Inn, Exit/In, and Douglas Corner.

It felt good to play and he found himself getting more comfortable playing on his own again. He had listened to Rayna's album, the one she'd completed after their split, the one she'd had to rejigger when she took off the songs they'd written together. It had gone triple platinum, her first, and he'd felt proud of her, even though he'd had nothing to do with it. Although, he suspected, that wasn't entirely the case. He was sure that 'The Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts' and 'This Love Ain't Big Enough' were about him.

After they'd ironed out all the details – from what bus he'd ride on to his responsibilities – he was ready to go. They'd also talked about boundaries, or rather, Rayna had talked about boundaries.

" _I want you to be able to spend time with Maddie, so you can ride on my bus during the day, but once we get to wherever we're going, that's over," she said._

 _He nodded. "I get it. Thank you for letting me spend time with her though."_

 _She shrugged. "That's the point of this, Deacon. Anyway, it's all professional. We're not performing any of our songs…."_

 _He scowled. "None of 'em? Really? Those are your biggest hits, Ray. If you think I can't handle it…."_

 _She shook her head. "It's not negotiable, Deacon. I won't hurt Teddy that way." He rolled his eyes. "And speaking of that, Teddy will come out when he can and when he does, you need to steer clear. He's giving up a lot of time with Maddie while I'm touring – time that you're getting, I would remind you – so it's only fair."_

 _He just put his hands on his hips and huffed. He didn't like how this all was playing out. It felt like Teddy got more time with Maddie than he did, and he was her biological father. But he was afraid if he pushed too hard, Rayna wouldn't let him see Maddie at all. They still hadn't nailed down how a possible visitation schedule might look and he didn't want to screw that up. So he just sighed and nodded._

 _Her face seemed to soften then. "I'm glad you agreed to come back out with me," she said. "You've always made me better, you know that. There's no reason we can't do this."_

He sat back on his couch and sighed. No, there was no reason they couldn't do it. Except he knew it would be hard. She'd built up a wall to keep him out. A wall named Teddy Conrad. But he'd be back in her life, in a way that was familiar.

So he would wait.

 **Lamar**

He'd thought Rayna had made a mistake to tell Claybourne he was the father of her baby. Still thought so. He'd been relieved she'd married Teddy, who was a pleasant enough, if weak, man. His daughter was a strong woman though. While she often reminded him of Virginia, both in her appearance and her behavioral tendencies, Rayna was more tenacious and driven. That much was clear based on her career success. But her weakness was her mama's weakness – her heart. And he feared her heart would lead her astray at some point down the line.


	13. 2000

**Deacon**

As he was ready to leave, he turned to Rayna. "So, I know Maddie's birthday is next week. Can I stop by to see her then?"

Rayna looked a little flustered. "Um, why don't you come by the day before?" she suggested.

He frowned. "Why not the day of?" he asked. "What's the deal?"

She breathed in and walked towards the kitchen. She leaned against the kitchen island, as though she wanted to put all that space between them. "So, Teddy and I are having a few people over that day, and I thought it would be less, you know, awkward, if you came the day before. Or you could come the day after," she said. She kept rubbing her hands on the countertop.

He wasn't going to let her put space between them, so he walked over and stood next to her at the counter, as she looked away. "I don't get to see my daughter on her first birthday?" he said, knowing he was starting to get loud. "What the hell, Ray? How is that right?"

She ran one index finger over the counter, looking down. "Don't make it a big deal, Deacon. I figured you wouldn't want to be here," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't want to be here? For Maddie's birthday? Seriously, Rayna?"

She looked at him, anger flashing in her eyes. "Okay, so I don't want there to be a fight or an argument or anything in front of people. I didn't think you'd want to share it with Teddy. Somehow I can't see the two of you being on your best behavior."

He clenched his fist. "She's my daughter, Rayna! If anyone deserves to be here, I do!"

"Stop yelling."

"I'm not" – he breathed in, trying to calm down – "I don't mean to yell, but you know this ain't fair."

She sighed. "Deacon, this isn't about you. It's about Maddie. I don't want there to be some kind of commotion in front of her. And a bunch of other people. I thought we were all trying to be civilized about this whole thing. It's not like she's going to even remember this anyway."

"So that's supposed to make me feel better? She ain't gonna remember her own daddy's not there, so it ain't a big deal?" He breathed in. "This the way it'll be every birthday? Teddy gets to be there, but her own daddy doesn't?"

She looked away. "No. Of course not." But she didn't sound so certain. "Look, I haven't thought beyond this year." She looked back at him. "Please don't make this an issue. You'll get to spend time with her. She has no idea what day her birthday is. All she'll care about is being with you. You know she loves you and loves being with you. And she'll get you all to herself. Please, Deacon. Think about what's best for Maddie."

He huffed. "I _do_ think about what's best for Maddie, Rayna. But I don't see how pushing me out of the important things in her life is what's best."

She crossed her arms over her chest and then sighed. "Look, I know this isn't ideal. I thought about it a lot and I couldn't figure out a way to make it so that it didn't end up in some kind of free-for-all."

He raised his eyebrows. "You think I'd make a stink?"

"You might." He looked away. "Or Teddy might." She grabbed his arm. "Please."

He looked at her and then he thought about his daughter, asleep in her nursery upstairs. He'd worked so hard to be a good father to her, to stay sober, and do all the things Rayna asked of him. It already felt like he wasn't getting good, quality time with her and now he felt like he was being excluded from the milestones of her life. He took a deep breath. "I don't know, Rayna," he said. "I gotta think about it." And then he turned and walked out.

* * *

In the end, he had followed her wishes, although he was still angry about it. He drove by the house that afternoon and saw the pink balloons tied to the gate. He even drove into the driveway and stopped at the gate, considering whether he should go anyway. But as hurt as he was, he didn't want to make a scene. It was more important that he be able to be in Maddie's life for the long haul and he didn't want this to mess that chance up. He spent extra time with Maddie the next day, but as he was leaving, he turned to Rayna. "That's the last time you push me out," he said. "I done everything you asked and I deserve to be here for this kinda stuff in the future. It's _my_ name on her birth certificate and she deserves to know that I am always there for her. Every way I can be."

She didn't say anything, just looked away, and then he turned and walked out.

 **Rayna**

 _Yesterday was Maddie's birthday. Her first birthday. I kept telling myself she wouldn't remember it, wouldn't know it was anything special, wouldn't know why all those people were there, who were really there because of Teddy and me, not for her. I told myself she wouldn't remember that her father wasn't there that day. But will she ask me one day? When she sees the pictures and the video? Will she ask me then where he was?_

 _I let Teddy talk me out of inviting him, with his pleas for peace. But by the end of the party Maddie was crying, although not about that, and I wanted to cry with her. I knew this would be complicated, knew that I was opening a huge Pandora's box, when I decided Deacon needed to know about his child, but it was the right thing to do. This, however, was not. Deacon was right. Keeping him away was wrong and I'll have to figure this out before the next birthday. Except I can't ever make this up to him now._

 **Teddy**

He kept waiting for her to say something. She'd been so subdued in those couple days after Maddie's party. He had been firm when he said he didn't want Deacon to come. He told her it was because he was afraid the other man would cause a scene. That was partly true, but he also just didn't want the whispers and the looks that he knew would go on. It wasn't a secret that Deacon Claybourne was Maddie's father, although, to be fair, Rayna would never elaborate on it to anyone outside her close circle. _You know, Teddy, I've always kept my private life private._ That was true. She had. It was just a fact of life. And he didn't want the reminders.

She never said anything about how she felt, although he knew she'd gone outside the night of the party and cried. He supposed it didn't matter whether she had told Claybourne about Maddie or not, he would still have been a third person in their marriage and their lives together. He tried to remind himself that she'd chosen him, stayed with him, loved him. But in a week, they'd be leaving for her tour. And Claybourne would ride her bus, during the day, so he could spend time with Maddie.

At least that's what she said.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was packing Maddie's things when Teddy came to the door. She looked up at him and smiled. "I'm almost done," she said.

He smiled back, although she thought he looked a little forlorn. "Looks like you're taking everything," he said.

She laughed softly. "Not quite. But we'll be gone for three weeks before we can get back here, so it's best to take more than enough, I think." She smiled. "We'll miss you. I know Maddie, especially, will miss you rocking her to sleep."

He tried to smile, but his mouth was just a thin line. "I'm sure Claybourne will be happy to do that," he said, a little irritation in his voice.

She looked down at the clothes she was packing. "I'm sure he will," she said. "But so will I." She looked back at him. "Teddy, it's going to be fine." She was nervous enough about getting back out on stage, after her extended maternity leave. She was starting out at some smaller venues, working up to medium sized arenas towards the end of the tour. The good news was that her album had gone triple platinum while she'd been off and the tour was eighty-five percent sold out. Bucky was sure they'd be at a hundred percent by the time the first reviews started to come in. But she hadn't been on a stage in over a year. And Deacon was back in her band.

Teddy sighed. "You're still sure having him back is a good idea," he said, a statement rather than a question.

She put down the tiny pair of jeans she had in her hands and walked over to him. She put a hand on his face. "It's going to be fine, babe," she said. "Deacon knows the rules."

He breathed in. "But he's riding on the same bus…."

She put a finger over his mouth to shush him. "I know you're scared," she said. "I know what you're scared of. But you have to trust me." She looked at him with compassion. "I made a choice, you know, that day I came to you and told you what I'd done at the cabin. I chose _you_ , Teddy. Because I wanted a stable life, a healthy life, for myself and, later, for my baby. I know you worry about Deacon and me, the proximity and everything, but I divorced him for a reason. And that reason isn't just to run back to what I ran away from." She smiled then. "The more time goes by, the more I realize that I made the right choice when I chose you. And when I chose to end things with him for good." She looked down and then back at him. "He _is_ Maddie's father and we all agreed that it was right for him to have a relationship with her. That's all that it is."

He sighed and took her hand. "I know it is for you. But what about for him? Can he live with the rules? Will he honor your wishes? _Our_ wishes?"

She made a face and shrugged. "I can't predict him. It's one of the things I struggled with. But I can tell you that, from my point of view, Deacon Claybourne is Maddie's father. And my bandleader. And that's all it's going to be." She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you, Teddy." She searched his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

He looked at her for a long moment and then finally nodded his head. "I do." He sighed. "I just worry he's going to make it hard for you."

She smiled then. "I can take care of myself. Don't you worry." She would never tell him that she was more worried than she let on. It was the truth that she had chosen him, that she had the kind of life she wanted to have, without drama and pain and hopelessness. But just because she had chosen Teddy didn't mean she could completely forget what she'd had with Deacon. It would have been simpler had she not gotten pregnant, but she had, and now there was Maddie, and their lives would remain entangled. But, as she'd told herself every single day, the fact that Deacon was in her blood, that their lives had been so unbelievably connected, even without Maddie, didn't mean it was healthy. She'd made the right choice – to extricate herself from him and move on with Teddy. She was determined not to lose sight of that.

 **Deacon**

When he got off the elevator, he saw her standing in the lobby. Teddy had come out for the weekend, which had made things feel awkward. Teddy was holding Maddie on his hip and Deacon felt a slow burn as he watched. Rayna was smiling and holding Maddie's hand and Teddy was smiling too. The perfect little family. He scowled and stepped back into the shadows. He would wait until she left to head over to the arena for sound check. He knew, if he walked through the lobby, that Teddy would stare at him smugly and Rayna would look away uncomfortably. And Maddie would see him and squeal with delight, which would anger Teddy and would feel like a kick in the gut to him. Maddie was _his_ daughter, but at times like these he felt like he was on the outside looking in.

He looked at Rayna then. She was dressed casually, the way he'd always liked, in her beat up jeans and boots and a tank top. She had her hair pulled back into a ponytail and was wearing a ball cap. He knew she'd have no makeup on, which would make her look younger. He sighed. She still looked so pretty. These days, though, she looked different somehow. Some of it was probably being a mama. It had changed the shape of her, in subtle ways, but he appreciated the new curves that hadn't been there before. Whenever she looked at Maddie, her face lit up with pure, unadulterated joy. It reminded him sometimes of the way she had looked at him, back in the very early days. Back when she had worn her love for him fully and completely, without shame or a desire to hide it. That was how she looked now, at their daughter.

But it was more than that. He had finally decided it was that she looked peaceful. Rested and relaxed. It hurt him more than he could say to realize it had been a long time since she had looked that way with him. His demons and drinking had worn her down in ways he'd never intended and it left an ache in his heart to know he'd done that to her. When she would catch him looking at her, he would just smile sadly and turn away. They never talked about that and he knew it made her uncomfortable, so it was better to leave all that unsaid.

He appreciated, more than he could say, the chance to spend time with Maddie, to know their daughter the way he was getting to. Maddie was a happy baby, a pretty little girl. Rayna would tell him she thought Maddie looked like him, but he always saw Rayna in her. Maddie was a fiercely independent little girl, even at her young age. It always made him smile to watch her little frown as she concentrated on doing something, pushing his or Rayna's hands away when they would try to help her. He was grateful to be her father and get to be part of her life.

 _Maddie was fighting him as he tried to brush her hair and put the little barrette in to hold it off her face. She was scowling and waving her arms around, hitting at his arms. But he persisted and then set her down on the floor in Rayna's dressing room. He turned to pick up his guitar as she walked over to Rayna._

" _Oh, sweetie," he heard Rayna say. When he turned back, Rayna was picking up the barrette from the floor. "Daddy worked so hard on that."_

 _He smiled. "It's okay." He winked. "She's stubborn like her mama."_

 _Rayna shook her head and smirked. "Oh, no, stubborn she gets from you, babe." When she called him 'babe' there was an awkward silence and she looked away, concentrating on Maddie. He had a hard time breathing in. Then Rayna looked back at him, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry," she said, as she picked Maddie up and situated her on her hip. She sighed._

 _He waved his hand. "It's okay, Ray," he said._

 _She shook her head. "I think this was the thing that scared me the most, Deacon. That the lines could get blurred." She made a face. "I have to be honest. Back in the beginning, I wondered if telling you was the right thing to do. I knew it would be…complicated." He frowned. "I only thought about it for a minute, you know? Because it wouldn't have been fair, to any of us, if I'd pretended she was Teddy's. But the way things are right now is the way they should be. It's better for all of us this way."_

 _He felt a curl of anger that he tried to control. "I get it, Rayna," he said. "We just gotta stay focused on those damn boundaries." Then he walked out of her dressing room, before she could respond._

Those boundaries were hard, that was for sure. He focused back on Rayna and Teddy and watched as Teddy put his arm around Rayna's shoulders and they walked towards the hotel exit. Rayna would have a car waiting for her, but he still stood back. Then behind him, he heard the ding of the elevator. "Hey, Deacon!" He turned to see Andy and Steve, from the band. He raised his hand in response and then the three of them walked out to catch a cab.

 **Rayna**

One of the things she appreciated the most about Deacon riding on her bus during the day was that he was more than willing to keep an eye on Maddie so she could get some time to herself. Being back on the road, with a one year old, was harder than she'd expected. Maddie was much more mobile and, as she got older, was developing her own little personality. She remembered telling Deacon, when Maddie was born, that their daughter was all the best parts of them, but she was also some of the most challenging ones as well. She was stubborn and she wanted her own way. Rayna could already tell that Maddie was going to be a daddy's girl, that she would have Deacon wrapped around her little finger, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. But, as she woke up from her much-needed nap, she decided not to focus on it.

She had enjoyed getting to see Deacon and Maddie together. It was always a little bittersweet, seeing how much he loved their daughter and how hard he worked staying sober. Of course, she'd already made all her decisions by the time Maddie came along. As hard as it had been to make the decision to divorce Deacon, she'd known it was the right thing to do, for both of them. Deciding to marry Teddy had been an easier decision than it might have been and she was always grateful for the normalcy he brought to her life. Letting Deacon be part of Maddie's life had felt trickier.

 _Rayna paced back and forth in the living room of her apartment. Everything about her life had been filled with so much turmoil and, just when she thought that was behind her, she'd discovered she was pregnant. She'd been afraid Teddy would walk away, but he had surprised her by being more protective of her than before. She didn't need to marry anybody, but what he had offered, when he asked her to marry him, had been so appealing. It would be her safe place, her little house with the white picket fence. No more anxiety, no more fear and worry, no more pain._

 _But there was one part she didn't think she could agree to. She stopped her pacing and looked at Teddy. "Teddy, I don't think I can hide this from Deacon," she said._

 _Teddy scowled. "Rayna, do you really want an alcoholic to be your baby's father? Do you really want someone that unreliable and undependable to be involved in your child's life?"_

 _She bit her lip. She'd thought about that. Deacon was back in rehab – for the fifth time now – and it didn't seem like he'd ever be able to truly be a father. But the idea that she would keep this from him didn't sit well. She wasn't sure she could lie about that for the rest of her life. "I don't know, Teddy," she said. "I mean, I understand what you're saying, but I don't think I can lie to him."_

 _He shook his head. "Rayna, you told me he didn't even remember why you were there that night. He doesn't have to know."_

 _She took a deep breath and then looked at him sharply. "Is that what_ _you_ _would want, Teddy? Would you want to never know you had a child? And what about when the truth comes out? Because I'm just not sure it would never happen."_

 _He put his hands on her arms. "I'm just thinking about you. And about your baby. I'd give you a safe place, take care of you. And the baby. I'll love your child as if it were mine."_

 _She felt overwhelmed and got a little teary. But she shook her head. "I can't do what you want," she said softly. "I would love to marry you, Teddy, but I have to tell Deacon the truth. We'll figure something out about the baby." She breathed out. "If that's your condition, I can't do it."_

She took a deep breath. Fortunately Teddy had relented, albeit grudgingly. So far, she felt as though things had worked out for the best, although the tour had been a big question mark. Teddy had been unhappy with her plan to bring Deacon back to her band and she knew she had to work hard to show him his trust in her was justified.

She sat up on the edge of the bed. It was hard. Being this close to Deacon was hard. She couldn't deny to herself that she missed him sometimes. She dreamt about him at night, and seeing him with Maddie tore at her heart. She reminded herself that she'd done the right thing. Letting Deacon do this on his own had been the best thing for both of them. She was proud of how far he'd come and how well he'd done. And she was happy with Teddy. As much as she had loved Deacon, their life together had been hard and complicated and painful. Every time she even considered whether she'd made the right choice, she would remember how dark and impossible that time in her life had been, and she knew this was best.

She suddenly realized she didn't hear anything from the front of the bus and she frowned, then pushed herself up from the bed. She looked in the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair, rearranging it around her shoulders. Then she opened the suite door. She didn't see Deacon sitting up front and she started down the aisle. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of him lying on one of the bunks. She could see that his breathing was even and deep, so she knew he was asleep and, for a second, she felt a sense of panic about Maddie. But then she took another step closer and she saw Maddie curled up next to Deacon, asleep herself, her tiny hand resting against his chest. She lifted her hand to her mouth and felt the moistness of tears in her eyes. _This is why I did this._

 **Deacon**

He loved watching Rayna with Maddie. He was always reminded, when he saw them together, what a good mama Rayna was. She was born to it. He thought about the very first sound check of the tour, when Rayna brought Maddie out on stage with her. She had Maddie on her hip and the little girl looked around the venue with wide eyes, the fingers of one hand in her mouth. She seemed fascinated by everything. He was standing on the side stage and watched as Rayna pointed things out to the little girl. He was struck again by how at ease she looked and the happiness on her face. When he walked out onto the stage, she had turned towards him, and Maddie had taken her hand out of her mouth and squealed happily, waving her arms excitedly.

He'd been surprised, before sound check in Cincinnati, when she joined him, with Maddie, in the nosebleed section. It was the first time on the tour that she had come up to sit with him. It had been their ritual for so many years and he'd been disappointed when she didn't come, although he'd understood.

When she reached his row, she looked at Maddie, and then pointed at him. "Who's that, sweet girl?" she said, smiling. Maddie shrieked and then laughed, reaching her hand towards him. Rayna set their squirming daughter on the ground and, holding one of her hands, let Maddie walk down the row towards him.

"Hey, there, baby girl," he said, as he picked her up and settled her in his lap. Rayna sat in the seat next to him. He looked at her. "Hey."

She smiled. "Hey. I thought maybe it was a good time to introduce Maddie to this," she said, nodding down towards the stage. She looked back at him and then reached for Maddie's hand. "I wasn't avoiding this, you know. Or you."

He breathed in and then focused on Maddie, sitting in his lap, babbling softly. "I woulda understood," he said quietly.

She let go of Maddie's hand and sat back against the seat, looking down towards the stage. She sighed. "I'm glad you came back out on the tour," she said. "I know I told you it was for Maddie, but it wasn't just for that." He found himself holding his breath. "When I brought Adria out with me, she was really good. Better than I had expected." She turned to look at him. "But there's a magic we have when we perform together, you and me. I was worried that all of this" – she waved her hand around – "would get in the way of that, but it hasn't. Not really." She smiled. "Even with all the hell we put each other through, that part was always heaven. Still is. You make me better, Deacon. You always have." She took a deep breath. "There'd be no Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne. That's still true."

He wasn't sure exactly what she meant. "Rayna, I…." he started.

She shook her head. "I don't mean to make things complicated. I feel like, in our professional lives, we're still good together. But I want you to be happy. I care about you. You're still my family, Deacon, even if it's a little different. And you're Maddie's father. I just, you know, I want good things for you."

Maddie started reaching for Rayna and he let Rayna take her. He nodded and looked towards the stage, feeling strangely empty. "I get it," he said. She didn't respond and the silence went on. He thought she would leave then, but she started talking to Maddie.

"See the stage down there, sweet pea?" she said, pointing down towards the stage. Maddie looked in that direction. Rayna leaned forward, talking into the little girl's ear. "Your daddy and I started doing this a long time ago. To remind us to sing out to everyone in the arena, even those people who sat all the way up here and couldn't see us very well. Every single person who comes to hear us deserves that."

He looked over at her. "Maybe one day she'll be doing the same thing," he said.

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "You think she'll want to be an artist?" she asked.

He smiled a little. "How can she help it? It's in her blood," he said.

Rayna seemed to consider that, holding Maddie close and lowering her head to press her lips against Maddie's hair. Finally she slid forward on the seat. "I guess I need to go," she said. "I pushed Maddie's nap back, so I could start doing this again, so I need to get her down."

Before she could get up, he reached for her arm and she turned to look at him. "I'm glad you came," he said. Then he reached out and ran his thumb over Maddie's cheek. "Sleep good, baby girl," he said.

He stayed for a while after Rayna left, just thinking about the subtle changes in their relationship since he'd been back in her band. It seemed like they were taking baby steps towards some kind of a relationship that went beyond just being Maddie's parents. He knew it was dangerous to hope for anything, but it was hard not to want it anyway.

 **Rayna**

As always, she ended the show with 'Already Gone'. She still loved the amped up arrangement Deacon had created. It was the perfect ending, with the crowd always up on their feet, screaming out their appreciation. "Thank you, Cincinnati!" she cried, then lifting her arms up over her head, smiling happily. She felt the satisfied rush she always felt at the end of the show. She felt energized and practically tingled from head to foot. That's how she knew it had been a good performance, a great performance. She was on a high, buzzed with the energy she took in from the crowd, adrenaline flowing.

She was almost to the side stage when she felt Deacon's hand on the small of her back. She felt that tingle of electricity she always felt when he touched her, even when it was platonic. Although she supposed their touches were never really platonic, but they pretended they were. He leaned into her ear and she turned her head slightly towards him. "You were amazing!" he shouted, over the lingering crowd noise.

She pulled her ear piece out and smiled at him. "Thanks," she said. "It was a great show." She felt strangely sad when they cleared the open stage, heading for the steps, and he dropped his hand.

He lingered by her side though. "Uh, I'm gonna skip the after party," he said.

She frowned. "How come?"

He shrugged. "Just ain't feeling it tonight." She knew it was hard for him, being around all the alcohol. He was doing great with his program, nearly two years sober now, but she understood it was all still fragile. He raised his eyebrows. "I can go take over for Lynn." Lynn was part of her glam squad and she watched Maddie when Rayna was on stage and during sound checks and other appearances.

She thought about that. It meant he'd be in her room when she came back from the party, late at night, when she would be tired and her defenses might be down. She breathed in. _It's no big deal._ She smiled at him. "Sure," she said. "I'm sure Lynn wouldn't mind getting to bed a little early." She nodded. "Thanks." She watched him walk off and it made her think about how things used to be. She sighed and then headed for her dressing room.

* * *

She left the after party as soon as it made sense. As she rode up the elevator to her floor, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. As much as she had loved staying home with Maddie, this was really where she belonged. On the road, performing in front of thousands, making music. She considered that, if not for Maddie, Deacon probably wouldn't be back out on tour with her. She wondered how that would have felt, long term. She had told Deacon the truth – Adria had been wonderful. She'd felt bad when she'd had to tell her that she was bringing Deacon back to her band, but Adria had been a real pro about it. But as good as things were with Adria, this was better. She knew that, deep in her soul. Deacon brought out something in her that no one else could. Maybe it was their history, maybe it was how they'd felt about each other, she didn't know for certain. But Deacon and the music, they were the same for her. She couldn't distinguish between the two.

The elevator chime indicated she'd reached her floor and she opened her eyes and walked out into the hallway. She ended up standing outside her door for a moment. She would walk in and Deacon would be there. It was the kind of scenario she knew Teddy was certain would lead to no good, even though she'd assured him otherwise. But she had also told him that Deacon was a wild card and she knew that was true as well. Finally, she breathed in and slid her key card in the door.

She tried to be quiet. It was after midnight and she knew Maddie would likely be asleep, but she wasn't sure what Deacon would be doing. The room was dark, although the city lights coming through the window meant she could see the outlines of the furniture. She slid off her shoes and walked quietly into the room where Maddie slept. She leaned over the crib and saw that her daughter was sleeping soundly. She reached in and ran her hand gently over Maddie's back, smiling to herself.

She walked back into the main area of the suite, wondering where Deacon was. As she walked closer to the windows, she saw him asleep on the couch. He was laying on his side, with one hand under his face. She leaned over slightly and touched his arm. "Deacon?" she said softly.

He made a noise and his eyes opened. When he saw her, he sat up and rubbed his face. "Sorry," he said.

"No, it's okay," she said quietly. She sat down on the couch next to him. "Did she sleep the whole time?"

He nodded. "She was asleep when I got here." He looked at her. "She sleeps through the night then?"

She smiled. "Most of the time. But she's done that since before she was six months old." She breathed in. "When the tour's over, are you interested in having her stay with you some?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You mean, like some kinda custody agreement?"

She nodded. "Kind of a visitation thing." She looked out the window, rubbing her hands over her legs. "I've been thinking about that lately. Since we've been on the road together."

"I would like that," he said.

She reached over and ran her hand lightly over the back of his arm. "I'm really proud of how you've done, Deacon," she said. "And you and Maddie have really formed a bond and I'm glad to see that." She moved her hand back to her leg. "I want you to keep being a part of her life. So we'll work something out."

He breathed out and looked down at his hands. "I'm glad you decided to tell me about her. She's the best part of my life."

She smiled. "I'm glad too."

He stood up then. "I guess I should go," he said, and he headed for the door. She got up and followed him. He turned back to look at her. "I guess I'll see you in the morning."

She reached out and took his hands. "I'm really glad this has all worked out," she said. His eyes were shadowed and she couldn't really read his expression, but she felt that chemistry between them and she felt sure he did too. For a moment she didn't want him to leave. This was the man she'd wanted him to be, for all those years. Her breath caught in her throat as she struggled not to do something she would regret.

Finally he squeezed her hands and leaned towards her, kissing her gently on the forehead. "Thanks for everything, Ray," he said quietly. Then he let go of her hands and let himself out of her room.

 **Deacon**

It had been dark in the suite. Maddie was asleep. He could feel the tension, the pull, between him and Rayna. He had wanted to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her until she couldn't breathe. He'd wanted to carry her to bed and make love to her, with all the pent up need he had inside him. Every time she touched him, it felt like an electrical charge running through him. It had taken every ounce of fortitude to kiss her on the forehead and not on the lips.

As he walked towards the elevator, he wondered how she felt, behind closed doors.

 **Rayna**

Rayna walked slowly up the steps to Deacon's house, Maddie in her arms. She had stopped by unannounced, but she knew he was at home. Before she knocked on the door, she looked at Maddie. "This is your Daddy's house," she said, kissing her on the forehead. Then she sighed. "Mama lived here too. Once." She raised her hand and knocked on the door.

When Deacon opened it, he looked surprised. "Hey," he said. He stepped back. "Come on in." He smiled at Maddie, grabbing her hand. "Hey, baby girl," he said, as she squealed happily.

Rayna took a deep breath and reached up to push her hair behind her ear, feeling a little nervous. "Sorry to just drop in," she said.

Deacon shook his head. "Nah, it's okay." He gestured towards the couch. "You wanna sit down?" he asked.

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah." She walked over and sat, perched on the edge of the couch, holding a squirming Maddie on her lap. He sat next to her and she turned to look at him. "I wanted to talk to you. About her." She inclined her head towards Maddie. Maddie turned in her arms and reached towards Deacon, so she let her go to him.

He frowned. "What's going on?"

She clasped her hands on her knees and rocked back and forth just a little. "Nothing bad. I just wanted to talk to you. You know, talk to you about spending more time with her."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She nodded. "I told you after we finished the tour that we'd talk about it, so I want to see what you think now. You think you're ready for that?"

He took a deep breath. "I think so. I would like that, for sure. If you're okay with it."

She smiled a little. "I wouldn't bring it up if I wasn't okay with it." She breathed in. "I was thinking, while we're off the road, maybe you'd like to have her every other weekend? I don't want to overwhelm you at first, but after we see how that goes, we could talk about longer periods of time."

He seemed to consider that. Then he looked down at Maddie, who reached up and grabbed at his face, laughing as she did. "I spent a lotta time with her, Rayna, on the bus and stuff. I know what to do. I'd like her for more than just weekends." He looked at her then, his eyes a little wary. "I done everything you asked. I want to be part of her life. More than just weekends."

She bit her lip. She hadn't really expected that. "I just thought it might be good to ease into it," she said. "Being with her on the bus is a lot different than having her stay with you."

She could see him clench his jaw. "She's my daughter, Rayna," he said. "I get we aren't doing this together, but I want to raise her too."

Her anxiety level started to rise. "But we _are_ doing this together, Deacon," she protested. "I haven't left you out of anything."

"I can take care of her, Rayna," he said, sounding a little stubborn. "I done everything. All I gotta do is set things up for her here." He breathed out. "I'd like every other week."

She swallowed hard, trying to keep her composure. "I don't know," she started.

"I'm sober, Rayna," he said firmly. "Two years, I been sober now." He looked down at Maddie. "She's a year and a half. And none of that time did I get to feel like she was really part of _my_ life. I got to be part of _yours_ , so I could be with her, but it's time for her to be able to be with me."

Maddie had squirmed out of his arms and towards her, so Rayna tried to settle her nerves while she took Maddie back. This had surprised her. She had thought he would welcome the idea of easing into this, especially as stressful as a toddler could be. Even though he was two years sober, he hadn't really been tested in that way. She knew Teddy wouldn't like it. He'd had a hard enough time when she proposed weekends and she knew this would infuriate him. But then she realized that, although Teddy's feelings were important to _her_ , the reality was that Deacon was not only Maddie's biological father, but her legal father as well, and that was what mattered. She breathed in. "You're sure," she said, more a statement than a question.

He nodded. "I'm sure. This is what I want. I want to be a real father to her. I want her to know how important she is to me. I want to be there for the good and the bad." He breathed out. "I know Teddy won't like it, but it ain't really about him now, is it, Rayna? If you really meant what you said, that you want me to be a real father to Maddie, then you'll agree to this."

She looked at him. He was so focused and she could hear the passion in his voice. It still made her nervous. "Well, if that's what you want," she said hesitantly.

He nodded. "It is." His voice was firm.

She forced a smile on her face. "Okay then," she said. All of it worried her, but she tried to keep it under control. She reminded herself she was close by. "I would want you to promise me you'll call me, though, if you need help."

He tensed up at that, but then he breathed out. "Okay. But you gotta trust me, Rayna. She's my daughter too and I'll take good care of her."

She really didn't know what else to say, so she stood up, adjusting Maddie so that she was perched on her hip. She took a deep breath. "I'll have something drawn up then," she said and turned for the door.

He followed behind her, opening the door for her. When she walked out onto the porch, he did as well. She turned to look back at him. "I appreciate this, Ray," he said. "I just wanna do right by her."

She looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "I know," she said quietly and then she turned and walked down the steps, headed for her car.

 **Deacon**

It had taken longer than he'd thought it would to settle on a plan, so it was the first of November before he finally got to take Maddie home with him for the first time. Teddy, of course, had resisted turning Maddie over every other week. They'd gone back and forth until finally, he'd put his foot down and the lawyer he'd engaged to handle the custody agreement had made a persuasive case for Deacon's paternal rights. It turned out that it gave him some extra time to get a nursery set up for Maddie and a car seat for his truck. Cole had talked to him about his readiness for this step, trying to get him to see the value of easing in, but Deacon had stood firm.

" _Deacon, you sure you're ready for this?" Cole asked._

 _Deacon frowned. "Like I keep telling Rayna. I know how to do everything. I can change a diaper, feed her, dress her, whatever she needs." He breathed in. "And I can put her to bed and take her to the park and watch her sleep and be there when she wakes up. Stuff I ain't been able to do."_

" _It's a big responsibility…."_

" _I know that," he said, his voice getting louder. "I ain't gonna screw it up, Cole. And I'm tired of people thinking I will."_

 _Cole shook his head. "I don't think you'll screw it up, Deacon. But it's a lot."_

 _Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Why? 'Cause I'm a recovering alcoholic?" he snarked. "It ain't any different than if that weren't true. Plus she's mine, Cole. I need to be able to do this."_

 _Cole sighed. "I know you want to, Deacon," he said quietly. "Just don't be afraid to ask for help."_

 _Deacon looked away then and clenched his jaw. He was determined to make this work, to prove to everyone he could be a good father._

He was unexpectedly nervous the day he went to pick up Maddie the first time. Rayna had brought her out to the truck and fastened her into the car seat. Deacon put the overnight bag up front with him. Maddie was fussy at first, reaching out to Rayna, her little face screwed up with confusion. Rayna was a little teary too and so he tried to be compassionate.

"We'll be okay," he said, as he watched her.

She ran her fingers under her eyes and then smiled, a little tremulously. "I know," she said. "But it's the first time she's been away from me."

He felt a knot in his stomach. "I'll call. Let you know how it's going."

She nodded. "Thanks." She reached out then and rubbed the back of his arm. "I know you'll be fine and she'll be fine." She took a couple steps back. "I should go. She'll calm down as soon as you leave, I'm sure." He nodded and she turned to go back to the house. He watched for a moment and she turned back, lifting her hand in a wave. He did the same, then got into his truck.

She was right. Maddie calmed down soon after they left. He kept watching her in his rear view mirror and smiled to himself when she fell asleep before they even left Belle Meade. He breathed in deeply. He was still nervous, but he was also excited to have the opportunity to be a real father and for him and Maddie to learn how to navigate their lives together.

 **Teddy**

She'd done it. She had agreed to Claybourne's demand to have substantial visitation with Maddie. Every other week. He'd been furious when she'd told him and they'd had one of the biggest fights of their marriage. They barely spoke to each other for two days. He hadn't anticipated how much it would hurt, to lose that time with Maddie. He already was losing time with her while Rayna was on tour and it was killing him. He'd never realized how much he would love her.

He'd always known he loved Rayna more than she loved him. He hadn't necessarily thought that was a bad thing, because he believed she did love him. He still believed that, but now he would truly be faced with the other man in her life. Sometimes he wondered if it had all been worth it – marrying a woman who was pregnant with another man's child, being a father to that child even though he had no claim to her. But it had surprised him how much he had loved building that family with Rayna. Not just building a family, but doing it with her.

 _She had been the one to break the silence. He was in the study, pouring himself a bourbon, and she walked up behind him and put her hands on his arms. "Teddy, we should talk," she said. He held up the decanter. "Yes, please." He poured her a drink and handed it to her. She took a sip, then looked at him. "I'm sorry."_

 _He sighed. "I am too."_

 _She set her glass down and took his hand. "Sometimes I think you forget that I chose you, Teddy. I married you because I wanted to, not because I had to. I know we don't always see eye-to-eye on Deacon and Maddie, but I really want to do the right thing, for her."_

 _He clenched his jaw, then set down his glass and took her in his arms. "I know you do, Rayna," he said quietly. "I do."_

 _She leaned her cheek against his chest. "I think we both need to trust that Deacon loves Maddie and would never hurt her. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't think he could do it. But we'll be here, close by, just in case." He sighed and she looked up at him. "I love you for trusting me, Teddy. For standing by me. For loving Maddie. It means so much to me."_

" _I just hope you know how much I love her, Rayna. I have just as much of an interest in protecting her as you do. Or as he does."_

 _She smiled a little. "I know. And that's why I don't want us to fight about this. I want us to be together, being solid together about it."_

 _He looked into her eyes and he believed her. He smiled back. "Of course we are," he said, and he leaned down to kiss her._

At the end of the day, Rayna was _his_ wife. _His_ partner. He felt himself start to relax into that.


	14. 2001

**Teddy**

He wanted another baby. Actually, if he were really specific, he wanted her to have _his_ baby. To level the playing field. And, while he believed she loved him, to solidify their commitment to each other. He loved Maddie, of course, adored her actually. It was easy to forget she was Deacon's daughter. At least until the other man had asked for visitation. He still loved her though. But he wanted his own flesh-and-blood child. He didn't think that was too much to ask.

So right after New Year's, he'd asked her. Floated the idea. She was in the kitchen, making a salad. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. She laughed softly and leaned into him. She'd pulled her hair into a ponytail, which meant her neck was exposed and he kissed the skin just below her ear. She seemed to tense up just a little, but he couldn't be sure.

"So, I had an idea," he said.

She looked back over her shoulder at him and grinned. "What kind of idea?" she asked.

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Let's have another baby," he said. She really did tense up then and stopped chopping vegetables.

"What?"

"Maddie will be two this year and, by the time a baby comes, she'll be closer to three. I think that's a good age range."

She put down the knife she was holding and pulled away from him, turning to face him. "I think that's a bad idea," she said.

He was surprised. "Why, Rayna?" He looked at her carefully. "Do you not want us to have a baby?"

She rolled her eyes and walked away from the counter. "Of course I do, Teddy, but if I get pregnant now, I could pretty much kiss a long tour goodbye and I need that this year. After taking that year off after Maddie was born, I need to stay on top of my career. I've told you how fragile that can be. This year is not the right year."

"When will be the right year, Rayna?" he asked, a little more harshly than he'd meant to.

She didn't look at him. "I don't know, Teddy," she said, with a shrug. "We can talk about it next year. Maybe."

"Do you even want to have a baby with me?" he asked, afraid of the answer, but also afraid not to ask.

She looked at him then, her face tight. "Don't be ridiculous, Teddy," she said. "This is just not the right year." She walked back over to where she'd been working on the salad. "Let me finish getting dinner ready," she said, signaling that the conversation was over.

He tried not to, but he had to wonder if her putting him off had anything to do with Deacon Claybourne.

 **Rayna**

It really wasn't that she didn't want another baby. Or even that she didn't want a baby with him. It really wasn't the right timing. This would be her second tour after Maddie and she really needed it. Taking all that time off – over a year – had hurt. Not as badly as it could have, because her album did well, but the timing was off.

She knew Teddy's feelings had been hurt, though, so she'd made an extra effort to be loving. She'd even been the one to initiate sex that night. She loved Teddy and she wanted him to know she was committed to him.

It just wasn't the right time. She just wasn't ready.

 **Deacon**

He woke up one morning in late January, when it was below freezing outside. It had snowed the day before, enough to completely cover the grass, and that made it feel even colder. It would be gone soon, he knew. Snow never lasted long in Nashville.

When he woke up that morning, he missed Rayna. He thought about her most every day, sometimes because of Maddie, sometimes because of her, but he hadn't really _missed_ her in a while. His eyes were closed, but he knew he was facing her side of the bed. And in those moments, he wished she was there, that her legs were tangled up with his, that her hand lay on his chest, that he could feel her breath against his cheek. He could feel her kiss him on the cheek, her hair brushing against his shoulder. He could feel his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him, until her body was pressed against his. That's when he would run his hand down her back and over her bottom, reveling in her soft skin, burying his nose in her neck and breathing in her scent.

He opened his eyes and, of course, she wasn't there. He breathed in and closed his eyes, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces. Again. Then he rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He walked out towards the kitchen, stopping by the front door, pulling back the curtain, and peering out at the winter wonderland outside. Rayna loved snow, loved how it made everything clean and pristine in the time before anyone ventured out. She loved to go out and breathe in the cold air and delight in the quiet.

As he stood in the kitchen making coffee, he missed her again. She would sit at the counter and he would make his 'world-famous' eggs. Or sometimes she would make her less-than-famous chocolate chip pancakes. And they would drink coffee and laugh, talking about music or what they wanted to do that day or make plans for the future.

They didn't always have to be in the same room. Sometimes he would be in the living room, working on a song, and she would be in the kitchen, washing dishes or making tea. He would look up from his guitar and she'd be standing in the doorway, just watching him, with a smile on her face. He would smile back and she would come sit next to him. Before long, their legs would be entwined and she'd be kissing him fervently and he'd let his hands roam her curves and edges, and then they would probably end up back in bed. He missed that. With her.

He leaned on the counter with his coffee and thought about the fact that they were no longer together. Hadn't been together going on three years now. He would never have thought that would be possible. He had never loved anyone like he loved her, wasn't sure he ever would. She made him feel safe and he knew she loved him the way he loved her. He knew he was the luckiest guy in the world, having her, and many times he felt like he didn't deserve her, but he was grateful she loved him the way she did.

But she had another life now. She was doing all these things with someone else. Waking up with someone else, making breakfast with someone else, telling _him_ how much she loved the stillness and the peacefulness of new fallen snow. He wondered, sometimes, if it had been easy for her to find that with someone else, and if one day he would be able to do that as well. Sometimes he wished he could ask her how she was able to get over him, so that maybe he could get over her.

He wondered if she ever missed him the way he missed her.

 **Rayna**

He was prompt, as he always was, when picking up Maddie. She greeted him at the door with a smile. "Hey," she said. "Come on in." She stepped back to let him in, then closed the door behind him. "I'll go get Maddie."

"Uh, can you wait a second?" he asked, surprising her. She turned back to look at him. "I, uh, I know Maddie's birthday's in a couple weeks. You planning something?"

She had known she couldn't just ignore it with him, but that was exactly what she'd done. She had rolled it around in her head for weeks, unable to figure out a solution she was happy with. She shrugged and looked away. "Same kind of thing as last year," she said.

"Were you gonna invite me?" he asked, sounding a little mulish.

She looked back at him and sighed. "I don't know," she said. He made an angry face, shaking his head. "Deacon, it's complicated. You _know_ that."

He took a step towards her. "What I _know_ is that she's _my_ daughter and you want to keep me away from her on her birthday. Again," he said angrily.

She frowned. "That's not true," she said. "I _don't_ want to do that. But it's hard to come up with a solution that works for everyone. That doesn't feel uncomfortable."

He breathed in. "This is about Conrad, isn't it? He don't want me here."

She shrugged. "Well, he doesn't, of course. But no, that's not really it." She looked at him. "It's like I told you last year. I don't want the tension."

"It ain't fair, Rayna," he said stubbornly.

She looked down. "I know," she said. "You're right. It's not fair to you. Or her." She looked back at him. "What if you came to see her before the party?"

He looked at her for a moment and then shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't wanna do that. I wanna see her having fun. I wanna be part of that, _with_ her."

She sighed. "Deacon…."

He put his hands on his hips and looked at her angrily. "No, Rayna. I ain't gonna pretend I ain't her daddy. I got a right to be here and be with her and see her."

She really didn't want to have this argument with him. It felt like there was no good, workable solution, but she also acknowledged to herself that he had a point. She was going to have to figure something out. "Look, we're not going to solve this right now," she said. "I hear you and I promise, I'll figure out a solution. Okay?" He looked like he wanted to argue with her, so she held up her hand. "We'll talk about this again when you bring Maddie home. And I promise, I'll have an answer for you. That's the best I can do right now." She turned and walked off, headed for Maddie's room.

* * *

After she'd finished cleaning up the kitchen, Rayna wandered into the den, where Teddy was reading. She sat down next to him and rubbed her hands over her legs. He put his book down and looked at her. "What's up, Rayna?" he asked.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about Maddie's party," she said. "Specifically about Deacon being there."

He clenched his jaw. "I'd rather he not be," he said.

She sighed. "I understand. But he wants to. And, quite honestly, Teddy, I think it's only fair that we let him. He's Maddie's biological father and I don't think we should stop him from seeing her at her birthday party."

"Rayna, I realize it's common knowledge that Deacon is her biological father, but I think it just makes for an awkward situation. And it's supposed to be a happy day for Maddie."

She looked at him and frowned. "It would make _Maddie_ happy to have him there." Teddy looked annoyed. "So, are you saying that if he comes, you'll get into a fight with him?"

He looked surprised at that. "Of course not, Rayna. But who's to say _he_ won't start one?" He sighed. "Why can't he come see her before the party, if it's that big of a deal for him?"

"Teddy, first of all, of course it's a big deal for him. Maddie's his daughter too. Anything related to her will be important to him. And I actually suggested he come before, but he didn't like that idea."

He shrugged. "I think you offered a reasonable alternative. If he's not interested, then too bad."

She frowned. "I'm not going to do that, Teddy. I'm going to tell him he's welcome to come. It's the right thing to do." She got up then and left the room.

* * *

In the end, Deacon came to the party, but waited to arrive until the last half hour. He stood on the patio at first and watched the party down below. When he got there, Rayna walked up to join him. They watched the children playing with balloons and blowing bubbles for a few minutes without talking. "Thanks for letting me come," he said, turning to look at her.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I wanted you to be here. I hope you know that."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "I do."

"You'll always be welcome, Deacon. As she gets older and remembers more, it will mean a lot to her." She looked down, then back out at the party. "I'm sorry about last year."

He shrugged. "It's done. We'll just go forward."

She looked at him and nodded. "You should go down there, have some fun with her," she said. He nodded and then walked towards the group. She smiled when she heard Maddie excitedly call out for him and then watched her run over so that he could pick her up. She could hear Deacon's laughter as he hugged her close and felt her breath catch in her throat as she watched them together. There were still times when she wished it weren't all so complicated, but in the end, she was grateful that Deacon loved Maddie and wanted to be a good father for her. _That's all I could really have asked for, in the end._

 **Deacon**

He hadn't counted the days, the way he did the number of days he'd been sober, but he figured it had probably been about the same amount of time since he'd been with a woman. When he thought about it, he wasn't sure exactly why that was. Some of it – a lot of it, if he were honest – had to do with Rayna. He'd been with Rayna for nearly eleven years. She had shown up at his apartment, when Lamar had kicked her out, back when she was sixteen years old. He'd taken her in, letting her have his bed. Within a few weeks, he'd joined her there and they were together until she had divorced him.

He didn't remember much about the time after she'd moved out. It was possible he had been with women then, but he couldn't remember. And even if he could, he was pretty sure he wouldn't remember much, if anything, about any of them. Not names, not faces, not details.

When he'd gotten out of rehab that last time, every second of his day was taken up with working to stay sober and being able to spend time with Maddie. Of course, spending time with Maddie had meant spending time with Rayna and, even though she was married to someone else, he couldn't imagine being with another woman then.

But he'd started to feel lonely. Not for a relationship, but for some companionship.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was talking to a local radio station general manager at the after party. She never minded the parties much, as she enjoyed talking to people, but sometimes she just wanted to get back to her room and see Maddie. Tonight was one of those nights. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Deacon, standing against a wall, talking to a very attractive brunette. He was smiling and the woman was touching his arm and Rayna felt that little swirl of jealousy. She forced herself to focus on the man she was speaking to, but suddenly she had lost her enthusiasm for the meet-and-greet.

As soon as she was able to politely end the conversation, she did. Then she made her way over to Bucky, avoiding eye contact with anyone else. Bucky turned towards her as she approached. "Hey, there, Rayna," he said, with a big smile. "Let me introduce you to…."

She smiled apologetically at Bucky and the man he was talking to. "I'm so sorry," she said, putting her hand on the man's arm briefly. "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm really not feeling too well. So I hope you will understand if I scoot out." She looked back at Bucky. "I'll be fine tomorrow. I think the long night just caught up to me all of a sudden."

Bucky nodded. "Sure, sure, I understand." She could tell he understood that she just needed to get away and he would cover for her.

"It was good to see you, Ms. Jaymes," the man Bucky was talking to said. "Great show tonight."

She smiled. "Thank you so much." She looked back at Bucky and tapped his arm. "I'll see you tomorrow." Then she hurried out of the ballroom. As she left, she noticed that Deacon and the brunette were gone. When she approached the elevator bank, she saw them standing there, Deacon's arm around her shoulders, and she took a step backwards and leaned against a wall out of sight. She heard the elevator chime and the doors slide open. When they slid closed again, she lowered her head and just breathed in for a moment. Then she recentered herself and made her way back to the elevator lobby.

* * *

Lynn looked up when Rayna walked in. "Hey, Rayna," she said. "You're back a little early."

Rayna shrugged and gave her a little smile. "Just a little tired, I guess," she said. "Maddie do okay?"

Lynn smiled. "Perfect, as always."

Rayna shook her head. Maddie had developed quite a feisty personality in the past year, so either Lynn was being nice or Maddie was better behaved with someone else. "Well, I'm not sure I believe she was perfect, but I appreciate you saying that. Listen, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." She watched as the other woman left the room and then she went to check on Maddie.

She couldn't help but smile at her daughter. Maddie was wearing her favorite pink bunny pajamas and she was up against the side of the crib, her bottom poking up in the air. Maddie usually fought sleeping in the crib, now that Rayna and Teddy were transitioning her to a bed at home. She would probably have to start doing something similar going forward while they were touring. She reached over the crib rail and gently laid Maddie's forgotten blanket lightly over her daughter and then she walked out of the room.

She went over to the mini-bar and poured a whiskey neat. She walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the city and lifted the glass to her lips, taking a small sip. She let the liquor settle in her mouth first and then she let it slowly trail down her throat, the warm burn feeling good as it did.

The whiskey drew her thoughts back to Deacon. Whiskey had been his drink of choice, straight and cheap. Drunk quickly, where the warmth of it was lost. Too many times she had watched him tip a bottle to his lips and take a deep swig. His face would contort as the metallic burn flowed down his throat. He would take a deep, gasping breath and then he would do it all over again. She took another sip, closing her eyes against the pain of that visual.

Then her thoughts moved to the woman he was standing with at the after party, the woman he had his arm around at the elevators. It was happening more often these days. He didn't always come to the after parties and he didn't always leave with a woman afterwards, but she'd noticed it when it did. It almost always left her with a lump in her throat and a deep, aching sadness that she knew she had no right to feel. It wasn't fair for her to care. She had moved on, so he had the right to do the same. In fact, she'd told him he should.

She didn't want to give him hope, so she'd tried to be clear that she had chosen Teddy, willingly, and that she was happy with that choice. _Which I am. I_ _am_ _. I do love Teddy. I'm happy with him. I'm happy with our life._ And she was, truly. There was a feeling of satisfaction, of calm, a sense of comfort, in that life. Even if she sometimes missed the passion and the heat of the life she'd led with Deacon, she told herself that was not the kind of life she wanted to raise her child in. She didn't want the volatility, the tumultuousness of it. _So why does this hurt? Still?_

She took another sip of her whiskey and then bit down on her lip. The women were always pretty, young, flirty. Deacon would always be smiling, the way she remembered him smiling at her. She would watch him lean in close, put a hand on her back or arm, and it hurt, even when it shouldn't have. It was never more than one night, since they were almost always headed to another city the next day. And she was grateful he'd chosen not to have a fling with someone who was part of the tour. He wasn't 'fishing in the company pond', as Teddy described that kind of activity. So she wasn't faced with it every day.

He surely knew she saw him. She felt like that was part of his plan, that she would see that he was moving on, like she'd told him to do. She felt a dampness in her eyes and she blinked her eyes rapidly. She did _not_ want to cry about Deacon going out with other women. Just then she heard Maddie and she set down her glass and headed for her, putting her thoughts about Deacon aside.

 **Deacon**

Deacon had just put the pretty blonde in a cab outside the hotel and walked back in, when he saw Rayna exit the elevator with Maddie, in a stroller. The blonde, whose name escaped him, had been one of the nicer women he'd met along the tour. She was a local radio promotions person who'd been at the after party the night before. She was smart, friendly, and had a great sense of humor. That she'd also been amazing in bed had been a welcome extra. It was why he'd been a little later than usual getting her out of the hotel. He felt a wave of relief, though, that Rayna had not seen that.

She walked up to him with a smile. "Hey, there," she said. "You're up and about early."

He started to reply when Maddie chimed in. "Daddy! Daddy!" she cried, and he welcomed the opportunity to kneel down next to her and ignore Rayna's comment.

He smiled at Maddie, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. "Hey there, sweet girl," he said. "Where you headed this morning?"

"Out!" she cried, and he looked up at Rayna.

"I found out there's a park around the corner, so I thought I'd take her over there. Get some fresh air. Would you like to join us?"

He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "Sure," he said, and he headed back out of the hotel alongside Rayna and the stroller.

They were mostly quiet as they walked, but when they talked, they talked about the show the previous night and that night's show, about changes to the set list, and a few ideas Rayna had for her next album. They found the park easily and headed for a bench that was near a carousel. Rayna sat on the bench and he unfastened Maddie from her stroller and settled her on his lap. About that time, the carousel started up, turning slowly, the painted horses moving up and down as the ride picked up speed.

"Ride! Wanna ride!" Maddie cried, waving her arms and straining at Deacon's arm, trying to get free.

He looked at Rayna. "You mind if I take her on the ride?"

Rayna looked a little nervous but she smiled and shook her head. "I guess not. As long as you hold her tight."

He grinned. "I will." He got up then and shifted Maddie to his hip and walked up to the carousel. She squealed excitedly and he actually found himself looking forward to doing this with her.

He paid for the ride and then, when the carousel slowed and stopped, he hopped on. He walked around until Maddie pointed at the horse she wanted to ride. It was a small white pony with a pink and gold painted saddle, a perfect choice. He settled her on the pony and wrapped her little hands around the pole. He held on to her with both hands as the ride started up again. He enjoyed her excitement and, when they passed by Rayna, he saw she had gotten up from the bench and was watching for them, waving when she saw them.

He leaned down. "Look, baby, there's Mama," he said to Maddie and she shrieked with excitement when she saw Rayna. He was glad to see she looked a little more relaxed. He felt the same way. These little interludes together, with Maddie, during the tour, gave him that family feel. He didn't know how she felt, just as he didn't know how she felt when she'd see him leave an after party with a pretty woman. He knew she noticed and, it always seemed to him, she was a little more subdued the next day. But this had turned into a nice day.

Just then he noticed the carousel slowing down and he prepared to get Maddie off the pony. She loudly protested and he reached for his wallet, as the ride operator approached. "That's okay, sir," the older gentleman said. "Your wife gave me some more money. She thought your little girl was having fun."

 _Your wife gave me some more money._ It was like a knife to his heart. Of course this man wouldn't know that, at one time, Rayna _had_ been his wife, and that now she was not. It just made him wish more than ever that he'd been able to conquer his demons before they'd gotten to the point of no return. But there was nothing that could be done now. As the carousel spun around again, he saw Rayna, still standing and watching, and he smiled a little sadly as they passed.

 **Rayna**

Rayna watched as the carousel made its way back around. She could hear Maddie's squeals of pleasure even before she saw her. When she came into view, Rayna waved and smiled. It warmed her heart to see Maddie and Deacon together. Maddie looked so happy right then and Deacon looked so…heartbreakingly gorgeous. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched them disappear again from her view.

This had been the danger of inviting him back into her band. While they were in rehearsals, in studio, and on tour, she spent far more time with Deacon than she did with Teddy. And Deacon was so familiar to her. It was hard not to think about him, hard not to fall into their old patterns together. It didn't help that Deacon was such a creature of habit. He liked what he liked and he didn't like things to change. He would get cranky when she moved furniture around, which had always amused her.

They spent a lot of time together, with Maddie, and it sometimes complicated things. She would find herself putting her hand on his arm or she would feel his hand on her back. A hug or holding each other's hand would last a little too long. She would look at him sometimes and see the yearning in his eyes and it was hard not to feel it herself. They knew so much about each other. Actually they knew _everything_ about each other. And that felt so damn intimate still. Having a child together meant they were always tied to each other, always a part of each other's lives.

It was bittersweet, watching Deacon and Maddie. For so long she had hoped for a family with him. Her dream was to sit on the porch at the cabin by the lake, with their family around them, singing and playing music and living on love. When it had become apparent to her that it wasn't going to happen, she'd been devastated. As sure as she'd been that she had to get herself out of the relationship before they both went down in flames, it had torn her apart to walk away from him. She prayed every night, for months, that he would be safe, that she wouldn't wake up one morning and find out that his drinking had killed him.

He had continued to try, without much success, and she'd felt heartened that he wasn't giving up. But it had still taken two more stints in rehab and the birth of an unexpected baby girl to set him – finally – on the right path. So their lives weren't what she'd planned, what she'd hoped for, back on that day when she was seventeen and she had promised to love him for the rest of her life. She hoped that maybe this was better, for all of them. And then there they were, in front of her again, and she put a smile on her face and waved, one more time.

 **Deacon**

The buses were parked in front of the hotel in Little Rock. Deacon had brought his things down early and stored them in the band bus. Then he had gone back upstairs to Rayna's suite and picked up Maddie. The tour was over and they would be headed back to Nashville, so they didn't have a hard pull-out time.

" _I know she won't remember this," he told Rayna. "But my mama used to bring me and Bev to Memphis every year and we'd stay at the Peabody and watch the duck parade. They got one here too, so I want to take Maddie."_

 _Rayna smiled. "I remember that," she said. "I also remember the time you took me to see it." She reached out and grabbed Maddie's hand. "I think she'll love it."_

 _He thought about the time he took Rayna. She was twenty then and he remembered that she had looked so young then. She had laughed and clapped her hands, excited over the marching ducks. It was a good memory and it made his heart ache just a little. But they didn't have a lot of time and he needed to get going. "I hope she does," he said. "We'll be back as soon as we can."_

Maddie had loved it. He'd held her so she could see over the crowd of people and she had clapped her little hands together, much like her mother had before her. The other people watching with them had looked at the two of them with gentle smiles. She babbled about 'duckies' all the way back to their hotel.

The buses were loading as they got back and Deacon saw Rayna standing out front. When she caught sight of them, she smiled and waved. He walked up to her and handed Maddie over. "She loved it," he said, with a grin.

"It was duckies, Mama!" Maddie cried.

Rayna smiled broadly at her daughter. "I'm so glad you enjoyed that," she said, kissing Maddie on the cheek. She turned to look at Deacon then. "You want to ride with us?" she asked.

He hesitated only for a second. He wouldn't see Maddie for a couple weeks, so it was a chance to spend some extra time with her. He nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks." Rayna was good about letting him spend time with Maddie and he appreciated it. Over time, she'd seemed much more comfortable with the whole idea of Maddie being with him and her staying with him every other week. Maddie had brought a special joy into his life and the weeks he had her were immensely satisfying, as he developed that relationship with his daughter.

He followed Rayna onto the bus and settled in for the ride back to Nashville.

* * *

When the bus pulled into Sound Check, Maddie was sitting in a car seat and Deacon was singing to her. Rayna had gone to the back to take a nap. Almost as soon as the bus stopped, the doors opened and footsteps came up the steps. Deacon turned to look and saw Teddy. The other man looked perturbed when he saw Deacon there.

"Where's Rayna?" he asked, tersely.

Just as Deacon was ready to answer, the door to the suite opened and Rayna stood there. "I was taking a nap and Deacon was watching Maddie," she said.

Teddy didn't respond, just started down the aisle to where Maddie was sitting. "Daddy! Daddy!" she cried out, waving her arms at him. Deacon felt like a knife had been inserted into his heart, hearing her call Teddy 'Daddy'. She, of course, had no idea how complicated the life was she'd been born into.

"Hey there, baby girl," Teddy said then, a smile spreading over his face. He unfastened the harness straps and picked Maddie up, brushing his nose against her cheek, which made her laugh. Deacon clenched his jaw as he watched, then turned to put his guitar in the case.

"Thanks for watching her," Rayna said softly, suddenly right next to him. As he straightened up, she put her hand on his arm and rubbed it for a second, smiling at him.

"Anytime, Ray," he said. "You know that." He breathed in. "I guess I'll see you in a couple weeks." She nodded. He turned to go and Teddy stepped back so he could pass.

"Daddy! No!" Maddie yelled then. She reached for him, pulling against Teddy, her face all screwed up.

Deacon smiled at her and took her hand, kissing it gently. "I'll see you soon, sweet girl," he said. "Be good for your mama." Then he lifted his eyes to Teddy's, letting the smile play on his lips for just long enough to make Teddy uncomfortable and look away.

Then he turned and walked down the aisle and off the bus.

 **Rayna**

She had dreamt about Deacon again. She didn't dream about him every night, or even most nights. And there never seemed to be a common thread when she did. It was the week before Christmas and they'd been off the road since just before Halloween, so she only saw him on pick up and drop off days for Maddie. It was Maddie's week at home, but she had the dream anyway, one where Deacon made passionate love to her.

She woke up with a start, her breathing heavy. She looked over her shoulder to Teddy's side of the bed. He was asleep, his breathing shallow and even. She looked back over at the clock by her bed. It was almost five in the morning. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She missed Deacon.

She missed waking up in his arms. It didn't seem to matter how large or small the bed was they slept in. He always slept on his back, one hand behind his head, the other covering her hand on his chest. She slept on her side, facing him, her head resting on his shoulder and her hand on his chest, their legs entangled with each other. When she would wake up, he would too, and he would roll onto his side to face her, letting his hand drift over her cheek. He would smile and then lean in to kiss her, gently at first, but then more insistently. She missed morning sex. With him.

She missed Deacon making her breakfast and fixing her coffee. She liked standing next to him, running her fingers over his skin, making him smile. He would kiss her and then teasingly chastise her for distracting him. She missed how sometimes she would slide her hand down his pants and he would stop what he was doing and push her back against the counter, his hands under her t-shirt. She missed the days when breakfast was ruined and they went out to a diner and shared a plate, laughing together over the reason why.

She missed driving to the cabin, when he would reach for her hand and entwine his fingers with hers. Sometimes they would talk nonstop all the way, but other times they could just be quiet together. The quiet silences between them were never uncomfortable, because they really didn't have to say anything at all. All they had to do was look at each other and they could say everything they needed to with their eyes.

She missed sitting on the steps, leaning back against his legs, as they played music together. She could feel the vibration of the guitar strings and it just reminded her even more how entangled they were, how the music wove them together. She missed how they could just lay in each other's arms, knowing everything was okay.

She had loved him in a way she had never known was possible. From the moment she'd laid eyes on him, heard him play a guitar and sing, she'd known they were meant to be together. He would tell her sometimes he wasn't good enough for someone like her, but she'd never believed that. She still didn't. They had fit each other in a way that was magical, that felt otherworldly somehow. She still felt it. It was something she couldn't deny.

She sighed. But now they weren't together. She was married to someone else and had a family. She had a life away from the music and that felt necessary. Still. Because even with all the passion and the music and the love, what she had needed most of all was peace, and that was what she didn't have with him. So sometimes she missed those years with Deacon, but she knew it was over. She'd moved on and she wanted him to have what she had. A good life, with someone who loved him and gave him peace.

She wondered if he knew how much she missed them.

 _ **A/N: Thanks to everyone who's left a review. I know lots of people read these stories and don't leave reviews, so I'd like to thank you also. Always appreciated.**_


	15. 2002

**Deacon**

Snow was in the forecast, so Deacon made sure Rayna added extra warm clothes to the overnight bag when he picked up Maddie. Rayna had reminded him that forecasts were often wrong, particularly about snow, but he was hopeful he'd get the chance to build a snowman with their daughter.

The snow started to fall early in the morning. He took Maddie outside and they watched the lazy flakes falling from the sky. She reached out, trying to grab snowflakes, disappointed that they melted immediately in her warm hand. It wasn't until after lunch that the snow got heavier. It quickly covered the ground and the streets, turning Nashville into a winter wonderland. When Maddie woke up from her nap, Deacon carried her out to the living room.

"You wanna see the snow, baby girl?" he asked.

Maddie was still rubbing her eyes a little. "Yes," she said. When he walked over to the window, she gasped. "Pretty!" she squealed, then turned to look at him. "Can we go out?"

He smiled and nodded. "Let's get you bundled up and we can," he said. He set her down and then struggled to get her into her winter coat, boots, and gloves since, in her excitement, she couldn't stop jumping around. When he finally got her dressed, he pulled on a jacket and gloves and they walked out on the porch.

She walked to the top step and stood with her arms out to her side. He stepped closer to her and she looked up at him. "I love it!" she said, her voice soft and filled with awe.

He felt tears in his eyes as he looked at the joy on her little face. It reminded him of Rayna's face, when it snowed, that look of wonder and awe and pure happiness. It was moments like these that reminded him how much Maddie was like her mother. She truly was the best of both of them.

He breathed in and then laughed, trying to get rid of the tears. The air was cold and brisk as it traveled down to his lungs, but it also felt clean and refreshing. It was like Rayna always said – _everything looks fresh and brand new when it snows._ And it did. Then he looked down at his daughter. "Wanna build a snowman?" he asked.

"Yes!" she cried and he scooped her up in his arms and headed down the steps for the yard.

 **Rayna**

Rayna sat at her dressing table and brushed out her hair. It was Deacon's week to have Maddie and she felt a little bit at loose ends. They would be back in the studio the next week and she was looking forward to getting back into the regular routine. She was glad to have the downtime, and needed it, but she was starting to miss the creative process. She'd done some writing, both on her own and with co-writers, but she was also still reviewing demos. She looked at herself thoughtfully in the mirror, missing the days when she and Deacon wrote most of her songs.

She frowned then. _It's not fair to Teddy for me to do this. I need to focus on him._ She folded her arms on her dressing table and leaned forward slightly. Teddy had been busy at work and they hadn't had much time to just spend together. She got up and went to get her phone. She scrolled down her contacts and pressed enter.

"Hey there. It's me," she said, with a smile, when Teddy answered.

"Hey," he answered, sounding both surprised and pleased to hear from her.

"So, you're not staying late tonight, are you?"

"Um, I guess I don't have to. Why? You have something in mind?"

She smiled to herself. "Maybe. Why don't you come home early and find out?"

* * *

She had made reservations at Sperry's and they'd had a nice, leisurely dinner, complete with wine and a shared dessert. Teddy talked about what he was working on and she made sure to pay close attention so she could ask questions. She put all the focus on him and was happy to see that he was relaxed. They held hands as they left the restaurant and he pressed her against the car and kissed her passionately before opening the door. She kept her hand on his leg as they drove home, running her fingers up and down his slacks.

When they got in the house, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She returned the kiss, winding her arms around his neck and threading her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. He ran his hands up and down her back and she shivered just a little. She could feel he was aroused and that made her feel aroused as well. She pulled her lips from his and looked into his eyes. "Why don't you take me to bed?" she purred. He smiled, that boyishly handsome smile she loved, and led her to their bedroom.

Teddy's lovemaking was always gentle and almost reverent. She wouldn't have minded them being more adventurous, but he seemed to be satisfied without the overt fireworks, so she had learned to appreciate it as well. Early in their relationship, she had shown him the places she liked to be touched, so that their lovemaking was always mutually satisfying, and she appreciated his attentiveness. His lips brushed against the skin on her neck just under her earlobe and, for a moment, she imagined she was in someone else's arms, but she pulled back, moving herself so that his lips slid away from that place and then refocused on him.

Afterwards, as she lay in his arms, she looked up at him and smiled, lifting her hand to run along his jawline. "I love you, Teddy," she said.

"I love you too, Rayna," he replied.

She bit her lip as she looked at him. "I want you to know that I'm…happy," she said. " _You_ make me happy. I never want you to think you don't."

He looked at her for a moment and she imagined he was rolling that around in his head. They didn't often have arguments about Deacon anymore, but Teddy frequently let her know that Deacon's presence in their lives was unwelcome and challenging. She supposed Deacon would probably say the same in return, but Teddy was her husband and he was the one she needed to support. He finally smiled at her. "You make me happy too, Rayna. You've always made me happy." He paused. "You dazzle me." He kissed her forehead.

It wasn't the first time he'd used the word 'dazzle' or something similar. It made her feel like she wasn't a real flesh-and-blood person sometimes, like she was a statue or an idol of some kind, something to be in awe of, and she didn't really like that. But she also knew that Teddy still sometimes felt like a fish out of water in her world and she didn't want to overthink things. "I could never do what I do without you, babe," she said. "I hope you know that. I'm always glad you're part of my life. And Maddie's. We really both depend on you so much."

"We're a family, Rayna," he said. "We'll always be a family."

She moved her head so that she was resting on his chest. _Family._ Yes, they were a family, but in a very different way than it had been with Deacon. She didn't dwell on that often, but it was a distinction she felt deep in her soul.

* * *

They were at the end of rehearsal when Deacon's phone rang. Rayna heard him say 'Great, thanks', just before he hung up. When his eyes caught hers, she smiled. "Good news?" she asked.

He walked over closer to her, a surprised smile on his face. "Yeah," he said. "That was my publishing agent. My song went number one."

She had to stop and think about that for a minute. It had been so long since she and Deacon had written together that she'd almost forgotten he still wrote songs. She knew he did, though, because she'd see him work in his notebook and she knew he was doing a few co-writing sessions with other writers. "That's fantastic," she said. "What song?"

"The one Trace has out. 'Like New'. I wrote it a couple years ago."

She nodded. She'd heard it. She could hear it in her ear right then. _It'd take about a million midnights / And a good long whiskey rain / It's gonna take a hurricane / The sky so blue / And I'll be just like new._ She had wondered if he'd written it about her and then had tried to dismiss that thought, feeling like it made her seem conceited. She breathed in and then smiled. "That's so great," she said. "Did you write it alone?"

He nodded. He put his hand on the back of his neck and grinned a little sheepishly. "Trace had it on hold forever and I really didn't think he'd cut it. But he did. Second single off his record." He ran his fingers through his hair. "First number one on my own," he said, almost to himself.

She had a little ache, thinking back to the days when they wrote together and all the number ones they had. It was bittersweet, watching him have success on his own, but she was happy for him. She walked up to him and put her hand on his arm. "Congratulations," she said. "You deserve it."

He nodded, then took a deep breath. "Thanks, Ray." Then he smiled. "You know it never gets old."

"I do know," she responded. She patted his arm then. "I'll see you tomorrow." He just nodded and she turned and walked out of the rehearsal hall. When she got to her car, she sat there for a minute, just thinking about how much had changed in the past three years. She and Deacon were still connected, but not in the way she'd always imagined. And now he was starting to go in a different direction, at least musically. It was what she'd said she wanted. She never let herself forget the pain she'd gone through with him. _So why do I still miss all the rest?_

 **Deacon**

Rayna had called him early that morning, clearly frustrated and tired. He could hear Maddie fussing in the background. Both of them were tired and cranky, but Rayna couldn't get Maddie to go back to sleep. So he'd offered to come get her and suggested Rayna put her in a bathing suit. He headed up to Rayna's suite and when he knocked on the door, he decided Rayna had been standing there waiting, as fast as she opened it. She thrust a cranky Maddie at him and then had frowned when Maddie calmed down immediately.

He smiled again, thinking about how often Maddie seemed to settle down with him. Rayna always said it was because they were two peas in a pod, but she didn't always mean that in a complimentary way, he knew. Maddie had played some in the kiddie pool, but then had crawled up into his arms and fallen asleep. He was sitting under an umbrella, just enjoying holding his daughter. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Rayna approaching.

She walked up and sat in the chair next to him. "Thanks," she said, with a smile, as she reached over and patted Maddie gently on the back.

Maddie had been so tired, she was practically dead to the world, but he always loved the feeling of holding her in his arms. "No problem," he said.

Rayna bit her lip. "She probably shouldn't sleep too long or we'll be dealing with this again tomorrow."

He shrugged. "Then I'll do this again tomorrow," he said. "You know I don't mind." She nodded but didn't say anything. He breathed in. "You ever think what it would be like if we were doing this together, raising her up together?" he asked.

A shadow seemed to cross her face and he saw her frown a little. "We _are_ doing this together, Deacon," she said.

He shook his head. "That ain't what I mean and you know it," he said, a little gruffly. "I mean, you ain't never wondered if we coulda done this? Together? Back when you found out? You didn't even think about it?"

"Of course I _thought_ about it. I told you I _thought_ about it." He remembered. She'd told him she had gone to tell him once she'd found out she was pregnant, only to find him drunk at the cabin. After he'd bailed on rehab number four. When the ink was barely dry on their divorce decree. "It was what I wanted, Deacon, what I'd always wanted." She was starting to sound a little emotional. "I cried myself to sleep about that for a year, I wanted it so bad. But I did the best thing I could. I gave her a stable home and I did tell you about her. You've been with her since the day she was born and I'm so grateful for that. For you and for her." She stopped and took a deep breath, looking away. He looked off into the distance, not trusting his own emotions. "We can't have this kind of conversation, Deacon," she said finally, her voice low and shaky. "It serves no purpose. Maddie has parents who love and adore her and, if it's a little unconventional, that's okay. But you and me? I just don't see that happening again. I've learned to trust you with her. But that's really all it can be."

He looked down at the little dark haired girl asleep in his arms, the little girl they'd created together. His heart hurt that he couldn't give her that family he thought he and Rayna would have. He nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice low.

Rayna fidgeted with her fingers. "I don't want things to be weird between us, Deacon," she said. "It's been working pretty well, I think, and, you know, I think we're doing the best we can." Just then, Maddie started to stir and she sat up on his lap. Rayna smiled at her. "Hey, there, baby girl," she said. "How about coming with Mama? We can get you changed." Maddie was quiet, as she usually was after a nap, but she nodded. Rayna stood up and then leaned over to pluck Maddie from his lap. He looked up at her. "Thanks again. I'll see you at sound check?" He nodded and then watched her walk away.

It was the first time in a long time that he'd wanted a drink. Just something to help cover up the pain of the what ifs.

 **Rayna**

She had to walk away quickly, so Deacon wouldn't see her tears. Yes, she thought about it practically every day, and certainly every day they were out on tour together, playing like a family. Having a family, _being_ a family, with Deacon was something she'd wanted for so many years. It was the hardest part of all of this.

She was happy and content in her life with Teddy. She had not truly realized how chaotic and frantic her life had been until she had settled into married life with Teddy. There were certainly times when she second-guessed herself, especially with how well Deacon was finally doing with sobriety, but she knew none of it was a given. She'd even had that conversation with Tandy not so long ago, wondering whether she had given up too quickly.

 _She had dropped Maddie off with Deacon for the weekend, then picked up her phone and called Tandy, feeling at loose ends. She and Tandy sat in her sister's courtyard, sipping on wine, and talking. She turned to Tandy then. "What if I had gone back to Deacon, back at the beginning?" she said. "What if I'd done that and he'd just stopped drinking that very day?"_

 _Tandy shook her head. "I was there. I saw what he was like."_

" _But he did make it work, Tandy. You know, when I went and told him I was pregnant, he really committed to getting better and he's been sober ever since."_

 _Tandy looked at her with compassion. "You wanted to make a better life for Maddie, something stable and normal, and there's still no guarantee he can stay sober. And I know he's stayed sober for now, but how can you ever know what could set it off again?" She reached for Rayna's hand. "And at the time you made your decision, you were sending him to rehab for the_ _fifth_ _time, with no crystal ball to tell you what the future held."_

Rayna sighed then. That was true. There had been no crystal ball. And, truthfully, even now, she found herself wondering what could happen that might send him back into the cycle. It was hard enough to live with that possibility with things as they were; it hadn't been that long ago that she'd woken up each day wondering if that was the day he'd fall off the wagon or if it was the day he might not come home to her. When she let herself drift into daydreaming about what could have been, she reminded herself of the volatile and difficult life she and Deacon had shared. She had loved him, with all her heart, but she hadn't been able to protect him and keep him safe. It was only after she'd cut ties, once and for all, that he'd been able to make it work. For Maddie's sake, she couldn't risk doing something to damage that.

She got onto the elevator and rubbed Maddie's back. "Did you have fun with Daddy?" she asked.

"Yes. We were swimming!" Maddie cried with a smile.

Rayna smiled back at her. She was glad she'd decided to give Deacon the chance to be a father to Maddie. So far, it had worked. It didn't mean it was easy. Teddy still chafed at having to share Maddie and Deacon bristled at the idea that Maddie thought of Teddy as a father too. But, as she often did, she thought it was the best of all worlds. Maddie had three parents who adored her. She and Teddy were able to give Maddie a stable life, without drama and uncertainty. Deacon was able to be a present figure in his daughter's life and he'd seemed to mature and grow stronger from the experience. If there were times when she missed the life she'd had with Deacon, missed the love and connectedness, she reminded herself she had a good life with Teddy and that she still had the music with Deacon. It was the best of all worlds for her too.

As she reminded herself yet again.

 **Deacon**

He was sitting in the nosebleed section of the arena in Houston. He put his feet up on the seat in front of him and looked down at the stage. Rayna was headlining in arenas the size of the ones they'd first played in as openers and he felt proud of her. She had worked hard for this and she deserved every positive review, every award she received, and every gold and platinum album. He heard the sound of boots on cement and then saw her as she rounded the entrance. He smiled as she headed up the steps and he put his feet down.

She walked down the row and took the seat next to him. She smiled. "Hey," she said.

"Hey. Where's Maddie?"

"I left her with Lynn. She was actually busy" – she made air quotes with her fingers when she said 'busy' – "with her little kitchen set." She tapped him on the arm. "The one Daddy gave her, she made sure to remind me."

He smirked. He'd given her a little kitchen set for her third birthday, complete with plastic pots and pans and plates and cups along with an assortment of rubber foods. It had been a hit with Maddie, although Rayna had questioned whether he was suggesting their daughter should be a housewife when she grew up.

" _She's only three, Ray," he said. "It ain't like she knows what she wants to be when she grows up. Plus she likes it."_

" _Well, you're right about that. But she wants to take it on the bus and it's going to take up space." She had made a face at him. "How is it that you always know just the thing to give her that she's going to be obsessed with?"_

 _He grinned. "I'm just a really good daddy, I guess."_

He looked at her. "You ready for tonight?"

She nodded. She rested her elbows on the arms of the seat and steepled her fingers under her chin. "I am. Everything has come together so well." She looked back at him. "Thanks to you, of course. Do I thank you enough for what a great job you do getting everyone ready to play and making my songs sound so good?" She looked back out over the arena.

He shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly. "More'n enough, Ray." He breathed in. He'd hesitated about bringing it up, but it was the first time they'd actually had a concert on this date, since he'd been back in her band. "You know what today is?" he asked.

She sighed, then nodded. "Yeah." She turned and looked at him. "I do."

He looked back at the stage. "Thirteen years."

She seemed to fidget a little then, moving her hands to her lap. "It was a happy day," she said. "You know, I think about it every year. You might be surprised to know that."

He looked at her. She was looking down at her hands in her lap. He noticed she'd put her right hand over her left, hiding the wedding band and engagement ring Teddy had given her. "It was the happiest day of my life," he said quietly. "Still is." She was quiet. "I'm sorry, Ray…."

She looked back at him. "It's okay. I mean, we should be able to talk about it, right? It's not like it didn't happen." She paused and sighed. "We had some good years, Deacon. Some really _good_ years. And I loved you very much. I'm not gonna pretend like that didn't happen."

"It was supposed to be forever," he said quietly. He hadn't really meant to say that, but it slipped out.

She moved her hands so that she was sitting on them. "I know. It _was_ supposed to be forever. For always." She bit down on her lip. "I tried."

He looked back out at the stage and worked his lip. "It ain't your fault, Ray," he said. "I know that."

"I still love you, Deacon," she said, her voice small. He turned and looked at her, raising his eyebrows. "It's different though, now." His heart dropped. "You know me better than anyone. You're Maddie's father. You're family." She turned to look at him then and he could see the glisten of tears in her eyes. "You'll always be family." She took a deep breath and then let it out. "That was such a magical day," she said then, with a tiny smile. "I remember thinking we'd always be connected and how much you grounded me. You still do."

He breathed in. "You always made me wanna be better," he said. "I sure didn't always succeed, but I always wanted you to be proud of me. I always wanted to make you happy."

"You _did_ make me happy, Deacon. We had a lot of happy times. And you make me happy now. The way you've been such a great father to Maddie. And a friend to me. You still are right there, supporting me." She reached a hand over then and rubbed his arm. "There would be no Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne. That's still true."

He leaned towards her then and brushed his lips against her forehead. "I still love you too, Rayna."

She smiled shyly and he could have sworn she blushed a little. Then she put her hands on the chair arms and pushed up. "I need to go check on Maddie," she said. "So I'll see you in a bit." She turned to go, then turned back. "It's a day I remember with a lot of love. I hope you know that." And then she turned and walked away.

He sat there for a few minutes, then rubbed his eyes, swallowing hard over the lump in his throat. "Happy anniversary, Ray," he whispered to himself.

 **Rayna**

She was leaning against the railing at the rooftop pool, looking over the Chicago skyline. She heard footsteps behind her and she knew it was Deacon. She recognized his gait and the sound of his boots against the cement. He leaned against the railing next to her and followed her gaze. She smiled. "Nice view, isn't it?" she said. She turned to look at him and felt her breath catch in her throat. He'd worn a white collared shirt with a vest that night, a look she'd always loved on him.

He nodded, not looking at her. "Yeah."

"Do you remember the first time we did a show in Chicago? Vince Gill's tour, I think."

He turned to look at her. "Yeah, I think you're right." He smiled. "And now _you're_ the headliner. And the Queen of Country Music."

She smiled. "I remember when they said I wasn't country enough. Do you remember that?"

He laughed. "You were always country enough, Ray. Just took 'em a while to figure out how great you were."

She breathed in. "You know, I was really afraid I'd take a hit when I took time off when Maddie was born. But I think it helped that I had a strong album."

He shook his head. "People wait for you, Ray. They look forward to what you got next. You kill it every night on stage and give your audience the best show for their money."

"Well, a lot of that is thanks to you," she said. She breathed out. They stood together in comfortable silence. She appreciated the fact that they could still do that. She'd been rolling something around in her head over the last several days and decided to dive in. "I've been wondering lately, now that Maddie's getting older, what do we tell her?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What do you want to tell her?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, she has two fathers." She could sense Deacon's tension when she said that. "It's true, Deacon. Teddy's a father to her too."

She saw him clench his jaw. "So how you gonna explain that?" he asked. She thought he sounded angry and she kind of understood.

"I guess, when she's old enough, she needs to know you and I are her birth parents. That Teddy's her stepfather…."

"That's not what I mean, Rayna," he interrupted. His voice sounded both angry and hurt and she suddenly knew what he was asking.

She took a deep breath. "I would tell her, _we_ would tell her, that she came from love." She looked at him and saw sadness in his eyes. "She did, Deacon," she said softly. "No matter what happened afterwards, that night was filled with love." She put her hand over his. "I never regretted she was yours. I never wished that wasn't true." She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his arm. "You've been a really good father, Deacon. I hope you know that."

"I try," he said. "She's the best part of my life." He turned towards her and she stepped into his embrace, holding him close. It went on a little longer than it should have and, before he let her go, he kissed her forehead. Her heart was beating hard and she felt breathless as she looked up into his eyes. She could see how much he still loved her and so she averted her eyes, not wanting him to see her own feelings.

She took a step back. "I need to get to my room and check on her. Let Lynn go," she said, her voice sounding small and breathy to her.

He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said, and she turned and walked away.

As she headed for the elevator, she felt an ache deep down inside. She tried not to live with regrets, but seeing how well he was doing now made that difficult.

 **Deacon**

Watty stood up when Deacon walked into the studio. "Deacon, great to see you," Watty said, his hand out and a smile on his face.

Deacon shook his hand. "You too, Watty," he said.

Watty gestured towards one of the chairs across next to the soundboard. "Have a seat," he said, sitting back down himself. Deacon sat, leaning back in the chair. "So I guess the tour's over." Deacon nodded. "She sounds better every year."

Deacon smiled. "That is true. And I know she always enjoys having you come out."

"So, you up for some session work? How long do you have?"

Deacon nodded. "Yeah, I am. Rayna's got some studio dates to work on the next album starting in December. Tour won't start back up until April, May timeframe. So I got time. 'Cept when I got Maddie."

"You still have her every other week?"

"I do. I don't have a problem writing when I got her, but it's hard to take time from her to go into the studio when I only got her part-time."

Watty looked at him thoughtfully. "How's that going? The shared parenting thing?"

Deacon shrugged. "Okay. I mean, I guess it's never enough time with her. I'm sure Rayna feels the same. At least when we're on the road I can see her every day."

"And what about working with Rayna again?"

Deacon looked away and then back. "Okay. Different."

Watty was silent for a moment. "You thought about moving on from that?"

Deacon hadn't expected that and raised his eyebrows. "No," he said. "You saying I should?"

Watty shrugged. "I would think about it if I were you, Deacon. I know you say you're doing it to spend time with your daughter, but think about how it impacts your ability to move on from Rayna."

Deacon frowned. "It's a steady job, Watty. And a good one. Are you saying I should hook up with another tour?"

Watty shook his head. "Not unless you wanted to. You have tons of credibility in this town, Deacon, with respect to your guitar skill. You could make a mighty good living doing session work, ending up on most everyone's records in town, if you wanted. And you'd have plenty of time with your little girl."

"'Cept when she's out on tour with Rayna," he said.

"That won't last forever. What happens when she starts school? She'll be here in Nashville and then you'll be sparring with Rayna over time with her when you're on tour breaks."

Deacon hadn't considered that, hadn't really thought that far ahead. "I don't know," he said.

Watty stood up. "Just think about it." He looked at Deacon. "I know working for Rayna is familiar, but it can also play havoc with your life. I've known you two from the beginning and I know what a fiery relationship the two of you have. You're not married anymore, but you have a child together. It's like gasoline and matches, Deacon. One or both of you could get burned in all this. Go down some path you don't intend. And then your girl could be collateral damage. Just think about it." Deacon stood up then. Watty held his hand out and Deacon hesitated just a second before taking it. "At least be aware."

Watty had been a mentor to both him and Rayna and he respected the older man's guidance. But he had a hard time thinking about changing direction. There was Maddie to consider, of course, but there was also a familiarity to being in Rayna's band that he appreciated. He was a creature of habit. He didn't like change. But it did cause him to wonder. It was something Cole had warned him about multiple times, the danger of getting too close to Rayna and losing control. "I'll think about it, Watty," he said. "Any session work, let me know."

Watty smiled. "Oh, don't worry. I'll keep you as busy as you want to be." He turned back to the soundboard and Deacon took it as his cue to leave. He walked out of the studio, his head spinning. He'd never really considered not being in Rayna's band, once she'd asked him back. But he knew that the reality of it was that he wasn't doing it just for Maddie, and that both Cole and Watty could be right. He definitely could be walking a tightrope.

* * *

It was two weeks before Christmas and Deacon was driving back to his house with Maddie. She was strapped into her booster seat in the back. She had a Barbie and a Ken doll with her and she was chattering almost continuously, mostly talking to her dolls, but occasionally talking to him. He glanced at her in the rearview mirror and smiled to himself. As she got older, her personality was developing. She liked to talk, but she also had a quiet, introspective side to her. And a fiery temper. Rayna told him that was what their daughter had gotten from him and he'd always roll his eyes when she said that. But he had noticed, as she got older, how much she took after him. Even though she spent half her time with Rayna and Teddy, she didn't look or act much like Rayna.

"Daddy!" Maddie called out.

He looked at her in the mirror. "What, baby?" he responded.

"Take me to see Santa," she said.

He frowned. "Didn't your mama take you?" he asked. He knew Rayna had told him she'd gotten pictures and would give him one.

"I wanna go again!" Maddie shouted, frowning.

He smirked. She was definitely demanding. And _that_ she got from her mother, not from him. "Okay, we'll go again," he said. "How about tomorrow?"

"Yes!" she cried and then she went back to focusing on her dolls.

* * *

As promised, he took her to the mall the next day and they stood in a long line, waiting to see Santa. He was surprised that Maddie was reasonably well-behaved, especially since she normally was not very patient. He was a little startled though, when she hopped up on Santa's lap, and told him she just had one addition to the list she'd given to him the first time.

"Just one thing, little lady?" Santa asked, good-naturedly.

Maddie nodded solemnly. "Yes," she said. "I forgot to tell you that I want a baby sister."

Santa looked at Deacon and he raised his eyebrows. Santa refocused his attention on Maddie then. "Anything else you'd like to add?" he asked her.

Maddie shook her head. "Nope. That's it!" Then she hopped down and ran to Deacon, grabbing his hand.

* * *

Maddie didn't say anything else about a baby sister until Deacon was putting her to bed. She'd had her bath and put on a little candy cane patterned nightgown he'd bought for her as kind of an early Christmas gift. She hugged his neck. "I love my nightgown, Daddy," she said, and then kissed him on the cheek.

He smiled at her. "I'm glad you do," he said. He held her close, loving her just bathed smell.

"Can I take it home with me?"

He frowned a little, picking her up to carry her to her room. "Don't you want to leave it here?" he asked. "So you can wear it here?"

She seemed to consider that. "I'll bring it back," she said. Then she leaned into him, pressing her face against his. "I just love it so much." He kissed her cheek and smiled. He was so grateful to have these times with her.

After he put her in bed and tucked her in, he sat next to her in the rocking chair. "You wanna read something?" he asked.

She thought about it and then shook her head. "I'm tired tonight, Daddy," she said, with an exaggerated yawn. "I think I'll just sleep."

He grinned. "Sounds like a good idea." He got up and kissed her good night, then walked over and stood at the door with his fingers on the light switch. "Sweet dreams, baby girl," he said.

She sat up then. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I really do want you and Mama to give me a baby sister."

He swallowed hard, feeling his chest tighten. He knew she was too young to understand the complicated situation she had been born into. He couldn't tell her that, even though he loved her mother with all his heart, they couldn't give her the baby sister she wanted. Even as much as he wished they could, the door had been closed on that dream. But since he couldn't tell her all that, he just smiled sadly and said, "I'll let her know that's what you want, okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "Okay." Then she fell back onto her pillow. "Night night, Daddy," she said.

He turned out the light and gently closed the door. Then he stood in the hallway with his eyes closed, his heart breaking. _I wish I could give you that, baby girl. I really do._

 **Rayna**

When she opened the kitchen door, Maddie flew into her arms for a hug. "Hey, baby," she said, with a smile. She looked up to see Deacon standing out on the walkway. "Come on in," she said to him. Maddie wriggled out of her arms and ran off and she stood up straight.

She thought he looked a little uncomfortable as he shook his head. "Nah, I should go," he said.

She walked to the open door and shrugged a little. "Come on. I know Maddie would love for you to see the Christmas decorations. She talked about that pretty much non-stop last week. And you were in such a hurry when you picked her up." She clasped her hands in front of her and smiled. "We can have some hot chocolate," she said.

* * *

When she thought about it later, it occurred to her that she had never wondered what he did on Christmas. She and Teddy always had Maddie that day. She realized that would need to change, now that Maddie wasn't a baby anymore, that it would be nice for him to have her on Christmas and see her excitement on Christmas morning. She had watched as Maddie excitedly showed him their tree and pointed at presents she knew were hers. She had watched as he fingered the stocking with Maddie's name on it and she had seen the sadness in his eyes when he'd turned around and caught her watching him.

He hadn't stayed for hot chocolate, which hadn't surprised her. She had walked him to the door and then watched as he walked out to his truck. She closed the kitchen door, but stood there, staring out the window as he drove away. She felt a lump in her throat and an ache in her heart. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday and he had always, even in the worst of times, done something to make it special for her.

She reached up and touched her finger to the blue stone on the necklace she wore everywhere except on stage. The gift he'd given her that very first Christmas, when they weren't supposed to give each other gifts at all. It had been the most precious thing he'd ever given her, other than Maddie.

Maddie called for her then and she walked away from the door, but the ache didn't leave her until much later in the day.

 **Deacon**

When he woke up that morning, he didn't get right out of bed. He laid there, thinking about the fact that it was Christmas Day. He would call Maddie later in the morning, or she might call him first, and then he would pick her up the next day, but he couldn't help but feel lonely that morning. It was almost like a weight on his chest. When he'd been at Rayna's house and seen it all decorated for the holidays, it had stung.

He finally got up and headed for the kitchen, putting the coffee on to make. While he waited, he leaned against the counter and flipped through a _Guitar World_ magazine, absentmindedly. When the coffee maker beeped, he turned around and poured a mug, then walked into the living room. As he sat on the couch, he contemplated the fact that there was nothing in his house that would have indicated it was Christmas. No tree, no decorations. His gifts for Maddie were in his closet. He picked up a picture of Maddie that was on the side table and breathed in, feeling the weight on his chest lift. He smiled to himself, thinking that she was probably up already, squealing with excitement over all her presents. He knew she'd bring some of them with her the next day and she would tell him all about what she'd gotten that she'd had to leave behind.

Suddenly he felt pressure behind his eyes and he could feel tears. He breathed in sharply, pushing back the ache and the sadness, pinching his nose to keep the tears at bay. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. In his mind he could see the little Christmas tree he and Rayna would buy each year, decorated with mismatched lights and ornaments they'd picked up at a flea market and tossed with tinsel. In the beginning they couldn't get each other much, but as she started gaining traction there was more money to spend on gifts. It was never about presents for them though. It was just being together, singing together, maybe writing something. They would curl up on the couch, under a blanket, and watch Christmas movies on TV, and then fall asleep in each other's arms.

He looked up and around the room. He breathed in, feeling like there was a hole in his heart. She hadn't lived in this house in four years. She had taken everything that belonged to her, when she'd left. Except for a bottle of her favorite perfume, which he'd found way in the back of the linen closet one day when he'd been looking for any whiskey that might still be stashed away. He'd put it in the medicine cabinet, pulling it out occasionally and breathing it in. It was what she smelled like, like sunshine and clean air.

He sat back against the back of the couch, slouching, one foot resting on the coffee table. He could still feel her here, even as long as she'd been gone. She'd made this house a home. He'd wondered from time to time why he'd never moved away, but he knew it was because somewhere, deep inside, he held out hope she'd come back one day. That she'd come home. That they could curl up together in this place, with Maddie, finally being the family they'd always talked about being.

Cole would tell him he was a fool to wait, that it would never happen, but he just couldn't quite make himself believe it. He thought if he ever stopped waiting, that it would be like he'd given up. This had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. Most days, it took everything he had to stay the course, to fight the fight. He supposed it might be like waiting for rain after a long dry spell. Even when you had a run of bad luck, you had to keep trying. Like waiting for prayers to be answered. He felt like he was waiting for something to shift, something to change.

He got up and walked into the kitchen, where he'd left his messenger bag. He opened it and pulled out his notebook and a pencil. He refilled his coffee mug and then sat down at the kitchen table and started scratching out lyrics. He wrote and wrote, crossing things out, rewording them, playing around with phrasing, until he was satisfied with it. Then he took the notebook and settled into the couch in the living room, with his guitar, and picked out the melody. When he finally finished, he looked up at the clock and saw that it was almost three in the afternoon. The sky was darkening outside as clouds covered the cold sunlight. He hadn't eaten all day and suddenly he was starving.

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and breathed in. He felt lighter somehow. Like he'd put it all out there in the words on the page and the notes of the guitar. It might be hard and sometimes it would feel impossible, but he would always love her, and he would still wait.

He picked up his notebook one last time, reading over the song he'd just written. He made one change and then he wrote the name of the song at the top. _Good Rain or Jesus._ For Rayna.

 _ **As always, I greatly appreciate all the reviews. I love hearing what you're thinking!**_


	16. 2003

**Rayna**

Rayna and Teddy had decided to spend New Year's Eve at home with Maddie. She'd long been in bed, but they stayed up to toast the new year. Then Teddy looked at Rayna. "I want us to have a baby, Rayna," he said.

She breathed in. She knew this was coming. He'd asked about it before and she had always had some reason it wasn't a good time. A big tour, a double platinum record, not wanting to slow down her career. But she had to admit she wanted a brother or sister for Maddie. And Teddy had supported her through everything and she felt like it was the right time now. So she looked at him and smiled. "I do too," she said.

She had gotten pregnant almost as soon as they started trying. Her only regret about that was that it hadn't really given her enough time to think about how to tell Deacon.

* * *

Being pregnant would impact most everyone around her. Bucky would need to work things out to shorten her tour. Her band would be impacted based on how long she was out of commission. All of her other support people would be impacted to some degree or another. It was certainly more complicated now than it was even four years earlier when she was pregnant with Maddie. Telling Deacon, though, gave her pause. It impacted him professionally, of course, but it was also personal for the two of them.

She wasn't stupid. She knew his feelings for her hadn't changed. Even though he often went off with a woman, in whatever town they were in, she knew it didn't mean anything to him. They never talked about his personal life, at least where women were concerned, but she was sure he had no regular girlfriend. In a way she could only describe as intuition, borne of the deep connection the two of them had, she knew he was waiting. Waiting for her, waiting for something to change. She didn't think he'd make the first move, so he was waiting for _her_. And this, a baby with Teddy, would speak volumes about the possibility of that.

Not that she'd truly considered it. During the time she'd been married to Teddy, she had thought often about the consequences of her decision to move forward with Teddy and not Deacon, when she'd found out she was pregnant. She had still loved Deacon then – still did now, honestly, something that probably would never change – but the realities of living with an alcoholic, and one with the demons Deacon had, had not seemed to be the wise choice. The reality of his having been able to maintain his sobriety this time hadn't been lost on her. She was grateful for it, for Maddie's sake, and there were still times when the pull was strong and the regret was particularly bittersweet. But she had made a choice and she still thought it was the right one, for Maddie, but most of all, for _her_.

She was nervous about telling Deacon. She wanted, and needed, for him to be supportive, but she knew it would be a test for them. They had built a friendship, over the past few years since he'd been back, but it was a friendship that was so much more complex than most. She had described it recently to Tandy as entangled. She and Deacon were _entangled_. Probably would be for the rest of their lives.

She paced the rehearsal space as she waited for him. She had butterflies in her stomach, her nerve endings were tingling. When he walked in the door, the first thing she felt was surprising – a deep, soul-crushing sadness. Even more than it had when she'd divorced him, it felt like it could be the end of them.

 **Deacon**

Deacon drove over to Sound Check. Rayna had called and asked him to come a half hour early. He wondered what it was about. The tour was going well and her album, _Platinum Sea_ , was probably her best yet. They were in Nashville for the week on a break. She had seemed more withdrawn the past few weeks, quiet and introspective, which wasn't like her. He wondered if that had something to do with why she wanted to see him.

She was pacing the room when he got there. "Hey, Ray," he said.

She stopped pacing and twisted her hands together. She looked worried and that worried him. "Hey," she said, with a small smile. "Thanks for coming."

"What's up?" He frowned. "Something with Maddie?"

She shook her head. "No, no. It's about, well, me." She gestured to the table. "Sit?" He nodded and they sat across from each other. She stretched her arms out on the table, but looked down, running her tongue over her lips.

He was officially worried now. She could hardly look at him and that wasn't normal anymore. "What's up, Rayna?"

She looked at him and sighed. "I'm just gonna say it. I'm having a baby." He sat back in his chair then, a little stunned. "Ten weeks. I saw the doctor this morning and she said I can finish the tour." They were scheduled to wrap up just before Labor Day. "I'd like to move some dates though. I'll ask Bucky to see what he can do with the August dates. Just because I _can_ keep touring doesn't mean I necessarily want to. I mean, I'd be about seven months or so then, so…." She trailed off.

He swallowed. "Congratulations?" he said. Not that she owed him any explanations or discussions of her plans, but he hadn't known she and Teddy were even trying.

She frowned then. "This was planned, Deacon. Not an accident." She raised an eyebrow. "Teddy and I want this baby."

He thought that was a bit of a jab at the fact that Maddie had not been planned. He frowned. "What about Maddie? You told her?"

She shook her head. "I wanted you to know first. So you'd be prepared. We'll tell her tonight. I think she'll be excited. She's been asking for a sister."

He knew that. He'd never told Rayna about Maddie's visit to Santa and asking for a sister. "So it's a girl?"

"We don't know yet. Won't for a little while." She sighed. "I wanted to tell you first because, well, you're my best friend, Deacon. My family. And it impacts you, personally and professionally."

It hurt, still, for her to refer to him as a friend. It hurt, more than he would have expected, to find out she was pregnant. It meant she was really committed to Teddy and to this family she'd created. It occurred to him that he'd been fooling himself into thinking that, by riding on her bus, _they_ were creating a family. He forced a smile on his face. "I'm happy for you, Ray," he said.

She smiled then, looking relieved. "Like I said, we're telling Maddie tonight, so I'm sure, when you get her tomorrow, she'll be full of that."

He nodded. "No doubt." He breathed in. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am." She leaned forward a little, a serious look on her face. "I'm happy, Deacon. And I want you to be happy too." She bit her lip. "This isn't going to make things awkward for us, is it?"

He knew she meant on the bus, and as Maddie's parents. He shook his head. "Nah, 'course not." He wasn't so sure that was the truth. He also knew it surely poked a giant hole into any hopes he'd had for the future. But he would support her, like always, and be glad for the time he had with Maddie and with her.

* * *

He felt distracted during rehearsal. He tried not to let it show, but, based on the occasional concerned looks Rayna gave him, he knew she'd noticed when he was a beat off or didn't hit a riff quite the same way. He just needed some time, to roll it over in his head, to get used to the idea. He told the rest of the band after rehearsal, just so they'd know what the upcoming situation was, and he was surprised at how calmly he was able to do that.

* * *

He laid on his bed that night and played out the conversation with Rayna again in his head. _I'm just gonna say it. I'm having a baby._ She was having Teddy's kid. It felt like such a kick in the stomach, even though he knew he had no real right to feel that way. And they were happy about it. It made him think back to when she'd told him she was pregnant with Maddie. It was so matter-of-fact, clinical almost. She'd told him and then she'd told him what their 'deal' would be, how he'd be able to be a father to his own child, if that was what he wanted. He scowled.

Being Maddie's father had been the best thing he had going on in his life right then. He got up every day wanting to be strong for her. It made him wonder sometimes why it was different with Maddie, why he couldn't have done the same thing for Rayna. He felt tears in his eyes as he thought about how many times he'd disappointed Rayna.

He'd been surprised she'd married Teddy. It wasn't like she needed to do that. She'd been honest, when asked, about Maddie being his daughter. He really thought she married Teddy for herself, to give herself the calm, normal life she surely hadn't had with him. It killed him to hear Maddie refer to Teddy as 'Dad', killed him to think about Rayna making a life with Teddy, the life _they'd_ had, before he'd blown it all to hell. And now she truly was building that family she wanted, with Teddy instead of him, and that tore his heart in two.

He had to get past it though. He needed to be there for Maddie, he needed to be there for Rayna, if only as her bandleader. This was his life, but he only had himself to blame. He breathed in deeply and rolled onto his side.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was standing in Maddie's room, her little overnight case on the bed. "Maddie, sweetie, do you have everything you want to take?" Deacon had clothes and toys at his house for their daughter, but there always seemed to be something Maddie wanted to take with her that was at their house.

Maddie was prancing around the room, still on a high from the baby news apparently. She looked at her mother with a big smile on her face. "I wanna take my baby!" she cried. Rayna and Teddy had given her a baby doll to celebrate the news of the upcoming baby. It was one of those plush newborn dolls that was a real life representation of an infant. Maddie had been delighted and had not put the doll down. In fact, she was carrying it now.

Rayna smiled. "You can do that. Just don't leave it at Daddy's house."

Maddie shook her head. "I won't." Rayna rolled her eyes. Maddie had left lots of things at Deacon's and there had been urgent return trips multiple times to get something Maddie claimed she couldn't live without. She'd have to remind Deacon to make sure Maddie returned with it.

Rayna put her hand out. "Can I put it in the suitcase for you?" she asked.

"No!" Maddie cried, a frown on her face. Rayna caught her breath. Just at that moment, Maddie looked so much like Deacon, it was uncanny. While she was glad Deacon had been able to have this relationship with their daughter, it had tugged at her heart so many times. She was really hoping this new baby shifted that equilibrium for her.

Rayna closed up the suitcase. "Okay then, you can carry it." She picked up the suitcase and then walked around the bed, holding her hand out for Maddie's. "Come on. Daddy will be here any minute."

Maddie swatted at her hand. "No! I'm gonna beat you!" she cried and raced out of her room and down the hall.

* * *

When the knock came on the door, Rayna went to answer it. Deacon stood there and she smiled. "Hey. She's ready." She stepped back. "Come on in." She noticed that he almost imperceptibly glanced at her abdomen. Most people wouldn't have noticed, but she noticed everything he did, the way she thought he probably noticed everything she did. She wasn't quite showing yet, but she was sure he'd notice when she did.

She found herself feeling protective of this new life inside her, the one she and Teddy had created. It was good that she was doing this with him, that they would have their own baby, even though Teddy loved Maddie as much as if she was his. But it was good to have something she didn't share with Deacon. It was good for Deacon too.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Maddie cried as she ran into the kitchen. Deacon focused on her and knelt down, a huge smile on his face, to grab her as she ran into his arms.

He hugged her tightly. "Hey there, sweet girl," he said.

Maddie held up the baby doll. "This is my baby, Daddy," she said. She scrunched her shoulders and made a little face. "I'm getting a real baby sister too," she told him. He looked up at Rayna, raising an eyebrow.

Rayna leaned over. "Maddie, honey, remember we told you it could be a brother," she said.

Maddie frowned. "No. It's a sister."

Deacon stood up, with Maddie, and her doll, in his arms, and smiled at Rayna. "I guess you better hope it's a sister," he said.

Rayna shrugged a little. "I guess." Then she leaned in and kissed Maddie on the cheek. "Have a good time, baby," she said. "I love you. Be good for Daddy." She walked them to the door and picked up the suitcase, handing it to Deacon. She looked at him. "Just be sure she brings the baby doll back."

He smiled. "Will do."

 **Deacon**

It happened so fast. They were both right there, watching her, and it still happened. And now they were sitting in a hospital emergency room in a city far from home, his arm around her shoulders as she still blamed herself. His heart was still pounding, although it was as much because of what happened to Maddie as it was the fact that Rayna was tucked into his side, her hand in a fist on his thigh.

 _Maddie was filled with energy when they arrived at the hotel in Kansas City. "She's bouncing off walls, Deacon," Rayna had told him over the phone. "There's a park near here, so I'm going to take her over there and let her run off some of this energy."_

" _How 'bout I come with y'all?" he asked. He didn't really want to just sit in the hotel, looking at the four walls in his room._

" _I think she'd love that."_

 _And that was how they'd ended up at the park, a short walk from the hotel, sitting on a bench watching Maddie run from one piece of equipment to the next. She was a headstrong little girl already and she chafed angrily at being hovered over, so they'd both learned to stay close by and let her play. She had pushed herself on the swings, gone up and down the slide what seemed like a hundred times, and then she went over to a climbing dome._

 _Rayna started to rise up from the bench as Maddie began to climb. "Maddie, sweetie, I don't think you should do that," she called out._

 _Maddie looked over, with a scowl on her face, and then it happened. He could see she wasn't paying attention and was going to miss the grab bar above her. He jumped up, calling out her name sharply, and then could only watch as she fell off backwards, seemingly in slow motion. She made a sharp cry as she realized she was falling. Then he saw her try to brace her fall with her hand. And then she landed on her back and she was still._

 _He was there in just two seconds. Rayna was right behind him, screaming out Maddie's name. He knelt down next to her, his heart racing. Her eyes were closed. He couldn't breathe and his chest felt like a vise had wrapped around it. But he slid his arms underneath his daughter and lifted her up, cradling her close. He could hear Rayna crying out Maddie's name and when he looked at her, he was sure he saw his own fear mirrored in her face. They hurried to the park entrance and were quickly on their way to the closest hospital by cab._

Rayna was shaking and he tightened his arm around her shoulders. She reached for his other hand and then looked up at him. "I can't believe how fast it happened," she said, her voice shaking. "We shouldn't have let her get on that." Maddie had come to before they'd gotten in the cab, but they were both still worried, as they waited for her to come back from the CT scan.

He breathed in deeply. "She was so fast," he said, swallowing over a lump in his throat. He tightened his grip on her hand and then leaned down and brushed his lips over her forehead. "She's tough though. She'll be okay."

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "She looked so tiny, Deacon," she whispered. "I'm just so scared." She gave him a tiny smile. "I'm glad you were there with us. I don't know what I would have done if I'd been there by myself." She threaded her fingers with his and leaned her head on his shoulder.

He looked up at the ceiling, his chest feeling tight. He was worried about Maddie, but he couldn't help but think about the fact that he and Rayna were sitting there together. That he had his arm around her and was holding her hand and she was leaning on him. He felt a lump in his throat. Suddenly, though, Rayna released his hand and pushed up, her palm on his thigh, sliding out of his embrace. He looked down and saw the doctor approaching and got up as well. They hurried over to the doctor.

"She's fine," the doctor told them. Deacon breathed in, then out, and put his hands on his hips, feeling relief course through him. He saw Rayna put her hand to her mouth as she gasped. The doctor looked back and forth between them. "A bump on the back of her head, which will be tender for a few days. But when she reached out to brace her fall, that kept her from hitting her head harder and maybe having a concussion. Her wrist is slightly sprained, so she may complain about that, but she's going to be fine."

"Can we take her home?" Rayna asked.

The doctor nodded. "Absolutely. Just keep an eye on her for the next twenty-four hours or so." He scribbled something on a sheet of paper, which he handed to Rayna. "She'll be out in just a few minutes." Then he walked off.

Rayna turned and buried her face in his chest, crying quietly. He hesitated a second, then slid his arms around her, holding her close.

 **Rayna**

She was lying in bed, unable to sleep. The lights outside the window made it more gray than dark in the room. She thought about how she missed home when she was on the road and how dark it was in her own bedroom. Maddie was next to her, had begged to sleep with her when they got back from the hospital. But Maddie was a fidgety sleeper. Rayna had no idea where that came from, because Deacon was not a fidgety sleeper. He rarely moved.

 _Deacon._ He was asleep on the other side of the door, laying on the couch. That was the other reason she couldn't sleep. She had invited him to stay in the room, just in case, but his nearness made it hard to breathe.

It was good that this had been a travel day, although they probably wouldn't have gone to the park had there been a show that night. She sighed and rolled onto her side, thinking back through all the events of the day. She had been so scared when she saw Maddie laying there on the asphalt. Maddie had cried the whole way to the hospital, curled up in Rayna's arms. But she was okay. That was all that mattered.

She finally got out of bed and felt around for her robe. She knew the t-shirt and shorts she wore clung to her rounded belly and fuller breasts and that made her self-conscious. She slid the robe on and padded over to the door. She opened it slowly, then walked out, closing it behind her.

"She okay?" Deacon's sleepy voice startled her for a second.

She walked over and sat on the couch by his feet. "Yeah. She's just terrible to sleep with."

She heard his soft chuckle in the dark. "Yeah, she is."

"I'm so glad you were there today," she said softly.

He sat up then, moving to sit next to her on the couch. "Me too."

She felt teary, all of a sudden, and leaned forward, putting her face in her hands. He put his hand on her back, soothing her. The air in the room suddenly felt heavy. She sat up and turned towards him, her eyes darting over his face in the dim light. She was somewhat aware of the fact that his hand still rested on the small of her back. She felt a tiny flicker of need deep inside and she breathed in sharply. He ran his tongue over his lower lip and she heard herself make a little noise, almost like a moan.

 **Deacon**

He wasn't exactly sure how it happened. Or exactly why, except for the fact that it had been an emotional day and it was the middle of the night and they were both tired and their defenses were down. But his lips were on hers and his hands were cupping her face and hers were gripping his arms. She tugged on his lower lip and he opened his mouth to hers and he was lost in her. He slid his hands from her face, down her arms, and then pulled her over so she was straddling his lap. Her hands slid up and around his neck and he heard her little moans in the back of her throat and he slid his hands down to the small of her back as he drank her in.

He pulled her closer and then he stopped. Actually, they both stopped, tearing their lips away from each other, breathing hard. When he felt her pregnant belly press against his abdomen he remembered she belonged to someone else. She wasn't his anymore, hadn't been for years now. He heard her soft gasp and felt her move away from him, sitting so her back was to him, leaning over with her arms wrapped around her waist.

He breathed in deeply, his heart racing. It had felt so good, having her in his arms, feeling her lips on his, battling her tongue with his own. He leaned forward then, rubbing his face with his hands. He looked back over at her, still sitting there with her back to him. "I'm sorry, Ray," he said softly.

She nodded. "I know. Me too." Her voice was low and he could hear the tears in it. She got up then and, without another word or a look back, she walked back to the bedroom and shut the door behind her.

 **Rayna**

She was surprised she actually got any sleep at all, but the sun was just barely peeking through the drapes when she opened her eyes. She laid there for a moment, just thinking about the night before. She reached up and touched her lips, remembering how his had felt. She closed her eyes, feeling sad inside. She couldn't even remember how it started, but when she had pressed herself closer to him, she had known immediately that it had to stop.

She slid her hand down and rested it on her stomach. She felt a little sick inside, knowing she'd betrayed Teddy that way. A sob bubbled up from deep inside her and then she breathed in deeply, trying to tamp down her emotions. She moved to a sitting position on the edge of the bed and then turned to look over her shoulder at Maddie. Her daughter was still asleep and so she got up and walked slowly to the door.

When she opened the door, she noticed that Deacon was gone.

 **Deacon**

Deacon walked up the steps of the bus with his guitar case and a box. He didn't see Rayna or Maddie, but he noticed that the door to Rayna's suite was closed, and he heard some muffled voices, so he figured they were in there. He hadn't seen Teddy's car in the parking lot, so he knew it was safe to come onto the bus. The break had been good, but he'd missed Maddie, so he was looking forward to seeing her. He shoved the box into one of the bunks and then sat down at the table, laying his messenger bag on top. He opened it up and pulled out his notebook.

He could hear Maddie then, her voice muffled somewhat by the suite door, but loud enough for him to hear her. "Daddy's here!" she shouted, sounding angry. He smiled to himself. "I need to see him now!" Then the door opened and he looked up to see Maddie running down the aisle. "Daddy! Daddy!" she yelled, and then she threw herself into his arms.

He smiled, picking her up and placing her on his lap. "Hey there, sweet girl," he said. "You miss me?"

"I did," she said, with a grin. He looked up then to see Rayna walking towards them. "Mama, I told you," she said, with a little frown on her face.

Rayna smiled at him, then at Maddie. "Yes, you did," she said. "And you were right."

He watched her as she slid onto the bench across from him and Maddie. She was nearly six months pregnant and this would be their last leg before she went on maternity leave. He took a deep breath. Being around her now had felt so complicated. It had taken them some time to get past what had happened the night of Maddie's accident, although they never talked about it. He sometimes wondered what could have happened, but mostly he just tried to move past it. He gave her a tight smile. "You doing okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah." She laughed a little. "This is when I have so much energy. Which is a good thing, I guess." She put her palms down on the table. "So I guess we're ready for the last few weeks of the tour."

He nodded. "Yep."

Just then the bus driver got on board. He looked down the aisle. "We're ready to head out, Ms. Jaymes," he said.

She smiled at him. "How long will we be on the road?"

"About seven hours. With the time change, that gets us to Charlotte right about six or so."

"Perfect. Thanks."

The driver sat in his seat and putting the bus in gear, headed out of the Sound Check parking lot, following the band and equipment buses.

* * *

Rayna was working on something at the table and he was entertaining Maddie by playing on the guitar. He loved having his daughter watch him, her dark blue eyes inquisitive, her attention rapt. She was going to be a musician, a performer, an artist, he knew it. He'd told Rayna that and she had always laughed and said "When she gets out of college, if that's what she wants, she can do it." He would always smile and nod, but he thought Maddie would surprise them. It frustrated the little girl that she couldn't hold his guitar on her lap, but she loved to pick at the strings and had shown a surprising ear for the music, when she had.

He watched her now, as she watched his fingers, a smile on her face. When he stopped, she looked up at him. "Don't stop, Daddy," she said.

He set his guitar aside and looked at her carefully. "I have a surprise for you, though, Maddie," he said. He knew she loved surprises.

She jumped up and clapped her hands together, smiling so hard she was squinting her eyes. "What? What?" Rayna looked up then and had a questioning look on her face.

He got up and reached behind the bunk curtain, pulling out the box. He sat back down on the bench and put the box next to him. "This," he said.

Maddie gasped and pounced on the box. He helped her pull the top off and she threw it aside. Then she squealed. "A guitar! A guitar!" she cried, jumping up and down.

He pulled the instrument out of the box. "Actually, it's a ukulele," he said. "Like a mini-guitar." He'd found one he thought she'd love, with a hard pink cover that looked like it had confetti all over it. "Just your size."

Rayna smiled in surprise. "Oh, my gosh, Maddie," she said. "Your own little guitar." She looked at him. "What a fun surprise. What made you decide to get that?"

He shrugged. "She wants to play. This is a good one to start on."

 **Rayna**

They had been late leaving Atlanta, so Rayna had called Teddy and told him she would call him when they arrived in Nashville. That would give her enough time to round up everything of hers and Maddie's and be ready when he got there to pick them up. She was ready to get home and start getting ready for the new baby. She had tried taking a nap with Maddie on the way, but Maddie was the worst nap taker and had spent most of the time fidgeting or playing with her baby doll or singing or chattering. Rayna felt exhausted when they had pulled into the Sound Check parking lot.

She called and left a message with Teddy's secretary, who told her Teddy was in a meeting that would last another thirty minutes. She asked if Rayna wanted her to interrupt him, but she said no, they could wait. But truthfully, the minute she'd said it, she wished she hadn't. It wasn't often that she felt a yearning to see him, but she did this time. She thought it was probably because of the baby, but she just wanted to have him hold her.

She started packing up her toiletry and makeup bags, as Maddie sat playing with her baby doll. She stopped and looked over at her daughter. "Maddie, why don't you put your baby in your tote bag, so you're ready when your dad comes to pick us up," she suggested, with a smile.

Maddie looked up at her, a mulish look on her face. "No. I want to play with her."

Rayna sighed. It was times like these, when Maddie showed off her stubbornness, that she saw just how much her daughter took after Deacon. "Well, I would rather that you get ready to go," she said again.

Maddie looked like she might start yelling, but just then Rayna heard Deacon's voice. "Maddie? Where are you, girl?" She looked out the suite door and saw Deacon step up into the bus.

Maddie threw down her doll and ran out of the room. "Daddy!" she squealed. Rayna rolled her eyes and took advantage of the opportunity to put Maddie's doll in her tote bag. Then she followed Maddie.

Deacon was grabbing Maddie in his arms and looked up as Rayna approached. "Hey," he said. "I just wanted to come say goodbye to Maddie." Since Deacon got so much time with Maddie while they were on tour, they had agreed that the first two weeks home she would stay with Teddy and Rayna. Rayna knew he didn't love it, but he'd at least been a good sport about it.

She smiled. "I know she'll miss you."

Deacon turned back to look at Maddie. "You be a good girl for your mama?" he asked. Maddie nodded solemnly and Rayna tried to hide a smile. "I'm counting on you. She ain't gonna wanna have you misbehaving right now, you know."

Maddie sighed. "I know. I promise."

He kissed her on the forehead. "I will see you in two weeks, baby," he said. "But if you wanna talk to me, all you gotta do is call me." Maddie nodded and then he put her down. She ran back to the suite.

"Mama!" she cried out angrily and Rayna smirked.

"I put away her baby doll," she whispered to Deacon, in response to his raised eyebrows. He just smiled and nodded. She put her hand on his arm. "So, I want to get back in the studio after the first of the year. I hope you and Bucky will take a listen to some demos."

He nodded. "We can do that." He had that look on his face. She knew he wanted her to record some of his songs, but she just couldn't. She was pretty sure they were all about her, or at least most of them were, and she knew she just couldn't do that. She wasn't sure how much time she'd have to write, so it seemed best to look for some other songs.

The silence went long and she looked away, sticking her hands in her back pockets. "Well, Teddy will be here soon," she said.

He nodded, then breathed in. "You know I'll always be here for you, Ray," he said softly. It was in his eyes, just exactly what he'd meant by that.

She caught her breath. Her mind immediately flashed back to the day at the park. More accurately, that night, after they'd come back to the hotel from the hospital. They had never talked about it afterwards, just ignored it. It had been awkward for a few days between them, but then they'd fallen back into their routine. But she couldn't deny that there had been a shift and she knew he was feeling it too. There was a yearning that persisted, that she worked hard to tamp down. The times he'd be there with her and Maddie would often remind her of her dreams of the two of them raising a family together and the empty feeling she had knowing that wasn't going to happen. In any case, she took a deep breath and swallowed. "I don't want you to do that, though, Deacon," she said, her voice shaking just slightly. "I want you to be happy, you know?"

A deep sadness crossed his face as he bit his lip. "I know," he said sadly. He took a deep breath and tried to smile. "I'll see you in a couple weeks." And then he turned and left so quickly, she didn't have time to answer.

She stood there a moment, then turned back and looked at Maddie, totally engrossed in her doll, and felt an ache wash over her that nearly drove her to her knees.

 **Deacon**

Rayna still planned on going back in the studio after the first of the year and then start touring again in late April or early May, after Maddie's birthday. Deacon wondered if she'd stick with that plan, but she was certainly hot and, especially for female artists, taking too much time off could kill a career. _Platinum Sea_ was still selling well and she'd released 'Back Again' as her fourth single from the album about a month before the end of the tour. It had just broken into the top ten. She'd written it, with another co-writer, but he knew the words had come from her heart.

 _I had that dream late last night / I was yours and you were mine / Watched you fade into the morning light again / And I don't mean to change your mind / We've had this talk a hundred times / It's raining like a river down my eyes / I don't want to talk about / How are hearts are doing now / God knows the both of us have tried / We were so in love, just a couple of kids / It's a long way back, again_

He'd been happy to just play guitar and let one of her back-up singers do the harmonies on that one. It had hit too close to home for him and it had made him wonder why she'd written it. When he'd asked her, she'd just shrugged, telling him it wasn't all her. Then she'd looked pointedly at him and said it wasn't about them, but he wasn't sure he believed that. Her voice had seemed just a little too brittle for him to believe it was completely true. But he'd let it go. It sure wasn't like every song _he_ wrote wasn't about her.

Watty had gotten him work as a session musician while he was off the road. It worked out well for him and he was able to work it so that the weeks Maddie was with him, he could spend all his time with her. Now that she was older and more independent, he found himself enjoying her more and more. She loved to sing and play her little ukulele. He was surprised that, even at four, she had a surprisingly good, if child-like, voice.

He had just walked in the door after a morning in the studio and his phone started to ring. He hurried to pick it up. "Hello?" he said.

"Hey. It's me." He felt that rush, the mix of pain and desire and regret, when he heard Rayna's voice.

"Hey. What's up? Maddie okay?"

"Yeah, Maddie's fine." She paused. "Listen, I know this is kind of a crazy idea." She paused again.

"What, Ray?" He wondered what this was about. He could hear her breathe in.

"Well, I know you're gonna be surprised when I ask, but…I was wondering if you'd like to write with me today." He was stunned and for a moment lost his voice. "Deacon?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I, uh…." He wasn't quite sure what to make of her ask. "Um, you sure?"

"I have a little bit of an idea and, well, it just seemed like you were…the right person to help me flesh it out."

This surprised him. She'd been pretty clear that writing together was likely off the table for the two of them. He took a deep breath. "Sure, I guess," he said finally. "If you think that's the way to go."

"I do," she said. She took a beat. "Can you come over here? We can work out in the gazebo."

"Yeah," he said. "I'll be there." He hung up the phone and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He'd never thought he'd write with Rayna again. He remembered thinking that if they ever stopped writing together, it would be the end of them. So he wondered if this was a new beginning. Then he picked his keys back up and headed back out the door with his guitar.

 **Rayna**

It was still hot and humid. Summers in Nashville were long and, as she had complained countless times to Teddy, it was the worst possible time to be pregnant. She had gotten Maddie to get in the pool with her that morning, but Maddie didn't like the way her fingers got all 'crinkly', as she would complain, and so that hadn't lasted nearly long enough.

She had woken up restless that morning. There was a snippet of a dream that wouldn't leave her, about a man in chains and walking on moving ground. She had tried to put it out of her head, but it kept gnawing away at the edges of her brain. After Teddy left for work, she'd tried to write something with it, thinking it was a song idea, but she hadn't gotten far, which frustrated her. After she and Maddie had come in from the pool and eaten lunch, she still kept going back to her notebook. She had thought through the songwriters she'd written with for her last album, but none of them seemed quite right. This seemed like a different kind of song and she kept going back to Deacon, even though she didn't want to. Finally, though, she knew she wasn't going to be able to put the idea aside and she had worked up her courage and called him.

Now she put glasses of tea and a pitcher on a tray, along with some juice boxes for Maddie. "Maddie, honey, come on, let's go down by the pool," she called out.

"I don't _wanna_ go to the pool!" her daughter shouted.

Rayna sighed. "You don't have to go in. We're meeting Daddy down there so he and I can write together." She had to laugh, when Maddie instantly ran to her side. "Why don't you go get your pillow, in case you want to take a nap?" It was almost Maddie's nap time and she hoped maybe the little girl would curl up on the bench while they were there.

Finally, pillow in hand, Rayna and Maddie made their way to the gazebo. She had just poured tea into glasses when Maddie shouted, "Daddy!" Rayna turned to watch Maddie race down the gazebo steps and out to Deacon, walking towards them. He stopped, setting down his guitar, and knelt down to grab a running Maddie in his arms. Rayna felt that little tug on her heart, when she saw them together, and felt grateful, yet again, that Deacon had made this work.

He looked up at her. "You still wanna do this?" he asked.

She nodded. "I feel like I have to, you know? I've got this idea in my head and I don't think I can get rid of it until I do."

He walked up to the gazebo and sat down across from her. He reached for her notebook and pulled it over in front of him. Then he looked up at her. "This all you got?" he asked, the tiniest smirk on his face.

She shrugged and smiled. "I've started with less, as you well know," she said. "So can you help me?"

* * *

Two hours later, Maddie was sound asleep on the gazebo bench. Rayna had moved to sit next to Deacon at the table and they ran through the whole song, which they called 'Changing Ground', start to finish. She'd forgotten how hot it was and she'd forgotten how easy it was to write with Deacon. She had not forgotten, however, how strong the pull was between them when they did. She thought it was probably a good thing that she was nine months pregnant, even though she hadn't been able to stop that feeling of need. When they finished the song, he'd looked into her eyes and she had seen his confusion and his sadness and she had looked away.

He cleared his throat and moved slightly away from her. "This turn out like what you wanted?" he asked, his voice low and quiet.

She nodded, still not looking at him. "Yeah, it did." She looked at him then and she felt her breath catch in her throat. "You always make me better," she whispered.

He looked at her for a long moment, then smiled slightly. "I think it's just 'cause I know you," he said. "I know what you wanna say."

She smiled back. "I think you're right about that." She reached out and laid her hand lightly on his arm. "Thanks."

He shook his head. "No problem." He turned away, putting his guitar back in its case. He breathed in and then he turned back to her, sliding his fingers into his pocket. He pulled something out and when he laid it on the table, she saw it was a coin. She looked at him. "Five years," he said. "Just got it yesterday."

She took a long breath, feeling tears filling her eyes. She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Deacon, I'm so proud of you," she said, her voice choked with emotion. She didn't know if she had any right to be proud, but she was anyway. She had prayed for so long for him to be able to do this, and now he had. "You should be proud too. You worked hard for this."

He nodded, just sitting there for a moment. Then he picked up the coin and slid it back in his pocket. He gave her a ghost of a smile and cleared his throat. "I should go," he said. He stood up and then walked over to where Maddie was sleeping still. He leaned down to kiss her gently on the cheek. He looked back at Rayna, who had stood up herself. "Tell her I'll see her soon," he said.

She crossed her arms over her chest, running her hands up and down. "I will," she said. She saw something in his eyes, as he let his gaze slide over her, and she felt a squeeze in her heart. He took two steps towards her and leaned in, giving her light kiss on the cheek, just like he had with Maddie.

"Take care," he said and she nodded, without saying a word.

He turned and walked out of the gazebo and across the pool deck and she stood, leaning against the gazebo railing, watching him. This was why they couldn't write together. Because this wasn't how she wanted that to end. She didn't want to watch his loping gait as he headed towards the front of the house, his free hand in his pocket, his head held high. She suspected it was as hard for him to walk away as it was for her to watch it. And then she shook her head, trying to let loose of those thoughts. _We've made our path. There's no going back._

 **Deacon**

It was after ten one night in early October when his phone rang. When he answered, he wasn't surprised to hear Rayna's voice. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey."

There was a pause. "So, um, Daphne's here," she said, her voice rising slightly at the end.

He smiled a little sadly. "Yeah, I heard." She didn't respond. "Maddie called me."

"She was pretty excited. Kind of bouncing off walls, actually," Rayna said, with a little laugh at the end.

"Yeah, I kinda picked up on that." He breathed in. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Tired."

He felt pressure in his chest and behind his eyes. It hadn't hit him quite the same way when Maddie had called him and chattered away about her 'baby' in her childish stream-of-consciousness way of talking. But Rayna calling him…he didn't know quite how to process that. He swallowed hard. "Maybe you should sleep then?" he asked.

He imagined that she smiled a little at that. "Yeah, you're probably right, but I just, well, I just wanted to…call," she said.

He squeezed his eyes closed, massaging the back of his neck with his other hand. He felt like his heart was in a vise. "Why?" he asked, choking on the word.

She was quiet on the other end, but then he thought she might have been crying. "You're my family," she said finally and he was sure he heard a little quiver in her voice.

He took a deep breath, trying to regain control over his own emotions. "Congratulations, Ray," he said. "I'll, uh, see you in a few days."

"Okay," she replied. "Bye, Deacon."

He hung up the phone without responding, overcome with an odd sense of loss. He realized she had really moved on and he understood just how much he had not. He felt both foolish and incredibly sad. She was the love of his life and he had truly lost her forever, it seemed. He felt that craving then, the desire to drown himself in the whiskey that would make the pain go away, take the memories away, let him forget all he'd lost, at least for a little while. He reached for his keys and shoved them in his pocket, then turned and walked towards the living room.

As he passed the fireplace, he caught sight of a picture on his mantel, in his peripheral vision. He turned to look at it. One of the girls on Rayna's glam squad had taken it. He was sitting on the edge of a stage – he couldn't remember anymore where they were – and Maddie was on his lap, smiling happily. She was three when the picture was taken, already becoming her own little person. He walked over and picked up the picture, looking at it closely. He had one arm around Maddie's waist, holding her close, her little hands gripping his arm, smiling for the camera. She had on a little sundress and tiny boots, her hair in short little pigtails.

He rubbed his thumb over her image. She was everything to him. He had to stay strong. For her. He put the picture back down on the mantel and then went back and put his keys on the kitchen counter. Then he walked into his bedroom and got ready for bed.

 **Rayna**

Rayna sat at her dressing table and leaned forward, patting the concealer under her eyes, trying to hide the dark circles. It had been four days since Daphne had been born and she was feeling – and looking – sleep deprived. She had finally taken a shower, by herself, and felt better already. She would put on a little makeup and then blow dry her hair. She looked away from the mirror for a moment when she heard Maddie's laughter float up from downstairs. She smiled, thinking about how excited her older daughter was with the new baby. And Daphne had been a dream, much more agreeable than Maddie had been as a newborn. She thought that was probably Teddy's genetics.

She looked back in the mirror and sighed, before picking up her mascara. She was happy they'd had Daphne and she could see that Teddy was over the moon about her, but it still left her just the tiniest bit sad. Daphne felt like the period to her story with Deacon, and she'd struggled with how she felt about that ever since her youngest was born. She had held to her boundaries, ever since he'd come home from rehab that last time, but their connection had still been there, albeit under the surface. But now it seemed like she had truly changed the game. It felt bittersweet.

Just then Teddy walked into the room. She felt a tiny bit of panic. "Where's Daphne?" she asked, as she looked at him in the mirror.

He grinned, that boyish grin she always loved. "The nanny has her." They had a temporary nanny for the first few weeks, the intent to let Rayna get some rest. However, Rayna still got up every time Daphne cried. "She's going to want to be fed soon though."

She smiled. "I'll be ready in a minute. I just need to dry my hair and get dressed."

He looked at her then and frowned slightly. "Is this for him?" he asked, waving his hand at her dressing table.

She knew he meant Deacon, who was coming over to pick up Maddie. She made a face. "I just wanted to feel like myself, Teddy," she said, a little edge in her voice. She got up then and picked up her hair dryer. "If you don't mind," she said, holding up the dryer. He just shrugged and walked away. She rolled her eyes then and turned on the dryer.

* * *

She dressed carefully. Her body was still far from back to her pre-baby shape, plus she was breastfeeding, so she needed comfortable clothes. She didn't want to look frumpy though and it was then that she acknowledged that she didn't want Deacon to see her like that. That made her heart hurt a little, thinking about Teddy, and she wiped a single tear from her eye. She brushed out her hair and pulled it back into a bun, then went downstairs.

* * *

By the time Deacon arrived to pick up Maddie, Teddy was gone. He was never around when Deacon came by, which usually was a good thing. It meant there were none of the snarky remarks and chest puffing that made her crazy. But on this day, Rayna found herself wishing he was. When the knock came at the door, Maddie jumped up and started to cry out 'Daddy!' like she always did, but Daphne was asleep, and Rayna put her finger over her lips to remind Maddie to be quiet.

Maddie ran to the door and Rayna got up to follow her. Deacon was already standing in the kitchen foyer when she got there. She smiled. "Hey," she said.

He just stood there. "Hey," he said. He nodded towards Maddie, who was hopping back and forth on her feet. "She ready?"

She nodded. "Yeah, she is."

Maddie had other plans though. She reached for Deacon's hand. "Daddy," she whispered loudly. "Come see my baby." She put a finger over her lips, imitating Rayna. "You have to be quiet though. She's sleeping."

He seemed to resist. "Maybe later, sweetie. We don't want to wake her up," he said.

"It's okay," Rayna said, and he looked back at her. The look on his face seemed to be a mix of sadness and hurt and resignation and it pierced her heart.

Maddie was tugging on his hand. "Yeah, Daddy, it's okay," she pleaded. "Please. I want you to see my baby."

He looked down at her and smiled. "Okay," he said. "Show me your baby."

Rayna followed them into the den, to where Daphne was asleep in her crib. Maddie started to reach over the edge and jab Daphne with her finger and Rayna quickly intercepted her and shook her head. Maddie snatched her hand back and looked apologetic. Then she reached for Deacon's hand. "This is Daphne," she whispered loudly. Rayna had to keep from smiling. Daphne twitched a little but didn't wake up.

"She's pretty," he said, softly. He looked over at Rayna then, his eyes filled with sadness. "She's beautiful, Ray."

Rayna took a deep breath and smiled tightly. She had this unexplainable urge to cry and she needed to get past that. "Thanks," she whispered and looked back at her baby. She _was_ beautiful, with her creamy skin and light reddish-blonde hair and her blue eyes. Daphne was as clearly Teddy's child as Maddie was Deacon's and she loved her as much as she loved Maddie.

"We should go," Deacon said and she looked up at him then. _I have to get over this. I can't feel sad about him right now. This is one of the happiest times of my life._ But it was hard. She nodded and then followed them back to the back door.

She watched Maddie shrug into her backpack and pick up her doll, as Deacon picked up her overnight bag. Rayna leaned over towards her daughter. "Be a good girl, Maddie," she said.

Maddie looked up at Deacon, then back at Rayna. "I'm always a good girl," she said. Rayna looked up at Deacon and he raised his eyebrows, with a smirk. "Tell Daphne I'll be back." When Deacon opened the door, she walked out and stood waiting for him.

Rayna looked at Deacon, but could think of nothing to say. He seemed to be having the same problem, but finally he said, "We'll see you next weekend." Then he was gone.

She shut the door quietly and then leaned back against it. It felt like something had changed between them, maybe irrevocably, maybe not. She couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. She also couldn't help but wonder if he'd noticed she'd dressed up for him.

 _ **As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your reviews. I love hearing what you think and how you feel about this story.**_


	17. 2004

**Rayna**

She was starting to get annoyed. Nothing she'd put on fit quite right. She was still breastfeeding Daphne, which meant her button up tops seriously gapped when she'd buttoned them. The tank tops and t-shirts she'd tried fit too tight over her breasts. She had tried a vest over a plain black t-shirt but the vest didn't camouflage it enough. She made an angry noise and threw the vest onto her vanity chair.

"What's going on?" Teddy asked from the door, a note of amusement in his voice.

She turned to look at him and scowled darkly. "My boobs are too big." She looked back in the mirror.

He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, then reached up and cupped her. "I think they're perfect, babe," he said, with a warm smile.

She swatted his hands away and then stalked back into the closet. "Stop it, Teddy," she said. "I have to look _somewhat_ respectable at the Opry."

He followed behind her, leaning against the closet door jamb. "Oh, come on, Rayna. You're breastfeeding. I'm sure that's wholesome activity for your Opry crowd," he said, with a smirk.

She looked at him, scowling, her hands on her hips. "Well, that may be, but I don't want to look all, you know, _booby_ on stage." She gave him a knowing look. "I would think you wouldn't want me to either." Seeing the set to his jaw at her oblique reference to Deacon being on stage with her gave her an odd sense of satisfaction. Which she immediately regretted. Post-pregnancy hormones were causing her to be bitchier than normal. She sighed and looked back at the clothes in her closet. She spied a white tunic she'd worn early in her pregnancy. "This might work," she said, pulling it off the hangar. She walked out to her vanity, brushing past Teddy, and pulled off her t-shirt. Then she slid on the tunic.

"That looks good," Teddy said, his voice a little subdued.

She picked up the vest and slid it on over the tunic. Then she turned to the side, checking out her profile. She'd lost most of the baby weight everywhere else, but the tunic did cover the small stomach pooch she still had. She turned back the other way. "I think you're right," she said. Then she looked at him and sighed. Everything annoyed her right now, it felt like, and she hated that she was taking it out on him. She walked over and kissed him. "I'm sorry, babe," she said.

He smiled and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "Don't worry about it," he said, kissing her.

She put her hands on his arms and smiled at him. "Thanks for keeping the girls," she said. "I love you."

"I don't mind. Just have a good time. And I love you too."

* * *

It had started off normally enough. The Opry had invited her to perform, even though she wasn't yet officially back from maternity leave. She'd just gone back in the studio, doing prep work for her next album, and rehearsals for the tour would start in six weeks. But she never minded performing at the Opry. When she checked in, they gave her a dressing room and told her her band was already there. She was unexpectedly moved to the end of the program, so once they'd warmed up, she and Deacon were alone in her dressing room.

She looked over at him, as he sat with his guitar on his lap, picking out some melodies. She felt a wave of emotion sweep over her, something she blamed on post-pregnancy hormones. She blinked rapidly and breathed in, looking away from him. When he stopped playing, she made herself not turn to look at him. "Things getting back to normal?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

She looked at him then and nodded, smiling a little. "I guess. Daphne's really easy, which I appreciate."

He nodded. "I been listening to those demos Bucky sent over," he said, changing the subject.

"Anything you like?"

He shrugged. "Maybe." He sighed. "You should try writing again."

She got up and started to pace. "I don't have time, Deacon," she said, hearing the irritation in her voice. "And right now I don't even have a clue what I'd write about." She leaned on the counter, crossing one ankle over the other and folding her hands over her chest. She looked down and thought that made her breasts look bigger so she dropped her hands.

He was quiet for a moment. "Maybe think about what you want to say. That might help figure out the right demos." She could sense he was trying to be sensitive to her mood. "Do you have someone you want to write with?"

She breathed in and moved her hands to grasp the counter behind her. _I would love to write with you. But I can't._ She shrugged. "I don't know," she said.

Just then, the door opened and she looked up. "Ms. Jaymes? We're ready for you."

She smiled. "Thanks." She pushed up from the counter and looked at Deacon. "I guess it's time." She watched Deacon get up with his guitar and then she headed for the door.

As they headed for the stage, Deacon put his hand on her arm and she turned to look at him. "You ready?" he asked.

She smiled. "I am."

He smiled back. "Good." She remembered thinking later that he had a mysterious twinkle in his eye. She had asked him later if he knew what was happening, but he would never admit to it.

They were introduced by one of her favorites, John Conlee, and then performed 'Changing Ground' from her upcoming album and 'Already Gone', a crowd favorite. As she was accepting the applause from the audience, she could tell that something was happening behind her. The applause suddenly got louder and more excited and when she turned and saw Vince Gill approaching her, she knew immediately what was coming.

Vince put his arm around her and she covered her mouth with her hand as the tears started. "How you doing tonight, Ms. Rayna Jaymes?" he asked, with a big smile on his face.

She nodded at first, then finally croaked out, "Good."

"So, do you know how many times you've performed at the Opry?"

"Um, I'm not sure exactly." She was still in shock and she turned then to look back at Deacon, who was just smiling.

"Eighty eight times," Vince told her. "And it seems like it's only fair that after all those times on this stage, to ask if you'd like to be the next member of the Grand Ole Opry?" The audience went crazy and she was overcome with emotions.

At first all she could do was nod and then finally she squeaked out, "Yes!"

Everything after that was a blur, from performing her final song, to leaving the stage, to walking back to her dressing room past so many people who were waiting for her, to accepting congratulations and hugs from all her band members. And then it was just Deacon left in the room, as she dried her eyes with a Kleenex.

"I'm proud of you, Rayna," he said, with a smile. "I know you wanted that since way before we ever got to play here."

She nodded. "I did. This was my dream, you know? For as long as I can remember. I used to listen to the Grand Ole Opry on the radio with my mom and I remember telling her I was gonna be a member one day." She laughed then. "Such dreams, huh?"

"Baby, you made every one of your dreams come true," he said, his voice soft and filled with emotion.

Tears started to fill her eyes again. "And you've been with me for all of them. You know that," she said. She walked over to him and hugged him. After a moment, she felt him put his arms around her shoulders. "Thank you," she murmured against his chest.

She knew the hug went on too long, but it felt good to feel him hold her again. Finally she stepped back, feeling a little breathless. He worked his lip for a moment. "You really do deserve this, Ray," he said quietly.

She nodded. "It's a dream come true." She breathed in. "So y'all will all be here then, in two weeks?"

He smiled. "Wouldn't miss it," he said. Then he picked up his guitar and walked out the door.

She watched him, thinking back to the very first time they'd stood on the Opry stage together. He had been there almost every single time she'd performed at the Opry and she couldn't imagine doing it without him. Then she sighed and gathered up her things so she could head home and tell Teddy the exciting news.

 **Deacon**

"What is wrong with these?" Rayna shouted angrily, as she ripped the ear buds out of her ears and threw them to the floor. "Are you trying to ruin my hearing?" She stomped off the stage and headed towards the hallway, leaving Deacon and the rest of the band to look after her in disbelief. This was so not Rayna. She almost never lost her cool, but this seemed to have been building in the week since they'd been back in rehearsal.

Deacon set his guitar in a stand and looked at the other members of the band. "Probably just a diva dip," he said, with a smirk. "I'll check on her." And then he headed off in the direction she'd gone. He finally found her, standing outside the back door at Sound Check. She was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed and tears streaking her face. He reached out and rubbed her arm, frowning. "Hey, what's up?" he asked gently.

She leaned her head back against the wall and uncrossed her arms, lifting her fingers up to wipe away the tears. She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just a little bit of a mess right now."

He inclined his head towards a walking trail that crossed the back property line and wended its way along the river. "Wanna take a walk?" he asked.

She breathed in and then laughed a little. "Yeah," she said. "I could probably use it." They headed towards the trail. He put his hands in his pockets and she slid hers into her back pockets. They walked in companionable silence for a bit. It was early spring, but the day was warm, with a pleasant light breeze. "I guess I had a little diva dip back there," she said finally, looking up at him.

He looked at her and smiled. "That's what I told 'em," he said.

She made a face and swatted at his arm. "You didn't!" she cried.

He knew she wasn't angry. He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, I did," he said.

She just smiled and then, surprisingly, took his arm as they kept walking. "I just didn't know how hard it would be having two," she said, finally.

"Twice the work, I guess," he said.

She nodded. "Especially when _our_ daughter decides to digress back to the terrible two's," she said, rolling her eyes.

He looked surprised. "Really? I hadn't seen that."

She scowled at him. "Well, that's because she has your full attention." She sighed. "You know, as excited as she was for her sister to be here, now she seems to just want her to go away." She looked at him. "Sometimes anyway."

He was very aware of her hand on his arm and it made it hard for him to think clearly. He cleared his throat. "I can talk to her," he offered.

She shook her head. "I think we just need to get through it." She moved her hand then, although, as they continued to walk, they would occasionally bump arms. She looked up at him then. "I'm really glad we've gotten to this place, Deacon," she said thoughtfully.

He frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked.

She shrugged. "You know. Where we can be together, without all the drama."

He breathed in. "We ain't really together, Rayna," he said.

"You know what I mean. We've gotten past all the hurt places and we can be, I don't know, friends, I guess."

He wasn't sure he'd characterize it that way. "I guess," he said, deciding not to challenge her though.

"I'm really proud of you, Deacon," she said.

He stopped then and frowned. She turned back to look at him. "That's great, Rayna, you being proud of me and all," he said, getting a little angry. He could feel tears in his eyes and he bit his lip, looking away from her. "But I coulda done this without you having to dump me." He heard her gasp and he looked back at her then. "I never understood why you thought breaking up with me, _divorcing_ me, was the answer. And when you found out you were pregnant with Maddie, why you thought we couldn't do that together." It felt like all the complex feelings he'd had, watching her build a family with someone else, having to act like it was okay, just slammed against him full force. He couldn't stop it from bubbling over.

She frowned then and took a step towards him. "We _are_ doing it together, Deacon," she said tersely.

He raised his hands up. "As a _family_ , Rayna. We ain't doing it as a _family_. We're Maddie's two separate parents, with Teddy all mixed up in it somehow. I can't even be Maddie's one daddy. I gotta share her. And all because you couldn't wait for me."

She put her hands on her hips. "You _know_ why I couldn't do that, Deacon. But if it's still this much of an issue for you, maybe doing all this" – she waved her hands around – "isn't the right thing to do. If it's too much for you, then maybe we can't work together. Because I can't keep having this same conversation over and over." She took a deep breath. "We got divorced because you couldn't stay sober and I couldn't trust you. I'm glad you're doing it now, but I've moved on. I'm happy with the life I have and I'm not sorry about that. It's time for you to move on too, Deacon. You can't keep living in the past like this. And I can't keep doing _this_."

She turned and walked back towards Sound Check, leaving him standing there watching her.

* * *

He didn't know why he couldn't let it go. Let _her_ go. She'd been clear what her boundaries were and that she was firm on them. With the exception of that brief lapse in Kansas City, she'd held to that, given him no real reason to think that had changed. It didn't matter what feelings she might still have for him, that was clear. She'd made her choice. He knew she wanted them to have a congenial relationship. She wanted that so they could parent Maddie together and she wanted it because she trusted him professionally. He knew it was _his_ struggle. _He_ was the one who needed to figure out how to manage this. Or if he even could manage it.

He wasn't sure she was wrong. Maybe it _was_ an issue for him, the two of them working together and his apparent inability to not try to blur the lines. Watty had suggested once that he consider moving on, at least professionally. But he loved her. He would probably always love her. She was the love of his life, he knew that without question, and he'd wanted to be near her. But she wasn't his anymore, she was someone else's. He needed to respect that, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough. So he avoided it altogether by not showing up for rehearsal the next day.

 **Rayna**

She hated this. She was tired of the arguing with Deacon and the frustration with him not being able to move on. She wanted it all to work out. She wanted him to be there for Maddie, to be with her professionally, and for them to be able to be friends. She wasn't oblivious enough to not be able to see how hard it was, for both of them. But she had been committed to making things work and she was frustrated that he, apparently, could not.

What had started as a nice moment for them, where he could be a sounding board and a friend, had deteriorated, yet again, into an argument. She regretted saying that maybe they couldn't work together anymore. If nothing else, she respected what he meant to her professionally. She had said, over and over, that he made her better, and he did. She didn't want to think about what it might be like without him.

When she got home, Teddy was being needy and the girls were both cranky and she had finally taken a glass of wine and gone out to the pool. She needed time to think and she couldn't do that in the house. She thought back to the conversation she'd had with Cole, about Deacon needing to get better on his own, and it occurred to her that being back in her band might be part of the issue. As much as she'd wanted him to do it, for Maddie's sake as well as her own, she had to consider that it put too much pressure on him. The thought of it kind of took her breath away and made her sad. It had never been her intention to do that to him.

* * *

She hadn't been prepared, the next day at rehearsal, for Deacon to be a no show. "Has anyone heard from him? Or called him?" she asked Bucky.

Bucky shrugged. "He didn't call anyone. I just called and he's not picking up," he said. He looked at her. "Did something happen yesterday?"

She looked away, but shook her head. "No, of course not," she said, but she started to panic. This was typical Deacon – walking away when things got tough. And it was often when he would fall off the wagon. She took a deep breath. "I'm going over to his house," she said to Bucky.

Bucky looked concerned. "You want me to come with you?"

"No, that's okay. I can manage." If he had gone into the cycle again, she didn't want anyone else with her. She walked over to pick up her purse and keys. "I'll call you." She tried to feel more confident than she did, but she practically ran out of the building to her car.

* * *

She ran up the steps to the porch and began knocking on the door. When Deacon opened it, looking perfectly fine, she nearly wept with relief. "Why aren't you at rehearsal?" she cried. When he didn't immediately respond, she pushed at his chest with her hand and walked in. She started in on him before he'd even closed the door behind her. "Why didn't you show up? Why didn't you call? Why did you _scare_ me like that, Deacon?" she went on, nearly in tears.

He stood looking at her, his hands on his hips, his eyes looking sad. "I didn't mean to scare you," he said.

"But you did! You did that thing you always do and you stepped away. I know I was harsh yesterday, and I'm sorry, but then you just disappeared." She breathed in. "I was worried."

He raised his eyebrows. "But I ain't your problem anymore, Rayna," he said.

Her breath caught in her throat. She wasn't sure exactly what that meant. "I care about you, Deacon," she said. "And I don't want you to…I don't want you not to be in my band." She swallowed. "I know our lives are complicated. But I _need_ you." She knew she sounded emotional, and she hadn't meant to, but she didn't want him to walk away. Even if that was a little selfish.

He started to walk towards the kitchen, but then he turned back to her. "It's hard, though, Rayna," he said, pointing towards her with his hand. "I gotta watch you have some other life. I gotta hear my daughter call someone else 'Dad'. I wasn't ready…I wasn't ready for us to be done."

She could feel the tears on her face, but she tried to keep her voice steady. "I know," she said. "But it was the only way I could figure out to, I don't know, to save you."

She could tell he was struggling to maintain his own composure. "It ain't your job, Rayna," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It ain't your job to save me. It wasn't _never_ your job to do that." He put his hands on his hips and breathed in, looking at the ceiling. "I can't do this, Rayna. I thought I could, but I can't."

She felt an icy chill run through her body. "Can't do what, Deacon?" she asked, her voice soft but gravelly with emotion.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, struggling to compose himself. Finally he looked at her. "I think I need a break," he said. "I know we gotta figure out something for Maddie, 'cause I don't wanna lose my time with her, but I don't think I can do this anymore."

She crossed her arms over her waist, feeling nauseous. "Are you quitting my band?" she asked.

He rubbed his hands over his face and then looked back at her. "I think I got to," he said sadly. "I'm sorry, Ray. It's me. It ain't you, not really. You been really clear on things, but you were right. We can't keep doing this. And that's on me. I know that. But it ain't fair, to any of us."

She started to cry. "I don't think I can do this without you, Deacon," she sobbed.

He nodded. "Yeah, you can. You done it before." He shrugged. "Maybe it won't be forever. But it has to be for now."

She walked over to him and grabbed his shirt. "I don't want this," she said. "The music, well, the music just won't be the same. Nothing's the same without you."

He looked away from her. "That's the problem, Ray," he said softly. She leaned her head against his chest and then she felt his arms close around her. "I gotta do this, baby. For me. For both of us."

She slid her arms around his waist, knowing it could be dangerous to do so, but the thought of losing him left her feeling empty. He'd been there her whole life, it felt like, and she wasn't sure how she'd go forward. "I don't want you to leave me," she whispered against his chest.

 **Deacon**

He finally pushed away from her and he could see the hurt in her eyes. "I think it's best for now, Ray," he said, quietly. "It ain't like I'm going away forever. I'll still be around. I'll still be there for Maddie. I just, ah, I just gotta take a break." _From you._

* * *

He knew she'd be mad at him, and she was. As sad as she'd been when he'd told her, it hadn't taken long before she got angry. _Some things just don't change, do they? You still just walk away instead of dealing with things._ That was fair. But he'd also known that had he told her what he wanted to do, she would have tried to change his mind. And he'd also known that if he'd let her do that, he probably would have.

So he did the only thing that made sense. He walked away. He ripped the band aid off and moved on.

 **Rayna**

Rayna was worn out at the end of rehearsal. Pulling in a new lead guitar player on the fly had been challenging. It wasn't as though she'd never had to do it before, but she hadn't been prepared this time. They'd had to go in studio and lay down all the tracks with someone new. Fortunately Deacon had done all the arrangements, so all Colin had to do was step in and perform.

Colin was an excellent lead guitar player, but his style was different from Deacon's and she'd had to get used to it. She was nervous about going out on tour without Deacon, but she did her best to hide that. As she came down off the stage, Bucky walked up to her, holding a CD.

"Rayna, this came over today and I think you should listen to it," Bucky said.

She frowned but took the disc from him. "You liked it?" she asked.

He nodded. "I did, but I want you to take a listen. Beth Chapman co-wrote it and specifically wanted you to record it."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? Well, I guess I could listen before I go home."

Bucky shook his head. "Listen to it at home. You need to get on home anyway. It's been a long day and I know your girls are looking forward to seeing you."

She smiled. "Yeah, you're right. And I'm missing them too." She put her hand on Bucky's arm. "Thanks, Buck." She held up the CD. "I'll listen to it tonight and let you know tomorrow." She slid the disc into her purse and walked out of the building.

* * *

Once she got home, she forgot all about the song until just before she was ready to go to bed. She pulled the disc out of her purse and turned to Teddy. "Babe, I need to listen to this tonight so I can give an answer to Bucky about it tomorrow," she said.

"What is it?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Someone had a song they wanted me to listen to. Record, actually. I've already finished my record though, so I don't know. It won't take but maybe fifteen minutes and then I'll be up."

He smiled. "Okay." He kissed her and then headed upstairs.

She stood and watched him until he was out of sight, then walked down the hall to the music room. She turned on the lights and closed the doors. Then she sat at the soundboard and inserted the disc into a computer. She reached for her headphones and put them on. She pressed play and closed her eyes.

The guitar intro was beautiful and haunting in its simplicity. As the song played out in her ears, she felt her chest tighten. She felt like she couldn't breathe and then she felt tears fill her eyes. She listened all the way through and then sat back, tears rolling down her cheeks, chilled to the bone by what she'd heard. She pressed play again and listened, this time more closely.

 _I blew out all my plans / The world fell in my hands / The day that I began / Tryin' to love you_

 _The secrets I have kept /The nights I haven't slept / I've laughed until I've wept / Tryin' to love you_

She put her arms around her waist and bent over, the ache filling her entire body. She was certain the song had not been written about her, but it could have been. It touched all those terrible pain points in her relationship with Deacon and had uncovered the inability to let it all go. It was why every break from Deacon was so painful and hard and why she never could completely let him go.

 _Tryin' to love you / I've screamed your name, I've slammed a thousand doors / Tryin' to love you / And I've worn a million miles across the floor / Tryin' to love you / Still I could not ignore tryin' to love you_

 _It's pulled the best from me / For all the world to see / I guess I'll always be / Tryin' to love you_

She sat in the music room much longer than the fifteen minutes she'd told Teddy. And then when she finally went upstairs to their bedroom, she crawled into bed and curled up on her side, telling him she had a headache. She dreamt about Deacon that night, but instead of the dreams where he made love to her, this time he was walking out the door.

* * *

The next day at rehearsal, she gave the CD to Bucky. "I'd like to do this as a bonus single. Maybe we can record it during a tour break," she said, and then walked up the steps to the stage.

 **Deacon**

Deacon was in the waiting room at his lawyer's office. He wasn't there to see Mark, though. He was there to see a family practice lawyer about updating his will. Mark had been shocked that Deacon's will hadn't been updated since before he and Rayna were divorced, especially now that they had a child, so he'd recommended another lawyer at his firm who could handle that for him.

As he waited, he found himself thinking about what he was missing, not being on tour with Rayna. He still felt like it had been the right thing to do, to step away, but he missed the routine of it. He missed seeing Maddie every day, although he'd get to see her when Rayna came back through Nashville on breaks. It had been hard telling Maddie he wouldn't be on the tour this time, that they wouldn't be spending time together on the bus. She had cried and then argued with him and then cried some more. He had felt like crying himself. He missed his little girl.

Most of all, though, he missed touring with Rayna. He frowned. Actually, he just missed Rayna. Which had made it clear to him just why he'd needed to do this.

"Deacon?" came a female voice. He looked up to see a pretty dark-haired woman approaching him. He stood up and she smiled, holding out her hand. "I'm Megan Vanoy," she said."

He took her hand. "Pleased to meet you, Ms. Vanoy," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "Please. Call me Megan." He noticed then that she was _really_ pretty, not what he'd expected from a lawyer. She looked like she was around his age and she had a really nice smile.

He smiled back at her. "Alright. Megan. Thanks for seeing me on short notice."

She started to lead him back to her office. "Oh, no problem. Mark gave me your previous will and I think it's really pretty straightforward to make the changes you want." As he followed her, he couldn't help but notice her attractive figure and the slight sway to her hips as she walked.

As she walked him through her suggestions for changes, he barely heard what she said. He noticed her kind eyes and how she absentmindedly tucked her hair behind her ears. How she sat forward in her chair and her delicate, nicely manicured fingers. The blouse she wore fit nicely on her body and showed just the tiniest amount of cleavage. Her voice was honey smooth, not the Southern accent he was used to, but she had a lyrical tone to her speech all the same.

When he went home, all he could think about was Megan Vanoy. When he went back to sign the updated will, he asked her out.

 **Rayna**

Rayna frowned as she opened the door. "You're early," she said.

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Not much," he said. "But I wanted to talk to you before I got Maddie."

"Talk about what?" She still had that heavy feeling in her chest, whenever she saw Deacon. She figured it was mainly because she didn't see him every day, like before, so now she just saw him on tour breaks. But it felt like she had a boulder on her chest and it hurt to breathe.

He gave her a halfway smile. "Can I come in?" He was still standing outside the house.

She stepped back to let him pass. "Sorry. Yeah, come in," she said. When he walked in, she closed the door behind him. She hesitated for just a second, her hand on the door knob. Then she turned to face him. He was standing with his back to her, his hands in his pockets. She walked around to stand in front of him, putting on her performance face. "So what's going on?"

She thought he looked a little nervous then. "Well, uh" – he looked away – "I, uh, I'm dating somebody," he said.

She raised her eyebrows without thinking. "You're what?"

"I'm dating somebody," he repeated. "I ain't planning on having her around Maddie just yet, haven't so far, but I thought I should tell you. Because, you know, at some point I'll want to introduce her to Maddie."

She let her eyes flit away from him, trying to regain her composure. "Okay," she said, slowly, then looked back at him. "Thanks, I guess."

He scowled. "I thought you'd want me to let you know, Rayna…."

"Who is she? What does she do?" she asked, interrupting him.

He cleared his throat. "Her name's Megan. She's a lawyer."

That surprised her. Someone outside the music business. "So, this is a…relationship?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe." He breathed in. "Right now it's just dating."

She put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath. She really had no idea how she should react or how she felt. _That's a lie. I know exactly how I feel._ She breathed in. "Well, I'm, uh, I'm happy for you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Then she smiled, her performance smile. "How long have you been, uh, dating?"

He shifted on his feet. "A couple months." She wasn't totally sure, but she thought she saw a tiny glimmer of regret in his eyes. Or something.

She breathed in deeply and rubbed her hands on her jeans. "Well, let me go get Maddie," she said. She turned to go.

"Rayna," he said quietly, after she'd taken a couple steps. She turned back. "You were right. It was best that I move on." That brought tears to her eyes. She nodded, then looked down, before turning back and heading for Maddie's room.

* * *

Rayna put Daphne down in her crib and covered her daughter with a light blanket. The little girl fell asleep almost as soon as she laid her head on the mattress. Rayna smiled down at her, then went to pick up the empty bottle on the dresser. She was glad Daphne had wanted to be fed, right after Maddie left. It took her mind off other things while she concentrated on her baby.

She missed Maddie already. She knew it wasn't fair – Maddie was still traveling with her, after all, and Deacon didn't get to see her as much – but the house seemed so empty without her older daughter in it. Soon enough it would be the same for her. Maddie would be starting kindergarten and would no longer be on tour with her. At least she'd still have Daphne.

She ran her fingers across Daphne's back one last time and then left the room, closing the door softly behind her. She headed down the stairs and into the kitchen, where she busied herself making tea. Then she took her mug into the den and sat on the loveseat, tucking her legs up under her. She leaned back against the cushions, taking a minute to relax. She had a week off and then they'd be back on the bus, headed for…somewhere. She smiled to herself. She still never remembered where they were going, counting on Deacon to remind her. He always knew the schedule, seemed to have it memorized. Thinking about Deacon made her sigh.

 _Megan._ He had a girlfriend. It bothered her more than she wanted it to, more than she thought it should. They were divorced, after all. She had remarried, had children now. It wasn't supposed to matter, because she'd told him many times he should get on with his life. She hadn't just meant the day-to-day aspects of life – and truth be told, that was never really what she'd meant anyway – but the relationship side of life.

And now he had and it was unsettling. _At some point I'll want to introduce her to Maddie._ Of course he would. He couldn't have a relationship and not include Maddie in that. It bothered her to think about it and it bothered her that it bothered her. She had no right to hold onto him. _And that's what I've been doing, isn't it? Holding on._ She sighed. When her phone rang, she was glad for the distraction.

"Hey, Watty," she said, with a smile. She hadn't talked to her mentor in a while.

"Hey, my little songbird," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "I wanted to let you know that I'll be coming out to see you next week in Chicago. Thought I'd take a little road trip and check out your show."

She grinned. Watty still came out at least once every tour. "I'm so glad to hear that," she said. "I hope you'll enjoy it."

"What are you calling this one?"

"The 'Denim and Rhinestones' tour," she said, with a chuckle. "You know, my favorite stage outfits."

He laughed softly. "How's Colin working out for you?"

Watty had been the one to recommend Colin to Bucky, so she wanted to be careful. "He's a great guitar player, Watty," she said. "Very intense. Strong sound."

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "But he's not Deacon," he said.

She ran her tongue over her lower lip. "Well, no one is, truthfully," she said. "But he's good. He follows Deacon's arrangements and…it's good."

"You know, it's good for the two of you to move on."

"I know, Watty." She didn't know what else to say. How could she tell him she didn't feel quite like herself without Deacon on stage? How could she tell him she felt like everything was just the tiniest bit off without him beside her? She knew it probably hadn't been good for their hearts to have him continue in her band, but she liked having the best around her. "I guess it's just a change. You know how that is."

"I know you don't like it," he concurred. "But you should embrace it, Rayna. It stretches you and takes you to a new place. That's not always bad." He sighed. "And it's good for Deacon too."

She didn't really want to keep talking, and thinking, about Deacon. "Well, I'll look forward to hearing what you think after the show in Chicago," she said. "I always trust your judgement, Watty."

"Looking forward to it."

When she ended the call, she set the phone down on the coffee table. She thought about what Watty said about embracing change. She could see the wisdom in that. She wasn't like Deacon, never wanting anything to be different, but she could see the value of Watty's advice. She needed to stretch and grow and try something different. She promised herself that she'd take that to heart and give this change a better chance. She heard Daphne's babbling on the baby monitor then and, smiling to herself, got up and headed for the stairs.

 **Deacon**

Megan was standing in his kitchen, seasoning some fish. He had never been much of a fish eater, except for fried fish, but she had taught him a lot about new and interesting foods. She loved to cook and loved having the opportunity to have someone to cook for. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, then leaned in to nuzzle her neck. She leaned back into him. "Hey," she said. "This is almost ready to go in the oven."

"I'm sure it will be amazing," he said.

She laughed. "Of course it will."

He breathed in. "I'd like you to meet my daughter."

She stopped and turned slightly in his arms, a look of surprise on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah. We been together for a while now. I think it's time." He sighed. "She'll be home next week and I got her for a few days."

She bit her lip and then disengaged from his arms, moving to put the fish in the oven. Then she turned back to him and leaned against the counter. "This is a big step, Deacon," she said. "And you're sure?"

He nodded and frowned. "You not?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. I'm excited to meet her. But I know there's a lot of…history there."

He breathed in. "Yeah, there is. I guess I should tell you all of it." She nodded. "I guess the short story is that I have a history with Rayna that's long and complicated. But it _is_ history."

She bit her lip and tilted her head slightly to one side. "Is it? I mean, you have a daughter together. So can it really be history?"

He breathed in and rubbed his hands over his face. He wasn't even sure he could really explain it to her in a way that didn't sound like a mess. "Well, the relationship's history. I guess the connection sort of isn't." He looked down for a moment, then back at her. "Rayna and I got married when we were really young. Too young, probably. And I was an alcoholic, a bad one, for a lotta years and it made that whole relationship kinda blow up. We got divorced and it was after that when she got pregnant with Maddie. But the damage was done, on the relationship side." He reached out and rubbed his hand on her arm. "I know that sounds messy. But Rayna's married – to someone else – and she's got another daughter and another life. And I got _this_ life. With you." He smiled a little. "And I want you to know _my_ daughter. 'Cause she's part of my life too."

She stood there and looked at him for a moment. He was afraid of what she might say. But then a smile slowly crossed her face. "I guess we all have messy pasts in some way or another," she said. She stepped towards him, putting her arms around his neck. He put his hand on the small of her back and pulled her closer. "And yes, I'd love to meet your daughter."

* * *

As he drove back across town, with Maddie in the backseat, Deacon looked at her in the rear view mirror. "I got a friend coming over to eat dinner with us tonight, Maddie," he said.

She was looking out the window and turned to look at him, frowning just a little. "A friend?" she asked. "Is it a boy?"

He smiled. "No, it's a girl. A lady. A grown up lady." He raised his eyebrows. "That okay with you?"

She shrugged. "I guess." She sighed then. "Is she spending the night too?"

He nearly choked. "No, baby," he finally got out. "Why would you think that?" He and Megan had agreed that, even though she spent the night at his house most nights, she would not when Maddie was there.

"I don't know," Maddie said. "Because I'm spending the night."

He cleared his throat. "You're the only one spending the night."

"Okay, Daddy," she said, and then she turned to look back out the window.

* * *

Maddie was always cautious around strangers and new people. When Megan arrived, Maddie hid behind his legs and just peeked out at their guest. Deacon watched as his daughter gazed curiously at Megan until she would turn her eyes on Maddie and then the little girl would lower her head shyly. It wasn't until they got ready to make s'mores that Maddie finally seemed to open up.

Megan seemed to understand she needed to take things slowly with Maddie and didn't push herself on the little girl, which he appreciated. She kept up a steady conversation, always referencing Maddie, but seemed to wait to see if Maddie would warm up to her. Megan looked at Deacon after dinner and smiled. "I brought everything for s'mores," she said.

"That sounds great," he said, smiling back at her. Then he looked at Maddie. "What do you think, Maddie?"

Maddie looked at him, her expression a little guarded. "What's some mores?" she asked, her voice quiet and whispery.

"S'mores," he said. He looked at Megan. "What all's in 'em?"

"Well, first we roast marshmallows, then put them in between two graham crackers and chocolate." She smiled at Maddie, who still wasn't looking at her, and then back at him. "I even brought something to roast the marshmallows with." She frowned then. "But what about a fire?"

He frowned. It was too warm for a fire in the house and he didn't have a grill. Then he raised his eyebrows. "Gas stove?" he suggested.

Megan laughed. "As long as we're careful not to let them fall or anything," she said.

Before long they were huddled around the stove. Maddie was standing on a chair with her marshmallow and she watched carefully as Megan demonstrated how to warm them up, letting them get toasty brown on the outside. She had already broken the graham crackers and chocolate so that it was easy to put the s'mores together.

He helped Maddie get her toasted marshmallow onto the graham cracker and chocolate and then they smashed them together the way Megan showed them. When Maddie put the treat in her mouth her eyes got wide. After she swallowed, she smiled. "That was good!" she cried and he watched as she smiled at Megan for the first time, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "More, please!"

* * *

He laid awake in bed after Megan left, thinking back over the evening. The s'mores seemed to be the icebreaker, as after that Maddie became more animated and didn't seem as shy and hesitant around Megan. When he put her to bed, she had hugged his neck and whispered against his cheek, "I like her, Daddy", which had made him smile. He'd felt a sense of relief that it had gone well for Maddie and it had warmed his heart when, after he'd told Megan, he'd seen the hint of tears in her eyes, filled with gratitude. He was beginning to think maybe this relationship thing, and separating himself from Rayna, was a good thing. For all of them.

He was learning to live without her, learning to make a different life than the one he'd had with her. There had been a time when he'd thought it would never be possible, but he wondered if maybe it was Megan who made the difference. Having someone in his life he enjoyed being with, but who was also incredibly grounded, had felt good. He could feel himself start to relax into it. If Rayna could move on, he supposed he could too.

 **Rayna**

She stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair. She wound it into a loose bun on the back of her neck and then frowned, shaking her head. She unwound it and then brushed it all back and put it in a high ponytail. She still frowned, then walked into her closet and looked over the scarves hanging on a rack. She touched several, then pulled down one that was blue, yellow and white. Back in front of the mirror, she put it around her neck and tied it loosely over her blouse. Satisfied, she turned out the light and left the room.

Teddy was in the den. He looked up as she walked in. "Tell me again why you're going to pick up Maddie?" he asked, with the hint of a frown.

She sighed. "I'm going to meet the new girlfriend."

"Who Maddie's already met. And spent time with." He shook his head. "I can't believe you didn't meet her first."

She struggled not to roll her eyes. "I trust Deacon, Teddy," she said. "He waited quite a while before he introduced her to Maddie. And he told me about her. She's a lawyer." She didn't know why she'd said that, other than it made Megan seem more respectable somehow.

Teddy raised his eyebrows. "Well, that makes all the difference then." She tensed at the tone she heard in his voice. "I guess you know best."

She clenched her jaw, but didn't take the bait. "I'll be back," she said, picking up her purse and keys and walking out the door.

* * *

She had a knot in her stomach as she drove across town. She reminded herself it was silly to be nervous. Deacon had already told her that, after some initial shyness, Maddie had warmed up to Megan. _Which is what we want, right?_ She sighed. Of course it was. One thing she had learned, with Deacon not being in her band, was that they both had needed some distance. If they were ever going to figure out how to make all this work, she had to let him go. And she had painfully acknowledged to herself that she had not been able to do that.

She had told him so many times she wanted him to move on, that she wanted him to be happy, and she'd had to admit to herself that she'd really been hoping for…what? That he wouldn't? So now that he had someone in his life he seemed to care about, she wanted to be okay with it. She had considered asking if she could meet Megan first, and sometimes still thought maybe she should have, but what she'd told Teddy was correct. She trusted Deacon. It was something she'd learned over these five years, that she could trust him. She could trust him with Maddie and to make good decisions on her behalf, but mostly she'd learned to trust him on his own merits. She had wondered sometimes if that would ever happen. Yes, she still thought back to those days when they were together, and knew some of his personality would probably never change. He would always be impulsive. He would always pull back, both when he needed to and when she didn't want him to. But she could trust him. And she trusted him about Megan.

* * *

Megan was beautiful, Rayna had to admit, in a somewhat exotic way. She looked delicate, with her long dark hair framing her face that had a sun-kissed look to it. Her almond shaped brown eyes were warm and friendly and Rayna thought she had an ease about her. Maddie had chattered on about the s'mores they'd made and how Megan had let her help fix dinner one night. Rayna had wondered for a moment if Deacon had let Megan stay over, but he had told her he would not, and she believed him.

She acknowledged to herself that she actually liked Megan. She was friendly and warm. She had watched the way Megan looked at Deacon and she could see the other woman was enamored with him. Maybe even already in love with him. The idea of that made her catch her breath a little, but it was only fair. Deacon deserved that.

 _It's a bittersweet feeling. Back when I was sixteen years old and I first met Deacon Claybourne, I thought we'd be together forever. And I suppose, in a way, we are, through our daughter. But today we're living separate lives and it's been harder for me than I thought it would be. I'm happy that he's happy and I hope he feels the same for me, but I still feel an ache, deep inside. I guess I'm still learning how to do this. I'll always love Deacon and I know he'll always love me._

 _And we still have Maddie. As hard and complicated as that can be sometimes, I'm always grateful we have her. It would be easy to lose him, I think, if it weren't for her._

 _I have a good life. Teddy is a good husband and a good father. He came along at a time when I really needed him and it still feels like it's what I need in my life. It just feels bittersweet._

She looked in on Maddie and then sat gently on the bed, watching her daughter sleep. She saw the gentle rise and fall of her breathing and then reached out to run her fingers over the dark strands of hair crossing her pillow. They would be leaving in three days for the last summer leg before Maddie started school. She would adapt to not having her daughter with her all the time, the way she'd had to adapt to Deacon being gone.

She sighed. Then she pushed up from the bed and pulled the covers up a little higher and watched Maddie sleep for just a minute more. Then she walked to the door and, taking one last wistful look back, closed the door behind her.

 **Deacon**

He walked out to his truck, his step a little lighter. Rayna had gotten home the night before, taking a two week tour break before it was time for Maddie to start school. He smiled to himself. His baby girl would be starting kindergarten in two weeks. It was hard for him to believe Maddie was five. He still remembered the first time he held her, in the hospital room the day she was born. She was so tiny and he'd been so afraid he'd drop her or break her. When she'd looked at him with her blue eyes, reaching out her tiny hand towards him, his heart had been forever changed. He loved her with a fierceness he hadn't thought possible. And he couldn't wait to see her now.

He was forever grateful for the opportunity to watch her grow up, be part of her life, see all the changes she went through. He'd actually been there when she took her first steps. He'd seen her first tooth, heard her first word. He hadn't been there for everything she'd gone through or all the firsts, but he was there for her and that was enough. He'd get to be there when she walked into school for the first time too.

He laughed to himself. She was excited about school. Rayna had enrolled her in a private school, which at first he'd thought was pretentious, but it meant she'd be in smaller classes and that she'd be safer. At least that's what Rayna said. She'd be wearing a uniform and she'd been excited about that. She had modeled the clothes for him and he had laughed when she told him they made her a grown up. _Just like you, Daddy._ She definitely was developing her own unique personality.

As he drove, he thought about not being on Rayna's tour and missing some of the day-to-day with Maddie. He admitted to himself that he missed his daughter, but he also acknowledged that it had been the right move to leave. He wished he hadn't left Rayna hanging, at the last minute, but from what he heard Colin was doing a good job. It had felt like a break he'd needed to take, to get some distance and some clarity.

When he did see Rayna, she always asked about Megan. He worked his lip. He liked Megan – a lot – and the time they spent together was great. She loved Maddie and Maddie enjoyed being around her. Megan was fun, interesting, and smart. He always enjoyed his time with her. The sex was very satisfying and he liked having her around. It wasn't an all-in-I-love-you type of relationship yet, but he was beginning to think it could be. Or maybe close. It was still hard to imagine himself in a real relationship with someone else, even Megan. He wondered sometimes what Rayna thought about it.

A _relationship_ – that was what he'd had with Rayna. They _still_ had a relationship. He knew that, deep down in his soul. He would never have the same thing with any other woman. He could have whatever it was she had with Teddy, with someone else, but he knew he'd never feel about another woman the way he'd felt about her.

It was different now, though, whatever this was he had with Rayna. He knew that. It wasn't just because she was married to someone else. It was that she created that family – that whole life – the two of them had always talked about, but with someone else. And she'd kind of put an end to the sentence, between the two of them, when she'd had Daphne. Maddie connected them, in spite of them not being together. It provided a reason for hope, a reason to wait. But when Daphne came along – that put the period on them.

That was why he'd needed time away from her. It was also how he knew Megan was good for him.

* * *

When she answered the door, she had a fussy Daphne on her shoulder. There was a burping towel on her shoulder as well and she had her hair pulled back and looked a little frazzled. But her smile was warm and welcoming. "Hey there," she said. She stepped back so he could come in. He closed the door behind him. She was patting her baby on the back and making little soft cooing noises. She looked back at him. "It's always an adjustment," she said, with a little laugh.

He just nodded.

She walked towards the stairs. "Maddie?" she called out. "Your father's here!" She turned back to him. "She's still getting all her things together." She rolled her eyes and grinned. "And she didn't need my help."

He laughed softly. "Yeah, she's kinda getting independent these days," he said.

She nodded. "Five going on twenty-one, for sure." She turned towards the den. "Why don't we sit down?" He followed her and sat across from her in one of the club chairs. Daphne had settled down then and sat quietly in her lap, looking intently at him.

"The tour still going okay?" he asked.

She nodded, bouncing Daphne gently on her leg. "Yeah. When we go back out it'll be six more weeks and we're done. Right before her birthday." She inclined her head towards Daphne. Then she smiled. "I bookend my tours with little girl birthdays."

He smiled back. "Seems that way."

She looked down at Daphne, then back at him. "How's Megan?" she asked, like she always did.

"Good," he said, like _he_ always did.

She bit her lip a second. "Maddie really likes her," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "She said that?"

Rayna nodded. He thought he detected a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Yeah, she did. Told me she took her on the swings."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess so. Last time y'all was home." He pumped his foot a couple times. "Maddie likes to swing…though." He really wanted to end this line of conversation. Luckily Maddie came running into the room then.

"Daddy! Daddy!" she cried as she ran straight into his arms. He grinned and hugged her tight. "I missed you so much!"

He kissed her on the cheek. "I missed you too, baby girl. So much," he said. It was true, he had. He breathed in, smelling the flowery shampoo smell of her hair, the same shampoo Rayna used. "You ready to go?" he whispered in her ear.

She giggled, his breath tickling her ear. "Yes!" she squealed. She turned to him and gave him a serious look. "Can we have popcorn and movies tonight?"

He nodded. "We can. Just me and you, how 'bout that?" She nodded. He looked at Rayna. "I guess we'll go then," he said. He let Maddie go and got up. He picked up her overnight bag that she'd dropped next to his foot, and then took her hand. "We'll see you in a week?"

Rayna stood up, shifting Daphne to her hip. She nodded and smiled, then leaned down. "Can we have a kiss, Maddie?" she asked. Maddie walked over and kissed Rayna on the lips and then Daphne on her cheek. "Have a good time, sweet girl. And be good."

Maddie looked up at him and swung his hand. "I will. Let's go, Daddy."

When he turned back to look at Rayna, standing there with Daphne, he reminded himself that, while she might be the gold standard for him on relationships, that it was behind him. He was grateful for the time that had helped him understand that.

 **Rayna**

It was mid-morning on New Year's Eve. It was cold outside, so Rayna pulled on a warm sweater over her jeans. She sat down on the bench at the end of the bed and pulled on her boots. She walked to her vanity and brushed her hair, then pulled it back into a ponytail. She went down the stairs and pulled a coat out of the coat closet, putting it on as she walked into the den. Teddy was sitting on the loveseat with Daphne, reading her one of the books they'd given her for Christmas. He looked up as she walked in.

"I'm going to pick up Maddie," she said, as she walked over and sat down on the couch. She reached for one of Daphne's hands and smiled at her baby. "Hey, there, sweet girl," she cooed and then she leaned in to kiss Daphne on the cheek. When she looked back at Teddy, he was frowning.

"I thought he was going to bring her home," he said.

She crossed her arms over her waist. "He was, but I asked if I could come get her. I need to talk to him about a couple things."

He looked angry then. "What things?" he asked.

She took a deep breath, trying not to look away. "This has been a tough year, with a new lead guitar player…."

He rolled his eyes. "Please don't tell me you're going to beg him to come back to your band."

She frowned. "I'm not _begging_ him to do anything, Teddy," she said. "I'm making an offer, which he can accept or decline."

He shook his head. "I don't know why you keep doing this to yourself, Rayna," he said.

She sighed, feeling irritated. "Professionally, he makes me better," she said. "I've told you that before." She narrowed her eyes. "Besides, now he has a girlfriend, so that should make you feel better about everything." She stood up then. "I'll be back." She turned and walked into the kitchen. She picked up her purse and keys and headed out the door.

* * *

She tapped her toe as she waited at the door. The wind had picked up and she could feel the sting on her face. Finally the door opened. Deacon looked a little frazzled and she frowned. "Hey," she said. "You okay? Maddie okay?" He opened the door and she slid in and then looked around. It looked a little bit like a bomb had gone off. She smiled and looked back at him. "What's going on?"

He shook his head. "She's still on a Christmas high," he said. "Although right now she's taking a nap. So I been trying to straighten up and get her stuff together." He pointed to a pile of dolls, games, stuffed animals and boxes, presumably with clothes in them, which was by the front door. "You want me to put this in your car?"

She nodded. "That would be great," she said. "Is that all from you?"

He looked a little sheepish. "Most of it. Megan contributed though."

She nodded but didn't say anything. She hated how much the mention of Deacon's girlfriend Megan still got under her skin. She was perfectly lovely and Maddie seemed to really like her. It was what she'd said she wanted, for Deacon to move on and find someone to build a life with, but the reality of how it had made her feel had taken her by surprise. She knew she had no right to feel uncomfortable or twitchy or jealous, but it hurt. She supposed it was how he had felt about her marriage to Teddy.

After he'd taken everything out, he looked a little uncertain. "Uh, you want me to go wake her up?" he asked. "I mean, she should be up soon, if you can wait, but if you want…."

She shook her head and waved her hand. "No, that's okay. I'd rather not wake her up. We both know how cranky she can be when she's woken up." She smiled knowingly at him and he smiled back. "Actually, it gives me a minute to talk to you about something." She suddenly was nervous and started to fidget with her hands.

He frowned and gestured towards the couch. "You wanna sit?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, yeah, that would be good." She perched on the edge of the couch and he sat down at the other end. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and looked at her. She thought he looked good. He looked happy. She thought that probably meant Megan was good for him and she felt her heart sink a little. But she took a deep breath and made her ask. "So, this has been a tough year," she started. "Professionally, I mean. I, uh, well, my record did well, went platinum" – she smiled and he did as well – "and the tour sold out, but, you know, I really struggled with lead guitar. I mean, Colin is great on the guitar, but not quite what I need as a bandleader." She looked at him but couldn't read anything in his expression. She sighed. "Deacon, I want you to come back. I _need_ you to come back. I know it was hard and all, for you, but…I just need you. Please come back."

He looked surprised. He didn't say anything right way, just worked his lip and looked down at his hands. Finally he looked back at her. "Can you give me a day to get back to you?" he said.

She breathed in. _He needs to ask Megan._ She nodded. "Sure."

 _ **The song Rayna listens to in her music room is 'Tryin' to Love You' by Trisha Yearwood.**_


	18. 2005

**Deacon**

They had stayed in on New Year's Eve. Deacon still didn't feel completely comfortable in situations where alcohol was abundant. Actually, he felt better these days than he had, but he never liked to push it too much. Luckily, Megan was happy to stay in. She had been leaving things at his place over the last several months and he would smile to himself when he'd find her soap or a flatiron in the bathroom. He'd cleaned out a drawer in his dresser for her to put her lingerie and some t-shirts in. He was starting to feel settled.

 _She'd been a little late getting to his house that night and he decided to wait until later in the evening to broach the subject. She'd cooked dinner and she'd just sat back down at the table after serving dessert and coffee. He picked up his fork and then tapped the end of it on the table._

 _She frowned. "You don't like it?" she asked._

 _He looked up at her and shook his head. "No, no, it ain't that," he said. He worked his lip. "I guess I should tell you that, uh, Rayna asked me to come back to her band."_

 _She raised her eyebrows. "Really?" She put her fork down and cleared her throat. "Are you going to?"_

 _He put his fork down and leaned forward. "I need to know what you think about it first."_

 _She nodded thoughtfully, looking away for a moment. Then she looked back at him. "What does it involve?" she asked._

 _He took a deep breath. "Well, studio recording for her album, then tour rehearsal, then the tour."_

" _How long is the tour?"_

" _Starts in May. Runs through the beginning of October."_

 _Her eyes widened and she sat back in her chair. "Wow. So you'll be gone a long time then."_

 _He shook his head, waving his hand. "It ain't just like that. We have days off, weeks off sometimes, when I can get back to Nashville. It ain't like a show every night that whole time." He tried to smile. "You could come out too. Weekends. If you want."_

 _She took a deep breath. "I suppose we could work that out."_

 _He smiled, a little tentatively. "I know I'd be gone more and I don't want to do it if you ain't comfortable with it." He bit his lip. "What do you think?"_

 _She reached across the table and put her hand over his. "I think it sounds like something you can't say no to."_

 _He frowned. "You sure?"_

 _She sighed. "How do you feel about working for Rayna again though?"_

" _It's okay. It's a good gig." He breathed in. "But if you don't want me to, I won't."_

 _She looked at him carefully. "I know I don't know much about the music business and everything you've been involved in, but I've been around you enough now to know that I think performing is what you want to do." She smiled a little shyly. "I'd actually love to see you performing up on a big stage, in front of thousands of adoring fans."_

 _He smiled sheepishly and shook his head. "They ain't adoring me," he said, with a chuckle._

 _She smiled coyly. "Oh, I'm not so sure about that."_

He hadn't been sure what to expect, but he felt a sense of relief that she seemed okay with it. She was right though about the performing piece. He'd missed being on stage. Not just on any stage, but on a big stage. With the bright lights and tens of thousands of fans creating that electricity that energized him. It had been part of his life for so many years and he had felt at loose ends without it. He had breathed out slowly, feeling grateful to her for understanding that.

 **Megan**

She came out of the bathroom and walked over to the bed, sliding under the covers. She turned on her side to face Deacon and he reached out for her, pulling her close. She had wondered whether she should feel more bothered about him going back out on the road with Rayna. It wasn't like exes couldn't work together and she certainly had seen the two of them work together as Maddie's parents. Sometimes he seemed a little tense and distant after he'd seen Rayna, but he'd shrug it off quickly, and so she didn't give it much thought.

Going out on the road together could be different, although he'd explained that they traveled on separate buses and that, unless Maddie was around, he wouldn't see much of her except when they were at sound check or on stage. He'd seemed eager for her to come out on the road with him when she could and so she decided she was okay with it. She had definitely seen him light up when he talked to her about his life as a bandleader. She wanted him to be happy and if this made him happy, it made her happy.

She stopped thinking about it though because he was doing something to her with his lips and fingers that was driving her crazy and she really just wanted to focus on the blissfully exquisite feelings that was stirring up inside her. "Oh, yes," she whispered, and then she heard herself moan. "Oh, please keep doing that."

 **Rayna**

She took a deep breath when she looked at her phone and saw it was Deacon calling. "Hey," she said, when she answered.

"Hey." He paused. "So I wanted to get back to you. About your offer." She held her breath. "I'm in."

She breathed out and smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah."

She ran her tongue over her lower lip. "So, uh, Megan was okay with it?"

"Yeah, she's good."

For a second she wanted to cry, but she breathed in. "Great. I'm really glad you're coming back." She paused. "Thanks, Deacon."

"Thank _you_ , Rayna." The silence then felt a little awkward. "I'll be talking to you then," he said, finally, and hung up.

She put the phone down and closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply. She was aware of the fluttering of her heart, but she forced herself to keep breathing until the feeling went away.

 **Coleman**

Cole set his mug down hard on the table. _So, Rayna asked me to come back to her band._ He felt sure he hadn't heard that right. He frowned at Deacon, who was sitting across the table, looking out the window and not at him. "But you told her no, right?" he asked.

Deacon looked back at him. "I told her I would," he said.

Cole looked down and shook his head. "Why are you doing this, Deacon?" he asked. "Being away from all that, it was good for you."

Deacon looked a little mulish. "Yeah, it was. And now I can go back." He worked his lip. "She needs me."

Cole laughed sharply. "She needs you. Damn it, Deacon, that's just like a siren call to you."

Deacon frowned. "It's a good, solid job, Cole. And one I do really, really well," he said, tersely.

"So what does all this mean? You gonna let her fill your mind with all kinds of expectations and hopes and unfulfilled promises? She pulls you in and you let her and then what?"

"Then nothing, Cole. It's just a damn job. It ain't nothing else."

Cole raised his eyebrows. "Seriously? That what you're telling yourself?" Deacon looked away. "So it's not to spend time with Rayna?" Deacon clenched his jaw. "What about Megan? You've got a good thing with her and you want to throw it all away for Rayna?"

Deacon looked at him and scowled. "It ain't like that. Me and Megan are good."

"Really? And what does she think about you going back out on the road with your ex-wife?"

"It ain't a big deal, Cole," Deacon said, his eyes flashing with anger. "She gets it. It's just a job."

Cole shook his head. "It's not just a job, Deacon, and we both know it." He leaned forward. "You know Rayna's like family to me, but she's been nothing but trouble for you from the beginning."

Deacon shook his head. "That's crazy, Cole."

"Right. Crazy." He paused. "First drink always tastes good going down."

Deacon slammed his fist on the table. "Don't talk about her like she's an addiction. It ain't like that at all. We're…friends. And Maddie's parents. That's all."

Cole breathed in. "I'm just wondering if that's how Megan's gonna see this in the end. Are you willing to blow up your whole life for this?" Deacon turned away. "Just think about it. The two of you have a powerful history. Are you sure you can really move past that?"

 **Deacon**

He set his duffle on the bed and started to throw clothes into it. Even though it had only been a year since he'd been on the road, he found himself a little bit at a loss as to what to bring. He didn't really need much, but he'd lost the rhythm a bit. Which made him wonder how long it would take to get it back. Being off the road for a year – and not because he was in rehab, or something – had been good. When Watty had suggested it a few years earlier, he'd scoffed, but it had helped him gain some perspective.

Even though he'd stayed busy, writing and doing session work, he'd missed the creative aspect of being part of something. Coming back to Rayna's band this time hadn't felt as awkward as it had the first time. Maybe because a lot of things had changed, for both of them, but he'd felt more at ease. Maddie would only be traveling with Rayna during the summer now, but it felt like they didn't need her to be that connection point between them anymore. It was probably not being in Rayna's orbit full-time, but he felt like he'd gained that space both Cole and Watty seemed to think he needed.

Cole's words still rung in his ears. _You gonna let her fill your mind with all kinds of expectations and hopes and unfulfilled promises? She pulls you in and you let her and then what?_ He took a deep breath. He understood the boundaries. He was better prepared to honor them this time. He would prove Cole wrong.

He finally got his duffle packed. He slung it over his shoulder, along with his messenger bag, and picking up his guitar, walked out his front door.

* * *

He was tossing his bag in the cargo hold when Rayna walked up to him. She had Daphne on her hip and she smiled, squinting her eyes against the sun. "So, are you ready to get back to the grind again?" she asked.

He smiled back at her. "I was thinking that same thing myself while I was trying to remember what to pack," he said. "And yeah, I'm ready." Daphne reached her hand out to him, much like he remembered Maddie doing at the same age. He smiled at the little girl, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. She was a pretty little girl. The light reddish-blonde hair she'd been born with had gone all blonde, but she still had her sparkling blue eyes and her sunny personality. He nodded towards Daphne. "She do okay on the road?"

Rayna nodded. "She does." She rolled her eyes. "Maddie, however, was livid to be left behind."

He smiled. "I'm sure she was. She'll get over it though." He took a deep breath. "I should get on the bus."

Rayna breathed in. "Thanks for coming back, Deacon," she said. "I'm looking forward to doing this with you again." She turned to walk to her bus, then turned back. "I'm looking forward to Megan coming out too. Don't forget to let me know, so I can make sure we have a pass for her."

He nodded and gave her a tight smile. "I'll let you know," he said, and then he turned and walked to the bus, not looking back.

* * *

They were starting the tour in the Northeast and were headed to Boston, so Deacon settled in for a long ride. Rayna had gotten a brand new bus, with that upgraded artists' suite she'd always wanted, and had given her old bus to her band. He'd been given the old artists' suite on the bus, and he laid back against the pillows. Megan would be coming out in three weeks. It wasn't that she and Rayna had never met, of course, but it would be different, having Megan around for those few days. He closed his eyes.

He had appreciated Megan being supportive of him doing this. It would change the relationship, for sure, with him not being in town all the time. And he did think of this as a relationship now. She had slowly, but surely, filled up the empty space in his life and he'd felt happier and more content than he'd felt in a very long time. Years, actually. It had made him realize that the years he'd spent picking up women at an after party or behind an arena were empty years, years that had kept him burning the fires for Rayna instead of moving on with his life.

The truth was, though, that when Rayna had asked him to come back, he'd felt a sense of relief. He _wanted_ to be back in her band. He had missed it.

He had missed _her_.

 **Rayna**

She thought back to the day Cole had come to see her. Daphne had an earache that day and was cranky and fussy. She felt frustrated and out of sorts as she tried to calm her daughter. She was grateful that it was Deacon's week to have Maddie, so that she at least didn't have to deal with her older daughter as well.

 _When the knock came on the door, she groaned. "Who the hell is coming to visit?" she said out loud to herself. She looked sharply at Daphne when she realized she'd cursed, but Daphne was mewling and hiccupping on her shoulder. She sighed and went to the door, surprised to see Cole. "Hey," she said._

 _He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry to come unannounced. This a bad time?" he asked._

 _She sighed, glancing pointedly at Daphne. "Well, it's not a great time, but come on in." She stepped back to let him in. "She's fussy all the time right now, for one reason or another, so there's probably never a good time." She smiled wearily. "What's up?"_

 _He looked a little uncomfortable. "I wanted to talk to you about Deacon," he said._

 _She frowned. "Deacon? What about Deacon?" She made a face. She'd heard enough from Teddy and Tandy about Deacon. She didn't need it from Coleman too. "Let me put her down, okay?" Without waiting for him to respond, she walked into the den and put Daphne in the pack-and-play. Then she walked back to the kitchen. She raised her eyebrows. "Iced tea?" she asked._

 _He shook his head. "No, no thanks." He sighed. "Deacon told me you asked him to come back to your band."_

 _She nodded. "Yes, I did. And he agreed."_

" _I'm probably overstepping a little bit here, but as his sponsor – and his friend – I really wish you'd reconsider. This past year has been good for him, in a lot of ways. He's worked hard at staying sober and he's had a chance to find his own way, without all the heavy history weighing on him. If he comes back, he's got to take that all back on."_

 _She looked at him for a minute, then took a deep breath. "First of all, yeah, I think you are overstepping. I appreciate that you're looking out for him, Cole, but Deacon can make his own decisions. I need him, professionally. He's the best guitarist in town and he's wasted doing session work. I think the only reason he didn't hook up with another tour was Maddie. Wanting to be here when she was here. You know, him being on tour with me solves a lot of problems for both of us. He gets to spend time with Maddie when she's not in school and I get my bandleader back."_

 _He raised his eyebrows. "Except that you know what his feelings are for you, Rayna. And you know what a slippery slope that is for him."_

 _She rolled her eyes. "He knows the boundaries, Cole. Nothing about that has changed. And if he gets extra time with our daughter, what could possibly be the harm in that?"_

" _I don't think this is just about Maddie. And you know the hold you have on him."_

 _She scowled. "I don't have a 'hold' on him. I'm married, Cole, and perfectly happy with my husband and my family. Deacon knows that. I'm not interested in him in any way other than as a contributing member of my band. The fact that he and I understand each other musically better than anyone else I've ever worked with just makes the whole partnership better. It's good for me and it's good for him." She waved her hand in the air. "Besides, he has a girlfriend. He's moved on too." Daphne started fussing again and she glanced in that direction before focusing her attention back on Cole._

" _Just think about it, Rayna. He's done well. You and I both know that. And I want that to continue, and I'm sure you do too. This just puts him back into that quicksand of y'all's history."_

 _She breathed in and out. "Look, I hear you. And I promise you that this was a professional offer. But whether he's in my band or not, we still have a child together and we still have to function together as her parents. Which we have been doing. This makes that part easier." She held her hand up when it looked like Cole was going to say something. "I appreciate your concern, Cole." She gestured towards the den. "And now, if you don't mind, I have a baby to tend to." He looked at her and then sighed. He turned and walked to the door. She followed him. "Thanks for stopping by," she said, and then, when he walked out, she closed the door behind him._

She was clear about her relationship with Deacon. She thought he was too. She wasn't so blind that she didn't understand the dynamics of a formerly married couple working together. It wasn't as though they hadn't already done it. But their issues had been around his drinking, not about how they felt for each other. Now that the drinking seemed to be under control, it made everything easier. But, while she acknowledged to herself that she still had strong feelings for him and about him, she still was wary.

She felt comfortable handling the professional side of being around Deacon. It was business and they had only dabbled the one time into the creative side of their relationship, when they'd written 'Changing Ground'. She didn't know if they'd do that again or how often, but they had fashioned something that worked between them on stage. She could see it already, as they were starting preparations for the album and the tour.

The personal side, that's where she sometimes had to put all those complicated feelings into a tight little box. Every time she thought about how things might be, she reminded herself that he was still just one bad day from taking that first drink. And she was also reminded of Cole's warning to her, back before she and Deacon were divorced, about the fact that Deacon found it harder to stay well when she was there to prop him up. _You need to let him go, Rayna. I truly believe that's the only way he's going to get better._ She had agreed then and, even now, when her resistance frayed a little, she reminded herself of the pain and loss she'd felt those last few years. It just wasn't worth the uncertainty.

 **Teddy**

Teddy was pissed that Rayna asked Deacon back. One thing he'd learned, though, was that if he argued with her too much – about anything – she would shut down. She'd get that look on her face that said she was no longer listening and her short, clipped answers would indicate that she'd reached her limit. He didn't know how to get through to her, when she got to that point, which probably _was_ the point. That's when he'd learned to stop.

She had gotten to that point quickly this time. _I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore, Teddy._ And she wouldn't.

He didn't like it though. He hadn't liked it before. He didn't trust Deacon and he never believed the other man was in her band just to be around Maddie. He knew it was to be around Rayna. He'd breathed a sigh of relief when Deacon had abruptly quit, right after Daphne was born, and it had made his life easier, even if Rayna had been more out-of-sorts than before. But now he was back. And without Maddie as a buffer all the time, he really wondered what Deacon's motivations were.

Of course, if he were being honest, he wondered what Rayna's motivations were too.

 **Rayna**

She wasn't sure how she was going to feel, seeing Deacon with Megan during the tour. It was different, the few times she'd seen her back in Nashville. Most of the time Deacon picked up and dropped off Maddie, so it was only during the occasional time she did the transporting that she might see Megan. She seemed nice, was pretty and friendly. She wasn't always around when Deacon had Maddie, but when she was, Maddie always chattered happily about her. She supposed it could have been worse, that Maddie could have hated her or that Megan could have resented Maddie.

Over time, it had stopped being such a shock to her system whenever Megan came to visit Deacon. She had almost felt like a voyeur, though, the first few times, when she would watch them lean in together to talk or when Deacon would put his arm around her protectively. She would watch them out of the corner of her eye as they would walk up to the stage, holding hands or their arms around each other. She stopped feeling that little twinge of _something_ when she'd see him lean in and say something in Megan's ear and then Megan would smile or laugh. The only thing that hadn't completely gone away was the tiniest ache in her heart when she'd see him kiss her.

Megan was good for him though. She could see that so clearly. The fact that it had taken her any time at all to get over it had surprised her a little. She had been the one to set boundaries and remind Deacon of them frequently. She had worked hard to put her feelings in a tight little box, except for that one night, and so she'd been surprised to feel what she could only describe to herself as jealousy towards the other woman.

She'd gotten used to the change and had found herself relaxing more with Deacon. She thought he felt the same. The little bit of tension that had always been there before seemed to dissipate. He seemed more at ease, even when Megan wasn't around. She had to admit it was what she'd hoped for, the kind of relationship she had wanted them to fall into.

She still watched them though. Couldn't make herself stop.

 **Megan**

In the beginning, when it was just band rehearsals and studio time, nothing much changed. Because Rayna was a mom, she didn't like staying out too late, so Deacon still came home for dinner and they still had most nights to themselves, when he didn't have Maddie. But once he went out on the road, she missed him.

Over time, she'd ended up staying at his house most of the time. With him gone, she'd gone back to her apartment. They talked most nights and she could tell he was excited about being back out on the road. She wasn't the jealous type or the type who spent her time wondering about what ifs. She was too pragmatic for that and she tended to deal in facts.

When she visited him on the road, though, he seemed different somehow. He was always the gentleman, making sure she had a good place to stand, looking over at her during a show, tending to her needs in the hotels they stayed in. It was a very different life than the one she lived. It was a different life even from the one they'd shared before he started touring. And for the first time she found herself watching the dynamic between him and Rayna. She watched the interplay on the stage, the way they looked at each other, the way Rayna would lay her hand on his shoulder as she sang, and the way he harmonized back to her.

She noticed how Rayna watched her, trying to not be obvious about it. And she also noticed how Deacon was always just the slightest bit uncomfortable when Rayna was around them. It was probably the hardest choice she'd ever had to make. She was falling in love with him. It was hard not to. He was genuine and caring and sexy as hell. Watching him with his daughter melted her heart a thousand times over. She loved watching the two of them together and it turned out to be the thing that made her realize how connected he and Rayna were, and would always be. Whenever she saw the two of them together with their daughter, she found herself wondering how they ever managed to stay apart.

She waited until he came home for a break, the last one before the tour was over. She took his hands in hers and told him gently that she didn't think she was cut out for this kind of life. She didn't think she was up for taking on the ghost of his past relationship. _I don't think you're really over her, Deacon. I know you say you are, but, you know, she's your ex-wife and you have a child together. That's a big connection and a lot of history._ He had looked distraught and swore to her that he really was over Rayna, kept telling her how much she'd turned his life around, but she could see it in his eyes.

She thought she'd probably always miss him, but someone with connections in the music industry had told her that their worlds were probably too different. _Do you really think he's in it for the long haul? These musicians are cut from a different cloth, Megan. He'll probably never understand your life the way someone else would._ It wasn't like it didn't hurt, but she thought maybe her friend was right. It made her wonder if she'd made the right call when she'd told him he should do this. It felt like her heart was being squeezed in a vise. But the truth was, he wasn't made to stay put and she wasn't made to be waiting on him.

And so, not without a tremendous amount of regret, she let him go.

 **Deacon**

As he walked down the aisle of the bus, he caught sight of Rayna, standing in the parking lot. He stopped. She was wearing her usual bus outfit – a t-shirt, well-worn jeans, and her favorite boots. She'd pulled her hair into a side ponytail. Daphne was on her hip and they were looking off towards something out of sight. He thought it was probably Teddy and Maddie.

He took a deep breath. His collar was still damp from the tears Maddie had shed as she'd hugged his neck and buried her face against his cheek. Truth be told, her tears had mixed with his own, some of which were for his daughter and some of which were for the end of the relationship with Megan. It had hurt more than he'd expected it to. But he was grateful for the distraction of the tour.

He turned his attention back to Rayna. She was still standing there, a hand raised shoulder height in a wave. He breathed out and continued to walk to the back of the bus.

 **Rayna**

After Teddy and Maddie drove off, Rayna got on her bus. She settled Daphne into a car seat and then sat at one of the tables, gazing out the window. It never got easy, leaving Nashville. As much as she loved the excitement of being on stage and performing for an audience, it was always bittersweet to leave. Especially now that she was leaving Maddie behind.

"Mama! Mama!" Daphne cried, and Rayna turned to look. She saw Daphne trying to reach over for a toy that had fallen to the floor. Rayna picked it up and handed it back to her daughter, who settled back in.

She turned back to the window and saw the bus ahead pulling out. Deacon's bus. She felt the butterflies, like she always did, but took a deep breath and they stopped. She was glad he was back. For so many reasons.

 **Deacon**

He propped his feet up on the seat in front of him, slumping just slightly down in the seat. He linked his fingers together over his chest and looked down at the stage, thinking about how the tour had gone. The music part had been easy. It had always been the easy part. When he'd come back to her band after she had Maddie it had been the same. He considered that the music part of their lives, save for the songwriting, was the least complicated part of their lives together. Even if they had nothing else, they had the music.

He hadn't been sure what to expect when he came back this time. He'd surprised himself a little when he'd said yes when she asked. It had been a little bit like a sigh of relief, like he was back home. It was different this time, though. Maddie was only with them during the summer and Rayna had her new baby, Daphne, to occupy her time. It didn't make sense for him to hang out with her and Teddy's daughter when Maddie wasn't around, so he hadn't.

On stage, they hadn't missed a beat. He'd picked up on her new songs quickly. Standing behind her on stage felt natural. Harmonizing with her was smooth. He thought about the day the two of them had sat in the studio and listened to the instrumental scratch tracks for her next album, with Colin on lead guitar. She kept telling him she could hear the differences and she wanted to rerecord them. He wasn't sure it mattered, but when she laid down her vocal tracks and he recorded a separate instrumental track, he realized she was right. He could hear it as clearly as she did. He understood then why she'd said she'd felt off.

One of the things he'd learned, in the year off, was that he had to reconcile what he still felt for her with her new life. He sensed that her feelings for him were still there, but she was fully committed to her marriage and life with Teddy, and he knew he needed to respect that. He'd had Megan then too and that had meant he could approach things differently this time. He could give her music and he could give her friendship and he felt like that would be their foundation. For now.

For some reason, though, he'd had a hard time just telling her he and Megan had broken up. Some of it was because he actually missed Megan. He'd gotten comfortable with her and he'd missed her when he was on the road and felt happier when she was there with him. Rayna had asked him though, about Megan coming out, like always. Their romantic lives had always seemed to be off the table, as far as discussion was concerned, at least private details. And so he'd hesitated about telling her he and Megan were over, not knowing why he was unwilling to just tell her the truth. But the only thing he'd ever lied to her about was drinking, so he'd finally come clean.

 _They were in Atlanta. "So, will Megan come down this weekend?" Rayna asked. "Since it's so close and all."_

 _He looked at her. She'd always seemed so awkward about Megan, like she was trying too hard. She'd told him, over and over, that she wanted him to move on and be happy, but it always seemed like she wasn't being herself. She would tell him how much she liked Megan and how glad she was he'd found her, but he knew her so well and her words always sounded forced. But he would shrug it off and let it go. Being with Megan had felt comfortable and he had actually let himself relax into that relationship. "She ain't coming," he said._

 _Rayna frowned. "That's too bad, with it so close. I know she always likes seeing you in action. I hope she doesn't feel like she's in the way, or something."_

 _He sighed. "We broke up, Rayna," he said, his voice flat. "So she ain't coming."_

 _She looked surprised. "What? When? Deacon, I'm so sorry…."_

 _He waved her off. "It ain't nothing, Rayna. And I don't wanna talk about it." He gave her a hard stare and she opened her mouth as though she were going to say something. Then she seemed to think better of it and just nodded and walked away._

She never asked him about it again. Never probed to find out what happened. He thought about it later and realized that, instead of raising her walls, it had seemed to make her relax more somehow. She was still fully in control of the boundaries, but there was an ease between them that hadn't been there while he was dating Megan. He considered what that might mean, but finally decided to just leave it be. Things were good between them and that was what mattered.

He gazed out over the stage, far below him. He could see roadies scurrying around, getting things ready. He was glad to be back on the road. It helped to stay busy and he was doing something he loved. It kept his mind off personal things and he found himself moving past the breakup.

He heard footsteps then and fixed his gaze over at the entrance to his section. His heart started beating faster when he saw her red-gold hair appear.

 **Rayna**

Rayna got off the elevator and crossed paths with Bucky as she was walking through the lobby. "Hey, Buck," she said, with a smile.

"Hey," he said. "Where you headed off to?"

"You know. Sitting in the nosebleeds."

He looked at his watch. "That late already?" He shook his head with a sheepish smile. "I'm a little behind today. Maybe it's the time change."

She chuckled softly. "That could be it. So, listen, I'm gonna go do that and then probably come back by to check on Daphne. What time is my car picking me up?"

"Six. You'll have sound check and then the glam squad will be there to get you ready."

She nodded, thinking for a second. "Can you call Mary and ask her to switch out the first outfit? I want to wear that new dress, the one with the sunflowers on it." She grinned playfully. "It has just my level of bling. It's my favorite new stage outfit, I think."

He smiled. "On it." He waved and headed for the elevators. "See you later."

"Thanks, Buck!" she called after him as she headed for the lobby door. Bucky was a good sport. He had no idea about performance clothes, but he'd take care of it anyway. She smiled to herself as she walked out onto the street and the bellman hailed a cab for her.

* * *

She rounded the corner and saw Deacon was already there. She smiled and then walked up the steps to his row, heading down to sit next to him. He smiled back at her as she sat down. They sat in companionable silence for a bit, while they looked towards the stage. She finally broke the silence. "Do you remember the first time we did this?" she asked. She turned to look at him.

He looked back at her and nodded. "I do remember. We were in Dallas, on that George Strait tour. Biggest place we ever played in."

She grinned. "Way bigger than anywhere we'd ever played. I was terrified. It wasn't just hundreds of people, it was thousands."

"Tens of thousands." He smiled back at her. "I remember your hands was shaking. You looked all pale. I thought you were gonna pass out."

She laughed. "I did too," she said. "But you know, it was really the first time I actually thought I was gonna make it." She tapped his arm. "You really helped me that day though, you know? You were so calm, keeping _me_ calm."

He threw his head back and laughed. "I wasn't calm neither," he said. "I'm glad you thought so though." He shook his head with amusement. "You still gotta have a cigarette before you go on stage."

She smirked. "I don't even know when that started."

He raised his eyebrows. "I do. It was way back, when we was just starting out, when we did that show at the Station Inn. That rowdy crowd kinda freaked you out."

She swatted his arm and frowned playfully. "I was _not_ freaked out," she cried.

He grinned. "Seriously? That why you kept hanging onto my arm like you thought a snake was gonna bite you, just walking through the parking lot?"

She threw her arms up in the air. "We weren't a bluegrass act, Deacon. For all I knew, they'd run us off the stage."

He laughed. "I just remember you kept after me for a cigarette and when I finally got you one, you didn't even smoke it."

"I _never_ smoke it. I just like to hold it. It calms me down. You know that."

He grinned. "What I know is that I had to have cigarettes every show." His eyes twinkled. "Still do."

She smiled at him fondly. "We've gone through a lot together, haven't we? We know each other so well." The smile faded from his face as he looked at her a little apprehensively. She bit her lip. "We've had a lot of good times, Deacon. Great times. I wouldn't have done anything differently."

He raised his eyebrows. "Anything?"

She shrugged and looked down at the stage. "Life is funny, you know? Sometimes some of the hardest things we do turn out to be for the best." She looked back at him, feeling a little sad, but also grateful. "Things that we think will bury us make us stronger."

He breathed in and nodded. "I guess."

She turned slightly towards him. "I hope you don't think any of that was easy for me, Deacon," she said. "It was really the hardest thing I ever did. I cried about it every day for so long after that. It was not what I wanted."

He looked at her then and she saw the sadness on his face. "I know. I didn't give you no choice." He breathed out. "It's good we can be…friends."

She nodded. "It is. And parents together." She reached out and put her hand over his. "I'm glad Maddie has kept us close. And that we can still do this together, make music." She sighed. "We still make beautiful music together."

He smiled just a little. "Yeah, we do."

She smiled back at him. "I'm glad you're back. I know I've said this probably a million times, but I just can't imagine not doing this with you." She slid her hand into his. "We've grown up together, Deacon. We were really just kids back in the beginning." She made a face. "At least, _I_ was. But we went through all of this together. And we still are. I can't imagine doing any of this if you weren't right there by my side." She breathed out. "I know things are really different now. We're not together romantically anymore, but we're still family. I've got two girls now and that changes so many things. But, in the end, the music is still there. As long as the music is there, we'll be okay. I believe that."

He looked at her for a long moment, then squeezed her hand and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "I believe it too, Ray," he said quietly. Then he let go of her hand and got up, walking down the row in the other direction and leaving her sitting there, watching him go.

 **Deacon**

They met for breakfast. It was the last week of the tour and they were in Baltimore. They would head to Richmond, then Raleigh, and finally to Charlotte, before heading back to Nashville. Bucky walked through the details for the evening and they discussed the set list. Rayna didn't want any changes, which wasn't surprising. After breakfast, Bucky hurried off to take some calls. As they walked out of the restaurant, Rayna looked at Deacon. "You wanna walk?" she asked.

He had nothing else going on. "Sure," he said, nodding. They headed out of the hotel and onto the street. They were staying near the harbor and walked until they found a place to sit. They just sat together for a bit, not talking. The weather was pleasant, just the merest hint of fall in the air. It would still feel like summer when they got back to Nashville, so this was nice.

"So, how did it feel being back out on the road?" she asked.

He looked over at her. "Like I didn't miss a beat," he said, with a smile.

"Are you glad you came back?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm doing what I like to do. It's good."

She bit her lip. "I feel like it messed up your life, though. I didn't mean for that to happen."

He'd never really talked to her about what happened with Megan, but he wasn't surprised she'd figured it out. She knew him so well, just like he knew her. Or thought he knew her. Sometimes, these days, he wasn't as sure. A lot had changed, for both of them. "It ain't nothing, Ray." He sighed. "I'm a musician, I need to perform. Doing session work, well, it's okay and I stayed busy, but ain't nothing like being in front of a crowd, feeding off them. I mean, you know that."

She smiled a little. "Yeah, I do." She took a deep breath. "I just feel so alive on stage. It's like home."

He thought about that. He wondered about the underlying meaning to that, but decided not to overthink it. He looked over at her. "You sure are at home up there."

"Thanks." She breathed in and wrapped her arms around her waist. "You know, Colin was a really good lead guitar player. Almost as good as you." She looked at him and smiled slyly. "But it always felt like it was off just a beat. Not so that anyone listening would notice. Except me. You and I just work so well together." She sighed. "I worried about it. Not the performing part, but, you know, because we have such a history. And we have Maddie. I was afraid it would blur the lines too much. But I think we've made it work." She looked at him again. "And I hope you'll stay this time."

He gave her a small smile and nodded, then looked out over the water. "I will," he said. They sat in silence for a few minutes and then he turned to look at her. She looked at him. "Maybe things are better this way. Maybe we're better together this way." He never thought he'd say those words.

"Do you believe that?"

He breathed out. "I gotta believe it," he said. "I don't think there's no other way." He saw something on her face, in her eyes, but it was gone in a second. The truth was, he didn't know that things were better. He would rather have had her in his life, fully. Even with all the pain, knowing she was his and he was hers had made his life better. So, no, he didn't really believe it was better, but he knew she needed it to be.

He'd do it for her.

 **Rayna**

Deacon was tossing his gear in the cargo hold of the band bus when Rayna walked out of the hotel with Daphne. "Deacon!" she called out and he turned. When he saw it was her, he headed towards her.

"Hey, Ray," he said. He reached out and grabbed one of Daphne's hands and squeezed it, smiling at the little girl. "Hey there, sweet girl."

"Hey!" Daphne cried and then squealed with laughter. Rayna smiled down at her daughter. Turned out she loved Deacon every bit as much as Maddie did. She looked back at him and smiled. "Why don't you ride with us?" she asked. He looked surprised. "I've, uh, I've got a little bit of a song I've been playing with. I thought you might look at it and, you know, maybe make some suggestions."

He raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

She shrugged. "It's something I was thinking about in relation to the girls. Kind of a play off something my own mom used to say to Tandy and me."

He nodded. "Sure. Be happy to."

She smiled. "Great." Then she turned towards her bus and he fell in step next to her.

Once she got Daphne settled and occupied, she rifled through her bag and pulled out her song notebook. She slid into the banquette seat on the other side of the table from Deacon and flipped through the pages. When she found what she was looking for, she slid it across the table, pointing at the words. "I think this is the chorus, or part of the chorus," she said. She watched as he pulled it closer and read through it.

He looked up. "Tell me the story," he said.

She sat back, her palms flat on the table. "Well, Mom would take Tandy and me out to the river on nice days. She had some land out there, passed down through her family, that had never been developed. Never _would_ be developed, that's in the deed. Anyway, we would sit out there and sing and talk and just enjoy being together." She smiled to herself as she recalled those days, so long ago now that sometimes she wondered if her memories were real or if she'd somehow imagined them. "She told us we could do anything, be anything we wanted. That we could go anywhere we wanted and not to ever be afraid."

He smiled. "Sounds like something you learned from her then," he said.

"She just wanted us to be anything we wanted and really experience life to the fullest. Growing up like we did could mean following all these rules and doing things a certain way. I know you probably think growing up in Belle Meade was all magic and good times, but it wasn't. There were so many times when I can remember Daddy saying to one of us that we needed to watch our manners or behave a certain way, because – she lowered her voice then – "'that's how we do things in Belle Meade'." She rolled her eyes. "Like there was some code we were supposed to follow, or something." She sighed. "I don't ever want my girls to feel like they have to live by certain rules or do things they don't want to because someone tells them it's proper. You know?"

He nodded. "You ain't never done nothing you didn't want to, Rayna. Least not as long as I've known you," he said. "I know you'll raise up the girls like that."

She sighed. "You want Maddie to follow her dreams, don't you?"

"'Course I do." He smirked. "But I think she'll do whatever she wants anyway. She's kinda got her own mind."

She laughed a little. "Yeah, that kind of scares me a bit. That girl sure does have an independent streak."

He patted the notebook. "So, what do you want to do here?"

She clenched her hands together on the table in front of her and leaned forward. "Well, like I said, I think this might work as a chorus." She pointed and watched as he read through the words again. She'd worked on them so much, she knew them by heart.

 _I wanna ride with the windows down / Feeling the wind with my arms stretched out / I've got a feeling / Nothing can stop me now_

 _Oh I could go anywhere from here / I'm having no doubts, I've got no fear / The runway is wide open / And the sky is clear / Oh I could go anywhere / Anywhere from here_

He looked up. "I think you're right. Maybe even a double chorus."

She nodded. "Yeah, I thought so too. So, will you help me with verses?"

He bit his lip. "Yeah, I can do that."

* * *

About the time they'd finished the song, Daphne needed a nap. She and Deacon had moved to the bench, where he could use his guitar to help her with the music. He had coaxed the words out of her, making sure they were all hers, just lending help on the music. She liked what they'd ended up with and it had felt good writing with him again. She still wasn't sure they could do it on a regular basis, but she thought maybe once in a while.

She smiled. "Thanks for helping me," she said.

He smiled, a little sadly. "Anytime."

The air between them seemed heavy and charged and she struggled to breathe in. "So, Daphne really needs a nap and, well, she won't sleep unless I lay down with her," she said.

He nodded. "Sure, that's fine."

"You don't mind sitting out here by yourself?"

He shook his head. "I can work on my own music," he said, and she nodded.

She finally pushed herself up and went to get Daphne, taking her back to her suite. As she lay there, with Daphne curled up against her side, she thought about Deacon sitting outside the door on her bus. Now that they were headed back to Nashville, things would go back to normal. She'd be at home with Teddy and the girls. Deacon would come every other week to pick up Maddie. Their lives would be separate and yet not. She thought about the whole idea that they were better together this way. She knew she'd never regret having a life with him, but maybe it was just all too heavy. Too… _something_.

They were learning to be friends. And while it might not have been where she thought they'd be at this stage of their lives, it was finally starting to feel… _normal_. Whatever normal was.


	19. 2006

**Rayna**

 _Maddie's seventh birthday is tomorrow, which means we'll be leaving to start the tour in less than a week. This will be the second year she will stay behind, although we'll have her for the summer. I'll still miss her like crazy, I know._

 _She'll stay with Deacon for a few days before we leave and she really loves doing that. I think she has him wrapped around her little finger, but I also know he lets her. I do love seeing them together. I love how much he loves her and how hard he's worked to be able to stay present in her life. Every time I see the two of them together I think about how we created that beautiful little being together. Maybe it wasn't the best of situations, but would I ever want it to be different? I know the answer to that is no. No matter how painful that time was, our daughter came from it and she was truly the best thing he ever gave me. And I believe she's the best thing I ever gave him. It's like she's our music, his and mine together._

 _When I look in her eyes, I see him staring back, his eyes, his soul. I see us. And I'm so grateful he's been able to be strong enough to be a father to her. I'm glad for her that she has him in her life. He's been there for everything. Her first steps, her first words, her first day of school. He's soothed her when she was afraid or when she was sad. He's wiped away her tears and he's tucked her in at night. He's held her while she slept and helped her tie her shoes and stood with her on the stage in a big arena._

 _I love how his face lights up when he sees her. The way he used to look at me. The way he still does when he thinks I'm not looking._

 _Someday I need to tell him how hard it was for me to leave him. It's still hard. But every time I think about it, every time I wonder about what could be…. I just don't know that I could do it. I don't know if I could hurt Teddy that way. Or the girls. Blow up our family. Cole always told me an alcoholic was just one disappointment away from drinking again and I guess that holds me back the most. When I really think about it, all I can think about is the pain, and I don't think I can do that to myself again. Or to my girls. I'm not strong enough, not brave enough._

 _I'm just grateful to have him by my side this way. It's got to be enough._

 **Deacon**

He'd shown up to the party with the small guitar case with a ribbon tied to it. Maddie had long outgrown the ukulele he'd given her when she was four and he'd bought her an inexpensive youth guitar for her seventh birthday. In a couple years he would get her a real guitar, depending on her continued interest, but this one would work for her now. She had been thrilled.

He stood a little apart from the rest, now that Maddie had opened her gifts and everyone had had cake and ice cream. This was always the part of the party where he felt out of place. He didn't run in the same circles as the parents of Maddie's friends and he suspected that his presence was awkward for everyone except Rayna. But he wanted to be there for Maddie and she was always so happy to have him there.

"Hey." He turned when he heard her voice, coming from behind him. He breathed in and smiled at her. When she was standing next to him, she put her hand briefly on his arm. "Maddie loved the new guitar," she said.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged a little. "It ain't a really nice one, just a junior size," he said, knowing she would have known that without him saying it. "Maybe when she's older, I'll get her a nice one." She nodded. He breathed in deeply. "I probably should go."

"You don't have to," she said.

He looked away, then back at her, smiling at her sadly. "She's having fun with her friends now. I'll see her in a couple days. It's all good."

She gestured with her hand. "Come up here a minute." She turned and walked up the steps to the patio. After a moment, he followed her. When they both got to the patio, they looked back at the party. Maddie and her friends were playing in the pool and all the other parents were down there. "Do you remember the first time you saw her?"

He turned back to look at her. He breathed in. "Yeah." Rayna had called him late that night and let him know it was okay to come to the hospital. He had never been as scared in his life as he was when Rayna put Maddie in his arms. But he also had never loved another person the way he loved Maddie, except for Maddie's mama.

She took a step closer to him and touched his arm. "I was so glad you were there," she said, her voice soft, filled with emotion. "And that you've been here all the rest of the days of her life."

His chest felt tight and he bit the inside of his lip, nodding. "Thanks for that," he said finally.

He could see something in her eyes then, something he hadn't seen in a while, something that made his heart beat a little faster, even though he knew she was still too scared to do anything about it. "Thank you for _her_ ," she said, her voice so quiet he almost thought he'd imagined it.

 **Teddy**

He was standing by the pool, talking with some of the other fathers. It was a large enough group that he didn't have to carry the conversation, so it allowed him the opportunity to glance up at the patio overlooking the pool deck. He had watched them as they broke from the party group and walked together up the hill. He felt a mix of both anxiety and anger as he watched them, standing too close to each other for his liking. There was an ease between them that always felt like a punch in the gut. There was always something about the way they looked at each other or there was a random touch that normally would mean nothing. But for the two of them, those looks and touches could mean so much more.

He forced himself to turn back to the conversation, trying not to watch the way his wife looked up at her ex-husband, the way she sort of leaned in towards him with her hip, in that way that was almost like an invitation. Trying not to think about the way her ex-husband was looking down at her, like she still belonged to him. He clenched his jaw for a moment, then turned his eyes away and smiled at the group.

 **Rayna**

It happened again. They were on the road on the anniversary of the day they got married, flying to the west coast. She was seated in first class and was listening to Daphne chatter about the picture book she was looking at. Maddie was still in school, but would be joining her after the west coast leg. Her band was getting on the plane and she looked up and smiled, a little self-consciously. She justified sitting in first class because of the girls. It was easier to have more room, but it also made her feel like she'd separated herself from them. It was why she always preferred the bus.

But when Deacon appeared, she felt her heart flutter involuntarily. She couldn't help but think he looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. His hair was a little mussed and down over his forehead, which gave him a sexier look, she'd always thought. She'd dreamt about him the night before, strange snips of dreams. Some fighting, some kissing, at one point she was walking away from him. She was always wearing her wedding dress though and he was wearing his white shirt and dark pants, with the top buttons on his shirt unbuttoned.

As he edged by them, he looked at her and smiled, a little wistfully, she thought. She smiled back. Then he looked at Daphne. "Hey there, Daphne," he said.

Daphne looked up then and Rayna saw the look of pleasure on her face. "Deacon!" she squealed excitedly.

He reached out and ran a finger over her cheek. "I'll see you in LA, sweet pea," he said. Rayna looked back up at him and caught his eye. Her show wasn't until the following night, so they'd have tonight to rest up from the trip and adjust to the time change. They would talk. She knew that and she could tell he knew that too.

He kept moving, not wanting to hold up the line, and she turned to look out the window. She felt like she wanted to cry, for the first time in a long time.

 **Deacon**

He settled into his seat. He'd felt out of sorts ever since he woke up. He knew why. It was the seventeenth anniversary of the day he and Rayna had gotten married. He hadn't been able to get it out of his head all morning. Of course, now it had been eight years since he and Rayna had celebrated it. Nine, really, since the divorce was almost final that last year. He'd felt like he had a vise wrapped around his chest, as he shoved his clothes into his duffle.

He walked over to his dresser and reached for the picture he had stuck in the edge of the mirror. Along with the 'Postcards' photo of Rayna, this was the other picture he always took with him, wherever he went. He knew it was crazy, but it felt like all he had left of that time in his life. He plucked the picture out and looked at it. It was a photo from the day he and Rayna had gotten married. It wasn't an official picture, just someone's candid shot, but they were standing together and he had his arm around her. She was looking up at him and he was looking down at her. He could still feel the love that was in their faces.

" _Can you believe we're actually married?" she asked him, with a look that was a mix of excitement and amazement._

 _He breathed in. "It's the best day of my life, baby," he said._

 _She smiled. "Mine too," she said, a little breathlessly. "I know we've been living together all this time and that this doesn't really change anything, but it makes me feel, I don't know, fulfilled, I guess. You make me so happy." He could see the tears glistening in her eyes._

 _He pulled her close and kissed her. "I'm gonna love you forever, Rayna," he said. "No one's ever gonna love you like I love you."_

He sighed. They'd eventually turned that line into a song, although it had been years since they'd performed it together. As every year took them farther from the time they'd been together, he'd learned, bit by bit, how to navigate his feelings and the realities of their life together. Now what bound them together was their daughter. And the music. There would always be the music.

He turned to look out the window. They'd be pulling back from the gate shortly and then heading for LA. He would sleep most of the way. He hated flying, simply because it was uncomfortable. On the bus, he could stretch out. He rested his elbow on the armrest and covered his mouth with two fingers. It hadn't been so bad, being back in Rayna's band. Cole still asked him about that, but it was all good. He'd been right when he told his sponsor that taking that time away had given him perspective. It had. He would still wait, but he no longer expected more from Rayna than she could give him.

As the plane jerked back from the gate, he breathed out. As soon as they were airborne, he'd recline the seat and take a nap. He was pretty sure he'd need one, because he was pretty sure he and Rayna were going to talk that night. He'd seen it in her eyes and he'd known it was time.

 **Rayna**

When the knock came at the door, Rayna walked over and opened it. She smiled. "Hey, Lynn. Come on in." Lynn had been with her for over ten years and had been her road babysitter since her first tour after Maddie was born, in addition to being her makeup artist. "She's already asleep."

Lynn rubbed Rayna's arm. "No problem. You know, she's always such a good sleeper." She made a face. "Not like Miss Maddie."

Rayna grinned. "Miss Maddie takes after her father. Stubborn as the day is long. And she'll always fight doing what you want her to do." She took a breath. "I'm going to look in on her one more time. I don't expect to be gone too long."

Lynn shook her head. "Take your time."

Rayna went in the other room and checked on Daphne. She lightly ran a finger down her daughter's arm and then stood looking at her a moment. Daphne was her sunshine-y girl. She was always laughing, always smiling, almost always happy-go-lucky. So different from Maddie, who could be so quiet and introspective. Unless she was throwing a little tantrum. Rayna smiled to herself. They were so different, and maybe she should have expected that, and yet they were close already.

She walked out of the room, closing the door almost all the way. She waved at Lynn, then picked up her key and slid it in her back pocket as she walked out of the suite. She walked out to the elevator and pressed the up button. As she waited, she slid two fingers into her front pocket. She felt the photo and breathed out. Then the elevator doors opened and she got on.

* * *

The hotel had a nice rooftop lounge that had great city views. When she got there, she saw Deacon slouched in a chair, one booted foot propped on a side table. When she walked up, he turned and then stood up, sliding his hands in his pockets. "Hey," he said.

She smiled. "Hey. I'm glad you could come."

He shrugged. "Got nothing else to do," he said, with a teasing smile.

She smirked at him and then sat in the chair next to his. He sat back down. She reached in her pocket and pulled out the photo. She had folded it in two and put it in a box with her wedding rings. Tandy had taken the picture – their first kiss as a married couple – and had given it to her several days after the wedding. She unfolded it and looked at it, then handed it to him. She watched him take it and saw him work his lip as he looked at it. She sighed. "Those were much simpler times," she said.

He nodded, handing it back to her. She tucked it back in her pocket. Then he looked at her. "I wish I hadn't screwed things up," he said.

She propped both feet on the table and shrugged. "Maybe we were too young," she said. "Maybe we didn't know enough about each other, about ourselves, about what life would be like. Maybe we should have taken more time." She breathed in and rubbed her hands on her legs, looking out into the darkness. "I really regret how everything happened, you know?"

"We can think back on the woulda, shoulda, coulda, Ray, and it won't change nothing," he said. "The good news is that we were always there for each other. We never really threw each other away. We were always connected."

She turned and looked at him. "Is that how you see it? Because I feel like you thought I wasn't there for you. That I _had_ thrown you away."

He leaned forward and propped his elbows on his legs. He ran his hands over his face and breathed in deeply. Then he looked back at her. "I did," he said quietly. "At first. But that last time in rehab, it finally got through." He sat back in his chair and slouched down a little, linking his fingers together over his stomach. "You really were always there for me. Even though I didn't deserve it. Every single time I went to rehab, you paid for it, financially and emotionally, and that's a debt I ain't ever gonna fully repay."

"You've repaid it, Deacon," she said softly. "Seven years being a father to Maddie." She felt herself choking on a sob. "I prayed for it, you know?"

He nodded, then turned to look at her. "Why didn't you just lie to me about her, Ray? Why'd you decide to tell me?"

She reached over and put her hand on his arm, feeling the charge of electricity between them. "I just couldn't," she said. She rolled her eyes. "Daddy and Tandy and Teddy wanted me to. But I couldn't." She breathed in. It didn't matter anymore that she'd considered it, wondered if she could do it. But she knew she'd never be able to look at him again if she'd kept something that important from him. To live with that kind of lie was unimaginable. "I owed you the truth. And…I hoped it would matter." She gently squeezed his arm, then pulled her hand away.

He nodded, looking back out into the darkness. "It did matter," he whispered.

 **Deacon**

He felt incredibly emotional, on this particular day. They'd never really talked about everything that had happened at the end of them. He thought about the day she'd come to see him and told him she was pregnant. Now, all those years later, he had had some very fuzzy memories of that night at the cabin. Nothing he could really hang his hat on and he wasn't at all sure he hadn't created them because she told him it had happened. But it made him feel better to think that the most significant moment of his life wasn't completely lost in a sea of black. "So you never even thought about it?" he asked.

It seemed as though she hesitated for just the briefest of moments before shaking her head. "It wouldn't have been right," she said. "I wanted to give you the chance to know her. To be part of her life. Even if we weren't together, I had to honor _us_ , you know?"

He knew what she meant, the underlying meaning. He understood that the love they'd shared was still there. She could hide it better than he could, but then she'd always been better at putting on a face. It had served her well in her career – no matter what was going on in her life, she never let it show to the public, to her fans. He felt a stab to his heart, knowing that it was him she'd had to protect, his struggles and his pain she'd covered up, until she no longer could. "I know I said it a thousand times," he said. "I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I never meant to. If I'da known…."

"I know," she said. He could hear her breathe in slowly, as though she were pushing back her emotions, even though she didn't have to for him. But he knew she _needed_ to. "I never wanted that, Deacon. Never. But I was exhausted. _It_ was exhausting. I had spent so many years trying to be strong, trying to keep it all under control, protect you, protect _us_. But I had gotten to a breaking point, you know?" He did know. "I questioned myself, so many times. Coleman said the best thing to do was to cut you loose, because we wanted you to get better, and that would be the way to do that."

He looked over at her in surprise. " _Cole_ told you to divorce me?"

She shook her head. "No, no, that was my decision. He'd tried to help me figure out how to be stronger for you, but, you know, that was so hard. I loved you so much." Her voice broke at the end. "But once I'd decided, he said I needed to let you go." As he watched, her face crumpled into tears. Then she waved her hands in front of her face, trying to regain her composure. "I didn't want to do that, Deacon, I really didn't. It was so hard for me to even think about it. I was afraid that if I wasn't there, that you…well, you know." He did know. She was afraid it would kill him. He breathed in and then reached over and took her hand, trying to let her know that he didn't blame her. She looked over at him and tried to smile.

"I know," he said, swallowing over a lump in his throat. "I just wish I never done that to you. Put you in that place."

She threaded her fingers with his. "I know you didn't want to, Deacon. I always knew that." She sighed. "You had such a hard life though. I think your parents just, you know, did so much damage. It was a lot to overcome. But you're doing it now."

He shook his head. "I don't know…."

She looked at him intently. "Deacon, you're _not_ your father. You know that."

He swallowed hard and just nodded. Then he looked back at her. "Was it worth it? When it's all said and done, you get what you wanted?" He breathed in. "You happy?"

 **Rayna**

She let go of his hand and looked down at her lap. She started fidgeting with her hands. There were no easy answers to Deacon's questions. _Did I get what I wanted? I never wanted to not be with Deacon, so no, probably not. But am I happy?_ She looked back at him. "I am happy, Deacon," she said. "I have a good life. A family, a stable life." She sighed. "You know, sometimes it's good to be able to leave all of this behind. To not be the artist, to just be a wife and mom, and have a place where I can let all that go. It's brought a lot of peace into my life. That I really needed." She looked at him, hoping he understood.

He nodded slightly. "I get it," he said. He looked at her intently for a moment, then his face relaxed into a wistful smile. "You look different now. Relaxed. Younger. And when I see you with the girls, you look happy. Like it's exactly what you should be doing."

She smiled. "I want you to be happy too, Deacon." He looked down. "I really do. I know you think maybe you can't be happy without me, but you can." He looked up at her then. "I thought I'd be with you for the rest of my life, Deacon, I really did." She made a face. "But sometimes I think it can be…too much, you know? We were always _so_ connected – still are – but I think sometimes that means we can't put it aside when we need to. I tried, for so long, to help you get better, and it hurts so much to know you couldn't do it with me. I think that's what _I_ have to live with. That I couldn't be the one to get you through it."

He shook his head and frowned. "Rayna, that ain't…."

She held up her hand. "It _is_ true, Deacon. We both know that. I just couldn't let you fall. I couldn't stand on the sidelines and watch you do that. I loved you too much." She smiled hopefully. "But we're still so connected, even if we aren't together like we planned. And you're doing so well and I'm so proud of you. And you're a wonderful father for our daughter and you just don't know how happy that makes me. You will always be my best friend, Deacon. You will always be the person who knows me better than anyone. And I'm just grateful to have you in my life."

He breathed in. "I'm glad we didn't throw each other away," he said quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap.

She felt tears in her eyes. "You were meant to be in my life, you know? I believe that a hundred percent." He nodded, but didn't look at her. "You'll always be my family, Deacon," she said, choking a little on a sob. "I don't want you to ever not believe that." She sighed. "Maybe we didn't make it for the long haul, but I'm glad we had what we did." He looked over at her then. "The best thing in my life was being loved by you." She tried to smile over the tears that welled up and then spilled over onto her cheeks.

He ran his finger under his eye. "Mine too," he said. He stood up then and reached for her hand to pull her up. She didn't know what he intended. He pulled her into his arms and she hesitated a moment before she let herself wrap her arms around him in return. She laid her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. She closed her eyes and thought about how much she missed this. She breathed out then and relaxed into the embrace. He finally stepped back and put his hands on her arms. She looked up at him, his face shadowed in the darkness. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Happy anniversary, Ray," he said. Then he turned and walked off.

She stood watching him until he had exited through the door. Then she walked over to the railing and looked out over the city. "Happy anniversary, babe," she whispered.

 **Deacon**

"You're still writing, aren't you?" she asked. They were sitting in the nosebleeds at the arena in Chicago. He wondered if she was thinking they might write together again.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you sending out demos?"

"Sometimes. Mostly I just sing 'em myself."

She looked puzzled. "Are you recording something?"

He shook his head and smiled sheepishly. "Nah, nothing like that. I got a regular thing at the Bluebird, when I'm off the road. Every third Thursday of the month, I do a spotlight. Sometimes bring in another artist to play with me."

A smile crossed her face. "Really? Wow. That's great, Deacon."

He shrugged. "It works for me. Sometimes someone hears something and passes it along." He worked his lip. "I play a lot of our old stuff too. People like to hear that."

She raised her eyebrows. "I guess they would," she said softly.

The silence between them seemed to draw out, so he finally said, "You should come some night."

She looked at him. "Maybe I should," she said. But he knew she wouldn't. He could see it in her eyes, the way they didn't quite maintain eye contact with his. She put her hands on the armrests. "Well, I want to head back and check on Daphne. I'll see you at sound check."

He watched as she walked away.

 **Rayna**

As she and Teddy were cleaning up the kitchen, she stood watching him for a moment. "Um, I was thinking I might go to the Bluebird tonight, babe," she said. He looked up at her. "Would you mind?"

He frowned a little. "Why?"

She shrugged and walked over to the island, wiping it down even though it didn't need it. "I was thinking I might listen to some of the new songwriters. See if there's someone new to write with. Or who might have a song I should take a listen to."

"It'll be kind of a late night, won't it? And Maddie has school tomorrow."

She looked back at him. His brow was still furrowed with confusion. "You can handle bedtime, can't you?" she asked. It was unusual for him to question her about late night activities. He knew it was a part of what she did.

He smiled then. "Of course I can. I guess I was just thinking that, you know, Maddie's here this week."

She breathed in. "I won't leave until 8:45. All I'll miss is the tucking in. It's not really that big of a deal, is it, babe?"

He looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just shook his head. "No, I guess not really."

She smiled and walked over to him, putting her arms around his neck and hugging him. "Thanks, babe," she said. "And you don't have to wait up for me, if you're tired."

* * *

She was late getting there. Maddie had pitched a fit about her leaving and Teddy gave her a look that seemed to say 'this is what I was talking about'. She compromised by tucking Maddie in a little early and promising extra time the next night. She drove a little fast and made it about 9:15. She parked in back and walked in the back entrance. She could hear Deacon singing, a song she didn't recognize, so she assumed it was one of his. Erika was standing by the bar and saw her.

"Hey," she said softly, hurrying over. "We've got a few seats, if you'd like one."

Rayna shook her head. "No, that's okay. I'm not sure how long I'll stay. Could I just stand back here, kind of out of sight?" She leaned in to Erika's ear. "Just so there's no commotion because I'm here."

"No problem," Erika said. "Can I get you anything?"

Rayna waved her hand. "I'm fine. Thanks though." She watched as Erika hurried back into the club and then disappeared from her view. She leaned against the wall that led to the restrooms, just listening to Deacon. She wasn't sure why she didn't want him to know she was there, but she thought it was best to keep her presence quiet.

He sang 'Like New', which got a lot of applause. She had always assumed it was about her. She thought all the songs he wrote were probably about her. He performed 'End of the Day' and 'Been Gone So Long', a couple of their hit songs, which also generated a lot of applause. Those were songs they hadn't performed together since before their break up. She felt a little ache in her heart for the music they'd written that was too close to their hearts to do in public anymore.

"So here's one I wrote probably five years ago, maybe six," she heard him say. "I'm happy to say that Tim McGraw picked it up and it's gonna be on his next album. So you may hear it on radio before too long. It's called 'Real Good Man'."

It was an up-tempo number, which surprised her a little. As she listened to the song, she could certainly see why Tim was interested in picking it up. She couldn't help but bounce a little to it. It was catchy and fun and it surprised her a little that Deacon had written it.

 _Girl, you've never known no one like me / Up there in your high society / They might tell you I'm no good / Girl they need to understand / Just who I am / I may be a real bad boy / But baby I'm a real good man_

She wasn't surprised that it was a good song. Deacon was the best songwriter she'd ever worked with, one of the best in Nashville, truthfully. It was more tongue-in-cheek than she thought she'd ever heard Deacon write. His sweet spot seemed to be the deep, soulful numbers, with lyrics that seemed to cut through to the heart of anything, and instrumentals that matched. But this was almost playful.

 _I might have a reckless streak / At least a country mile wide / If you're gonna run with me / It's gonna be a wild ride / When it comes to lovin' you / I've got velvet hands / I'll show you how a real bad boy / Can be a real good man_

She wondered sometimes if she was being self-centered to think that most of his songs were about her. He'd been the one, after all, to tell her that sometimes a song was just a song, that you could take a morsel of yourself and turn it into something else entirely. But he wore his heart on his sleeve, so she wasn't sure about that at all. So she thought 'Real Good Man' might have been his way of acknowledging that he was good enough for her.

She stood for nearly an hour. She tried not to make eye contact with people who passed her on their way to the restrooms. She turned down another offer from Erika for a drink. She just mostly closed her eyes and listened, thinking that Deacon had a lot to say and wishing more people would listen.

When he played 'Back Home', she thought back to the night he'd played it for her. It was right after his second trip to rehab. They'd gone to the cabin and, in the middle of the night, she'd woken up to find herself alone in their bed. She'd felt her heart beating hard in her chest and a pit in her stomach. She'd jumped out of bed and picked up the first thing she found, Deacon's flannel shirt, and pulled it on. She'd found him on the porch, with his guitar, and she'd breathed a sigh of relief.

He told her he'd written the song early in his stay in rehab. He'd written it about her, and the cabin. It was a beautiful song, spare and quiet. It evoked a million visuals in her head of nighttime at the cabin. The fireflies twinkling and the gentle lapping of the lake right outside their door. Being wrapped up in a blanket with him in front of the fire. It was a quiet, peaceful place and the song was quiet and peaceful as well. She sometimes thought if she just could have kept him there, he'd have been okay.

She realized her face was wet with tears and she reached up to brush them away. Then she turned and rushed out of the Bluebird, stumbling out to her car. When she got in and shut the door behind her, she suddenly let loose with deep, wrenching sobs. She didn't want anyone to catch her crying in her car, so she focused on getting under control and then finally started the car and drove towards home.

When she got to Percy Warner Park, she slowly drove up the road to the entrance and then turned the car off. She stared through the windshield at the dark night sky. She breathed in, feeling the pace of her heart slow down. She wondered if she'd ever get past these moments when she felt like she was broken. She had a good life and she knew that, but every now and then the ache was too much to bear. She knew she needed to get it under control, though, so that she could go home to the family she'd built, who filled her heart with love and joy.

She reminded herself again that she didn't need the fireworks. Although the fireworks were beautiful and thrilling and made you catch your breath, they also left you empty afterwards. When the thrill was gone, all you had left was the memory. What she had, standing right in front of her, was real and solid and satisfying. That's what she needed to remember. She took a deep breath and started the car, then pointed it for home.

* * *

When she walked in the house, it was quiet. The light was on over the stove and everything was cleaned up and spotless. She leaned on the island, soaking it all in. Whenever she walked into this house, she felt at peace. It was a feeling she hadn't really known since she was very young. _I have such a good life._ She stood up and walked to the stairs, heading up to the bedrooms. She looked first into Maddie's room. One of the lights was on by her bed. Maddie had a book lying next to her and Rayna picked it up and put it on the bedside table. She looked down at Maddie, who was laying on her side, her long dark hair spread out across her pillow. She leaned over and smoothed the covers and then turned out the light.

She headed for Daphne's room next. The room was dark, but she used the light from the hall to peek in at her youngest. She smoothed Daphne's blonde hair off her face and she made a little noise, but didn't wake up. Rayna loved being a mom, loved the time she had with her girls. Everything she'd ever done in her life was worth it for these two.

She then walked down to her bedroom. Teddy was still awake, looking over some paperwork. When he saw her he smiled and set his papers on the bedside table. "How was it?" he asked. She breathed in. She was lucky to have Teddy. He treated her well, was a good father to the girls. He was like a port in a storm for her, that steady presence she'd been missing in her life. And he loved her. Adored her, actually. If that sometimes felt like too much, it was still comforting to know she mattered to him that way.

She walked over and climbed up on the bed and sat next to him, her legs crossed on top of the covers. She smiled back at him. "I didn't hear anything interesting for me, but it was nice to hear some new music. And some old music," she said. She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "Thanks for being understanding." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then slid off the bed and went to change.

 **Deacon**

Maddie had begged to be able to stay up until midnight, but she'd fallen asleep on the couch long before then. He knew she'd be fighting mad the next day to know she'd slept through it, so he planned to stay up and wake her up just before, so they could ring in the new year together. He smiled to himself as he imagined how excited she would be.

It had been bitterly cold in Nashville the week between Christmas and New Year's. It had also been sunny every day, without a cloud in the sky, until New Year's Eve, and the weather forecasters were calling for snow. The clouds had hung low and heavy over the city all day and Maddie had run to the windows every few minutes, it seemed like, looking for the snow. She'd been pouty about the lack of it and was still grumbling about it before she'd fallen asleep. He had carried her to her bed and covered her up, watching as she curled up in her sleep. He sure did hope it snowed or he knew he'd never hear the end of it, even though it wasn't something he had any control over. Seven year olds didn't know that though and he smirked a little.

It was almost eleven and he could feel himself start to drift off, so he forced himself to get up from the couch and walk out onto the porch, so the cold air would wake him up. As he walked out, he saw first that it had started to snow and then that it was starting to build up on the grass. He leaned against the porch post, his hands in his pockets, and smiled, thinking how excited Maddie would be and then hoped it would still be snowing at midnight.

As he watched, the memories overtook him, and he breathed in raggedly. He couldn't help but think of Rayna whenever it snowed. He often wondered if she thought of him as well, but then he thought maybe she had new memories. He felt his eyes get a little wet and he blinked rapidly, breathing in slowly. He wondered if he'd ever stop missing her, ever stop wanting her, ever stop waiting for her.

Sometimes he wondered if she missed him but in that way they had of just knowing what the other was thinking and feeling, he was sure she did. He was also sure she didn't want to, or at least that she wanted to miss him less. He had known, if not from the moment he'd laid eyes on her, at least from the moment he'd actually met her, that they were inextricably tied. That they would always be. That there was never anything, truly, that would break that bond, even as it frayed almost to that point. They'd been rebuilding that, ever since the day she'd come to see him to tell him she was pregnant. Bit by bit, piece by piece, they were repairing that.

He wondered if it would ever be finished.

 **Rayna**

They didn't stay up late for New Year's anymore. Especially this year, since they only had Daphne. But she hadn't been able to sleep, so she'd slid quietly out of bed and wandered downstairs. She turned the light on over the stove and then opened the fridge to pull out the half-empty bottle of wine she and Teddy had started at dinner. She got out a glass and poured herself a generous amount. Then she switched off the light and walked into the den.

When she looked out the window she noticed it was snowing. It had been predicted for several days, but you never knew in Nashville. Sometimes there wouldn't be a single flake and other times they'd get more than they needed. She sipped her wine and smiled to herself. She'd always loved snow. One of her favorite things to do, since she'd been a little girl, had been to stand outside and lift her face up to the sky, feeling the snowflakes land on her cheeks and eyelids. She loved how everything got so quiet when it snowed. She always wondered why that was, but it never failed to be true. And snow always gave the air a clean, fresh smell and feel, like it wiped away everything old and replaced it with this bright, clear, beautiful newness.

She closed her eyes. That first winter she'd lived with Deacon, Nashville had gotten eight inches of snow in late January. It was only supposed to be two or three, but eight meant the whole city was shut down. They were living in a tiny little studio apartment then. She remembered waking up and noticing how bright it was in the room.

 _She rolled over and got up on her knees, pulling back the blinds across the window above the bed._

" _What you doing, Ray?" Deacon murmured sleepily, reaching up to grab her bare thigh._

 _She peered out the window and gasped happily, the snow whirling in the wind, settling down on the ground in big, white mounds. "It's snowing, babe," she squealed. She sat back on her legs and smiled down at him. "We should get dressed and go out."_

 _He smiled at her, his eyes almost closed, and then he ran the back of his hand over her bare breast, before tweaking her nipple with his index finger and thumb. She shivered a little, both from her nakedness and from the instantly delicious sensation his touch sent spiraling down inside her. "Maybe a little later," he growled, his voice thick with desire._

 _She bit her lip. "It's so pretty, though," she said, already starting to waver. "It's all smooth…."_

 _He dragged his hand down her abdomen, settling over her lap. The blood was rushing to her head and she felt that languid heaviness that usually made her stop thinking about anything else but what he was going to do to her. He opened his eyes wider and smiled a little more. "This is all smooth, baby," he said, his low voice like a caress. He rolled onto his side and pushed at her legs, trying to entice her. "I think I need to warm you up a little bit 'fore we go out, don't you?" His voice was like silky caramel mixed with whiskey and she could practically feel it running down her body._

 _She sighed and then she slid back down under the covers and felt his hands start doing things to her that made her whimper with her need. She had two thoughts before pleasure took over all conscious thought. One was that the snow would still be there later. The other was that she wondered if the day would ever come that she would not want this very feeling more than anything else in the world._

Her eyes flew open and she realized she was breathing hard. Her whole body felt hot. She took a large swallow of wine and then breathed in deeply. As she watched the snow falling outside and felt her heartbeat finally begin to return to normal, she remembered that the snow was, in fact, still there later.

She raised her fingers to her mouth and felt a tightness in her chest. As for the second thought – the answer was no. The truth was, that day had not ever come.

 _ **A/N: I used Tim McGraw's 'Real Good Man' in this chapter. The year isn't in sync with when he actually released it, but it's all AU anyway, right?**_

 _ **Thanks again for all your kind reviews!**_


	20. 2007-2011

_I'll apologize up front that this chapter is pretty long. I combined 2007 – 2011, because there were just a handful of events I wanted to cover during this time, without getting repetitious. There's still some movement during this period, just not so many major events._

 **Rayna**

 _2007_

The fact that Teddy had nothing to do with the music business was both a good thing and a bad thing. It was a good thing, because it meant that Rayna had a chance to unwind and decompress between tours and on breaks without having to live the life a hundred percent of the time. It wasn't a terrible thing to do that, because although she had loved how music just always set the table for her life with Deacon, now that she and Deacon were not together, she understood just how nice it was to sometimes feel…normal.

She felt like Teddy was her partner in a completely different way than Deacon had been. Teddy felt like a grown-up partner, someone to talk to about the important things in life. Someone to do normal, family things with, like go to church and take the girls to school and go to parent-teacher meetings and start the girls in activities that had nothing to do with music. She and Teddy both wanted the girls to try sports and organized activities and other creative pursuits like art and ballet.

She liked dinners together at home, the family sitting at their round table in the kitchen. They watched movies together, the kid movies that the girls liked, complete with popcorn and laughter. She and Teddy tucked the girls in together and read stories. She had been surprised to learn that Teddy could be quite entertaining when reading a story.

Sometimes she regretted that she had no idea what Teddy's job really involved. She knew he'd started in accounting, then moved to real estate. He would come home and talk to her about his day and she had learned how to look interested, nodding and smiling and saying things like "wow, that's amazing" and "I'm so impressed". Teddy would beam and she would wonder sometimes if he knew she was just pretending. It really wasn't that she didn't care, but it was business and it reminded her of her father and Tandy, all business.

Teddy was excited when he came home one night, while she was home on a break, and announced that he had brokered a huge development deal along the river. He had talked about retail shops and housing and office space and a bunch of other things she didn't understand, but she nodded and smiled happily, and then suggested champagne, which turned out to be the right thing to do. They had gotten a little tipsy on expensive champagne and she had led him to their bedroom, where she did a strip tease for him that caused her to hide her face the next morning when he told her about it.

"Oh, lord, Teddy, I really did that?" she asked, covering her face. Clearly she'd been more tipsy than she'd thought.

He laughed gently. "Oh, yes, you really did that," he said. "Let's see, it was from the bathroom all the way to the bed."

She turned onto her side and spied the trail of clothes on the floor. "Oh, gosh," she said, burying her face in her pillow. "I've never done that…." That wasn't true, of course. She just hadn't ever done it for him. "You must have thought I'd lost my mind."

He rolled over behind her, sliding his hand under the covers and covering her breast. "Actually, I thought it was very sexy," he whispered in her ear. " _You're_ very sexy."

She rolled over to face him. She could see all the love he had for her in his eyes and it gave her a warm, happy feeling inside. She reached her hand up to lay on his cheek and she smiled at him. "I'm proud of you, babe," she said. "And I love you."

He smiled back at her, that boyish smile she loved, his eyes crinkling merrily. "I love you too, Rayna," he said. He leaned in to kiss her, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her close. She kissed him back, giggling a little, and he took that as his cue that she wanted morning lovemaking. Which she did.

* * *

It was summer, so Maddie was out of school and actually was at Deacon's. It was just Daphne at home with them and she was a late sleeper, so Rayna allowed herself the luxury of extra time in bed after Teddy got up to get ready for work. But when he came in with a mug of coffee for her, he had their daughter in his arms as well. Daphne was rubbing her eyes and then reached out for Rayna when she saw her.

Rayna sat up in the bed as Teddy let Daphne down next to her. She wrapped her daughter up in her arms, as Teddy set the coffee on her bedside table. "How are you this morning, sweet girl?" she asked.

"I want to go to the park!" Daphne cried.

Rayna smiled. "We can do that. Just let mama get up and moving around." She had a little bit of a headache from the champagne the night before. Nothing that coffee Teddy had brought her wouldn't fix though.

Teddy was still hovering. "So, I was wondering if you could go with me to a dinner tonight," he said. "I'm meeting with the Music City Credit Union board about the project and it would be nice to have you there with me."

Rayna sighed. "I can't, babe. I'm doing the Opry tonight. You know that."

He frowned. "Can't you cancel?"

She made a face. "No, I can't. I made a commitment and I'm not breaking it." She looked at him carefully, as she lifted the mug of coffee to her lips and took a swallow. "When did this come up? This morning?"

He shook his head. "No, yesterday actually. I just forgot to mention it."

She always tried to cram as many things as she could into her breaks and last minute changes didn't work for her. She knew her time was limited and she wanted to support Teddy, but it annoyed her that he thought she would change plans at the last minute. "Well, the answer would still have been the same, Teddy," she said. "You knew I had this commitment. And Deacon was going to bring Maddie by, so now we need to come up with some other arrangement for the girls."

He frowned. "Deacon's performing with you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course he is. My whole band is." She set the coffee mug down on the bedside table, a little harder than she'd meant to.

He threw his hands up. "Well, what are we going to do about the girls then?"

She frowned and got up out of bed, lifting Daphne up and setting her on the floor. She looked at Teddy. "I'll just figure it out," she said, clenching her jaw. She put her hand on Daphne's back. "Come on, sweetie, let's go get you dressed." Then she walked out of the room, leaving Teddy, and her coffee, behind.

 **Teddy**

 _2007_

He was finally making things happen in Nashville. This Cumberland Plaza development would be a huge step forward for both the city and for him personally. It was an ambitious project, but he was sure that with the combination of Nashville's up-and-coming status and its location, that tenants and other developers would be lining up to get in. His position on the credit union board was paying dividends for him and he was looking forward to the future.

He had everything he wanted. He had a family he loved. His wife was one of the brightest stars in country music and that had opened many doors for him. It hadn't hurt that his father-in-law was one of the titans of Nashville business, although his relationship with Lamar had always been tenuous. He knew Lamar thought he wasn't tough enough, that he didn't have the balls to make it in Nashville, and he was determined to make this project his entrée into that world.

The only part of his life that wasn't to his liking was his oldest daughter's biological father being part of their lives. And Deacon Claybourne definitely was part of _their_ lives and not just Maddie's. Rayna had never given him any reason to think her relationship with Deacon wasn't on the up-and-up, but they had a long, complicated history and their daughter continued to be the thread that kept them connected. He had breathed a bit of a sigh of relief when Rayna had Daphne and he tried to take the high road with the fact that Deacon was in Rayna's band.

But this project was going to put him at the forefront of Nashville's future and he'd be able to stand next to Rayna as a shining star. It had been validating to him when she agreed to use some of their money to get the Cumberland deal off the ground. It meant she believed in him.

As he watched Rayna and Daphne together in the den, before he left for work, he felt proud to have what he had. Rayna, even with the complications she'd brought to their lives together, was the love of his life. He was determined to make her as proud of him as he was of her.

 **Deacon**

 _2007_

Maddie walked back to her bedroom and dropped off her things. She came back with the guitar he'd bought her for her seventh birthday. "Will you teach me?" she asked, a shy smile on her face.

He raised his eyebrows. "You want _me_ to teach you? I thought your mama had set up lessons for you," he said. It wasn't that she really needed lessons. She'd followed along with him ever since she'd had her ukulele, but she had begged Rayna.

She shrugged. "She did, but I don't really like the guy." She made a face. "He's so old, Dad, and he won't let me do anything advanced. I know the basics already, but he won't do anything else."

He grinned. "I guess that would be kinda boring for you then," he said. "You sure you want me to do it? I ain't really a teacher."

She smiled and raised her eyebrows. "I know you taught Mom," she said. "Or _tried_ to, she said."

He laughed. "Well, there you go then. She still ain't that good at it, so I obviously am not a great teacher."

"She said you are though. That it was just her not being able to do it." She grinned. "She said she didn't want to break her fingernails."

He leaned his head back and chuckled, then looked at his daughter. "Well, that is true. And she's probably right about that getting in her way."

"She said I could ask you."

That surprised him. "She did?" Maddie nodded. "Well, we can try, I guess. But you know you can always fire me if you want." He winked at her.

Maddie sat on the couch and perched the guitar on her lap. "I won't fire you," she said, with a smirk. "You're my dad."

* * *

He walked in with Maddie when he dropped her off. Rayna was in the den and she stood up. "Hey," she said, with a smile.

Maddie rushed over and gave her a hug. "Guess what, Mom? Dad said he would be my guitar teacher." She looked back at him and Rayna did as well.

"He did, did he?" she said. She looked down at Maddie. "I told you he would."

"I learned so much, in just a week. He even taught me some chord transitions." She made a face. "Although I'm not very good at them."

He smiled at her. "Sweetie, it takes time. That was the hardest part for me and you're already way ahead of me."

She beamed. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really. I told you, you're gonna be great. Pass me by before you're nine, I'm guessing."

She rushed over to him and hugged him around the waist. "Thanks, Dad." She looked up at him. "I love you."

He smiled down at her. "I love you too, baby girl." She started for the stairs. "Make sure you practice this week," he called after her.

"I will!" she said, and then she was gone.

He turned back to Rayna, who had a bemused look on her face. "What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I just love seeing you two together," she said. She walked closer to him. "She wants to be just like you."

He shook his head. "Nah, she wants to be like _you_ ," he said. He bit his lip, then said, "Actually, I think she wants to be like both of us."

She breathed in. "I think you're right. But she has a long way to go before that."

"I think it might be sooner than you think. She's already got the bug."

She looked at him with a serious look on her face. "I just want her to have all the normal experiences we didn't have, you know? I don't want to push her or rush her. And I want us to be together on this."

He raised an eyebrow. "This a you and Teddy thing?" he asked.

She frowned. "No, Deacon. This needs to be a you and me thing. She's _our_ daughter and _we_ should make those decisions about her." She crossed her arms. "I don't mind her learning to play the guitar and she wants to sing in school talent shows and all that, and I'm good with that. But she looks at the two of us and she sees what we do and she's going to want to be like us. We need to try to slow it down."

He put his hands in his pockets. "Rayna, she's eight. She's having fun. Why can't you just leave it at that?"

"I just don't want her to have, you know, expectations."

He was confused. "Rayna, she ain't gonna run off today and sing on a stage. Let her be a kid and enjoy this."

She looked away. "Just promise me you won't fill her head with…ideas."

He breathed out and then shrugged. "Okay," he said.

* * *

He knew they'd have this conversation multiple times. What he wondered was whether they'd ever agree.

 **Teddy**

 _2008_

Teddy was sitting in his office, staring out the window. He'd just hung up the phone with another retailer who was pulling out of the Cumberland project. He swallowed hard and felt his heart racing. So far, he'd been able to keep the defections on the down low, and was telling his investors that all was well. Things weren't dire yet, but it felt like that's where they were headed. He was starting to panic a little. Ground had broken, but nothing much was happening at the site and questions were starting to bubble up.

There was a knock on his door. "Yes?" he called out. The door opened slowly and he saw Peggy Reid standing there. He tried to smile. "Hey there, Peggy. Come on in."

She slid in the door and then closed it behind her. He thought she looked nervous as she walked over to one of the chairs in front of him and sat down, perching right on the edge. She took a deep breath. He thought she looked a little like a deer in the headlights. She clenched her hands in her lap. "It's done," she said, her voice so soft he almost couldn't hear her.

He let himself breathe out slowly. He nodded at her. "Thank you, Peggy," he said, his own voice low.

"I'm scared, though, Teddy. What if someone finds out?"

"No one will find out. We'll pay all the money back. Just think of it as a loan." Suddenly, as he looked at her, he worried that she wouldn't be able to keep quiet. "Are you sure you can keep this to yourself, Peggy?" He'd only asked her to help because of their past history and because he trusted her. She was the primary accountant for the credit union and it had been a fairly simple matter for her to make the journal entry changes necessary to funnel money into the Cumberland project account.

She nodded. "Yes." She bit her lip. "I'm just nervous."

He smiled, trying to look more comfortable than he felt. "It's just for a short time, Peggy. No one will know. Just until we get more funds from the tenants." He didn't want to let her know how worried he was. The money inflow was much slower than he'd anticipated and his investors were restless. As an investor himself, he understood that. He'd put a lot of his and Rayna's savings into this project and he needed it to be successful, personally as well as professionally. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry." He walked around his desk and sat in the chair next to her, taking her hands in his. "Thank you for all your help, Peggy. I really do appreciate it."

She nodded, her eyes still wide with nervousness. "You know I'd do anything to help you, Teddy," she said. "Anything."

He did know that. It was clear to him that she still harbored feelings for him, although he had no intention of taking advantage of that. He was married. He had a family. He wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. He smiled again. "I know," he said. "And I value your loyalty."

* * *

After she left, he sat back against the chair back and took a deep breath. This was risky and Peggy seemed a little spooked, but he was in too deep now. He had to trust her. He couldn't let this project fail. He closed his eyes. If something happened, he'd be done. And practically broke. _This has to all work out._

 **Deacon**

 _2008_

Deacon set a root beer in front of Maddie, along with one for himself. "You got homework?" he asked.

Maddie took a long swallow on her drink and then nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I've got this project where I've got to do my family tree, back three generations, so I need some information from you."

He didn't really like the idea of that, but he supposed it didn't have to be too complicated. All she'd need were names, he was sure, but he hoped she didn't use it as some opportunity to ask questions. He and Rayna had decided early on not to give more information than was necessary, but when Maddie started to ask, they would give her factual information without too much embellishment. "You wanna do that now?" he asked.

She thought about it and then nodded. She slid down from the stool. "Let me get my notebook," she said, running off to her bedroom. When she came back, she situated herself back on the stool and opened her notebook. He could see some rough sketching, but he couldn't see the details. He leaned on the counter and waited. She looked at him then. "So how come Mom married my other dad instead of you when she found out she was pregnant?" she asked.

He felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. He never expected that question, although it actually was a legitimate one and he guessed Maddie was old enough now to wonder about that. But it brought up a lot more background and history than he'd expected to share. "Well," he said, trying to stall a little. "It's sorta complicated, Maddie. Your mom was, uh, she was dating Teddy already then." He knew that would bring up more questions. And it did.

She screwed up her face. "That doesn't make sense," she said. "If she was dating him, then why are _you_ my dad?"

He worked his lip. "Well, you know, I played guitar for her. And we were close. It was complicated," he said. As soon as he said it, he felt sure it was the wrong thing to say.

She narrowed her eyes. "So you were dating her too?"

He breathed in. "Not exactly." He didn't want to get into all the sordid details, but he had to tell her something. "The thing is, your mama and I had been married. Before she started dating Teddy."

Her eyes widened. "You were _married_?" she cried.

He sighed. "I told you it was complicated," he said. All of a sudden she burst into tears. He hurried around the counter and put his arms around her. "Baby, let me explain," he said, but she pulled away from him, a hurt look on her face.

"This is just all messed up," she sobbed. She got up then and ran to her room, slamming the door shut.

He followed her and tried to open the door, but she'd locked it. "Maddie?" he called out. "Maddie, please open the door."

"No!" she wailed. "Leave me alone!" Her voice was muffled and he guessed she was laying on her bed, her face in her pillow.

He felt like he wanted to cry too. _I screwed that up._ He stood at the door for another minute, then decided to call Rayna.

* * *

When Rayna got to his house, Maddie was still locked up in her room. Rayna looked angry when she walked in. "What in the hell were you thinking?" she hissed, as she headed back for Maddie's room. He followed her. She knocked on the door. "Maddie? Sweetie? Will you open the door, please?" she called out.

As they waited to see if she'd open the door, he whispered, "She caught me off guard, Rayna."

She shook her head. "I just don't know what you were thinking," she whispered back.

He raised his eyebrows. "Telling her the truth? Like we said? I mean, how was I supposed to answer that?"

Just then Maddie opened the door. She turned and went back to the bed, throwing herself down on it. "Maddie, honey, let's talk about this," Rayna said as she followed their daughter into the room. She sat on the edge of the bed and he hovered behind her. She put her hand on Maddie's arm. "Can I explain?" she asked.

Maddie pulled away and then rolled up to a sitting position, glaring at the two of them. "You were _married_! And so, what, you got divorced because you were gonna have _me_?" Then she started to cry again. "I was just a mistake," she wailed.

Rayna turned and looked at him, pain in her eyes. She reached out for Maddie's hand. "No, sweetie, that's not true," she said. "We wanted you. So much." He sat down on the foot of the bed and put his hand on Maddie's leg. "Maddie, we just, I mean, things were just not in a good place for us then. But when I found out I was pregnant with you, I told your dad and we were both so happy about it." She glanced at him and then back at Maddie. "We love you so much."

"We do, baby," he said. "And even if we couldn't be married, we wanted to be sure you could be with both of us."

Rayna leaned in and pushed Maddie's hair back off her face. "Do you want to talk some more about it? Ask us any other questions?"

Maddie looked back and forth between the two of them and then rolled over onto her stomach. "Leave me alone," she said.

Rayna put her hand on Maddie's back. "Maddie…."

"Leave me alone!" she shouted. "I don't want to talk to either one of you."

Rayna took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm going to stick around for a little bit if you change your mind." Maddie didn't respond, so she stood up, as did Deacon. He could tell she was upset. He put his hand on her arm and she looked at him with eyes filled with tears, but she let him guide her out of the room.

He closed Maddie's door quietly and they walked down the hall and into the kitchen. She looked a little lost at first. He nodded towards the stools. "Have a seat," he said. "Want something to drink?"

She shrugged. "Maybe some water," she said. Then she sat down and pulled Maddie's notebook towards her, while he retrieved bottled water from the fridge. When he turned around and slid the bottle across the counter, she looked up, pointing at the page in Maddie's notebook. "So this is what she was working on?"

He nodded. "A family tree, she said. She wanted to know why you married Teddy instead of me and why I was her dad if you were dating Teddy."

She put her elbows on the counter and rubbed her temples, closing her eyes for a second. "Sounds like it's something _I_ need to talk to her about. I was the one who married someone else, after all."

He shrugged and raised an eyebrow. "That's true. You did."

She frowned. "Because you were a mess back then, Deacon. Don't act like this is all on me. Why we ended up where we are." She sighed. "I wish you hadn't told her we were married."

He looked incredulous. "Really, Rayna? 'Cause that's something that's pretty easy to find out. It wasn't no secret we were married. And the fact that you gave her your last name made it pretty clear Teddy wasn't her father."

She looked away. "She's just nine, Deacon. She's too young to understand all that."

"She's smarter than you think, Rayna. She's old enough now to know her life is different."

She looked back at him, a resigned look on her face. "Well, she gets that from you then. You were always so much more intuitive than you ever gave yourself credit for." She closed the notebook then and reached for the bottle of water. "I'd like to stay for a bit and see if she wants to talk, if that's okay with you."

He nodded. "No problem." He breathed in. "So how much do we tell her?"

"I don't want to tell her about your drinking. Or going to rehab. I think she's too young for that." He nodded and she made a face. "The rest is fair game, I guess."

* * *

Maddie finally appeared forty-five minutes later. Deacon was running through some chords on the guitar and Rayna was checking email on her phone. "So why did you get divorced?" Deacon and Rayna both looked up to see her standing at the entrance to the living room. Her face looked blotchy and she'd pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

Rayna got up from the chair where she'd been sitting and sat on the couch. Deacon put his guitar aside. Rayna patted the space in between them. "Come sit down, sweetie," she said. Maddie hesitated just a moment, then walked over and sat down between them. Rayna turned towards her. "It's like I said before, we just had some issues we couldn't work through." She took Maddie's hand. "We got married when we were really young. I was just seventeen." She looked at Maddie sternly. "But I don't want you to get married that young, just because I did."

Maddie breathed in. "Did you fall out of love? Or fall in love with my other dad?"

Rayna shook her head. "It wasn't exactly like that. It was really complicated, Maddie. For me. I did love your dad. We had problems that didn't have anything to do with how we felt about each other, but we just couldn't fix them. I didn't fall in love with Teddy until after your father and I got divorced."

Maddie turned and looked at him. "Did you want a divorce?"

He breathed in. _No, I did not. This was all your mama. But I had to let her go._ "It was the best thing for both of us," he said, hating to have to say that to her.

Maddie's lip was trembling and he could see tears in his daughter's eyes and his heart was breaking. "Do you still love her?" she asked, breaking down into tears.

He reached out and pulled her into his arms. "I'll always love her, sweet girl," he said. "Because she gave me you." He looked at Rayna and saw tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Maddie," he said. "I'm sorry I disappointed you." He held her while she cried and he watched Rayna struggle to regain control and he found himself wondering why all of this had to happen this way. Why they had to hurt their daughter.

When Maddie finally stopped crying and he had let her go, Rayna reached for her hand. Maddie looked up at her. "Sweetie, your father and I love you more than anything," she said, with an encouraging smile. "You are the very best parts of each of us and we're so proud of you. So proud to be your parents."

He reached out and rubbed her small back. "We are, baby," he said.

Rayna took a deep breath. "Maddie, I will tell you that I loved your father very much, for a long time. And while it hurt so much to break up, it was the only thing we could do. In the middle of all that, I found out I was pregnant with you and that was such a gift." She smiled hopefully. "You were never a mistake. You were the very best thing your father could leave me with and I treasured that. And we promised each other that we would always do the best we could for you." She leaned in and kissed Maddie on the forehead. "I know this is really hard for you to know and I'm sorry. Your father's sorry. But you're also very lucky, because you have three parents who love you so much. You know?"

Maddie nodded and then she leaned into Rayna and hugged her. "I love you, Mom," she said. She turned to him and threw her arms around him. "I love you too, Dad."

He hugged her tight. "I love you, sweet girl," he said and then he kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him and he said, "Why don't you go wash your face and we can go out for tacos or something tonight, okay?"

Maddie smiled at him. "Okay." Then she got up and ran for the bathroom.

Rayna stood then and he did as well. She clasped her hands together in front of her. "Thanks for letting me come," she said. He raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled apologetically. "Okay, so I would have come anyway. But thanks." Then she reached out and put her hand on his arm. "I think we did okay. And I do understand that it couldn't be helped." She took a step towards him. "We've done good with her, I think."

He nodded. "Yeah."

Just then Maddie came running back out. She flew into Rayna's arms. "Can you go with us for tacos, Mom?" she asked.

"No, sweetie, I need to get back home. But you have a good rest of the week with your father." She hugged Maddie again. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too." Maddie stepped back and he walked Rayna to the front door.

"Thanks," he said, keeping his voice low. She looked at him questioningly. "For helping me out." She nodded and then walked out onto the porch and down the steps. Then he closed the door.

 **Rayna**

 _2008_

When Deacon dropped Maddie off, Rayna sent her off to unpack. Then she turned back to Deacon. "Do you have some time? I'd like for us to talk," she said.

He raised his eyebrows, but then shrugged. "Sure."

"Let's go out back then." She walked him through the butler's pantry and out to the patio overlooking the pool. It was mid-October, but still pleasant out. When they were seated, she took a deep breath and then she turned to him. "I guess we should talk about Maddie and how we talk to her about…us. And everything else."

He breathed in and nodded. "What do you want to tell her?"

She frowned slightly. "I want us to decide together, Deacon." It annoyed her that he seemed to want to abdicate this responsibility. "You're her father and this is as much about you as it is about me."

He looked at her. "But we always end up doing things your way, Rayna."

She sat back in surprise. "That's not true!" she cried.

He raised his eyebrows. "Ain't it? I mean, _you_ decided how things were gonna be when Maddie was born. _You_ married Teddy. _You_ made the decision as to whether I was fit to be Maddie's father." He paused. " _You_ made the decision to get a divorce." She saw a mix of pain and anger in his eyes. "You got mad 'cause I told her we were married. Like it embarrassed you. Like you didn't want her to know."

She looked down at her hands. That was fair. She hadn't meant for it to sound that way, but she just had not given thought to how to explain it to Maddie one day. She hadn't been ready for it to come up. And she'd told Deacon many times that she never regretted their time together, and that was true also. She looked back at him. "I wasn't embarrassed, Deacon. I am sorry how that all came out. I guess I just, I don't know, I thought we'd have more time before she had questions. And I wanted us to talk to her about it together. After we'd had some time to figure it out. Together." She was twisting her hands in her lap. "We're partners, as far as she's concerned. She's _our_ beautiful daughter, conceived in love."

She could see him swallow and then look down at his hands. "It don't feel like we're partners, Ray," he said softly. "I feel like I'm Maddie's daddy every other week, but you don't get involved in that and when she ain't with me, it's like I don't exist. You and Teddy make the rules and" – he looked up towards the sky – "I just gotta go along with it." He looked over at her and she could see his eyes were glistening. "She's my daughter. I just wanna do right by her."

"She's _our_ daughter, Deacon," she said.

He frowned. "I know that, Rayna. But she comes from _me_ , not Teddy. I know you don't want there to be weirdness for the girls, but I should have more say when it comes to her. I feel like I'm standing on the sidelines, again, hoping I don't screw up."

She caught her breath. She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "You're a good father, Deacon. Maddie adores you." She sighed. "I guess we needed to do this, because I think you're probably right. We don't talk enough about Maddie, together. We hand her off to each other and we spend some time together with her in the summers on tour, but we don't really talk to each other about her." She squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry about that."

He breathed in and nodded. "I know you wanna protect her, Ray. I do too. But she's growing up and, like I said, she's smart and she pays attention. I know she's a quiet girl, but she's always watching, always listening. We gotta be honest with her about stuff."

She nodded. "I know. She's getting older." She sighed. "So, I've been thinking about this for the last couple days." He looked at her with curiosity. "Now that she and Daphne are both older and in school, I'm going to cut back some on touring. Concentrate it mostly in the summer months, when I can have them both with me. And you'll be there, of course. But, I guess, be here more, where I can be more involved. And you can too, with Maddie." She moved her hand and rested her elbow on the armrest of her chair. "I don't want you to feel left out, Deacon, where Maddie's concerned. So I'm gonna be sure I pay attention to that. School things and activities. And maybe we make sure the three of us spend some time together, so we can answer her questions. Talk to her about whatever she wants to talk about." She breathed in. "I don't think she needs to know the worst of it all. She just needs to know we love her."

He nodded. "Sounds good." He reached over and took her hand. "I know you just wanna take care of her. Protect her. Give her this great life. I do too. But, you know, our lives are messy. She's gonna find out a lot of it sooner than we probably want her to. We just gotta be prepared."

She squeezed his hand. "Yeah, we do." She breathed out then and, letting go of his hand, stood up. He stood up as well. "We can do this, Deacon." Then she stepped towards him and put her arms around his waist, hugging him close. She closed her eyes when she felt him wrap his arms around her back.

 _We can do this._

 **Rayna**

 _2009_

It had been a busy day. After taking the girls to school, she'd met with Bucky at the house to go over the tour schedule and her recording schedule. The downside of not letting the tour last from May to October was that she would have fewer breaks. But the girls would be with her so it didn't feel as problematic. Of course Maddie complained.

" _Mom, now I won't be able to go to soccer camp," she had whined._

 _Rayna frowned. "Since when have you been interested in soccer?" she asked._

 _Maddie had rolled her eyes. "Since all year, Mom. But, because I'm not very good, soccer camp would be good. And I'm going to miss ballet lessons. And piano."_

 _Rayna put her hands on her hips. "I thought you liked to go on the road with me."_

 _Maddie wrung her hands. "I do. But we'll never be home. And what about my friends?"_

 _Rayna wasn't sure what to say. This had seemed like such a perfect idea when she'd come up with it. Deacon had warned her that Maddie was not enthusiastic about it, but she hadn't really expected this. "Well, sweetheart, sometimes we have to make sacrifices," she said. "I'm sacrificing a longer tour so I can have more time with you and your sister. And it means you'll be able to do all the things you want to do during the school year."_

 _Maddie had looked at her then like she had two heads. "I was already doing that." She shook her head sadly and walked upstairs, leaving Rayna dumbfounded._

She and Bucky sat at the table as he walked her through the schedule. All arenas, with two opening acts. She would do fewer of the midsized cities, concentrating on major markets. They would start rehearsing in two weeks, going into the studio in six weeks. It would still be busy, but she was glad to be in Nashville more.

"I've got you confirmed at the Opry in three weeks," Bucky said. "Is Teddy going to want to be there?"

Rayna thought about that. Teddy had been working a lot of late hours and he'd often come home seeming out of sorts, for months, when she really thought about it. She'd tried talking to him about it, but he would deflect, saying it was just business. _The economy is bad, people are rethinking investments_ , the kinds of things she really knew so little about. He drank more than he normally did, which really wasn't saying much. He would typically have a whiskey neat when he came home from work, but now it was more like two or, very occasionally, three. Nothing alarming, but she noticed it. She shrugged. "I don't know. I'll ask him. But things have been pretty crazy at work, I guess," she said.

Bucky nodded. "Just let me know." Then he went on to discuss some radio promotions as well as appointments for cowrites and to listen to demos. And then he was on his way.

She had lunch with Tandy and then a session with her stylist. She raced to the school to pick up the girls and then, when they were home, fixed snacks and caught up on their days. But Teddy still wasn't home at dinnertime, which worried her. She tried calling him at his office, but got no answer. His cell phone went straight to voice mail. She knew he'd been stressed for weeks, so she tried not to get too worried. He was still not home when it was time for the girls to go to bed. She had reassured them that Dad just had a lot going on at work and that he would check in on them when he got home. But she was starting to panic.

She had never felt this way about Teddy, this panic and gut-clenching worry. It didn't feel as desperate as it had when she was with Deacon, but because this was so out of character, she couldn't help but be overwhelmed with anxiety. She still couldn't reach him and that scared her more than anything. Teddy didn't drink to excess, but his father was an alcoholic. Just like Deacon's father. So that meant he could be predisposed to it. She had no idea where to look for Teddy though. She considered hospitals and jails, but couldn't let her mind fully go to those places yet.

* * *

When he finally showed up, he was, in fact, drunk. He looked disheveled, which was so unlike him. At first he wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't explain what was going on, but finally, haltingly, he laid it all out for her. The frantic attempts to fulfill the promise of the Cumberland deal. The extent of the impact to investors, themselves included. And then the implosion. The deal was dead, in spectacular fashion. Teddy was out of a job. And they were near financial ruin.

After she calmly and stoically got Teddy upstairs and into bed, she went into the bathroom and threw up.

 **Bucky**

 _2009_

Rayna called him early. "Hey, Buck, how difficult would it be to beef up the tour? Add dates?" she asked. He thought she sounded almost wooden.

"Well, that depends on what you mean by beefed up, Rayna," he said.

She sounded irritated as she sighed. "It means, can you get more tour dates? I need to add on to the tour. What about the mid-sized markets we skipped the first time around?"

"Some of them may not still be available, but I'll check. Are you willing to headline festivals?"

"If it pays money, I'll do it."

Something didn't feel right to him. "Is everything okay, Rayna?" he asked.

She was quiet on the other end. Finally she said, "Teddy lost his job. And a good bit of our savings. So I need to increase my tour dates. Can you handle it?"

Something in her voice told him she wouldn't elaborate more than that. At least not now. "I'm on it," he said. "I'll let you know what I come up with."

"Thanks, Buck." Then she hung up.

 **Deacon**

 _2009_

He was surprised to see Rayna at his door so early in the morning. "Hey," he said, when he opened the door.

She stood twisting her hands together and she looked like she might have been crying. "Are you alone?" she asked.

He frowned. "Yeah. Why? What's going on?"

She breathed in. "Can I come in?"

He stepped back. "Sure, come on." She walked past him and he closed the door. When he turned back to her, she was pacing in front of the fireplace, twisting her hands together. He hadn't seen her this anxious in a while and wondered what was going on. "What's up, Ray?" he asked quietly.

She turned to him and he saw a look on her face he hadn't seen since, well, since they had been together. She breathed in and out and then finally said, looking away from him, "You'll probably hear about it, but Teddy's project failed."

He didn't pay attention to much about what Teddy was up to, but it had been hard to miss all the publicity around his development project along the river. There had been the usual amount of back and forth as to whether that kind of development was good or bad for Nashville. He didn't have an opinion on it, really, as it wouldn't directly affect him. He wasn't sure what it meant, though, for the project to fail. "Um, okay," he said. "So what does that mean?" He assumed it must be a big deal or Rayna wouldn't look this distressed.

She threw her hands out to her side. "It means that financially Teddy and I are in a pretty precarious situation," she said.

He frowned in confusion. "What?"

She put her hands on her hips and looked like she was going to cry. "He invested some of our money. A lot more than I realized, actually, and with the project dead, we've lost that." Then she did start to cry and he walked over to her and took her in his arms, rubbing her back as she wept. When she started to relax, he couldn't help but think about how long it had been since he'd held her and how good it felt to be doing it. He still didn't really understand what it all meant, but he didn't mind comforting her.

She finally stopped crying and stepped back. She looked at him and laughed a little, reaching out to touch his shirt. "I got your shirt wet," she said. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Ain't nothing," he said. He looked at her, his eyes filled with concern. "So, I don't understand. What does it all mean?"

She sighed, then went over and sat down on his couch. He followed and sat next to her. As he watched her, he saw her performance side take over. Her face was mostly expressionless, her body language tight, and the vibe she put out was as though she were talking about someone else. "So, Teddy lost his job, along with most of our money," she said. "From what I understand, this pretty much ruins him in the real estate business. And maybe that's not fair, because, as Tandy tells me, he's not the only one this has happened to. Apparently the economy sucks and he's just a casualty of that. A pretty significant casualty, but, you know." She looked at him then and he saw the tiniest bit of fear in her eyes. "So, I've asked Bucky to see what he can do to build out the tour. Add more dates."

"You sure you gotta do that, Ray? What about the studio time?"

She frowned. "I _do_ need to do it, Deacon, if I want to keep our heads above water. I need a sold out tour with eighty dates or more. So it means we'll be out on the road a lot more than I had planned, which is unfortunate. But" – and she made a face – "Teddy's home now so he can watch the girls." She gave him a rueful smile. "Small positives, huh? No need to pay for babysitters."

"What about the record?"

She sighed. "I've gotta step it up on listening to demos. I don't have time to do any writing myself now, so we'll have to fill in with other songs."

"We could put out a greatest hits," he said. "To get us over the hump."

She scowled. "I'm not doing a greatest hits record, Deacon, you know that." He did know that. She had told him, years ago, that greatest hits albums were for legacy artists. And she didn't intend to be one of those for a very long time. "We'll just figure out recording time as we go. Maybe we can find some studios on the road, if we need it."

He felt bad for her. She looked devastated. "What do you need me to do?" he asked.

She smiled a little. "Just keep it all running," she said. Then she sighed and sat back against the back of the couch. "I never thought this would happen. I blame myself, partly, for not listening as closely as I should have. But I just can't believe Teddy's put us in this position, you know? I don't know what to think, how to even feel about him right now."

"Rayna," he said, his voice firm and brittle. She looked at him, a little startled. "We can't do that." He could see the realization creep over her. He couldn't get into the middle of her marriage. He couldn't let himself go there and he could see she understood that.

She breathed in then and nodded. She stood up. "I guess I should go," she said. "I'm sorry I came so early, but, you know, I'd just dropped the girls off at school." She took a deep breath. "So, we'll need to speed things up, is what I wanted to tell you. As soon as Bucky has a revised tour schedule, we can work the rest out around that. You okay with that?"

He nodded. "I can do whatever you need, Ray," he said. "We'll get through it."

She smiled, a little sadly, and put her hand on his arm. "Thanks, Deacon," she said softly. "For everything. I mean it." She headed for the door and he followed her. He opened the door to let her out and she turned back to him. "I'm glad I have your support."

There didn't really seem to be anything to say to that, so he just nodded. She turned and walked out the door. He watched her as she went down the steps and then he walked out to stand at the edge of the porch. He kept his eyes on her as she walked out to her car. Her body language said she would get through this, just like she had everything else. And he would support her, any way he could.

 **Rayna**

 _2009_

She let herself into her suite. When she walked into the bedroom, she saw that the bed was turned down and the bedside lamp was on. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, putting her phone on the table. She took off her shoes and then moved to sit back against the headboard. It had been a good show. They'd had very little time to rehearse before the extra shows Bucky had added, but she'd not noticed any rustiness. That was due, she knew, in large part to Deacon.

Bucky had been able to quickly book seven extra weeks of shows on the front end of the tour and as many on the back end. She was thinking they needed to try to tour through the end of the year, but they'd work that out later. She closed her eyes and sighed. It had been hard to leave. Hard to tell the girls she was going back much sooner than she'd planned. They had both been unhappy, but Maddie especially. _You're taking Dad away from me too!_ She felt a lump in her throat and unbidden tears burned her eyes.

She'd hardly been able to look at Teddy. He had been angry when she told him she was extending the tour, but what choice had she had? They were hanging on, financially, by a thread. She had told him she thought it was best, too, that she be gone, so she could really think about the future. _Their_ future. It wasn't the failure of his project that was the issue. If that was all it was, she would have been right there to support him. It was the money and the fact that he'd used more of theirs than he'd told her up front.

She felt like she didn't know him anymore. When she called the girls, he would always want to talk to her too, but she was usually short with him. She just wasn't ready to forgive him. It all just hurt so much.

She got up from the bed then and changed into a t-shirt and jeans. She walked out into the sitting room and paced. She was too wired from the after party to go to bed. She stood by the window for a moment, then sighed. She walked back into the bedroom and slid on some flats. Then she walked back out, picked up her door card, and left her room.

 **Deacon**

 _2009_

He was in bed, with the lights out, but he couldn't fall asleep. He'd gone to the after party that night, something he didn't always do, and now he was having a hard time shutting down. He'd come back to the room and played around with a song, but the inspiration wasn't there, and so he'd just decided to try to sleep. But he lay there, his hands behind his head, his eyes wide open.

He'd been surprised with how quickly Bucky had been able to beef up Rayna's tour, but it just showed how in demand she was. He still didn't know all the details around why she needed to lengthen the tour, but he'd decided it wasn't something he wanted to get into with her. One of the things he'd always tried to do was stay out of her personal life with Teddy. Since this obviously had to do with Teddy, he'd left it alone and just concentrated on doing his job.

When he heard a knock on his door, he frowned. He looked over at the bedside clock. It was almost one. He rolled over and sat up, turning on the light, then reached for a t-shirt he'd thrown on the floor. He pulled it on as he stood up and then he padded over to the door. He looked out through the peephole and was surprised to see Rayna standing there. He opened the door. "Hey," he said.

She gave him a tiny smile. "Hey." She bit her lip then. "Can I come in?"

He thought he probably ought to say no, but it was late and he was wired anyway, so he stepped back to let her in. He closed the door behind her and turned to look at her. She was standing with her back to him and he took a deep breath. "What's going on, Ray?" he asked, looking at her guardedly.

She turned to face him. "I can't sleep," she said.

He breathed in. "Why not?"

She sighed and it looked like all the air had gone out of her. "I miss my girls," she said, her voice quivering a little. "I miss my life." He felt his heart squeeze when she said that. She bit her lip. "I'm lonely."

They were in dangerous territory now. It was the middle of the night and they were in his room, far away from Nashville. She was in pain, that was obvious, had been since whatever it was had happened with Teddy. He thought it would be too easy for something to happen. It wasn't that he didn't want it to, but he thought she might regret it later. "Rayna, you should probably go," he said then.

She looked at him, her eyes filled with a sadness he hadn't seen since, well, since they'd been together. She nodded. "I know." She walked up to him and put one hand on his arm. "I just don't know what to do," she whispered.

He breathed in slowly. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable, and he didn't want to take advantage of that. He closed his eyes for a moment and then he leaned down to kiss her forehead, but she looked up and his lips were brushing hers instead. He let his mouth linger there, longer than he should have, and then he put his hands on her arms and pushed back. He looked down at her, her mouth slightly open. It took every ounce of strength he had not to take her right then. "You should go," he said again, his voice soft.

She bit her lip. "I know," she said and he could hear the catch in her voice. "I just needed to know…I guess, I needed to know you were still with me."

He worked his lip, his self-control feeling like it was fraying fast. "I'm always with you, Rayna," he said. "You know that. But…not like this. Not now."

She sighed deeply and then stepped out of his grasp. She walked to the door and he turned to follow her. When she had her hand on the door knob, she turned her head back to look at him. "I love you," she said. "So many different ways."

He swallowed over the lump in his throat. "I love you too, Ray. The same." Then he watched as she walked out the door, pulling it closed behind her and he closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He knew neither of them would sleep the rest of the night.

 **Rayna**

 _2010_

These days there weren't many opportunities for breaks, at least not back to Nashville, without incurring considerable expense. They'd just had a five day break at home, the first one in three months, and then hit the road for Oklahoma City, followed by Dallas. They had arrived in Houston the day before, in time to do some recording at a local studio, finishing up late in the evening. Rayna missed her girls terribly, but she had resigned herself to the fact that she needed to push herself to do this, for the benefit of her family.

Things were still strained with Teddy, although time seemed to temper the initial anger and disappointment. He'd seemed to settle into his role as caretaker for the girls and she did find it comforting to know that he was there to take them to school and to activities and to make dinner in the evenings. She could tell, when they talked or on the rare trips home, that he was restless. Sometimes he seemed to be a shadow of his former self, but she didn't let herself dwell on it long. The fact that she was on the road nearly ten months out of the year was due to him. They were still digging out of the hole he'd left them in and, as their accountants had sadly told them, would be for the foreseeable future. When she allowed herself to think about that, she got angry, and she couldn't afford that.

Her last album, _Southern Stars_ , had gone triple platinum, in large part based on her touring schedule, so it was a double-edged sword of sorts. The show in Houston wasn't until the next night, so they had a whole day off. She wanted to do something that would take her mind off the state of affairs of her life. They were staying at a hotel attached to a huge mall and she had seen that it had an ice skating rink on the lower level. So she picked up her phone and called Deacon.

"Hey, Ray," he answered. "What's up?"

She grinned to herself. "Do you still remember how to ice skate?" she asked. When she was growing up, Nashville had a single ice skating rink and, after having watched Olympic ice skating when she was young, she had begged her parents to take lessons. They had agreed and she had found an immense joy in the solitary sport of ice skating. It was the only sport she actually was any good at and she always tried to take advantage of her opportunities to skate. After she had met and married Deacon, she had talked him into going with her. He'd been very clumsy at first and wanted to give up a hundred times, but he'd finally gotten the hang of it and, at least early in their marriage, it was something they would do when they had the opportunity.

"What?" He sounded surprised.

She laughed. "There's a rink in the mall. I thought we could go ice skating."

"Ah, Ray, I ain't been skating since, well, in fifteen years, at least. Probably more."

"Oh, you'll pick it back up. It never leaves you."

He chuckled. "Who told you that?"

She shrugged on her end and smiled. "I just believe it. Come on. Meet me in the lobby. Please, Deacon?"

She heard him sigh on the other end. "Okay, I guess. But you remember you begged me when I break my arm and can't play."

She laughed. "I'll see you downstairs."

* * *

She giggled as she watched him cling to the side rail. He scowled at her. "I told you I wasn't no good at this anymore," he said.

"You can do it," she said. She held out her hand. "Take my hand." He hesitated, but he finally put his hand in hers. She felt that little current of electricity and she took a deep breath. "Let's go around first like this," she said. "You can still hold the rail if you want."

By halfway around the rink, he finally let go and they moved a little more towards the center. She didn't go too fast, because she could tell he was still unsure of himself, but they finally were moving more smoothly together. At one point, they gently bumped each other, and she looked up at him. "See, you got it back."

He grinned and shook his head. "I think it's 'cause you're here," he said. "I sure never done this by myself." He didn't even fall once, although there were a handful of times he was a little shaky.

After an hour or so went by, they called it quits and headed back to drop off their skates. "That was fun," she said, smiling. "Thanks for being a good sport and going with me."

He grinned. "It did go better than I thought."

She looked up at him. "Come up and have hot chocolate with me. For old times' sake."

 **Deacon**

 _2010_

He breathed in as he looked at her. Her cheeks were a little flushed from the combination of the exercise and the chill in the air at the rink. Her eyes were sparkling and her smile was soft and inviting. "I don't know, Ray," he started.

"Oh, come on. Just hot chocolate. That's all."

He supposed it didn't hurt to do that. He shrugged. "Sure." She smiled and he followed her to the escalator that led to the elevator lobby.

* * *

The hot chocolate was delivered by room service quickly and they sat on opposite ends of the couch in her suite, talking mostly about the girls and about Maddie's activities. He was starting to feel a little uncomfortable, being in her suite with no one else around them. When she let her guard down, which wasn't often, she seemed fragile. They hadn't really talked still about Teddy's troubles. He knew Teddy was still staying at home. Whether he couldn't get a job or just wasn't, Deacon wasn't clear, but it was beneficial for the girls, so he left it alone.

Rayna had been pushing herself over the last year or so. She'd extended her tour the previous year and then put together an even more rigorous calendar this year. She had not had as much time to write, either alone or with cowriters, and they had listened to countless demos, almost constantly, looking for great songs for her. The good news was that she could make almost any song sound good, but she was always looking for something special. It was also good news, from her perspective, that he knew her well enough to help her do that.

He'd listened to a handful of demos before she had called him to go skating. "I think I found a song for you to listen to," he said, after a lull in the conversation.

She had been standing by the full length windows and she turned to look at him. "I'd just like to not think about that for a bit," she said, with a sigh.

He stood up then, thinking it was a good time for him to go. "That's okay. I guess I should go…."

"Don't go," she said. He heard something in her voice, something vulnerable, and he knew he should have gone anyway. But he didn't. He walked over and stood next to her, an arm's length between them. She crossed her arms over her waist. "You know, you've been really like a rock for me. The past year or so, you know."

He worked his lip. "I just wanna do what I can," he said.

He could feel it then. It was so powerful, it was almost like it hung in the air between them. It had always felt like he'd known her all his life, that she'd been a part of him for all that time. And here they stood, just the two of them, no one else around, and the pull was strong. The ache that was always there, just under the surface, almost overwhelmed him. It was a lonely feeling, that he lived with every day, not having her. There were times he wondered why he tortured himself this way, but still he stayed, and he pushed down the feelings as best he could. He often thought about whether she felt the same, and he thought she must, but she'd made her choice all those years ago. She was feeling off-center right now, he knew, and he was sure that played on her mind.

As though she could hear his thoughts, she stepped towards him and gently laid her palm on his chest, over his heart. "I miss you sometimes, you know?" she said, so softly he almost couldn't hear her.

He breathed in, then covered her hand with his. "I know," he said.

The air between them was heavy. He could scarcely breathe and everything around them seemed to just fade away. He could feel the pull again, was ready to take her in his arms. The way she looked at him, he could see something in her eyes, in her expression, that seemed to be calling out to him. They were all alone, no one was watching, no one would know what happened behind closed doors. It was actually the first time since that night in Kansas City that he'd truly contemplated crossing the line. He was pretty sure she felt the same. Then her room phone rang and they stepped apart, almost as though they'd each touched a live wire. She looked away, then back at him, the expression in her eyes gone, and then she walked over to pick up the phone. He heard her say hello as he turned and left her room, not looking back.

 **Teddy**

 _2010_

He stayed in the kitchen, cleaning up, watching Rayna in the den with the girls. He knew these long tours were wearing on her and she had been excited to finally be home. She would be able to be off through the holidays and into January, a rare luxury these days. He was putting away the last of the pots and pans and, when he turned back, he was surprised to see her standing at the edge of the island, watching him. He smiled a little warily. Things had been better between the two of them, but he'd found himself wondering if things would ever get back to normal. "Did you need something?" he asked, a little hesitantly.

She smiled a little. "Popcorn," she said. "We thought it was a good night for a family movie."

He smiled back at her. "I agree."

* * *

When he walked out of his closet, she was sitting on the side of the bed, smoothing lotion over her arms. "I'll bet you're tired," he said to her back.

She stopped and sighed. "A little. But I slept some on the bus, so not too bad." She got up and walked over to her vanity, picking up a brush and running it through her hair. She caught his gaze in the mirror. "Are you coming to the show tomorrow night?" It would be the last night of her tour, ending in Nashville as she always did.

He nodded. "Yeah. And I'm bringing the girls. They're really excited."

She smiled a little. "Good." She set her brush down and seemed to hesitate a moment before she turned to face him. He felt a pit in his stomach, wondering if she was going to tell him she was leaving him or ask him to move out of the bedroom. She seemed a little uncomfortable, not looking directly at him at first. Then she finally turned her gaze on him. "I know things have been, well, a little tense between us." She shrugged a little, then sighed. "I know it's not all your fault, what happened."

He felt the smallest amount of hopefulness. "I've been on the lookout for a new job and…."

She shook her head. "Actually, unless you just really feel you have to, I've really appreciated that you could be here…for the girls."

He smiled. "I love being here for them."

She nodded. "It makes me feel better too, you know. I mean, I hate being away from them, and I'll still want them to come out with me, when it makes sense, but I think it's good for them to have a sense of, you know, normalcy, or something." She glanced away momentarily, then back at him. "I'd like us to feel that way too, again, about each other, Teddy. Normal."

He breathed in. "I'd like that too, Rayna. I mean, I'm really sorry about how everything went down and all that."

"I know you are. And I know not my not being around has made things…harder. But I really want us to get back on even ground. So I think we should really work on that, while I'm home this time."

He felt a sense of relief wash over him. "I'd like that too," he said. And for the first time since everything had gone down with the Cumberland project, he finally felt like he was seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel.

 **Rayna**

 _2011_

Rayna was in the music room, trying to work through some lyrics, when her phone buzzed. She saw it was Deacon. "Hey, there," she said.

"Something's wrong with Maddie," he blurted out, sounding flustered.

She threw her notebook down and sat up. "What?" Her heart started to race.

"She's in the bathroom and she won't come out. Says you need to come over here." She could picture him, standing in his kitchen, his fingers raking through his hair, his eyes all panicky. "Rayna, she's been in there forever."

She relaxed then and smiled to herself. "Okay, I'll come over. Tell her I'm on my way." She started to disconnect, then said, "Deacon?"

"Yeah?"

"Has she been, uh, kind of cranky?"

She heard him let out a short laugh. "She done tried my patience for the last two days. Nothing I done is right."

She was pretty sure she knew what was going on. "Okay, well, I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

When she got to Deacon's, he opened the door almost as soon as she knocked. She smiled at him, noting that he looked frazzled. "Hey," she said, as she walked in.

"Thank God you're here. I keep trying to help, but she keeps telling me to leave her alone. And she still won't come out."

She put her hand on his arm and patted it. "It's okay. I'll talk to her." She set her purse down on the couch and started for the bathroom and he fell in behind her. She turned. "Why don't you wait out there?" she said, pointing to the living room. He looked confused. "It's a girl thing," she whispered.

He raised his eyebrows, then she could see realization set in. He held his hands up and backed away. "She's all yours," he said.

She smiled at him, then turned and walked up to the bathroom door. She knocked gently. "Maddie, honey? It's me."

The door opened and Maddie stood there, looking like she'd been crying. "Oh my gosh, I thought you'd never get here," she said and she reached for Rayna's arm to pull her in.

Rayna shut the door behind her and then held up the bag she had in her hands. "I brought you everything you need," she said. "The box has instructions and there's a pair of panties in there for you. I know we've talked about this, but if you get confused, I can answer your questions."

Maddie looked like she wanted to cry. "My pajamas are ruined," she said, her voice shaky.

Rayna smiled sympathetically. "They're not ruined, sweetie. I'll take 'em home and wash 'em and they'll be good as new. I can get you some clean ones, though. Do you have some in your dresser?"

"Dad will notice," she said, looking miserable.

Rayna smiled. "Honey, your father will not notice, I promise you. He does not pay attention to things like that." Maddie nodded then and Rayna turned.

"Mom?" Rayna turned back to her. "Don't tell Dad." Rayna just smiled at her and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She headed towards Maddie's room and then heard Deacon's footsteps.

She turned and shook her head, making a shooing motion. He frowned. She sighed and then walked towards him. "She's fine," she whispered. "I'll talk to you later." He looked unconvinced, but he turned and walked back to the living room. She went into Maddie's room and pulled open drawers until she found her pajamas. She pulled out a clean pair of bottoms and took them back with her to the bathroom.

"You told him!" Maddie said angrily, as soon as Rayna closed the door.

Rayna shook her head. "I did not. I just told him you were fine." She raised her eyebrows. "Did you have questions?" Maddie shook her head. "Okay, here are some clean pajamas" – she handed them to her daughter – "and I'm going to put these supplies under the sink." She opened the door under the sink.

"No, Mom!" Maddie cried. "He'll see them in there."

Rayna put the box below the sink and closed the door. "No, he won't. But even if he does, he knows what that is. And he won't say a word to you, I promise."

"He won't?" Maddie looked unsure.

Rayna chuckled and then pulled her daughter into a hug. "Honey, he's a man and he does not want to talk about girl things. You can trust me on that." She made a face. "He certainly did not ever want to hear me talk about stuff like that."

After a moment, Maddie smiled shyly. "Okay. I guess I'll be out in a minute." Rayna put her other clothes into the bag she'd brought with her and turned to open the bathroom door. "Mom?" Rayna turned. "Thanks for coming."

Rayna hugged Maddie again. "Of course, sweetie. This is a big step for you. I'm sorry it didn't happen at home, but it's gonna be okay." She kissed Maddie on the forehead. "I'll be out there with your father." Maddie nodded and Rayna walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

When she walked out to the living room, she set the bag on the floor beside the couch. "She okay now?" Deacon asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, she's fine."

"She wanna, I don't know, go back home or something?"

She smiled. "No. She'll be fine." She looked at him teasingly. "Just don't look under the sink in her bathroom, okay?"

He raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. "I will definitely not look under there," he said.

She sat down on the couch next to him. "She's afraid you're gonna say something to her and it feels, you know, awkward to her."

He waved a hand. "I won't say nothing."

She laughed. "I told her you wouldn't." She made a face. "That you are just totally weirded out by, you know, _womanly things_."

He put his hand over his face and shook his head. "She's my little girl, Rayna. I don't need to have that in my head."

Just then Maddie appeared. Rayna looked at her and smiled. "Hey there, sweet girl," she said. "Everything okay?" Maddie nodded. Rayna stood up then. "Well, I'm gonna go on back home." She walked over and hugged her daughter. "Maybe your father will take you out for, I don't know, a special breakfast or something." She looked back at Deacon, whose face turned pale. She grinned and looked back at Maddie. "Or he'll make you his world famous scrambled eggs. Those always made me feel better when I wasn't feeling so hot."

Deacon had stood up by then. "Maybe scrambled eggs and bacon?" he said.

Maddie smiled shyly and nodded. "That sounds good," she said.

Rayna was glad to see Deacon looked a little more relaxed then. She put her hand on Maddie's head and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. "I'll let y'all get back to it then," she said. She picked up her purse and the bag. "I'll see y'all on Saturday."

Deacon walked her to the door and then went out on the porch with her. "Thanks," he said.

She smiled. "She's growing up." She felt a little wistful. "Sometimes I wish she'd just stay a little girl, you know?"

He smirked. "Yes, I do know. And I ain't looking forward to her being a teenager."

She laughed and then turned and, with a wave, walked down the steps and out to her car. As she drove off, she thought about how this had been something for the three of them to go through together. It was just one of the many milestones Maddie would go through in her life, but it gave her a warm feeling inside to know she and Deacon had weathered this one together.

 **Deacon**

 _2011_

They had just driven by Percy Warner Park when Maddie brought it up again. "Will you ask her, Dad? About the last name thing?"

He glanced over at her and frowned. "Why don't you ask her? It don't matter to me."

Maddie looked hurt. "Really? You don't care?"

He realized it had not come out the way he'd meant. "It ain't that I don't _care_ , Maddie. But maybe she wanted it that way." He raised his eyebrows. "You're still a Claybourne inside." She sighed deeply and then crossed her arms over her chest, looking out the window. He smiled a little. "I'll ask her."

* * *

When Rayna let them in, Maddie went running off to her room, leaving him standing in the kitchen with her. She looked at him with surprise. "I hardly even got a hello," she said, looking a little incredulous.

He smiled. "What does Daphne call her, a tween?" He shook his head. "I think she's just ready to be a grown up. And thinks she already is."

She laughed. "I'll agree with you on that."

He hesitated a second, then rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "She, uh, she asked me something. Something she wanted me to ask _you_."

She frowned. "Something she wanted _you_ to ask me?"

He nodded. "Why her last name is Jaymes." He raised his eyebrows. "'Stead of Claybourne."

"Oh." She breathed out and considered that. "Does she want to change it?"

"I think what she wants is to know why her sister's last name is Conrad and hers ain't Claybourne. Why you didn't give her that name. Or change it."

She looked at him. "I guess you're wondering that too."

"You told me why you done it, back when she was born."

"Well, I know I did. Because, you know, things were unsettled then."

He put his hands on his hips. "And she's twelve now. And things ain't been unsettled for a long time."

She looked at him and nodded. "That is true." She tilted her head slightly to one side. "Is that what she wants? Is that what _you_ want?"

He lifted his shoulders and then breathed out. "It ain't really about me. I think it's her."

She slid her hands into her pockets. "I think it _is_ about you. I bet it's bothered you for a long time."

He frowned. " _She_ brought it up, Rayna," he said.

"So you're telling me you never gave it a thought? Never wondered if I might change it, at some point?"

He bit his lip and looked away. "I can't say that." He looked back at her. "I got over it though. Least you didn't call her Conrad."

"Well, _that_ didn't seem right to me." She looked down, then back up at him. "If that's what the two of you want, I'm not opposed. It wouldn't be a big deal to change it. You're already listed as her father on her birth certificate, so legally it would make sense." She breathed in. "You think that's what she wants?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I think she wants to consider it."

She was quiet for a moment. "Let's go outside," she said, finally. He nodded and followed her. They walked out to the patio and sat down next to each other. She looked over at him and gave him a tiny smile. "You've been a really good father to her, Deacon," she said. "Everything I could have hoped for. I think sometimes maybe you don't believe that, but it's true."

"I believe it, Ray."

"I think you feel like I'm watching you, Deacon. But I'm not. I haven't done that in years." She reached over and put her hand on his arm. "Maddie loves you and she looks up to you. And I'm so grateful that you're part of her life." She bit her lip. "I know I've told you before how glad I was she's yours. That was my dream, you know. To have babies with you." He felt an ache in his heart, listening to her, her voice soft and filled with emotion. "All we got was one, but I'm just so proud of her. I look at her every day and I see you in her and that makes me happy. And it makes me happy to see how much you love her." She smiled again. "If this is something the two of you want, I'm happy to do it."

He found himself unable to speak, at first. They'd come a long way since that day she'd come to see him in rehab, to tell him he was going to be a father. She'd helped him along the way, made sure he knew what to do, gave him the chance to be in her band so that he could learn how to be a father to Maddie. And then it was up to him and Maddie, to build that relationship, and they had. He took a deep breath. "I don't know if it matters, Rayna, to be honest," he said. "I think she just wanted to know why. So maybe you tell her that. The rest? I'm good. I know she's my daughter, whether she's Maddie Claybourne or not." He smiled. "I actually kinda like Maddie Jaymes."

She smiled back at him and then took his hands. He squeezed hers tightly and they just looked at each other, telling each other, without words, how glad they were to be doing this together. They might have only gotten one child together, but it bound them together for a lifetime, and for now, that was enough.

 _A/N: Yes, I did a period snippet. But I thought it might be fun to see how Deacon might react when it hits closer to home. It also gave Rayna, Deacon, and Maddie a moment._


	21. 2012

**Deacon**

Spring came early in Nashville that year and he and Maddie headed up to the cabin for a day of fishing. It had been one of those things she'd loved doing with him and he suspected one day that would not be the case, so he took advantage of it whenever he could. They had been sitting in the canoe for most of the morning, with little to show for it. He caught Maddie looking at him thoughtfully, but he waited her out.

"Dad?" she said finally. "When did you decide you wanted to be a musician?"

"Gosh, Maddie, I was pretty young. Younger than you, I think. I used to mow lawns when I was a kid, to make money, and I bought this really seriously terrible guitar at a used instrument store." He grinned as he thought back on it. Compared to what he had today, it was probably as poor an instrument as the ukulele he'd bought Maddie when she was four, or the junior guitar when she was seven. "I didn't know how to play, but I'd sit on the steps out front of my house and pretend."

She smiled. "Did you take lessons?"

He shook his head. "Never did. Any chance I got, though, I'd watch other people play and I'd practice imitating them."

"But Mom says you're like the greatest guitar player ever," she said. She made a face. "And I've read that too, so it's gotta be true."

He laughed. "Well, thank you for that, sweet girl, but I ain't sure I'm all that. But I kept at it and learned by getting to be around some of the best and maybe that rubbed off. I still always feel like I could get better."

"When did you start writing songs?"

"I wrote lyrics a long time before I wrote the music. But I guess when I put 'em both together I was maybe fifteen or so. They were really bad though." He chuckled, thinking back on some of those early efforts. "I mean, seriously bad. I'd play 'em for your Aunt Bev and she'd laugh me outta the room."

She tilted her head a little. "Mom says she learned from you."

"Well, she likes to say that, but it ain't completely true. Your mama could write beautiful lyrics even as far back as before I met her."

She smiled. "I love the songs you two wrote together. How come you don't write together anymore?"

He shifted a little in his seat, which rocked the canoe a bit. When they'd smoothed out, he said, "Well, we have written a couple things together, but I guess, well, we wrote a certain kinda song and we just, well, we just can't anymore."

She sat and seemed to absorb that. Then she screwed up her face and looked back at him. "I want to be a singer and a songwriter, but Mom keeps telling me I'm too young and that I have to wait. That I need to go to college." She rolled her eyes.

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, it'd be good if you did, baby. Gives you lots of opportunities. But if you want to sing and write songs, well, I think you should do it."

She sighed deeply. "I wish you could talk to Mom about it. She's being such a pain."

He smiled. He could imagine Rayna brushing it off by telling Maddie she wasn't old enough. The two of them weren't quite on the same page about it, but he thought that if Maddie was starting to push, they'd need to find common ground. "I think she just don't want you running off to be an artist, Maddie. I don't either. Not now. You gotta lot a time before you're ready for that. And a lotta other life to live."

She made a face. "What, like taking algebra tests and playing soccer?"

"Well, yeah. Those are good things to do. You and your sister sing together though, don't you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, we do, and we're in talent shows too." She sat up straight. "Oh, we have one in three weeks. You have to come, Dad."

"I'll be there."

"Please, will you talk to Mom?" She smiled coyly. "I mean, I'm the daughter of country royalty, right? The Queen of Country Music and the top guitar player in country music." She giggled.

He smirked. She sure was a pistol, his girl. "You come by it honest, I'll give you that." He laughed. "I will talk to your mama, I promise."

* * *

When he took Maddie home at the end of the week, he took a few minutes to catch up with Rayna. He leaned on the kitchen island while she worked on cutting up some fruit. "So, Maddie's birthday's in a few weeks," he said. She looked at him then. "She was talking to me this week about playing music and writing songs and stuff and I was thinking maybe I'd get her a nicer guitar. What do you think?"

Rayna made a face. "Are you sure? I mean, she's gonna be thirteen. She's still young and she could change her mind the next day. I'd hate for you to give her something more expensive and then she decides she's interested in something else."

He frowned. "You really think she ain't all that interested? 'Cause she 'bout talked my ear off about it. Has been for years, actually."

She smiled. "Oh, Deacon, you know, she's at that age. Right now it's fun, but who knows?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Weren't you pretty sure about it at thirteen?"

She put her knife down and then picked up a dishcloth, wiping off her hands, not looking at him. "I guess," she said.

He looked at her thoughtfully. "I know I didn't know you when you was thirteen, but I did know you when you was sixteen, and I never seen nobody else as determined as you." She looked back at him then. "She's just like you, Ray."

She made a face. "Oh, Deacon, I hope you didn't encourage her. I mean, I know she thinks she's ready to just go out on the road. Be my opening act or something." She turned to face him. "We've gotta be on the same page about this."

He pushed up from the counter. "Rayna, have you really listened to her? Because she's good."

She frowned. "Of course I've listened to her. And yes, I do realize she's good. But she's not old enough."

He was quiet for a moment. "What happened to you ain't gonna happen to her," he said quietly. She looked away. "We support her, Ray. We got her back. We can help her."

She looked back at him. "I just want more for her…."

He raised his eyebrows. "More than doing what she loves? She's loved this her whole life. You know that." He shrugged. "I just think she could benefit from us already doing this. We can tell her what to look out for."

She smiled a little sadly. "Seriously, Deacon? The girl who wants to do everything herself? Without help? _That_ girl?"

He shrugged. "I just don't want her not to have dreams, Ray. It don't mean we can't encourage. In the right way."

"Things are different these days. You know that. I mean, look at the girls coming up these days. First of all, they're struggling, many of them. And those who aren't?" She rolled her eyes. "Well, they're hardly the role models I want for our daughter. I just don't want her getting mixed up with the wrong people, who'll take her down a path that just sets her up for disappointment."

He nodded. "I hear ya. We just gotta stay close. But we also gotta let her know we support her, right?"

She took a deep breath and then she nodded and smiled. "Yeah, we do." She put her hand on his arm. "Go ahead and get her that guitar. But not too expensive, okay?" She wagged her finger at him.

He smirked. "Got it," he said. "Well, I'll get outta your hair." He reached over and snagged a piece of pineapple off her cutting board. "I thought you didn't like pineapple," he teased.

She swatted his arm. "I don't. But other people in this house do, so I accommodate." She smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal."

He lifted his hand in a wave and headed for the door.

 **Rayna**

"The way everybody talks these days about the business, it makes me feel old." She breathed in. "It wasn't all that long ago that _I_ was the future of country music." She was still out of sorts after what had happened at the Opry the night before. Being told by the label that she was one step away from being a legacy artist and that if she didn't want that to become a reality she needed to tour with Juliette Barnes, galled her. _Juliette Barnes._ Little Miss Sparkly Pants. It made her sick.

She'd had a diva dip at rehearsal. Part of it was the pressure from the label, but she also knew she couldn't afford to take a hit. Things were still dicey for her and Teddy financially and she couldn't afford a tour that wasn't selling out and an album that was a stiff. She'd made Deacon come walk with her, knowing he'd be able to talk her down.

Deacon looked at her. "Well, you been saying you wanted to cut back on dates now that the girls are older, be more involved in what they're doing," he said.

She looked back at him. "Yeah, but _I_ want to make the decision. Not have it made _for_ me."

"You can leave any time you want, Rayna. Come back any time you want. You're still the great Rayna Jaymes. You're not an overnight sensation." He tapped her arm with his elbow and smirked. "Although you are pretty sensational overnight, as I recall."

She gave him a little bit of a warning look and then stepped into one of the observation decks. She leaned back against the railing and sighed. "I'm just not ready to hang up my rhinestones yet," she said.

He leaned against the railing next to her. "Then don't."

She smiled. This was one of those times she was glad she and Deacon had remained friends. Actually, they'd had to become friends, consciously. It had been hard those first few years, after she'd married Teddy and after Maddie was born. Navigating shared parenthood and custody arrangements had been rough in the beginning. There were certainly times when she thought it would have been easier to do what Teddy had suggested, putting his name on Maddie's birth certificate, not telling Deacon, letting Maddie believe she was Teddy's daughter. But she hadn't done that and she hadn't regretted it.

It didn't mean it was easy. Since they shared custody, it meant Maddie spent a lot of time with Deacon, something that had made her nervous early on. But Deacon was a good father and it had turned out to be good for both him and for Maddie. And their own relationship had shifted into a more comfortable place, over the years. She tapped his chest with the back of her hand and sighed. "I just can't believe they want me to _open_ for Juliette Barnes. Listening to her is like…like, I don't know, feral cats, or something." She made a face and shook her head. "Why do people keep pretending she's good?" She looked up at him and caught an odd look on his face. "What? Please don't tell me you think she's good."

He let out a laugh and turned to look out over the river, his hands in his pockets. "I think you're just mad right now, Ray," he said. "I know you didn't like what they told you last night. I get it. And I ain't saying they're right. But Juliette does have some kinda…."

She scowled. "Some kind of _what_?" She raised her eyebrows. "Did she hit on you or something?"

He still didn't really look at her, squinting out into the sun. "She wants to write with me."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Oh, there we go. She got you in your soft spot." He just shook his head and her smile faded. "You wanna do that?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't mind working with other people." He looked at her. "I mean, me and you ain't writing together. And you ain't cutting my songs. So why not?"

She sighed. "She'll want more than just your songwriting skill. You know that, right?" She leaned on the rail. She felt an ache of sadness. "And she'll probably try to steal you away from me."

He leaned on the rail next to her and turned his head to look at her. "I ain't available, Ray. I got a job." He raised his eyebrows. "Until otherwise notified."

She breathed out. "Sometimes I wish I could just do everything all over again."

He looked over at her. "What would you change?"

She thought about that. _Would I really change everything if I could? Would I change anything? Would I go back and fix what happened?_ She sighed. "Nothing." That didn't feel right. She lifted one shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Everything."

 **Juliette**

She wanted him because he was the best lead guitarist and bandleader in town. She wanted him because he was an amazing songwriter and she was sure he could help her take her music in a new direction. She wanted him because, even though he was a lot older than her, he was still hot. But most of all she wanted him because he belonged to Rayna Jaymes.

Not literally, of course, but he sure did seem like someone who just couldn't let go of old habits. She didn't really understand why he was still with Rayna, after all these years. After she'd divorced him. After she'd had his baby, but married someone else instead. He was a legend in Nashville. As much as Rayna was, he was too, for his songwriting and his guitar skills. But she knew she could get him the recognition he deserved. Not like Miss Denim and Rhinestones, who kept him on the sidelines and wouldn't even record his songs.

He resisted her, for a while. Oh, he didn't seem to mind writing songs with her and he didn't mind getting between the sheets with her, but he wouldn't leave Rayna. And for no good reason that she could see, which frustrated the fire out of her.

 _She rolled onto her side and smiled at him. He smiled back. "What?" he said._

 _She made a face. "Who said I wanted to say anything?" she teased._

 _He chuckled, then raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I can see you wanna say something. So why not just say it?"_

 _She pretended to look thoughtful. "I just don't understand why you won't come join my band," she said._

 _He shook his head. "I told you. 'Cause I already have a job."_

 _She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Working for your ex-wife? I mean, y'all surely do still act like some old married couple. Just without the benefits." She looked at him pointedly._

 _He frowned slightly. "It ain't like that."_

" _Isn't it? It's like you're just waiting for her to walk away from her life."_

 _He rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed. "We ain't talking about Rayna," he said, gruffly, standing up._

" _Oh, come on, I'm sorry. You don't have to go," she pleaded._

" _Actually, I do," he said, walking over to pick up his clothes._

 _She groaned and rolled onto her back, closing her eyes._

She figured he'd have to come around eventually. She just needed to figure out a way to nudge him.

 **Deacon**

"What the hell is that?" The way Rayna enunciated every word and the obviously restrained, yet angry, tone in her voice told Deacon he was in for a serious blow up. She looked at Bucky, who was standing there uncomfortably. "Bucky, could you give us a sec?" she asked.

Bucky nodded gratefully. "I'll just see y'all tomorrow," he said. Giving Deacon a sympathetic look, the other man scurried out of the room.

Rayna didn't say anything, didn't move, just tapped her fingers on the offending guitar case. Deacon broke the silence. "Sometimes a guitar is just a guitar, Rayna" he said, knowing she wasn't going to buy that.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is it?" she asked. "Is it just a guitar, Deacon? A _fifty thousand dollar_ guitar?" He said nothing, just stood watching her, one hand on his hip. She shook her head. "What in the world were you thinking?"

He shrugged. "All I did was a little writing with her," he said, although he couldn't really look her straight in the eye when he said that.

She threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes. "Seriously?" She glared at him then. "Did you, for one second, _think_ about how this might look to our daughter? Our _thirteen_ year old daughter?"

He huffed. "Well, I know she's a big fan of Juliette's, even if _you_ don't like it. And right now, we both know she's at that age where she don't think her parents are all that cool, no matter who we are." He knew that would get under her skin. Maddie was singularly _not_ impressed with Rayna's status in the country music world right then.

Rayna shook her head incredulously. "But she _is_ at an age where she surely understands what her parents are _doing_. And you want her to know her father is _screwing_ Miss Sparkly Pants?"

He raised his eyebrows. "And you kiss Teddy Conrad with that mouth?" he asked, knowing he sounded snide and petty.

Her eyes flashed. "Shut up."

But he couldn't. "So it's better for her to see her mama married to someone she don't love near as much as he loves her? Or see that her mama sold out to everything she _said_ she walked away from all those years ago? Is that it, Rayna?"

"I said shut up, Deacon." She turned away from him and put her hands on her hips, looking down at the floor. He waited. She looked back at him. "You know that's not true. I was kicked out of the house. And I willingly walked away from it."

He smirked. "I just know it was _my_ doorstep you ended up on, Ray, thinking you didn't have no other choices."

She raised her hand up and frowned, raising her voice. "You just need to consider that Maddie's old enough to know what you're doing. She can see you running around with those tour whores and now you want her to know you're sticking your…your _little_ brain into a girl who is young enough to be your daughter?"

He stormed over to her then and grabbed her arm, glaring at her from just inches away. Typical Rayna, she didn't back down an inch. "That ain't true," he snarled.

She raised her eyebrows. "What, that you aren't _fucking_ her? Or that she's young enough to be your daughter? Because, you know she is." She pulled her arm away. "She's closer to our _daughter's_ age than yours, babe. Think about _that_."

He stood just looking at her for a moment, rubbing his hands together. She was still a spitfire. It still nearly killed him every time he thought about her being married to Teddy Conrad. _Still_ being married to Teddy Conrad. He'd done everything she'd ever asked of him but she was still married to that Mr. Vanilla. _And_ raising their daughter half the time with him. "It really ain't none of your business what I do, Ray," he said, finally. "I ain't the one who's married, so I can do what I want. Maddie ain't judging me."

"Oh, but she's watching you, Deacon. You know she watches every single thing you do."

He raised an eyebrow. "And she don't watch _you_?"

She looked away. "All I'm saying is that you should think about what you're doing." She turned back to look at him, that carefully constructed performance face on. The one only he could see through. "Maybe you should get a _real_ girlfriend, Deacon. Not one of your one-and-done's and not someone twenty years younger than you. Someone stable. So Maddie can see you know how to do _that_." She picked up her purse then. "I've gotta go pick up the girls," she said. Then she stalked out of the rehearsal space, leaving him to stare after her.

He made an angry noise and banged his hand down on the offending guitar case. Then he looked at it, thinking he did need to give that back. He didn't really need, or want, to be in the middle of Rayna Jaymes and Juliette Barnes. He also thought about what she'd said about needing a girlfriend. Maybe he needed to do that too.

 **Rayna**

"Since when do you want to be mayor?" she asked. "You hate politics." _What the hell is Daddy thinking?_

"I don't hate politics. I just hate talking about it," he said, as they cleaned up the kitchen.

She was glad the girls were upstairs doing homework. "It's not even as though it was your idea," she said. "You just don't know what you're doing getting into Daddy's back pocket like this." She shook her head. "You don't want to be owned by him."

"Rayna," he interrupted. "Did it ever occur to you that he's just trying to help me? And that I could use a little help right now? If I serve a term or two as mayor, I could write my own ticket. You wouldn't have to work anymore."

She was stunned. She dropped the plate in her hand on the counter and walked towards him. "I don't want that," she cried. "Is that what _you_ want? For me to just stand on the side of the stage and smile and shake hands?"

His face tensed up and he clenched a fist. "You wanna tell me something about standing on the side of the stage that I don't already know?" He put the glass down that was in his hand. "I know I wasn't your first choice. That you settled for me. So how about letting _me_ step into the limelight for a change? Let _me_ put my life back together?"

She just looked at him, not really sure what to say. All she could picture in her mind was how their lives would be an open book, for anyone to see. And that her life wouldn't be off limits. Things had been so strained between them and she knew much of it was due to his feelings of failure. It wasn't that she didn't want to encourage him, but just not like this. "Don't you know how much we're going to be on display, Teddy?" she asked, her voice low and irritated.

He raised his eyebrows. "It's not like you aren't already a public figure, Rayna," he said, very matter-of-factly. "I'm not really sure much changes for you." He picked up a napkin and wadded it up, tossing it in the trash. "I'm going to go check on the girls," he said, as he turned his back on her and headed for the stairs.

She stood at the counter, watching him. Her chest felt tight and she had a lump in her throat. On top of everything else going on, she didn't need this. She put her hands on the counter and breathed in deeply, looking towards the ceiling, forcing the tears away. _I am not going to cry about all this. I'm just not._ She breathed in again, pushing everything into its little box.

It could not have been a worse day. Her fight with Deacon, the dawning realization that her career was stalling and no idea how to correct that, and now Teddy wanting to run for mayor, putting all their lives out there. _And for what? So he doesn't have to stand in my shadow?_ She felt the tears threaten again and she clenched her jaw. She looked around the kitchen and frowned. Then she picked up a dishcloth and focused all her energy into cleaning up. When everything was put away and the counter was wiped down, she walked down to her music room and slammed the door shut behind her.

 **Deacon**

He knew Rayna was nervous about the small venue tour Watty had proposed. He got it that her album wasn't doing well, which was too bad. He thought it was a great record, one of the best she'd done, and it was a shame it wasn't getting radio play. They both understood the ups and downs of the music industry and they'd watched other artists fade away, but he knew Rayna still felt like she had something to say and that she could be relevant. He wished they would write together, but it had been years since they'd even tried. It was hard for them to write together and he got it, but he also knew those were the songs her fans loved most.

He didn't understand, really, her reluctance to scale down the tour. Watty and Bucky had been right, that a sold out tour made more sense than arenas half full, or less. Plus she'd have more time to spend with the girls. Maddie was at that age where she could use more of Rayna at home, not less. A lot was changing in her life right now, as she began her teenage years, and he felt like Rayna could help her navigate that. He knew Rayna was afraid if she stepped away for a bit that she could lose all traction she had, but he thought it was more than that. Something she wasn't telling him, which was unusual, because she told him most things.

He thought it might still have to do with Teddy, but they didn't talk much about Teddy. Her marriage was one of the few topics that they had learned not to put on the table. There had been the whole business deal debacle, and he knew that had been part of her push to tour more in the immediate aftermath of that, and now Teddy had decided to run for mayor, which he knew Rayna wouldn't be comfortable with. But she didn't talk about it and he knew better than to ask. So he thought it might be helpful for her to see what a small venue might feel like and he wanted to reach out after that argument they'd had about that guitar. And it happened that it was his every third Thursday at the Bluebird.

 **Rayna**

After dinner, Rayna shooed the girls off to do homework and helped Teddy clean up the kitchen. She was still unsettled about his decision to run for mayor and was bothered by her father's involvement in that. The downsizing of her tour bothered her too and she was well aware that Teddy didn't like it. But there were no guarantees that Teddy would win and, if he didn't, they were still in a bad financial place. She still blamed herself for taking her eye off the wheel and not being as clued in on everything that had happened with that development deal that had sunk them.

As she put away glasses, she said, without looking at Teddy, "So, babe, I think I might run over to the Bluebird tonight for a minute. Just to see what's out there. Listen to some songwriters. Maybe there's someone I can hook up with to write." She looked at him then. He was wiping down a pot and when he was finished, he threw the kitchen towel over his shoulder. She thought, right then, that he looked slightly tense, but it was probably over his potential mayoral run, not over her going out. Although he'd aged a lot in the past few years, he still looked boyishly handsome, and she hated the bickering they'd been doing lately.

He looked at her. "How late do you think you'll be?"

She shrugged. "Well, you know, late. Probably past eleven. You don't have to stay up if you don't want to."

He smiled, that sweet smile of his. "It's okay. I don't mind."

She smiled back, then walked over and gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks, babe. I really appreciate you." And then she headed for their bedroom to get changed.

* * *

 _What was I thinking? This was such a mistake._ _Why did I think I could sing that song at the Bluebird with Deacon? Or anywhere, for that matter?_ Thinking they could do a small venue tour together – just them – and ride a bus together to do it was a mistake. She didn't know how she was going to manage this, but she'd have to figure out a way.

Maybe it was all the weirdness in the house over the last few years. Things had been less than ideal between her and Teddy. They weren't having sex very often, they were fighting all the time, it felt like. He was tense, distant sometimes, clingy others. She knew a lot of that was the business situation, but it felt like it was more than that. He'd never been as successful as she was, at least in terms of earning power, but it had never been an issue before. But it felt like one now. And the power thing, with running for mayor. _Where was that coming from?_ He'd never cared about that before and now, for some reason, he did.

But she knew what was really going on. It was thirteen years of keeping her feelings bottled up inside. Thirteen years of pretending Deacon was nothing more than a friend, a well-loved ex. Thirteen years of wishing they could have raised Maddie together, figured out how to do that. Thirteen years of wondering if she'd done the right thing all those years ago.

They had spent the last five years building a friendship, that respectful place where they were comfortable and at ease with one another. That place where every look, every touch, every word wasn't steeped in their history and in all the leftover feelings. But that one song, on that stage, had undone it all. That one particular song.

It all came out on that stage, doing that song. The same stage where they'd first seen each other. The same stage where they'd performed countless times before. _No one will ever love you, like I do._

 **Scarlett**

She'd been excited when Avery had suggested they move to Nashville after graduation. She knew he was counting on some of her uncle Deacon's contacts, although he didn't actually say that. The only reason her mama didn't make more of a fuss about it was because her uncle Deacon was in Nashville and that Scarlett had promised she would not be shacking up with Avery. Of course, that last promise was made with her fingers crossed behind her back.

She'd never been to Nashville, never been to a city this big before, so it was all so overwhelming. Deacon helped her get a job at the Bluebird Café and she loved getting the chance, every night she worked, to hear great songwriters. She was certainly not planning for a career in music, but she wanted to support Avery any way she could, and she was able to help him secure open mic spots at the Bluebird. That she was finding a little bit of her own voice, with Gunnar, had been a surprise.

The night Deacon invited them to the Opry was like a dream come true. He got them seats on the stage, the ones reserved for family and friends of the performers, and they got to see a lineup of superstars, all there to salute Watty White. But the most exciting part, for her, was meeting Rayna Jaymes. Of course, it technically wasn't the first time she'd met Rayna, but that had been back when she was a little girl, when her uncle was still married to her idol. She felt all giddy inside when Rayna reminded her they were still family.

The thing that had stayed on her mind, after that night, though, was the way Rayna had looked at Deacon when she said that. And the way he'd looked at her. Scarlett might not be all that sophisticated in the ways of love, but she would have sworn that what she saw that night was the look of true love. Deeply romantic love. Like they'd never stopped loving each other love.

When she saw it again, the night Rayna sang 'No One Will Ever Love You' at the Bluebird with Deacon, she'd known it without a doubt.

 **Teddy**

It bugged him that Rayna wanted to do this tour with Deacon. Not that Deacon hadn't been a constant presence in her professional life, as well as their personal lives, for thirteen years. But this was different. Just the two of them, without her band. And one bus. He shook his head. He didn't like it.

But truthfully, it wasn't like she hadn't been gone most of the last thirteen years anyway. And even if Claybourne wasn't on her bus, there were hotel rooms. He'd often wondered if they were having an affair. They had an emotional affair, at a minimum. She never seemed to be able to give Deacon up. Of course, Maddie being their daughter contributed to that, but he sensed that closeness between the two of them had never quite gone away.

He rarely went to see her perform anymore. These days it would only be her Nashville show, so he could take the girls. He'd tried harder, in the early days, making more of an effort to come out on occasional weekends, paying more attention to her music. He thought she was a good singer, knew she was a superstar, but country music wasn't his comfort zone. It felt awkward, but he tried to be a good sport anyway.

What he hated most was watching her on stage with Claybourne. Or even off the stage. There was always something there between them, that felt like more than just exes being parents together, or him being her bandleader and stage partner. It was the way they looked at each other, the way Deacon's hand would brush Rayna's arm or her back, the way she'd look back at him over her shoulder. It was hard to watch. It was so damn _intimate_. It had made him restless.

He wondered sometimes if he'd done the right thing. Maybe he shouldn't have married her at all. But then he'd look at Daphne and that thought would be instantly erased. Maybe he should have insisted she not tell Deacon Maddie was his. The man couldn't even remember being with her the night Maddie was conceived, so it would have been easy to keep that hidden. He loved Maddie the same as he loved Daphne and he would have been happy to claim her as his own. Too many what if's.

Since shortly after the Cumberland deal had tanked, she had increased her tour schedule. They needed the money and he had not been able to find other work. Not that he'd looked hard. The girls were at an age where they needed a parent at home and to take them to their activities, so he took that on. It also led to his running into Peggy Reid, now Kenter.

Peggy had been his college sweetheart, but they had broken up when she took a job in Atlanta after they graduated. By the time she came back to Nashville, he was married to Rayna. Their paths crossed again during the time he was on the credit union board. Peggy was working at the credit union and she had been his confidante and partner as they'd tried to save the Cumberland deal. When it inevitably imploded, he had distanced himself from her.

She came back into his orbit when he ran into her at the country club one morning, when he was there for golf and she was there for tennis. She had married Robert Kenter several years earlier and had moved into the Nashville social circle she'd always aspired to. They grabbed coffee in the coffee shop and chatted, catching up with each other. It turned into a weekly thing and then one day it turned into him following her to her house and having hot sex in the pool house.

They'd been seeing each other almost two years. Luckily, her husband traveled almost constantly, as, of course, did Rayna. And Rayna rarely ever initiated sex and she didn't seem concerned about the lack of intimacy or frequency. The only complaint he had about Peggy was that she was a little needy. Always had been, even in their college days. But she made him feel the same way Rayna did in the early days, so he chose to overlook that.

He was a little worried about all this, though, in light of his mayoral run. They would have to be extra careful, something that might be challenging with Peggy, both about their affair and their prior business relationship. But he sure wasn't ready to give her up. She made his life so much easier to bear.

 **Deacon**

It did occur to him later that he should have known better, that this little _thing_ , or whatever it was, with Juliette Barnes was going to make his life with Rayna hell. But it was a series of things, really, that had led them to this uncomfortable place. It was the performance at the Bluebird. It was the thing with Juliette. It was Rayna's lack of enthusiasm for the small venue tour. It was Teddy running for mayor. And then, finally, it was the appearance at Teddy's fundraiser. That's where it all just kind of blew up in their faces.

He didn't like Teddy Conrad even a little bit. As far as he was concerned, Teddy was a smug, condescending bastard, who liked to act like he was Rayna's savior. He hated that Maddie was growing up in that house, feeling caught between two fathers. And he put all that on Teddy. So, the whole fundraiser thing just got under his skin. Teddy and Lamar acting like he was doing _them_ a favor when he really was doing the favor for Rayna. And he couldn't help but try to tweak Teddy while he and Rayna were on stage.

 _Maybe he felt a little full of himself after the Bluebird performance. He knew Rayna had been uncomfortable afterwards. She'd told him as much. She was desperately trying to put the genie back in the bottle, but it was clear that the feelings that had been lurking under the surface had exploded all over them that night. He had wanted to feel vindicated, but he could see the conflict in her and so he tried to play it cool._

 _But it had bubbled over on the stage at the country club. In front of everyone in the room. He knew it. She knew it. Teddy knew it. So after the performance, when they were in the dressing room, he tried to deflect it. "I don't even know what that was with Teddy," he said._

 _She raised her eyebrows. "You didn't know what that was?" she asked. "Seemed to me like it was you taking the bait." He looked away. "I don't know what you were thinking." He looked back at her. "You're not just self-destructive, you're destructive." She shook her head. "I can't believe you put us in this position."_

 _He looked at her. "Which us, Ray? Which us?" She just stared at him, then looked away. "I thought you needed me," he said._

 _She looked back. "I_ _do_ _need you."_

 _It felt like she'd reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. He could see she was fighting this, even sort of understood why, but it didn't hurt any less. "I don't even know what to do with that anymore," he said._

 _She had been pacing back and forth. "I don't know what to do either." She looked at him, with raw pain on her face. "But now I have to go home."_

 _He swallowed. He knew what she was implying. No matter what feelings had been resurrected between the two of them, she still made Teddy her choice, and she would go home and try to fix what they'd done. "Are we done here?" he asked, feeling resigned._

 _She looked at him. "Yeah. We're done."_

 _He picked up his guitar and his messenger bag and left, knowing that they weren't just done with the conversation, but that they were well and truly done._

He hadn't been surprised when she called him the next day and told him that the tour was off and that he'd been relieved of his job as her bandleader. He hoped she wasn't giving up on her career, but he couldn't even muster the nerve to ask her.

* * *

The awkwardness dragged on. He would wait for Maddie in his truck when it was his turn to pick her up and just drop her off at the end of the visit. The one time he and Rayna met, to talk about how things would go with Maddie, she wouldn't even look at him. An old friend invited him to join his band and he found himself considering it. He still wouldn't join Juliette's band, although she asked over and over again, but he did do some session work with her. He tried to stay busy, tried to keep from focusing on the schism that had formed between him and Rayna.

He heard, though, that Rayna and Juliette were joining forces after all, after Juliette's shoplifting adventure. He was glad for Rayna, knew that while she would chafe against it, she would be her professional self and give a great tour. She needed this tour, for so many reasons. Teddy's campaign was in full swing and he wondered how she was holding up with that.

He missed her. He had no idea if she felt the same.

 **Rayna**

Even though it was April, it was a chilly day. One of the quirks about Nashville, you could never depend on the weather. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and put on a light leather jacket and drove over to that quiet place in the park, next to the stream. She turned her face up to the sun and closed her eyes. When she heard the car door slam, she turned and watched Deacon jump over the wall and head down to where she was sitting. She was grateful he'd called. She really wanted them to get back on track. Things had been rocky between them since the fundraiser performance and her firing him and she didn't like it. And then all the mess with the photos of Teddy and Peggy and she just really needed a friend.

She smiled as he joined her. "Hey," she said. "Thanks for calling."

He looked away. "I just wanted to check on you, see how you were doing." Then he looked at her. "You're still my family, Ray. Family stays together."

She looked down. "I appreciate that. I feel the same way, you know?"

He breathed in. "So it's true then?"

She looked at him and made a face. "Sort of. It's complicated."

He smirked. "Somehow I never saw Teddy Conrad as complicated."

She smiled. "Well, we still have this family, you know."

He nodded. "Anything I can do?"

She shook her head, then she said, "Maybe you can stay extra tuned in to Maddie. If she picks up on any of it, let me know."

He nodded. "I'll do that. But she ain't said nothing, so you know."

"Well, that's good." She turned to look at him. "How're you doing?"

He looked away for a second, then back. "Well, that was the other reason I called. I, uh, ran into Cy a few weeks ago and they're looking for a guitar player. So…I got asked to tour with the Revel Kings."

She smiled, a smile of genuine happiness. "Wow, that sounds like the real deal. An opportunity of a lifetime. You gonna do it?"

He bit his lip for a second. "It could make things more complex with Maddie."

She shrugged. "We can figure that out, you know? We did all these years."

He nodded. "True." He looked off in the distance for a second, then back at her. "What do _you_ think?"

She contemplated that. It was a relatively simple question, but it was also…complicated. Deacon had been with her for so long. Firing him had been a little bit of a knee jerk reaction, but she was thinking it might be time for them to untangle a bit. She breathed in. "I think maybe it's time for you to look and see what's around the next bend, you know?"

He breathed in. "Maybe for both of us." He reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Maybe we got too comfortable. It ain't like Maddie's traveling with us anymore, you know?"

She had a lump in her throat as she nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right," she said, her voice soft.

He let go of her hand and gave her a tight smile. Then he sat up straight and breathed in. "Well, I guess we're both gonna do some things we never thought we would." He gazed out over the creek that ran past them. "I'm gonna go be in a rock band and you" – he looked at her and smirked – "are gonna go out on the road with Juliette Barnes."

She smiled sadly. "Will wonders never cease," she said. She watched as he got up from the table, shoving his hands in his pockets. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then he looked down at her.

"Good luck," he said. "Not that you need it. I'm betting you're gonna show Juliette a thing or two."

She grinned. "Maybe so." She squinted as she looked up at him. "Thanks, Deacon." He nodded then, and headed for the road. She watched him over her shoulder, feeling a deep sadness inside. There had been many points along their journey where she'd felt like it was the end of them, only to find that it wasn't. But this time, it kind of felt like the real deal, just like she'd described his Revel Kings offer. Their paths were going to diverge in very separate ways, taking them in purposefully opposite directions for the first time since they'd known each other. She watched him drive off and turned back to look at the creek, without really seeing it.

She sat for a while, not really thinking about anything. Finally, she lowered her head and let the tears come, the tears she wouldn't show anyone else. It felt like her whole life was exploding. Not just little cracks, like had been happening over the past few years, but a massive breaking apart that left her whole foundation just a pile of rubble. She truly felt like she was starting over, without any of the things she'd held fast to, the things she'd come to depend upon.

She didn't want to tell Deacon she was pretty sure the rumors of Teddy having an affair with Peggy were true. She didn't want to admit, really even to herself, how blind she'd been, how she'd allowed herself to wear rose-colored glasses where all that was concerned. She'd taken her eye off the road in her single-minded quest to keep the Jaymes/Conrad ship afloat and she had missed all the signs. She breathed in. _I've gotta be strong. For my girls. We'll get through this, one way or the other._ She sat up then, flattening her palms against her thighs and closing her eyes, tipping her head back to catch the sun. Then she breathed out, opened her eyes, and got up off the table.

She smiled a little to herself. _I guess I need to see what's around that next bend too._

 **Deacon**

He didn't know the whole story. Rayna alluded to the pictures of Teddy and Peggy being a factor, but she was very circumspect, other than telling him she and Teddy were getting a divorce. He didn't need her to tell him, though. He could see she was hurting. Regardless of what was going on behind closed doors, she was holding her head up, being the strong person she always was, even if she was hurting on the inside. But he knew her too well. He thought she was hurting more for the girls than for herself.

Cy had turned out to still be a jerk and he'd left the Revel Kings. Juliette caught him in a weak moment and convinced him to come out on the road with her. If he had hoped it would put him back in Rayna's orbit, she had shut that down almost as soon as he'd stepped foot on Juliette's plane. But it was all part of the dance they had with each other. After an initial period of sparring, they had worked out the middle ground.

He smiled a little to himself as he thought of the day he'd cornered her on the elevator and kissed her. Deeply, passionately, practically forcing her to respond, which she had. She had been badgering him about being on the tour with Juliette. It almost felt like she was challenging him to admit he was on the tour to be around her. But that kiss. He'd almost forgotten how soft her lips were, how sweet her mouth tasted, how good it felt to feel her respond to him. In that brief moment, it was like it had always been and the world around them ceased to exist. Until the elevator reached his floor.

He thought later that it had probably been a mistake. It had stirred up a lot more memories and regrets for him than he thought it had for her. But it had been a release of sorts and they had finally shifted back, again, into a more comfortable rhythm. Until the news of the divorce.

So now she was on edge again, although not really with him. But, as was her way, she kept a low profile, kept her feelings contained, and kept him at arms' length. It hurt, but he got it. He would wait, just as he always did.

And then he met Stacey.

 **Rayna**

After Teddy left and after the girls went upstairs to their rooms, Rayna sat in the den and put her head in her hands. She didn't really have any tears, at this point. It had been inevitable, she guessed, especially when Teddy had finally come clean about his affair and his shady business dealings. That was the part that had thrown her though. _My husband is a cheater and a thief. How did this happen?_ She wondered if it was his desire to _be_ somebody in her eyes. She knew he'd felt like her second choice, he'd told her that. She hadn't ever meant to make him feel that way, but there it was.

The girls were heartbroken, probably Daphne more so than Maddie, but it would be a huge change for both of them. She couldn't believe she was actually grateful to have the _Red Lips/White Lies_ tour to focus on. The whole moving in and out of the house was challenging. She would have the girls for the week, since she'd be heading back out on the road. Maddie had been with Deacon most of the previous week, then a few days with Teddy. That was going to be complex to resolve, since right now, no one was happy with the arrangement. Especially Deacon.

 _Deacon._ Deacon being in Juliette's band was a distraction. He hadn't really said much when she'd told him about the divorce, but she was pretty sure she knew what he was thinking. But it was too soon. She wasn't ready for another man, and she especially wasn't ready for Deacon.

But there was that kiss. _That_ had stirred up old memories. Old longings. Things better left closed up in their own little box. But it had felt so good, in that moment. She'd almost forgotten how it felt to be kissed by him. The feel of his lips, how he forced hers apart. The feel of his scruff against her chin and her cheek. The tiniest little noise he made in the back of his throat. It made her shiver just thinking about it now.

She sighed. It didn't matter that she'd loved Deacon all these years. It didn't matter that their connection ran strong and deep and that they had stayed entangled in each other's lives. It didn't even matter that they had Maddie together. She just wasn't sure she was ready to be with a man who'd already caused her a lifetime of pain and disappointment.

 _This isn't about whether I love Deacon or not,_ she'd written in her journal. _Deacon sober is still Deacon. All of the things about him that I loved are still the same. But so are the things that made it impossible for us to work. He's impulsive. He walks away when things get tough. He still has demons, even if he's learned how to manage better. He makes me feel alive, but he scares the shit out of me too. Loving Deacon is messy and I don't know that I can live with messy._ _Especially not with two girls who depend on me._

 _Life is complicated enough. I don't need to run back to old complications._

 **Juliette**

She finally got Deacon in her band, although not before he nearly went down the rabbit hole. She'd been right, though. He was good for her, for her writing and for her band. He elevated her game and he'd taught her a thing or two, although she'd not wanted to acknowledge that at first. He made her better and she supposed, now that she had an insider's view, that's probably what he'd done for Rayna too. What had changed though was that he didn't need Rayna. He could stand on his own for himself.

 **Rayna**

Rayna, Tandy and the girls headed out of the hotel lobby onto the street. At the same time, she saw Deacon getting out of a cab. With a dog in his arms. _Deacon has a dog?_ "Dad!" "Deacon!" She heard her girls shouting with excitement. She watched what unfolded next as though she were standing outside her body. Both girls were petting the dog – a puppy, really – and then Deacon set it on the ground. And finally looked at her, then quickly back to the girls.

Maddie stood up then and turned to her, an excited look on her face. "Mom, this is Sue," she said. "Dad's dog! Juliette gave him to him for his birthday." Deacon looked up at Rayna again, an odd look on his face, and she raised an eyebrow, still not saying anything. _At least it wasn't another $50,000 guitar._ Then Maddie got her attention again. "Oh, and this is Stacey. His girlfriend." Rayna finally turned her attention to the pretty blonde who'd been standing next to Deacon all along. She had not really even given her a second thought.

The woman, Stacey, held out her hand. "Hey," she said, with a smile.

Rayna saw Deacon, out of the corner of her eye, looking a little flustered and uncomfortable. It occurred to her then that Maddie already knew. Knew and hadn't said a word. She recovered then from her stunned silence and smiled, her performance smile. She took Stacey's hand. "Hey, I'm Rayna," she said cordially. "Nice to meet you." She flicked her eyes again towards Deacon, who was pointedly not looking at her.

"You too," Stacey said. She nodded at Maddie. "I just love your daughter. She's so sweet." Rayna glanced over at Maddie, who was still inexplicably grinning. She instinctively wanted to slap the grin off her daughter's face and ask her why in the _hell_ she'd not shared this news before. And she wanted to scream and cry and stomp her feet and yell at Deacon, who really _should_ have been the one to do that. She could feel Tandy staring at her back.

Rayna nodded and smiled again. "Yes, she is, isn't she?" She hoped Stacey couldn't detect the edge in her tone, but she could tell, by the look on his face, that Deacon had. She looked at him then and smiled a little bigger. "Well, we're going to get Chinese food, so…." She shrugged. "We'll see y'all later," she said, as brightly as she could. Then she put her hand on Maddie's shoulder and not so gently herded her and Daphne down the street, Tandy trailing alongside her.

Tandy slid her arm through Rayna's. "Deacon has a girlfriend?" she said softly. "And a dog? Seems like he's finally moving on."

Rayna shot Tandy an angry glare. "I'm just wondering why my daughter failed to mention any of this," she hissed quietly. "Especially since she seems to have _met_ the girlfriend. Or maybe even more importantly, why _Deacon_ failed to mention it. We should have talked about her meeting a girlfriend."

Tandy nodded. "Yes, that's true. But then the two of you have been kind of at cross purposes lately, what with you firing him and him switching alliances and all. Maybe it's his way of, you know, poking the bear."

Rayna made a face. "Except that it's our daughter who's in the middle of it. We will definitely have to talk about that."

* * *

After she sent the girls upstairs, Rayna made her way through the after party crowd. She found her way over to the bar, where she saw Stacey sitting alone. She started to turn around, but Stacey saw her and waved, so she couldn't pretend like she hadn't as well.

"Hey!" Stacey said, seeming to perk up as she approached.

Rayna took a beat and then said, "Hey. How are you?" She felt like the smile on her face was going to crack.

"Good. Good. Oh, I saw your show. Really good."

"Thank you."

"Oh, and, uh, Juliette's was good too."

Rayna smiled and nodded, making sure she had her best performance face on. "Well, Deacon has a lot to do with that," she said. She usually had no problem with small talk, but this was still too…unexpected. Still, she tried. "So what do you do?"

Stacey seemed a little star struck, Rayna could tell. "Oh, I'm a vet. That's how I met Deacon, actually, through his dog."

 _Well, that makes sense, I guess._ "Great, great." She really needed to get away from Stacey.

Stacey leaned a little forward. "So you two used to be married?"

Rayna was a little taken aback by that, but she kept her smile on her face. "Yeah, we were. Like a million years ago." Stacey just nodded, as though she realized how forward she'd been. The silence was unbelievably awkward. "It's really, _really_ nice to meet you."

"You too."

Rayna patted her arm. "I need to, you know…." She pointed towards the other room. Stacey nodded and Rayna headed into the next room, where she bumped right into Deacon. He looked like he wanted to go past her, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side. She looked around a second and then up at him, keeping her voice low. "So, when were you going to tell me about Stacey?"

He tried to look surprised, but she knew he knew she could see right through him. "I'm sorry. I mean, it just kinda happened, so there hadn't been time…."

She raised her eyebrows. "And yet there was time for Maddie to meet her?"

He tried to laugh as he looked over her shoulder. "She just stopped by and Maddie happened to be there. And you know how Maddie is." He looked back at her then. "She's so damn inquisitive."

She frowned. "We're gonna need to talk about this some more, although this obviously isn't the place for it." She poked him in the chest. "This isn't cool, Deacon. I don't like surprises like this. And I _don't_ want our daughter to be in the middle of something I don't know anything about. You _know_ better than that."

He frowned back at her then. "Well, you ain't exactly been itching to have a real conversation with _me_ lately, Rayna, so maybe there's that. Plus it's brand new."

"And yet you're apparently all in, bringing her on tour." She shook her head. "Can you not just take a minute and let a relationship breathe?"

He shook his head, looking a little incredulous. "Says the girl who jumped into a relationship with _me_ back in the day. And didn't let it breathe."

She looked away, then back at him. She breathed in. "We were _kids_ ," she said. "And we didn't _have_ a kid. So just think about that." Then she pushed past him and walked off.

 **Deacon**

Deacon watched, amused, as Juliette took off immediately after her sound check, then shook his head. He never would understand her crazy weirdness about Rayna. Actually, that wasn't completely true. He understood, a lot better than she did, that she just wanted to be like Rayna. Juliette would never admit to that, he knew, but it was true. However, she did not like feeling like second banana to Rayna, he knew that. Being first for sound check meant she was opening that night and he knew that bugged her more than anything. He thought it was too bad she didn't look at it as an opportunity to learn from someone who'd had to come up the same way.

He was thinking about leaving the arena and checking on Stacey when he heard Rayna's sound check start. Only it wasn't Rayna singing. He walked back to the stage and was surprised to see Maddie and Daphne on stage, singing one of the songs they'd been playing around with. He was surprised Rayna had let them do that. She was fiercely determined the girls would not pursue a music career before they finished school, preferably college. He knew Maddie was struggling with that and he tried to be neutral, to keep the peace with Rayna, but he could tell that Maddie had something special. Daphne too, but his focus had been on his daughter.

He glanced over and saw Rayna watching the girls. She looked happy and he was glad she'd let them do this. When her band joined in, he felt a chill run through him. His eyes were focused on his girl and he could see how happy she was to be on stage performing. He felt a little lump in his throat then and his eyes were damp. _Damn, she's good._ He would have to figure out how to talk to Rayna about that again. As he thought that, Rayna turned and saw him and smiled, then turned back to watch the girls.

He couldn't take his eyes off Maddie and Daphne. When Maddie turned and saw him there, he smiled proudly at her and she beamed. It had been worth everything he'd gone through, all the complications of working out shared parenting, to be able to enjoy this as her daddy. He was reminded of back when he'd given Maddie her first guitar, a ukulele actually, and he'd told Rayna she was destined to perform, that it was in her blood. He knew Rayna wanted to spare her girls the heartaches she had gone through, but he hoped she wouldn't try to hold them back. They were both talented and he knew they both had caught the bug.

* * *

He saw Rayna between shows. He knew she'd be focused on getting ready for her set, but he stopped her anyway. "Those girls," he said, shaking his head a little.

She shrugged and smiled. "I know. What am I gonna do?" she said.

He laughed a little. "I think _we're_ gonna have to have another talk about Maddie sooner rather than later," he said.

She nodded. "Probably." She had a wistful look on her face then and he wondered if that was about Maddie or something else.

He had two bottles of water and an orange in his hands and he just tapped her arm with his wrist. "Have a good show tonight," he said.

She smiled. "Thanks." He started to walk away and she called after him. "Hey." He turned to look at her. "I really like Stacey," she said. He was pretty sure the smile on her face was her performance smile. "I'm glad you're…well, that you're doing that. She seems great." She nodded. "I'm happy for you."

He felt a catch in his throat. "Thank you," he said, not really knowing what else to say. Then he just nodded at her and walked out. As he walked down the hallway, he found it a little hard to breathe. He smiled at the people he walked past, the people who spoke to him, but he couldn't speak himself. He'd held out that tiny bit of hope, now that she was divorcing Teddy, that she'd turn to him, but it hadn't happened. He did like Stacey, a lot, and he knew it was healthier for him to just move on with her. He breathed in deeply as he stopped to pick up his jacket and messenger bag and head over to the hotel, where Stacey was waiting for him.


	22. 2013

**Rayna**

She opened her eyes when she felt his touch on her arm. For a moment, she was disoriented, not really sure where she was. Somehow, though, she wasn't surprised he was there. She could feel her heart beating faster and she wasn't sure if it was because she'd woken up or because he was kneeling down next to her, his hand on her shoulder, his face so close to hers. She put her hand over his. She was so glad to see him. When she reached for him and he held her tight, she felt like she was home.

* * *

After Deacon left, she sat back down in the chair and looked over at her father, still unconscious. So much had changed for her, in the last twenty-four hours. It felt like everything she'd thought she'd known about her father, her mother, even herself, was all mixed up. It actually felt like her whole life had turned upside down, in just a matter of weeks. Everything she'd thought she knew was a lie or, at the least, a misunderstanding.

When she thought about sitting there with Deacon, talking about the past, putting the pieces of the puzzle together, she'd felt such a sea change inside. He was moving on with Stacey – and she was happy for him – but it still felt a little sad. It was missed opportunities and ships passing in the night for the two of them. She needed something different in her life, she knew that. She'd protected herself with Teddy and, now that he was gone, she wanted to find a new path. She truly didn't need old complications. She was beginning to think she just needed to be on her own for a while, something she'd never really done before. Find out who she was on her own terms.

She sighed. _It's a different world now. And I'm gonna try to change my story._

 **Deacon**

He left Rayna and went to Stacey. But his heart wasn't in it. He wasn't sure if he should have gone to see Rayna at all. She only ended up complicating things for him. He tried to remind himself that she was fragile and vulnerable, with everything going on with Lamar. But the way she'd clung to him. He hugged Stacey a little closer.

* * *

He started thinking about what came next. It was clear that Rayna wanted to move on. They'd had a long talk on the plane headed back to Nashville and she'd touched on what had happened in her father's hospital room several weeks earlier.

 _She looked at him and he could see the hint of sadness in her eyes. "I really did appreciate you coming to see me at the hospital. That was, you know, it was a tough time." She raised her eyebrows. "I, uh, I got hit with a lot, all at once, and, you know, you could relate to it." She gave him a tiny smile. "You were there for so much of that."_

 _He nodded. "Yeah, I was." He breathed in. "I didn't know I was walking into all that stuff about your mom, though."_

 _She frowned a little and nodded, patting his arm. "Oh, I know. That was a surprise for sure." She smiled a little more. "But anyway." She ran her tongue over her bottom lip. "I appreciated it. A lot. I know you were really there to see Stacey but it meant a lot." He started to interrupt her, but decided not to. She looked thoughtful. "She's good for you, Deacon. I can see that." She smiled a little shyly. "I think I sort of resisted that for a minute, but it wasn't fair of me to do that. I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone in your life who makes you happy. I think she can do that."_

 _He smiled, even though his heart wasn't completely in it._

He wondered how many different ways he had to hear her say it before he got the message. She'd been saying it for years and even now, when her marriage to Teddy was ending, she was still saying it. _I love you but I can't be with you._ Wasn't that what she'd been saying, essentially, since she had divorced him, all those years ago? He sighed. He needed to get his mind right. He had a good thing going with Stacey, he knew that.

It just didn't feel like enough.

 **Rayna**

Rayna walked into the house, flipping on a light, and dropped her purse on the kitchen island. The house was empty. Maddie and Daphne were at Tandy's and she was getting ready to go to St. Lucia. With Liam. She smiled as she walked back to her bedroom and into the closet. She reached for an overnight bag and then walked out to set it on the bed. She walked back into the closet and looked around, trying to decide what to bring. She felt a little shiver run up her spine. She'd never really done anything like this before. It had been such a spontaneous decision, to run off to St. Lucia with him. It had been a really long time since she'd been spontaneous and it made her feel a little daring.

She opened up a drawer and pulled out a couple swimsuits. She bit her lip, wondering how much swimming or sunbathing they might really do. She got that tingle between her legs and then something that felt like a warm rush flowed through her body. She'd only slept with two men in her life and she had married both of them. She wasn't going to marry Liam or anything even close to that – she knew, without a doubt, that this was a fling – but it was something very different for her. She had never had a relationship that wasn't serious. Even the beginning with Teddy, while it had not had the heat of her relationship with Deacon, she'd known it was serious.

 _She met Liam at the studio. He wanted to listen to the tracks they'd recorded so far, he'd told her. She felt a little quiver when he walked into the sound room. They had made out a little the day before and Bucky had almost caught them. It had felt fun and a little high schoolish, but she had felt light and free, for the first time in a long time. So she was excited to see him._

 _He unwound the scarf around his neck and took off his hat. He smiled, that sexy, come-on smile he had. "I got something for you," he said._

 _She opened her eyes wide and smiled. "You did?" She felt as giddy as a schoolgirl._

 _He shrugged. "Yeah, well, us." He waved his hand between the two of them. "Reservations."_

" _Ooooh, what restaurant?"_

 _He looked playful. "Well, they probably have food but it's not a restaurant." She looked at him in confusion. "It's first class to St. Lucia."_

 _She was stunned. "You got us plane tickets to the Caribbean?" she cried._

 _He shook his head. "No. I got reservations. But you say yes, I'll buy the tickets." He took off his jacket. "Sugar beach. Black sand. Blue ocean. Hot."_

 _She breathed in. "Oh my God. But I can't just take off with you to St. Lucia," she said._

 _He shrugged. "Why not? You're getting a divorce, it's official."_

 _She felt nervous. This was huge. "But I've got kids. And my dad just got out of the hospital. And we're on tour." She looked at him like he was crazy._

 _He breathed in. "You got a couple days off from the tour after this show." She nodded, but she still felt uncertain. "Don't tell me you don't have someone you can trust with your kids." She didn't have an answer to that. "I thought you said you wanted to live in the moment."_

 _She had said that. She mock kicked at him with her boot. "Would you stop throwing my words back in my face?" she said, with a laugh. "I'm thinking about it."_

 _He turned away and sat in the chair in front of the sound board. "Alright," he said. "Just say yes."_

She giggled. She _had_ said yes. Surprisingly fast. And Tandy had agreed to watch the girls just as fast. She sighed. She pulled out her white bikini and a blue one. The last time she'd worn them, she and Teddy had taken the girls to Rosemary Beach. It had been two years ago, long before all this political stuff. She sighed, wondering if he'd been seeing Peggy back then. She shook her head. She no longer cared about Teddy Conrad and Peggy Kenter. She was, however, looking forward to sun and sand and ocean breezes. She felt that little zinger again. And sex. Yes, she was definitely looking forward to sex.

* * *

She headed out the front door to the limo waiting for her. The flight was early and she was still tired from the late night. She slipped on her sunglasses as the car pulled out of the driveway and onto Page Road. She'd also tossed and turned all night. She couldn't get that exchange with Deacon after the show out of her head. She sighed. It had been so obvious that he and Stacey were having some kind of tiff. Stacey had stormed off the minute she'd seen her and then Deacon looked confused and torn.

" _Everything okay?" she asked, thinking it didn't look like it._

 _He looked back at her. "Uh, yeah, yeah," he said, putting a smile on his face. But she knew it wasn't. She knew him too well. He started to walk away and then he turned back to her, a sad look on his face. "No, no," he said then, running his hands over his face._

 _She didn't like the sound of that. After she had gotten over the initial shock of Stacey, she had decided that she was probably good for Deacon. It had been a long time since he'd had someone constant in his life. He needed someone to ground him and Stacey seemed to be that person. Maddie liked her too, which was good. "Come here," she said, gesturing to him to join her. She hoped maybe he could talk it through and then fix whatever was going on. She frowned. "What's the matter?"_

 _His eyes were filled with pain. "You," he said, and her heart dropped. She looked down. She didn't want to hear that, after she thought she'd been clear that she was moving on. She had wanted him to move on too. He sighed. "I've tried forever to fight this thing between you and me and, um, just when I think I get there…."_

 _It was obvious he was struggling. She hadn't wanted it to be like this. It was why she'd tried to be so clear, that although she would always love him, she didn't want to risk everything again. That hadn't changed. She wasn't sure what to say to him. Her heart hurt for him, but her life was moving in a different direction. She didn't want to look back._

 _Just then Liam came across her line of vision. "You ready?" he called out. Deacon turned at his voice._

 _When he turned back to her, she ran her tongue over her lower lip. "We're, uh, going to St. Lucia. Together," she said. Deacon just raised his eyebrows and nodded. She could see the hurt and she hated to have had to be that direct, but she thought he needed it. "You need to call Stacey and make it right," she told him. She tried to tell him with her eyes that she was sorry and she squeezed his arm as she walked past him to where Liam waited._

 _She didn't look back._

She sighed. It had been hard, walking away from Deacon. Harder than she had expected. The hurt and the yearning in his eyes had been like an arrow straight into her heart. They had kept each other at fingertip's length, really, the whole time she was married to Teddy. Teddy had accused her of having an emotional affair with Deacon, to justify his affair with Peggy, but she had disagreed about that. Even now, she didn't see it that way. Yes, they were close, for Maddie's sake, but he was her family. That was all it was. He was her best friend. And that's why she hated hurting him.

She had thought about it though. She had really and truly considered if this was the time to make that choice. As she had stood in her closet, trying to decide what to pack, she had surely thought about it. There had been a moment, when she was putting her bathing suits in her overnight bag, when she had thought about throwing caution to the wind and going to Deacon's house. She had thought about it, sitting down on her bed, and wondered if that was the right thing to do. _Deacon's my weakness. He's always been._ She just wasn't sure she wanted to give in.

It wasn't the first time she'd thought about it. There had been some times during the dark years with Teddy that she'd thought about leaving him, going to Deacon. She'd surely thought about it after she and Teddy separated. But then she'd close her eyes and she'd think about what it was like before and, even though he was sober, all she could think about, all she could see, was pain and disappointment. And she could never shake the fear that it could happen again. She was always reminded of Cole's warning that a recovering alcoholic was always just one bad day away from that first drink. No matter that she'd watched him all these years, been satisfied with how things had gone with Maddie. There was just too much more at stake now to risk that. And so then she'd closed the door on it, once again.

She leaned back against the seat, thinking about what she was doing now, heading for the airport. She could feel it, even as the limo raced down 440. The pull. It was strong, even after all these years. But she also remembered the pain. She couldn't do that again. Even now that he'd been sober all these years, she knew it was more than that. He'd been like a drug to her, someone she hadn't been able to break free of for all those years. And then she finally had. She'd gotten to the tipping point and she knew, for her own mental health, she couldn't go back. What they had now was working and it was best to keep things as they were.

 **Deacon**

He watched her walk away. Liam gave him a little salute and then they were gone. He swallowed hard. Stacey had walked out on him and now Rayna had too. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking he'd been a fool. To acknowledge his feelings for Rayna to Stacey and then to confront Rayna with them. _What was I thinking?_ But he'd never been able to hide that from Rayna. No matter what had happened between them, he'd never been able to stop loving her. And she knew that. He'd seen it in her eyes just before she'd walked away from him. She knew he loved her and she loved him too. The difference was that she had drawn a line in the sand years before and she'd stayed in her lane. Mostly.

There had been a few times, in that first year after he'd rejoined her tour, where the proximity had been challenging. Him being on her bus. Parenting Maddie together. She'd been firm though. But there had been the night Maddie was teething and inconsolable and he had just held Rayna in his arms when it overwhelmed her. Or the times when the touches lasted a little too long or the hugs were a little too close or even the days on the bus when they both fell asleep in Rayna's suite, along with Maddie. That night in Kansas City. But as their daughter got older, he'd made a greater effort to respect those boundaries, even while he knew Rayna knew his feelings for her.

He sighed. Then he went to get his guitar and bag so he could go home.

* * *

He was too wired to sleep when he got home. He opened a root beer and then looked over his movie selection. He didn't have a lot of movies. There weren't many he wanted to watch over and over. There was _Ole Yeller_ , of course, but that wasn't for now, and some movies Maddie liked. He picked up _Remember the Titans_. It was a movie both he and Maddie enjoyed. It wasn't too girly, although Maddie had started to outgrow those anyway, but it was interesting enough that she would stick with it. He put the movie in the DVR player and started it. He sat down on the couch and looked at the TV without really seeing what was on the screen.

It had all started when Liam had played the opening chords of 'Postcard from Mexico' on stage. He'd felt his stomach churn. The crowd had roared their approval. It had always been one of Rayna's biggest hits and their chemistry on stage had played no small part in that. It was the most overtly sexual song they'd ever written, coming out of that quick jaunt over the Mexican border, back when Rayna was still opening for the bigger stars. It was _their_ song, a song they hadn't performed together in over thirteen years. And when she'd done it with Liam, he'd felt his blood pressure rise until he'd had to walk away, leaving Stacey standing there by herself.

He thought about what Rayna said. _You need to call Stacey and make it right._ He probably did. But it was right at midnight and he didn't think waking her up was the thing to do. Plus he wasn't sure what to say to her. _Sorry I told you I'm still in love with my ex-wife? Sorry I just told you what a loser I am to still be in love with my ex-wife?_ That sure didn't seem like it would endear him to a girlfriend, letting her know he couldn't move on, that he clung to the past. He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. _How could it all be so easy with Rayna and so hard with someone else?_

His phone rang then and he picked it up. He was surprised to see Rayna's name. "Hey," he said, as he held the phone to his ear.

"Hey," she said and then paused a moment. "Listen, I'm sorry I just walked away before. I didn't mean for you to think I didn't care about what you said."

He shook his head. "Nah, it's okay."

She laughed a little. "Stop it. I was kind of a bitch." She sighed. "I just, I just didn't know what to say. You know I love you, Deacon. I'll always love you. But, you know, we just can't go back and _do_ that anymore."

He clenched his jaw. "But you can do _that_ with Liam?"

"Hey," she said. Her voice had an edge to it. "We both are moving on." He could hear her breathing. "Stacey is a sweet girl. And I can tell she really likes you a lot. And you seem to enjoy being with her. Why can't you just, I don't know, live in that for a while? Give yourself permission to enjoy someone else. Let her…love you." She laughed softly. "Or try to."

He couldn't help but smile a little. "You saying I'm hard to love?"

He could practically hear the grin on her face. "That's exactly what I'm saying. You're a complicated man, Deacon Claybourne. Maybe you should try to relax a little."

"Maybe," he said.

"Look, this thing with Liam, it's, well, it's fun. And light. Not _serious_. I mean, I've been married pretty much half my life, you know? I feel like I need to, I don't know, find myself, or something. I think I deserve a little light and fun for now, don't you?"

He heard what she didn't say, that not only had she been married to Teddy, before that she'd been married to him, and had lived through years of pain and hurt. He supposed she was due something not so heavy. "Yeah, I guess."

"So, Maddie and Daphne are at Tandy's. We leave in the morning and I'll be back on Friday, so just four days. If you want to see Maddie, call Tandy and arrange it."

"Maybe I will."

"I think she'd like that." She paused. "And, Deacon?"

"Yeah?"

"Call Stacey. I bet y'all can work things out."

He breathed in. He felt an immense sadness, somehow, but there was no use wallowing in all of it. "Okay," he said, finally.

"Good night, then."

"Good night." He disconnected and set the phone down. It just somehow seemed so final.

 **Rayna**

She turned her face towards the window and closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. She could hear Liam beside her, flipping through a magazine. When the plane had reached its cruising altitude, she heard him quietly order a beer and tell the flight attendant that his companion was sleeping. It had been a nice trip. St. Lucia was beautiful, the weather was amazing, the room sumptuous, and the food outstanding.

She couldn't deny that the sex was fun. It wasn't like it was the first time she'd had sex as a single woman, but it certainly wasn't the same as sex with Deacon or sex with Teddy. One thing she realized was that sex with someone who wasn't in love with you, who just wanted to have a fun, no strings attached relationship, was different than making love with a man who loved you. Liam had been exciting and surprising and they had laughed a lot, but she had realized rather quickly that, while it was fun, it also felt empty.

She liked having a connection. With Teddy, it had been that feeling of being safe and cared for, knowing that he loved her and their family. She had loved Teddy, of course, and even if the sex wasn't fireworks and heat, she had mostly been satisfied. With Deacon, of course, it had been sweet and gentle but it had also been primal and erotic. It had been a long time since she'd had sex that made her sweat, sex that left her whole body tingling and on fire. She wanted to squirm then, but she didn't want Liam to know she wasn't sleeping.

She rarely thought of her intimate life with Teddy, since he'd moved out. Her love for Teddy had been a situational thing and once she no longer needed that, it was easy to dismiss it. Deacon, however, was the one she couldn't forget, and she supposed she held both Teddy and Liam up to that ruler. And neither of them had met it. But it wasn't fair to them, or anyone in the future, and she knew that. The idea of going back to Deacon, though. It hadn't been a simple, or easy, decision. There was a part of her heart that would never let him go, she knew that and accepted it, but every time she thought about putting herself out there, she was brought up short by the life of turmoil and volatility they had shared. She couldn't stop seeing all the trials they'd lived through. Even if he'd been sober now, for all these years, there were no guarantees. She knew that. And she wouldn't risk her heart and the hearts of her girls.

 **Deacon**

When he had woken up the next day, the day after Rayna made the decision to choose Liam, there was a residual sadness. He sighed. He thought it was probably due to a lot of things – the uncomfortable exchange with Rayna and the bad way he'd left things with Stacey. He thought about what Rayna had said. _Stacey is a sweet girl. And I can tell she really likes you a lot. And you seem to enjoy being with her. Why can't you just, I don't know, live in that for a while? Give yourself permission to enjoy someone else. Let her…love you._ She was right. Stacey was a great girl. He had fun with her. It was nice to be with someone who wasn't all tied up in the music industry. He thought maybe he should call her. _If_ she'd take his call.

He sat up and turned to put his feet on the floor. He looked at the clock. He needed to leave in two hours to pick up Maddie. She had spent the night with Tandy, but he was going to take her until Rayna got back. He sighed. Now that Rayna and Teddy had split, it complicated the amount of time he had with Maddie. Teddy wanted visitation with Maddie and, truthfully, she wanted it too. So he had agreed to giving up two nights during the weeks he had her. He didn't like it, but he felt like he needed to be the bigger man.

His phone rang then and he reached for it. He was a little surprised to see that it was Stacey calling. He felt a little bit of anxiety, but answered it. "Hey," he said, trying to sound upbeat.

"Hey." She was silent for a moment and he waited her out. "So, I just wanted to call and, um…."

She stopped again, so he dove in. "Stacey, I'm sorry about what I said. I really am. I was trying to be honest with you, but I get that I didn't say it real well." He sighed. "Me and Rayna, that's history. It really is." He worked his lip a moment. "I'm sorry."

"I want to believe that," she said.

"Then do," he replied. "Come over tonight. Maddie'll be here. We can make dinner." He held his breath.

"Okay," she said. "We can do that." He smiled on his end, feeling a sigh of relief.

* * *

The relationship with Stacey didn't last much longer. As much as they tried, getting past his feelings for Rayna proved harder than either had imagined. It felt to him like she was constantly watching him, to see if things had changed. And, from his perspective, he knew he'd opened up an old wound that it would take some time to heal. It was not without some degree of regret that they mutually decided to call it a day. And, realizing that being a dog owner was not conducive to being on the road, he let her take Sue as well.

 **Rayna**

She did not like Jeff Fordham. Not even a little bit. While she had been leery of Marshall Evans, when he had first stepped in as head of Edgehill Republic, she had gained a respect for him over time. He'd been supportive of her efforts to create her imprint label, Highway 65, and ultimately had been on board with Liam McGuinnis producing her new album. But Jeff Fordham was smarmy. Oh, he said all the right things, but she usually had a good read on people. And her read on Jeff was to watch her back.

She started to toy with the idea of buying herself out of her Edgehill contract and making Highway 65 a real label. The idea of a clean break appealed to her. She was making changes in her personal life, so it seemed like the right time to do that in her professional life as well.

* * *

She was working on dinner in the kitchen when Maddie came in and sat across from her at the kitchen island. She looked up and smiled at her daughter. "Hey, there," she said. "You finished your homework?"

Maddie shrugged. "Not quite. I'll finish it after dinner." She looked at Rayna. "Why did you and Dad get divorced?"

Rayna stopped what she was doing. "Maddie, we've talked about it before. We had problems we couldn't work through."

"But you still worked with him and you guys were friends and everything, so you don't hate each other."

Rayna wasn't sure where this was coming from. "No, of course we don't hate each other. I mean, we don't always agree on everything, but we care about each other and we trust each other." She smiled at her daughter. "And we both love _you_ so very much." She made a face. "What's going on?"

Maddie sighed. "Well, you and my other dad are getting divorced. And you two always act like you can't stand each other."

Rayna clenched her jaw. "Well, sweetheart, the circumstances are very different. But I'm sorry that it's causing you unhappiness. We love you and your sister and we're trying to make things as easy as we can for both of you."

Maddie looked down at the counter and ran her finger back and forth. "I want to take a trip with my dad." She looked up at Rayna then.

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "You do?" Maddie nodded. "Is this just something _you're_ thinking about or have the two of you talked about it?"

"He asked me to ask you if we could."

Rayna knitted her brow. "Well, sweetie, you and your father can do whatever you want on the weeks you're with him. If he wants to take you somewhere on a trip, that's fine with me."

Maddie smiled then. "So summer break then."

Rayna smiled. "Sure."

"Thanks, Mom!"

Maddie jumped up and ran for the stairs. Rayna watched her, a bemused look on her face. She picked up a dishcloth and wiped off her hands, then went to her purse and got out her phone. She scrolled down and tapped on Deacon's name. "Hey," she said, when he answered. "Listen, Maddie just mentioned that the two of you were talking about taking a trip."

"Yeah," he said. "I think she's just kind of feeling confused about stuff."

She frowned. "Confused about what?"

He didn't say anything at first. Then she heard him sigh. "You and Teddy getting divorced. You running off with _Liam_." He emphasized Liam in a snide way. "She just don't know what end's up."

"Hey, she didn't know I went anywhere with Liam. _I_ didn't tell her that. Did you?" She knew Deacon had gotten his nose out of joint about that. She also knew he and Stacey had broken up and that he was out of sorts about that as well. Plus he'd quit Juliette's band at the end of the tour. She had had to put up with Juliette's whining about that ever since they'd started back up on the _Red Lips/White Lies II_ tour. The one she hadn't wanted to do, but Jeff had insisted upon. _You two are gold together. We have to strike while the iron's hot._ She rolled her eyes just thinking about _that_ conversation.

"No, but she's just feeling, I don't know, unsure, I guess, about everything."

She had not known that. She was surprised Maddie hadn't said anything to her about it. "She hasn't talked to me much about any of this."

"You're gone all the time, Ray. And she thinks you're…."

"Thinks I'm what?"

"Sad. She don't want to upset you. But, Rayna, she's confused by all the change." He paused. "She asked about coming to live with me. But I told her no, that wouldn't be a good idea."

She gasped. "What?"

"Hey, don't worry about it. She don't really mean it. She's just, I don't know, it's just hard on her, Ray. She's a teenager and, well, she thinks she's all grown up, but she ain't."

She sighed. "She really wants to live with you?" The thought of that cut her to the core.

"Nah, she don't really. It's just everything going on." He breathed in. "But she asked me about taking a trip."

"She said you brought it up."

"It was her. But it don't matter. I would like to do it, if it's okay."

She waved her hand in front of her face. "It's fine. Like I told her, what y'all do when she's with you is up to y'all." She sighed. "She thinks I'm sad?"

His voice was quiet and compassionate. "She watches you, Ray. You know, you're her whole world. Hers and Daphne's. She don't wanna admit it, but it's true. You're hurting. She hurts too."

She felt tears spring up in her eyes and she breathed in. "Maybe I should take them out with me the next time I have them. Some girl time."

She could picture him smiling on the other end. "I think they'd love that, Ray. I know Maddie would." She had really missed him. With him not being on Juliette's tour, weeks could go by without them seeing each other. Even though things had been tense between them since her trip with Liam and his break up with Stacey, she realized that his absence had left a hole.

She smiled to herself. "I've missed you, Deacon," she said.

There was a long silence. "Me too, Ray," he said, finally, his voice low and heavy with emotion.

 **Teddy**

If he were honest with himself, the marriage probably lasted a lot longer than it should have. He'd been in love with Rayna, dazzled by her from the start. He overlooked her stormy relationship with Deacon. He ignored the idea that he might have been a rebound relationship for her. He took the high road when he knew she was pregnant with another man's child. The way she would look at him, the way she seemed to lean on him, the effort she put into making their marriage meaningful, all of those things endeared her to him and made him want to be a better husband than her first one and a better father.

He always wondered, the entire time they were married, about her loyalty, even though she never gave him any reason to doubt her. And now that they were at the end, sitting across the table in his lawyer's office, trading documents, he acknowledged that, while she may have had feelings for Deacon, she had been a good wife for most of their marriage, supportive and loving. She had given him Daphne and she had also given him the opportunity to have that same kind of relationship with Maddie.

Of course, now she sat across from him angry, at the affair, at the truth about the collapse of the Cumberland deal. She had every right – he knew that – but, as was her way, she held her head high and she never talked about what her true feelings were with anyone. _Well, maybe with Claybourne._ He smirked. He'd been surprised she hadn't run back to him already, and maybe that would come, but she'd been surprisingly circumspect where Deacon was concerned.

It wasn't his problem anymore, though, except for how it impacted Daphne. He had his own life to deal with. As soon as practical, he and Peggy would get married, since she was pregnant. One of life's ironies, he supposed, that he would always marry pregnant women. _At least this one's mine._ He signed the last signature and then stood up. Rayna did as well.

"Never thought it would end like this," he said to her.

"Neither did I," she said. She breathed in. "I know it sort of blew up there at the end, but I want you to know that I will always be grateful for having you in my life. You kept me sane for a lot of years, Teddy. And you supported me when I really needed it."

She surprised him with that. He nodded. "I loved you, Rayna. I wanted to take care of you and give you the life you wanted. The life you needed."

She gave him a ghost of a smile. "And you did." She sighed. "I just want you to be happy. I know you weren't, there towards the end, so I hope you will be now."

He nodded. "You too, Rayna."

 **Deacon**

When Rayna told him she and Teddy had decided to divorce, he'd kind of held his breath for a moment. She had told him so that he would know, when she and Teddy told the girls. He had been a little surprised at how much it had impacted Maddie, but she had lived in that house for all those years. But more than anything, it had made him wonder if there was a chance for him and Rayna now. He'd been sober for all these years. He'd earned her respect as a father to Maddie. They had worked hard at creating a relationship that was based on friendship and a shared love for their daughter.

She had continued to see Liam, though, at least until he left for Europe. She wouldn't talk to him about it, other than to say it was just a fun relationship. _You remember, light and breezy._ He did remember, what she'd said the night before she went to St. Lucia with Liam. All those feelings, though, were still simmering below the surface, and he wondered when, or if, they'd ever talk about them.

He'd watched her compartmentalize, her whole life practically. He realized now that it was the only way she'd ever been able to deal with everything that was going on in her life. It was the only way she'd ever been able to love him, even while he was hurting her beyond measure. It was the only way she was able to stay as long as she had, because she could put all of that in a little box and deal with it later. He'd watched her do it in her professional life too, in those moments when her life off the stage was going off the rails. It was how she could marry Teddy in the first place, how she could stay, and how she could move on now.

He knew she was signing the final decree that day. It made him think back to the day he'd signed the document that ended their marriage. She wouldn't be in the same room with him, and he had thought he couldn't hurt more than that. It had felt like he'd screwed up the best thing he'd ever had in his life, for good. He had no way to know what might have happened, had there not been Maddie. Their daughter had been a bridge. But maybe it wasn't enough.

He'd watched her, all her life, put everything into neat boxes, separating everything so that she could put one foot in front of the other, no matter what faced her. He wondered, now, if it was just second nature to her. She kept moving him to another shelf, he just hadn't realized it before. It made him wish he could do the same.

 **Rayna**

She waited until Teddy was gone before she left. She didn't really feel anything about the end of her marriage, except a sadness that it ended the way it had. They had worked hard to keep as much as they could out of the press, so that it wouldn't impact the girls. It was all they could do. She'd also worked hard not to let the girls see how angry she'd been at Teddy. The one thing she did not want to do was damage that relationship, even though Teddy had turned into somebody she didn't even know.

She thought it was kind of ironic. She had divorced Deacon, because he had disappointed her so many times, because she couldn't depend on him, and because he let her down over and over again. Teddy was supposed to be the anti-Deacon, and he was for a long time, but in the end he had done pretty much the same thing. He'd disappointed her with his financial shenanigans and then with his inability to keep it in his pants with Peggy Kenter. In the end he'd let her down – and the girls – and she had realized she wasn't able to depend on him either. She sighed.

She thought about the fact that, for all practical purposes, she had been married since she was sixteen years old, albeit to two different men. She hadn't stood on her own since the day she left her father's house. She breathed in slowly. Liam had been a lovely diversion, until he left to go back to Europe. It had been easy and uncomplicated. He made her laugh and she'd felt free when they were together. She smiled to herself as she remembered how much she had actually enjoyed sex, just for the fun of it, instead of it being all tied up in love and deep intimacy and connection.

Now she was truly on her own and as she turned to leave, she knew she needed to wrap up one last piece of business.

* * *

He smiled when he opened his door and saw it was her. "Hey," she said, smiling back. He stepped back from the door and let her in. She walked into the living room and then turned back around to face him.

He gestured towards the couch. "You wanna sit?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not staying but a minute." She pursed her lips and then took a breath. "So, the divorce is final. We just signed the papers." She felt a little emotional as she said it, which surprised her, and she felt a little bit like she might cry. "I can't believe I'm divorced again, you know?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure it was…complicated," he said.

She smiled then. "What led up to it was, that's for sure." She rocked back and forth a little, her hands clenching her clutch bag. "I wanted you to know, first of all, so that when you get Maddie, you're prepared." He nodded. "I, uh, I also feel like maybe…I guess, what I'm saying is that I want to be clear on something." She looked down for a second, then back at him. "I'm not ready for another relationship. With anyone. I don't know when I will be. And I know there's been some, um, undercurrent between us lately and I feel like I just need to say this. So we're clear." She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I don't want to go backwards, Deacon. I think what you and I had was special and wonderful for a while, but, you know, it's over. It was over a long time ago. And I don't think it would be good for either of us to try to go back to that or try to recreate it or anything." She could see the emotions playing across his face and she understood them, but she really felt like she had to be clear. "We're still Maddie's parents and I want us to keep doing that really well. I just think we can't mix it up with anything else."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and breathed in. "Okay," he said.

She watched him, knowing she was disappointing him. But she really needed a clean slate. "So, I guess you'll get Maddie in a couple days and then I'll see you Sunday when you drop her off." He nodded. She looked away, then back at him. "I guess I'll get going then," she said softly, and she walked to the door. She opened it and walked out, closing it behind her.

As she walked down the steps to her car, she felt an incredible sadness that seemed to weigh her down the closer she got to her car. As she drove back across town, she couldn't stop the tears. _I wish I were braver. I wish I wasn't still so afraid of the pain._

 **Deacon**

On their last night, they went to the little restaurant that overlooked the Pacific Ocean that had been Maddie's favorite place on their trip. Although he'd taken her to the cabin many times over the years, they'd never really had a real vacation, just the two of them. When Maddie said she wanted to go to California, he thought it was the perfect time for them to do that. It had been a fun week, with walks on the beach, a day at Disneyland, and a Jade St. John concert, among other things. But Maddie seemed introspective their last night, as she poked at her shrimp scampi.

He smiled as he watched her. He knew she felt awkward and gawky, now that she'd shot up four inches in height, seemingly overnight. She thought her glasses made her look dorky and ugly and she would roll her eyes when he'd tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She was, though. She'd begged for contacts and, now that she had them, he thought she was even more beautiful. Every time he looked at her, he saw a sweetness there that made her light up, an intelligence that made her sparkle, and a sense of humor that made him smile. Every time he was with her, he was grateful that he'd been able to watch her grow up and be a part of her life.

He reached across the table and tapped her plate. "You don't like it, sweetie?" he asked.

She looked up and gave him a tiny smile. "No, it's fine. I guess I'm just sad we're going home," she said.

"You don't miss your sister? And your mom?"

She shrugged. "I do, but I really like spending time with you." She made a face. "In fact, now that Mom's divorced, why don't the two of you get back together?"

He choked on his food, surprised at her suggestion. She just kept looking at him with that impish look on her face and he shook his head. "Where did that come from?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, she's divorced. You don't have a girlfriend anymore. You were married before and you're still really close." She shrugged. "Plus _I'd_ really like to have you two together. I've never gotten to have that."

He took a deep breath. This was the first time she'd ever really talked like this. Truthfully, he wouldn't mind trying again with Rayna. He'd never really stopped loving her and he was sure she still loved him. But she'd told him no, unequivocally, that there would not be a reconciliation. "Sweetie, it's just not gonna happen," he said, finally.

Her expression turned sad then and she set her fork down on her plate. "But why, Dad? I mean, you were married before."

He smiled sadly. "I know we were, baby. But we got divorced. For a reason. And she's moved on. I don't think she wants to go back to that."

"But why? What could have been so bad? I mean, if she really hated you, she wouldn't have had you in her band all those years, right?"

He reached across the table for her hand. "Sweetie, she don't hate me. But I was in a really bad place when we got divorced and I don't think she wants that again."

Maddie narrowed her eyes. "But you're fine now. What could you have done that was so bad?"

He'd never really talked to her about his drinking. When she was younger, he and Rayna had had an agreement not to talk about it. But they hadn't really talked about what, if anything, to say to Maddie now about it. He thought she was probably old enough to understand at least some of it. "Baby, I, uh, I had a drinking problem back then. And it was really hard on your mama. She decided she didn't wanna spend her life taking care of me, and she was right."

Maddie frowned. "You don't drink now."

He raised his eyebrows. "No, I don't. But I think the memories are just bad enough that your mama don't wanna remember that time. It's better we're just friends." He pointed at her. "And your parents."

"Well, that's the thing. She knew she was pregnant with me when she married my other dad. Why did she do that?"

He breathed in. "Sweetie, we talked about this before. It just seemed like the right thing. And I don't blame your mama for it. You shouldn't either. She gave you a good life and she let us have all this time together. I'm always grateful for that. That I got to be your daddy." He tapped her plate with his fork. "Finish eating. I'm gonna take you to that cupcake place you wanna go to when we're done." That put a smile back on Maddie's face and, to his relief, focused her on something other than talking about him and Rayna.

 **Rayna**

She pulled up along the curb outside Deacon's house and got out of her car. She hurried up the steps and knocked on his door. He opened the door and smiled when he saw her. "Hey," he said. But she put her hand on his chest, pushing him back in. He frowned. "What the hell, Rayna?"

She closed the door behind her and turned back to look at him, a scowl on her face. "Seriously, Deacon? You just _had_ to tell Maddie about being an alcoholic? And not only that, you tell her and you don't tell _me_ you did it?"

He lifted his hands up, palms out. "You're right. I didn't. I'm sorry. But she ain't a little girl anymore, Rayna. We can't keep hiding stuff from her forever."

She was still scowling. "I _know_ she's not a little girl, Deacon. But she's still a very impressionable young teenager." She put her hands on her hips. "Do you have any idea how many questions she asked me about your drinking problem? And how much time she spent researching it on the internet?" She threw her arms up in the air. "I can't believe you blindsided me like this!"

He frowned at her. "It ain't like I did it on purpose, Rayna!" he cried. "I'm sorry. Maybe I can talk to her."

She shook her head. "I'd rather you didn't. I think I got her settled down over it, but, Deacon, that's a frightening thing for a girl her age to find out about her father. It scared her."

His eyes turned sad. "I didn't mean to scare her."

She sighed. "I know you didn't. And I also know how she can be when she gets her mind set on something. I'm sorry she put you on the spot, but I still think that's something we should have talked about first." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You're a good father, Deacon. She adores you. I just don't want her ever to worry about you."

"I'm sorry."

She nodded. "I know it's been hard lately. I haven't been here much. But we need to do a better job of talking to each other, you know?" She sighed. "We're off the road for a month. I've got a couple things going on, like this stockholder's showcase and some benefit Jeff's insisting we go to, but while I'm in town we should talk more, okay?" He nodded and she smiled. "She's a teenager, Deacon, and she's gonna try our patience, probably more times than not, and we just need to be a united front."

He gave her a crooked smile. "Yeah, I get it."

"Okay. So I've got to pick them up. I've got them this week. So I guess I'll see you at the end of the week." She felt drained when she walked out of his house. He could be such a loose cannon sometimes. It was that same old impulsive behavior. She knew he meant well, but life was tricky with a teenager. And a recovering alcoholic.

* * *

As she was driving back to the other side of town, Bucky called. "Hey, Buck," she said. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to bring you up to speed on Scarlett's media training."

"How's she doing?"

"Overthinking it a bit, but it'll be okay."

She frowned a little. "Do you want me to step in?"

"No, no, I think she'll settle in. Maybe tonight you can give her a call and let her know how it was for you, back in the day."

She laughed. "Oh, I can tell her some stories, that's for sure."

"So, uh…."

"What? Bad news?"

"No, not really. But Steve Buchanan and Pete Fisher called me today and wanted to know if you'd be willing to invite Juliette to be a member of the Opry. Tomorrow night at Luke Wheeler's Youthful Noise show." She was speechless. "Dress code is denim and diamonds, if that matters."

She shook her head. "Wow, Bucky. Damn. They sure know how to put a girl on the spot." She laughed. "But someone has to do it, I suppose, and I have spent a lot of time with her lately. So hey, why not, I guess."

"They were also wondering if you've decided on what song you're going to do."

"Yeah, actually I have. I'm gonna do one of the old ones. 'Back Again'. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like the song that will bring in donations," Bucky said with a laugh.

"Alright then. I'll see you tomorrow night." She sighed. She did not want to invite Juliette Barnes into the Opry. She really wanted to ask Steve and Pete just what the hell they thought they were doing by inviting someone in who really had no respect for the business. Then she shrugged. It would win her brownie points with the girls, for sure. As would her bringing them out on the road with her. And she could sure use some brownie points these days.

 **Luke**

 _She's Deacon's girl. She's always been Deacon's girl. But now she's not. And it seems really over._

Luke had a crush on Rayna Jaymes. At least, according to his daughter Sage. 'Crush' didn't seem like a very manly term though, although he supposed it fit. Truth was, he'd had a thing for Rayna ever since he'd first met her all those years ago at that spotlight night at the Bluebird Café. Of course, she was married to Deacon Claybourne then, who'd puffed his chest out like he owned her.

They'd crossed paths again when they were both on the festival circuit. Deacon had a reputation back then as an unreliable drunk and he'd often wondered why Rayna stayed with him. But she had and their paths diverged. He got married, had kids, got divorced. She'd ended up divorced too, but he was married by then. And, of course, she remarried quickly. He'd never really understood that whole convoluted situation, with her having Deacon's baby and all, but at the time, he was in love and it wasn't his concern.

But she was on the market again, available after her divorce from Teddy Conrad. She was still as beautiful as ever, although her career seemed to be doing a slow dive. Touring with Juliette Barnes had seemed to help, although he considered Rayna to be heads and tails above Juliette. And she hadn't gone running back to Deacon.

He had this benefit coming up and he decided to invite her to perform. Never hurt to check out the current state of affairs. Because he surely did still have this thing for her….

 **Rayna**

Luke Wheeler was a lot more handsome – and a lot less married – than he had been the last time she'd run into him. He'd gotten rid of the mullet and he'd cleaned up his look. Of course, he was one of the top male performers in country music and had one of the top selling tours of any genre. She envied his ability to sell out a stadium and to deliver a multi-platinum album every time. It had been quite a coup for Edgehill Republic to lure him away from his old label. It occurred to her that she might see if he would take Scarlett or Will out on the road with him, as a pre-opener, and so she set her mind to rebuilding a friendship with him.

He'd grown up a lot too, in the years since she'd seen him, but she supposed she'd changed as well. What she did know for sure was that he was still charming and he still had that killer smile and she felt a heat between her legs, when he looked at her, that she hadn't felt in a very long time. She had not been enthusiastic about giving up a night to do his benefit concert, but now she was glad she had. She was looking forward to getting to know Luke Wheeler again.

* * *

She let Luke take her out to his ranch under the pretext of getting the contract signed for Will to open on his tour, but she knew, deep down inside, that he intrigued her a little bit. More than a little bit. And when he took her out to his seven hundred acre ranch and showed her around, she was more than a little impressed. They shared stories about raising kids and dealing with exes and his ex-wife's new husband and Teddy marrying Peggy and she was beginning to see that they had far more in common than she'd even imagined at first. She had not been particularly interested in jumping into a new relationship, but she couldn't deny the attraction and she was sure the feeling was mutual, and she decided she was open to the possibilities.

* * *

She was even more sure the feeling was mutual when she found herself, hours later, tangled up in the sheets of Luke Wheeler's king-sized bed, feeling about as satisfied as she'd felt in years. She rolled towards him and kissed him. "I think I like this a whole lot more than I was expecting to," she said with a smile.

He chuckled and ran his hand over her back. "So does that mean you've been thinking about it before now?" he asked, a teasing look on his face.

She grinned. "Well," she said, and then she laughed. "I can't say I wasn't. Thinking about it, I guess."

"Well, I hope that means we can do a lot more of this in the future," he said, his eyes focused on hers.

She ran her finger down his cheek and smiled. "I think it's safe to say that's a yes," she purred as she leaned in to kiss him.

When he pulled away from the kiss, finally, he looked at her closely. "What about Deacon?" he asked.

She frowned. "What about him?" she asked, testily.

He leaned back on the pillow and made a noise. "Rayna, he's been there with you ever since I met you. Even after your divorce, he was in your band, always there, all through your second marriage…."

"We have a daughter together, Luke," she said, not sure where he was going with this and feeling a little anxiety about it.

"Well, I know that, but" – he looked at her closely – "it's hard to believe there's nothing between y'all."

She sighed and then shrugged. "There is. There's Maddie. We've been parenting her together and will continue to do that. And there's our history. But, Luke, you know, when he and I were together, those were some of the most painful and tumultuous years of my life. And it's my past." She cut her eyes at him. "But you're my present. Now. And I want to see what's ahead for us." She smiled a little. "I'm not looking back. That's just really never been on the table. I want to be clear about that."

He breathed in deeply, just looking at her. She wondered what he was thinking. Then he pulled her towards him and kissed her hungrily and she relaxed against him, feeling a sense of relief and looking forward to what was ahead.

* * *

When Deacon dropped Maddie off, Rayna trailed after him as he headed for his truck. "Deacon," she called out and he turned around. "Um, you got a minute?" She wasn't sure why she felt nervous, but she did.

He took two steps back towards her. "Sure," he said, his hands on his hips.

She wrapped her arms around her waist and bent her knee, tapping the toe of her boot on the walkway. She glanced away from him and then back. "I, uh, I just thought I'd let you know that I, uh, I'm seeing Luke Wheeler." She made a face, knowing that had come out a lot less polished than she'd intended. It wasn't like she was embarrassed to be seeing Luke or that she'd given Deacon any indication her thoughts about them had changed, but it had felt more awkward than she'd expected. It also occurred to her that it might have been the same for him, when she'd wanted him to communicate the same to her.

He looked surprised at first and then rolled his eyes. _He actually rolled his eyes!_ He let out a sharp laugh. "Old Wheels Up. So he finally got what he was wanting all those years ago, huh?" he said, more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

She scowled. "What the hell does that mean?"

He shrugged and lifted up his hands. "Oh, I don't know, Rayna, like he ain't been panting after you, ever since we met him? Trying to cozy up to you? Being right there when you needed someone to fill in for me? That kinda thing?"

She put her hands on her hips. "For the record, you were passed out cold when he filled in for you. And it was just one time, Deacon. One time! And he has _not_ been panting after me. It's not like we were running in the same circles after those first couple years. So don't make it sound like he's been chasing me." She stared at him.

He shook his head. "Hey, you know, I got no say in who you spend time with." He leaned a little towards her and gestured towards her with one hand. "But weren't you the one who wanted to take time for yourself? Not get involved in anything? Just do light and fun? That was you, right?"

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "I can't believe you," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not _marrying_ the man, I'm just going to _date_ him. And I thought you'd want to know, before I tell the girls. And because we'll probably run into each other from time to time and I don't want things to be awkward. I don't want you to feel taken by surprise." She glared at him, knowing she was throwing everything in his face she felt he'd done to her.

He looked away and breathed in. Then he breathed out in a whoosh. "Yeah, you're right," he said, his voice calmer but still a little clipped. He looked back at her then. "Thanks for letting me know. Hope it works out." Then he turned on his heel and quickly headed for his truck, as she stood staring after him.

She swallowed. _That_ _did not go particularly well._

 _ **A/N: Yes, I let Rayna have her fling with Liam instead of showing up on Deacon's doorstep. But since he's known about Maddie her whole life, I didn't want to muddy the waters with that pesky little car crash and all the angst that happened afterwards. I know some of you will be disappointed about the two of them not getting together yet, but basically Rayna feels like her heart was so broken that she's not sure she's willing to risk that again. It's going to take something life-changing to get her to take that risk, so stay tuned!**_


	23. 2014

**Rayna**

She was starting the new year off right. She had made a plan and, backed by Lamar and Tandy, she had bought herself out of Edgehill Republic and turned her Highway 65 imprint into a record label. Her goal was to create a place where she could nurture artists, treat them the way she thought they should be treated, and act as an incubator for rising talent. To that end, she had signed, as her first artists, Scarlett O'Connor and her on again/off again boyfriend and full time cowriter, Gunnar Scott, as well as another rising star, Will Lexington. She also picked up, albeit reluctantly, Juliette Barnes, when her contract with Edgehill was up.

She'd been apprehensive about asking her father for help. They had tentatively begun to try repairing their relationship, in the aftermath of his heart attack, and he had seemed genuinely touched that she'd asked him to invest in her dream. It still nudged at the back of her brain, but she made herself push her anxieties aside and concentrate on building the framework she'd always wanted. That he was the one person she knew who had the means to help her made her swallow her anxiety and make the ask. She'd been surprised at how easily he said yes, but also grateful.

She was excited about performing again and mentoring new talent and she was ready to get her album out in front of the public. She had gained a larger audience by doing the extended _Red Lips/White Lies_ tours with Juliette and her record sales had begun to climb again. And she was happy in her new relationship with Luke. It felt like a real grown up relationship.

 _I hate to even write this down, for fear it'll all blow up in my face, but Luke feels like the perfect partner. We're equals on the stage and that's important for so many reasons – he understands the artist's life, he understands my passion, we walk beside each other – and they're all reasons that maybe have made my other relationships not work as well. He's fun and he's exciting and he makes me laugh. A lot. It's nice not to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders or feel like I'm holding up the family. We just seem to fit together._

 _A clean slate. None of the baggage. I love it. And I think I love him._

She read back over her words and smiled. It was a good feeling to be with someone like Luke. She felt like he was the man she'd been waiting for all these years. He was the best of everything she'd had in her past, with none of the pain she'd had with Deacon or the lack of passion with Teddy. This felt real and good and she felt happier than she had in years. The girls seemed to like him too, so it all felt like it was falling into place perfectly. Deacon wasn't thrilled, she knew, but he'd mostly left it alone.

 **Deacon**

He'd been surprised when Rayna called and asked to come over. She was waiting in front of his house when he got home. "Hey," he said, when he saw her sitting in her car across the street. "Sorry I'm late."

She got out of her car. "No problem. Thanks for seeing me on short notice."

He got out of his truck as she walked over to him. "What's up?" he asked, frowning slightly. "Something with Maddie?" This was one of the four day blocks of time Maddie was at Teddy's.

She shook her head. "No, Maddie's fine." She inclined her head slightly towards the house. "Can we talk inside?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, come on," he said. He followed her up the steps and then, unlocking the door, stepped back to let her enter.

As they walked in the house, she took off her coat and hat and laid them on his couch. She walked into the dining room and he shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it on the coat rack by the door. He followed her and sat down. She reached into her purse and pulled out a CD, laying it on the table in front of him. "That's the album I did with Liam," she said. "Very proud of it."

He wasn't sure where this was going, but he said, "Good. That's great. So it's all done then?"

She breathed in. "Well, it needs a leadoff single. But I want to put something on there that really feels worthy of the heart and soul of the album, you know? I don't want something on there I don't love. Bucky gave me a bunch of demos to listen to, but, you know, nothing felt right. Nothing was that special song."

He still wasn't sure why she was telling him all this. "Sure," he said.

Then she got to it. "And, you know, for better or worse, you and I have written a lot of hits together."

He understood now. But he needed her to ask and he knew she needed to do the ask. He smiled a little. "What are you asking me, Ray?"

"I'm asking if you would consider writing a song with me." She smiled a little shyly. It had been a long time since she'd asked him to write with her.

He laughed softly. "Of course I will."

She looked grateful. "Thanks. I know we're kinda rusty at this, but, well, the marketing intel was that I didn't have a solid leadoff single, so I want to do something kind of fun." He could have sworn she blushed a little. "And you're the best one I know to help me do that." Then her look turned serious. "This is so important, you know. I wrote everything on this album and it's the first one on Highway 65, so…."

He nodded. "I know," he said softly. "It means everything to you." He breathed in. "Thanks for asking me, Ray. I promise I'll help you put out a winner."

She smiled then. "I know you will." She pushed the CD a little closer. "If you have some time, I'd like for you to listen to this. Tell me what you think." She made a face. "And be honest."

He smirked. "You know I will."

She nodded and then stood up, smoothing her hands down her pants. "Well, I need to get going. I've got some studio stuff to do with Scarlett and Gunnar tomorrow, but will the day after work for you?"

He stood as well. "Absolutely. Just come by when you're ready."

She hesitated a second, then nodded again. "Thanks, Deacon." She smiled, a nervous smile, he thought, and then she headed towards the living room. She picked up her coat and he helped her slide it on. "I'll see you then," she said.

He walked her to the door and opened it. She walked out onto the porch and then turned back slightly. "Take care, Ray," he said. She nodded and then turned and walked down the steps. He stood and watched until she drove away.

 **Rayna**

She acknowledged to herself that she was nervous about the cowrite with Deacon. It wasn't that they couldn't write songs together that didn't end up with them in bed – after all, they'd written 'Changing Ground' and he'd essentially been the cowriter on 'Anywhere But Here' – but even then, the emotions had been heavy. And it had only been two songs – not a trend. But it had been a long time now. The last time she'd done this with him was not long after Daphne was born. And they had seemed to move on to a better place, with him going off on his own as a solo artist and her building her label.

* * *

Bucky booked them space in a meeting room for their writing session. Rayna had asked him to find someplace neutral, thinking it would prevent any weirdness from coming up, but when they got there, it seemed so sterile. "Can you play your guitar in these chairs?" she asked him, scrunching up her face, as he laid his guitar case on the table. The room was all white, with a white conference table and office swivel chairs.

He looked around the room. "I guess I can make it work," he said, but his expression said otherwise.

She breathed in. "You wanna go somewhere else?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, let's go somewhere else," he said, swiftly picking up his guitar.

Without any discussion between them, she followed him to his house.

* * *

It felt good, writing again with Deacon, even if they were back in _their_ house, where they'd written so many songs in the past. They'd shared a pizza, in between working on lyrics. She talked to him about the tone she wanted for the music and he played different melodies and riffs until things started to jell. They reminisced, about old tour stops at dive bars and the van they used for a while that seemed like it broke down every hundred miles. It felt comfortable, because they both made it that way, and, even when they talked around songwriting in bed, it didn't seem too heavy. She felt herself relax.

Finally they put it all together and sang it through. The song was exactly what she wanted. It was light, fun, and upbeat. It was about love, but a lighthearted take on it, about looking for something easy and uncomplicated.

 _I wanna get back on the sweet side / I wanna get back on the slow ride / Want every kiss to give me butterflies / See that oh, baby come here look in your eyes / This time / This time_

But that was when things changed. When they finished running through the whole song, there was a heaviness in the air, their past finally coming forward. They looked at each other and then laughed, almost self-consciously. She felt a little giddy and she felt the butterflies she'd just sung about in her own stomach. She didn't want to feel that way, but she did.

"Oh, wow," he said. "That was, uh, that felt like yesterday." The way he looked at her spoke volumes.

She laughed and tried not to look back, but she couldn't help it. "Yeah," she said, a little breathlessly, and she gazed into his eyes with the weight of all their history hanging between them. "Yeah," she said again, a little more calmly. She still couldn't quite catch her breath, though, and she could tell, from the look on his face, that he was having trouble too. It seemed like they were leaning towards each other, leaning towards _something_.

Then the door opened and broke the tension. Both of them sat up and turned towards the door as Maddie walked in. Deacon stood up and Rayna sat back, feeling her heart racing. Maddie looked back and forth between the two of them, a confused look on her face. "Hey," she said. "What's going on?"

Deacon quickly walked over and gave her a hug. "Hey there, sweet girl." He glanced back at Rayna. "I guess we lost track of time. Your mama came over and I helped her write a song for her album."

Maddie's eyes widened with excitement. "Really?" she asked, with a smile. "That's so awesome! Can I hear it?" She headed for Rayna to give her a hug as well and Rayna could feel her heart still pounding and her mouth felt dry. _What the hell was that?_ She hadn't realized how late it was and she'd forgotten it was the day Maddie would be coming over and then she was grateful for the timing of it.

She held Maddie out at arms' length and smiled at her. "Of course we can sing it for you. But then I need to get going so you can have your time with your dad."

"Can you stay and have dinner with us?" Maddie asked. Then she turned to Deacon. "She can stay, can't she, Dad?"

"Oh, sweetie, I can't. You know. I'm going to that thing with Luke tonight." She just glanced at Deacon then but could see the shadow cross his face. "Gunnar's number one party for 'Ball and Chain'." She gave Maddie an apologetic smile. "Maybe another time."

* * *

As she was getting dressed for the party, she realized her hands were still shaking. _That was a close call._ If Maddie hadn't walked in the door, she wasn't at all sure where things would have gone. She had held herself apart from Deacon for so many years, was so sure about her new relationship with Luke, and yet it felt very much like she was mere minutes from throwing it all away. She swallowed hard. She knew she'd used Teddy as a shield. He had kept her from running back to Deacon, when that would have been her pattern.

They had been able to stay clear of those temptations, over the years, because they hadn't often put themselves in situations that felt too close or too entangled with their history. As Maddie got older and more independent and needed them less, it had been easier to separate. But being in that house, with all those ghosts, that had nearly enveloped them again. She breathed in deeply, promising herself not to let herself get into a situation like that again. _We need to not do that again._ She sighed, feeling an inexplicable sadness, then she reached into her closet and pulled out her ivory jacquard jacket.

 **Deacon**

He was in the middle of a van tour, supporting an EP that wasn't yet getting a lot of traction. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be starting out, trying to find a place on the country music stage. It felt like forever ago when he and Rayna had done the same thing, performing on stages of places off the beaten track, in front of half-empty or quarter-full dive bars and small town venues. He'd almost forgotten how hard it was to get attention. It wasn't like playing at the Bluebird, where he knew people. This was starting at the bottom, at forty-five years of age, hoping to get word-of-mouth that would get him to the next level.

He headed for his motel room after his gig. He'd had a better crowd this time – the venue was mostly full – and he'd been well-received. He laid on the bed, propping himself back against the headboard, and pulled out his phone. It wasn't too late and he knew Maddie would still be awake, so he called her.

"Hey, Dad!" she cried, when she answered the phone. "How was it tonight?"

He smiled. Hearing her voice was always balm for his soul. "Actually pretty good. The place was almost full and they were a good crowd. Lots of applause."

"I'm so excited! But not surprised, you know. You're really good!"

He laughed a little. "Well, thank you, baby, but I think you're a little biased."

She laughed too. "I am, but I'm also right. Everybody thinks you're great. Guess what?"

"What?"

"I know you're gonna be at Douglas Corner in two weeks and Mom said she'd bring me to see you."

He felt that quiver of heat when Maddie mentioned Rayna. "She did?"

"Yes! I'm so excited to see you on stage."

He smiled to himself. "But you seen me play before, sweetie."

"But not now that you're a big recording artist." He could picture her teasing smile.

"I ain't a big recording artist, but I always love having you come see me, so I'll look forward to that." He closed his eyes. "And thank your mama for saying she'd bring you."

* * *

After he'd hung up with Maddie, he thought about Rayna coming with her. She was so caught up these days with her fledgling label and promoting her album. He remembered when he listened to it, that night she'd come by to ask him if he'd write a song with her. She'd written every song on it and he had thought it was amazing. He could understand why it was so important that she have a leadoff single that fit with it, and he was glad he'd been able to help her with that. Her whole heart was in that album and he'd felt proud of her as he listened to each track.

But of course there was Luke. He'd increasingly become a fixture in Rayna's life, which meant that Maddie and Daphne were spending more time with him. According to Maddie, Daphne adored him, but she was a little more on the fence. When he'd seen Luke, the other man had seemed to go out of his way to be congenial and friendly, so he had tried to do the same.

He breathed in. He had told Rayna he was doing this, trying again at being a front man, and she'd been nothing but supportive. She had brought the girls to his set at the Music City Festival down at the riverfront and had hung around for a few minutes, after he was done and the girls had wandered off with Scarlett.

 _She walked up to him as he was putting his guitar back in the case. He looked up and she smiled. "Thought I'd gone back in time for a minute there," she said._

" _A long minute, then," he said with a smile. "I didn't expect to see you here. You're not playing this one, are you?" This was a festival mostly for up-and-coming artists and he'd been a last minute add._

 _She shook her head. "I just wanted to check out the fresh talent." She smiled teasingly. "Gotta find that next big thing for my label, you know." He laughed. "You're a real good front man, Deacon."_

 _It felt a little awkward, as had everything since she'd started seeing Luke, but he appreciated her compliment. "Learned from the best," he said and he thought she blushed. "Finally ran out of good reasons not to try it myself."_

 _She nodded. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." She breathed in. "I'm glad you're giving it another shot, Deacon. I always thought you had it in you."_

 _He smiled. "I think you were the only one who did back then. I just don't think I had enough confidence." He took a deep breath. "But figured I'd try."_

 _She smiled. "Maddie played your EP for me. I loved it. I liked the idea of 'Live at the Bluebird'. That was inspired. And your songs, well, they were as good as anything you've ever done."_

 _He smiled back, a little sheepishly. "Well, one thing I can at least do half good is write songs. My whole life I've known how to write songs from a place of pain, you know, or chaos, heartache. Just more of the same."_

 _She smiled, a little sadly. "Maddie tells me I missed out on my next new artist and I think she might be right."_

 _He laughed then. "She's my biggest fan, that's for sure."_

 _She nodded. "I'm a fan too." He thought she looked a little wistful then, but she recovered. She waved off towards the crowd. "I need to go find the girls. They headed off with Scarlett to another stage." She started to leave, then turned back. "I'm rooting for you."_

" _Thanks, Ray. Means a lot." Then he watched as she walked off into the crowd._

* * *

When Rayna brought Maddie to Douglas Corner, she also brought Luke, which had felt awkward until, after the show was over, Luke invited him to open on his tour. He'd been surprised by that. Ultimately he decided to do it, enthusiastically encouraged by Maddie, even though he couldn't help but wonder about Luke's motives in asking.

 **Tandy**

When Rayna had first started Highway 65 and Tandy had decided to leave Wyatt Industries and join her, she'd hoped it would be one of those 'you and me against the world' kind of deals like they'd done as teenagers, after their mom died. It had felt good, at first, even though she knew nothing really about the business side of the music industry. But she was learning and it had been fun to do it with her sister. She was so proud of Rayna and what she was doing with her life. She'd always been proud of her success on the stage, but, seeing her start and grow a business that came from her heart had been heartwarming. At least until their father died.

On the one hand, Lamar's death had provided Rayna with the money, through her inheritance, to pay off the second mortgage on her house that she'd invested in her label, and got her back on level ground. But it had also opened up some terrible wounds. Some evidence had been uncovered that suggested Lamar had had a hand in the crash that had killed their mother and that had sent Rayna into a dark tailspin. Tandy had watched as she'd pulled inside herself and wouldn't talk to anyone about it.

Tandy understood. She herself had overlooked the shadier side of their father's business dealings, partly because she'd gotten caught up in them herself over time. So she was probably more pragmatic about things than her sister, who always operated from her heart. The news about their mother's death and Lamar's likely involvement had shaken them both, but Rayna had really struggled with her emotions. Tandy knew how close Rayna had been with their mom. At the age of twelve, Rayna still hadn't gotten to the point where she wanted that separation, the separation that Tandy had already experienced as a teenager. It had brought up all those feelings of abandonment that Rayna had had back then.

Tandy was grateful, then, that Luke was there to help her sister get through that. She liked Luke – a lot – and thought he was good for Rayna, in so many ways. And, as Rayna started to step back out into the light, Tandy gave all the credit to Luke Wheeler. He was definitely a keeper.

 **Luke**

It was not easy to be Luke Wheeler and plan how to ask Rayna Jaymes to marry him without the whole world knowing about it. His manager arranged for trusted associates to bring together an assortment of stunning rings to display at his home. Luke had no idea about cut and clarity and carat size, except he knew he wanted something big, because Rayna was like a goddess on a pedestal to him. It needed to be exquisite, because she was. And he would need it for the big concert at LP Field that was going to be her album launch kickoff.

He settled on a seven-carat stunner that he suspected she would say was over-the-top, but he didn't care. He was crazy about her, had been ever since he'd met her, and he couldn't believe he was the one in a relationship with her now. There was a tiny niggle of anxiety deep down inside him that made him wonder if she wouldn't change her mind and go back to Deacon. She'd gone through a lot with him and for him and Luke knew she wouldn't have done it if she hadn't loved him deeply. But she had given him no indication that she was wavering, in that regard. So he shook it off and he bought the ring.

* * *

The stadium was packed, Rayna was a vision, and she was at the top of her game. He came out to help her close out the show with 'Ball and Chain'. When he went down on one knee in front of her, he loved the look of surprise on her face as he asked if he could be her ball and chain, in front of seventy thousand screaming fans. She leaned down and kissed him, then held her hand out so that he could slide the ring on. He'd never been happier in his life than when she said yes.

 **Rayna**

When she walked into the house, it was empty. Maddie and Daphne were at Teddy's, Luke had gone to pick up his kids and would be spending the night at the ranch. She looked down at her hand, at the seven carat diamond ring that was sparkling on her left hand. She smiled to herself. It was so over the top, but also so Luke. It was stunning, no doubt about it. She'd never had anything quite like this. Deacon hadn't given her an engagement ring and they'd never gotten around to getting one. The one Teddy gave her was beautiful, but nowhere near as big as this one.

She walked up the stairs and down to her bedroom. She stood in front of the mirror and breathed in deeply. When she looked at herself, she could see the ring on her hand, pressed against her leg. She lifted it up again and let the light play off of it. She felt a little thrill run through her, but she also felt a little hesitant, and she wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was because it had been such a whirlwind with Luke. Maybe it was that they hadn't actually talked about marriage, specifically. They had talked future, but nothing like this. Maybe it was that he surprised her, in front of all those fans. In front of the girls and Tandy and Teddy. In front of Deacon.

She sighed and then walked into the closet, changing into a t-shirt and shorts. She walked back to the vanity and took the ring off, laying it on a jewelry tray. Then she pulled open one of the trays in her jewelry box. She stared for a moment at the little box. She finally reached for it and pulled it out. She opened it and stared down at the ring inside. She hesitated for a second, then put the box down and took the band out.

It was silver and it had little vines engraved around it. It was simple, something Deacon could afford back then. They had decided to spend a little money and have their bands engraved. She turned it in her fingers until she saw the delicate engraving. _Forever._ It was supposed to be forever. She had believed it would be forever until the day she signed her divorce decree. She felt an ache in her heart for the two young lovers from all those years ago, who had believed in forever and for always, because they didn't know what their lives would become.

She put the ring back in the box, put the top on and put it back in the drawer, closing it. She picked up the diamond ring Luke had given her and sighed. _This_ would be forever, she was sure of it. This was going to be the forever she was hoping for.

 **Deacon**

Maddie had been skulking around since she'd gotten to his house that morning. She spent a lot of time in her room and when she wasn't there, her face was practically expressionless and she mostly responded in one word sentences. He knew she was upset, but he wasn't really sure how to talk to her about it. He was upset too and was afraid of what he might say.

 _Teddy hovered at the door when he dropped Maddie off. Deacon raised his eyebrows. "I should warn you that she's kind of out of sorts about Rayna's engagement," Teddy said, looking a little grim. "She hasn't been a joy to be around these last few days."_

 _Deacon nodded. He could certainly relate. "It was kinda sudden, I guess," he said._

 _Teddy nodded. "Both of the girls were taken a little bit by surprise, although Daphne recovered a little more quickly." He sighed, looking a little defeated. "I think it's just more complicated for Maddie." He gave Deacon a tight smile. "Just wanted to give you a heads up."_

 _Deacon breathed in and nodded. "Thanks."_

Out of sorts just didn't seem to cover it.

* * *

"Maddie!" he called out. "Dinner's ready." He took the casserole over to the dining room table, where he'd set the table for them. He expected Maddie to tease him about the casserole and he hoped that would kind of break the mood. He went back in the kitchen and poured iced tea in glasses and walked them to the dining room table. He frowned. "Maddie!" he called out again. He didn't hear anything, so he put the glasses down and headed for her bedroom. The door was closed and he knocked. "Maddie?"

She finally opened the door, a sullen look on her face. "What?" she asked mulishly.

He frowned. "Dinner's ready. You coming?"

"I'm not hungry." She stood there, looking like she was going to challenge him.

"It's that chicken casserole you like."

She rolled her eyes. "I said, I'm not hungry." She started to close her door, but he pushed back and followed her into her room. She glared at him. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" she cried. "Everything _sucks_ right now."

He scowled. "Maddie, you wanna know what sucks right now? This whole attitude you got going on here. Now I know you're upset about your mom and all that, but that is no reason to dump on me."

She looked incredulous. "I think I'm entitled to dump a lot of it on you."

He was confused. "Me, why _me_? I ain't done a damn thing wrong here." He couldn't figure out what he could have done. It hadn't been him that had gotten engaged.

She shook her head. "That is total crap." She turned and walked towards her bed.

He frowned. "What do you mean, total crap?"

She threw her hands up. "Because Mom is marrying Luke because you're too pathetic to do anything about it!" she cried.

He put his hands up in front of him. "You hold on right there a second…."

She interrupted him, a devastated look on her face. "Why didn't you just say something? Why didn't you fight for her?"

He stopped and then looked at her sadly. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry." He looked down at the floor and then back at her. "That wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to go back to the past." She dropped down onto her bed and put her face in her hands and started crying. He walked over and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms and just letting her cry. Finally he kissed her on the forehead. "I'm sorry, sweet girl. I probably shouldn't have told you that."

She pulled back and looked at him, her eyes still filled with tears. "Why wouldn't she want you?"

He rubbed his hand up and down her arm and sighed. "She had her reasons. We gotta respect that." He hated it, though, for himself and also for Maddie.

* * *

He sat on the porch swing that night, after Maddie had finally gone to bed. He thought about what Rayna had said the day she'd divorced Teddy. _I think what you and I had was special and wonderful for a while, but, you know, it's over. It was over a long time ago. And I don't think it would be good for either of us to try to go back to that or try to recreate it or anything._ He wondered if he'd been wrong all those years, when he believed she felt the same way he felt. _Maybe not._

He sighed. It sort of felt like this time he might really have lost her. Luke wasn't Teddy. He'd read in one of the many articles that came out when Luke and Rayna started dating that Luke was Deacon Claybourne without the drama. It had cut him to the core, but the truth of it was that Luke came without baggage, he knew that. But he also knew that, for him at least, it wasn't so easy to just fall out of love with Rayna Jaymes. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd be in love with her for the rest of his life.

 **Maddie**

Maddie hurried up to her room. She heard footsteps, so she knew her mom had followed her. When she turned around, she saw Rayna standing with her hands in her back pockets. "You wanna talk about it?" she asked.

Maddie looked up at her. "No," she said.

Rayna shrugged and then took a few steps closer to her daughter. "Well, I do."

Maddie threw her arms up in the air. "Why, Mom? It won't change anything."

Rayna nodded. "You're right, it won't. But maybe it will help you understand." She gestured to her. "Let's sit a minute."

Maddie was reluctant at first, but then she finally sat on the bed and Rayna moved to sit next to her. She put an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "Honey, I know what you want, and I'm sorry that it's not working out that way."

Maddie turned and glared at her. "You're _not_ sorry!" she cried.

"Actually, I am. Because I know it was important to you. And because I know you don't really know everything that happened."

Maddie's couldn't believe her mom thought she was so naïve. "You could have stayed with him, Mom. I _know_ you could have. You didn't have to marry someone else. You could have married him again."

Rayna closed her eyes for a moment and then she smiled sadly. "Sweetie, I'm so sorry. And I know your father is too. Neither of us ever wanted to hurt you like this. But here's the thing." She wiped the tears off Maddie's cheeks. "Your father and I didn't get divorced because we didn't love each other. You know that. But there was a lot of hurt and pain and, even though I care very much for him still, it's not enough to go back to. I want a good life, for you and your sister, and for me. Luke is a good man, if you'll give him a shot. He wants to get to know you better and I hope you'll let him."

"It's just not fair," Maddie cried.

"I know it's not what you were hoping for. But you can still see your father whenever you want. And you'll still have the same wonderful relationship with him that you've always had. But I'd really like for you to give Luke a chance. I love him and I'm looking forward to building a life with him, that includes you and your sister." She rubbed Maddie's arm. "Can you try?"

Maddie sighed deeply and then finally leaned her head on Rayna's shoulder. "I guess," she whispered.

 **Rayna**

Rayna stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom. Her glam squad had dressed her and put on her make-up and styled her hair just the way she liked. She added the dressy high heeled sandals, the bracelets and earrings. She smoothed the dress down as she critiqued herself in the mirror. She was back on top in a big way, with six nominations and yet another platinum album, and it was important to look the part.

She smiled briefly at her reflection. The dress was stunning. The heavily brocaded and sequined gold strapless bodice accentuated her curves perfectly and the cream colored skirt floated down over her legs and shoes. She actually felt a little bit like a princess. She reached for the last two things – the monstrous seven-carat diamond engagement ring and the necklace she always wore, with the simple blue stone that matched her eyes. She touched the stone with her fingers, knowing it didn't match the rest of her ensemble, but she didn't really care. She'd upgraded the chain years before to something more sturdy, but otherwise it was the same necklace she'd had since she was nineteen. It was her good luck charm and, if her song won that night, then it would be a way of having Deacon there to be a part of it.

She heard Luke's footsteps. "Have you seen my speeches?" he asked as he walked into her room.

She was still focused on the mirror. "Speeches plural?"

He came up behind her, giving her an appreciative look in the mirror as she played with her hair. "Well, I am up for five awards tonight," he said, with a smirk. He leaned in. "But don't worry, sweetheart, I'll save a few for you."

Thankfully he walked away and she rolled her eyes. "Only five? Because your future wife's up for six, but who's counting, right?" He chuckled. "Did you look in your bag?" she asked, as she walked over to where his bag was sitting on the chair.

"I looked in there once, but didn't find 'em. I guess they could be buried in there somewhere," he called back.

She later wondered if he had gone through all that on purpose, just so she'd find that pre-nup. He, of course, feigned innocence and acted like it was no big deal, but it was certainly a big deal to her. She had been more famous and successful than Teddy when they married and there had been no pre-nup. And, of course, when she and Deacon had married, neither of them had anything. But she had always been fair and expected the same in return. She had given Deacon far more than she had gotten out of their marriage, and then she and Teddy had been fair with each other in splitting their assets.

She lifted it out of the bag, just as he was walking back in the room. "When were you gonna tell me about _this_?" she asked.

"What?" he asked.

She held out the document. "Pre-nup?"

He at least looked a little surprised. "I figured it was a given, to be honest. And that we _would_ talk about it."

He had explained it away neatly, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. Or talking about it, all the way to the CMA's. In fact, it ate away at her more and more over the night. It got all mixed up with her wins and his losses and his reaction to all that.

As they drove back to her house in silence, she thought about everything that had transpired over the last several months. The constant focus on branding and social media and doing things she had never felt comfortable with in building her career. She knew the industry had changed, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was selling out to get back on top. It wasn't about the music anymore, it didn't seem like. And then there was the lack of time with Maddie and Daphne. Which had led to things like the party at the house and the girls acting out. Something was very, very wrong in her life. And it wasn't the first time she'd had those thoughts. They were just getting louder.

* * *

When the limo pulled up to the front door, Luke started to get out. Rayna turned to him. "Why don't you go on home tonight?" she said wearily. "You're still a little drunk and I really don't have the energy to deal with it tonight."

He looked surprised at first and then he frowned. "Are you kidding me, Rayna?" he asked. "Are you still all worked up over that damn pre-nup?"

She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "No, I'm not kidding you," she said, ignoring the comment about the pre-nup. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." She got out of the limo and told the driver to take Luke home and then she walked up to her front door and let herself in.

* * *

She stood in the shower for a long time, first crying and then just feeling numb. When she climbed into bed, after changing into a t-shirt and shorts, she picked up her phone from the bedside table where she'd left it. She saw that she had a text from Deacon. _Congrats, Ray. Much deserved._ She just looked at it and sighed. Of course he would be the one who would just be happy for her, with no expectations or hidden agendas. Then she put one arm across her waist, lifting her other hand, with the phone, and covering her mouth. She felt a huge lump in her chest and tears welling up in her eyes. After a moment, she unlocked her phone and opened the text. She started to reply but then she went and found his contact information instead and hit call.

"Hey, Ray," he said when he answered, sounding a little surprised. "I thought you'd be celebrating." She couldn't speak for fear she would break down in tears. "Ray? You there?"

She lowered her head. "This was the worst night of my life," she said softly. She wasn't even sure he could hear her.

"You by yourself?" he asked then.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I'll be right there." And he disconnected.

* * *

By the time he got there, she had composed herself. She had slipped a robe on over her sleepwear and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She had thought about pouring herself a glass of wine, but she decided that would be rude, even though she really thought she could use it. When the knock came on the back door, she walked over and opened it. When she saw the concern on his face, she broke down into tears again.

He put his arms around her and pulled her in close, putting one hand on the back of her head. When she finally settled down again, he looked down at her. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked.

She made a face and shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "Maybe. Yes. No. I don't know."

He smiled. "Well, it's one of those," he said.

She smirked and swatted his arm, then took his hand and led him to the loveseat in the den. He settled in against the arm on one side and she sat on the other side, propping her head with her elbow resting on the back of the couch. She pulled her legs up underneath her. "He wants a damn pre-nup," she said.

He breathed in. "Ain't that kinda normal?" he said. "I mean, for people like you and him."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't even know what that means, Deacon. I never had a pre-nup with _you_. Or with Teddy."

He laughed. "Baby, me and you didn't have nothing to have a pre-nup about."

She shook her head. "That's not really true. I mean, I guess we didn't back at the _very_ beginning, but we had the cabin. And the house. And _we_ figured it out. Without a pre-nup."

He breathed in. "People like him, they probably need something like that." He raised his eyebrow. "And at the risk of overstepping, if he wanted you to sign one, means he sure don't know nothing about you." She looked down at her lap. He wasn't wrong. "So what are you gonna do?"

She looked back up at him. "About the pre-nup? Or all of it?"

He looked surprised. "I didn't know 'all of it' was on the table."

She picked at the hem of her robe, not looking at him. "There's just been a lot of little things, and not so little things, that have got me thinking. And all his damn competitiveness, in general, and with me, specifically." She looked up at him then. "Just so there's no misunderstanding, I _do_ love him. I'm just not sure about everything else. Can you understand what I'm saying?"

He sighed. "I guess." He worked his lip. "Why you talking to _me_ about it then?"

She spread her hands open. "You know me better than anyone else. Maybe it's not fair of me to talk to you about this, or expect you to be objective, but I don't have anyone else." They had always kept their relationship lives separate from each other. It was a line they somehow knew they couldn't cross. Until now.

He took a deep breath and she waited. "I'll be honest, Rayna. I don't know how you live like this. All this being on TV and billboards and ads and stuff. That ain't really you. And I know Maddie's feeling distant from you right now and I guess Daphne maybe too. But I know a lotta stuff's changed since we started out and it got you all these awards, which you deserved." He shrugged. "I guess you gotta decide is it all worth it."

His words hurt a little – actually a lot – but it was what she'd always counted on from him, straight up honesty. They'd always had that. She sighed. "My girls are the most important thing to me," she said.

He sat slightly forward. "Then that's what you should think about," he said. He hesitated, seeming like he wanted to say something else.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you _have_ to get married? Again?" he asked. "I think maybe that's what you should ask yourself. You been nothing but married pretty much since you were seventeen years old, Rayna. And this all happened kinda fast. Maybe you need to take a break." He breathed out and then he stood up. "I should go." She stood up too. "Maddie don't know I'm here. And I ain't gonna tell her." He shrugged. "Think about the right thing for her and for Daphne." He turned then and walked through the kitchen. She finally trailed after him, but he had already walked out of the house and closed the door behind him by the time she got there. She stood at the door for a moment, watching him walk out to his truck. Then she locked the door and, turning out the kitchen light, walked upstairs to her bedroom.

 **Deacon**

He had to get out of her house. He thought he probably shouldn't have come over to start with, but she'd sounded so broken over the phone. It had hurt his heart to hear her crying on the other end of the phone, especially on a night when she should be happy. He'd hated how she'd looked on TV. Not her outward appearance, because she was beyond beautiful, but the look in her eyes, the things he could see that no one else could. He hadn't planned to watch, but Maddie and Scarlett had guilted him into it. He'd thought Rayna had a pinched look to her face. No one else would have noticed it, he knew, but her smile wasn't real. He knew that for sure, and it made him wonder why.

He'd been so proud of her, winning all six CMA's she was nominated for. He'd hated that Wheeler had shared one with her and he'd tried to hide the sense of pride he'd felt when 'This Time' had won Song of the Year for her. He'd shooed Maddie off to bed as soon as the show was over, because it was a school night, after all. He doubted she'd get a lot of sleep, but he told her she could not miss school the next day.

When Rayna told him everything – the pre-nup, Wheeler's competitiveness, the other unnamed things, although he could guess – he'd wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her, tell her she didn't have to do all that anymore, if she'd just listen to her heart. He knew, then, that she wasn't happy, that she was rethinking everything. He'd had to remind himself not to push or she'd get skittish. But he was afraid he'd give himself away and so he'd walked out.

Now he was driving the dark, quiet streets of Belle Meade, towards downtown, heading across the river to East Nashville. _She needed_ _me_ _._ _I_ _was the person she reached out to._ He just needed to be careful, be there for her however she needed him, and wait. As always, as he had for the past fifteen years, he would wait.

 **Rayna**

Rayna sat in her bed almost until dawn. She couldn't get Deacon's words out of her brain. _Do you have to get married? Again? I think maybe that's what you should ask yourself._ She'd been struggling with that all night, although, if she were honest with herself, she really had been struggling with it for weeks. She had told Deacon the truth – she _did_ love Luke – but she had found herself doing the same thing she'd done with Teddy. She was going to marry someone who would give her this stable life, without the drama, and she had finally realized that she wasn't being true to herself.

She had married Teddy because she wanted him to shelter her from the craziness of the life she'd had with Deacon. She was pregnant with Deacon's child, but she didn't want the instability of that life for herself or her baby, so she married the opposite of Deacon. And even though their marriage had been a good one for many years, it was like she had boxed up the real Rayna and pushed her deep into her closet, along with Rayna's wardrobe. She was her real self on stage – creative, energized, one with the music – and somebody else entirely when she was off it. She loved being Maddie and Daphne's mama, but the rest of it was as beige as her wardrobe.

At first, she'd seen Luke differently from Teddy. In her eyes, he provided that same stability and normalcy that Teddy had, but he understood her, understood her need and desire to perform, to be on stage, to be more authentically her. He was Deacon, without Deacon's baggage. Except that hadn't turned out to be true either. The more she watched him, the more she understood that he was the glitz and glamour of the country music world. And although he shared many of her values, his competitiveness and his focus on branding himself had left her feeling cold. It wasn't the music that drove him, it was the fame.

The pre-nup had been the straw that broke the camel's back, but it had been so many little things. Filming that Christmas special that she supposed would still air, selling herself for a streaming deal, the billboards, the commercials. None of that felt right to her. It reminded her of when she had sold 'American Beauty' to the cosmetic company, to make money when she and Teddy were in financial difficulty. That had felt uncomfortable and Deacon had rightly pushed back – hard – before finally giving in to her, but making her feel sad about it at the same time. She wasn't so out of touch that she didn't understand that the music business was changing, but it had felt like she was selling her integrity, her authenticity. And, if she was honest, seeing Deacon's disappointment crushed her.

She slid down under the covers and turned on her side, her hands together under her head almost as though she were praying, which she felt a little like she was. _I need clarity. I need to know the right thing to do. I need to stop feeling not like myself._ She closed her eyes and finally drifted off into an unsettled sleep.

* * *

 _Luke looked like he was going to cry. "Is it the pre-nup? 'Cause if that's what it is, we don't have to do it," he pleaded. "I swear, I thought everyone did it. I thought you and Teddy would've had one. It's not that important…."_

 _She shook her head, feeling tears in her own eyes. "No, it isn't just that, Luke," she said. "That was just the tipping point. I had to think about what I was doing, to you, to me." She could see the confusion on his face. "I just can't marry you. I realized that I keep making the same mistakes over and over, in my life, and it's a cycle and I've got to break it."_

" _Don't do this, babe," he said._

 _She shook her head. "I can't do to you what I did to Teddy."_

 _He frowned. "I'm not Teddy." Then it was like realization came over him. "But I'm not Deacon either. Am I?"_

 _She looked away. She had no idea how to explain this to him in a way that wouldn't hurt him. It wasn't that she was running back to Deacon, but she had to find the woman she was then. She'd lost the essence of herself when she'd divorced him and moved on to Teddy. She looked back at him. "It's Deacon, but it's not Deacon," she said. "I need to get back to who I am. I can't be one person on stage and a different person in my regular life."_

 _He looked away from her. "Damn it, Rayna, I love you!" he cried._

 _She swallowed hard. "I love you too, but I…I just can't do this to you. I have to stop doing this to myself, trying to be someone I'm not." He had turned and stormed off then and she had felt the tears well up and spill over onto her cheeks. It would do no good to chase him down and try to explain, so she turned and walked back to her car._

As she drove down the ranch drive, she called Tandy. "Hey, babe," came Tandy's happy voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey," Rayna said, her voice shaking with emotion.

"Rayna, what's wrong?"

"I just broke up with Luke," she said. "Can I come over?"

"Absolutely. I'll have coffee ready." Rayna disconnected and drove back to Nashville, tears clouding her eyes.

* * *

Rayna gave her sister a tiny smile as she took the mug of coffee. She sipped it, closing her eyes for a second. Then she looked back at Tandy, who looked concerned and worried. "Thanks," she said.

Tandy reached across the table and squeezed Rayna's hand. "So, what happened? I saw you on TV last night and you looked so beautiful and it was such a big night."

Rayna put down the mug and shrugged. "I guess it just all came to a head, you know? Before we left the house, I found this pre-nup Luke wanted me to sign…."

Tandy frowned. "A pre-nup? Had you talked about that before?"

Rayna shook her head. "No. And that's just it. We _hadn't_ talked about it. He just _assumed_ we'd sign one."

Tandy looked thoughtful. "Well, I suppose it's not totally out of the realm of possibility. You both have significant assets."

Rayna made a face. "Tandy, I have never taken anything from anyone that wasn't mine. That's just not who I am. You know that."

"True. But it can't have just been that."

Rayna shrugged. "It's a lot of things. It's all this, I don't know, competitiveness. That was certainly evident last night. I mean, I thought Luke was gonna throw a tantrum about my awards, at one point. But it's everything. His thing about branding and all this publicity and putting our private lives out there. You know how much I don't like that." She paused. "And then Deacon said something that really made me stop and think."

Tandy scowled. "Deacon? Why is _he_ in the middle of this?"

Rayna breathed in. "He had texted me after the show. I called him. And he came over."

Tandy breathed out. After a moment, she said quietly, "Is that why you broke up with Luke? Because you're still in love with Deacon?"

Rayna bit her lip and looked down at her coffee mug. Then she looked back up. "I've always loved Deacon, Tandy," she said. Tandy looked resigned somehow. "It was never that I didn't love him. You know, it was all the pain and the heartache, that was what made me keep him at arm's length. And I don't know what will happen now. But I do know that, with him, I'm my true self. I've been pretending for all these years and I just don't want to do that anymore." She smiled sadly. "But I also know I need some time. I'm not ready to jump into anything. With Deacon or anybody." She sighed. "Deacon asked me if I really _needed_ to be married. He was right. I need to take some time." She pushed the mug away and sat back. "So, I need to get home. I'll need to talk to the girls and tell them what's happened. And Bucky. So he can start, I don't know, damage control or something."

When she stood up, Tandy did as well, and she hugged her sister. "Let me know if there's anything I can do," she murmured. Then she looked at Rayna. "I'm behind you no matter what."

Rayna smiled gratefully. "Thanks. That really means a lot."

* * *

After she left Tandy's, she drove over to Deacon's house. What she'd told Luke was correct – it was Deacon, but it wasn't Deacon. She wasn't rushing into Deacon's arms and she hadn't broken up with him for Deacon. But her whole life was tied up in Deacon Claybourne and she needed to figure out exactly what that was going to mean going forward.

She had put him on a shelf for a lot of years. She had her two daughters to consider, and figuring out how Deacon might fit back into her life meant she had to figure that out for them too. It was easier for Maddie, but it was still complicated. She couldn't put them in the middle of something she wasn't absolutely sure about.

She pulled up on the street outside his house and turned off the car. She sat for a moment, just looking up at the quaint little bungalow she'd shared with him at one time. She needed to come clean, and she needed him to be patient. Then she took a deep breath and opened the door.

 **Deacon**

He hadn't been expecting anyone, so when he saw Rayna through the sheers, he was surprised. He frowned when he opened the door. "Maddie ain't home from school yet," he said.

She nodded and that's when he noticed she looked tired and drained. "I know. I wanted to talk to you. Needed to talk to you." She gave him a tiny smile. "Can I come in?"

He stepped back. "Oh. Yeah," he said, with a sheepish smile.

She walked in and then turned to look at him, twisting her hands in front of her. He frowned a little, thinking she looked really nervous for some reason. "So, I wanted to tell you this, before you heard it somewhere else. Before I tell the girls," she said.

"What's going on, Ray?" he asked. He was completely confused, although he somehow sensed at least some of this was because of whatever had happened the night before.

She breathed in. "Well, I really thought a lot about what you said last night and" – she shrugged – "I, uh, I broke up with Luke."

He was totally taken aback. "You what?" he asked, in disbelief.

She spread her hands out. "I broke up with Luke. I mean, I sort of knew that's what I needed to do, but you were right. I need to take some time for me."

He swallowed hard. He hadn't meant to tell her what to do, even though he thought she'd done the right thing. "Uh, Rayna, I…."

She shook her head. " _I_ made the decision, Deacon. It wasn't just what you said. But it made me realize that there were just a lot of things that were making me feel like…not me, you know?" He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I think I was just trying to protect myself, again." She sighed, her eyes focused intently on him. "I have a lot of really complicated feelings, Deacon. For you. And I also know that who I am is really tied up in you, and who we were, and are, together." He could feel his heart beating hard, so hard he almost couldn't hear what she was saying. "I love you, Deacon. I've always loved you. But I don't know, really, what that means right now. What I do know is that I need some time. To do what you said, take a break. Spend time with my girls. Get back to _me_." She smiled a little apologetically. "Can you understand that?"

For a minute he couldn't speak, so he just nodded. Then he said, "Yeah, I do."

She nodded. "I don't know what the future holds and right now I think I'm okay with that." She ran her tongue over her lips and looked down for a second. When she looked back at him, he saw hopefulness in her eyes. "I'm gonna tell the girls and then I think I'd like to take them away for a little bit and just kind of recenter. And then we'll see where we are."

He wanted to take her in his arms so badly, but he held back. "Take all the time you need," he said finally, practically choking on the words.

* * *

Rayna took the girls on a long trip during the month of December and he really missed Maddie. He wanted to talk to Rayna too about what she'd said to him, but he also wanted to give her the time she needed and had asked for. But when he thought back on it later, he realized it had been a good time for them to be gone.

He'd felt a little off for months. During the time he'd been on Luke's tour, he'd mostly felt lousy. He had attributed most of it to having to watch Luke and Rayna together, but he'd been truly sick more times than he'd ever been in his life, and that had left him feeling surprisingly weak and out of sorts. With the tour over, he'd expected to bounce back, but that hadn't happened. Although he didn't feel bad all the time, he would more often find himself feeling lethargic and achy. Scarlett hovered, which annoyed him, feeding him chicken soup and buying him over the counter flu remedies. But he couldn't seem to shake it entirely or for long.

By the time he got a voice mail message from Maddie that they were home, his whole life had been turned upside down.

* * *

A week after Rayna had left with the girls, Scarlett had come home to find him passed out on the floor and unresponsive. That had led to a series of tests that had ultimately led to the diagnosis of liver cancer. His tumor was four and a half centimeters in size, not responsive to traditional medical approaches. His only option was a liver transplant and his time window was not large. The doctor told him his tumor was growing, which meant he had months to live, at best.

Dr. Rand's words were delivered matter-of-factly, harsh almost, in the lack of hope they seemed to imply. Dr. Rand wouldn't talk in terms of life span, but it was easy enough to find out that, at best, he probably had six months. He could wait for a donor or try for some sort of experimental treatment, but he couldn't do both. He decided to wait on the list, hoping it gave him enough time to take care of his affairs.

At first, he just wanted to ignore it. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. Then, as the days wore on, he thought more and more about Rayna and Maddie and he knew he couldn't put them through the uncertainty of what was next. Scarlett wasn't a match to be a donor and, based on her blood type, it meant there was no possibility of Beverly being one either. So then he started preparing himself for the fact that he would probably die.

Sometimes it would overwhelm him, the idea that this was all the time he'd have with his daughter, that he wouldn't be there to see her grow up. His dream of having a life with Rayna again was doomed. He started making lists and he met with a lawyer to update his will. He started thinking about what he would do when his illness became more obvious, wanting to protect Rayna and Maddie from that.

The day he got the voice mail from Maddie, he went to Scarlett and told her, in no uncertain terms, that he did not want anyone to know about his cancer. And then he started to push Maddie away, unable to imagine being with her, not knowing how to deal with it, knowing his time was limited.

 **Scarlett**

She stood in the living room and jumped, closing her eyes tightly, as her uncle slammed his bedroom door. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She felt so helpless and so very alone at that moment. He needed Rayna. He needed Maddie. And they needed to know, so they could help him get through whatever was next, even if he died. But he was being stubborn, as he always was, fighting the idea that they would feel sorry for him.

She knew that wouldn't be the case. She knew they both loved him the way she did and would want to be there, by his side, no matter what came. She hoped he would change his mind. Before it was too late.


	24. 2015

_A/N: I love how, sometimes, something from another show resonates so well with this story. I paraphrased some dialogue from the last season's Grey's Anatomy finale in this chapter._

 **Scarlett**

Caleb Rand was a nice man. Thoughtful, respectful, pleasant to be with. He was super polite and adorably awkward with his social skills. Maybe that was because he was a doctor. But the one thing she appreciated about him was that he didn't stir up drama. Actually there was one other thing – he was the only person she could talk to about Deacon's cancer.

Deacon was being his typically stubborn self. _I don't want anyone to know._ She knew he was scared and she knew he didn't really know exactly how to share the news with people who needed to know. But she needed him to man up and just do it.

Because this was killing her inside to watch him.

 **Deacon**

Deacon wasn't really surprised when the knock came on his door. He could see her through the sheer curtain over the glass when he went to answer it. She looked furious as she stormed into the house as soon as he opened the door. "Come on in," he said, to her back.

She whirled around. "What the hell is going on, Deacon? I don't understand why you are ignoring Maddie. First you tell her you can't see her because you're 'sick'." She used air quotes and made a face. "She's missed you and now you won't answer her calls and you barely respond to her texts. She's very upset about it, thinking it's something she's done. This is _not_ okay and it's _exactly_ the kind of thing I would have expected back in the beginning. Not now."

He frowned and put his hands on his hips. "I got some stuff to work through, Rayna. It ain't about her."

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, but it _is_ about her, Deacon. Because it _affects_ her. I thought you surely understood at least that much. Everything _you_ do, everything _I_ do, it affects her. After everything else that's gone on, with Luke and the wedding being called off, she needs stability. Which she is _not_ getting from you." She walked up to him. "What the hell is going on?"

He hadn't wanted to talk to her about this yet. He'd been hoping something would break before he had to confront this. He'd wanted some good news, some positive news, before he told her and Maddie about his cancer. He should have known better than to think he could put it off, that he could try to distance himself from Maddie without Rayna going on the offensive. Now all he could do was tell her he the truth. He took a deep breath. "I'm sick, Rayna," he said.

She scowled. "Stop it. You can't use that excuse anymore, Deacon. You've been sober all this time…."

"I'm sick, Rayna," he said again, interrupting her. "I got cancer."

She looked like he'd just slapped her. Tears sprang to her eyes and she raised a hand to her face the second the words were out of his mouth. "What?" She sounded confused, like she hadn't really understood what he'd told her, as the color drained from her face.

He looked past her. "I got cirrhosis of the liver and it went undiagnosed and it turned to cancer." He looked back at her then. "Looks like all those times you told me my drinking was gonna kill me, you were right. I got six months on a transplant list and if I don't get…" And then she slapped _him_. Hard.

"Shut up!" she shouted, as she gulped in air. "Shut up!" And then she burst into tears and stepped into his arms and he held her tight as she sobbed.

 **Rayna**

When she finally stopped crying, she pulled back and looked up at him. She had a huge, angry knot in her stomach and he looked so defeated. She still couldn't quite wrap her mind around what he'd just told her. She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek, still red from where she'd slapped him. "I'm sorry I hit you," she said.

He shook his head. "Nah, _I'm_ sorry, baby," he said.

She grabbed his shirt in both hands, feeling desperate. "How long have you known?"

He breathed in. "Since before Christmas." She felt the tears welling up again. He sighed. "I just didn't know how to tell you." He shook his head. "I was hoping I'd have some better news to share. Something positive." He looked up towards the ceiling. "But I don't."

She turned away and wrapped her arms around her waist. She felt like she could be sick, but she breathed in deeply. "What kind of things have you looked into? Treatment-wise?" she asked, still feeling shell-shocked.

"Pretty much everything. I ain't a candidate for chemo or nothing. So Scarlett's got me on every alternative or holistic thing she can find on the internet, but really, all that's left is to…wait on this list."

"Have you looked at experimental treatments? Alternate protocols? I know someone at Vanderbilt…."

"We done all that," he said, stopping her. "Checked into everything."

She turned to face him. "Well, I'll be right there with you. Maddie and me both."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, baby, no."

She frowned. "What do you mean, no?"

He looked away. "Look, you already gone through enough with me. I ain't dragging you through all the hurt and disappointment of this." He breathed in sharply. "I ain't gonna let you take care of me again."

She clenched her jaw. "Well, I'm sorry, but you just don't get to decide that."

He turned away, running his hands over his face, then back to her. "I _do_ get to decide!" he cried out. She raised her eyebrows. "You've made every other decision in our lives together, Rayna, but you don't get to make this one."

She scowled. "What do you even mean by that?"

He breathed in. "You know. The divorce. Marrying Teddy. My involvement in Maddie's life." She looked away. "This is _my_ cancer, Rayna. _My_ sickness. _I_ get to decide." She swallowed. "I don't want Maddie to know."

She looked back at him. "Oh, Deacon, you have to tell her. Even if you won't let me help you, you can't keep this from her!"

He took a step closer. "I don't want her to know," he said, his voice steely. "Not until we know what's gonna happen, for sure."

She gasped. "Deacon, please." She reached for his shirt again. " _Please_ don't do that. She needs to know."

He pulled away from her. "No. And I mean that, Rayna." He breathed in. "Look, I gotta be somewhere, so…."

She stepped back, tears filling up her eyes again. "I'm not walking away, Deacon. Maybe you don't want me to be here right now, but I'm not giving up on you." He turned away and she knew he was shutting her out. She stood looking at him and finally decided he wasn't going to listen to her right then, so maybe she should go. "I'll go," she said quietly. "But only for now." He looked at her and she could see such pain and despair on his face that it nearly drove her to her knees. "I'm here," she whispered. "I'll always be here."

* * *

When she finally left his house, she thought she wouldn't be able to make it to her car. She stood on the porch, just trying to absorb what he'd told her. That he had cancer, that he was waiting on a transplant, a transplant that was the only thing that would keep him alive. She thought that she must be in a dream, that this couldn't possibly be real. _I got cirrhosis of the liver and it went undiagnosed and it turned to cancer._ Those words kept ringing in her ears and she felt sick to her stomach. Finally she found the ability to move her legs and she stumbled down the steps and out to her car.

She started for home, but suddenly she found herself at that overpass in the park, the place where she and Deacon would go sometimes to talk, where there weren't other people around. She made her way gingerly down the hill and then got up on the picnic table. She wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned forward. Then she started rocking back and forth and the sobs that had settled in her stomach when she was still at Deacon's bubbled up and out. She could hear herself, the tears pouring down her cheeks and the loud, heart wrenching sobs wracking her body. She didn't know how long she cried, but finally she stopped, just breathing in and out, trying to calm herself.

 _I got six months on a transplant list._ Six months. That's all he had. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. _It's not enough time._ She felt the panic rise up in her chest. If he didn't get a transplant in six months, then what? What did that mean, exactly? He would die? She tried to wrap her mind around that and she could feel herself start to hyperventilate. She struggled to breathe and felt herself getting lightheaded. Her heart was pounding so hard against her chest, she thought it might explode.

 _Deacon could die._ She still couldn't breathe. She thought back on all the times in their lives together when she worried he would die. That one day he wouldn't come home. That she'd get a call from a hospital or a visit from a policeman, telling her he'd been killed in an accident or that he'd overdosed or that he'd drunk himself to death. She thought about the time he'd had alcohol poisoning. He'd probably been as close to death then as he'd ever been.

 _Deacon could die._ But he'd been sober for more than fifteen years. And she'd stopped really worrying about that. Was grateful for his sobriety and the knowledge that he would be there, for her and for Maddie. She had no idea how this could happen, how it could be this dire this fast. _Undiagnosed cirrhosis of the liver._ How could it have gone undetected? She guessed it didn't matter now. What mattered was that he didn't have much time and she needed to figure out how to help him or she would lose him forever.

 _Deacon could die._ The idea of that made her head hurt. It made her body ache. She started shivering, as though she didn't have a coat on. She closed her eyes tightly and imagined, in her mind, standing at a gravesite, watching a coffin be lowered into the ground. Her chest hurt so badly and she started to cry again. She tried to imagine what life might be like if he weren't in it. Even though they hadn't lived together, as a couple, for as many years as he'd been sober, he'd been such a constant presence in her life. On stage, in her house to pick up or drop off Maddie, at places like this, where they could talk.

 _Deacon could die._ She breathed in deeply. She wouldn't be able to call him. Or listen to him sing and play guitar. She wouldn't see his smile or his frown. She wouldn't hear his voice, sometimes loud, sometimes angry, but other times soft and caring. When she thought about getting out of bed every day and him not being in the world, she thought she might die herself of the heartache. She depended on him. Maddie depended on him.

 _Maddie!_ Her eyes flew open then. He'd said he didn't want to tell her yet, hoping for some kind of good news. But every day he waited, he was robbing her of time with him. And if his time was this finite, there wasn't time to spare. Maddie needed to have whatever future she was going to have with him. He needed it too. She would have to convince him to tell her.

When she thought about him, he was always part of her future. Even if they weren't together, except as parents, he was there. She counted on him. She _needed_ him. _I can't let this happen._

She took a deep breath and felt a sense of calm settle over her. _I've got to figure out how to fix this. I can't let him just curl up and…die._ She took a deep, shuddering breath at that thought. She knew she needed to get home to the girls. She'd figure out how to pull herself together, for them, and then tomorrow she'd go back and she'd convince Deacon he needed to fight.

She felt a little better, knowing she had a plan. She pushed up from the table and headed back up the hill to her car.

 **Deacon**

He heard her as she drove up the gravel drive before he saw her. He shook his head. _That damn Scarlett don't know how to keep her mouth shut._ But then he smiled to himself. It was so like Rayna to come running to the rescue, trying to fix everything. It was what she did. He split the last piece of wood, then picked up a stack to bring into the house. She pulled up beside his truck and jumped out of her car. She walked down the porch, her eyes fixed on him, and met him just as he reached the door. He nodded towards the door. "Go on," he said. She did. She had a look on her face that told him he was going to get a lecture. He laid the wood in the firewood rack and turned to face her, wiping his hands on his jeans.

She frowned. "Why do you _do_ this, Deacon?" she said, and then she actually stomped her foot. "Why do you always choose to step away when things get tough? I've been watching you do it your whole life." Her face changed to an expression of pleading. "Please don't do that now. Please don't give up."

He walked over to the kitchen and got a bottled water out of the fridge. He didn't offer one to her, hoping she wasn't planning to stay long. "Rayna," he said, as he turned around to face her. "It ain't really a matter of giving up. It's accepting reality. I got cancer. If I don't get a transplant, I'm gonna die. It's just that simple."

"You're not gonna die, Deacon!" she cried. "That's so ridiculous." She looked around the room. "What about Beverly? Couldn't she be a match?"

He laughed sarcastically. "I ain't asked her. But it ain't even possible, as it turns out. Not that she'd want to help me out." He shook his head. "I just have to wait."

She put her hands on her hips. "There has to be another way. What if we do, I don't know, sort of like a benefit thing or a call for action, ask the community at large to get tested or…."

He scowled at her. "No!" he shouted. "I ain't gonna be a charity case! I ain't _begging_ people to save my life, Rayna! You, better than anybody, should know I ain't doing that." His heart was pounding. It had been hard enough to tell _her_ , he didn't want to tell the world. Didn't want people feeling sorry for him.

She wiped at the tears on her face. "We _have_ to tell Maddie, Deacon." He started shaking his head. "I know you think you're sparing her pain by not telling her, but you're just not. She's still going to go through the pain, Deacon, whether you tell her now or just before you die." She burst into tears and he resisted the urge to comfort her.

His heart ached, thinking about Maddie, about leaving her. The idea of not being there when she learned to drive or when she went off to college or started a career, not being there to walk her down the aisle when she got married or to see her first born. It tore him apart and he fought his own tears. "I don't want to break her heart, Ray," he said. "I'm just hoping there's some good news before I have to do that."

She walked over to him and took his hands in hers. "We _have_ to tell her, babe. It's breaking _my_ heart right now, knowing this, and not being able to talk to her about it. She needs that time with you. And I _know_ we're gonna get that good news. I _believe_ it, with all my heart, but she needs to be prepared."

He could feel tears in his eyes and he tried to laugh it off, looking away from her. "You just think you can make something happen, if you want it bad enough. You always been like that." He looked back at her tear-stained face and breathed in. "It just don't always work that way, baby. This ain't like winning over a DJ or getting your way with your producer. It ain't something you can fix with the force of your will." He laughed again. "Although if anyone could, it'd be you."

She frowned at him, then let his hands go and put her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. He put his arms around her then, running his hands over her back. He thought to himself that it was a good thing they weren't together, that she was still gun-shy about their history. He didn't want to put her through all this either, although he also knew she'd push her way in somehow. She pulled back and looked up at him. "I asked to be tested," she said.

He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Ah, Ray, you shouldn't…."

"I had to, Deacon. For Maddie's sake." She sighed. "But I'm not a match either." She bit her lip. "Please, Deacon. We have to talk to Maddie. I don't want time to run out. And I want her to know now, in case things get…dire."

He lowered his head. "I don't want her…to be scared, you know? I feel like I gotta protect her."

She put her hands on his chest. "I know you want to. You've always protected her. But you just can't protect her from this." She sighed and he looked back up at her. "And she's strong, babe. Stronger than you realize." She smiled a little. "And she got that from _both_ of us."

Tears filled his eyes. "I don't know if I can do…."

"I'll be there. Right there with you. We'll do it together."

 **Rayna**

Rayna pulled up to the gate and hit the gate opener. As the gate slowly opened, she looked in her rear view mirror at Deacon in his truck behind her. She knew he was anxious, nervous about talking to Maddie about his cancer. She felt a choking sob rise up in her throat, as she again considered the possibility he might die. She breathed in slowly, willing herself not to believe it would come to that. She had to be strong – for him, for their daughter, for herself. When the gate was open, she drove through and watched Deacon follow behind.

She parked under the portico and he pulled up beside her. She got out and waited for him. He looked like he wanted to cry. "It's gonna be okay," she said, forcing a smile on her face.

He looked at her and shook his head. "No, it ain't," he said. He took a deep breath and then breathed out. "No matter what I say, I still got cancer and I still could die."

She swallowed and thought that at least he was saying _could_ , instead of _would_. She took his hand and squeezed it. "Deacon, no matter what happens, you and Maddie need to have this time together. And she needs to be able to deal with it," she said. She smiled encouragingly. "Let's go in."

They walked into the house and she called out. "Anybody home?"

Footsteps came down the back steps and then she saw Maddie. "Hey, Mom," Maddie said, and then she noticed Deacon. "Hey, Dad," she said, with a frown. "What are you doing here?"

"We've got something we need to talk to you about," Rayna said. "Is your sister here?"

Maddie shook her head. "She's at Simone's." She made a face. "Some kind of school project?"

Rayna nodded. "Right. Well, that's fine. I think we really need to talk to you by yourself first."

Maddie looked nervous then. "What's wrong?"

Deacon breathed in. "Let's sit down, okay?" He walked over to her and put his arm around her, leading her into the den. As Rayna followed, she could feel a lump in her throat. Maddie sat on the couch and Deacon sat on the coffee table in front of her. Rayna sat next to Maddie. Deacon leaned forward and took Maddie's hands. When Rayna looked at their daughter, she could see she looked scared. "I got some bad news I need to tell you," Deacon started. Rayna put her hand on Maddie's shoulder. "I found out recently that I got cancer."

"What?" Maddie's eyes flew wide open. "Are you kidding?"

Deacon shook his head sadly. "I wish I was." Maddie tried to pull her hands away, but he held on tight. Rayna rubbed her back, looking on with concern. "I got liver cancer. I found out I had a condition that wasn't never diagnosed and it turned to cancer."

Tears were building in Maddie's eyes. "But you're gonna get well, right?" she cried. "There's treatment, right? Drugs or surgery or something?"

This was what they had talked about, how much information to give her so as not to overwhelm her. He glanced at Rayna, then back at Maddie, and took a deep breath. "I'll need a liver transplant," he said. "I'm on a list for one."

Finally there was a softening of Maddie's face, a hint of hope in her eyes. "So how long does it take before you get one?" she asked.

Deacon looked like he was going to lose it then, so Rayna took over. "We don't know, sweet girl," she said soothingly. "We hope not long, but we just don't know."

Maddie looked back and forth between them, concern again on her face. "Do you mean you might not get one?" Her voice had risen almost to a shriek.

Deacon bit his lip and nodded. "I might not," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. Tears started to roll down his face.

Maddie put her face in her hands and started to cry. Rayna leaned over her, her arm wrapped around her daughter, her own tears rolling down her face. "We're going to pray that doesn't happen," she murmured. "I feel like we'll find one and he'll get the surgery and he'll be fine. You have to believe that too."

After a moment, Maddie turned to look at Rayna. "But what if he doesn't? What if he dies?" She turned to look at Deacon. "You can't die!" she cried. "You just can't!" She suddenly slid forward on the couch and reached for him. He put his arms around her. "What are we supposed to do?" she cried.

Deacon held her and looked over at Rayna, grief all over his face. He kissed Maddie on the top of her head. "We hope and we pray and we make sure we spend time together," he said, his voice catching.

Maddie sat back then. "Please don't die," she said.

Rayna watched the tears stream down his face and she couldn't stop her own. He smiled hopefully. "I'm gonna do everything I can not to, sweet girl," he said. "I promise."

* * *

It was a hard night. He stayed until Daphne got home and they shared the news with her. Rayna was touched to see how Maddie then tried to offer her younger sister comfort. And then he stayed until Maddie finally went to bed, spent from crying, finally seeming to have all her questions answered. As they walked back downstairs, she could see, in his posture, how defeated he felt. She stopped, taking his hand in hers. "We're here for you, babe," she said. "You know that. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we don't lose you."

He smiled sadly. "You know this ain't something you can just will into being," he said. "But I appreciate it."

She felt overwhelmed then by sadness, by the thought that she could lose him forever. She thought of all the times she'd told him his drinking was going to kill him. _Did I ever really think that would happen? Certainly not this way._ But it was no less horrifying, the thought he might not be around. He'd just always been there and she wasn't sure what life looked like without Deacon Claybourne. She looked up at him and then put her hand over her mouth, trying to quell the tears. "I don't know what I'd do without you," she said, her voice shaking. "I don't know what my future looks like without you in it." And then she broke down and he just held her close, until there were no more tears to be shed.

 **Maddie**

Maddie was in her room listening to music. It had been almost three weeks since she'd found out her dad had cancer. And that if a liver match wasn't found soon, he could die. _Would_ die. Thinking about it made her teary again. It felt like that was all she did now, when she was at home and around her parents – cry. It was why she'd started spending time with Colt at Luke's ranch. It was a way to not have to think about all the sadness in her house and in her dad's house. She still couldn't look at him without wondering how much longer he'd be alive.

She'd been so angry at first – not at him, but at the world, for letting something like this happen. For taking her dad away. She'd been so angry she couldn't look at him, be around him, and that had hurt him deeply. But he'd given her some space and they were starting to get back into a rhythm. He wanted desperately to keep things as normal as possible but, for her, things still just weren't normal. Maybe never would be. She prayed every night for a miracle. And she also had thought more about the state of her parents' relationship, in the wake of all this.

A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She looked up and saw her mom standing at the door. She didn't know how long she'd been there, but she looked sad. She looked sad all the time these days. Maddie turned off her music and took the ear buds out. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Rayna said, with a sad smile. She took a couple steps into the room. "Can I sit with you for a few minutes?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah."

Rayna got up on the bed, stretching her legs out, her hands in her lap. She looked at Maddie. "How are you doing?" she asked.

Maddie shrugged. "Okay, I guess." Rayna put her arm around her shoulders and Maddie could feel the tears start to trail down her cheeks.

Rayna leaned her head against Maddie's. "It's okay to cry," she said softly. She stroked Maddie's hair.

Maddie sat back, looking at her mom. "I want to be tested," she said. "I'm his daughter. I bet I'm a match."

"That's sweet of you, but you're too young," Rayna said carefully.

Maddie frowned. "I bet I can. _You_ just don't want me doing it."

Rayna took her hand. "I wish that's all it was. We did ask the question, because we knew you would want to know.

"It's not fair."

Rayna hugged her closer. "None of this is fair," she said sadly.

Maddie looked at her. "Why aren't you with him now? I know you love him. And he loves you. He _needs_ you."

Rayna looked away. "Sweetie, it's complicated."

Maddie frowned. "Are you scared?"

Rayna looked back at her. "Of course I'm scared. It's a scary situation…."

Maddie shook her head. "That's not what I mean. Are you scared to be _with_ him? In case he dies?"

Rayna looked shocked. "No. No, of course not. That has nothing to do with anything."

Maddie felt so sad at that moment, for herself and for both her parents. "But you love him."

Rayna gave her a ghost of a smile. "I'll always love him."

"No, I mean you _love_ him. Like romantic love him. Don't you?"

Rayna sighed. "It's just not that simple, Maddie. I wish it were."

Maddie felt her heart breaking. "Mom, he might die. Do you really want to miss out on your last chance to be with him? Just because it's _complicated_?"

 **Rayna**

As Rayna drove up to the cabin, she thought back through all the twists and turns of her life with Deacon. She thought about their first meeting, at the Bluebird, and how quickly she'd known he was the love of her life. They'd been happy, for the most part, in the beginning, but the stress of Deacon's demons and his drinking began to wear them down. There were still days when she wondered if she should have hung in with him longer, but it was no use having regrets. _We can think back on the woulda, shoulda, coulda, Ray, and it won't change nothing. The good news is that we were always there for each other. We never really threw each other away. We were always connected._

It was true. Even at the lowest point of their lives together, she had loved him. And when she had to make the hardest decision, about Maddie, she _still_ loved him. And now, as the person she was closest to, her best friend, she loved him even more. She regretted sometimes all the years they were apart, the years she spent with Teddy, but that wasn't fair either. If there hadn't been Teddy, she wouldn't have Daphne. And it let her and Deacon figure out how to be there for each other in a way that wasn't physically intimate, yet intimate all the same.

 _You never think you're going to wake up one day and your world will blow up. You just don't think that. But it's happened to me. And now I'm going to face all those fears I had, ready for whatever comes. I just can't wait any longer._

She'd held him at arms' length, all these years. She'd done it for so long that she almost hadn't realized it. She'd done it almost without thinking about it. There had been times when she could have chosen him again. After she and Teddy separated, before she and Luke got together, and again, right after. But she had wanted to protect herself from all the pain she'd gone through when they were together before. Now that she was in danger of losing him for good, she had finally realized she couldn't let those chances go by again. Maddie was right. She couldn't waste whatever time was left being scared. So she was headed to the cabin, to fight for them, to fight for him, to bring him home, even if it was only for him to die.

* * *

"I love you. That's just never not been true." She breathed in as she searched his face. She saw hopefulness in his eyes, but then it was clouded over by sadness. She kept going. "I love you the same way I did back when I was sixteen years old. I've never not loved you, Deacon. I've loved you in the hard times the same as the good. I loved you even when you disappointed me. I loved you the day I signed the divorce papers." Her voice trailed off with her emotions then and she cleared her throat. "I loved you every time you went another day without a drop of alcohol. I loved you every time I watched you with our daughter." She took his hands. "Please fight with me. For us. Please." Maddie had given her the courage to face _her_ fear. Now she wanted him to face his.

He looked at her and, for a moment, she thought he was going to give in, but then he pulled his hands away and looked over her head. He bit his lip and she could see the tears in his eyes. "I love you too, Rayna," he said, his voice choked with emotion. "But I don't know if I can put you through this."

 **Deacon**

"Deacon, please." She was begging him and he had to summon every ounce of strength he had not to give in. He wanted to. God knew he wanted to. All he'd ever wanted in his life was to be with Rayna but he had to be realistic. He couldn't offer her anything. Not anymore. The risk was too great that her heart would be broken for good.

"I'm not doing this, Rayna," he said, with a frown.

She scowled at him. "What do you mean, you're not doing this? Why are you pushing me away? Now?"

He walked away from her. "I'm not talking about this, Rayna," he said.

"Why?" she asked. "Why are you shutting me out?"

He turned around to look at her. "Because I'm going to die…"

"Please don't keep saying that…"

He pointed his hand towards her. "And I don't want you to be around to watch it." He shook his head with frustration. "This is me getting what I deserve."

"That's absurd!" she shouted.

"Don't you see? I don't get any happy ever after, Rayna! This is how this song ends for me!"

"Stop it!" she cried out. "Stop it! How can you just give up like this?"

He could see her tremble with emotion and he felt overwhelmed with his own anger and pain and hurt. He hated hurting her, it tore him apart, but he didn't want to put her through any more pain than he already had in their lives together. "I just gotta be realistic, Rayna," he said, the fight going out of him. "I gotta face facts. I deserve this. For everything I done, I deserve this."

She looked at him. "You've always told me you wanted to be the man I know you are." She shrugged. "And you know what? You've done that. You really have. All these years, that's exactly what you've done. So you don't deserve any of this. Please don't tell yourself you don't deserve this." She breathed in. "And now I want to be here with you, doing this _with_ you, by your side." He saw her lip quiver and he felt a lump in his throat.

"It's not that simple, Ray," he said.

"Of course it is," she replied. He shook his head at her. "What are you so afraid of? Do you not believe in us enough?"

He looked away for a second, not able to look at the heartbreak in her eyes. He found himself getting misty too and he breathed in. "It ain't that," he said softly, closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly. He looked back at her then. "It's not." He breathed in again, rocking back and forth on his feet. Then he shoved his hands in his front pockets. "Rayna, I loved you from the very second I laid eyes on you. You know that. And that ain't never changed. You know that too." He let out a half laugh. "I tried, God knows I tried, not to. But, you know, you were just in my blood. But now? I can't offer you nothing." He wanted to cry, but he wanted to get through this, and so he fought the tears. "I'm almost at the end. Already. And I can't put you through that. For nothing."

She took a step towards him, but he held out a hand and she stopped. "That's not just for you to decide, Deacon," she said quietly. "This is my life too and I've spent way too much of it trying to deny my feelings for you." She wiped at her eyes. "If there's not much time left, then I want to spend every bit of what's left with you. I don't want us to waste one more second of whatever time we have left." She breathed out. "You can't protect us from this, Deacon. And I don't want to be protected. I want to fight right there _with_ you, _for_ you. And for us. Don't you?"

He looked at her and, instead of the woman she was now, he saw the young, fresh-faced sixteen year old she'd been, her blue eyes sparkling, and the prettiest smile he'd ever seen brightening her face. He thought about the day they'd gotten married and promised to always be there for each other. Then things had gotten tough and they hadn't been able to make it last. But she was right, they'd come a long way since then and he'd changed. And the idea of spending whatever time he had left alone suddenly felt empty and hollow and devastating.

He stepped towards her and leaned in, kissing her and threading his fingers in her hair and she put her hands on his face and he heard a little sob in the back of her throat as she hungrily kissed him back.

* * *

He had almost forgotten how soft her skin was, how her touch was alternately gentle and insistent. He had almost forgotten the way she excited him, what she could do to make him sigh and groan and growl with desire. He had almost forgotten how perfectly they fit together, as though they had been created only for each other. He hadn't forgotten how to touch _her_ , though, or where to press his lips, or what to say to her that sent her over the edge, and he did all of those things as they clung to each other on the floor in front of the fireplace.

They had come together quickly the first time, desperate for each other, and then, after they'd had time to catch their breath, they took their time, letting themselves learn each other all over again. He'd missed this. He'd missed _her_. And then, almost before he knew it, they were wrapped up together on the couch in front of the fire, and he finally felt like he was back home again and that maybe, just maybe, he might beat this thing.

 **Rayna**

They had fit back together seamlessly, like a hand in a glove. Her fingers and hands and lips and skin found all the places she'd loved before, and still loved. She had reveled in the sensations and the joy and the release and then she had relaxed into the place she'd known she always belonged.

Maddie was right. She _had_ been scared. It was that same, almost paralyzing fear she'd felt for so many years when she and Deacon were still married. It was the fear that had kept her from giving him her heart back, all the times she could have. It was the fear she'd felt when she drove home that night from the Bluebird, after singing 'No One Will Ever Love You', the night she'd left her heart wide open. But she wasn't afraid of being with him anymore, of rebuilding their lives together.

She thought back to the day he'd told her about the cancer, the day she'd sat and thought about the worst case scenario.

 _That_ was what still scared her. But she had decided that, if Deacon died, she wanted to be there, holding his hand while he left this world. She wanted to be able to kiss him and tell him how she felt about him and how much he'd changed her life. She needed to feel him next to her in bed, even if eventually all they could do was just lay there together. If he left her, and she still prayed fervently every day for a miracle, she didn't want to know that she'd squandered the last precious moments she would ever have with him.

Now she could watch him as he slept. She could make sure he ate right and took all the medications he was supposed to. They could make music together, hopefully not for the last time, but speak to each other in the way they did best.

Most of the time he seemed fine. It was hard to believe that he was sick, that he could die. He spent lots of time with the girls. He and Maddie seemed to grow even closer, now that he was with them all the time. She would watch them and think to herself that, at this gravest of times for them, they were finally the family they'd always hoped they would be.

These days, though, what she needed to do most was give him a reason to hang on. To be positive in the face of the alternative. She would be there to support him and to take care of him, even though she knew he chafed against the latter. _I didn't want you to have to take care of me again, Ray._ But that's what you did for love. She sometimes still felt like she'd given up on him too soon, thrown him away, but now she had a chance to be there during the worst time of his life.

It was hard though. That much hadn't changed. It was different these days than it had been their first go around, but at least this time she felt like they were fighting together. He knew that sometimes she needed a break and he would practically force her out of the house. She'd started sitting in the Episcopalian church, the same church she'd attended when she was a little girl. It was quiet and peaceful and she could be alone with her thoughts and her prayers. And when she went home, she'd felt like she'd been filled up again, ready to be there for her man.

 _I love this man, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I've loved him in good times and bad times. I've loved him when it seemed impossible. I've loved him when I was bound to another. There's something about him that made me never want to give up on him, even during the darkest times. Not completely, anyway. Sometimes I think it was God's way of keeping us connected, when he gave us Maddie. The love was more powerful than anything. And if I only have a short time left with him, I'm going to love him as fully and completely as I know how. I want him to know, if he leaves me, that he made me better, and that he was the joy of my life._

* * *

She knew Maddie was glad her father had moved in with them. Rayna watched her hover over Deacon and she was glad that Deacon let her. But Maddie was feeling the stress too and one afternoon she took her daughter to Percy Warner and they sat on the stone wall together. She looked over at Maddie. "It looked like you could use a little time away," she said quietly.

Maddie looked over at her and nodded. She reached for Rayna's hand and they sat there for a moment before Maddie looked back at her. "Do you think Dad's gonna die? I mean, if he doesn't get a liver. It's been so long already."

Rayna hated the look of despair on her daughter's face, but she understood. She was feeling some of the same. "I don't know," she said, hearing her voice quiver a little.

"I'm just scared."

Rayna nodded. "I am too." Maddie leaned into her then, laying her head on Rayna's shoulder. Rayna squeezed her hand gently, hoping to give her some strength, but she found she needed some for herself. "We can pray," she whispered, feeling the tears roll slowly down her cheeks.

After a few minutes, Maddie sat up. "This is just so unfair," she said. "Why is this happening now? Dad stopped drinking so long ago."

Rayna shook her head. "I don't know, sweetie."

Tears filled Maddie's eyes and started to spill down over her cheeks. "I don't know what I'm gonna do if he dies," she cried. Rayna pulled her into her arms and held her, as she cried herself. She raised her eyes up to the sky, as she rubbed her hand over the back of her sobbing daughter. _Please help me be strong for her. And for him. They both need me and I need to know how to do that._

 **Deacon**

He had some variation of the dream every few days. This time he was laying on his back in a field. The sun was shining on his face as he lay there, his hands behind his head. The sun felt warm on his body, the clouds floated lazily by, and he smiled. But then they turned dark, covering the sun, and the wind picked up. He was surprised by how suddenly everything changed. He found himself in a hole that got deeper and deeper, and then he saw a shovel start to toss dirt on top of him. He fought to get out of it and then he was awake, sitting up in bed, breathing hard.

Rayna raised her head up and put her hand on his face. "You okay?" she asked, sleepily.

He looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

She frowned a little. "You sure?"

He laid back against the pillow. "Yeah, I'm good. Sorry I woke you up." She laid her head back on his shoulder and patted his face. But he wasn't okay. He was afraid. The tumor was still growing and there was still no donor. He was starting to feel weak and tired more often than not. He felt disoriented at times and there had been more than one instance where he had no idea how he'd gotten where he was.

He didn't want to alarm Rayna. Being back with her had been a comfort, had soothed his soul in ways he couldn't even begin to explain to her. When she'd asked him to move in with her and the girls, he'd hesitated at first. He knew she didn't like him to be alone in his house and she worried. Still he had resisted. Until the night she came to his house.

 _He looked up when the door opened. Rayna looked frantic as she ran over to him. "Oh, my God, Deacon, you're okay," she cried, as she sat on the couch and pulled him into her arms._

 _He was confused. "'Course I'm okay, baby," he'd murmured against her hair. "I was just getting ready to call you."_

 _She pulled back and looked at him, terror in her eyes. "How long have you been here?" she asked._

 _He frowned. "Just a few minutes."_

 _She lifted her hand to her mouth and he could see tears in her eyes. "Deacon, you left my house over two hours ago," she whispered._

 _He was shocked. "You sure?"_

 _She nodded. "It's almost two in the morning. Deacon, I've been so scared." He had no idea what had happened, whether he'd passed out or just lost time somehow. He looked at her. "Deacon, please move in with us. I can't do this again."_

 _He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Okay, baby, I will." He didn't want to tell her how scared it made him, thinking he'd lost time like that. He couldn't even remember now how he'd gotten in the house. It felt so much like those long ago days of blackouts. He couldn't subject her to more pain like that._

 _She nestled into his chest. "I'm gonna stay here with you tonight and then we'll go back home tomorrow, okay?" she said._

 _He ran his hand over her back and kissed the top of her head. "Okay," he said softly._

He still worried. It had been over three months since that night and they still seemed no closer to this nightmare being over. He ran his hand over Rayna's back and she murmured softly. He could feel tears in his eyes. He hadn't wanted this for her. Not again. He didn't want it for Maddie or for Daphne. He didn't want to leave them, but he was beginning to wonder more and more each day if he was running out of time.

 **Rayna**

She felt better after she had let herself voice her fears and give into it for a minute. She wasn't sure he did, but it did give him a chance to be the strong one and comfort her, and she thought he did need that. She hadn't done it purposefully but it had seemed to let them both acknowledge what they'd been avoiding talking about. It had felt a little like they were living on borrowed time, as they'd gone past the six months they'd originally believed they had. The tumor growth had slowed some, but it made her anxious. She could only hope the extra time would be rewarded.

* * *

She'd made the mistake of surfing the internet. She'd stayed away up to that point, not letting herself dig more deeply than the information that Dr. Rand gave them about Deacon's condition. The tumor was still growing and they were dangerously close now to the time when a transplant would no longer be an option. Deacon was getting depressed, she could tell, and she knew she was feeding off him. He'd been feeling a little better the past couple weeks and was supposed to do a show at the Bluebird that night, so she'd left the house feeling hopeful.

But then she'd started digging and she didn't like what she was finding. Weight loss, muscle wasting, more of the confusion he'd had, fluid in his abdomen. He could end up in a coma. It would be hard to watch and, for the first time, she wondered if she was strong enough to endure it. She didn't want to see this happen to him. Suddenly she couldn't stay in the office another second and she picked up her purse, keys and phone and stumbled out of her office and out to her car.

* * *

When she drove up to the house, she didn't see Deacon's truck. He'd mentioned that morning that he might drive over to his house and pick up a couple guitars, so she assumed that's where he was. She felt a moment of concern, thinking about all the heartache to come, but she'd watched him show a quiet strength in dealing with it and in making the most of the good moments, so she tried not to worry. She walked upstairs and changed clothes, all the while feeling like she was a little bit in a fog. When she came back down, she paced the den, occasionally looking out the window. She tried sitting down, but she couldn't stay still. She finally got up and walked down to the music room.

That's where Deacon found her, when he got home, sitting on the floor, listening to old albums, remembering the past, tears trailing down her cheeks. And the better times. Before the word 'cancer', before medications and special teas, before bad dreams and feelings of hopelessness. "What's going on?" he asked, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

She turned to look up at him, seeing the sadness on his face. That was the look she saw more and more often these days. There was a sense of resignation there now as well. She pushed herself up off the floor and looked at him, feeling the same sense of despair she knew he was feeling. "I wish you hadn't gotten sick," she said, knowing she sounded pathetic and weak.

He breathed in, then set down the guitar he was holding and walked over to the turntable. He lifted the needle arm to stop the music. He turned back to face her and she walked up to him. She could tell he was trying to look upbeat for her. "Baby, you said yourself, we just gotta stay positive, we gotta live in the moment…."

She shook her head. "I'm trying to stay positive. But I'm failing." She looked up at him, that beautiful face she'd loved more than half her life, feeling like part of her soul was being ripped away from her. She could feel the tears again on her face. "I keep looking for something, you know? I want to fix this, Deacon, so bad. I think about all the years we lost…."

He took her in his arms as she wept against his shoulder. He ran his hand over her head, kissed her hair. She put her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her, as though she could keep him alive just by keeping him near her. "It's okay, baby," he whispered.

She pulled back and looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes too and it broke her heart. "It's not okay, Deacon," she cried. "It's just not." She breathed in. "I just don't know what I'm gonna do without you." And then he broke down in tears too.

* * *

When she came back to the music room, he was sitting on the floor, where she'd been when he'd gotten home. She sat down next to him, tucking herself into his side. He put his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I got so emotional," she said, after a moment.

He kissed her on her temple. "It's okay, baby," he said. "You been holding it all in, trying to hold us all up. You deserve that."

She ran her hand up and down his leg. "I need to just keep reminding myself that you're here." She looked at him. "With me. As long as you're here…."

He sighed. "I feel like I been just waiting for, I don't know, a Hail Mary pass or something. And it just feels like it ain't gonna happen."

She nodded. "I know." She didn't want to feel resigned to any of this, but she knew they all needed to be prepared. Time was fast running out and they needed to make all they could of it while they had that time. She got up then and tugged at his arm. He looked up at her in confusion. "You've got a show tonight," she said, with a smile. "Let's go."

* * *

Doing the show had worn Deacon out, although he'd also been glad they'd done it. When they got home, he'd crawled in bed and fallen asleep almost immediately. Rayna changed into a t-shirt and shorts and slid under the sheets next to him. She propped herself on her elbow and watched him sleep, feeling grateful for the time they'd had together. The last song they'd done was 'Surrender' and it had been the perfect song for how they were feeling that night. _We're all we've been missing / If we could just stop resisting / And give in to what's supposed to be / And I'll surrender to you / If you surrender to me._ She felt a tear track down her cheek. _I waited so long. I lost so much time._ She reached out and very gently ran a finger over his shoulder as she continued to watch him.

She thought that if it had been the last time for them at the Bluebird, it had been magical. She was glad she'd gone on stage with him and, to the delight of the crowd that night, they had performed their songs for two hours, most of which they hadn't performed in public in well over a decade. It had felt freeing and amazing and she was so glad they'd had the opportunity to do that together, hopefully not for the last time.

 **Deacon**

Deacon was reading a magazine in the den, while Rayna cleaned up the kitchen. He'd had a bad day, feeling tired and disoriented, although he'd tried to hide it from her, albeit unsuccessfully. As much as he'd resisted moving in with her, he had to admit it made life easier. She had made the decision to step away from her career temporarily, to be there for him, and though he'd argued with her about that too, he was also grateful. It had also made things easier with respect to spending time with Maddie and he used every bit of strength he had making sure he was present and active in her life. As the days and weeks went by, he found himself losing hope that a donor liver would be found, and he dreaded what was to come.

Rayna came over and sat down next to him and he turned to look at her. "Hey," she said, with a smile. "Feeling any better?"

He shifted so that he was facing towards her. "Yeah, a little." He smiled. "The nap helped. Thanks for letting me sleep."

She reached out and pushed the hair off his forehead. "I want you to keep your strength up," she said. She put her other hand on his leg and rubbed it a little. "I'm glad you decided to move in with us. It makes me feel better."

He breathed in. "I wish things were different."

She shook her head. "Stop. We're together. You're still here." She sighed. "I just wish I hadn't waited so long."

He slid over and put his arm around her, then leaned down to kiss her. "You were right to make the choices you made, Ray. There's no use having regrets." He breathed in. "And you were right that we needed to not waste whatever time we got left." He pulled her closer and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm still here. I ain't sure what's next, but you were right that we need to make the most of that time. However long it is."

She looked up at him and smiled sadly, then rubbed his leg again. "Yep. That's what we're gonna do."

Just then his phone rang and he reached over to pick it up from the coffee table. He looked at her. "It's Dr. Rand," he said. She sat up and watched him. He held the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Deacon, great news. We've got a liver. It's on the way, so I need you to get to the hospital as soon as possible so we can get you prepped for surgery."

He felt an unbelievable sense of relief. "Great. Okay then. We'll be there." He disconnected and looked at Rayna, who was watching him expectantly. He started to smile. "They found a liver," he said and then she burst into tears.

 **Rayna**

Once they got to the hospital, there was a lot of hurry up and wait. Deacon went through a series of tests and he was in a hospital gown, waiting for the donor liver to arrive. Rayna had gotten up on the hospital bed and was snuggled into his side. She could feel his tension and periodically he would sigh deeply. The last few weeks, he'd been so despondent, so sure there would be no liver and he would die. She had tried desperately to keep his spirits up, something Dr. Rand had told her was important, but she knew how easy it was for him to go deep inside and to all those dark places.

He'd been having nightmares, where he was buried alive, where he coded on the operating table, and he'd wake up in a panic, sweat pouring off his body, his heart racing. She would hold him afterwards, talking to him in soothing tones, but he was often inconsolable. As much as he'd tried to be accepting of whatever his fate might be, the reality was that, as things seemed more and more dire, he was struggling. And now it seemed like the euphoria of Dr. Rand's call with the good news was wearing off.

Finally she sat up and looked at him. "What's the matter, babe?" she asked, holding his hands tightly.

He looked at her, panic in his eyes. "Marry me," he whispered. She frowned. "Baby, right here, right now, before I go in, I want you to get married to me."

"What?" she asked, feeling confused. They hadn't talked about it, since they'd been back together. She had concentrated mostly on trying to help him get through all the emotions of his illness and the physical manifestations. Besides, she didn't feel like she had to have that.

"I know we can find a chaplain here somewhere who can marry us…."

She squeezed his hands to stop him from talking. "Stop it, Deacon," she said, trying to will him to calm down. He started to say something, then stopped, breathing in and looking like he was going to cry. "Listen to me. Please." She leaned a little closer. "I know you're thinking that somehow you're not going to pull through this. But you are."

"I've had those dreams," he said, getting louder and more emotional, pulling his hands away from hers. "In the ground, on the table. Anything can happen, Rayna, you know that."

She made a shushing noise and he clenched his jaw. "Deacon, babe, please don't do this. Don't give into this."

"I want you to marry me, Rayna. Right now."

She shook her head and smiled encouragingly at him. "I'm not gonna do that. Not in a cold hospital room." She took his hands again. "Besides, I already feel married to you. I've always felt married to you. But when you're out of the hospital, that's when we'll do that. We'll have a beautiful wedding to celebrate the rest of our lives together and we'll have that family we always wanted. Together." She looked at him.

He breathed in. "I want you to promise me something, then."

"What's that?"

He looked deep into her eyes. "If something happens, I want you to not sit around and wallow in it. No regrets. Please don't just sit and grieve, move on. Promise me."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head with a small laugh. "I'm not promising you that. Because nothing's going to happen. You're going to come out of this and be fine."

Tears filled his eyes. "Promise me, Ray."

She could feel his desperation then and his need for her to reassure him, so she did. "I promise," she said, nodding. "But I need you to do the same." He frowned, looking confused. "We both know we're not promised anything. You said it – anything can happen. So I need to know you would do the same. If something ever happened to me. Will you promise me too?"

He breathed in deeply, then nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I promise."

"Mr. Claybourne, we're ready for you." The orderly was at the door and they turned to look at him.

She turned back and smiled. "I'll be waiting. Scarlett's bringing the girls and we'll all be waiting. You're going to be fine. Remember that."

"I love you, Rayna," he said, his voice filled with emotion, tears in his eyes.

She looked at him and felt the tears in her own eyes. "I love you, Deacon," she whispered and leaned in to kiss him. Then she got off the bed and the orderly came around and unhooked everything. As he started to move the bed, she took Deacon's hand and walked with them all the way to the point where she had to leave him. She bent over and kissed him again and then, as she watched him go down the hall towards the operating room, she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.

 **Deacon**

When he walked into the kitchen, Rayna was the only one there. He frowned. "Where're the girls?" he asked.

She smiled indulgently and then walked over to put her arms around him, kissing him. "They've gone to school, sleepyhead," she said.

He put his arm around her shoulders and shook his head, chuckling a little. "Why didn't you get me up?"

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, babe? You've only been home for, what, three weeks? You need your rest. They understand." She pulled him a little closer, being mindful of his incision and residual pain. "Besides, you had a rough night last night. You were sleeping so well when I got up that I didn't want to wake you."

He kissed her on the forehead. "I hope I didn't keep you awake." He knew he had. Every time he made a noise, she was right there checking on him. Being home was great, but he was tired of not being able to do anything. And he was tired of hurting.

"Why don't you go sit down, babe, and I'll bring you some breakfast," she suggested.

He made a face. "I ain't all that hungry. Maybe just some tea," he said.

She frowned. "You need to keep up your strength," she said. "I'll make you some eggs and toast. How about that?"

He let his fingers tangle up in her hair, pulling her close for a kiss. "Baby, you can make whatever you want," he said, with a grin.

"Great," she said, pointing towards the den. "Go sit and I'll wait on you."

He gingerly made his way to the den and lowered himself carefully onto the couch. He leaned back and closed his eyes as he listened to Rayna making breakfast. He felt better than he had when he left the hospital, but he wasn't back to normal. Rayna took him to his weekly appointments and his rehab sessions and made sure he took all his medications. But he was feeling restless. He'd not done much while he waited for the transplant, but now he needed a reason to get up in the mornings. He'd have to figure that out.

 **Rayna**

 _Deacon bought a bar._ Actually, he bought _into_ a bar, but she still didn't like it. Not even a little bit. It wasn't that she didn't want him to feel productive. She knew he'd felt, for some time, like he was at loose ends. When he started feeling better, after the transplant, he'd gotten restless. His sponsor owned a bar, something Rayna couldn't imagine was a smart idea. Deacon had spent some time there with Frankie, which she also didn't feel good about. But she'd kept it to herself. He was sixteen years sober and she trusted that. She had to.

But then he decided to buy into this bar and turn it into a real showplace for up-and-coming artists. He'd done it without telling her, which pissed her off, but he was so energized by it that she tried to be happy for him anyway. It worried her, though. This was the kind of impulsive stuff he'd done when he was drinking. It reminded her of when he'd bought the cabin, after his first stint in rehab. She felt a cold chill run up her spine.

He was almost six months removed from a liver transplant and now he'd bought a bar.

 _ **Thanks so much to those who are reading this and especially to those who've left a review. I love hearing what you think and I'd love to hear how you feel about Deacon and Rayna finally getting back together!**_


	25. 2016

**Deacon**

He felt energized. He felt like he had a purpose every day. It had been a year and a half since he'd been on a stage. It had been nearly a year since he'd written a lick of music. He felt like he'd gotten a new lease on life with his liver transplant and he was restless. Rayna was busy trying to get things back on track at Highway 65. Since Juliette had left the label, she'd been searching for a major artist to fill the void, and she'd wooed and won Markus Keen, the lead singer for some band he knew the girls really liked. The fact that he wasn't a country artist didn't matter. He was a big name and could bring a massive following with him that would hopefully translate to big money. But it had left him with a need to do… _something_.

He'd been at his sponsor's bar one afternoon. Couldn't understand how a recovering alcoholic could face the temptation every day, yet somehow Frankie Gray was doing it. But the bar itself wasn't doing so hot. He had a great location, but since he was close to the honky tonks, he didn't have enough of a hook to get people to walk in to his place instead. It had been a spur of the moment decision to ask Frankie if he could buy in. He had some ideas he thought would help turn the place around and he'd felt a sense of purpose when Frankie enthusiastically agreed.

Rayna didn't like it, though. She hadn't actually said it out loud, but he could tell she had misgivings. But in his excitement, he'd overlooked it. It wasn't until Frankie asked him why he hadn't talked to her about it before he'd made the decision to buy in that he realized he'd just fallen into old patterns again.

* * *

He'd been spending long days at the bar, expanding the stage, adding new seating, upgrading the bar area. He felt a little like a whirling dervish sometimes and every night, when he went home, he was exhausted. Exhilarated, but still exhausted. He was lying in bed, almost asleep, a magazine across his chest. He felt Rayna get into bed and he opened his eyes, turning to look at her. She was working late nights too, these days, producing Markus's album. "Hey, baby," he said, smiling sleepily at her.

"Hey," she said. She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, but she looked distracted. She settled herself under the covers and then lay there with her hands folded on top of each other.

He rolled onto his side, frowning. "What's up? Trouble with Markus again?"

She shook her head, but didn't say anything at first. Then she turned her head to look at him. "I'm kind of worried about this bar, Deacon," she said.

He reached over and took her hand. "Baby, I know I did it without talking to you and I'm sorry about that," he said. She made a face and he smiled. "I guess I kinda sprung it on you."

She nodded, frowning a little. "Yeah, little bit." She bit her lip. "I know you've been looking for something to do. I know it's been a tough year, with you being sick and then recovering from your surgery and everything, but I just need to know you're okay."

He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I am, baby. Better than I been in a long time. By the time we're done with all the renovation, this place'll be more about music than drinking."

She sighed. "I'm worried you're taking on too much, babe. It hasn't been that long since your surgery, you know."

"I'm _fine_ , Ray. I am. And this is helping. It gives me something to focus on and I feel good about this."

"What about your music?"

"I'll perform on stage. That'll get me back into the swing of things. And, I know this might seem surprising, but I really feel like this is something I'm good at."

She gave him a half-smile. "I'm sure you are." She breathed out. "But it was just sort of…sudden." She looked at him intently. "Reminds me of when you bought the cabin."

He breathed in sharply. "It ain't like that, baby," he said. "It ain't the same at all. You'll see."

She nodded. "Okay." He smiled back at her and leaned in to kiss her, then turned over and turned out the light.

 **Rayna**

She walked in the back door and then over to the island, where she laid her purse. She stood there for a moment and sighed. She looked around, wondering where Deacon was. "Deacon?" she called out. His truck was in the driveway, so she knew he was home, for a change, but he didn't answer. She shrugged out of her jacket and laid it on one of the stools. She walked back towards the music room. When she peered through the glass doors, she saw him sitting on the couch, his back to her, hunched over his guitar with a notebook on the coffee table.

When she opened the door, he put his pencil down and set his guitar aside and turned to look at her. "Hey, baby," he said. She started towards him and he frowned. "What's wrong?"

She had to smile. He was the only person who could see how she was really feeling. She could fool most people with her performance face and smile, but Deacon could always see past that. She sat down next to him and folded her hands on her knees. She felt tired right then. "I've worked so hard to make Highway 65 a success and I just feel like I'm treading water, you know?" she said, feeling the beginning of tears in her eyes.

He turned towards her and took her hands in his. "What's going on, Ray?"

She looked away from him, hoping she wouldn't cry. "Oh, you know. Markus," she said. "I'm worried he's gonna bail. And we're just missing on signing other artists. And with Sadie gone now and I don't have an album…Deacon, I feel like I'm failing at this." She looked back at him. She knew Markus Keen was a sore point for Deacon, so she wasn't surprised to see the scowl on his face. "Bucky says we're in trouble," she whispered.

The scowl turned to concern and he pulled her into his arms. "It's just a bump in the road," he said, rubbing her arm. "I know you and you'll figure something out. You always do."

She looked up at him, smiling gratefully. He'd never stopped being her biggest cheerleader. "I hope you're right," she said, wiping her eyes. "I just, well, you know that I wanted my label to be a place where we could nurture artists and it just feels like it's not working."

He put his hands on her face and leaned in. "It's all gonna work out, baby," he said. "You got Scarlett and Gunnar and Will and you just got Layla, right?" She nodded. "Why don't we try to figure something out for Layla? You know she got good buzz from that download deal so we should take advantage of it, right? Have you come up with a tour for her?"

She made a face. "After Autumn took The Exes, I didn't have another option. I need to think about what to do there."

He took a deep breath. "Why do you think Markus is gonna bail?"

She shrugged. "You know. He's being all squirrelly about everything. I mean, this album thing has been a challenge from the beginning." She rolled her eyes. "And he keeps doubting himself, which worries me. He keeps disappearing on me. Deacon, his record drops in two weeks and we've got media that day plus the show at Public Square. If he walks away…."

He squeezed her hands. "He ain't gonna walk away, Ray," he said. "And even if he does? You got his record, right? You can release the music yourself."

He was right about that, but she really needed Markus to do the publicity. "Yeah, you're right." She smiled at him. "You sure you don't want to sign with Highway 65?"

He grinned. "Already got a job," he said. She smiled back at him, but that particular fact still gnawed at her.

 **Deacon**

"How does Sony even know about her to want to sign her?" he asked. Things were really busy at the bar with all the remodeling going on. Between that and Rayna producing Markus Keen's album, they had really been like ships passing in the night, for weeks. He wasn't even sure he remembered the last time they'd actually slept in bed all night at the same time, much less had more than a five minute conversation. They had talked about Maddie performing with Juliette, without permission, at length. He also knew he and Rayna didn't completely see eye-to-eye on it, so he'd kept a low profile.

"Well, from the video that went out after that deal with Juliette Barnes," Rayna said, sounding exasperated.

He felt a headache coming on, and it wasn't just in his own head. "What do you wanna do?" he asked. He was pretty sure he knew what the answer was.

"I don't really know, babe. She's so defiant right now. She's angry because I told her I wouldn't let her sign. We really need to talk to her."

He could tell she was not only exhausted, but frustrated. Maddie had seemed unusually defiant lately, to use her word, and he wasn't really sure why that was. She was even being mulish with him, which had usually not been the case. He had wondered himself, of late, where his little girl had gone. "Sweetie, whatever you decide, I'm behind you," he said, knowing that, in the end, Rayna would make the decision. That part of their life still irked him sometimes, but he'd learned to just let it go.

"Well, babe, I'd really like for us…."

"Look, baby, we got some deliveries coming in that I gotta handle. I'll see you at home and we can talk about it. Gotta go. Love you."

* * *

When he thought about it later, he knew he'd been abrupt with her, and not helpful. But he also knew they would somehow figure it out. He just hoped they could come up with something that wouldn't discourage Maddie and push her further away from them. He sometimes felt like Rayna was too overprotective, probably a reaction to her own experience, but he worried that she was keeping Maddie in a cocoon, protecting her too much. But he had no idea how to talk to her about it.

 **Rayna**

She was exhausted, from the late nights and, quite frankly, from Markus Keen. She'd had no idea how high maintenance he would be and, except for the fact that she needed the business bump he'd undoubtedly bring, she was almost sorry she'd signed him. She still had that gnawing sense of doom when she thought about Deacon and that bar, although she was committed to supporting him. He was working long hours and that worried her too. He wasn't that far removed from his transplant recovery and she recognized the intensity and blind energy from those dark days before he got sober. It scared her – a lot, when she was honest – because she knew it could lead to overconfidence. She shivered just a little.

Then she considered what was going on with Maddie. This was more than just the usual teenage rebelliousness. She recognized it as being what she'd gone through herself at that age. She had not had record deal offers when she was sixteen and that was what scared her the most about what was happening with her daughter. Maddie had no experience with something like this. The deal Edgehill presented, while being a reaction to her severing her own ties with the label, as well as the Sony deal, didn't give Maddie the creative freedom Rayna knew she would want. And should have. She knew it was a huge ego-booster to Maddie, though, and she wished her daughter hadn't overheard about the Sony offer. It was going to be difficult to manage.

She sighed. This would be tricky and she wasn't sure where Deacon was going to fall on the issue. They weren't completely on the same page with this, she knew. Deacon had been prodding her, for years actually, to take Maddie's talent seriously and have a plan. But she had not wanted to face it, hoping she could give both her daughters the opportunity to have a normal life and experiences. But she should have known Maddie would push.

She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. _Maybe I just need to sign her. Maybe that will settle her down and satisfy her while I figure out the next move. Then I can bring her along slowly._ She thought that was something Deacon would be on board with. They'd had multiple conversations about Maddie's ambition over the years and she knew he was more open to the possibilities. _Ray, she's talented. Way more than both of us were at her age. You heard her songs, the ones she wrote with me and by herself. And she's amazing on the guitar. We ain't gonna be able to hold her back._ She opened her eyes and breathed in. That's exactly what she was afraid of.

She was startled then by the knock on her window and turned to see Markus standing there, grinning, with a cup of coffee. _I do need that coffee._ She forced a smile on her face. "You do like lattes, right?" he asked, when she let the window down.

 **Maddie**

Maddie hated having to ride to school with Daphne and her friend Simone. She felt like everyone at school was watching, when she'd get out of the car. It was why she preferred that Colt pick her up, but he wasn't available for some reason. She supposed she ought to spend some time on getting a driver's license so she didn't have to depend on anyone else. She smiled and said hello to Simone's mom and then put her ear buds in and turned on her music. It was really more like background noise as she stared out the window.

Her dad was taking them to the Markus Keen show that night at the square. She was looking forward to it, but she was also feeling frustrated. She and her mom were still at odds over the thing in Atlanta, when she'd gone on stage with Juliette. She could still hear her, at the end of the argument. _Girl, you still got so much growing up to do and I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna be making the rules._ It made her feel like a child, when she was so _not_ one. She was tired of being held back, especially now that she'd had a taste of what it was like to be on stage, to be in front of all those people. She felt alive, like that was what she was meant to do. All her mom wanted to do was hold her back. Like turning down the Sony deal. _She's such a hypocrite. She was doing the same thing when she was my age. It's not fair that I can't._

She frowned. She had thought about talking to her dad about it, but he'd been so busy with his bar that he was never home. And now that he and her mom were back together, it wasn't like she'd thought it would be. When they were apart, she'd felt like he had understood her and supported her dreams, but now it felt like the two of them had teamed up to deny her what she wanted. She felt like he'd betrayed her and it made her angry.

Even Colt seemed to be against her. She'd tried talking to him about all of it, but he'd been distracted since he'd been back in Nashville. She wondered if it was because they'd had sex. Talia had told her not to be surprised if Colt was no longer interested, now that she'd 'put out'. That made her uncomfortable. It had been the most magical night of her life, finally having sex with her boyfriend and then performing on stage with Juliette Barnes. Nothing about it now seemed so magical. Colt was ignoring her and her mom was trying to control her and her dad was letting it happen. Her mom had decided to sign her to Highway 65, but it was to perform with Daphne, although nothing was happening on that front. At all.

She glanced over at Daphne, who was chattering animatedly with Simone. She narrowed her eyes a little and then turned back to the window. She was so over performing little candy cane songs with Daphne. She wanted to do more grown-up music, like 'Telescope', or one of Juliette's other songs. She was feeling trapped, held back from doing what she loved, what she was born to do. It was her destiny, her legacy.

Her parents were getting in her way of following her dream. She was going to have to figure out some way around them.

 **Deacon**

It was supposed to be a special day. He'd planned it all out. First was breakfast in bed. Then he was going to have flowers sent to her office. Then, that night, during the grand re-opening of the bar, he was going to propose, with the ring he'd bought a month earlier. He'd agonized over what to get and he knew he'd driven the salesperson crazy, going back and forth. But he'd finally found a ring he thought was perfect for her.

He put breakfast on the tray. He opened the fridge and got out the container of berries, pouring some in a bowl. He added a glass of orange juice and then went out to the garden and cut a rose. He brought it back in and laid in on the tray. He scrambled eggs and added toast. Then he poured a mug of coffee. He smiled to himself and then, picking up the tray, he carried it upstairs to the bedroom.

He saw her stir a little when he walked into the room. She'd gotten home very late and he'd let her sleep in past mid-morning. "Time to wake up," he said, with a smile.

She rolled over and then sat up, smiling, her eyes sparkling. "What in the world?" she asked.

He set the tray down. "Somebody has earned a little breakfast in bed today," he said.

She reached up and took his face in her hands and kissed him. "Thank you," she said, with a huge smile. "What's the occasion?"

"Are you kidding me? After last night, you are officially Nashville's hottest label head slash producer slash love of my life." He smiled happily as she put her hands on her face in surprise. "I'm so proud of you, baby," he said, leaning in for another kiss.

"Thank you," she said. She looked at him with a look of joy on her face. "I can hardly believe that really happened. Last night was just such a victory, you know? All that hard work, all those late nights, all those temper tantrums."

He shook his head. "I gotta say, you were right, Markus ain't so bad after all."

She made a face. "Well, I don't know if I'd go _that_ far."

Five minutes later, they were fighting. Markus had actually _kissed_ her. And then was trying to _bail_ on her. And she was running after Markus, all while they were fighting about him. He followed her into her closet and argued with her the whole time she was getting dressed. He followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen. She finally whirled around on him, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Damn it, Deacon, I can't believe you're doing this right now! You _know_ how much this meant for my label and I can't let it go down the drain like this!" she shouted.

"But he made a pass at you, Rayna!" he shouted back. "I was right about that guy all along. He just wants to hook up with you."

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" she hissed, stomping her foot. "I can't believe how ridiculous you're being. I thought you'd gotten past this kind of childish behavior a long time ago, Deacon, but clearly I was wrong. Nothing has changed. You act like you own me! And you don't! But unfortunately, I still need him on my label, so I gotta figure out a way to fix this!" She grabbed her purse and started for the door.

He followed and grabbed her arm. "Don't do this, Rayna," he said, scowling at her.

She pulled away. "Don't tell me what to do, Deacon," she said, her voice low and firm. "This isn't twenty years ago." Then she turned and walked out the door.

He slammed his hand down on the counter. The whole day had just been ruined.

 **Rayna**

She fought back tears as she drove away from Markus's hotel. She had begged and pleaded with him, thought for a minute she'd changed his mind, in the end to lose him after all. He swore it was just that his old band got back together, but she was sure it was that she had firmly rebuffed him after that kiss. Not that she would change anything about that, but he wouldn't even acknowledge it. He just walked away and now she felt like her whole world had imploded. She had no idea what she would do next. Her label had been hanging by a thread and now everything she'd hung her hat on had just walked out the door, seemingly without a concern that he was bailing on her.

She had a hard time catching her breath. She had finally walked down the hall to the elevator and then out to the lobby, in a daze. She called Bucky with the bad news and now was on her way to the office so they could try to figure out a way to salvage the disaster Markus Keen had left them with.

The quarter million downloads from the night before had only continued to grow exponentially. There was no guarantee what would happen when word got out that Markus had bailed on the label, and his album, to go back to his old band. She and Bucky huddled over the promotion schedule and the single release schedule and ultimately decided to go with what they had. She would handle the promotional tour and they would release the singles as planned. Bucky walked her through the radio schedule, with the crossover plan.

By the time they were done, she was exhausted and had a headache. And then she remembered Deacon's grand re-opening. She looked at the clock. "Damn, Bucky, I'm late," she said. "I was supposed to be at Deacon's bar an hour ago."

He looked as tired as she felt. He smiled compassionately. "Look, we've done all we can do. We've reworked everything." He shook his head. "You're gonna be pretty busy for the next few weeks, but you're the best I know at doing publicity. If anyone can save this for us, it's you. Go celebrate with Deacon."

She smiled appreciatively and got up from her desk, shrugging on her jacket and wrapping her scarf around her neck. She slipped her phone into her purse and slid it on her shoulder. "Thanks, Buck," she said. "You're right. We'll take care of it."

She walked around the desk and Bucky embraced her. "Have a good night, Rayna," he said. She made a face. "Try to anyway."

She lifted her hand in a wave and walked out the door.

* * *

It felt like she was twenty-five again. After all the years since then and everything she thought they'd learned about each other, she felt like she'd gone back in time. Deacon's petulance and jealousy had knocked her back. Now she stood on the bridge, with tears in her eyes, wondering what had happened to undo all those years. She hadn't expected to find him still so pissed off that he didn't care that her label might not survive this. She couldn't believe that, after all the years he'd supported her dreams, this was the time he'd decided to stop. She was too hurt to look at him and so she'd walked away.

She wiped the tears away and breathed in deeply. They'd get past it, she knew that. They'd had worse fights than this, over bigger issues, and they'd survived a divorce that should have broken them completely. But she needed him to think about what he was doing and how dangerously close he was treading to his old behavior. She didn't want to consider that he wouldn't realize what he'd done, it might just take him a minute or two to do that.

She thought about the fact that, over the years, they'd learned that a fight didn't mean the end of them. Even one of them walking away from the other didn't mean the end of them. She wasn't really sure, anymore, that there was anything that would really mean the end of them. She didn't really want to test the waters to see how close they could get, though, and this felt a little closer than she would have liked. She was pretty sure this wasn't so much about Markus, she just didn't know how long it would take for him to figure out what it really was.

"Hey." She turned at the sound of his voice to see him walking towards her.

"Hey." She held her breath, wondering if he'd figured things out.

He took a place next to her, as they leaned on the bridge rail together and looked out over the river. "I guess some things don't change," he said. She turned to face him. He looked at her earnestly. "I _do_ support you, Ray. I support your career, I support Highway 65. It means everything to me because I know what it means to you." He breathed out. "I got jealous. Not because of nothing you did or Markus." He shook his head. "I know Markus wasn't gonna take you away from me. But, you know, all that time you were in the studio with him. I mean, that was _us_ , Ray. That was _me_. And you know how…intimate that is."

She nodded. "I do. And I miss doing that with you. I miss all of that. I miss _you_." She leaned towards him and he kissed her.

He smiled at her, a little crookedly. "You know, we been through so much together. Sometimes I wish I could change all of it, go back and do it different. But then I think we just needed to go through all of it, so I guess I wouldn't change nothing." He breathed out. "Except doing this different." He surprised her then by getting down on one knee. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box, opening it up for her to see. She felt the tears in her eyes as she looked down at the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen. "Baby, I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

She smiled through her tears and nodded. "Yes," she said. She leaned down to kiss him and then she could see the tears in his eyes as he stood back up and, taking the ring out of the box, slid it on her finger. Then he took her in his arms and kissed her again.

 **Deacon**

He put his arm around her shoulders and she put hers around his waist, as they walked back down the bridge. Neither one said anything until they got to the end. Then Rayna stopped and turned to face him. He looked at her questioningly, putting his hands on her arms. She breathed in and then out. "Sometimes" – she took another breath – "sometimes _I_ wish I could do everything over." He could see tears in her eyes.

He raised his eyebrows. They'd had this conversation before. "What would you change?"

She bit her lip. "Everything." He raised his eyebrows and then she shook her head. "Nothing, really." He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. She looked at him again, with sadness in her eyes. "Don't you wish, sometimes though, we'd been able to figure all this out a long time ago? That we _didn't_ go through all the craziness we went through all those years?"

He shrugged. "Well, sure, sometimes I wish that," he said. "But life was tough back then. You know that. We talked about that. Maybe, I don't know, maybe we needed that time apart."

She raised her shoulders slightly. "But we lost so much time together." She smiled a little. "I mean, we still loved each other anyway."

He put his hands in his pockets and looked past her. "I don't know, Rayna. I always thought that we shoulda been able to figure it out, but I don't know if anything woulda been different, you know?" He looked back at her. "Maybe I'd never been able to figure out getting sober. Maybe we wouldn't have learned how to be friends." He shrugged again and smiled. "You wouldn't have Daphne."

She smiled back at him. "Well, that last part is definitely true. And that would have been a real loss." She sighed. "I guess you're right. But, do we have it figured out now? Really? Are we crazy to think it's gonna work better the second time around? I mean, I don't want us to fall back into old patterns."

He breathed in. "We're a long way from who we were the first time we got married. A lot is different. And yeah, I do think it's gonna work better. And I think we'll still do some of the same things. We always have." He grinned. "It's kinda who we are, Rayna. We fight, we love, we slam doors, we still want each other. And it don't matter, in the end, who was right." He pulled her into his arms. "It's all good. We'll just know more this time around."

She smiled up at him and he leaned down to kiss her. Then she held up her hand and let the diamond ring reflect the moonlight. "At least we did this in the right order this time," she said, with a laugh.

He chuckled. "Well, the first time, I gotta admit, I was just so overwhelmed by you I couldn't help but ask you. You were sitting there, pretty and sweet, like a real angel, and I just couldn't think about my life without you. This time, at least I'm old enough to plan better." He winked. "Oh, and I knew _you_ better too."

She pretended to be shocked. "What? You thought I'd _expect_ a diamond ring?" she asked.

He made a face. "Well, you did have that monstrosity Luke gave you," he said.

She smacked him on the arm. "You know this one means way more to me than that one ever could have."

He smiled and kissed her. "I do know that." He breathed in. "I always knew, somehow, some way, we'd get back to this."

She nodded. "You're right. It was always there, even if it was under the surface." She breathed out. "Maybe we should go back and tell the girls."

 **Cash**

When she first met Maddie, Cash thought she was just a precocious teenager. She was one of those who liked to think she was grown up, but was actually star struck and immature. Since their fathers were business partners, their paths crossed often. But as she spent more time around Maddie, she saw a girl who reminded her a lot of herself. Maddie's parents, especially her mother, held her back, kept her from doing what she loved, except in very controlled environments. Cash saw potential in Maddie, even in the more childish style in which she wrote and performed. At first, she just wanted to encourage her, but, as she got to know Maddie, and as she watched her father feeling pushed out of his own business by Maddie's father, she hatched a plan.

Maddie was easily led and malleable. It was easy to win her over the few times she half-heartedly pushed back. It was easy to build her up to believe she was capable of so much more than her mother would allow. And, of course, Maddie's situation reminded her so much of her own. A mother who wanted to control her and a father who had not always been present and, truth be told, was a bit of a wild card. Maddie was testing her boundaries and she was headstrong, which worked to Cash's advantage.

She wanted more and Cash decided she was going to make sure her protégée got more.

 **Daphne**

Maddie thought _her_ life was complicated. She didn't know the half of it. Sure, Maddie was Deacon's daughter. And their mom had been married to someone else when Maddie was born. _Her_ dad. But now her mom and dad were divorced. Her dad had married Peggy and they had a baby. And now her mom was marrying Deacon. How convoluted was _that_?

Her mom had been so busy, with work and planning the wedding. But she'd taken today as a girls' day, so they could go to the mall and pick out dresses. She had taken them to the store to show them her wedding dress and, Daphne had to admit, it was beautiful. It made her mom look like a princess. She'd picked out her own dress – not one she was especially excited about, but it was fine – and now she was bored.

She liked Deacon. Loved him, really. He had literally been there her entire life. But it was confusing. She didn't know how she fit in these days. She wandered out of the store and sat on one of the benches in the mall. Maddie was more excited about the wedding, naturally, and Daphne had stood and watched as her sister and her mom oohed and ahhed over dresses.

Her dad and Peggy and her toddler half-brother were going to the beach over the wedding weekend. She had thought about asking if she could go too. But she didn't want to disappoint her mom. And she wasn't even sure her dad and Peggy wanted her to come. She sighed. She felt so out of place.

"Daphne!" She looked up when she heard her mom's voice. "What are you doing out here, sweetheart?" She came over and sat down next to Daphne, looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

Daphne shrugged. "I guess."

"Well, Maddie finally found a dress, so we can all go get some lunch."

Daphne looked at her mom. She looked happier than she had in a long time and Daphne hated to disappoint her. She forced a smile on her face. "Great. I'm hungry."

 **Rayna**

Rayna was pretty sure she'd lost her mind when she and Deacon had decided to get married in a month. After Markus left, she'd had to cover all the publicity. The upside for her was that the album was number one on the iTunes all-genre charts and there were already three singles in the top one fifty downloads, two of them going platinum. Album sales were brisk and they had their first single on the radio. She was breathing a little easier on that front. It had meant she'd gotten the boost she needed for the label, at least for now, so she could focus on her wedding.

But Daphne worried her. Her younger daughter seemed distant, not herself at all. Rayna sat back in her chair and thought about how unenthusiastic Daphne was, about everything. She felt like she'd practically forced her daughter to pick a dress for the wedding and, although she knew Maddie and Daphne were working together on a song they'd perform at the rehearsal dinner, Maddie had been complaining that Daphne wasn't into it. She sighed as she contemplated all that.

Suddenly she got up from her desk and picked up her purse. She slid her phone into it and grabbed her keys. She walked out of her office and stopped at the reception desk. "I'm leaving for the day, but if anyone needs me, they can call," she said. Then she hurried out the door.

* * *

When she saw Daphne come out of the school with a couple of her friends, she got out of the car and waved. "Daphne!" she called out. She watched as Daphne stopped and just looked at her. She smiled at her daughter and then she saw Daphne say something to her friends. The other girls walked off in a different direction and Daphne headed down the steps towards her.

"What are you doing here?" Daphne asked, looking both puzzled and a little embarrassed.

Rayna smiled. "I thought I'd pick you up and we could go get pedicures or something," she said.

Daphne frowned. "Why?"

Rayna shrugged. "I wanted some girl time with my girl," she said. "Is that okay?"

"I guess." Daphne looked unenthusiastic.

"Well, come on. Get in the car." She watched as Daphne walked to the car and opened the front door. Then she got in as well and looked over at her daughter. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. Is that okay?"

Daphne looked down at her lap. "Sure." Then she looked up at Rayna. "But we don't have to go get a pedicure."

Rayna wrinkled her brow. "You sure?"

Daphne nodded. "I'm sure."

Rayna smiled. "Well, I've got an idea."

* * *

Rayna walked into the music room with two mugs of hot chocolate. She handed one to Daphne, then walked around to sit down on the couch next to her. They both took a sip and then Rayna put hers down on the table. She turned slightly towards Daphne. "Sweetie, I know you've been feeling a little left out," she said. "I don't want you to feel that way."

Daphne didn't say anything at first, but then she sighed. "You're with _them_ now."

Rayna frowned. "What do you mean?"

" _You're_ the family. You and Maddie and Deacon."

Rayna felt her heart break. "Oh, sweetheart, that is so not true." She slid over and put her arm around Daphne. "That's not true at all." She looked down at her daughter. " _We're_ the family. You, me, and your sister. And Deacon's joining _us_." She ran her hand over Daphne's hair. "You know he loves you. And I want you to know you can always rely on him, to be there for you when you need him."

Daphne looked down. "I guess."

Rayna put her finger under Daphne's chin and raised her head up so she could look her in the eyes. "He loves you the way your father loves Maddie," she said. "Your father loves your sister like she was his own and Deacon loves you the same way."

Daphne looked surprised. "He does?"

Rayna smiled. "Of course he does. Don't ever doubt that." She sat back then and Daphne tucked into her side. "He's really looking forward to being part of our family." She breathed in. "I know you know Deacon and I were married before, a long time ago, but this was what he and I always talked about, having this family together. And now we will." She ran her hand over Daphne's arm. "I hope you won't ever feel like you're not part of this family."

"I won't," Daphne said softly. Then she bit her lip. "Do you think Dad's forgotten about me?"

Rayna's heart hurt when Daphne said that and she hugged her close. "Oh honey, no, of course not. But a little one always takes up a lot of time." She looked down and smiled at her daughter. " _You_ certainly did. But I will talk to him about maybe letting you come spend some extra time with him."

Daphne smiled back. "Thanks, Mom."

* * *

When she woke up the morning of her wedding, Rayna rubbed her face lightly against Deacon's chest. She smiled as he rolled towards her, letting his hand drift over her cheek. He leaned in to kiss her gently, his lips just brushing against hers. Then she felt his hand slide down over her shoulder, down her back and then rest on her bottom. He moved his head slightly and kissed her on the forehead and she slid her arm under his and around his waist. He pressed her closer to him and she caught her breath.

She laughed softly against his chest. "Wedding morning sex," she purred. "Best. Kind. Ever." He just chuckled and rolled her over on her back.

 **Deacon**

He couldn't help but think back to the first time they got married. Rayna had been pretty as a picture that day. She'd worn that pretty white dress that fell just below her knees. She had flowers in her hair and tears in her eyes. She hadn't been able to stop smiling and neither had he. Everything would be different this time. Except for the love. That had never changed, not in all the years they were married or in all the years since they weren't.

He knew, when he looked in the mirror, that they were both older, with a few wrinkles here and there and a whole lot more experience than they'd had back then, but when he looked at her, he still felt nineteen. She was still that fresh-faced sixteen year old he'd seen onstage at the Bluebird. They'd gone through so much, together and apart, and yet here they still were, as connected as ever. Despite five trips to rehab, a divorce, a baby born while she was married to another, one spouse and one almost-spouse, countless women to help ease the pain of living without her, and they were back where they started.

There was a knock on the door and, when he turned, Scarlett popped her head in. He smiled. "Hey there, girl," he said.

She scampered over and gave him a hug, then reached up to straighten his tie. "You look very handsome," she said, with a big smile.

He chuckled. "Well, ain't nobody gonna be looking at me," he said. "All eyes are gonna be on Rayna."

She raised her eyebrows. "Have you seen her?"

He shook his head. "Not since she left this morning. She came over early, with the girls and Tandy."

"So how does it feel?"

He breathed in. "I never thought we'd do this again. But we are. And it feels good. Feels right."

She smiled. "I'm so happy, for both of you. For all of you, really. The girls too. So, I gotta go. To sing. I'll see you out there." She reached out and rubbed his arm.

He smiled at her. "See you there."

* * *

As he watched Rayna walk down the aisle, it felt like everything around her just faded away. He couldn't see anyone else, couldn't hear the music. All he could do was focus on her. She looked so beautiful, even more than she had the first time they'd done this. The emotions welled up inside him as he watched her glide closer. Finally she was standing right there, next to him, and he leaned in to kiss her, just as he had that first time. She reached up and touched his cheek and then took his hand, as they turned to face the minister.

They exchanged rings, talking to each other about being meant for each other, about the music and the friendship, about being best friends, about getting through everything because they were stronger and wiser, and promised – again – that it was forever and for always. Only this time he knew it truly was. They'd finally found their way back to each other and it would be for good this time.

When the ceremony was over, they walked back to the room where Rayna had gotten dressed. She told everyone it was so that she could freshen up, but what they really wanted was just a few minutes by themselves before the party afterwards. He pulled her into the room and she scurried after him, laughing. He shut the door and locked it and she gave him a teasing smile.

"What do you have up your sleeve?" she asked, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "Just wanna kiss my beautiful wife," he said, and he did just that. Then he looked down at her and grinned. "I know better than to mess up your pretty dress."

She laughed again, that throaty, sexy laugh of hers. "You know, I'd consider letting you take advantage of me, but this dress is really not…cooperative in that way."

He winked. "Not like the dress you wore the first time," he said. He smiled to himself as he remembered how they'd locked themselves in one of Watty's bathrooms midway through the reception. He supposed this is where some of the 'older and wiser' part came in. He leaned down and kissed her on her neck, just below her ear. "You look just as gorgeous as you did then," he whispered.

She breathed in and laughed deep in her throat. "And you're just as handsome," she purred. She looked up at him through her eyelashes. "Have I told you before just how unbelievably sexy you look in a nice dress suit?"

He kissed her again. "Don't get no ideas now," he said, his eyes twinkling happily, and then his lips found hers yet again. Sometimes he felt like he was making up for all the years she wasn't his.

When she finally pulled back, breathless, she looked up at him, a serious look on her face. He frowned slightly. She reached up and put her hand against his cheek. "You never gave up on me," she said, her voice soft. "Sometimes I thought you'd get tired of waiting, that you'd let go."

He breathed in slowly. "I couldn't," he said finally. "I just never could and I had to ask myself why I couldn't."

"Why couldn't you?"

He let a smile play over his face. "Because I love you. That's it. It's easy. I just decided I would wait." He swallowed. "Wait and hope one day…."

She smiled then. "Hope one day I'd figure out I still loved you too?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess that's it."

She rubbed her thumb over his cheek and made a face. "I guess we need to go back out there," she said. "Or they're gonna think we, you know."

He gave her one last quick kiss. "You're probably right," he said, then let her go. She hurried over to the mirror and smoothed back her hair as he watched, then turned and grabbed his hand.

"I need to show off my handsome husband," she said, with a laugh, pulling him towards the door.

When they got to the door, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her back. She'd pinned up her hair on one side, so that it all fell over her other shoulder. He pressed his lips against the bare skin of her neck and breathed in. "I never stopped loving you, baby," he whispered.

She rested her hand on the hand he'd laid against her waist. "I know," she whispered back. "You've always been in my heart, you know that."

"I do." He kissed her neck again. "Now, I guess we need to get on with it."

With a joyous laugh, she reached for the door.

 **Rayna**

 _Are we crazy? Doing this again? What if we end up disappointing each other again? I still remember what it was like, all those years ago, when we did this the first time. And look how that ended up. I mean, we can say it was because we were too young. I know Deacon's drinking made a difference. That destroyed us back then. But that's not between us now. He's been sober more than sixteen years. We've raised up a daughter together. We've done everything except make that commitment to each other again._

 _I wonder sometimes why I waited so long. Why I let my fear get in the way. When I think of all the time we lost, I feel such enormous sadness. But maybe we needed everything we went through. Maybe we needed other people and other experiences and maybe we needed to just be friends. I tell myself it all happened the way it needed to for us, that we really might have thrown each other away if we'd tried again sooner. All I know is that it feels so much sweeter now, like we both appreciate it, and each other, so much more now, because of everything we went through._

 _I know I couldn't quite ever let him go. And thank God he couldn't either. I'm so very grateful he waited for me. He's the love of my life, always has been. And yeah, I'm scared. I've been scared for so many years, but I know now I've just gotta jump back into that, take it on. There sure won't be any joy in my life unless I do. I swear, though, after all these years, I've gotta say I feel like I'm sixteen again._

 _I can't wait to be truly his again, just like he'll be truly mine. We'll have that life we said we wanted, all those years ago. Finally, with each other._

* * *

He'd called her 'Mrs. Claybourne', as they had danced their first dance. She had laughed and reminded him she wasn't changing her name, but she knew, from here on out, that in their private moments, he'd call her Mrs. Claybourne again, just like he'd done all those years ago, and it would make her tingle with anticipation, just like it had back then. Behind closed doors, she was totally and completely his and she would revel in being Mrs. Claybourne, if only just between them.

She couldn't take her eyes off him, from the moment she saw him standing next to the minister, waiting for her. Even now, as she chatted up guests and made her rounds, she kept looking for him, keeping him in sight. He would sense her eyes on him and he'd look her way and smile, that smile that was just for her, that told her just how very much he loved her and how much he couldn't wait to spend the rest of their lives together. Finally, the way it was always meant to be.

She couldn't wait to start their life together again. It would be everything they had both dreamed of.

 **Tandy**

Tandy thought back to Rayna and Deacon's first wedding. She'd felt apprehensive about it, but mainly because her sister was so young. Deacon was certainly a good-looking man, but they were young and barely making ends meet. Rayna told her they were living on love and Tandy figured it couldn't have been much more than that. Her anxiety for her sister grew over time, though, and not because of age or income. As Deacon's drinking got out of control, she had worried about Rayna's ability to cope and handle it. With each failed attempt at rehab, she had worried that her sister was trapped in a swirling dark hole of pain and disappointment, something that would drag her down with him.

Those were the years when her mostly benevolent feelings about Deacon vanished. She'd been grateful and relieved when Rayna had left him, finally, and then divorced him. She'd held her breath after Rayna had come to her in tears, when she'd discovered she was pregnant. And then she'd seen it as her mission to get Rayna married to Teddy and keep her that way.

But the marriage to Teddy was over and, after finding out Deacon had cancer, Rayna had reconciled with him. Tandy, when she really got introspective about it, figured it was probably inevitable. That her sister had never stopped loving Deacon was something she'd long suspected. So it hadn't surprised her, in the end, when Rayna figured out how to get past all her concerns and let him back into her life. Tandy had to admit Rayna seemed happy. Happier than she thought she'd seen her in years.

The girls, however, were a different story. She thought she understood about Daphne. Poor thing had grown up with a happy, uncomplicated life and then everything changed. _Damn that Teddy Conrad for disappointing that girl._ Cheating on Rayna was bad enough, but now that he had his own new little family, Daphne was feeling left out. And she still had some lingering feelings of being on the outside, with Rayna remarrying Deacon. She'd stayed up late with Daphne the night of the wedding and just listened as her younger niece talked about her worries.

 _Daphne looked down at her hands. "I know Mom says Deacon's coming into our family, but she was a family with him first, even before Maddie. And Maddie will come first with them."_

 _Tandy put her arm around her niece. "I don't think that's true, sweetheart," she said. "You and your sister are the two people your mom loves most and she would never put you second. You're just as important to her as Maddie."_

" _But Deacon's who she's been in love with all this time," Daphne said softly._

 _Tandy frowned. "Who told you that?"_

 _Daphne looked up at her. "I read things. All the stories say they've always loved each other, that Mom never really stopped loving him, because she kept him in her band and he was always there." She sighed. "Do you think she ever loved my dad?"_

 _Tandy felt heartbroken for Daphne. She hugged her close. "Of course she did, sweetie. She really did love him." She smiled down at her. "That's why there's you."_

 _Daphne smiled a little. "It's just hard, you know? All these changes."_

 _Tandy leaned back against the headboard. "Sweetheart, I know a lot has changed. But change is good. It's always good. And I do know that Deacon loves you too. I think he's wanted this family with your mom for a long time and he includes you in that." She'd never, of course, talked to Deacon about that, but she'd seen him with both girls and knew that was true. She took Daphne's hand and squeezed it gently. "Your mom would never let you be on the outside, so don't you worry about that, okay?"_

 _Daphne looked up at her and nodded. Tandy made a mental note to be sure to remind Rayna to pay extra attention to Daphne, at least for a while._

It was Maddie who surprised her. She knew that, ever since Rayna and Teddy had divorced, that Maddie had prodded both Rayna and Deacon about reuniting. It had seemed like it was all she'd ever wanted and, in the beginning, she'd seemed overjoyed. But these days Tandy was sensing an unease about her older niece. She wasn't at all sure it was totally about her parents, but she had seemed oddly less enthusiastic, at least since Tandy had been in town.

She had tried talking to Maddie about it, but Maddie had brushed her off, saying everything was fine. Rayna had chalked it up to teenage hormones. _She's like Deacon, Tandy. She gets introspective and she pulls inside herself, kind of like he does. But she's been working with this young woman named Cash on her music and that seems to be where her focus is these days._ Tandy still worried a little. She wasn't sure everything was as fine as Rayna thought it was.

The jury was still out for her on Deacon. Yes, he'd done a good job of being a parent. He'd stepped up and done everything Rayna had asked, with respect to Maddie. And she would have been blind not to see that he made her sister happy. Rayna was as clearly in love with Deacon as he was with her. But Tandy couldn't forget all the pain he'd caused her and all the hell he'd put her through. She'd made her peace with it, but she would still keep her eye on Deacon Claybourne.

 **Deacon**

He couldn't believe where he found her. Standing on that stage at Skulls with that short dress on, singing about being some kind of wild card or something. But when that guy started pawing her, he lost control, storming the stage and pushing the guy away. When he got her in his truck, he was shaking, with anger, with fear. _What was my little girl doing in that place?_

He couldn't believe Cash would bring Maddie to a place like this. He'd thought she was a good mentor for Maddie, not someone who would lead her astray, bringing her to a bar like this one. After he had it out with Cash, he got into the truck, where Maddie was pressed up against the side, shaking and crying. He slammed the door shut and just sat there, rubbing his hands over his face, breathing in and out. He finally turned to her. "What were you doing there?" he asked, trying to stay calm.

She turned to him. "How dare you do that to me!" she cried. "You embarrassed me!"

He raised his eyebrows. "You're damn right I embarrassed you. I _meant_ to embarrass you, same as you did me," he retorted. "What the _hell_ were you doing there? And lying to me about it?"

She turned and looked straight out the windshield. "You don't understand," she said. "You have no idea."

He reached for her arm and turned her towards him. "Seriously? You think I don't understand, Maddie? You think I ain't been there? You think your mama hasn't?" She scowled at him mulishly. He huffed and then dropped her arm. He started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Where are we going?" she demanded. He said nothing, just drove towards the river. He pulled into a parking lot and turned off the truck.

"Get out," he said.

She looked at him as though he'd lost his mind. "What?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I said, get out." He leaned slightly towards her and she looked away. But then she opened the door. He did the same, hustling around the back of the truck and meeting up with her. "Let's go," he said. He put his hand lightly on her arm and led her towards the pedestrian bridge. When they got to the first observation deck, he moved her towards it.

She frowned. "Why are we here?"

He leaned against the railing and reached out, turning her to face the city skyline. He put his hands on her arms, rubbing up and down gently. For a few minutes, they were just quiet, and then finally he breathed in. "You got the whole world ahead of you, Maddie," he said. "You don't gotta do it all at once, you know? But I know why you try."

"Why?" she asked, her voice low.

"I watched your mama do it. She wanted it all and she didn't wanna wait for nothing." He swallowed. "She used to do the same thing. You're just like her." He breathed in again and he pulled her against him into an embrace. "I know you want it all right now. And I want everything for you. You're so talented and so beautiful and I only want the best for you, baby." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "I watched you when you was a little girl and you always wanted everything right then. You were always running toward something." He sighed. "Your mama and me, we just wanna protect you. And I know it's hard, 'cause you just wanna go do it all now. But you gotta be careful. And you just gotta to talk to us. Don't shut us out."

She pulled out of his embrace and turned to face him. "Mom doesn't understand," she said defiantly.

"She _does_ understand, Maddie," he said. "She did the same thing." He sighed. "She'll probably be mad at me for telling you this, but she got her first paying gig when she was sixteen. And it caused a lot of trouble for her with her daddy, because he didn't support her. She ended up on her own and she wasn't prepared for that. You ain't either. But the difference is that me and your mama, we _do_ support you. We love you and we want you to follow your dream, same as we did." He started to feel a little emotional and breathed in. "I'm so proud of everything you do, Maddie. From the time you were a teeny tiny girl, I been proud of you. Watching you grow up, seeing what you can do, you amaze me." He smiled a little at her then. "I want you to do everything you wanna do with your life, but it's a different world from when me and your mom started out. There are people who'll take advantage of you and people who will push you into doing things that aren't right. If this was the right thing, Cash woulda never told you to lie to us. You know that."

She turned back to look out towards the city. "Cash thinks I can make it. And she says Mom's gonna hold me back. Not let me do this." She turned back to him, her eyes flashing. "And she already kept me from signing with Sony."

He worked his lip. "Baby girl, she don't want nothing bad to happen to you. And for someone your age, well, it can be tough. People take advantage of you. Your mama was lucky she had people looking out for her. People who knew what she was up against and helped her find her way."

"Cash knows all that," she said, stubbornly, a mulish look on her face.

He shook his head. "No, she don't. Maddie, she ain't never done this. She just wants to live through you. She don't know nothing about you. Not really."

She narrowed her eyes, then crossed her arms over her chest. "You just want to control me. You and Mom both." She rolled her eyes. "I want to go home."

"This ain't over, Maddie," he said. But he didn't want to argue with her, where people could hear, so he just shrugged and headed back to the truck. She followed behind him.

 **Rayna**

Rayna looked out the window of the plane. Rain was streaming down and lightning and thunder were all around. She looked over at Bucky. "I'm guessing we're not getting out anytime soon," she said, with a smirk.

"Doesn't look like it," he concurred. He smiled at her. "It was great to see you out there tonight."

She looked at him wistfully. "I miss performing. I mean, I want to support my artists and make this label a success, but" – she sighed – "I miss it, Buck. It's what I was born to do." She leaned her head back on the seat. "I feel like I've lost sight of myself as an artist and that means I'm not as helpful to my artists."

He looked over at her with a twinkle in his eye. "I know you want to get Layla out there. What if we do a short tour, with her opening for you? Ten dates, let's say. And then we can position her better for a longer tour."

The minute he said it, she felt an excitement build up that went along with how she'd felt being out on stage with Autumn that night. "Can we?" she said, scrunching up her face.

Bucky smiled. "Of course we can. I'll make it happen."

Her phone buzzed and she looked down. Deacon's name and face popped up. She glanced at Bucky and he nodded, understanding she had to take the call. "Hey, babe," she said, a smile on her face.

"We got a problem, Rayna," he said.

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Maddie."

"What about her?"

"She went out with Cash tonight. Said they was going to a coffee shop, but turns out that ain't where they went at all."

She sat up straight then. "Where did they go?"

"Skulls. Down in Printer's Alley."

She raised her eyebrows. "What? Deacon, she's not old enough to go to a place like that."

"Well, no, except that she was performing. Me and you both know that can happen."

She sighed, remembering back in her early days when she played at places she wouldn't have been able to go into otherwise. "How did you find out she was there?"

"Daphne. She heard 'em talk about it. They didn't know she was listening." He sighed. "She pretty much thinks me and you don't know nothing and are keeping her from her dreams, as she puts it."

"But she's home now, right?"

"Yeah. Mad as hell, but she's home." He sighed. "Rayna, I don't know what's going on with her. I feel like I don't know her anymore. She don't talk to me like she used to."

She smiled. "She's a teenager, babe. She doesn't talk to me either."

"I thought putting her and Daphne on Highway 65 was gonna be the answer."

"Yeah, I did too. I think we do need to start looking at something for them." She bit her lip. "I'm not sure when we're getting out of here, but we'll talk about it when I get home, okay?"

"Sounds good. Travel safe. Love you."

She smiled. "Love you too, babe."

She closed her eyes as she leaned back against her seat. She knew a lot of Maddie's acting out had to do with her being a teenager, but it surely seemed to have ramped up since the Juliette episode and then finding out that Sony wanted to sign her. She sighed. It wasn't like she didn't remember the fights she had with her father back when she'd wanted to start her career. She knew, though, that had Lamar just been supportive and not kicked her out of the house, she might not have taken the path she had. She understood Maddie's dreams, but she really wanted to be able to give her a supportive path, instead of her having to navigate all that on her own.

She hoped they got out of Dallas soon.

 **Cash**

The truth was, Cash actually believed in Maddie's talent. She had her mother's voice and her father's insane musical talent. But she also believed it was being wasted, as Deacon and Rayna forced her to collaborate with her sister and write bubblegum nonsense. Cash dug for Maddie's insecurities and her feelings of being trapped and unable to explore her own musical tastes. She helped Maddie put lyrics and music to everything bubbling under the surface, including her sexual side.

Maddie had found out about the Sony offer quite by accident. Cash looked into it and found out that not only had Sony made an offer, but Edgehill Republic had as well, before its demise, something Maddie had not been aware of. The Highway 65 deal was insignificant and just another way for Rayna to control her daughter, keeping her from doing what she loved. Cash used all of that to her advantage, couching all her information as just looking out for Maddie's best interests. And she stealthily stoked the fires of how volatile living with an alcoholic could be, even when they were sober.

It wasn't hard at all to get Maddie stirred up about the squelched contracts and the control Rayna had over her prospects. She added some recollections about how unpredictable alcoholics could be and played on Maddie's anger after Deacon had pulled her out of Skulls. She was an easy mark and, although she still played it as being the one person in Maddie's corner, it had been surprisingly easy to get the younger girl to talk to a lawyer about emancipation.

"It's the only way you can have the career you want, Maddie, without interference from your parents. I mean, you're the one who's said they're holding you back. If you really want that career, and to be the next Taylor Swift, maybe you should consider it," Cash said, after the lawyer left. Maddie had seemed unsure, at first, when it was all laid out.

"Do you really think it's the only way? I do have that Highway 65 contract," Maddie said, looking uncertain.

"But that's with your sister, doing the kind of music you were doing with her." Cash took Maddie's hands and smiled encouragingly. "You know you can do better than that. The new music you've done is fantastic and just what the labels want. I've actually let some other labels take a listen and they are all interested in you, Maddie."

Maddie's face lit up. "Really?"

Cash nodded. "Really." She bit her lip. "And I'll be right there with you, every step of the way."

Maddie only hesitated for a second and then said, with a big smile on her face, "Let's do it!"

 **Rayna**

Rayna was on edge. After coming home from Dallas to find that Maddie had run away, she and Deacon had zeroed in on Cash as the one who'd led her astray and they'd finally confirmed that was where she'd run to. But they were struggling with getting through to her and, in the midst of their confusion and worry, they were blaming each other and fighting over it. Or, probably more accurately, she was blaming him.

Cash had shoved her phone in Rayna's face, showing her how Deacon had stormed the stage at Skulls and pushed the guy away who'd tried to reach out to Maddie. While she was appalled at Maddie being there, she was also concerned about Deacon's reaction to it. All she could think about were the parallels to her own life.

"Why'd you have to blow up on her like that last night?" she shouted at him.

He raised his eyebrows. "You have no idea what it was like in there, Rayna!" he shouted back. "That song she was singing, the clothes she was wearing? And then what, I'm just supposed to just politely ask that guy groping her leg to stop?" He leaned in towards her. "What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know! But I do remember what it's like to have a fight with your father and end up leaving home forever. And I don't want that for Maddie. That's a pattern I do not want to see repeated!"

All the anger seemed to flow out of him in that instant and then she felt terrible that she'd compared him to her own father. Deacon was not like Lamar Wyatt, not even close, which was why all of this made so little sense to her. "I don't either," he said then, sitting down on the couch and putting his head in his hands.

She breathed in deeply. What she'd seen on the video had taken her back, brought back memories of Deacon punching out someone who had tried to feel her up or who had made some kind of lewd comment. _Some things don't change._ But she'd known, for years, that Deacon sober was still Deacon. He was still impulsive, still wore his heart and emotions on his sleeve, still could be volatile. It was one thing for her to deal with that. She worried about what it meant for their family. Worried that Maddie would push away from them because of it.

She needed a minute, so she turned and walked out.

* * *

They went together to try to talk to her, at Cash's house. It broke Rayna's heart to see how angry their daughter was, how coldly she looked at them. But when she told them she intended to emancipate from them, she never remembered feeling as devastated as she did at that moment. Her head was spinning and she thought her legs would give out underneath her. She grabbed for the handrail and leaned against the porch column. She could barely breathe and it felt like her heart was being crushed inside her chest. She heard an anguished keening that she realized was her own. Just before she collapsed, Deacon put his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest, clinging to him desperately, letting loose with heartrending sobs.

After a moment, she knew he was crying too. She could feel his body shaking and hear his own sobs. _You're_ _not a good influence. You're trying to keep me from my career._ Maddie's words echoed in her head and that was when she realized they'd been directed at _her_. It was also when she acknowledged to herself that it wasn't all on Deacon, that Maddie's anger was directed at them both. She clung to him more tenaciously then, knowing they would have to work together to bring their girl home.

* * *

It felt like all she was doing was wringing her hands. She and Deacon paced the floors for what seemed like hours. They couldn't get near Maddie to talk to her. She wouldn't take their calls or respond to their texts. She wasn't even responding to Daphne.

"What do you wanna do?" Deacon asked, finally, running his hands over his head in frustration.

She shook her head, feeling worn down. "I'm not even sure anymore." She looked at him and saw the pain and resignation in his eyes, sure he could see the same in her own. She sighed deeply. "Maybe I should just go and wait, outside Cash's house. She has to come out sometime, right? Maybe I could catch her alone."

He shrugged. "It couldn't hurt," he said. "You want me to go with you?"

"I think that might feel like we're ganging up on her." She rubbed her face. "I need you to pick up Daphne from dance class anyway."

He nodded. "Be careful though. They say it's supposed to snow."

She breathed in, her emotions welling up. She walked over to him and put her arms around his waist. When he wrapped her up in his own arms, she felt safe and comforted, at least for a moment. She pulled back and looked up at him. "Okay, I'm going to go see if I can reach out to her."

He kissed her. "Good luck. Call me." She nodded and then went to get her coat.

* * *

She sat in the car for two hours. The sky got dark and then it started to snow. She was almost ready to go back home when she saw a car pull up in front of Cash's house. She sat up and peered out the window. When she saw Maddie get out of the passenger side of the car, she got out and started running towards her. "Maddie!" she called out and Maddie turned around. "Maddie, please just talk to me!"

Maddie looked at her, the snow falling all around them. "Why didn't you tell me? About Edgehill? About Sony? Why did you turn them down without even telling me?"

Rayna grabbed her hands. "Because it's my job as your mother to protect you from things that are gonna break your heart."

Maddie pulled away. "Like what? That labels wanted to sign me? That other people thought I had real talent? You kept all that from me."

Rayna nodded. "Maddie, it's not like that…."

Maddie interrupted her. "Only after these other label offers, _you_ signed me to this fake deal, only so you could control me."

Rayna shook her head. "That's not true at all. This deal is absolutely real for you. Just as my belief in you as an artist is. Honey, I wanna support you and I wanna build you, and I don't want you to be exploited. You know that's true, you have to believe that's true."

Maddie looked away, then back. "I honestly don't know what to believe anymore."

Rayna struggled to make sure she said the words that would speak to Maddie's heart. "Well, believe in _us_ , believe in your family. We've always been able to get through everything together. Your father and I really do want to help you." She put her hands on Maddie's arms. "Maddie, I promise we'll talk about these things going forward. But you have to know I would absolutely support something that was in your best interests. Always. So, please, think about this before you do anything."

She could see the tears in Maddie's eyes and heard the emotion in her voice. She hoped she was getting through. "Everything's already in motion," Maddie said.

Rayna shook her head. "Says who? Says Cash? Says the lawyer? Honey, listen to your heart. Is this what you want?"

Maddie breathed in. "I just need to think."

"Then think. But don't let some court decide what your life's going to be."

Maddie pulled back and put her head down and Rayna could hear her start to cry. She turned back. "I have to go inside."

Rayna begged her with her eyes. "Please come home, sweetheart." But Maddie turned away and walked quickly back to Cash's house, leaving her standing there, tears rolling down her face, as the snow continued to fall, wondering if she'd lost her daughter forever.

She stood and watched until Maddie was inside Cash's house and then she turned and went back to her car. When she was sitting in her car, with the heat running, she put her head down on the steering wheel and wept. Finally she called Deacon.

"Hey, baby," he said when he answered, sounding anxious.

"She wouldn't come, Deacon," she said, starting to cry again.

"Tell me what happened," he said.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I thought I was getting through to her for a minute, but then she still walked away." She broke down in tears again. "I think we've lost her, Deacon."

He was silent on the other end of the phone and then she heard him sniffing. "Come home, baby," he said softly. "We'll figure it out." She didn't want to leave, but there didn't seem to be a point in sitting out on the street, so she headed for home.

 **Deacon**

Deacon was sitting in his truck, down the street from Cash's house, but within sight distance. He hated that he and Rayna were having to resort to sitting in cars waiting to talk to her, but Cash had kept her locked down. He saw her leave the house, by herself, and he jumped out of his truck, running towards her. She stopped when she saw him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, frowning at him.

He stopped, three feet away from her. He felt a squeezing in his gut and a lump in his throat. "I just wanna talk to you, sweet girl," he said.

"I don't think it's a good idea." She turned the other way.

"Maddie, please." He knew he sounded desperate, but he didn't care. She stopped but she didn't turn around. "Baby, I fought for you your whole life. I ain't gonna stop now."

She turned around. "What does that even mean?"

He breathed in. "I was in rehab when your mom found out she was pregnant." Maddie's eyes widened. "I worked hard to be the kind of daddy you deserved. I fought to be in your life. And not because your mama didn't want me to, but because she seen me at my worst and she only wanted the best for you." He sensed that he had her attention. "All she ever wanted, all _we_ ever wanted, was to keep you safe. Protect you. Hold you close." He smiled a little. "Maybe we held you too close. But it's only 'cause we love you so much." He stepped a little closer. "Baby, we want everything for you. _Everything._ We believe in you, please know that. You know your mama was on her own when she was your age. But it wasn't because she wanted to be. It was hard and people tried to take advantage of her."

"But she had you. And I have Cash." Maddie looked mulish again.

"You have _us_ , your mama and me. And we _love_ you." He took a deep breath. "We're your family, Maddie, and we'll never leave you. You don't know that about Cash." He walked up to her then and took her hand. He was encouraged that she didn't pull it away. "Me and your mom, we both been through this. We talked about it when you were still a little girl, how we wanted to help you follow your dreams, just like we did. But we had nobody but each other. You'd have us, always in your corner. We just don't want nothing bad to happen to you. And I know you think we're too strict, or something, but you're us, baby." He let out a short laugh. "You're our girl and nobody will ever love you or want the best for you like we will."

He could see tears in her eyes, but then she shook her head slightly, sliding her hand from his. "I don't know."

He worked his lip and pressed his hands together. "Sweetheart, please," he said softly. "Don't do this. Please. Give us a chance to work it out."

"I don't know," she whispered again and then she turned and hurried away from him.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and looked up to the sky, fighting back tears. He felt like they'd lost her, without even getting a fair chance to fight for her. _How did we get to this place?_ He looked back across the street at Cash's house and he worried Rayna was right and that they'd lost her for good.

 **Maddie**

She wasn't sure exactly what it was that changed her mind. It might have been that last meeting with the lawyer, the one where she talked to Maddie about bringing up all the things her father had done back when he was still an alcoholic. Or maybe it was when the lawyer talked to her about whether she was afraid to live with an alcoholic, even if he was recovering, and Cash told her it was okay to have her doubts. Except that wasn't the father she'd grown up with, the father who'd loved her her whole life. The father she'd loved and looked up to.

It might have been when she thought back on growing up as Rayna Jaymes' daughter. How Rayna was always there when she needed her most. How she'd learned, over time, all the things her mom had done to take care of her, and how she'd made sure her father was in her life. Maybe it was that both her parents sought her out and told her how much they loved her and wanted to support her.

It might have been the idea of leaving Daphne behind. And then there was Juliette, who'd done the same thing, and told her she didn't have to do it, that her situation was different because she had parents who loved her. As she lay in bed in Cash's guest room that night, she couldn't sleep. She kept tossing and turning, not knowing what to do or who to believe. The lawyer had told her they would serve her parents with the court documents the next day.

When she thought about that, she wondered how it had all gotten to that place. How had it gone from wanting to explore her music to wanting to divorce her parents? When had Cash gotten in her head with that idea? She had a huge knot in her stomach.

Suddenly she could barely breathe. Her chest felt tight and her mouth felt as dry as the desert. She sat up in the bed, trying to breathe, feeling her heart racing. She closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down, until she was finally able to take in a deep, gasping breath. She breathed out slowly, feeling her heart slow down. She finally got up and got dressed. She put all her clothes in her overnight bag and crept quietly down the hall and out the front door. She walked down to the street and then headed for the corner.

Suddenly none of this had felt right to her anymore. She wanted a career, a recording contract and all that went along with that. She wanted to be on stage, performing her music. She wanted to make her own choices. But, after listening to everything Cash and the lawyer said, she wasn't sure she wanted to be completely on her own. She kind of liked having her parents to talk to, being able to spend time with Daphne. She admitted to herself that she was angrier at her mom than her dad, but all the things Cash was saying about them just didn't ring true. It really wasn't what she wanted.

It was snowing again, lightly, and she stood there as the flakes fell on her face and hair and coat. She closed her eyes, thinking about the time, when she was about eight, when she and her dad had built a snowman in his front yard. She smiled a little as she remembered laughing with him and how he ran into the house to get a carrot to use for a nose. And then there was the time she and Daphne made snow cream with her mom, after they'd all thrown snowballs at each other. She felt tears in her eyes then and she breathed in, a deep, gulping breath. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. She scrolled down and hit the call button.

"Maddie?"

She nodded as the tears rolled down her face. "Dad, will you come get me?" she said.

"I'll be right there."

She put her phone back in her pocket and then went to stand next to a tree, leaning against it, and waited.


	26. 2017

_**A/N: So this is the last chapter. Thank you for staying with this, even though I know a lot of the chapters were very long. I appreciate everyone who followed this all the way to the end and all the people who left such kind reviews. I know sometimes things didn't play out the way you might have wanted or expected, but I wanted to explore a world where Deacon always knew about Maddie and Rayna had to figure out where that left them in the end. She made some of the same choices, but for different reasons, and I think she just wanted to be sure to protect not only the hearts of everyone around her, but her own as well. That much didn't change. So now let's see how this wraps up….**_

 **Maddie**

She'd been back home long enough that most of the awkwardness had gone away. They still really hadn't talked about everything though. And she was hesitant to bring it up, a little afraid that it might all go up in a puff of smoke.

On a night when Daphne was visiting Teddy and Peggy, her parents came into the den, where she was watching TV. She glanced at them, then muted the TV, and turned her attention back to them, as they sat down. Her mom smiled, a little hesitantly. "I guess I thought maybe we could talk, the three of us," she said, gesturing between each of them. "About what led you to want to leave home."

Maddie sat up and leaned forward slightly. She wanted to be honest. "I felt trapped," she said finally. "I didn't think I had another way out." She breathed in, feeling a little emotional. "It didn't feel like you were listening to me. Like you thought my dreams were silly."

Her dad's face got a little pinched as he reached out and touched her knee. "Sweetie, we never thought your dreams were silly," he said.

She looked at him. "Maybe _you_ didn't, but" – she looked over at her mom – "it felt like _you_ were trying to hold me back. Why didn't you tell me about Edgehill? And why weren't you going to tell me about Sony? It's like you didn't want me to have a career." She could feel the tears and heard the quiver in her voice.

Her mom's eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "Maddie, I didn't want to tell you about those offers because they just weren't going to be good for you. They truly weren't in your best interest. And I thought telling you would only make it harder to say no." She squeezed her hands together in her lap and sighed. "I guess I've spent your whole life protecting you, because I love you so much, you and your sister. And your father keeps reminding me I need to let you spread your wings" – she glanced over at her dad – "even when I'd rather keep you close." She took a deep breath. "Clearly I should have at least talked to you about the offers. I know you think I was trying to control you, Maddie, but that's not true. I will _always_ support you. I just don't want you to be taken advantage of."

Her dad looked over at her mom, then back at her. "Sweetie, your mom had people want to sign her, back when she was starting out, and they wanted to take advantage of what she had. The contracts they wanted her to sign weren't in her best interest." He breathed in. "We had to figure out all that on our own. All we wanna do is help you not make a mistake."

She still felt frustrated. "But this _is_ what I want." She looked at her mom. "You got started when _you_ were sixteen."

Her mom sighed, lifting her shoulders. "You're right. I did. But I wasn't standing on a stage in front of twenty thousand people, Maddie. Not when I was sixteen. And I was doing it on my own."

She frowned. "You had Dad. _And_ you got married when you were seventeen. _My_ age."

Her mom made a face. "I did. But that doesn't mean _you_ should. And I was lucky to have your father." She smiled at him and took his hand, then looked back at Maddie. "You have him too. _And_ me." She sighed. "I know you want to perform on your own…."

She threw her hands out. "I do! I know you want me to do it with Daphne, but she's just too young for me right now."

Her mom nodded. "I get it. I really do."

Her dad looked at her mom then and she saw that thing she saw between them so often, the way they seemed to be able to talk to each other without words, with just their eyes. When they turned back to her, he said, "We're willing to help you if you wanna do this on your own. But you gotta let us do that." He breathed in. "Listen to us."

Her mom smiled softly. "Will you do that, Maddie? Let us help you follow your dream?"

She could hardly catch her breath. The truth was, when she thought about going out on her own, it felt scary. She wanted to write music and perform on stage, that hadn't changed. Maybe they _could_ help her. She just stared at them for a moment, then finally nodded her head.

 **Deacon**

He watched Rayna as she got her things together to leave for the Silicon Valley event. He didn't know why she was doing it, other than that she kept talking about needing to expand her reach and the reach of the label. She was unenthusiastic about it, had been from the beginning, and she didn't look happy now. He knew she was thrown off balance by Juliette's plane crash and the aftermath. They'd talked about it privately, after every visit to the hospital, and they were both worried about Juliette, but Rayna seemed unusually bothered. He would ask her if she was okay, and she would say she was, but he just wasn't sure that was true.

It went beyond just the plane crash, though, and they both knew it. It had started when Cash Gray had tried to lure Maddie away, trying to convince her to emancipate herself. Even though they'd won that battle, Maddie had changed and it had changed their relationship with her and with each other. Rayna had blamed herself, blamed him, but they had worked hard not to fall back on old patterns, spending a day with a therapist to help them manage through it all. And even though they'd all recovered, she'd still seemed off-center somehow, not completely back to normal.

In fact, the only thing that seemed to be fine was their marriage. After they'd gotten past the rocky spot with Maddie, things had been better than ever. The session with Dr. Voris seemed to help them re-center, letting them really come together as parents and partners. Together they were stronger, but she still seemed unsettled on every other front. He watched her, shutting out all the noise around them, just laser-focused on her.

The girls were bickering, which was the norm these days, and he noticed that Rayna seemed distracted. He picked up her overnight case off the kitchen island, where she'd left it, and walked over to where she'd left her rolling bag. She wasn't even listening to the girls. "Hey, I'm outta here," she said, over a sigh, as she picked up her purse and jacket. She headed for him. "My love, I leave you all the messes."

"I'll do what I can to clean them up," he said, as she put her arm around him and leaned in for a kiss. He reached around her and gripped her belt as he pulled her close. He found himself feeling unsettled about her going and he wrapped her up in his arms.

"I feel like I can't breathe," she murmured.

"I feel like that when I look at you," he said, trying to lighten things up a little. She didn't respond, but he felt her arm tighten around his neck.

She kissed him again, then stepped back. "I need my hugs," she said to the girls, her arms spread out. "Can't leave without my hugs." The girls ran over to hug her and wish her a safe trip.

He caught sight of her face when Maddie said 'fly safe' and he realized she probably was a little freaked out about flying in a private plane. Truth be told, he was a little freaked out for her. He opened the door for her. She looked at him. "Fly very safe," he said and kissed her again. She looked at him and he could have sworn he saw fear in her eyes for a second and then it was gone. "Call me when you get there." She nodded and then took her bags out to the car without another word.

* * *

He didn't like how she sounded on the phone when she called him after the performance. He could tell she was a little bothered that it wasn't really a country music crowd, but it didn't really seem like it was what was bothering her most. He could hear fear in her voice, more like terror, at the idea of flying, but it was even more than that. He knew her so well, better than anyone, and he knew that was just a symptom of whatever was really at the core. He'd been worried when he talked to her after she landed, but now he had a gnawing sense of real discomfort. He sat back on the bench and bit his lip. He remembered the fear she'd had for him back when he was drinking, but this was different. Back then she channeled her fear into action. She'd get angry and then she'd make a plan, take charge. But she was floundering now. He could hear it in her voice and he'd seen it even before she left. She seemed paralyzed by whatever it was that was at the root of her fear and that was not like her.

He got up and walked downstairs. He got his laptop and sat at the dining table, firing it up. He checked the airlines, found a flight and booked it, then headed back upstairs to pack a bag.

* * *

He tried to sleep on the plane, but he was too worried about Rayna to more than doze. This really wasn't at all like her. He'd never seen her this unsure of herself. Although he had chafed against it at times, he'd always counted on her being strong and decisive, self-confident and driven. But this was a Rayna who was very different from that other woman. He thought maybe he could help her.

After Maddie came home, they'd found out that part of what had fueled Cash's interest in Maddie had been Frankie's perception that Deacon had taken over his bar. Although Frankie had been enthusiastic when Deacon first got involved, at some point that had changed. Deacon let Frankie buy back his share, much to Rayna's relief. Even he had to admit, though, that these days, spending time on his music and acting as Rayna's unofficial sounding board for Highway 65 made for a much more fulfilling life. And it meant he was even more tuned in to her and her needs.

When he got to the hotel, he was glad she'd left a copy of her travel arrangements with him. He felt sure the front desk clerk wouldn't have given him her room number. He approached the door and knocked. "Room service!" he called out.

After a moment, he heard her say "I didn't order room service." But then a few moments later, after he'd knocked again, she opened the door, a look of happy surprise on her face. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?" she cried happily.

When he had her in his arms and they were together in her bed, he was glad he'd come. She always accused him of being impulsive, sometimes with humor but often with frustration. He could tell she'd needed him and had appreciated that he'd been impulsive this time. It seemed to give her some resolve and he started to see the Rayna he knew again.

 **Rayna**

Zach's assistant had a car delivered to the hotel. Deacon walked her out, before he headed to the airport. He helped her put her bags in the trunk, then leaned against her as she leaned back against the driver's side of the car. "Will you call me every night?" he asked, as he held on to her tightly. "I'll worry."

She smiled. "I know you will. And yes, I'll call," she said. She liked how he felt against her body and she kind of wished they could stay an extra day. She wouldn't mind going back and getting into that super soft bed with the incredible sheets. Especially with her man next to her.

"How long you think it'll take?" he asked.

She shrugged. "A week, I think. I'll stop after every three hundred fifty miles or so." That had been their deal. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. "Thanks, babe, for being so understanding."

He put his index finger under her chin and tipped her head back to look at him. "I'm nervous about you doing this, all by yourself. Knowing you got so much on your mind."

She smiled a little. "I think that's why I need to do it, my love. I need to clear my head. There's just too much. Everything we went through with Maddie, the label, my music. I just feel lost." She'd said that to him earlier, about feeling lost, and she still felt like that. It was what had become clear to her as she contemplated what to do next. She'd never felt so unsure of herself in her life.

He sighed. "I'm gonna miss you, baby," he said.

"I'm gonna miss you too, babe." She kissed him. "But I'll be back before you know it."

 **Deacon**

He was pretty sure it was going to feel like the longest week he'd ever lived, but he wanted to see a real smile back on her face and he wanted the weariness he saw to be gone. He really was worried about her. She seemed distracted, had for weeks, maybe even months. It was like the light had gone out inside her and it scared him a little. He reached for the door handle and opened the door for her. She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him, deeply, almost clinging to him, he thought. He put one arm around her waist and pulled her close as he returned the kiss. Finally, reluctantly, he let her go and she moved to get into the car.

He shut the car door as she fastened her seatbelt and put on her sunglasses. She looked up at him. He slid his hand over the back of her head. "Travel safe," he said.

She smiled. "I will. You too."

He leaned down and kissed her one more time, then he tapped the door. "I'll see you back in Nashville then," he said. He stepped back and watched as she started the car. She looked back at him one last time, with a wave, and then pulled out of the parking lot. He stood watching her until she had disappeared from his sight. He sighed. He hoped this was what she needed.

 **Rayna**

The first day she was on the road, she missed Deacon terribly. She thought about him a lot, wandering, in her mind, back through the almost thirty years she'd known him. She smiled when she thought about the good times and she wept when she thought about the bad. She had bittersweet feelings about what she now referred to as 'the Teddy years', the years when she questioned herself at every turn. She could never quite get to a place where she regretted that time of her life, though, if for no other reason than her sweet Daphne.

There were times when she cleared her mind, as much as she could, and just looked at the country around her. She would stop at off-the-grid kinds of places for lunch, lingering over a bbq sandwich or a bowl of soup with grilled cheese. The weather was mostly good, so she didn't have to pull up the top much. She liked the feel of the wind in her hair and the sun on her skin.

Her mind flitted from one thing to another. Deacon, the girls, the next steps with Maddie, her mom, Juliette, her career. Things felt so unsettled and she didn't like that feeling. She was normally in control and she was feeling lost, like she'd told Deacon. She couldn't decide exactly what that meant, except that she felt not in control of her life. She thought back to the tour after she'd had Maddie. She remembered feeling like that was where she belonged – on stage, in front of an audience, being creative, making music. That started her thinking about how long it had been since she'd felt that way. She started peeling away the layers of that.

 _I'm not recording anymore because…I don't have anything to say._ Was that really true? When had that started? It was true that it had been a long time since she'd written anything. She thought back and realized that the last song she'd written had been that song she'd performing on _Dancing With The Stars_. 'Lies of the Lonely'. She wondered if Luke had ever listened to it, since it was really a song about him and everything he'd represented. It wasn't long after that when things had all blown up and she'd left him. But that was, what, nearly three years before? That was a long drought.

She had teased Deacon about writing together again, that night they'd performed at the Bluebird before his surgery. But life got in the way. Her label got in the way. Her artists got in the way. Her girls got in the way. And, before she knew it, _she'd_ lost her way.

She would stay at out of the way places off the highway. She called Deacon every night and they talked about what she'd seen that day and where she was headed the next. The conversations were short, because she wanted to be able to take in everything she was experiencing and figure out what to do with it, before she really talked to him in depth. But she had wanted to hear his voice, feeling it wrap around her like a comfortable old blanket.

She listened to music, from old classic country to some of the current music, but mostly she listened to favorites like John Conlee and Loretta Lynn and Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard, the music she related to and that fed her soul. Music that told stories, the way she and Deacon had always liked to write.

About halfway through the drive she began to feel like she had slipped off the tightness, the melancholy, the indecision she felt she'd been plagued with. She stopped for gas just after she'd crossed into Oklahoma, which was where she'd seen the blind man playing 'Wayfaring Stranger'. When she got back in the car, she couldn't get the song out of her mind _. You should let yourself sing. Singing's good for the soul. You might find the joy you're looking for._ That was when she finally felt like she had pushed through the fog, that she was beginning to find a sense of what came next. She was ready to go home. Ready to be with her man and her family. Ready to tell her story.

* * *

She pushed herself to drive a little further on day five so that she was closer to home. The sun was starting to set in the sky when she pulled into the driveway at home on day six. She got out of the car and stretched, smiling, glad to be back in Nashville. She got her bags out of the trunk and let herself into the house. It was quiet and the downstairs was empty.

"Hello?" she called out. She left her bags at the door and then dropped her purse and the keys on the counter. "Anybody home?" She waited and then she heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Hey, baby!" Deacon cried as he hurried down the stairs and over to her. He took her in his arms. "I didn't expect you back until tomorrow."

She smiled at him. "I drove straight through. I just needed to be home." She kissed him. "So where is everybody?"

He smirked. "We didn't know you were coming today, so Maddie's at that Song Suffragette deal and Daphne's spending the night with one of her friends. So you just got me."

She wrinkled her nose. "Just who I wanted to see." Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him as he kissed her warmly.

* * *

He cooked her dinner, but not before she'd grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him into the den and down onto the couch. _As long as we're the only ones here, why not?_ It had felt a little like the early days, when it was just the two of them and all it took was to brush past each other and then they'd be all wrapped up in each other. It had felt fun and a little naughty and part of why she'd hurried home, because she was tired of not having him. And afterwards they stretched out next to each other, their legs and fingers entangled, just kissing and laughing softly. _I sure ain't a kid anymore, Ray. I don't know, babe, I thought you did pretty well for an old guy._

After dinner, they'd scrambled up the back stairs and tumbled into their bedroom, unable to keep their hands off each other. She noticed, not surprisingly, that the bed was unmade. She smiled a little to herself. He was definitely not one to make up a bed, as she remembered from their first years together. But it certainly made it easier to crawl under the covers. "I am so glad to be back in our bed," she said.

"It sure feels better with you in it," he said, with a grin, as he crawled in on his side. She scooched over and laid across him, her leg crossed over his. She laid her head on his chest and felt him grab her hair and kiss the top of her head. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you so much too."

He ran his hand up and down her arm. "So what you find out there on your trip?" he asked.

She rested her chin on his chest and looked at him. "Clarity, mostly. You know, when you take a drive like that, everything that's not important just kind of falls away."

He pushed her hair off her face. "Sounds like what you needed."

She nodded. "I had so much time to think, you know? I thought about _everything_. Our lives together, all the good and the bad, how we've always been so intimately connected. I thought about my mom and about Juliette and how everything can be gone in an instant. And I thought about how I got myself so caught up in my label that I forgot what's inside of me, the part of me that wanted to be in this business in the first place. I've lost the creative side of me, Deacon, the real me, you know? That thing that makes me feel energized and alive." She smiled. "I came up with an idea though."

He raised his eyebrows. "Yeah? What kinda idea?"

She bit her bottom lip. "I want us to do a record together, like we talked about."

"Like a duet album?"

She shook her head. "Bigger than that. Like our story. A concept album. Where we write all the songs, sing all the songs, you know, the story of us." She smiled. "What do you think?"

He breathed in. "Wow. You sure?" She couldn't be certain, but she thought he might have seemed less than enthusiastic.

"Yeah. I think it could be amazing. Don't you?"

He leaned in and kissed her. "What I think, is that you had all this time to dream this up and I think we need to talk about it more tomorrow. 'Cause that ain't really what I want to talk about right now, you know?" He smirked.

She laughed. "I think I know what you want to talk about right now," she said.

He grinned. "Actually, I don't wanna talk at all." Then he slid his arms around her and kissed her deeply and she forgot all about her trip and the album and just concentrated on being home again with this man she adored.

 **Deacon**

He figured Rayna was probably exhausted from the long drive, so he slid out of bed and went downstairs. He started the coffee and then leaned against the counter waiting for it to make. He thought again about what Rayna had proposed the night before. _Our story. A concept album. Where we write all the songs, sing all the songs, you know, the story of us._ He breathed in slowly and frowned. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Actually, that wasn't true. He knew _exactly_ how he felt about it. He didn't want to do it. For a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that he wasn't sure he actually wanted to wade through their history again. Their _painful_ history. He wasn't really sure why she wanted to do it either. And he kind of hoped maybe she'd forget about it.

He was sitting in the den with his coffee and a book when she came flying down the stairs. "Babe, I overslept!" she cried, as she ran to the coffee maker and poured coffee in the travel mug he'd left out for her. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

He looked back at her over the back of the couch. "You just looked so peaceful. I hated to wake you up," he said.

She gave him an exaggerated sigh and walked over to him. She leaned down and kissed him and he turned slightly so he could thread his fingers into her hair and hold her an extra moment. When she stood back up, she smiled down at him. "You do look extra sexy in those glasses, babe," she said. "I just have to say that."

He grinned. "I guess I need to wear 'em more often then," he said.

"I think that would be an excellent idea." She sighed again. "I need to run. I'm gonna be late for a meeting with Bucky." She pointed at him with her finger. "We'll talk more tonight." She walked over to the kitchen island and picked up her purse, sliding her phone into it.

He just gave her a half-smile, knowing that meant the duet album conversation wasn't over.

 **Rayna**

She had stewed over the conversation with Bucky all the way home. And then having Zach call her afterwards. It made her feel a little bit like she was losing some of the clarity she'd gained during her road trip. This, the Highway 65 stuff, was what took so much away from her, zapped her creativity. She really wanted to get into the concept album with Deacon before she lost the desire. Which made her think back to his reaction the night before. He hadn't really responded to her question about how amazing it could be. He'd actually seemed kind of meh to the idea. She frowned as she considered that.

He was in the kitchen when she walked in. "Hey," he said as he looked up. "How was it today?"

She made an irritated noise. "I had the most disappointing conversation with Bucky. Talking about Highway 65 being in trouble. But no really out-of-the-box solutions for that. And then, quite coincidentally, Zach Welles calls with this interest in getting into the country music business."

He raised his eyebrows. "Zach Welles?"

She rolled her eyes as she laid her purse and phone down. "Yes, Zach Welles. I mean, he's the kind of person who blew up country music and now he wants to come in and save country music." She shook her head. "I get that a lot has changed, with streaming and all that, but gosh, Deacon, I just don't need all this doom and gloom stuff." He looked at her a little funny. She frowned. "What?"

He looked away from her. "Look, uh, you sure you want to spend your company's money doing a duet album with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "This is not a duet album, babe." She thought about Bucky's comments around it not being commercial enough and wanting her to do something like this with someone who had a higher profile, which had irritated her. But that wasn't what she wanted. This was important, to her, and she wanted it to be important to Deacon. She put her hand on the counter and looked at him. "Do you just not want to do this?"

He looked back at her. "Maybe I don't. But at the risk of stating the obvious, you could do this with someone who's a bigger draw than me."

She huffed. "Deacon, this isn't just an album with someone else. It's _our_ story. It's about _us_ , not about the money. I mean, I came back from my trip with this great idea and it feels like you're letting fear keep you from doing it with me."

He shook his head and frowned. "It ain't about fear, Rayna. I don't know why you think that."

She raised her hands up in a frustrated gesture. "So you just don't wanna do it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe I don't."

"But why?"

He looked at her and sighed. "Our life together ain't been all flowers and hearts, baby, you know that. There's been a lotta pain and struggle and, you know, with us getting married again, I finally feel like I'm coming out of that. Maybe I don't wanna go back and drag all that back up again. It's painful, Rayna."

She considered what he'd said. "But you know, probably better than anyone, that some of the best music comes from the darkest places."

He raised his eyebrows. "I do. You're right. But I don't know that I wanna do that now. I just don't wanna do _that_."

She sighed. "It doesn't have to be dark and painful, Deacon. It can be beautiful." He had turned away from her by then and she felt hurt. "Will you at least think about it?" she asked. "Not completely close the door yet?"

He looked over at her. She couldn't really read him and she was afraid he'd completely shut her down. Finally he breathed out. "Yeah. I'll think about it." But he didn't look happy about it.

* * *

She wanted to understand his hesitancy to do the concept album. But he really didn't want to talk about it with her. _Maybe I underestimated how much all that hurt him._ It wasn't that she wanted to hurt him again, just show how their love had persevered during all of what they'd gone through. She thought again about how easy it would have been to have just let themselves break instead of holding onto the love they shared. They fought hard, the two of them. They were both passionate souls. She was always grateful though that, no matter how hard they fought, they always came back together in the end. That they knew each other so intimately and that they knew their love would never allow them to break that bond. So she was sure eventually they'd find their way.

When she did try to reengage him in conversation about it, it didn't always go well and they would both end up frustrated. In the heat of a particularly difficult argument about it, when they couldn't seem to find their way through it, she said, "I don't wanna be afraid of it. I don't wanna be afraid of who we are, you know? I wanna be able to touch our pain without having to hurt each other. I don't want us to go back into our patterns and our drama."

"So you tell me, Rayna," he said, looking resigned. "What do we do? How do we do this?"

It had been hard to get through it. There weren't any easy answers. They were both stubborn people, she acknowledged that. It had felt like they were at an impasse they struggled to get past. But they finally did, as they always did. And she was reminded of the words from the song he wrote to let her know he was all in on the album. _I'm never singing, unless my song is for you / So slam the door and I'll slam it back / Baby I love you, and it's as simple as that_ _._ It didn't mean it was easy and it didn't mean they didn't still struggle with it, but it finally felt as though they could move forward.

* * *

She curled up on the couch in the music room and watched Deacon talking to the sound guy as they worked through the songs they'd recorded so far. She had recorded some harmonizing vocals for 'Simple As That', the song he'd written to let her know he was on board with the concept album. She smiled to herself as they worked on mixing the two together. Now that they'd found a rhythm, the process was going more smoothly. Then Gene crossed her line of vision, focusing his camera on Deacon, who looked up at the videographer and frowned. Her smile broadened when she considered how much Deacon was still annoyed by Gene. She, however, had come around to the idea that not only would this be a meaningful accompaniment to the album itself, but the totality of it would be like a visual scrapbook of their lives together, along with the girls, that they could keep forever.

 _It's an imaginary line we never crossed / But it might seem like all is lost / From the outside looking in…._ She felt a little emotional shiver go through her as she listened to that line. It seemed to sum up their whole relationship so well. All the things they ever did to each other or put each other through had never broken their bond. He was still that young man she'd fallen in love with all those years ago, with his impulsiveness and his deep feelings, but she'd watched him grow stronger over the years. _We've got a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of history and I've seen Deacon go through all of it and he always comes up stronger than he was before. He's just incredible that way. He never gives up._ She sighed and felt tears in her eyes. It was true. He'd been her anchor, always. He was always the one she clung to, when things seemed overwhelming. He was her constant.

She breathed in deeply and then reached over to pick up her writing notebook. The words flowed out of her almost without her thinking about them _. It's like you've been the only one for all my life / Like I've never looked into another's eyes / The only hand I've ever held on to / No, I can't remember never loving you._ She would show it to Deacon later and hopefully they could craft another song from that. She leaned back against the couch, focusing again on him, feeling grateful for the chance to do all this again with him.

And from the corner of her eye, she realized Gene had, once again, captured all of that, and she smiled.

 **Deacon**

Deacon looked up when Rayna opened the door to the music room. "Hey," he said. "You're home."

She smiled as she walked over and slid her hand down his arm, leaning over to kiss him. Then she walked around the couch and sat next to him, as he set his guitar aside. She leaned into him and he put his arm around her. She settled her hand on his leg, running it up and down. "So Zach made kind of an interesting proposition today," she said, with a sigh.

He smiled. "I ain't into sharing. You can tell him that ain't happening."

She looked up at him, her eyebrows raised, and then she laughed. "He does _not_ want to have a threesome, babe," she said, with a smirk. "In any case, I think he might be gay, so it would be _you_ he'd be interested in, not me."

He laughed out loud. "Well, you can tell him _you_ ain't interested in sharing either then."

She smiled up at him. "Actually, all kidding aside, apparently he heard that Luke Wheeler might be interested in selling Wheelin' Dealin' Records. And he thinks Highway 65 should buy it."

He sat back and looked at her with surprise. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "Seriously."

He contemplated that. "What do you want to do?"

She breathed out. "Well, you know, normally I wouldn't do something like that. I'd rather grow the label organically. And Highway 65 definitely doesn't have the cash to do that." She looked up at him. "But Zach does."

He wasn't at all sure how he felt about Luke being part of Highway 65. Or what Zach's presence meant to Rayna's label long term. "You sure about this?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'm not sure about any of it, really. I'm not even sure Zach's information is right. But, as it happens, Luke's in town tonight at Bridgestone and Zach thinks we should talk to him about it." She looked up at him. "You wanna go with me?"

"Not really," he said. She frowned. "You know how it is, baby. No matter that we sort of called a truce, Luke Wheeler sees me as the guy who stole you away. It ain't like we're buddies or nothing."

She made a face. "You didn't steal me away," she said. "That's ridiculous."

He shrugged. "You know how men think, baby," he said. "Always so simplistic." He cut his eyes down to her.

She swatted his chest. "Stop." She rolled her eyes. "I made all the moves, you remember. I just want to be sure we're clear on that." She looked at him playfully and he laughed. "Are you okay then if I go with Zach and we sort of explore this idea? See if it's even real?"

He ran his hand over his mouth and thought about it. "I guess it makes sense. You'd sure get some firepower back on your label." He looked at her. "Would Luke come with the deal?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. That's a good question. Somehow I think he wouldn't want to do that, and I'd be okay with it. Having Juliette back and adding Will Lexington and some of the other up-and-comers he has would be good adds for us though."

He pressed her a little closer to him and smiled at her. "Then I think you should go for it," he said.

* * *

He opened his eyes when he felt her fingers against his back. He rolled over and looked at her. "Hey," he said, with a smile, his voice sleepy.

"Hey," she said, smiling back. She let her fingers run along his jawline.

"You do the deal?" he asked.

She nodded. "I did." She rubbed his cheek with her knuckles. "You'll be happy to know that Luke won't be coming with the deal. I agreed to let him go sign with another label." She grinned. "So it wouldn't be awkward or anything."

He chuckled. "Good for you," he said. Then he wrapped his arms around her and rolled her over onto her back and hovered over her, as she squealed. He leaned down and kissed her, lingering on her lips. "My little mogul," he teased.

She reached her hands up and put them on his face, pulling him down for another kiss. Then she laughed, that throaty, full laugh of hers that he hadn't heard lately. "That sure did feel good," she said.

He settled on top of her. "How does this feel?" he whispered against her neck. He kissed her on the neck right where she liked it and she moaned.

She laughed again, softly this time. "It feels like I have way too many clothes on," she answered, and he agreed.

 **Daphne**

She walked away from Gene and hurried up the stairs to her room. She threw herself down on her bed and looked up at the ceiling. That had not really gone the way she'd meant. The question Gene had asked was pretty simple. _What is it like having your mom and dad work on an album together?_ She'd started okay. It looked hard, that was true. She'd watched them over the last couple days and they'd seemed at cross purposes with each other. That didn't look fun to her. When she and Maddie worked on songs together, it came together pretty well, but her mom and Deacon? Well, they'd looked kind of upset with each other.

When she slipped and made the comment about it not always looking like they loved each other, she'd stopped the interview. She hadn't meant to say that. She knew they really loved each other. She knew they'd loved each other for a long time, and she'd accepted that. She felt more comfortable with Deacon now and appreciated how he took time for her.

It was a tightrope though. She lived with her mom and Deacon. She still loved her dad though and it sometimes felt like she was in the middle. And when her mom and Deacon argued, it sometimes made her feel unsettled. She had asked her mom about it, back when they were first getting started with the album.

" _So what is it you're writing about again?" Daphne asked._

 _Rayna sighed and then put her arm around Daphne's shoulders. "You know Deacon and I have a long history." Daphne nodded. "There was a lot of pain in that history, a lot of heartache, but also a lot of love." She smiled a little. "I met Deacon when I was sixteen years old and I fell in love with him that very day. We kind of grew up together and there were times when it was really messy and it hurt. And then we went through a lot of years where we were friends, being supportive of each other, learning to give each other space. So it's a lot of that."_

" _Seems like it would be hard."_

 _Rayna nodded. "It's not easy, that's for sure. There's a delicate balance when you tell a story like that. And we're trying to tell it the right way, with respect for each other."_

 _Daphne frowned. "But it seems like you're mad at each other."_

 _Rayna pulled her close. "We're not mad at each other, sweetheart. I promise." She leaned her head down on Daphne's. "You know, Deacon and I have always had a relationship where we could really be open with each other and sometimes that means we argue and yell, but we always find our way back." She looked down at her daughter. "I hope you find a relationship like that one day. Where you can be yourself and know you're loved no matter what. Where you can always be honest because that other person understands you and knows you, deep down inside."_

 _Daphne smiled. "Sounds like it's going to be an amazing album."_

She knew it would be. They were the best at what they did. She loved all their old songs and she knew they would write beautiful new ones. And even if they were painful, there would still be love.

 **Rayna**

It was always a tricky thing with fans. The good news was that country music fans were mostly respectful people, at least in her experience. She'd done Fan Fair in the early days and continued with CMA Fest when it evolved and there were always meet and greets for fans. She was happy to do them, happy to meet the people who bought her records and came to her concerts and requested her songs on the radio. She went through a six year stint of playing the big shows at the football stadium.

Living in Nashville, she'd learned to appreciate that locals mostly left stars alone. She could go out with her girls or with Deacon and know she wouldn't be bombarded with fans wanting autographs or pictures. There wasn't much of a paparazzi presence in Nashville either, except at big award shows. She knew that people took pictures sometimes, because they would show up in tabloids. Grainy phone pictures that were rarely flattering. But it was a small price to pay.

She still did meet and greets for VIP fans at certain shows. She saw it as part of the deal, part of being a star. She knew there were a lot of other artists who didn't do them or only did them early in their careers. Luke was one of those artists.

" _Truthfully, Rayna, I hate doing them," he told her on a rare day when they were relaxing at the ranch. "Always have. I don't like being hugged or touched or grabbed at by strangers."_

 _She looked surprised. "Really? Because you always seem so engaged with them when you're on stage. And they relate to you so well."_

 _He shrugged and smirked. "The trick is making them think you're approachable even when you're not. Talking to 'em like you would love to meet 'em, but just can't."_

" _Didn't you do Fan Fair and CMA Fest?"_

 _He nodded. "Oh, yeah, sure, in the beginning. But when I got to that point where I could play arenas and stadiums and I was always on the big stage at the fest, I stopped. No need." He looked at her. "Aren't you afraid of stalkers? That's what I worry about. Get too close to 'em and you end up with a stalker."_

 _She shrugged. "That could happen anyway, though, right? I really haven't had an issue though."_

 _He reached for her hand and squeezed it, smiling lovingly. "Well, that's because you're everybody's friend, darlin'. You have that warm smile and the 'how y'all doing' thing going on and they all think you're their friend."_

She had laughed back then, but now she had to wonder. Had she been too available? Too open? Certainly there were parts of her life that were off limits. She worked hard to keep her girls mostly out of the spotlight, particularly when they were very young. She'd only had one person even close to a stalker. The woman who used to mail her socks. It was strange, but it blew over pretty fast. And there were a handful of overzealous fans along the way, but nobody got really close. But this letter, with the rose petals, that was straight up scary.

 **Deacon**

Once they finally got going on the concept album, things seemed to fall in place more easily. They had struggled to write the first song together, for a lot of reasons. It had been a long time since they'd written together about each other and they realized that was a muscle they'd had to develop again. They'd both somehow assumed it would just fall into place, as though all the years and all the ups and downs of their relationship would just melt away. Once they'd gotten past the initial hurdle, however, it got easier.

Of course, there was still Gene, good old Gene, hanging around, filming everything. Eventually he'd become like part of the background noise and he, mostly, followed the boundaries Rayna set up. He was still less okay with it than she was, but it had finally stopped being the sword he wanted to fall on.

The stalker bothered him though. That part raised his anxiety level and had him on alert. He had a bad feeling about it from the start, but everyone kept telling him the guy was likely harmless. After all, it was just letters and flowers and non-threatening things. But then it wasn't. This guy showed up at Rayna's office, he approached Daphne at school, he stood outside their gate. They had a state-of-the-art security system and bodyguards and yet, he still felt helpless. Like he couldn't keep everyone safe. He felt a sense of panic every time Rayna left the house, any time the girls left the house. He wasn't worried about himself – he knew he could handle this guy himself – but he couldn't protect his girls all the time and that scared him, deep down inside.

* * *

Rayna was the right amount of nervous. He thought she'd probably learned how to be alert and aware of her surroundings and what was happening near her from all the years she'd spent with him. It hurt him to think about it, but he also knew it meant she didn't overlook things. He was glad she didn't balk at having a bodyguard with her, though, as inconvenient as it was. If nothing else, it made _him_ feel secure.

* * *

She had a busy Saturday planned. He was sitting on the bench in the bedroom when she came out of the closet, sliding on a light leather jacket. He looked up. "You going?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm gonna stop by the Five Spot to see Maddie's _boyfriend_ perform." She made a little face. They'd both been nervous about him. He was older than Maddie and it worried them that he might try to take advantage of her. But they had also come to realize Maddie wasn't a little girl anymore and they were trying to straddle the line between being overprotective and giving her the right amount of space.

He grinned. "She'll be surprised to see you."

She shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, she will." She walked over and sat down next to him, bumping his shoulder. "But you're right. She's not a little girl anymore and we need to give her a little freedom."

He raised his eyebrows. "What was that? I was actually right?"

She swatted his arm and made a face. "I'll admit there probably was some value to you not being the parent she lived with all the time. I can learn from you too."

He leaned in and kissed her. "You still going by the office after?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I want to listen to some demos Bucky left for me. There are a couple artists he's really excited about."

"You be home by seven or so? I can get Chuck to come by and we can do some more recording."

She smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good. I did those scratch tracks for 'Can't Remember Never Loving You' and 'You're Mine'. Maybe you can take a listen today while I'm gone and we can wrap those up tonight." She scrunched up her face. "I'm still thinking we need one more song though, babe."

He frowned slightly. "You sure? We got like sixteen or something. More than we need."

She turned towards him. "Well, I know, but it wasn't all pain, Deacon, you know that. I feel like we need something that shows how we came out of it in the end." She screwed up her face. "You know, like at the end of a book there's an epilogue, so you know how things turned out."

"You want an epilogue?"

She shook her head, a thoughtful look on her face. "It's not that, exactly. But, you know, that promise of something more, the last thing you hear that makes it all make sense."

"Like a coda?"

She smiled. "That's it." She leaned in and kissed him. "You're so smart, babe." He grinned. She sat back. "That's what I want us to write. That song that kind of wraps it up, that shows where we are now. Because this, you know, what we have now, this is beautiful." He could see just a wisp of a tear in her eye.

He took her hand and squeezed it. "We'll do that then," he said. She reached up and stroked his cheek with her hand for a moment, then got up. He stood up with her.

"So, you're on Daphne duty today, right?"

He nodded. "Yep. She's got concert rehearsal and I'll get her there. I think she's going off with her friends after though." He pulled her into his arms. "Be careful, baby," he said. Deep down inside, he had an uncomfortable feeling, but he couldn't figure out why. He was tense about this Wayne business all the time, but this felt different, somehow, like a warning. He pulled her close and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Please."

She smiled a little. "Of course. I have my security with me. I'll be fine." She pressed her lips against his, but he pulled her even closer, tugging at her lips until she opened her mouth to his and he kissed her almost savagely. When he finally pulled his lips from hers, she was breathing heavily. "What was that about?" she asked, her voice a little breathy.

He shook his head and smirked a little. "I just wish I could keep you right next to me, baby, all the time. I hate letting you out of my sight, even for a second." He pulled her even closer and looked at her intently. "God, I love you so much."

She ran her hand over his face, her eyes darting over his face. "Me too," she whispered. She grazed her thumb over his lips. "I'm gonna be fine."

He nodded, feeling intensely emotional just then. "I know," he said. "I worry though."

She smiled then. "I love that you worry." She brushed his lips with a kiss. "And that you look out for me. What would I do without you?"

He chuckled softly. "You ain't never gonna need to worry about that again," he said.

She pulled back from him then and turned towards the door, taking him by the hand. "I need to get going," she said. "Walk me out?"

"You bet," he said and he followed her out the door and down the hall.

 **Rayna**

She thought about how it ended. She had never been so scared in her life. Not even back in the days when Deacon was struggling so much and she was so afraid for him. She didn't think she'd make it out alive. She thought about Deacon, about her girls, and was terrified they'd have to go on without her. She had slid down onto the floor as the police took Wayne out of the office.

 _Wayne._ Even though he told her the knife was dull, she knew he could still hurt her. He was bigger than her, stronger than her. He could easily overpower her. She tried everything she could think of, as he stood there in her office, adrenaline racing through her body. She struggled to stay as calm as she could, to try to reach him somehow, reason with the unreasonable. She asked him questions and then tried to give him a story that would let him see she struggled too. She tried to identify with his pain, understanding somewhere deep inside, totally on instinct, that it was what he'd needed.

Then the bodyguard was there, gun drawn. Cops were swarming her office. There was so much shouting and she could feel Wayne's panic as he held her with the knife perilously close to her neck. She still tried to reason with him, reach him, and finally he had dropped the knife and she was safe.

 _She had been in a daze when she walked out of the office. There were flashing lights and sirens all over but she felt like she was in a fog. A female cop told her they would take her to the hospital, but all she wanted was to go home. She wanted to see Deacon. She wanted to hold her girls. She needed her family._ I don't want to go to the hospital. I just want to go home. _They gently put her into the squad car and then the car headed towards the main road._

 _She found her phone and called Deacon. "Hey, we've been waiting on you," he said, when he answered. She started to cry when she heard his voice. "Baby, what happened?" he asked. She tried to speak, but she couldn't. "Rayna, what is it, sweetie?" He sounded scared._

 _She finally found her voice. "Something terrible happened," she managed to say, gasping for breath. "I mean, it's okay, I'm okay." She was still struggling to breath. "I'm coming home."_

" _Come home, baby," he said. His voice wrapped around her, as surely as if he were right there with her, his arms holding her tight._

 _She was nodding, knowing he couldn't see her, still crying, but feeling better after hearing his voice. "I am," she said. "I'll be there…soon." She hung up the phone and sat back against the seat as the car raced through downtown Nashville._

She closed her eyes and breathed in, but all she could see was Wayne coming in her office, him chasing her down, him holding that knife against her throat. She gasped for breath and her eyes flew open. She thought about what Deacon had said to her about her panic attack, during the trip to Silicon Valley. _Giving into this panic is just the worst thing for it. Just tell yourself you're gonna be fine._ She breathed in deeply and smiled a little _. Just like a man, to think it's so easy._ Then the emotions of the night washed over her again and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.

Before long they were at the gate and she gave the police officer the gate code. The gates swung open and the squad car eased down the drive. Rayna could see all the lights were on in the house and she felt her chest tighten. The car pulled up by the front door and, as she looked through the window, she saw Deacon throw open the door and start out. She choked on a sob and opened the car door, flying across the drive, and letting him wrap her up in his arms as she cried on his chest.

"I got her. Thanks for everything," she heard him telling the officer. He just held her and she heard the police car drive off. "It's okay, baby," he whispered. "You're home. You're safe." Then she started shaking, her knees feeling like they were going to buckle underneath her. Her sobs turned ragged and she was struggling to breath. She was aware of him sliding an arm behind her knees and picking her up. All she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and bury her face in his shoulder, her sobs loud and wrenching.

Almost before she knew it, she was on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around her, and he was smoothing the hair back off her face. She finally was able to stop crying and drew in a deep breath. "Are the…are the girls here?" she asked. She almost didn't recognize her own voice. It sounded thready and weak to her ear.

He shook his head. "Daphne's at choir practice. Maddie's still out with Clay." He breathed in and then leaned in to kiss her gently. "You want me to get them home?" She nodded. He started to get up, but she grabbed his arm.

"Wait. Maybe not just yet," she said. "I don't…I don't want them to see me like this."

He nodded and sat back down. "Okay." He took her hands. "Can I get you something?"

She looked at him. Her beautiful, amazing husband. The man she'd fought so hard to get back to. The man she almost lost forever. The only man she'd ever truly loved. She smiled a little tremulously. "I have it already," she said softly. "You."

He leaned in and kissed her, then let his hand drift down over her cheek. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked, his eyes filled with concern.

She breathed in and made a face, shrugging slightly. "I think I still need to kind of process through it first," she said. "But I think that's the most afraid I've ever been in my whole life. And you know that's saying a lot because I've been through some pretty scary stuff. But what's different now is that you're right here next to me." She took his hand, feeling a wave of emotion rolling over her. "That's just the sweetest feeling in the whole world." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. "I thought I was gonna die, Deacon," she whispered. "And then all I could think about was that I just wasn't going to die tonight. You know?" She tried to laugh and bit her lip. "I just wasn't ready for that. I've got too much to live for. _We_ have too much to live for."

He looked at her and she could see the tears in his eyes. He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. "Oh, baby," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I ain't ready to lose you. Not nowhere close." She let herself relax into his arms, finally feeling safe.

 **Deacon**

It took her a long time to stop shaking. It was like she had this deep, impenetrable cold she couldn't get past. But he understood, because it had taken until he saw her get out of that police car before his own heart had stopped racing. After he had talked to her on the phone, her bodyguard had called and given him a very high level accounting of what had happened at Highway 65. Hockney hiding in the office, taking Rayna hostage and then threatening her with a knife. He understood why she was so scared, why she said it was the most scared she'd ever been in her life.

She turned in his arms and looked at him, her eyes searching his face. "Let's wait until tomorrow to tell the girls," she said. "I don't want to scare them."

He smoothed her hair and nodded. "I agree," he said. "I want you to get a good night's sleep."

She made a face. "I don't know if I can close my eyes, Deacon. Every time I do, I _see_ him. I see him walk in my office, hold up that knife, chase me down the hall." She shuddered. "I don't think I'll ever forget it."

He pulled her back into his arms and shushed her, rubbing her arm with his hand, trying to soothe her. "But you're safe now, baby," he said.

She nodded against his chest. "All I wanted to do was get back to you. I wanted you to hold me, just like this." She grabbed his shirt, making a fist. "I was just so scared that after everything, after all we've gone through, that it would be…." She trailed off and started to cry again.

He held her tighter against his chest. He could feel tears in his own eyes, thinking about how badly it could have gone. He'd spent a lot of years without her, having lost her to his own demons. When he finally got her back, he'd vowed to take care of her for the rest of their lives. It had never crossed his mind that he might face losing her again, but with no hope of getting her back. He thought it must have been how she'd felt, when he was fighting cancer. It made him want to never let her out of his sight again, never let her go.

* * *

She was finally sleeping, deeply he knew, because she was lightly snoring. He smiled a little to himself, thinking about how she always got defensive when he told her she snored. But the smile turned to the hint of tears, as he thought about how close he'd come to possibly losing her. He quietly slipped out of their bed and went to sit in one of the chairs by the window, not wanting to leave her alone in case she woke up. The dim light in the room put everything in shadow and all he could see was the outline of furniture in the room.

He slumped down in the chair and ran his hands over his face. He breathed in deeply, another wave of anguish washing over him. He thought about his conversation with the bodyguard. _He had a knife. She said he threatened her with it and then, when we got there, he held it against her neck. Turns out it wasn't particularly sharp, but, you know._ He did know. Even if it wasn't a sharp knife, he could have hurt her with it, had he used it. He could have killed her with it.

His eyes got damp again and he had a lump in his throat. He looked over and saw her shadowed form lying in the bed, and he considered how differently that could have gone. Suddenly he couldn't catch his breath, as he considered how differently that conversation with her bodyguard could have gone. _What if I lost her? Would I have even gotten a chance to tell her goodbye? That I loved her my whole life? That she was everything to me? That I don't know who I am without her?_

He swallowed hard. He remembered how she'd told him, when he was waiting to go into surgery, that if anything ever happened to her, she wanted him to move on. She had said it because he'd said it to her, but it scared him to think how close he might have come to actually having to consider that. Of course, he could have not survived the surgery or maybe he would never have gotten the surgery at all and then she would have been faced with that same possibility.

He sighed deeply. She was here, though, sleeping in their bed. She hadn't died that night, she'd come home to him. He hadn't died either. They would have their whole future, just like they'd planned. What had she said that day they'd finally had their breakthrough on the concept album? _All I know is I'm here, right now, and I'm not going anywhere, ever._ He breathed in deeply as the tears welled up in his eyes. _That's right, baby. We're not going anywhere, ever._ He smiled to himself and then he got up from the chair and gently crawled back into bed, next to her.

* * *

She woke up not long before dawn with a sharp scream. He opened his eyes and sat up. She was sitting there, breathing in and out, a ragged sound. He put his arms around her and she turned into him, nestling into his side. "You okay, baby?" he asked soothingly.

"I just dreamed…there was blood everywhere," she whispered.

"It's okay," he said softly. "You don't gotta worry about him no more. You're safe."

She nodded against his chest. "I'm so glad you're here," she murmured.

He leaned his head on hers, running his fingers through her hair. "Me too, baby," he whispered. "Me too." He leaned back into the pillows, drawing her down with him.

She ran her fingers over his chest. "Are the girls home?" she asked.

"Yeah. But don't worry, I didn't say nothing. Just that you had gone to bed."

"Thanks, babe." She sighed. "He just appeared, you know," she said then, and he turned his head slightly toward her. "Like he was a ghost or something. With that knife. My heart was beating so hard, I thought he could probably hear it. But I knew I had to reach him somehow, you know? So I could get out of that situation alive." She turned to look up at him and he nodded. "I don't think he was a bad guy, Deacon, just lonely and sad and mixed up."

He frowned. "I think it was more than that, baby," he said.

"No, I mean it, Deacon. He just needed someone to listen. And understand."

"But why you?"

"Well, because he heard something in my music. He said it was like I spoke to him, like I understood him." She moved so she could look at him. "That's when I knew I needed to figure out a way to relate to him. To not scare him. To reach him somehow so I was human to him. Not just a voice on the radio or on a record."

"What did you do?"

"I asked him some questions and then I tried to talk to him like I understood. And, you know, in some ways I did. I understood growing up like he did, with pain. So I tried to relate that way." She breathed out. "His father was an alcoholic, so he thought I understood that too." She looked at him, sadness in her eyes. "Which I do. I mean, my story had a happy ending, but I had to try to relate to his, babe."

He nodded. "So you threw me under the bus?"

She reached out and ran her index finger over his chin. "A little. Just to try to make him trust me, though."

He breathed out. "Long as it got you home safe to me, it ain't nothing, baby," he said.

She laid her head on his chest, letting her fingers trace over the scar on his abdomen. "You know, when I got home last night and you held me right there on the front steps, I realized that the most loved and protected I've ever felt in my whole life was with you." She looked back at him, with tears in her eyes. "I don't know why I didn't realize that before. Even when things were so hard for us, I always knew I could count on you to protect me. I always knew how much you loved me." She ran a finger across his jaw. "Why did it take so long for me to figure that out, Deacon? Why did I fight it so hard all those years?"

He breathed in slowly. "I think we just had to go through all that, baby," he said. "But we never really lost each other, we just found our way differently. That's what I think."

She ran the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip. "You were always there," she said softly.

He let his fingers trail over her hair. "All I ever wanted to do was take care of you, Rayna," he whispered. He kissed her, then rolled her over onto her back and moved to lay on top of her. He kept kissing her and touching her and she began to respond to him. He finally leaned in and kissed her on the spot on her neck under her earlobe that always drove her crazy. She moaned deep in her throat and he knew she was ready.

* * *

He was pouring coffee when she walked up behind him and put her arms around his waist, leaning against his back with a soft sigh. "You sleep okay?" he asked.

"Mm hm," she murmured. "You knew just the right thing, babe."

He turned in her arms and she tilted her head back to look up at him. "It's my job to take care of you," he said with a smirk. She grinned at him and he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her on the top of her head. "How do you feel?" he asked.

She looked back up at him and smiled. "Free," she said. He breathed in deeply, feeling like they'd finally come out of a long, painful tunnel. He smiled back at her.

Just then the girls came into the kitchen and Rayna looked over at them. "Come here, girls," she said, waving them over. She pulled them into the hug with him and kissed both of them on the forehead. "I love y'all so much," she said, and he heard the emotion in her voice. "All of you. I love our family. We really do have a life that's good." They would tell the girls about everything that had happened the night before, but right now, it was enough to just be together.

And then Maddie laughed. "Mom, you're such a weirdo," she said, and they all laughed along with her.

As he held tight to all of them, he was just grateful he had Rayna back in his life and the girls to round out their family. Maybe it was cheesy, but he really did finally have everything he ever wanted.

' _Cause when it's true, you don't have to change a thing / Like me and you, holding on together, forever._

 **THE END**

 _ **Thank you so much, again, for reading this and for the very kind reviews. I hope you enjoyed how this ended.**_


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